Upside Downtown
by fitterhappier
Summary: Edward follows his girlfriend from Forks to NYC. There he meets Bella Swan and it's love at first sight. Drama ensues. Will Edward and Bella find the strength to be together or will they let their pasts keep them apart? AH. Rated M for language and sex.
1. Chapter 1

Edward follows his girlfriend, Victoria, from Forks to New York City where she works as a high-profile ad exec. There he meets Bella Swan, a bartender in the East Village who without even knowing it, forces Edward to pursue and admit what is really important to him, and vice versa. Rated M for drama, language, sex, etc. All human.

SM owns all things Twilight.

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EPOV

Someone has their hand on the crack of my ass and is rocking me back and forth gently yet firmly enough so that my hipbones are being pushed deeper into the memory foam mattress. I hug the feather pillow that cradles my head like a newborn baby and dig my face into it, refusing to face reality.

"Fuck offfffffffff."

"Is that how you talk to your girlfriend?" Warm breath blows across my earlobe and the hand on my ass proceeds to crawl its fingernails up the line of my spine, deftly tracing intricate designs along my bare back.

"Huhhhh?" Ok, that's it. Where the fuck am I? I can hear the faint indications of traffic honking outside the window. _Oh. Right. New York City. _How'd I get here? I feel the hand begin to massage the base of my aching neck. _Oh. Right. Victoria. _

"Wake up, Eddy." French vanilla soap and body spray. Cinnamon breath. And a nickname that nobody who didn't want a black eye would ever dare utter, let alone live to say it again. Except....yep, it's definitely Victoria. I groan and roll onto my back, wrapped only in a crisp, white sheet from the waist down. I peel my eyelids away from my dry eyeballs to find her leaning over me looking absolutely stunning in a fitted black skirt-suit, her brilliant red hair pulled into a tight, yet intricate bun and wearing just enough makeup to accentuate her flawless features without making it look like she's trying too hard. She oozes the sexy, polished air of a successful advertising exec, which is ironic since that's precisely what she came to New York City from Forks, Washington to become.

"Hey, baby," she whispers, kissing my forehead damp with alcohol sweat from last night's celebration welcoming my arrival. "Did you enjoy your first night in the big city?" Ummm, as soon as I can get my brain to work, I'll tell you. Let me think.

- - Ah, yes, last night. I think it went something like this: A man holding a placard with my name scrawled across it was waiting for me at the airport and ushered me into a limo, whisking me and my one piece of luggage straight into Midtown where Victoria and several of her work colleagues were waiting for me at an uber-trendy eatery of some kind that served...um, I have no fucking idea what it served. Not that it mattered. I was drunk by the time the food hit the table. A very pleasant, very complimentary, very well-dressed, very openly gay and extremely attractive man flirted with me the entire night and from the moment the appetizers were served was no doubt picturing fucking me up against the bathroom stall of the men's room. Part of me wasn't entirely opposed to the notion. ---

I nod sleepily and stretch my arms up and over my head, realizing that I'm completely naked. I watch her eyes slowly snake down my body, taking me all in, down my long torso until they reach the sharp jut of my hipbones where the sheet of no doubt awesome thread count starts. She sighs in disappointment that her peep show is cut short and shrugs. "I'm going to be late." She picks up her briefcase and I check out her tight-ass. Hmm, I do remember that I enjoyed fucking her last night. I don't remember much else after the tenth sake, I have no clue how we got back to her apartment, but I do remember what it felt like to be back inside her after eight months, since she left Forks to take a position at a top advertising agency in NYC and leaving me back home to fend for myself against my father, Dr. Carlisle "non-supportive of his son's lack of enthusiasm for higher-education" Cullen" and my mother, Esme "unable to hide the disappointment in her eyes".

"So, what are you going to do today while I'm at work?" I hadn't made a move to get out of bed to hug or kiss her.

"Dunno. Haven't really thought about it." I can tell by the look on her face that's not the correct answer. Great. She's already disappointed. That didn't take long. She sighs and moves to get off the bed. I reach out and grab her wrist, pulling her back down to my chest.

"Vic, don't start, ok. I just got here last night. You proceeded to get me drunk and fuck my brains out. Now it's morning and I haven't been awake for more than thirty seconds. Do you expect me to already have job interviews lined up?" I give her a "lighten-up" grin and attempt to slide my hands up her extremely tight fitted blazer.

"You were going to to meet with an advisor at the law school. Remember? I already called the registrar's office and explained the situation."

"Yeah? And what, exactly, is the _situation_?" She was turning into my fucking mom.

"Oh Christ, Edward. Are we really going to go through this again? I thought we decided that law was the best route for you to pursue. My father and uncle are both practicing attorney's in Manhattan and they see great potential in you. _And_ your father is 110% in favor of it. He knows you're a bit behind but he's confident that if he puts the right calls in to the right people, he should have no trouble getting you back on track. And then we can really start to build a life together."

Ahh. And there it was. The daily dig about my "wasted years" at community college. I roll my eyes and flip back onto my stomach. I feel her get off the bed and this time I let her.

"Fine. Be a child. I don't have time to argue about this now." _Oh and I suppose I do, what with me not having a job or money or prospects. I'm just here to leech off you until I win the lottery. Hm, maybe I'll go by some scratch-offs while you're at your big important, life-saving job of greatness._

"Why don't you come by the office and have lunch with me this afternoon. I'll show you around." She forces a fake smile and opens the front door to HER apartment that I know I'll never be able to call home.

I return the fakeness and try to sound enthusiastic about my brand new life.

"Sure, babe. Sounds great."


	2. Chapter 2

I'm still getting the hang of things here so I'm sorry if I post and then delete the chapter. It's only because I think I'm submitting it as a draft and not realizing it's been posted without being spell checked etc. I'll get the hang of things eventually, I promise ;p That being said, I am proofreading this myself, so I may have missed some things. I hope not though - erm.

Here is some more back story....

SM owns all things Twilight.

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BPOV

"So whaddya think, Bells? Not bad, eh?"

Is he serious? Shit. I can tell by the sweet grin that's spread across his pretty face that he most definitely is. Jasper is sitting on the only swivel stool we have left after the cat fight that broke out during Wednesday night's Skits 'N Tits Variety Show. He's waiting with the eagerness of a child for me to tell him what I think of the new song he just played. I'm safe behind the bar but I know I'm going to have to answer him. No one else is here until Alice arrives at 3 for her shift so I can't pretend that his question was directed at anyone other than me. _So Jazz._ _What do I think? I'll let you know as soon as my ears stop bleeding, cuz that was quite possibly the most painful 3 ½ minutes of "music" I've been subjected to since Emmett forced me to sit through his vocal rendition of "We Didn't Start the Fire"._

Jasper steps away from the microphone stand to pack up his acoustic guitar and I try to think of a way to break it to him gently. He's been a great friend to me since I arrived in New York last year and he found me crying at the Port Authority bus terminal. He was the one who thrust the ad in the Village Voice under my nose and circled with a big heart the help-wanted ad for a bar-tending gig at the Bowery Poetry Club and Cafe and he's always the first one to tell me that my latest piercing or tattoo or hairstyle experiment brings out my eyes and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's not getting any better. I'm starting to regret encouraging him. I grab another pint glass from the rack Raul brought from the kitchen and dry it with a towel before putting it on the shelf.

"It was great, Jazz." _I smiled too big, he's never going to believe me._

"Really?! Y'think so?"

"Uh huh, really good," I smile as genuinely as I can, hoping he can't see through my bullshit. It was a fucking terrible song and if the objective is to make customers stay and continue to purchase alcoholic beverages while enjoying inspirational performances of music and poetry, there's no way in hell Jasper can take the stage and subject them to that nightmare.

"I'm so glad you like it, Bella. Your opinion means a lot to me. So um....Do you think I could get on the bill tonight?"

I bite my crappily painted nails that are already bitten down too low. I was afraid he'd ask that.

"Ummm, lemme check." Shit shit SHIT. Oh god. Emmett will fucking slaughter me if I put Jasper on the bill again. He can be such a pain in the ass boss – he has very little patience and NO social filter. The staff loves to hate him and uses every opportunity to work on their impressions of him behind his back, but I think he's great. Maybe it's because he put me in charge of booking all the performances for the club. Maybe it's his non-judgmental, say it like it is, call 'em as he sees 'em, no bullshit attitude that I respect. I see Em as a toothless bulldog, all bark and no bite. But after Jasper's last disastrous performance at Friday Night Open Mic, I swore to him it wouldn't happen again. "Tell him nicely. Or _I'll _tell him." That was all he said and all he had to say, cuz I understood Em-speak and I did not want him to be the one to tell Jazz he doesn't have a career in music. It's just...Jazz is such a sweet guy, with the biggest heart I've ever come across and I'm lucky enough to have a space reserved inside of it just for me. He loves music and has excellent taste....he just lacks...um, any talent of his own. I move two bottles of J.D and a bottle of Triple Sec out of the way and pull the mangled clipboard out from behind the register .

"Shit. Sorry, Jazz. We're full up tonight. It's Spoken Word Wednesday. I forgot." It kills me to see his face fall and his blond mop-head nod in silent understanding. Christ. I feel myself buckling as I tap the pen against the bar. "Umm, but it looks like Friday night is open." LIE. "How about.....the ten o'clock slot?" The best fucking slot of the night, the slot that leads right up to midnight, that gets the people in the door and keeps them there, and Emmett is going to fucking _murder_ me in front of all of them the second he sees Jasper take the stage.

"Fuck yeah, Belladonna!! You are the absolute best thing ever!" _Did he just jump up and down?_

"Thanks." _Be sure to say something nice at my funeral_.

"OK I gotta run. My shift starts in fifteen." Jazz has a new job waiting tables at the Organic Grill 1st and 3rd. He's really pumped about it.

"You getting' up there tonight, Bells?" he thrusts his nose towards the rickety stage. "You should, y'know. You're constantly writing in that thing, I bet there's stuff in there that would blow minds."

My hand flies to the worn marble notebook that follows me everywhere. I fold it down the center and stuff it into the back of my jeans. Clearly my answer to that is no.

"Fair enough, cutie. Maybe one day, huh?" He jumps up on the bar for a kiss. I push my cheek towards him and he gives me a warm peck as I nod, Yes. Maybe one day.

"Umm, Jazz?"

"Yah?"

"What the fuck are those?" I lean over the bar and point at the spectacle on his feet. "Are those snakeskin cowboy boots?"

"You like? I got them at John Varvatos."

"And by John Varvatos, you mean what they did to the old CBGB across the street? Fuck, Jazz, for shame. They take a $3 ratty t-shirt, slap Iggy Pop's face on it, mark it up 300% and call it vintage. And it's being sold in the former home of underground rock and punk and all things fuck the man." I put my hand over my heart for a moment of silence. "Tsk. I'm telling Patti Smith on you the next time she's in here."

His eyes light up. "She really comes in here? Damn, aren't you glad I made you take this job?"

I roll my eyes as the front door squeaks opens, filling the dark club with bright sunlight for just a second before it slams closed, returning us to dingy half darkness. Alice flips on the house lights and starts taking chairs off the tables. It's her daily routine when she first gets in. Jasper immediately goes rigid and starts making these weird faces, adjusting the collar of his button-down, licking his lips, and...

"Are you _sweating_?" I whisper, noticing the thin sheen that's spreading across his forehead. "Jesus, Jazz. Relax, will ya? She's just a girl. Y'know. Like me."

Jasper nods and swallows uncomfortably. Alice is nothing like me and he knows it. She's my best girl friend in town but we couldn't be more different. For instance, she looks like she made a wrong turn on Houston and ended up here instead of a boutique in Soho. I look like...well, I look like I belong here: with new mascara applied over the old eye-makeup that's smudged under my lower lashes, I like to call it my Egyptian-look. Ratty Converse or flip-flops or Rocketdog flats. My trusty black hoodie with the holes cut in the wrists for my thumbs to go through, any number of tight ribbed tank tops or band t-shirts, and one of the three pairs of skinny Diesel jeans that I actually spent money on cuz I know a good investment when I see it. And at least two hair-ties on each wrist, just in case. Oh and the piercings. There's the small hoop in my lower lip all the way to the left just before the corner of my mouth. Sexy. A very tiny stud in my nose. I had one in my eyebrow but I took it out and there's the one through my tongue that I fuck with too much but I just love how it feels, so it's staying. Alice is put together, a petite firecracker of trendy simplicity. She matches, her short pixie hair is washed and styled, her makeup is fresh and new, she has one set of piercings in her ears and she wears a dainty gold necklace around her neck that her parents got her for graduation. I love her. She's the most grounded, level-headed, rational, loving, exceptional person I know, and she's also completely insane, she gets excited by nothing and is fascinated with everything. Life can never be boring with an Alice in it.

"Hey Bella. You're here early," Alice chirps. "Oh, hey Jasper."

"Uh, hi. You look nice. I was just leaving."

"Oh, so soon?" Alice doesn't seem to understand that rising up on her tiptoes and smiling into Jasper's twinkling eyes is going to make him pass the fuck out. Oh god if they don't fuck soon and get it over with I'm going to rip their clothes off and lock them in the dingy men's room.

"Well...I better..."

"Go to work? For fuck sake's, Jasper, we'll see you tonight. We're both working til 4am, so come back and have a drink when your shift ends, ok?" he nods and looks at Alice with the biggest shit-eating grin ever.

"Christ, Alice." I grab the piece of chalk off the register and drag the blackboard out to the sidewalk. "When are you going to give that boy a break and stop torturing him?"

EPOV

I take a shower and pull fresh clothes out of my suitcase that I've yet to unpack. Victoria hasn't set aside any closet space or given me drawers for my things. I pull a large white fluffy towel around my waist, knot it at the side and talk a look around. Her apartment décor is...minimal, to say the least. It looks like a page out of Dwell magazine. The pictures on the wall are either abstract splotches of paint on canvas or the odd black and white landscape photograph. The curtains are white, the sheets are white, the comforter is black, the small shag rugs spaced evenly across the floor are white and black. The bathroom tile is black, the bathroom sink is white, same goes for the kitchen and on and on. It's fucked feng shui for control freaks. Everything in black and white. Just like Victoria. No room for gray.

We started dating when I was a junior in high school and she was a senior. I had watched her from afar since I was a freshman, lusting after her and making lewd immature comments in the locker room after track practice about what I'd do to her if I ever had the chance to peel her out of those skin tight jeans. I didn't have a shortage of girls that were interested in me and I took them up on their offers, but there was something about Victoria that drove me crazy. Maybe it was because she was older and smart and athletic...and didn't know I was alive. It was a challenge that my raging high school hormones were powerless against. Junior year I was accepted into a college-level AP Economics class, the only junior in a room full of seniors, and every day I made sure to get to class before the last bell rang so I could get the seat directly behind her. And every day it took all the energy I could muster not to crawl across the desk and smother my face into the back of those soft, fire-engine red curls. They were inviting, long perfect S's that flowed down her back and disappeared into the back of her chair. Sometimes a thick strand would get tucked into her shirt collar or she'd miss it completely when pulling her hair back into a ponytail, and those were the days I'd dare myself to reach out and tuck the errant strand behind her ear. But I never did and we never spoke. We went to class, took notes, and left. And that's just how it was.

Then one day it happened. Right as Mr. Napier was handing out our mid-year exam - one of the two tests that he gives all year. No pressure. He handed Victoria hers, gave me mine, and that's when she did it. She turned around to me with a look of apology on her face like she was about to tell me that she had murdered my parents in their bed before coming to school that morning.

"Can I borrow a pen?"

"..." _Huh? A fucking pen?_

"Edward?"

_FUCK. That was my name, right? I should probably answer._

"...."

"Do you...have an extra one I can borrow? Just for this test?" She shook her blue Bic at me and frowned. "It's out of ink."

I handed her mine. She looked confused. "....What are you going to use?"

I didn't have a chance to think or answer because Mr. Napier had just given us one hour to finish an exam that might as well have been written in sanskrit. Victoria smiled and turned around and all I could find in my bag was a #2 pencil. Shit.

She was done with the test before I was. I figured I had blown my chance but when I got to my locker she was there waiting for me.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Thanks for the pen."

"No problem. You can keep it."

"How do you think you did?"

"Not sure. But I wore down the eraser on my _pencil_, if that's any indication." That made her laugh and her laugh was contagious. It lit up her face and blushed her cheeks and it made me laugh too. I walked her home that day and that's how it started.

After she left for college in California, we did our best to keep in touch. I missed the shit out of her, mostly missed having constant and reliable sex whenever I wanted, but I also missed just having her around. I was a senior at Forks High with straight A's and a very light schedule, so I was able to take a few trips out to LA to visit her and she came back to Forks just as many times to see me and her family. The reunion sex was always incredible. From the moment I arrived on her doorstep it was non-stop fucking once our clothes hit the floor. We wouldn't leave her dorm or my bedroom for days making up for lost time, remembering each others bodies, what they looked like, how they felt and what they were capable of doing over and over and over. We talked, catching up on the gossip from Forks, of which there was little. And we'd laugh, about anything and everything. When it was time for me to go back home, we'd have tears in our eyes as we said goodbye, already making plans for the next visit, _It won't be long, we'll see each other again soon, I'll call you as soon as I land._ And when she'd leave me it would be the same. I didn't want her to go. _Christmas break is only two months away. It'll be here in no time. I miss you already._

There was one thing we never said and it was a big one. I love you. Not once. Not ever. There were so many times that I thought I should say it. Each time we hung up the phone after a marathon conversation, I thought _that should have been the time_. I waited for her, hoping she'd say it so I didn't have to, but I knew that wouldn't happen. She was old fashioned and I'm sure she thought it was a man's place to make the first move with sentiments of that kind. But I was happy, comfortable, content to not rock the boat. I graduated from high school and she came to the ceremony, sitting in the audience with my parents to watch me and my twin sister Rosalie collect our diplomas and shift our tassels. I waved at her from the stage and she waved back, she blew me a kiss, and she smiled. I thought to myself, I wonder if she loves me. And if she didn't, what else would it take? Shouldn't we know by now?

Things started to change her sophomore year. I was still debating whether or not I wanted to go to college or travel for a year after I graduated. Dr. Daddy Cullen was pressuring me to follow in his footsteps and attend the University of Washington, known throughout the country for being in the Top 10 among research medicine and primary care schools. It's graduate program was second to none, apparently. Not that a gave a shit about being a doctor. I saw what a pompous ass it turned my father into. Always too busy at the office or at the hospital, always a lecture on the importance of maintaining an impeccable grade point average, of not being a drain on society, of contributing to the greater good of humanity and proving your worth as a relevant member of the Cullen clan.

"That Victoria has a brilliant head on her shoulders, Edward." I knew he was referring to the full scholarship she got to UCLA Anderson School of Management. "She'd make a great addition to our family."

"Why don't you put a bid on her then."

"Watch your mouth when speaking to me, young man. My patience with you is wearing steadily thin. I'll only allow this inaction in regards to your future education for a finite amount of time before I cut your generous allowance, take back the car, freeze your accounts and in general refuse my continued contribution to the extremely comfortable lifestyle that you have become well accustomed to these 19 years."

After my father's not so subtle ultimatum about my post-graduation options, my mother managed to talk some sense into him by reminding him of his own insecurities and indecision after _he_ graduated high school back in the dark ages and the two years he spent in South America "finding himself". So I followed in daddy's footsteps...and took a year off. When I came back from South America I enrolled in community college just to get my dad off my back, while swearing that it was just until I could get grounded after being away for so long. Needless to say Victoria and I lost touch. How we got back in touch and how I ended up in my current situation is another story entirely.

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So a few things. Anyone who knows the actual Bowery Poetry Club knows that it's not exactly like the way I'm portraying it. I'm taking a few liberties just to make the story gel. Same thing with the Organic Grill. There is an actual place called that but I'm not entirely sure that it's on 1st and 3rd. Other than that I'm trying to be as accurate as possible :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reading so far. Things will start to pick up after this chapter. Swear. This one is pretty short but I needed Edward and Bella to meet.  
**

**oh and please review!  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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BPOV

Every day I try to come up with a catchy saying to write on the sidewalk blackboard. It's turned into a pretty cool way of getting people's attention as they walk by, plus I get to come up with clever ways to say dirty things, and I dig that.

I squat down and wipe off yesterday's phrase with a cocktail napkin, _Put your money where my mouth is_. The afternoon is turning into a scorcher and it's beating down on my pasty white back and through my black ribbed tank top as I struggle for inspiration. My knees are starting to ache from being unnaturally bent for so long, my calves are trembling and I'm just about ready to give up and list drink specials when I'm nailed in the shoulder so hard by a passer-by or a bus or a fucking _cannon_ that I nearly topple over into the gutter face first. The wind is knocked out of me with an OOOMPH and I lay there dazed for a beat before I push off the pavement with my palms. Fresh cuts are oozing tiny drops of warm blood.

"Watch where you're going you fucking _lunatic_!!" I screech like a maniac without even knowing who or what just delivered the blow. I'm pretty positive my shoulder has been dislocated and I'm going to be crippled and without the use of my left arm for the rest of my life. I wonder if anyone really calls 1-800-LAWYER. I can't see anything because my hair's in my face and the sun is so strong I can't look up without being blinded and I don't have my sunglasses because I lent them to Jasper and he never gave them back.

"I could have been hit by a cab or a bike messenger or something!! Or _stepped on_!! Goddamn it that shit hurt!! Were you raised by fucking barbarians?? Who does that?!!" I go on and on, cradling my shoulder and rocking back and forth Indian-style on the dirty sidewalk. I can feel the sweat beading up on my upper lip and under my eyes and in my armpits. Great way to start a shift. I see the shadow of the perp out of my peripheral.

"Yeah keep walking, buddy."

"Sorry. Jeez. Chill out. You're acting like I assaulted you and tried to steal your purse. It's New York City. There's a lot of people here. It was an accident." If I wasn't so annoyed by the snooty attitude I was getting from my attacker, I would have let my heart skip a beat at the velvet-smooth delivery of his rudeness.

I take a deep-breath and plan my verbal assault. I may not have been in New York City very long but I know better than to let this go by without some kind of colorful exchange. Let's see what this guy's got. I've built up quite the arsenal of rude quips for just such an occasion. I even practice them in the mirror when I'm feeling feisty. But suddenly he's down at my level on the sidewalk, squatting next to me, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together between them, and he's bouncing playfully on his toes. Obviously he has no balance issues.

"For such a small girl you sure have a big mouth." He smiles a crooked sly smile out of the corner of his mouth and suddenly there is no more pain, I don't even know what pain is, I don't know what anything feels like or looks like and I don't care because nothing can compare to this boy smiling at me, the crinkles in his brow and in-between his eyes as he squints in the merciless sun and, if I let myself believe it, he might be looking at me the same way. Like a curious kitten about to bat around a mouse he cocks his head to the side as if that would help get him get into my thoughts. The moment lasts five seconds max but in between each second is an hour.

"Small?" I blurt out, immediately wincing at my waste of a perfectly good opportunity to say something profound.

"I mean, petite, or y'know, _dainty_." He smiles again and I think I might have to tell him never, ever to do that in my presence again . He cups my elbow and applies a slight pressure, nudging me to get me to understand that he's trying to lift me up. I stare at his bended knees and the holes in his jeans, concentrating on the hair peeking through until I feel him pulling me and I realize that I just blanked out for a second thinking about his LEG HAIR.

"Dainty?" I blurt out again once we're both in a standing position. His hand is still on my elbow, I don't know where his other hand is because that would mean I'd have to look away from his emerald green eyes to find it. I don't feel it on my body and my stomach drops in real disappointment. As if he somehow senses my quivering anticipation, he shoves his hand into his thick bronze hair that suddenly looks sun kissed with streaks of gold running through it, and crushes the strands into his fist. It's sticking up everywhere but looks perfectly as it should be. It's longish and wavy, just like mine. That's interesting. _It is?? Since when???_ Oh god I hope he can't read my mind because these are some of the most vacant thought-rambles I've had in a long time.

"I didn't mean to knock into you. In my defense, you were blocking the entire sidewalk."

"What was it anyway? That hit me?"

He points behind him at the guitar case balanced against his side.

"That's pretty."

"Yeah, I just bought it."

"Ah. So you're a musician." It's not a question. Because I already know the answer. Everyone in New York is a musician, or an actor, or a model...

"Actually, I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you......" he raises his eyebrows and I pray that he's not extending his hand because I can't possibly deal with touching him anymore today. I stuff my hands into my jean pockets just in case.

"...Bella. I'm Bella."

"I won't argue with that." Why won't he stop smiling at me!?! He's so mean!! He shoulders his guitar and takes a few stutter steps backwards.

"Well, be careful out here and I'll try to watch where I'm going." He gives a wave and shakes his head in laughter, turning on his heel as he begins to walk away.

"Hey wait!!"

He's already turned around before I get the second word out. But now I have to find something to say.

"Umm... This is going to sound creepy...and stalkerish...but I have to know. Where are you going?"

He walks back towards me and I forget how to breathe. There's something in his stature, his stance, the way he takes each step, it's as if there's a pulley attached to my chest that he's attached himself to and the only thing that will release the pressure is to have him near. It takes forever but he stops right in front of me. If I were to lean forward and lift my head the tiniest bit, the tip of my nose will touch the tip of his perfectly sculpted, stubbled chin.

"Well, Bella," He must have gum in his mouth. No one's breath is naturally that minty. And since when did the smell of mint gum make me light-headed.

"….If you must know, I'm meeting someone for lunch."

_It's my turn to talk now. Think, Bella, Speak._ "Uh....It's almost three. Little late for lunch, isn't it?"

"Yes it is. And it's going to be even later by the time I get uptown if I don't start moving."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's alright."

"Hey, one more thing."

"What is it?"

"Who's your favorite musician?"

"That's easy. Van Morrison. ...See ya."

I stand frozen in place as I watch him walk away from me.

"Heya, Bella. Goddamn it's so hot I think I'm going to die. I'm soaked. I almost got into a cab after the first five blocks. I really need to get a bike. Do you think I should get a bike? A pink mountain bike would be so cute, don't you think? Where would I keep it, though? Hmm. There's no way Emmett would let me chain it inside. He's such a dick. He really needs to get laid or something. Bell, honey? Have you heard a word I said?"

"Huh?"

"What are you looking at?" Alice tries to follow the direction of my stare, but Edward has turned the corner and is out of sight. Someone tell my eyes that.

"What happened to your hands?" I had forgotten that they were all scraped and pink and had pieces of sidewalk in them.

"Some asshole knocked me over. It was just an accident but I screamed at him, told him to fucking die. Y'know, the usual."

"What a dick. I'm sure he deserved it."

"Yeah," I sigh and start chewing the gravel out from under my fingernails. "Except that he's tall, he was wearing a white Hanes v-neck undershirt and he had a copy of "The Metamorphosis" sticking out of his back pocket."

"Whoa. ....That's killer."

"I know. Let's get the fuck out of this heat. It's going to be a long night."

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	4. Chapter 4

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**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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EPOV

I had a feeling it wouldn't matter what time I showed up at her office. Victoria wouldn't be ready. Not that she wasn't extremely punctual, because she was. It was fucking irritating. She got annoyed if other people weren't exactly on time or at least five minutes early. She was never fashionably late or even regular late, to anything. She was always in her seat before the bell rang, always ready and waiting for me when I showed up at her door to pick her up. Traffic was never an obstacle because she always left plenty of time to account for it. She had no patience for people who didn't wear watches or pay attention to the time. However, when it came to her work, and the demands and expectations that came with her title, she had absolutely no concept of time whatsoever. The client came first. The account was what mattered. Not that any of this was news to me. This is how Victoria was. If she had to study for an exam, she studied. She prepared. She didn't cram. She didn't go out the night before or study enough to just get by. She knew how to have fun when it was time to have fun, but there was a time and a place for both and there was no real difference between the two. She was fun but she wasn't crazy fun. She didn't take my breath away.

I didn't know my breath could be taken away until this afternoon. I still hadn't completely recovered from my brief encounter with Bella on the sidewalk. Only a few words exchanged, hers were brightly colored and more animated than mine, but the air between us buzzed with an electricity that was new to me, charged with an intensity, a longing. Or was I making it all up in my head? Was there really nothing there and I just wanted it to be?

When the elevator door opened on Victoria's floor I checked in at reception and got a visitor pass.

"Mr. Cullen? Hi! I'm Tracey. It's very nice to finally meet you. She'll be right down. The McMillen meeting is running late."

"Thanks, Tracey. It's nice to finally meet you as well." I've spoken to Victoria's assistant on the phone many times over the past few months when I was trying to get a hold of Victoria to finalize my plans for moving out here, but I needed a few moments to myself right now, to think, so I slumped down on the overstuffed leather couch and sighed into my hands. The subway ride had frazzled me and only served to make it bleeding obvious that I was being taken away from a place I wanted to go back to, from a person I wanted to see again and probably never would.

The elevator dinged and Victoria jumped out like Secretariat at the gate, rushing over to me as fast as she could in those heels.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Edward. We're this close to closing the Hyundai deal and I couldn't get off the conference call. My boss was breathing down my neck about the financials and..."

"....It's ok. Really. It's no problem. I've got nothing better to do, remember?" I jump out off the couch to give her a quick kiss on the lips. She lets out a contented sigh into my mouth and melts under my hands, just like the old days when it my touch something to her and wasn't just a momentary distraction.

"I have an idea." I look over my shoulder and pull her down the hallway. Once around the corner I push her up against the cold marble wall and force myself on her hard and fast. Her mouth opens in protest and I slip my tongue inside, turning her protests into moans.

"Edwarrrrd, stoppit. Someone might see us."

"So what? Come on. You look hot. Lemme dirty that suit a little." I start unbuttoning her blouse and pulling it out from her skirt, my mouth trailing hot saliva down her throat. She lifts her head to give me better access and I feel the vibration of her vocal chords against my lips. Her hand is at the back of my hair, her fingernails dig into my scalp, and I grind into her hip with my own.

"I caaaaaaan't. Edward, I can't." She pushes me away roughly and instantly regroups and reconstructs herself, like I had never been there, like I had never touched her. The clack-clack of footsteps draws near and she launches into a sterile, rehearsed dialogue with me.

"Did you have any problems finding the building?" She smiles at the suits that have rounded the corner, briefcases in hand. They nod generically and push for the elevator, droning on about indexes, ratios, P&L's, and margins.

"No, ma'am. I managed just fine." I smirk. "Maybe I should just..." The elevator dings and the suits take off.

"...What is that?" She points to the guitar case at standing proudly on its own at my feet.

"That?" I mimick. "That's called a guitar."

"Where did you get it?"

"At a store that sells musical instruments. There's one on...Rivington? On the Lower East Side? I did a lot of walking today. Y'know, since I have no job or responsibilities. I even took the subway all by myself."

I know I'm being an asshole but I can't help it. I shrug a "what's the big deal" shrug, which I know will only send her over the edge.

"Edward. Where the fuck did you get the money for that thing?"

"Wowwww, what kind of language is that for a lady to use? I used my own money, ok? I come from it, remember? Loads of it. I'll inherit it all one day, too. So don't worry about me, Victoria. I know Big Daddy Cash has cut me off but I'll manage. "

"Ugh fine. Now's not the time for this conversation." Oooh goody. Can't wait for the time when it is.

After the office tour and the half dozen times she's stopped in the hall to field questions and take calls, it's nearly 6 o'clock. My stomach is digesting itself. We end up back at reception and I'm half-expecting her to tell me to have a nice day and show me out. Instead Tracey hands her a post-it which she reads in .2 seconds and looks at me.

"Some of the team members are going to Tao for drinks. Wanna come?"

BPOV

"Belladonna!! You're awake. How did I know?" I should just give Jasper a key. I let him in and push out my cheek for a Jazzy-smooch.

"Because you're smart and pretty?" I shuffle back to the kitchen table in my ratty bathrobe and rattier bunny slippers and plop down in front of my notebook. I was on a roll. Ah well. I pull the hair tie out of my knotted ponytail and re-do it loosely so it hangs over my shoulder.

"Or because I've passed out and crashed here enough times to know that you don't sleep?"

"Or that," I stick my tongue out at him playfully.

"I don't know how you do it, baby-doll. Work all day and night, come home, write for hours and then do it all over again."

"I dunno. Coffee? Drugs? I've always been this way." It's the truth. Sleep is something that just happens, not something that I plan to do.

"And I wouldn't change you for the world. You're the lucky one who doesn't need sleep to be beautiful. Wanna grab some coffee with me?"

"The elixir of life? Let's go."

Jazz and I find an empty bench in Tompkins Square Park and pop a squat with our iced coffees. It's breezy this morning but I can already feel the heat and humidity pilling on my skin. Through the trees on the side of the park that borders the street there are tables lined up with people playing chess and cards. I browse over their faces, young, old, thin, worn, and I wonder if they even know each other, the pairings are so odd. A young boy of ten at the most is playing a violently quick game of blitz chess with a man wearing nothing but a garbage bag, and they're both slapping a time control box each time they've made their move. I'm thoroughly impressed and enthralled by the concentration on their faces and what must be going on in their brains until I am distracted by a flash of sunlight and a glimmer of bronze. I dart my eyes and catch the top of someone's head who just sat down amongst the crowd. My stomach jumps and rolls and I feel instantly sick. I want to get up and run.

"Bell, baby, you're turning green. What's up? Bad mocha?"

"Huh? Oh. Nothing. I just thought I saw somebody I knew."

"Better not have been that pig who knocked you over yesterday."

"Lemme guess. Alice told you. Christ, Jazz, when are you two going to do it already? You sat at the bar for fours hours last night talking to her and you went home alone. I don't get it."

He sucks down the last of his frozen caramel macchiato or whatever the fuck and flings his empty into the trash bin.

"I don't want to ruin it."

"Ruin what? You can't ruin something that you don't have."

"But I do have something. What we have now."

"You want more. And you're never going to be satisfied or completely happy with what you have now until you untie your balls and go for it. I'm friends with Alice too y'know, and I've seen the way she looks at you. It's fucking gross." I laugh and nudge into Jasper's shoulder with my own.

-----------------

I unlock the front door and drag the blackboard out onto the sidewalk. It's 2pm and the sun is well on it's way to reaching its highpoint in the sky. It will easily surpass 90 degrees today. I wipe my knuckles across my forehead, already sweaty from only a few moments standing out in the August heat. I'm wearing my black skinny jeans and red Old Navy flip-flops and a tight white tee that says Bowery Poetry Club across the chest. It'll draw the customers eyes to my breasts (pushed up with help of a black lace bra), which is advantageous when they're wondering how much money to leave in the tip jar. Strands from my ponytail are stuck to the back of my neck and I can taste the salt on my skin as I tongue my lip ring.

"You're out here early today."

I spin around, disoriented from the heat and the liquid sex that just reached my eardrums. I dare myself to look up. When I do, he's standing there. Far enough away for it to bother me that he's not standing closer. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and he has that guitar slung round him again. He shouldn't have worn a light gray t-shirt, the weather is too oppressive and I can see the sweat beginning to dampen under his arms and down the center of his chest where the strap is pulling against his breastbone. I might pass out from that alone. Fuck the heat.

He looks down at the chalkboard and the phrase I finally came up with yesterday after he left. He squints and ponders it thoughtfully, his brow in a perpetual state of wrinkle. I can't take it. His hair is shining golden brown today.

"Let's see what that beautiful mouth can do," he reads it slowly and methodically, my knees hinge but I remain steady. If he only knew where I drew my inspiration.

"Hey. It's Edward, right?" Ugh I'm such a douche. I know damn well what his name is. I was doodling it on a cocktail napkin five minutes ago. "Getting a head start on lunch?"

He cocks his head to the side and smiles. There go my knees again.

"It's very rude to be late for a lunch date, especially two days in a row."

"She won't be ready. It doesn't matter what time I get there, so I figured I'd come by and see if I could hit you hard enough this time to roll you out into traffic." He bites his bottom lip to stifle a clever giggle.

I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed. Instead I disregard the comment completely and use this stroke of blind luck and divine intervention that brought Edward back here to do a little investigating...or snooping. Whatev.

"So Edward. If you have lunch uptown every day, what are you doing down here? It just seems out of the way, that's all."

"I like it down here." He answers without looking at me, shuffling his weight from foot to foot and squinting up into the sunlight.

Oooookaaay.

"Are you from New York?"

"Nah. Washington. You?"

"Phoenix. ...Where in Washington?" There's no way he could be from my father's podunk town. No fucking way. I think there's a total of five people who live there. Not that I'd know first hand anymore. I haven't been back there since my parents split up when I was five.

"You wouldn't know it."

"Try me."

"Trust me, Bella. If you know this town, I'll...uhh, I'll do the dishes in your club for an entire night."

"A betting man? You're on. I can't resist a challenge."

He balls his fists up and crushes them to his eyes, rubbing them intently. It's obvious that he's hungover. He reeks of booze.

"It's a very wet, very gray, very gloomy town in the middle of fucking nowhere called Forks.

Fuck. Off.

"Forks, huh? Sounds like a small town."

"Understatement."

"Where everyone knows each other?"

"Unfortunately."

"Where getting into trouble passes the time?"

"Ha. You been there?" He has no idea.

"I should have properly introduced myself yesterday. ...I'm Bella Swan."

Silence. No reaction. And then...

"Get the fuck out of here," and he's laughing. He actually has to set his guitar case on the sidewalk so he can bend over and laugh at his shoes.

"Chief Swan is your fucking father??!!" He's wrapped his arms around his waist and is clutching his sides. "Oh god. That's incredible. That's the fucking funniest thing I've ever heard. Ow, my side. Oh man."

"Are you done yet?"

"Hang...on...ok...phew. Yes, ok, I'm done."

"Good. I'll show you to the kitchen."

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**this is going to get a lot more musically oriented soon. I'll post links to the songs, etc in my profile. :D REVIEWS ROCK!!**


	5. Chapter 5

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**oh and please review!  
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**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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EPOV

Of all the towns on the fucking planet, of all the planets in the fucking universe, her father had to be the Chief of Police in my corner of space. My stupid little insignificant speck of dirt that drenched me every day, that closed me in and closed me down, and that I never thought I'd be more elated to have been born in than today. Suddenly my heart was swelling with an all-consuming love for my home town. I wanted to fly there right now and drop to my knees to kiss her slimy, moss-covered ground. I wanted to thank my prick of a father and mess of a mother for having drunken, unprotected sex and deciding to get married and live in that wet shit-hole of a burg.

Where you're _born_ might not necessarily be where you're _from_, but there is no changing the facts and something about the fact that Bella Swan was from ForksfuckingWashington changed my entire life in the blink of an eye, completely altering my history and making each moment of my past and every decision I had made in it seem somehow better, more relevant, more meaningful.

Every school dance I went to I can now pretend that she was there too, staring into the punch bowl with intent to spike, looking morose and unimpressed, just like I did. All my drug use and experimentation, the time I got alcohol poisoning after chugging two handles of 151, I can now say it was a result of a fight I never had with Bella. Every one night stand can now be thought of as a teenage reaction to not being able to be with her. Every time I pulled my pants up and asked a girl to leave after it was over, it was due to my overwhelming guilt for them not being Bella.

Even my relationship with Victoria was now more validated than ever. It was a result of having lost something I never knew I could have, that I never knew could have been a possibility had her parents not split up, had she never been moved from Forks to Phoenix, had she remained in that small dank town and gone to Forks High and sat in front of me in advanced Chem and given me the answers to the Calculus final, and told me to fuck off when I tried to get to second base in my friend's basement. She could have been my muse at all those dingy parties where I sang to half empty rooms and dark shadows. Every time I poured my heart out on the page and then sang it out on a makeshift stage at 11th grade talent night, I would have her to thank for inspiring me.

All of these things were now real parts of my history...because to me they _could have been_ had one or two elements in the fabric of time been altered. I never thought more abstractly about anything before in my life, not even in the Physics or Psychology courses I took at community college. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, I don't believe in ghosts or psychics or aliens or the Loch Ness monster, but I truly believed in my non-existent relationship with Bella Swan. All the things we never did, that we never had the opportunity to do, suddenly seemed more real and were more important to me than all the actual, genuinely fun and exciting times spent with Victoria. My mind was cutting Victoria's languid face out of the pictures in my photo album and replacing them with Bella's toothy grin.

I'm not a betting man and now I know why. Bella Swan. Bella – _fucking_ – Swan. She stands there staring at me with those piercings in her face and the edge of a black tattoo poking out of the bottom of her tiny tank and she seems so calm, so cool, yet I know her heart is beating as fast as mine. I can see it pulsing in the vein in her neck. I can hear it thudding in her chest. The way her breath hitches when she looks at me a certain way, I don't know what I'm doing to illicit such a reaction from her, but I know as we're standing here that there's no way she isn't feeling the same sickness I am. A happy nausea. There's something here. That's a fact.

Her lips are plump and full and I notice that she has a habit of sucking the bottom one into her mouth so she can nervously chew on the small silver ring. Every time she grins or frowns I catch a glimpse of the barbell shoved through her tongue and the way it glistens with her saliva. I want to feel it for myself. I want to squeeze her small hips with my fingertips, savor her tiny waist and pull her close to me to if she'll let me or if she'll and pull away. I want to show her that I'm not afraid of her armor.

"Let me make a quick call first." I hold up my index finger and pull my phone (that Victoria bought me) out of my jeans pocket. Bella clasps her hands behind her back and rocks from heel to toe, back and forth back and forth, watching me intently, her ponytail swaying from side to side. It's fucking hot out today and even hotter standing out on the sidewalk with her.

Victoria's assistant picks up after the first ring and I explain that something has come up that will keep me from making my lunch "appointment" with V. She cuts me off before I can finish.

"She's been in meetings all day, Mr. Cullen. Working on pitches for a new account. She asked me to hold all her calls and arrange for lunch _and dinner_ to be delivered. ...Did she not tell you, sir?"

"...No. She did not."

"...Shall I leave her a message?"

"That won't be necessary, Tracey. I doubt she'll notice anyway. Have a nice day." I hang up and smile weakly. I stuff my phone in my back pocket and pretend like it's no big deal. I can tell that Bella feels bad for me. Her eyebrows have knit together and she knows I've been stood up or pushed to the side or whatever you want to call it. She puts both chipped thumbnails into her mouth and bites on them absentmindedly. It's the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

"Everything ok?" She mumbles into her thumbs. Great, she sounds genuinely concerned. I'm such a loser.

"Yeah fine." I smile.

"K." She sashays passed me and I turn on my heel to follow her like a hooked herring.

It's small inside. Smaller than I expected but exactly the size it should be. This must be what it felt like to be in a speak-easy during Prohibition. It's dingy. It's dark. It smells like old sweat and stale beer. My Converse sneakers scrunch across the sticky floor. A floor that could never be clean, no matter how hard or long you scrubbed it. The dirt and memories were there to stay and that's the way it should be. Same thing with the worn wood bar. It looks neat and clean but I knew if I were to put my elbows on it I'd feel the residue of the long night before. There are drink specials handwritten in a manly script on a piece of paper stuck to the mirrored wall behind the bar register along with various incriminating pictures of employees and patrons and employees _with_ patrons and employees with guests and guests with celebrities. I run my eyes over them quickly to see if I can catch any of Bella. There are tables set up near the bar with chairs still on top. They are situated to face a small open area of the floor raised slightly higher than the rest and that requires a small step to get to. That must be the stage.

Next to a dusty and faded dartboard is the schedule of acts for the week written in a sloppy yet feminine print. Once we pass the bar Bella swings open the hinged door that leads into the kitchen and flips on the ceiling light. It hums to life and buzzes steady, illuminating the room in a dull sick florescence.

"Here we are," she announces. "Make yourself at home." Impossible. It's claustrophobic and cramped. There's two small sinks – one for clean dishes and one for dirty – to one side with a wire rack overhead that must be for pint glasses. There's an ancient filthy boom box propped on a stool and faded streaked copies of the health code and sanitary rules taped to the wall. The tiled floor is cracked and caked with years of grime and mildew. The lemon scented dish detergent and pine air fresheners do little to mask the smell of vomit, grease, and armpit.

I blanch. "This is fucking gross."

"Wait til you see the men's room." She reaches under the sink and pulls out a what was once a white but is now a light gray folded apron and tosses it at me.

"Oh come on. You're not _that_ delicate are you?" She pulls her ponytail away from her sweaty neck and I notice the top of something red sticking out from the back of her tank. Another tattoo. One of these days I'm going to ask her about them and the stories they no doubt hold.

"Delicate my ass. It's fucking sweltering in here. And it smells like the Fulton Fish market on a hot and humid summer day. Hmm, kind of like today now that I think about it." My sarcasm is not lost on her. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest, which smashes her supple breasts together and I try to remember what it was that I was actually annoyed about in the first place. Oh. Right. I lost a bet and am on dish detail in an oven. But she's standing there, rocking on her heels again and I'm fixated on how perfectly in proportion all of her parts are. She's on the small side, but not fragile. She's short and trim but not petite. She has a great body. Just enough tit, just enough ass, with a flat stomach and muscular legs. I bet she ran track in high school. She's a tom boy for sure, the sexiest tom boy I've ever seen.

"So. Your girlfriend. That's who you meet for lunch?"

I'm taken aback by the way she launches into the $10 million dollar question without so much as an intro or a comment about the weather, but I'm not going to start off whatever is happening between us with a lie so I answer in truth.

"Yes."

"Oh." I see a glimmer of disappointment flash though those warm chocolate brownie eyes as they drop to her feet..

"I didn't know you...had a girlfriend."

"Why would you? This isn't Facebook, Bella. Our relationship status doesn't show up next to our name and birthday."

"You're right. I'm sorry for being so nosy."

"Don't be." I want to ask her if she has a boyfriend, but I'm too chickenshit to know the answer.

"Well, then...tell me about yourself."

"I'm not planning on making this a full time job, Miss. Swan. An interview won't be necessary." She rolls her eyes again and huffs. I want her to tell me that she wants to get to know me better. I want her to tell me that she finds me interesting, intriguing, mysterious. All the things that I think about her.

"I'm just _trying_ to make conversation. I could just leave you in here to clean up those rancid plates from last night's wing-fest..."

"Why don't you tell me more about _you_. I'm positive it's more interesting than my boring life in Forks." I want her to keep talking before she disappears. She pulls her lips into her mouth and exhales slowly.

"It's....complicated."

"I think I can keep up."

"Um, okaaaay. I don't know why you'd think my life in Phoenix was some non-stop party train but here goes. ...My parents split when I was 5, my dad stayed in Forks and my mom moved us to Phoenix. She remarried when I was 16. I studied hard, I went to Arizona State, I graduated, I came here. End of story. Now you go."

"It's pretty expensive to live here."

"Yeah well Charlie sends me $500 a month out of guilt for the abandonment issues he thinks I have. He was never there for me growing up except for a few birthdays and a Christmas now and then. Once mom married Phil, he stopped coming to Phoenix altogether."

"That's sad." She doesn't answer and I don't know why the fuck I would say something mundane and inarticulate like that. Even though my father was a task-master and my mother was vacant and complacent, at least I knew if I pushed them hard enough I'd get a reaction. If I didn't come home at night they'd notice enough to ground me. If I failed a test or got arrested, I'd get slapped. Whether the reactions were right or justified, at least they were there.

"OK enough with the essay questions. What do you like to do for fun? Besides work here."

"Bella writes amazing poetry."

The kitchen door is propped open by a small ballet-slipper wearing foot attached to a petite girl who needs to work on her eavesdropping skills.

"She let me read like two lines once but only after I got her drunk and nagged her into a coma. It was worth it though."

"Butt out, Alice!" Bella growls.

"Edward, this is Alice. She works here...for _now_."

Bella gives Alice the death stare and dagger eyes, which leads me to believe that this isn't the first time the little spiky-haired pixie with two much eyeshadow on has heard of me.

"BRANDON!!!" A bellowing roar comes from the dining room.

"Ugh. Emmett's here," Alice groans out of the corner of her mouth. "I thought he was off today. He probably doesn't have anything better to do then to come in on his day off and boss us around for no reason. I think I'll get him a hooker for his birthday. Which is next week. Which means he'll be an even bigger asshole. I should just give him a blow job myself if it'll get him to lighten the hell up. ...Ew gross, forget I said that. Alright, better go see what he wants."

The door swings shut and she's gone like a miniature Tasmanian Devil.

"Wow. Does she always talk that fast?"

"Mmm, usually faster."

"So, can I read some of your poetry?"

"Uhhh, no."

"Why?"

"Yeah it's not something that I let people read." Christ. If I could palm my face I would. Did she have to get _more_ intriguing by the minute?

"Okayyy. Can you_ tell me_ what do you write about?"

".....Whatever's on my mind. Random observations about people, life, loves, typical stuff. Boyfriends, things like that."

"Did you write about yesterday? About meeting me?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Why not?"

"Let me ask _you_ a question."

"Anything."

"Why'd you buy that guitar?" She points to the case propped against the refrigerator. I've been carrying it with me everywhere since I bought it. It makes me feel whole again.

"I used to have one back in Forks but I couldn't...I _didn't_ bring it with me when I moved here. I used to play all the time though. I wanted to go to school for music...classical piano actually... but that wasn't good enough for my father. _Music is a distraction from real responsibilities_, he'd say. _Turn that noise off and do your homework. Stop living with your head in the clouds. Grow up and apply yourself, Edward. You're a Cullen. _ _You were born into this family to be a success. Anything less is unacceptable._ So instead of asking for lessons that I knew I'd never get, I taught myself. It's hard to sneak a piano around so I borrowed a friends guitar and took some books out of the library. Once I figured out the chords and had learned a few covers, I started sneaking out and playing wherever I could. Parties mostly."

"Why'd you stop?"

"...I...uh...I started listening to what other people told me. " I don't want to continue this line of questioning. I don't want her to ask me why I came to New York. I haven't completely figured that one out yet myself and I don't think I'll be able to explain it to her.

"My turn. ...How long have you been writing poetry?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it _poetry_. Mindless ramblings knitted into poorly constructed sentences fraught with grammatical errors..."

"Bella answer the question."

"Ugh fine. You're so annoying." She pushes her tongue out the corner of her perfect mouth and winks at me.

"Freshman year in high school. I need it to help me think. I can't function from day to day unless I get it out.... My mom wanted to send me to a shrink because I would go days without speaking, not because I was angry with her but because I couldn't verbalize anything. I couldn't speak my feelings. It's still hard for me to...communicate, sometimes.

"Anyway, I got so frustrated and confused, I didn't understand what I was supposed to be doing or how to help myself and I didn't want to be sent away. I let it build up to the point that when I did finally speak it came out in shrieks and screams, again not because my mom had done anything wrong – she's great – I just thought I was weak and stupid. I couldn't talk to people. How can you not talk to people? You just open your mouth and let the words come out, right? That's the brilliant advice my father gave me. The man's probably said a total of 15 words to me my entire life and that was the brilliance he came up with when I called him hysterically crying because I heard my mother on the phone with a psychiatrist. But anyway. I read somewhere that putting your thoughts down in a journal helps to relieve stress and tension, allows you to get out all of the cement that holds your thoughts down."

"Did it help?"

"No. Everything I wrote sounded like a manual on how to complain and whine about how hard your life is and how no one understands you. I didn't want to wallow but I started to hate myself more. I felt locked up and claustrophobic, useless. And that's not the person I wanted to be.

"I got up one day and was thoroughly sick of it. Sick of myself, sick of everything, and I decided that I was going to spin this sickness a different way. Whatever it was that was killing me, I was going to make it work for me instead.

"I turned the feelings I was having into stories about other people. That way it didn't sound like whining, I couldn't be so hard on myself because it wasn't ME. It was someone else.

"God I sound like a fucking basket-case. Feel free to turn in your apron and run for the door." She laughs a forced giddy laugh that I know is fake and that I know is because she feels embarrassed for spilling her secrets to me. I untie the apron from behind my back and place it in a pile on the edge of this sink. She nods her head in a sad understanding. She's been left before. She expects it. I comb my hand through the side of my hair as I take those three steps that separate us. She backs up until there's nowhere left to go.

"I don't want to run," I whisper almost inaudibly.

"You...you don't?" she gulps.

"No, Bella. I don't." That's it. I have to go for it. This girl is too good to be true. She's amazing. She talked herself through her own existential crisis without the help of drugs or counseling and it opened up a world of genius inside her that she might otherwise never have known existed.

There's a need in my eyes that she recognizes.

"I don't want to run away from you. Can't you see that? I'm here, aren't I? I came back. I'm in a dingy disgusting cesspool of a kitchen willing to do nasty things to gross pieces of silverware for the opportunity to spend any amount of time with you. I don't know anything about you other than the fact that I want to know _everything_ about you. Something about you drew me back and it's only been getting more intense with each passing second that I'm with you. Tell me you feel it, too."

Her heavy breath is wafting across my face and with each inhalation her breasts reach out for my chest. The scent of peach and roses radiate off her skin. She eyes are darting between mine and her mouth is hanging open but there are no words escaping. I want to give her a pad and a pen so she can tell me the answer no matter what it is. Even if she says no, I'll leave here enjoying the short time we had each others company, happy in the knowledge that there is someone like her in the world.

I feel her fingers slide into my hand. She brings it up and places my palm over her heart, right above the mound of her breast, and puts hers over mine. She's trembling and her heart is pounding hard and hot under my hand. Her eyes are pleading into mine and she finally speaks.

"...Yes. Yes...I feel it too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok so first off - - thank you SO MUCH for reading and favoriting, not so much for reviewing but I'll get over it *pouts a little* **

**Secondly, In case it is in any way unclear, this is definitely an EDWARD/BELLA story. HOWEVER yes it is true.....Edward and _Victoria_ (GASP!)are BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. And boyfriends and girlfriends have sex and fight and then make up and then fight more and have sex again. :O So yes, Victoria plays a supporting role in this story at least for the moment. And if that disgusts you to the point where you can't even be bothered to read this....well then, ummm, I don't know what to tell ya.**

**Hmmm, ok I think that was everything :D Please forgive typos.  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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BPOV

"Nice phrase today, Bells," Emmett snorts, slicing his thumb over his shoulder at the front door and beyond that to the sidewalk where the blackboard announcing my carefully crafted phrase is standing proud. _Let's see what that beautiful mouth can do_. Indeed.

I've only known Edward for the very briefest of time, mere hours if I really thought about it, and in those moments I've learned that he's from the same town where I was born, has probably been arrested by my father on more than one occasion, reads Kafka, plays the piano _and_ the guitar, has a constant sex-fueled habit of dragging his fingers through his luscious golden brown hair, is funny and sarcastic as fuck at the same time, has just as little of a clue what he wants to do with his life as I did, doesn't pussy out when he loses a bet, and...oh yeah...has a _fucking girlfriend_.

Game over.

It may be going on two months since I've been laid, but I'm not getting involved with a dude that's got a girlfriend. Even if he _is_ gorgeous. And intoxicating. _ And _just told me he has feelings for me. And who I just told I had feelings for too. _Fuck_. How did I let _that_ shit happen?? Oh yeah.....Everything turns fuzzy when he's doing that thing he does when he's, y'know.._.looking at me_. I have ZERO social filter with him and end up saying anything that's in my head. I've never had that problem with anyone before. In fact my problem has always been the exact opposite - getting the words out and getting them to be the right words, which they usually aren't, and which is why I'm still single. But with Edward I'm an open spigot gushing non-stop. It's freaking me out. I've never been that way with anyone before, let alone a stranger I just met.

It can't matter. I need to shut the valve before I drown. I've never been in a girl-fight over a guy before and I'm not starting at 23. No way.

Thank fucking God Emmett started barking my name from behind the bar like a rabid pit bull or I probably would have kept right on talking about my feelings like some high school cheerleader. I gave Edward an apologetic look and rolled on my shoulder and out the kitchen door, leaving him inside to fend for himself.

And now all I'm thinking about while Emmett goes over his inane inventory list is how I'm going to get away from him and find my way back into the cage of Edward's arms. Why won't Emmett shut the fuck up about how many cocktail napkins come in a package?

He's momentarily distracted by a loud crash that is most likely Edward knocking a teetering stack of sauce pans off the stove top.

"Who the fuck is that?" Emmett grumbles, barely looking up from the notepad.

"_That_ is a person, Emmett. And his name is Edward. He lost a bet and that's his punishment, so don't worry, you don't have to pay him."

Emmett shakes his head and mumbles something about 'bumbling idiot' and 'tupperware'.

"Excuse us, Em," Alice interrupts from out of nowhere. "Bella and I need to have a serious discussion in the ladies room."

She's actually hurting me with those stubby painted fingernails as she pulls me down the hall and flings me into the stall slamming the latch.

"Where did you come from? Aren't you off today?" I mumble. I'm really not in the mood for the pixie-stick and the Noah's Ark flood of 1,000 questions that I know is coming.

"Holy _crap_, Bella!" I almost start bursting out laughing right then and there. Her quiet whisper is the loudest thing I've ever heard.

"IS THAT HIM?? He's GORGEOUS! Oh my God if someone like _that_ knocked me over I would NOT have complained and I sure as shit would not be standing around with him in our grimy_ kitchen_. I'd be laying in his _bed_ exhausted from the sex-a-thon we just had. And that _hair_??? And what about those eyes?? I don't think I've ever seen eyes that shade of green before. They're not emerald or hunter or kelly...I bet he's great in bed, don't you? Shit yeah. I'd let him fuck me sideways in a heartbeat..."

"Alice," I pinch the bridge of my nose. I can't. "Are you being for real right now? I thought you had the silent hots for _Jasper_? Which btw, are _so_ transparent..."

"Ugh, whatever. You are sooo lucky. It looks like he's into you, too. Are you guys going to go out on a date?"

"On a _what_??" I laugh-snort. "Who are you, my grandma? A date? Is that even something people do anymore? Christ, Al, I think you were born in the wrong decade. You're like a living extra from The Wonder Years. Besides, he has a girlfriend."

"A_WHAT_?!"

"Shhh!" I cringe. Whisper-_shriek_ is more like it. "Can you _shut up_? …..A girlfriend. You know, one of those constant female companions that you _fuck sideways_ on a regular basis? Yeah. He's got one of his very own."

"Shut. Up. How long have they been together?"

"No idea. I didn't want to ask and make it look like I care."

"But you _do_ care."

"Yes ok. I care. I like him. I've known him for a total of 20 minutes and every time I think about him I get a knot in the pit of my stomach and I want to crawl into bed and die. Happy now?"

"Wow."

"Wait til you hear the next part."

"I don't know if I can take it..."

"Yeah well hang on. ….He just told me that he has..._feelings _for me." Her jaw drops open and her hand flies to the center of her chest.

"Are you serious? _Feelings?_ He used the word _'feelings'_? What _kind_ of feelings?"

"I don't know. It all happened so fast. One minute I was telling him about my writing and watching him put on an apron, the next thing I know he's breathing on me and talking about his fucking _feelings_. I didn't know guys still did that shit."

I rest my head back on the tiled wall and squeeze my eyes closed until I see stars.

"What did you say?"

"You're not going to like it."

"Just say it." She could be scary for a midget.

"....I told him I did too. ...Fuck off don't give me that look, Alice. You were just telling me how I should have followed him home and fucked him on his front porch. You see what he looks like, right? Well wait til you hear how he_ talks_ and how he just _IS_. What do you want from me?!"

"I want you to tell him to go fuck himself! You can't get involved with a guy that's got a girlfriend, Bella. That's bullshit. You deserve so much better than that. Especially after 'he who shall remain nameless'. This is a big city with lots of boys in it. If you wanted one we could have been going out for months now. I've tried to set you up with guys from Fordham a million times and you never wanted to go."

"I know all this. And you know me, bunny. I'm not social, I'm not outgoing. I don't like most things about most people with the exception of you and Jasper, and yes even Emmett. Shut up, he's cool. But there's something about this boyyyyyy. I like him. I don't want to but I dooooo."

I'm whining. I even stomped my foot just now. I'm pathetic.

"Well get over it cuz you can't have him. He's taken, honey. And I can't believe you told him about your _writing_. That's so unfair! I've been trying to get you to open up about that since I first met you in that cafe on Bleeker."

"Blame Edward."

Alice rolls her eyes and pretend vomits into the trash can. "Right. _There's just something about him_. Come on let's get out of this toilet before I yak for real."

We leave the facilities and head back to the bar, where Edward is sitting on a stool, sipping a mixed drink of some kind and...talking to Emmett? Over the line! No one likes Emmett! Except me! That makes him mine!

Alice pops a squat next to Edward and interrupts their conversation. I notice that Edward's long fingers are puckered at the tips. That asshole. He actually did dishes while he was in there. The front hem of his tight gray American Apparel t-shirt is damp from leaning against the sink and there's stray beads of sweat across his forehead that I want to lick off one by one and...huh?

I go behind the bar and pour a pint of Stella for a customer and pretend to keep myself busy by refilling the lime cup. Emmett looks at me from the side of his eyes like a suspect. If he weren't always covering it up with a funky attitude, Emmett would have a great personality. He's built like a quarterback with jet black hair and light blue eyes. I've seen him toss drunk assholes out of the bar on their faces after they insulted or upset a female and I've seen him go over to that same girl afterwards and console her, tell her it's ok and apologize for the douchbag's behavior. Emmett's solid in my book.

"So Edward. Where do you live?" Alice asks inquisitively

"...Live?" Edward asks his drink, as if looking directly at Alice will turn him to stone.

"Yes, darling. You know, your current place of residence? Not a hard question, sweetie. It's one of those beginning ones."

"Ha, right. Um, right now I live on 91st and 1st."

"_The Upper East Side_? Wow. That's a long way from here. How'd you find our humble establishment?"

"I stumbled upon it. Quite literally."

He shoots a crooked grin in my direction and my knees start to shake. I give him a weak smile and roll my eyes.

"How long have you known my Isabella?"

"Umm, about 26 hours. Not that I've been counting."

"And how long have you been with your girlfriend?"

"Alice! Stop being so rude!" I yelp apologetically with pleading eyes. I'm mortified.

"No it's ok." Edward clears his throat and musses his hair damp with sweat and dishwater.

"...We've been together on and off for about five years."

My stomach plummets. A fucking long-term relationship. Un-REAL. Emmett starts laughing from his perch on the countertop.

"I don't think I'd be able to hit the same pussy for five _days_, let alone five years, dude. I'm impressed."

"That's because you're a disgusting pig," Alice spits. Emmett shrugs and goes back to assessing the vodka situation.

"Like I said," Edward continues. "It's been on and _off _for five years. She's older than me so when she left for college, I stayed in Forks. Then I went to South America for a year after I graduated and I only saw her maybe three times in that year."

"She visited you in South America?" Alice was reading my mind.

Edward nods and begins shifting awkwardly in his seat. I feel bad. He's being grilled and he hasn't done anything wrong...except give me false hope, but I'm putting a stop to that immediately.

--------------

At 6 o'clock Alice moves over to the coffee bar station. The club is starting to get pretty packed. Thursday is the new Friday, as Jasper says. Alice makes a mean vanilla latte and is the heart behind the cafe portion of the Bowery Poetry Club and _Cafe_. We serve all your beverage needs. She's also been keeping Edward's glass of vodka soda refilled. He's been planted at the end of the bar since Alice's mini-interrogation and has been keeping me company while Emmett barks orders and sends me scurrying all over the fucking place fetching cases of beer and wine to stock up for the weekend.

I finally get a breather and climb on a stool so I can crank the AC up. Then I plug in my iPod and put on _Bromst_, Dan Deacon's latest album. I know it will cause Emmett's eyes to roll out of his head but if it were up to him, which it's NOT, he'd have The Grateful Dead on morning, noon, and night. I fucking hate The Dead. I'll meet him in the middle and put a little Ryan Adams on later in the evening. Thursday's are typically music only nights unless I book a local band or get lucky and book a headliner that's passing through town. It's been known to happen. If not I usually make a playlist of stuff that's doing it for me at the moment.

"The new Dan Deacon, huh?" Edward yells across the bar at me. I turn to him. He's chewing on the end of a red stirrer and has twirled the end into a knot with his tongue. FUCK. OFF.

"You, uh, you know this?" I gulp. _What are we listening to again?_

He laughs and shakes his head. I realize how stuck up that just sounded.

"We get music in Forks, too, y'know. If you have a computer and know the right blogs to download leaks from it's fairly easy." He winks at me and I make him another vodka soda. He already looks pretty sauced and pulls more money from his wallet. I put a chip on the counter and slide it towards him. He looks up at me through hooded eyes and licks his lips. I keep my finger on the chip for a few seconds as I hold his gaze and then slowly pull it back .

"This one's on me."

------------------

After _Bromst_ plays through, I keep the music selections in the D's and put on Department of Eagles, _In Ear Park_. In between pouring beers and making drinks for customers I glance over in Edward's direction from time to time. Each time I do I meet his gaze head on. He doesn't turn away or seem embarrassed that I've caught him watching me. I make myself a vodka cranberry to take the edge off and suck on it hungrily.

Alice has just as many customers at the coffee bar as I do. I can see that she's not drinking booze tonight. Probably because Jasper's not around. She usually needs a few cosmos to work up the nerve to flirt her guts out with him. It's so nauseating.

The lyrics of "No One Does It Like You" compel me to turn towards Edward again.

Out in the morning come  
You don't need to ask an alibi  
And in the morning comes  
You don't need to be so honest

Part of me wishes that Edward hadn't been so honest earlier. Any other guy would totally have lied about having a girlfriend. Why would he ruin his chance at getting ass by telling me he not only has a steady gf but that he's practically fucking married? He sucks. I stick my tongue out at him and playfully give him the finger as the chorus kicks in, _No one does it like you_. He doesn't smile or look offended or give me any reaction at all. He just keeps staring at me.

Emmett breaks me from my trance. He pulls the wet rag out of my hands that I'm wringing mercilessly and nods towards Alice.

"We can handle it tonight, B. It's about time Brandon learned how to hustle. Plus that fucking Whitlock pest isn't here to distract her and Donovan should be here any minute to finish inventory. G'head and take off before I change my mind."

I open my mouth to object but he gives me the "end of story" eyebrow raise and looks over at Edward who's now politely entertaining the advances of a mini-skirt wearing skank with a tacky half-sleeve and lame cheek piercings that has been eye-fucking him for the last hour.

"Oh and Bells," Emmett gets close enough for me to smell his aftershave.

"I wasn't going to tell you this cuz I didn't want to upset you. I don't even know if it upsets you anymore but the last time you...and then. Ah fuck it..."

"Em?" My brow wrinkles in confusion. I lean in closer to hear him over the music and out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett's babbling has caught Edward's attention. He's tilted his head away from Stankonia and is attempting to be a better eavesdropper. Em is fidgeting with a stack of plastic shot glasses and avoiding eye contact like the plague. I put my hand on his beefy forearm to get him to look at me. He sighs and finally spills it.

"Jake came in here last Saturday looking for you. James told him to get the fuck out blablabla same shit as last time and he left without drama. Anyway, I thought you should know. ...Don't worry about it, ok? He'll never show his face within 50 blocks of this place when he knows I'm around. And _I'm_ around when _you're_ around, remember?"

"I know, Emmett. It's ok. I'm not afraid anymore. Thank you for telling me though." I smile and squeeze his arm to let him know I mean it.

"Yeah no problem. So, you gonna take him home tonight or what?" He motions over his shoulder to the corner of the bar where Edward is sitting.

"If not I think I know someone who will. That ho Tanya has been riding his jock all night and she usually goes home with what she wants."

I shrug and grab my faded, stained army green Fossil bag covered in band badges and the strap attached with safety pins from under the register and give Em a goodnight salute. I walk to the end of the bar and smack it twice to get Edward's attention.

"Hey!" His face lights up and my heart skips a beat. Tanya rolls her eyes to make sure I know she hates me and slings her leg over Edward's thigh.

"I'm getting out of here. Emmet's removed my collar so I'm gonna scurry home before he realizes he can't function without me."

"OK! Yeah great!! I'll come with you," he answers without hesitation, chugging the rest of his drink and sucking in a few ice cubes for good measure before slamming the glass down and smiling sheepishly at Tanya. He gives her leg back and meets me at the front door.

I avoid Alice's death ray, giving her a quick goodnight wave before heading out. I'll deal with her tomorrow.

We walk up the avenue in silence, enjoying the night air. The humidity has dropped leaving behind only the pure heat, which is bearable and almost pleasant. I stare at the sidewalk in front of me, listening to the sound of mine and Edward's footsteps hitting the pavement in unison. I fiddle absentmindedly with the strap of my bag slung across my chest.

"Thank you for saving me from her," Edward says finally. "If I had to inhale one more noseful of that foul Sarah Jessica Parker's 'Lovely' fragrance I think I would have passed out under the bar in a pool of my own vomit."

His grossed out vomit face is too hilarious for words. I throw my head back and laugh out loud before slapping my hand over my mouth.

"I cannot believe you know what it's called," I mumble through my fingers. "That's hysterical. Maybe we should discuss your sexual orientation for real this time."

"Ha, whatever. I know more about that kind of shit than any man, straight or gay, should. If you ever meet my sister, you'll understand why." He does a cringy shoulder-shake-shiver thing and I swear to God I want to throw myself at him and drag him behind a building.

Instead we keep walking. I'm dying to know what he's thinking but I'm also kind of liking our silent little walk with our private thoughts.

"So. Isabella." Out of the corner of my eye I see his hands are in his pockets and the weight of his guitar case is causing him to walk slightly hunched at the shoulders.

"Yes?"

"What will it take for you to read your poetry in front of people?" We're stopped at a crosswalk. I look up at him. He's looking across the street.

"What will it take to get you to perform again?" The light changes and we begin walking again.

"Ha, clever girl. You are wonderful at deflecting questions that you are not ready to answer. How about we make a deal. You do deals, don't you?"

"Depends. Spill it, Cullen."

"OK. I saw the schedule posted on the wall in the club. Wednesday's are Spoken Word nights, right?"

"Your point being?"

"I assumed it was blatantly obvious. You get up there. You read your stuff..."

"No way..."

"Let me finish. You get up there and read something of yours..." He cocks his eyebrow to see if I'm going to cut him off again. I don't. "...And I'll get up there and sing."

"You lie."

"Whoa. I do NOT lie. I would hope you'd at least know that about me by now."

"...I don't know, Edward. I've never read my stuff for anyone. Ever."

"You've got to start somewhere."

"...You first."

"Huh?"

"Fine. But only if you go first. Tomorrow night. Friday Night Open Mic. If you show up and play...then next week I'll..." I can't believe I'm about to say it. I can't believe how easy I gave in to him. No one will believe me.

"...I'll do it." His ear to eat shit-eating grin is worth the absolute gut-splitting terror I feel at the thought of standing in front of anyone and reading my stuff.

"Deal." he sticks out his hand and I shake it.

----------------

We've reached my block and my building on the corner and suddenly I'm more terrified than if I were in a dark alley with Freddy Krueger. There's only one lamppost on the block flooding the street in hazy muted yellow.

"You live by the park," Edward observes. He looks up at the street sign and says it under his breath, "Avenue B and 7th."

"Um, so yeah, this is my door. Thanks for walking me home, Edward. You didn't have to do that."

He smiles and shrugs modestly. "Your friends are really nice."

"Sorry Alice pulled the Spanish Inquisition move on you, but she was asking all the questions I was thinking."

"It's ok. I deserved it. I'm a stranger volunteering to do your dirty dishes. Plus she knows I have a…well, I'm sure she thinks I'm a complete prick…"

"Edward, stop."

"Stop what?" There's a real concern in his eyes that proves to me this is going too far. I want him, I want to try him, and I can't. He belongs to someone else.

"I can't do this. I thought I could, but after hanging out with you all night and then walking home with you now...I like it. And that scares me, because I'm only going to keep liking it more and more..."

"...I know how this must look. How _I_ must look to you. Yes, I have a girlfriend. But that doesn't change the way I'm beginning to feel for you, Bella. It sounds cheesy, but I've never felt this way before. I've never felt this pull in my chest before and I have had other opportunities with other women and this feeling was never there with them either. You said you felt it too. Was that a lie? Were you just humoring me?"

"No. Which is why I'm going inside now and you're going home."

I turn my back to him and set my trembling hand on the door handle. I hear the shuffle of his feet behind me and I know he's leaving. I'll probably never see him again but I'm not ready to think about that now. I'll think about that later.

Suddenly his hand slides deftly around my waist, tugging me back to his chiseled stomach. His thumb moves in circles over the skin above my belly button as his grip around me tightens.

"Turn around, Bella. Look at me."

I shake my head. If I turn around my resolve will crumble under the weight of those eyes. I can smell the vodka on his breath. It's wafting across my neck and sending shivers down my arms. As if he can see them too, his hands – soft and supple yet manly and strong, I know they'd hold me the way I need to be held – find their way down my forearms and clasp themselves around my thin wrists.

"Bella. Please. Turn around."

He applies the gentlest of pressure on my pulse points in an attempt to move me and I instantly know that this man, despite all his faults, will never intentionally hurt me.

He brushes my pony tail over my shoulder to expose the back of my damp neck and releases one of my wrists so he can use his free hand to trace the outline of the tattoo sticking out of the top of my tank. His index finger glides over it, moving my shirt down a little more with each swipe.

"What is this?" he asks, placing a tiny kiss on the scarred skin. The heat from his lips burns like an iron.

"It's a ribbon," I blurt out. "It goes down my shoulder blade. I'd have to take my shirt off for you to see the whole thing."

I swear I hear him mutter, 'maybe one day', under his breath.

My feet finally betray me like I knew they would and I pivot on my toes to face him. His eyes meet mine instantly.

"Hi," he smiles.

"Hi. ….Edward?"

"Yes?" his stare is so powerful with his eyes boring in to mine.

"Please don't kiss me."

"ok."

Our foreheads are touching, my head is swimming under his aroma. His eyes are closed and he's breathing through his nose like a stallion. I watch his broad chest rise and fall under his thin shirt, stained with the marks of his sweat. I'm holding my breath.

"Edward," I squeak. "I'm sorry."

He nods in understanding. I lift my head and I know he lips are going to be there waiting for me. I meet the edges of their warmth with my own. A sweet peck and I hear him sigh in exaltation. He pushes down deeper and my arms snake their way around his waist. All is lost and I slide them roughly up his muscled torso until I'm at the back of his neck and pushing my hands into his hair, grabbing handfuls and pulling forcefully to move his head where I want it. I moan into his open mouth. My hands are everywhere, clawing into his back to push him closer while he steadies us against the wall with the weight of his body . My tongue ring clinks against his teeth and he growls. I can feel that stir something inside him. I know I must seem desperate for him but I don't care. I didn't know it would be like this. I wrap my leg around his calf so he can't get away, squirming and writhing under his persistent touch. His lips are at my ear whispering my name and I groan yes's into the hot night air. I let him scrape my shoulder blades across the brick wall of my building excited to see the marks that they'll leave tomorrow.

"I want you to come inside." I let it slip out but I don't regret saying it. We won't start lying to each other now.

"I know." he runs his tongue across my top lip and sucks my bottom into his mouth. It's ecstasy.

And I'm about to ruin it.

"Which is why you need to leave. Now, Edward. Please leave now...and don't come back."


	7. Chapter 7

**I updated my profile to include the music mentioned in the last chapter. I'll do that moving forward for each chapter and do my best to explain how the music I've selected fits into the story.**

**This chapter includes a short JPOV. He'll show up from time to time.**

**ALL LOVE to Badly Drawn Boy and Neko Case and Joe Purdy for their amazing music and inspiration. I've put links to their songs in my profile. The lyrics are amazing. CHECK THEM OUT :D**

**Please review!! Even if you think I suck ;p**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

I should feel like a sugary regret-filled asshole after what just happened between me and Bella. I let it happen. I wanted it to happen and if she didn't stop me I would have let it continue to happen all the way up to her bedroom. I'd be laying between her sheets right now with our underwear tangled in a pile on the floor and muffling my moans into her neck instead of on this hard park bench replaying that kiss over and over again, desperately tonguing the sides of my mouth to lick up the remnants of the metallic taste she's left on me.

But I'm a cheater and now she knows it. If she ever believed for one second that I was different, that I didn't have only one thing on my mind, I surely ruined any chance I had at showing her that. I can't blame her for never wanting to see me again. I'm shocked she entertained my presence at all after what I told her.

At least now I'm the scumbag she wanted me to be.

I should probably feel like a dick for what I did to Victoria. But I don't. Not even a little. And there's a pretty good reason for that.

**

The summer after I graduated from Forks High I was supposed to spend two weeks with her in California. It was my mini summer vacation before my father strong-armed me into making a decision on what I planned to do for the rest of my life.

I should have known something was up when after a celebratory dinner at my house, she took my hand and led me outside. I felt a "talk" coming on.

"Edward, I decided to take a bunch of extra classes this summer in order to graduate early. I've also been accepted to intern at Hauser, it's this amazing full-service agency in LA where I can make a ton of connections."

"Whoa, that's really great." I tried to sound enthusiastic but not only did it sound fucking _boring_, I had a feeling a sick blow-off was right around the corner.

"It also means that most of my time is going to be spent either in class or studying or at work."

"Uh huh. Sounds like there won't be a lot of time left over for _me_."

"...I think the best thing for us right now is to do our own things for awhile."

"Our own things," I repeat, crossing my arms.

"Until my life settles down. Everything is so crazy with school and work..."

"...So you said..."

"We can still talk all the time, like we do now. I'll probably be at work or in class but if you call my cell I'll definitely call you back as soon as I can."

"Wow thanks." She ignored my snarky comment and kept right on going.

"Your father told me about South America and I think it's a great idea"

"You think I should go?"

"Definitely! You'll have a great time! I'll miss you like crazy of course, but..."

And then the clincher...

"I would understand if you wanted to see someone else while you were away."

"Uhhh....Huh?"

"Edward, you're young and handsome and charming and it's only natural that women find you attractive. I've accepted that and I wouldn't be angry with you if you were with someone else. We're at a point in our lives where anything is possible and I don't want to hold you back from experiencing the world and what it has to offer."

"Like hot sex with Brazilian chicks? Yeah I suppose it _would_ be a shame if I missed out on fucking Gisele's sister."

"It's better this way, Edward. For now, at least. I want you to have the time of your life while you're there and once I'm through with college…we'll see how it goes."

I had never been broken up with before. I wasn't sure if that's what was happening but whatever it was, it gave me a sudden and unfamiliar pressure in my chest and I felt like I was going to cry. Not the way I cried when my grandmother died or when I was a kid and didn't get my way. It was a different kind of unhappiness. It was a melancholy; a feeling of inferiority, the way you feel when you get second place in a contest or lose a race that you thought you were winning.

I knew what it was.

It was rejection.

She rested her hand lightly on my forearm in a patronizing and consolatory way that filled me with an overwhelming desire to punch her in the face.

"I know we'll see each other again. I don't want to lose you."

Then why the fuck are you _dumping_ me? What the fuck kind of sense does _that_ make? I wanted to say all of that and more – I wanted to call her a fucking stuck-up, elitist cunt. Instead I nodded and forced a weak smile through my pursed lips.

At that moment a cab pulled up in front of my house. It seemed she had this all planned out from the day she landed in Forks to attend my graduation and there wasn't much I could do or say to change her mind. I didn't even feel like trying.

I helped her with her bags and opened the car door for her. She stuck her head out the window and I wanted to chop it off.

"Call me when you land in Rio, ok?" She tried to look sad that she was leaving but her face betrayed her and showed what she truly felt…relief.

"Yeah. Good luck at school or whatever." Fuck you.

"Don't say goodbye, Edward. This isn't goodbye."

It sure as shit _felt_ like goodbye. She pretty much just gave me free reign to fuck any Portuguese supermodel I wanted while she wined and dined and sixty-nined her way to the top of the corporate ladder. Fuck her.

I stood at the end of my tree-lined driveway and watched the cab retreat until it disappeared from view. I waited for the tears to come. Shouldn't I be crying? My girlfriend just dumped me. I tried to force them out, but I couldn't. They weren't there to be had. I went back into my plantation-style Tara-esque house and climbed the winding stairs to my room. I laid on my king-sized bed and assessed the past two-years of my life and the role she played in it. She was just like me on the outside. Beautiful, wealthy, intelligent, entitled. I thought so hard about the feelings I was feeling, I tried to define them. Abandonment? No. I didn't feel abandoned. Unloved? No. We never said we loved each other and if we ever did it would have been because we thought we should, not because we actually did. Ugly? Nope. I had a graduation robe full of phone numbers from willing applicants that wanted to board the Cullen-train. Long-distance ass, community college ass. I was all set. Failure? No. I didn't feel like a failure. I didn't want the same things Victoria wanted.

I thought so hard I ended up falling asleep. When I woke I had found it. The definition I was looking for. It wasn't abandonment or ugliness or resentment or failure. It wasn't even sadness I felt as I watched the cab take her away. It was…Disappointment. I was really looking forward to two weeks in the California sun.

**

It's after midnight when the cab lets me out in front of Victoria's building. I stumble out onto the sidewalk tripping over the curb giggling to myself. I had to get a cab after unsuccessfully attempting to navigate my way back here by subway. Shouldn't have sat in the bar down the block from Bella's building for an hour debating whether or not to go back to her. Six shots of Patron later...

I can only imagine the wrath that awaits me upstairs, the onslaught of interrogation questions, the look of disgust and disappointment, or maybe this time it will be her classic pissy attitude of huffing around and doing her best to show me that she's ignoring me. I spent the entire day and evening with Bella, completely lost track of time, and didn't even bother to pick up the phone to tell her I'd be home late. Normally I'd walk in with my tail between my legs, with my excuses already lined up and rehearsed on the way over, but this time I hadn't even tried.

She actually gave me a key, imagine that. I push open the door to find the place in darkness. I flip on the track lighting. Everything is just as I left it. I made sure to make the bed and clean up after myself before I left this morning.

My phone starts buzzing in my front pocket. I sift it out and flip it open.

"Yo."

"Is that how you answer the phone when your father calls?"

"Already talking in the third person, pop? This can't be a good sign."

"Have you made the appointments with the professors I referred you to?"

"Uhhh, nope."

"Have you begun looking for a job?"

"Negative," I belch into the receiver.

"You're drunk. I should have known. Already wasting valuable time..."

"I just fucking got here, dad. Can't I get a few nights of drunken debauchery in the Big Apple before I cut my balls off and give them to Victoria to put in a glass case?"

"That is not why I agreed to pay your way to New York, Edward. If it were up to me you'd be at the University of Washington on your way to a degree in medicine and on a path..."

"...That you've clearly defined and would have complete control of." I'm going to pass out any second but I have to get this out.

"You won't be happy until you're navigating my entire life. You told me I should work things out with Vic after she finished college, and I did. I went to LA. Practically begged her to take me back. Then she moves to New York..."

"...She was presented with an amazing opportunity that she would have been a fool not to take. If only you could recognize..."

"...And if _that_ didn't shrink my man-sack enough, the two of you convince me to follow her out here like her fucking bitch..."

"Edward your language is reprehensible. Is this how you speak to your mother?"

"...Where she's the only person I know and I have to schedule a meeting with her fucking _assistant_ to have lunch with her! Staying in her ridiculous apartment with a bullshit community college education and you all disappointed in me every fucking second and appointments at law schools I never showed any fucking interest in that YOU decided would be the right thing for me!"

"This ungrateful side of you is very disappointing, Edward..."

"I feel like I'm in an arranged fucking marriage!!"

"You're my son and I won't let you be an embarrassment to this family."

"Right cuz there's nothing embarrassing about being pussy-whipped by a woman as long as she's successful, right!? Put mom on."

I'm going to throw up Maker's Mark all over Vicky's cashmere couch or whateverthefuck if I have to listen to Daddy's voice for one more nauseating second.

"Edward? Sweetie?" My mother's delicate chirp calms me.

"Hi, ma. Dad sounds pissed." To put it mildly. I hear him in the background ranting. _Entitled little punk, ungrateful brat._

"I wish you wouldn't fight with him. He only wants what's best for you, even if he has a tough way of showing it."

"Please don't stick up for him."

"He's your father, Edward. He loves you..."

"As long as I play by his rules. As long as I give in."

I hate arguing with my mother. She may have been medicated my entire life and had one too many high-balls at dinner every night but I always knew she loved me and Rosalie. She told us we were smart and beautiful. Her little angels. Her shining stars. Her precious babies. And as corny as it sounds, those are the things I remember about growing up in the Cullen clan. Not the fact that she stood behind my father as he told me to pack my things and get the fuck out of his house.

I hang up on her just as Victoria walks through the door, dumping her briefcase on the island in the center of the kitchen.

"I could hear you arguing out in the hall. Was that your father?"

"Uh huh. Then it was a tag team match, only I was missing a player." I walk away without kissing her hello – I doubt she notices – and slump on the couch. I reach down and pull the guitar case to my lap and rest my hands on it. I want to take it out and practice the song I started writing on the subway ride back from Bella's but I don't want to share it with Victoria.

"What's wrong, Edward?" She's unfastening her skirt on her way into the bedroom. Normal, pre-Bella me would have followed her in there and given her a hand, and by hand I mean bent her over the dresser and rode her until I forgot what I was angry about. But post-Bella me doesn't feel like forgetting anymore.

"I don't know how to make him happy."

"You need to start fresh," she calls out.

"You mean start _over_. Completely disregard who I am."

"I never said that."

"Look, I didn't even ask you where the fuck _you've_ been all night," I snarl. "Did I?"

"I misplaced the number to your cell. I left a message on the house phone."

"Like I even know how to use that _space station_ you call an answering machine."

I'm wrong. I'm drunk. I'm fucked in the head. I'm arguing with her and being an asshole for no reason. Because I don't want to be here. Because I feel trapped. Because I want time to reverse. Because I wish I never met Bella. Then I could be a pussy-whipped bitch and settle and never know she existed. I'm a scumbag, remember?

"I _moved_ out here for you, Victoria. And you only let me bring _one_ bag. Can you fit all of your possessions into _one bag_?"

"You're drunk."

"Stunning observation. Maybe _you_ should be the lawyer."

The shrill ring of her Blackberry echoes through the apartment.

"I have to get this."

"Of course you do." I roll my eyes as she picks up.

"Yes? ...Jackson, is everything alright? ...I thought the presentation went well and....he did? Tomorrow night? Where? ...Yes, we'll be there. ...Yes, Edward, too."

**BPOV**

I trip my way up the stairs. Fucking flip flops. Fucking super still hasn't fixed the lighting in the entranceway or staircase. I've fallen over my feet this week more times than I can count. Asshole. I race down the hall to my door and fumble with the lock. I'm inside in record time. I slam the door behind me, kick off my flip flops and dart into the bathroom where I can finally let it out. I make sure to grab the cordless phone on the way.

_He won't see you cry in here. He won't know._

I don't even bother turning on the light. I lean against the door to support my shaking body. The street lamp outside gives just enough illumination without allowing me to see my reflection in the mirror. I hug my arms underneath my rib cage and bend over at my waist. I let the sobs rack my body with a power all their own. The pain in my stomach is as real as if someone had sliced through it with a blade. My chest is heavy with the weight of a thousand regrets.

I can't get the picture of his face out of my mind, the look of overwhelming sadness and understanding in his eyes as his lips left mine. He let go with no questions asked. He nodded in agreement.

_We can't do this._

Then why do I want to run to the window, fling it open, and beg for him to come back?

My throat is parched and raw from the force of my cries. My stuttered breaths. I stand upright and wipe my eyes so I can find the numbers to dial Jasper's cell. There's no way I can call Alice like this.

"Hey, Juh-Jazz?" I stammer between muffled sniveling.

"Bell??"

"...Uh huh..." I barely eke it out as another wave of sadness hits me. Edward and I have never even spoken on the phone. I'll never know what that soothing voice sounds like from the other end of a phone line. Suddenly it's worth everything to me to hear his voice again.

Jasper's tone is growing in agitation. "Where are you? What's wrong?"

"I'm h-home. You...wanna...come over... and...talk to me?"

"I'm getting off my shift now. I'll be right over. Did something happen?? Did Jake show up again? You know what I told you to do if..."

"No. Not him. Different boy. Different pain. Same need for chocolate ice cream though. Pick up a couple pints on your way over?"

**

I managed to crawl to the bedroom and change into gray checkered cotton pajama bottoms and a Joy Division t-shirt before hitting the button on the stereo and slumping back on the bathroom floor.

I'm still there when Jazz arrives. He pushes the door into my head and drops to his knees to rub where it hit. He smells like food.

"Bell-bunny, what happened?"

"Nothing," I sniff.

"Uh, okayyy, so why are you huddled in a ball on the bathroom floor – which needs to be scrubbed by the way – listening to Badly Drawn Boy?"

As we speak "Camping Next to Water" is wafting emo-ly out of my small, but powerful surround sound speakers.

_But there's no use in feeling_

_All the things I'm feeling_

_  
There's no one here to feel with me_

A groovy sound system is a must. Another worthy investment that my broke-ass doesn't regret.

"I just saw you this morning and you were fine."

"No I wasn't."

"You looked fine to me."

"Yeah…that was before_ he_ came back."

"Before _who_ came back?"

I slide my legs underneath me and fold into a sitting position. I run my fingers through the knots in my hair.

"Really? I'm shocked Alice hasn't told you. I met someone yesterday…a guy."

"Christ I leave you alone for two seconds and you get a boyfriend."

"Ha. Yeah. Someone else's." I cross my arms at my chest and rock.

"Huh?"

"It's…forget it. We ran into each other yesterday, ran _over_ me is more like it, and then he came back today and hung out at the club for hours and walked me home and one thing led to another on the stoop aaaaand…"

Uggggh my head is starting to hurt. I want his phone number so I can call and hang up before he answers like I used to do when I liked a boy when I was 14.

"What's this dickhead's name?"

"Edward Cullen. And he's not a dickhead. He's tall and smart and hot, fuck OFF he's hot. And for a second I thought he might actually like me. But he has a girlfriend."

"WHAT?" Now he really sounded like Alice.

"Yes I know. He's a pig. Now gimme the fucking ice cream so I can drown my sorrows and move on."

Thirty minutes later after every last spoonful is gone and my stomach is aching from the chocolate overload, Jazz starts to nod off on my couch swallowed by the array of multi-colored pillows that cover it. He was probably put to sleep from my non-stop agonizingly detailed description of the way Edward's shirt clings to his back and hangs down the muscled line of his spine.

I put a pillow under his head and spread a blanket over him on the couch. I get one of each for myself and put a pot of coffee on. Then I grab my notebook off the kitchen table and sit on the floor by Jazz's feet to write until the sun comes up.

**JPOV**

_Oh baby, why I am worried now?_

_Did someone make a fool of me? Before I could show them how it's done?_

_I can't give up acting tough_

_It's all I'm made of_

_Can't scrape together quite enough_

_To ride the bus to the outskirts of the fact that I need love_

She's lightly breathing when I wake up, which means she has fallen asleep an hour ago at the most. I look at the clock. 6:56am. My lunch shift at the restaurant starts at 11am and I desperately need to get home for a shower and a shave.

Her cheek rests on the left-hand page of her open notebook. I feel bad reading over her shoulder but I can't help it. It's the only time I get a true glimpse into her head, into what's going on inside that fascinating mind of hers. There are pages scattered at her feet scrawled in her windy handwriting. I don't pick them up because I don't want her to know I've read them.

I've always been overly protective of her. It started the first day we met.

**

I was dropping my mother off at the Port Authority Bus Terminal after her bi-monthly week-long visit/imposition when I saw the most pitiful quivering lump of sad girl curled up on one of the curbside benches near the ticket plaza and information booth.

She looked asleep but when I bent over I looked directly into her wide brown eyes, blinking but not seeing.

"Are you alright, miss? Do you need a doctor?"

Three glasses of ice water and about ten cups of Seattle's Best from the vending cart later, I convinced her I wasn't with the group of assholes that knocked her down and that I wasn't going to rob her. I was one of the good guys and I'd help her find her friend Alice.

Three train connections later, she was in the proud possession of this wondrous creature called Alice and I had two new girls in my life in less than two hours.

At a party three weeks later, she'd meet Jacob Black and it would take me months to forgive myself for letting that happen.

**

I quietly let myself out and lock the door behind me. I know better than to attempt to move her.

**EPOV**

Her last words to me were…_don't come back_. But her eyes betrayed her. I can still see the desperation they held; daggers drilling into me with a hunger, a breathless longing that said it all. I _want you to come inside_. She knew I had a girlfriend and yet she still wanted me. She's known me two days and she was the one who willingly shoved her glorious tongue down my throat, who moaned into my mouth first, who tugged at my belt loops and pressed her pelvis into the erection that she knew would be there.

And then she pushed me away. Any other asshole out for a fuck would have called her a cock-tease, but I respected her for it and hated myself.

So I left, just like she asked. And I would stay away, just like she asked.

Which is why instead of being at the Bowery's Open Mic Night fullfilling my end of our bargain, I am accompanying Victoria to the Waldorf-Astoria for some kind of celebratory soiree to congratulate her company landing a new account or some bullshit. Victoria prepped me on the details the cab ride over after she had dressed me in acceptable clothes. The black dress pants she bought fit perfectly and hung down my legs to land exactly at the top of my shiny Kenneth Cole dress shoes. A new black leather belt, a starched and pressed white fitted dress shirt and black fitted blazer. I cleaned up pretty damn well and had just enough stubble to know that it was the right amount to drive the stuck up bitches wild.

"We've been in a bidding war with other agencies for months competing for this business. Our team put together the best plan and presented it to the client and they loved it! They went with us hands down. It's going to mean a lot of late nights at the office to fulfill on all the promises we made them but oooh its going to be so great for our company, Edward. _And_ for my career."

I stopped listening after "bidding war". It was more interesting to look out the cab window at the city lights rushing by and the tremendous skyscrapers disappearing into the black abyss of night.

"I heard Gary from legal say they could use an assistant to help with all the busy work that comes along with landing such a high-profile account. We'll probably be getting sued every other day. It could be a great stepping for you so I gave them your name, told them you'll be attending either Columbia or Pace, if you want to pursue environmental law which in this day and age could be a gold mine in terms of the number of cases, then Pace..."

I'm going to fall into a fucking coma before I've had my first glass of champagne if she keeps going on like this. She and my father may want things to go back to the way they were when I was a teenager and didn't care that she had the upper hand as long as I was getting laid and not having to commit to her or anyone else, yes'ing her and my father to death so I could get drunk in peace. But I'm not 17 anymore and my patience with this shit is getting thinner and thinner.

I want to dive out of this cab head first and run the thirty blocks back to the apartment. I want to change into something worn and wrinkled that hasn't been washed in days, grab my guitar and find Bella.

"Are you comfortable in that?" I ask without emotion, finally looking at her. Victoria's dress looks like it's made of a boa constrictor swallowing her alive.

"I got it at the Prada sample sale. Invite only. No one else will have it."

"But is it _comfortable_?"

"It doesn't have to be comfortable."

**BPOV**

I don't normally drink behind the bar, especially during Friday Night Open Mic. It's too busy and I don't like making mistakes, but I need it tonight so I'm going one for one on the shots of Kettle One with Donovan and some overly-flirtatious and already drunk NYU co-ed.

"Take it easy, B. That's four and you're tiny."

I smile and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand before pouring two Sierra Nevada's for a customer.

I'm glad I'm getting a good buzz on because as the clock approaches 10pm I know I only have a short time left to live. Jasper just arrived and is tuning up for his set. He gives me a thumbs up and I force a smile. Every time Emmett rounds the corner I stand between his line of sight so he can't see Jasper in the corner.

Too late.

"What's blondie doing here? It's not country night is it?"

"No idea. 'Nother shot of Jager, Em?" He's already looking at me cross eyed. I've been trying to get him drunk all night.

"For your birthday. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll throw some cash in the till to cover it."

If Em keeps it up, he has a sweet spot for Jager, he won't even notice when Jazz takes the stage. Donovan works Friday night's with me and after a few more shots, Em will be craving a joint that D will happily provide, and they'll disappear out the back door of the club indefinitely.

Right now there was a not-good beatboxer on stage and Alice and I are taking turns rolling our eyes and giggling into our shoulders at the lame-ass rhymes he's coming up with. We clap and hoot and holler from behind the bar. I'm pretending to have a good time but every time the front door opens my eyes dart in hope that it could be Edward.

I don't know why I expect him to show after what happened last night and the way I talked to him. The look of disappointment in his eyes – not because I wasn't going to have sex with him, but because I was stopping any chance of _anything _happening before it started.

"Hey."

"Hey! The human beat-box is hysterical," I say cheerfully.

"Stop faking it."

"Faking what?" I make change for the Jack and Coke and Alice's hand grabs my wrist.

"Why didn't you tell me? And don't say _tell you what_. You know what I mean."

_Jasper._ I should have known he'd spill my breakdown to Alice. It was too good of a gossip nugget for him not to use as a conversation piece with his wannabe lady-love. Gross.

"Because I know you don't want me to see him and I didn't want you to get pissed."

"He's got a girlfriend, Bella!"

"See what I mean?! Did you think I _forgot_ that or something? I said I wasn't going to see him again, alright!??? FUCK!!"

I grab the bottle of Kettle One out of D's hand and over-fill a shot glass and glug it down. Some of it rolls down my chin and neck and between my breasts and the creep at the end of the bar claps in appreciation. I smirk, wiping my hand down the front of my tight plain white tee.

I know Alice is only trying to protect me, just like Jazz does. I was a pretty big mess after I broke things off with Jake and he turned crazy, but this was starting to get ridiculous. I was finally interested in a guy again, and yeah, it was a fucked up situation, but HELLO welcome to my life.

I hear an Alice-sized sigh as Jazz starts to strum. She looks at me with a crinkled brow.

"Fine. I'll cover for you. Go find him. 91st and 1st, remember?"

As if I could forget.

**

The cab ride is positively excruciating. Traffic is a bitch and a half. It's beginning to drizzle for the first time in six weeks and the AC in the cab is blowing so cold that my skin feels covered in a sheet of ice. We arrive at the crosswalk and I tell the driver to pull over. You'd think the rain would cool off the suffocating heat, but no. The drops are hanging in the air sticking to everything and making it hard to breathe. Or maybe that's just the clamping in my chest as I hand the driver a few bills and he takes off into traffic.

What the fuck am I doing here? What do I expect to happen? Am I going to stand in front of his building like John Cusack in "Say Anything" holding a boom box over my head?

I can't change what I said to him last night or the fact that I meant it at the time. Nor can I change the reality that I pushed him away and sent him back into the arms of his girlfriend.

Now that I'm here, standing on the street corner of his block, I feel the space around me containing particles of him. Like the air his body pushed through as he walked by kept molecules of his scent and soul behind just for me. He's been here but I don't know where to start and the rain is starting to fall harder.

I check my watch. It's 12:45am.

My eyes narrow as each passing car throws multi-colored lights across the dampening pavement. I cross the crowded street, searching, scanning the blurry faces looking for the one I recognize. They rush past me. I'm in their way. They know where they're going and I'm lost. This was a bad idea.

And it's going to get worse.

A black livery cab pulls up next to me and the door opens into my leg. I jump back into the shadows of a building as the passengers exit.

My skin prickles as she steps out. Tall, statuesque, perfect breasts, perfect dress, long hair flowing brilliant red down her back. Even in the dark I can see it's luster.

I'm a street rat in comparison. Mousy brown hair tangled and pulled back in a stringy ponytail. Pale, short and plain. Unexciting and inferior in high-top black Converse and torn zebra-stripped knee highs.

I suck in my breath and hold it until I see him emerge. He steps out behind her and the tears are instantly streaming down my cheeks, intermingling with the rain drops. I want to cry out. He shuts the door and puts his hand on the small of her back to support her as they walk into the building. He's steadying her so she doesn't slip but he's not smiling. The rain drops fall willingly into his unkempt hair and sparkle like diamonds on each thick strand. He's dapper and distinguished and I'm filled with pride for having known him for those few short hours. To be the one on his warm arm will remain a dream.

He nods to the doorman like a true gentleman and holds the door open for her to pass through.

I'm standing too close and he sees me through the glass. His eyes widen with shock and recognition. He knows me this way.

"Bella?" I see his mouth move and his voice echoes in the vestibule. She hears it too and she turns.

He doesn't hesitate. He opens the door and is back out in the rain walking towards me, stepping in puddles in his fancy shoes. He reaches me with a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know. I had to see you again." He's standing too close. I can't think. There's a droplet of water running down the side of his nose towards his mouth. The back of my white shirt is soaked from the rain pouring off the awning.

There's concern in his large green eyes. They're flittering back and forth across mine and I want to grab onto him and cling to his strong back for dear life.

"I'm glad you did. Really glad. You have no idea how glad..." his hands have found my wrists and are gripping them roughly.

"Edward?! Are you coming? My father is waiting inside." her sharp voice calls out through the crack in the door and her face is frowning and squinting to see where he went.

He looks back at her and nods, letting go of me.

She wins. She gets him tonight.

He leans in quickly and whispers into my face before backing up. "Sometimes I go to the park by your house."

I inhale his musty smell and lick my lips. I knew I saw him there that day among the crowd.

"You do?" I say breathlessly.

He's reached the door. His hand is on the handle but his eyes haven't left mine and his smile is intoxicating as it spreads across his beautiful face.

"Uh huh."

--------------------------------------


	8. Chapter 8

**I've updated all the links to the songs in the last chapters so they are actual click-through links. Now all you have to do is CLICK on the links in my profile to listen to the awesomeness!! ^_^**

**I want to thank everyone for favoriting and reviewing. Please review more!! I know I haven't responded much but I am shy and don't know what to say. But I am totally listening and paying attention :) Like Bella :blush:  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

"Who was that?" Victoria asks with an air of self-righteous curiosity as we head through the lobby to the elevator bank. The AC in the building is cranked to the max and with the rain having slightly soaked us in our elegant evening wear, I feel a chill coming on. I put my hand on V's shoulder to show what little affection I'm capable of towards her at the moment. It's the polite thing to do.

"Hmm?" I reply, sounding like a disinterested space cadet. I don't want to answer the question so I play with the ends of her hair in a desperate attempt at distraction.

"That girl that you were talking to just now. Do you know her?" She smashes the 'up' arrow with her index finger.

"Sorta. She works at a bar downtown."

"Oh. ...I thought she was homeless."

"Why? Because she wasn't dressed like us?"

"Oh please, Edward. Don't start. You don't find it odd that some strange girl was waiting in the rain outside our building?"

As usual, Victoria has no idea how I feel about anything. If she took even a half second in the five years I've known her to step outside herself and genuinely give a fuck about another human being that's unlike her, we'd be a very different couple right now.

There's no need for me to struggle for an answer, however, because her phone goes off in her purse and I've never been happier to hear that obnoxious bad 80's dance ringtone. It will give me a few moments of peace while V attends to whatever pressing business it is this time.

"Hi daddy!! Yes we're on our way up now. ...I knoooooow. You haven't been waiting long, have you?"

"Your father has a key to your apartment??" Ugh this is getting more sickening by the second.

"...I can't wait to see youuuuu!! Either can Edward."

"Yes I can," I mumble, rolling my eyes. She didn't even tell me her father was coming until after her third Cosmo. It's 1am and my buzz is reeeeally weak. The last thing I want to do is deal with Vicky's fucking pain in the ass father.

She elbows me in my upper arm as we get in the elevator and hits the button for the 35th floor.

"How long is he staying and at what hotel? Cuz he sure as shit isn't staying with us."

"He has business at his Manhattan office this week, conferences and such."

"Yes yes he's a very important man." She ignores my sarcasm. So annoying.

"He'll be in town for awhile before he leaves for Paris and he's staying at the W near Columbus Circle. OK? Be nice, Edward. Please?" She's squirmy and nervous as the elevator dings and we stride down the hall towards the door. She should be because I'm growing more irritable by the second. Irritable because I'm not drunk enough, irritable because her father's a cock and a lawyer AND best friends with my dad, and irritable because I have no idea whether or not I'll ever see Bella again.

"Your father's a pompous, self-righteous, egotistical old prick, darling. This is nothing new. That's why he and my dick-ass douche of a dad are best friends forever."

"Stoppit, Ed. Fake it. I don't care. Just don't start with him tonight. I can't deal with you two fighting again."

I hate it when she shortens my name or adds Y at the end. I know I chop her name up six ways to Sunday every chance I get but whatever. I still hate it.

"Alastair, old bean," I crow, pushing the heavy black door open and announcing my entrance grandly. The tall, stoic white-haired gentleman is standing in front of the floor to ceiling window overlooking the East River sipping a drink and sharply dressed in one of any number of expensive tailor-made suits the minted fuck owns. This one is navy pin-striped. Bastard.

"Helping yourself to the fully-stocked bar, I see? Glad you're already making yourself at home." I make my way to said bar and help myself to whatever's left in the shaker.

"I stock it, don't I? Therefore I can help myself to anything I like."

I smirk and raise my glass in agreement.

"Daddyyyyy!!!" Victoria's voice peels through the apartment as she throws herself into her fathers arms. He hugs her like an old perv and looks at me through her hair.

"So Edward. When are you planning on making my daughter an honest woman?" V squirms out of his embrace and begs him to stop with her eyes.

"Oh is that what she wants to be?"

"Isn't that what every woman wants to be?"

"Dunno," I burp rudely. "I guess the fact that we've been able to fuck whoever we've wanted throughout the course of our entire relationship has made the term "honest" seem pretty fucking hilarious."

"Did you see that I put up all the pictures you sent me, daddy? Look, here they are." Vicky points at the boring, pointless photos she has lined along the walls. Black and white splotched bullshit in tacky over-priced designer frames. I hate them.

"...That was _her _idea, btw. The random sex stuff."

"Enough, Edward," Victoria scolds, pushing me into the bedroom.

"Nice to see you haven't changed. Your father must be so proud," the old cunt calls after us. I lean against the door frame and loosen my tie while I watch him sip his martini.

"Quite the opposite you'll be happy to know. Cullen Sr. has cut off my credit and frozen my accounts. So I'll be living off Vick til, y'know, whenever."

"What? Are you serious? Edward? What happened?" Vick looks like someone just told her she couldn't have that cute chocolate Lab puppy.

"I'd rather not re-hash the touching father-son phone conversation but basically, I told him to go fuck himself and he told me I was worthless. Y'know, the usual."

In reality it went something like...

"_Consider your assets frozen, Edward. Don't try to use the Platinum Visa or withdraw from your accounts. Not until you man up."_

"_Which means fucking what, exactly?"_

"_Get a job or go to college. And if you can't do either of those things then do right by Victoria."_

"_I see. If I can't make my own money I should just marry it. Brilliant, dad. That's fucking ace."_

**

_Two weeks later_

"Hey Andrea. It's hotter than balls today." I drop my messenger bag onto the pavement and slide into the uncomfortable iron chair situated in front of the stone table with the chess board carved into its surface. The pieces are already set up. Andrea has probably been waiting for me for hours. She won't sit at any table except this one and lives in a constant state of paranoia that the second she's not paying attention to it, it will disappear.

She's wearing the same outfit that she's worn every day since I met her two weeks ago to the day. The day after Bella's visit and the horrific encounter with Victoria's starched and pressed father, to be exact. A faded and cracked Britney Spears concert tee two sizes too big, men's stonewashed Levi's and a pair of Keds that were once white.

The last two weeks have been...stressful, to put it mildly. After the My Two Dad's debacle, I slept on the couch for a few days until I was allowed back into bed and i finally resigned myself to finding a job and going on the school interviews that my father arranged. I already had a second interview with the dean at NYU School of Law and Fordham had accepted my application. I needed to make a decision soon though. The last day to register was in less than a week for both. No one can procrastinate like me.

And in between those hideous activities, I've come to this park every single day. The park across the street from Bella's apartment. The one where I told her I'd be waiting. That's where I met Andrea. The first time I saw her she was playing a tense game of chess with her friend Malcolm. They were cursing each other after every move, yelling even, calling each other offensively playful names as they hit the timer. I watched them in awe from the next table over. It was fascinating. They weren't wearing shoes but they knew how to play a game that stretched your brain to the limit of its capabilities. The critical thinking necessary to deduce plays and strategies, the control and patience and the capacity to make instantaneous thought-out decisions under extreme pressure. It was an intoxicating game. A game I used to play with my father.

Apparently Andrea and Malcolm had been playing for hours that day until it got dark and they couldn't see the board in front of them. I had been wandering aimlessly for those same hours, hoping I'd run into Bella.

"No Malcolm today?" I sigh and take a swig from my water bottle.

"He's dead."

"No he's not. He's over there at the other end of the park."

"Hmmmpf. Then I _wish_ he was."

"No you don't. It's because he's playing with Angel again, isn't it? Jealous?"

Andrea is my mother's age in reality although years on the street have taken their toll on what I'm sure was once a very pretty face. All that's left are her light blue eyes and naturally long lashes that she bats whenever she's embarrassed or impatient.

You learn a lot about a person after sitting with them for hours on end. She eats and sleeps at the mission and the rest of the day she's here, playing chess.

"Don't you have job interview to go to?" she grumbles.

"Nope. I'm probably going to take that position at Victoria's office." Office bitch in the legal department here I come.

"Sellout."

"Hey shut up."

"You are. You don't want to work there. You told me that yourself. … It's your move."

I sigh and pick up my pawn. She narrows her eyes and settles into position and I know she's in the zone. We play in silence for the next hour until I hear her stomach start to rumble. It must be near lunchtime. I rustle through my bag and pull out a PB&J sandwich and hand it to her across the table.

"Strawberry this time, not grape. Jam, not jelly." She snatches it and unwraps the foil in her lap.

"Here, take this too." I hand her my copy of Murakami's "Kafka on the Shore".

"What's this?"

"You said you wanted to know what I was reading. Here it is. I just finished it the other day. Now you can read it. Thanks for lending me that copy of 'Leaves of Grass'. That looks like some serious shit."

"I found it in the trash." She grins. "I like your shirt," she says, chewing with her mouth open.

"You do?" I look down at myself. "It's just a gray t-shirt. Yours is nicer. Britney's hot."

She grins and shrugs. "You're hotter."

"Stop hitting on me, Andrea," I joke. At least three times a day she tries to get into my pants. It's really cute actually. At least someone wants me.

"Can't help it. All the girls at the shelter want you. They're always grilling me about you every night when I get back. _What's it like playing with Edward? Is he nice? Is he smart? What did he say today? I bet he's great in bed. His body's insane. You're so lucky_."

"Alright, alright, I get it. No offense but they're not who I'm looking for."

She's quiet, ruminating on what I just said. "How long has it been since you've seen her?"

"A little over two weeks."

"She's going to forget you."

"Andrea!" She's right but it hurts to hear the truth. It hurts like a knife plunged through the center of my chest.

"I told her I'd be here but she hasn't come. Not once in two weeks, and I've been here every day. ...Then again, she works and I'm an unemployed loser."

"True."

"...Maybe she decided she made a mistake. Why would she want to waste her time on me..."

"That's true too."

"Thanks a lot."

"Oh stop. She'd be crazy not to want you. She went to see you, didn't she? You're probably just missing each other. Bad timing and all. What about the deal you made? Music for poetry."

"I'm sure that deal is off," I mumble. It was something I was so excited about, too. Scared shitless but excited as shit at the fact that Bella agreed to fucking perform for me. And all I had to do was get up there and sing one of my stupid songs.

"Play something."

"Ugh, Andrea. Not again." Every day we go through this. I've played just about every song I've ever written for her and to be honest I'd rather just play chess. Playing music is too raw, too personal. It's not something I'm able to share anymore. Unless it's with the right person. My words and thoughts and feelings and the music I've set them too is something I want _her_ to hear.

"Just do it you little pussy boy."

"Oh my god I can't even believe I deal with you." I reach behind me and grab the case that's been attached to my back like a newborn baby to its mother. I undo the clasps and take out my guitar, flinging the strap over my shoulder and strumming her to life.

"Ok. Another new one. You're really lucky, y'know. I could be charging you for this."

"Edward, I kick your ass at chess every fucking day. You wanna add up what you'd owe me? What you should be charging me for is the privilege of sitting here all day and looking at your fine ass."

I roll my eyes and start playing. "Whatever. This one is called Wash Away."

_I got troubles oh, but not today  
Cause they're gonna wash away  
They're gonna wash away_

_And I have sins Lord, but not today  
Cause they're gonna wash away  
They're gonna wash away_

_And I had friends oh, but not today  
Cause they're done washed away  
They're done washed away_

_And oh, I've been cryin'  
No, no more cryin' here_

I strum the last note and exhale. It's the first time I've played that song anywhere other than in V's bathroom.

"Edward."

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot,"

"Why? You didn't like it?"

"It was absolutely gorgeous. And you shouldn't be playing it for me. You should be playing it _for_ _her_."

She crumples the tin foil and looks down at the board shaking her head. Her frizzy light brown curls held back by a bandanna.

"Pondering your next move?" I ask smarmily. "I think I gotcha good this time."

"You can't reason a man out of a position he has not reasoned himself into."

"...Huh?"

"It's Oscar Wilde, you idiot."

**BPOV**

_Open Up and Come Inside_

I scrawl it in pink chalk in big bubble letters across the face of the blackboard and take a step back to admire my handiwork. It's a good phrase for a Friday night if I do say so myself. It's been difficult to come up with ideas the past couple weeks, ever since Edward stopped coming by. Unfortunately, Edward's desired presence had been replaced by an unwelcome one.

Jacob.

He was waiting for me in front of the club again today when I arrived. Dressed all in black, as usual. Hair pulled back tightly into a long ponytail. His bulging biceps screaming to be freed from his constrictive tee. I stop in my tracks and clutch my bag for security.

"What are you doing here, Jake? You know you're not supposed to come here anymore. If Emmett sees you."

My stomach recoils at the memory of Emmett escorting Jacob out of the club with one hand and dialing the police with the other as Jake screamed over Em's shoulder. _We belong together Bella! You know we do!! I'll show you!!_

He must see the pain in my face because he closes in on me and looks at me with those soft chocolate brown eyes that at one time I could have lost myself in. That was before I realized that soft and soothing Jacob could become jealous, possessive, controlling and violent Jacob at the drop of a hat.

"It's the only way I can see you, Bella. You moved and didn't tell me. You don't answer my calls and I know you haven't gotten your cell number changed because the same message picks up every time I call. _It's B, leave a message if you want. _You're making me crazy._"_

"I'm not _making_ you do anything, Jake. This is the same argument we had for months before we broke up. You blame me for _everything_. You don't take any responsibility for your behavior. I am not the problem, Jake."

He cocks his head to the side and analyzes my face." You took your eyebrow ring out."

"Uh, yeah."

He smiles, baring his blinding white teeth.

"Didn't we have great times together, Bella?"

"Yeah, Jake, we did but..."

"Then why are you being such a _bitch_?! Why don't you return my phone calls?!!"

"I told you. I just don't see us like that anymore. I don't want to be with you."

"You're fucking Emmett, aren't you?! I fucking knew it. ...Is that a new tattoo??" He points at the black writing poking out and wrapping over my shoulder.

"Did Jasper tell you to do that? You're fucking him, too, huh?! You slut!"

I laugh in his face, which I know is dangerous, but this is absurd already. "Are you serious? You're fucking crazy! I mean it, man. You're delusional."

"I am, huh? We'll see about that." And there they are. Those black eyes. Hard, cold marble. That's how they get when he's angry, when he balls his hands into fists and his shoulders bristle as the rage boils under the surface. It used to scare me, the transformation. I cowered and hid and cried and begged, but now it just makes me sad when I see it happening to him. He was my friend. Now he's a stranger. And sometimes, he's a monster.

"What are you doing here, _Black_?" Emmett rounds the corner and picks up the pace until he's safely at my side. Emmett towers over me but he and Jacob are almost evenly matched.

"It's public property, _Em_. You don't own the fucking sidewalk." Jacob's jaw locks and I can see the muscles flexing in his cheeks.

"Get inside, Bella." Emmett orders, the veins in his neck swelling and pulsing. I do as I'm told and lock the door behind me.

**

"Bella?"

I hear Alice's voice getting louder and closer as she makes her way down the brick corridor to the storage room where I've been stacking and obsessively rearranging the shipment since it came in.

"Back here!" I yell. She rounds the corner and skids to a stop in the doorway.

"There you are. What are you doing back here anyway?" Her light blue babydoll dress sways at her knees. How she found matching ballet slippers in the exact same shade is beyond me.

"Give me a hand with this case will ya?" I use the sole of my Chuck to push a cardboard box packed with cases of imported beer into a spot against the grimy wall where it took me almost an hour to make room for it.

"Donovan just dumped them here and knowing me I'll be tripping over them all night once it gets busy."

Alice is making no move to help me. She's just standing there subtly bouncing in place.

"Are you going to help me or not? You won't tarnish, I promise."

"...Edward's out there."

The hair on the back of my neck stands up instantly and my arms flood with goosebumps. I wish I could see more than just the outline of her face backlit by the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. Yet somehow, even in the worst lighting Alice still looks positively angelic. I'm sweating and feel mildew growing on me. My hair is down and pushed back with a thin plastic headband. I'm wearing my favorite black cotton skirt from H&M and my Breeders tank.

My mouth is a desert but I manage to compose and deliver two complete words.

"Out…where?"

Alice shoots her thumb over her shoulder.

"He's sitting at the bar talking to Jasper."

"_What_? Are you…? For how long?"

"Almost an hour."

"An hour?! And you're just coming back here to tell me this _now_??!!"

"Excuse me, miss thing, I'm not your personal messenger. I've only been out there since three o'clock all by myself. If you were paying attention you'd know that D and Emmett decided to go meet their man at the corner to stock up on their pot supply and they're still not back."

"What does he want? How does he look? Did he ask for me? What's he talking to Jasper about?"

"Are you kidding? Why don't you just go out there and find out for yourself? You're going to have to come out of here eventually."

She turns on her heel and flutters out of sight, leaving me to stress and panic solo.

----------

I stand in the shadows. One more step and I'll be at the edge of the bar and visible to Edward. Right now I can see him but he can't see me. And the view is so good that I don't want it compromised. Not just yet. My heart is racing at the sight of him. He's dressed up similarly to the way he was the last time I saw him but this time he's in dark jeans and a black Polo shirt with no blazer. He looks more comfortable than he did then. More casual. Still heartbreakingly beautiful. He's listening to one of Jasper's animated, partially-fabricated, completely exaggerated stories, probably of the time he was mugged at gunpoint on the Staten Island Ferry but somehow managed to turn the tables by means of one of his high-octane Kung Fu moves, grabbed the assailants gun, and kept him in a headlock until they docked and police arrived. Edward is laughing heartily, nodding as he pays attention and giving a "No fucking way" expression at the really good parts. It sends chills up my spine to see them getting along so well. If I didn't know what I knew about Edward, I could make myself believe that he was mine, that my friends were his friends, and that we were happy.

Finally I decide that it's time. Jazz has finished up and the first act of the evening is about to go onstage. I pretend like I don't know he's there and lift up the partition to let myself behind the bar and keep my head down.

"Hey Bella." His voice immediately calls out for me and I can see Jasper looking at him looking at me. I don't know why I thought it would be different. Maybe I hoped he'd sound like Sylvester Stallone and then it'd be one less thing he had in his arsenal of weapons to make me want him so badly. I can't ignore him though. I wouldn't and I don't want to. I look up and our eyes meet and I feel the smile spread across my face as I watch it spread across his. I walk over and grab on to the lip of the bartop.

"Hey Edward." I feel Jazz's eyes on me but it's the dazzling green of Edward's that I'm staring into.

"You never showed." He's still smiling but something in it has changed, there's a tinge of disappointment mixed with embarrassment.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Remember? When you came to my building a couple weeks ago?" I feel my face burn red, especially now that Jasper knows what I did. I never told him that I ditched out on work and spent $30 on a cab just to spend ten seconds in Edward's presence. It was too humiliating.

"Yeah. I remember."

"I told you that sometimes I go to the park by your house? Well, I, uh...I thought you'd get the drift that I wanted you to…I was hoping to run into you there. I know it's stupid and I have absolutely no right to have expected you to come, especially after I left you in the rain like that. That was unforgivable, by the way, I understand why you ignored me…"

Fuck it. Jasper and Alice, once Jasper inevitably tattles on me, can give me shit all they want. I'm not hiding anymore. I lean in and whisper in Edward's ear but loud enough so Jazz can hear.

"I'm not ignoring you, Edward."

"...You're not?"

"No. Quite the opposite actually. I've been going to the park every day. Walking in the opposite direction on my way to work just to see if I see you."

"You _do_? But…I don't understand. How come I've never seen you? I sit in the same spot for hours on end playing chess."

Wait, what? He plays _chess_??? Oh please fuck me.

"You play chess?"

He ignores my question, leaning in closer. "We must have missed each other so many times." There's a pointed silence between us as we exchange thoughts without words. Jasper must have had enough because he's down at the other end of the bar with Alice, talking swoonily and watching the first act, a local band, set up their gear. Edward finally breaks the trance as I realize I have customers. Thank god Emmett's not back from his lame-ass drug deal to give me a hard time about goofing off behind the bar.

"Look…I know I'm a few weeks late. But…Can I still go on?"

It's only then that I see the guitar case on the stool next to him and I blurt out the first and most important thing that comes to my scattered mind.

"...I didn't think you were ever coming back."

**EPOV**

"I told you, I don't break my promises. You and I made a deal, remember? Anyways, we were at your apartment when you said that. And I'm not _there_, so _technically_…"

"Edward, I'm sorry for the way I acted that night. It was stupid and immature. It was just a kiss and I acted like it was more than that and then I go and show up at your place, which was totally inappropriate and psycho…"

"Hey, Hey, stoppit. Listen to me, Bella. It _was_ more than that to me."

"It was?"

"You silly girl. ...That night outside your building with your face glowing under the streetlights, the slight movement of the breeze through your hair, and the way you kissed me. I've thought about it every day."

She seems stunned by my admittance but I've never been sure of anything more in my life. Just looking at her standing here is making my heart ache. I want to pull her over the bar and hold her, stroke her hair, kiss her lips, and cradle her in my arms. The electricity buzzing between us is undeniable, stronger than that night on the sidewalk.

"I'm not supposed to be here, y'know. I'm supposed to be at a boring, lifeless cocktail party in the reception room of some shiny, metal high-rise."

More open-mouthed silence and wide eyes from that beautiful face.

"Does this mean you're leaving?" She bites her bottom lip, afraid of my answer.

"Eventually yes. But I'd like to perform first - before I lose my nerve. If that's alright with you, of course."

She stiffens and lunges for the clipboard. "Sure, lemme check…"

She chews on her lip ring nervously as her eyes scan the line-up and all i can do is recall the taste of her in my mouth. The soft, plushness of her lips against the hard metal.

"Ummm, we're free until midnight, then it's Justin Bond, he's amazing if you want to stay…umm, anyway, yes, we're free." She lets out a big sigh and smiles at me, dropping her arms to her sides.

"Great. I'll get set up and get started."

"Ok. The mic stand is over there. You can introduce yourself and then just start…um, what are you going to sing?"

"Something I wrote."

**BPOV**

He carries his guitar case to the stage and pulls the stool and mike stand to the center of the floor. He looks absolutely phenomenal up there and I feel a slight twinge of jealousy in my stomach as I watch the attention of everyone in the room turn to him. The women look at each other and then at him, then again at each other with lust-hooded eyes, and I can see them placing their bets on who's taking him home tonight.

I flip the switch under the bar that throws the small spotlight on him. He comes to life under the light – his hair blinds me with its bronze highlights and his skin is fucking flawless. He smiles at me through the brightness and unzips the case. He takes his acoustic out and sits on the stool, placing it on his lap and shielding his eyes from the light with his hand.

"Hey guys," he says into the mike, wincing at the feedback. There's instance hooting and wooing and owwing.

More pangs eat at my gut as he smiles at them and then looks across the room at me behind the bar with an embarrassed shrug.

"Um, Ok, so this is a song I wrote a couple of weeks ago after I spent an amazing day with an amazing person. This is for her. I hope she likes it. I hope you do too."

He clears his throat and shifts his weight on the stool as he tries to get comfortable. He takes a few practice strums and quickly tunes a few strings. It's agonizing. Finally he looks up and closes his eyes, he takes a deep breath and begins.

_Some movie star told you this ain't where it's at._

_So you packed your bags and one night you headed out_

_Said, these small town blues got you going insane_

_Gone into the city, gonna change your name_

_And you never look back at where you came_

_Swore you're never gonna be the same  
_

_Do you miss me?_

Every fiber of my body is aching and reacting intensely to what I'm hearing and seeing before my eyes. My nerves are twisting and curling in on themselves. I'm positive there is blood streaming from my ears. His voice is otherworldly, the perfect compliment to his playing. It's all I can do to serve, to look away, to break my concentration for one moment.

_I bet you ain't got nothing left to learn_

_It's better that way cause you never get burned_

_  
and you try not to think about what might have been_

_cause you know this town is just sink or swim_

_Do you miss me?_

The last note echoes through the room and there is a brief moment of silence before the crowd erupts in applause. Edward seems stunned and modestly embarrassed by the attention and response but he nods in appreciation and smiles that gorgeous smile that makes me weak in the knees. He waves and grabs his guitar by the neck and walks off the makeshift stage towards me. He stands at he bar and shrugs as a line of women begins to form behind him.

"...That ok?" he asks genuinely, insinuating that somehow he was less than perfect. Is he seriously asking me if what he just did was OKAY??? This boy is too much for me. I hand the Guinness pour to Alice for her to finish and I make my way out from behind the bar to get closer to him.

His feet stay planted while he waits for me but I grab his wrist and pull him towards the kitchen.

"You wrote that?"

"...Yes. On the subway after you told me…" His brow creases and he doesn't finish the sentence and I'm glad. I don't want him to think about what I said that night.

"Edward," I interrupt. "I had no idea you could do that. Play that way, I mean. It was incredible. The words and the music…how did you know...?"

He smiles and takes my hands in his. They're soft and warm and tender from strumming. His eyes penetrate mine and the room is spinning around us.

"I don't know much about you," he whispers like it's a secret he doesn't want anyone else to know.

"I filled in the blanks and made the rest up." He puts his palm to my cheek and cups my jaw. I nuzzle into his touch.

"You didn't make up as much as you think," I say sincerely into his stunning face. "I _have_ missed you. So so much. I think about you every day."

A flash of desperate emotion crosses his face and his grip on me tightens.

"Look, Bella. I know I have no right to be here. You told me to stay away and I didn't listen. You have every right to punch me in the face. Tonight...I was getting ready to go this fucking uptight party and all I could do was think about how to get out of it so I could come down here and see you."

"I don't know what to say to that."

"I don't expect you to. I don't expect anything from you. I don't even know what I'm saying half the time or if any of it makes any sense. I know how my situation must look to you and all I can say, with complete certainty, is that I enjoy being around you more than anyone else I've ever met."

I blush and turn my head in his hand. "Are there more?"

"More what?"

"Songs like that?"

"Tons. This is the first one I've written in ages though. I guess it's the first time I've been inspired."

I have a question I have to ask him. It's as much as I can offer and as much as he can give, but I know it's something we both want.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe we can be friends?"

I purse my lips and bite the inside of my cheek as I prepare for his response. He's staring at me inquisitively, and then his arms wind around me, pulling me into his chest, his cheek is resting on the top of my head before he looses his grip and takes a deep breath. He places a soft kiss on my forehead and exhales, his breath warming my skin and he leaves his lips there so I can feel his mouth move as he says...

"Yes...I'd like that very much."

---------------

REVIEWS MAKE MY HEART SING LIKE EDWARD'S RETURN!!


	9. Chapter 9

**This is a follow up to Edward's Open Mic Night at the club. It takes place later that same night - - hehehe.  
**

**Please review kthxbye.**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

---------------------------------------------------------

**BPOV**

I had just hung up with my mother in Phoenix when I hear three loud raps on my front door. The Kit-Kat clock on my bedroom wall says 2:30am. I try not to panic at the thought that it could be Alice held at gunpoint by a finally off the deep end Jacob. My mind has a tendency to look on the dark side of things, especially this late at night with no warning. It was probably just Jasper, drunk again and wanting to talk about Alice, how pretty she smelled tonight, the way she flipped her hair, his carefully thought out assumption of what she looks like naked.

I shuffle out of my room in slipper socks, PJ bottoms with dice and dollar signs my mom got me the last time she and Phil went to Vegas with a matching Hard Eight baby tank, and cross the small width of my living room to the door. I unlock it, slide the chain and open it without looking.

"Come on in, Jazz. I'll put the kettle on..."

"I was hoping you'd be awake."

My heart leaps to my throat. Since when did Jasper's voice sound like butter and honey mixed with steamed sex? I pivot slowly towards the source. I drop my eyes to the floor and start from the bottom up in an attempt to delay reality. The black dress shoes, dark jeans cuffed at the bottom, untucked black polo with the flat stomach underneath, up and up, long neck, stubbled throat and chin, the perfect red lips and finally...the gemstone eyes

"Edward," I try not to sound elated to see him.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" His speech is slower than it was earlier in the evening, for reasons I can deduce on my own.

"Um, no, not, I don't sleep very much.

"Lucky me." He smiles. I feel faint. "….Are you going to invite me in?"

He looks over my shoulder into the apartment and I know he wants me to invite him in. I take a step back to give him some room to slip by me but he remains in his spot on the threshold.

He's swaying. His eyes are cloudy and unfocused. His grin is goofy and lopsided. The boy is TANKED. He should really sit down and have like 10 cups of coffee. But then he'd be in my apartment and my apartment is small. And Edward is BIG.

"I told you, Edward. Friends, remember?"

He hiccups and nods. "I remember. And I want you to know that I'm a very good friend, Bella. First off, I don't make people stand in the hallway when they come to visit me."

I smirk and wave him in. He walks past me and the waft of his scent washes over me. It's beer and cigarettes from the club and mint and cinnamon from wherever else he went after that. It's the oddest combination but it works. It's genuine, not from a bottle. His own personal potion. He smells like a still summer night spent laying in freshly mowed grass.

"Cute place," he muses, turning in a circle. "Is this it?"

"...Um, well, pretty much." I'm kicking myself for not straightening up. There's books stacked in a Stonehenge formation around the TV stand, the few vinyls that I've collected since I got here are strewn around the second-hand turntable that will work one of these days if it kills me and I haven't done the dishes today or taken out the trash.

I point behind him. "The bedroom is through there, the bathroom is behind that door, and, uh, you're standing in the rest. Nothing compared to what you're used to, I'm sure."

I'm not sure how much he's actually processing as he scans the walls cluttered with photos – some in frames some not – and posters – some in frames some not.

"I could get used to this," he mutters under his breath, but I know he wants me to hear him. "I prefer it this way. There's color and style and...substance." He lets out a deep sigh and pulls the chair away from the kitchen table. He sits down and rests his hands palm down in front of him, dangerously close to my marble notebook laying at his fingertips.

He hangs his chin to his chest and groans. "I don't feel so good."

"Where were you?" I scrape past him, fill up a glass of water under the tap and place it in front of him.

"Nowhere fun. Another boring cocktail party where I didn't know anyone. I made friends with the bartender though who kept hooking me up."

"Another bartender friend, huh?" I joke, swallowing a nugget of jealousy. This friendship thing is going to be tougher than I thought.

"Yeah. He was cute too." He rolls his eyes and winks at me.

"S'that you?" He points over my shoulder at a picture stuck to the fridge door - me as a chubby six-year old in a pink leotard and tutu, my hair pulled back into a tight braided bun. I go instantly crimson.

"Uh, yeeeeah, that's the most embarrassing picture ever. I took ballet lessons when I was a kid...obviously. I sucked royally and I hated it but my mom kept making me practice. She wanted a little princess so badly. Add that to the list of disappointments."

"She's not disappointed in you, is she? How could she be? She's got a smart, beautiful, talented daughter who's making her way in a big city. That's pretty impressive if you ask me. You could be a puppet on a string living the life someone else thinks you should have...like me."

He mumbles the last two words and I pull up a folding chair next to him and sit Indian-style. Our knees are touching under the table. I don't know if he's too drunk and on the verge of being sick to notice but I reach for my notebook and try to slide it away without him noticing.

"Is that it?"

Busted.

"Is that what?" I play dumb and try to think of a distraction. I could take my top off - hmmm.

"Is that what you _write_ in?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's worn and ripped and battered and has doodling and stray pen marks all over it. Unless it's your recipe book or book of spells and potions..."

I must have that deer in headlights look because he eases up and sits back in the chair putting his hands on his thighs.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'm not going to open it. I can see it makes you uncomfortable." He pushes it towards me and returns his hands to his lap. I grab it and slide it under my butt, sitting on it like a mother hen. Having it there eases me and my shoulders relax like I've just taken a shot. I pull a hair tie off my wrist with my teeth and pull my hair back messily. It's fucking hot in here.

"Damn," he sighs, putting his hands back on the table to fiddle with the glass of water.

I stare at him inquisitively. His perfect face looks pained, his smooth forehead lined with creases.

"What is it?" My hand instinctively reaches for his like it's being pulled in magnetically. The tips of our fingers touch and his upturned palm is about to close over mine. I pull away before it does and leave them at the edge of the table, blush swelling my cheeks. I've suddenly returned to the absurd behavior of a 7th grader.

"You drive me crazy, you know that?"

Um? Huh? "I do?"

"Yeah. You do. Big time." He leans closer, his hooded eyes dazzling me with their brilliance.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out. It's lame but it's the truth. No matter what, I never want to cause him pain. Any hurt I feel as a result of the situation is not his fault. He's been honest with me from the beginning. I tried to erase him and it didn't work, not even for a brief moment, so if this is the way I have to have him in my life, then so be it.

He tips his chair towards me until he's so close that his hot sweet breath fills my nostrils and the bridge of his nose grazes mine. He hesitates for a beat and takes a deep breath.

"You should be." And like that his lips are on mine. Plump and pulsing and my immediate thought is, I'm stone cold sober and he won't remember this in the morning.

I should stop him but I don't want to. He feels too good. His kiss is gentle and slow and I follow his movements, opening my mouth when I feel his tongue attempt to enter. He playfully sweeps his tongue across my teeth and nibbles on my top lip. Something about that innocent motion sends me over the edge and I'm shoving my fists into his hair, winding my arms around his neck and launching myself onto his lap. He welcomes me and adjusts himself in his chair to support my weight on him. I shove my tongue into his mouth and moan down his throat. His hands are going to the back of my tiny tank with the stupid red bow on the front and I freeze because I'm not wearing a bra. The thought is out of my head as quickly as it enters because his hands are on my hips pulling me against his stomach, his erection pulsing between my legs.

Minutes pass filled with kissing and touching, his hands running over the outline of my shape, tracing it over and over. I can't get enough of the feeling of his hair between my fingers. I can tell he likes it when I tug on it from the way he nuzzles into my arm like a cat.

"You're a really good kisser," he whispers, pulling away from me for a moment and licking his lips.

I quickly mutter "Thanks" and lean in for more, not happy that he pulled away from me for even the briefest of seconds.

He smiles into my mouth and resumes his delicate caresses. We're completely in sync. He turns his head to get a different angle and I follow instinctively. I open my mouth for his tongue and he gives it. His low moans of satisfaction are timed perfectly with my own.

My hands trail up and down his torso tracing the curves and lines of his chest and stomach muscles with my fingertips. I've been safely above his shirt for to long so I go for it and slip my hands underneath his green tee. A shock rocks through my body. His bare skin is electric, soft and sizzling hot under my touch. My hand grows accustomed to the warmth immediately and I run my palm over the fuzzy hair of his belly sloooowly following the direction of his treasure trail.

"You're asking for trouble," he groans, lifting his pelvis towards my touch. He moves his hands from my hips to my stomach, just below my belly button, and his thumbs start playing with the waistband of my pajama bottoms.

Without warning he's standing and I'm in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms clasped around his neck. I squeal and grip onto him, burying my face and giggling into his warm neck. He holds me under my ass and steadies himself on shaky legs. He carries me to the couch and lays me down. Pillows fall to the floor and he's over me, looking down at me, pondering what to do next. I feel vulnerable so I pull him down with an _Ooomph_ on top of me and hug him hard, rolling over to my side with him attached. I let him help me flip him over so I'm on top. He must think I'm crazy but it's the only way I can justify what we're doing- if _I'm_ in control, if _I'm_ the one taking advantage of him in his inebriated state.

I grind down onto his hardness and the pressure of my bone against the stiffness of his boner causes him to yelp unexpectedly. He squirms underneath me, not to get away but to continue the friction between our bodies. It's the single sexiest sound I have ever heard anyone make. I'm at his neck with my mouth and tongue, licking up and down and behind his ear. Each sensation elicits a sound from Edward, some long and throaty, others brief and chirpy.

"What are you _doing_ to me?" he finally moans breathlessly, almost angrily. I'm still straddling him on the couch; his hands are clutching my hipbones and moving my lower half across his in the most basic display of primal want. I wonder how close he is.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"God no. Are you crazy? I was just wondering when you were going to do more."

"Do you want me to?"

"_Bella_. Can't you see what you're doing to me?" he looks down at his crotch and the strain of material against the lust of his body inside.

"I_ know_ you can _feel_ that. I'm laying here at your mercy…I can't think straight…my mind is this mushy, perverted… _soup_…of dirty thoughts."

I laugh out loud at that and lean down to kiss him lazily, sucking on his bottom lip and outlining its perfect bow-shape with the tip of my studded tongue. He sighs contentedly into my mouth and closes his eyes.

"That shit in your mouth feels so fucking good."

I'm taking advantage of him and I know it. It's funny actually. Him being the one with the girlfriend, aren't I the one who's supposed to feel used?

I pull away and sit up straight, my palms pressed on his chest. His hands slide up my back and I feel him trying to pull me back down by the hem of my shirt. His has been pulled up to his chin since we got into this position, exposing his whole torso to me. His body is fucking beautiful. Toned and lean with just enough muscle stretched tightly underneath the skin and the sexiest trail of hair running from his belly button down into his pants. He's not overly hairy, just enough for me to run my fingers through as I drag my black and purple painted nails across his pecs.

"Don't stop," he breaths, his eyes still closed, his nose pointed to the ceiling.

I watch his strong chest rise and fall with each breath and I can hear his heart thudding in its cage. I haven't taken my hands away from his body since we got to the couch and he's not being inappropriate with me at all. He's touching me but just enough to drive me insane. He's not groping me. He's not fondling me. He's being gentlemanly about the whole thing when I know he doesn't want to be and it's starting to piss me off. I can feel his hardness digging into my upper thigh. He's throbbing with a need that's been there since the moment we met, but he's not doing anything about it. If this were any other guy I'd already be in the bathroom washing him off.

"You want me to keep going?" I flip the end of his belt through the loop and unhook the buckle with one swift motion of my hand. Like a fucking pro, thank you very much. His eyes fly open and his head bolts up.

"What are you doing?"

Like a kid caught with her hand in the candy jar I jerk my hand away from his fly. We stare at each other motionless and then, without breaking eye contact, I slowly undo the top button of his jeans and bring his zipper down.

"Are you going to let me touch you, Edward?"

He swallows forcefully, his eyes wide with panic, almost like he's never heard a girl ask him that question before.

He nods once and I'm out of the gate like Secretariat. I fan my fingers and drag them up his chest, leaving dark red trails in my wake. He hisses as he watches me leave my marks on him. I pull his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor. His hands are no longer waiting their turn – they're up the front of my shirt and it's my turn to hiss as he cups my breasts in his palms where they belong and fit perfectly. He thumbs over my soft nipples. They harden instantly and he squeezes them to make sure I know he noticed.

"God Bella I don't know..." he means he doesn't know about _me_, how _I_ will feel about what we're doing, but I mutter _I'm_ fine in his ear and keep going. I kiss him hungrily and when I try to pull away he latches on to my tongue ring and sucks on the metal.

"You're so fucking sexy, you know that?" he slurs, his eyes rolling back in his head as he continues to massage me, running his hands up and down my stomach from breasts to belly button, kneading my flesh, his own flesh growing harder and harder beneath the surface. I stick my tongue in his mouth and click the barbell against the underside of his front teeth for affect before pulling away again and shimmying down his body. He throws his head back against the arm of the couch and bellows frustratedly.

I manage to slide his jeans over his perfect ass and down his legs without him realizing what's happening. I leave them bunched at his ankles and I writhe my pelvis over his hardness like a snake. I love being on top of him like this.

I clamp down on him so his dick is between my legs and I can ride his length while we kiss. If we weren't currently separated by his thin boxers and my thinner bottoms he'd be one move to the left from being inside me. The thought alone makes me start riding him harder and he's no longer able to move his lips against mine. He's frozen and I know that means he's close.

I don't want him to finish this way, plus my right leg is starting to fall asleep, so I shift my weight off him and fit myself deeper inside the cage of his thighs.

"What's wrong?" he blurts desperately. "Why'd you stop?"

"I didn't stop." I give him a sly smile and dip my hand deep inside the heat of his boxers. The smell of his steamy sweetness escapes in a puff of fragrant air. I inhale and hum.

"I merely paused."

I wrap my fingers around his shaft.

"And readjusted."

I find a comfortable grip and begin working him from base to tip, firm strokes, gentle at first then becoming rougher and more aggressive.

"To completion. ...You like that?"

"Oh god, Bella. You – have- no – idea." He's groaning and writhing and clutching the sides of the couch cushions. I bring his cock out of his boxers and rub the pad of my thumb over the pre-cum on his tip. I want to devour the utter perfection that is this man's dick – seriously I've never seen anything sculpted this immaculately - but instead I lean way over until I'm just about parallel on top of him and with one swift motion I stick him up and under my shirt so the entire width and length of his swollen member is positioned between my breasts. He sucks in a gulp of air and holds on for dear life.

I rest my forehead on his bare chest to give me leverage while I rub him up and down through my cleavage once, twice, a third time until his hands are gripping my shoulders...warning me.

"It's alright, Edward," I whisper from my position. "You can come. Come for me, baby." I'm watching him through the top of my shirt, mezmorized by the sight of him dry fucking my tits.

"Bellaaaa...I..." he moans from deep down in his throat and I know I have to make a decision of watching him cum on me or of looking up and watching what his face looks like when he comes.

He's pulsing inside the warmth of my breasts and with a final jerk he tenses and explodes in a delicate geyser of milky white fluid. I watch it shoot up my chest to the dip in my collarbone and then dribble in fine lines back to where it came from, leaving delicate drawings in Edward's own flawless ink. I wait until he's gotten everything he deserves from his orgasm before pulling him out and returning him to his shorts. I flatten my shirt down and let it soak up the wetness.

Edward locks his arms under my armpits and lifts me up so our eyes are even.

"That..." he pants and I see the beads of sweat on his brow, damn I wish I had watched his cum face.

"That was...

"That was just...

"That was fucking amazing."

**

I wake a few times during the night to the sound of him puking his guts up in the bathroom. The retching sounds he's making sound so painful it breaks my heart to listen and not help, but I stay in bed because I don't want to embarrass him. The last thing you want is someone watching you while you chuck the contents of your stomach into a toilet bowl. Around 6am I get up and pad into the living room to check on him. He's still laying on the couch in the fetal position. He looks like a little boy wrapped up in my Linus blanket with his bare feet poking out the bottom. I tiptoe towards him. If he's anything like me, the slightest sound of rustling will have him bolting upright. But he's dead to the world, breathing hard through his mouth with the side of his face buried in the pillow.

I pour a glass of water and leave it on the old, wooden chest that serves as a coffee table and watch him for a few minutes before shuffling back to bed where I know I'll just stare at the ceiling counting the minutes until I can go out there again.

Around 8am I take a blanket and a book and sit in the rickety rocking chair I got on St. Marks and try to read by the light sifting in through the curtains. He hasn't moved an inch. He just continues breathing steadily, through his nose now. I notice the glass of water is half empty and the Linus blanket is piled on the floor.

"How ya doin?" I whisper around 10am, smoothing the wet strands of hair off his sweaty forehead. He's pale and clammy and fidgeting. He groans and curls his arms under the pillow, smooshing his face into it unhappily. He reeks of booze. It's emanating out of his pores and covering his skin in a thin transparent sheen of sick.

"What the hell happened last night?" he mumbles into the pillow. "Was I hit by a truck?"

"Ha. A whiskey-filled one maybe. What's the last thing you remember?"

I'm hoping his significant booze intake and resulting blackout will let me and my predatory actions off the hook. Because I pretty much date raped him on my couch for an hour.

"You were going to read me some of your poetry." He looks up and winks at me coyly.

"Now you're making things up." I reach forward to help him as he attempts to sit up.

"Yeah but it was worth a try. Wishful thinking I suppose. ...Thank you." he groans some more and takes the blanket I've handed him. He wraps it around his shoulders and shivers.

"...I did uphold _my_ end of the bargain though. I do remember that part of the evening."

"That's true. You did. And it was a beautiful song, Edward. You said that you...wrote it for me. Do you remember telling me that?"

"Ummmmm...Probably. Because it's true."

"I loved it."

"I'm glad."

That's it. I can't take it. I'm shit. A guilt-ridden piece of shit.

"You have such a good voice and...Oh God look...Edward...I, uh, I have a confession to make. Last night when you showed up here clearly tanked off your ass..."

He raises one hand to cut me off and covers his mouth with his other hand to stifle a watery, gutteral hangover burp.

"...About that. I'm really sorry that I came by unannounced and all fucked up like that. You shouldn't have let me in."

"No it's fine, really, "

"I just needed to see a friendly face. After I left the club last night I went to this awful dinner. Ugh it sucked so bad. I was late and I told by a member of my wack-ass party that I was under dressed. It got pretty tense after that so before I punched the pretentious fuck in his smug face it was recommended that I sit at the fancy bar and get properly shitfaced. Well, that part was my idea but you get it."

"So, speaking of...whatever...um, isn't _she_ going to wonder where you are?"

"There's no missed calls on my cell so I guess she's not that worried. She's probably so fucking pissed at me for how I acted in front of her shitty friends that she doesn't even care. When I left the restaurant in a stumbling, drunken stupor, I told her I was going to sleep in the park or something. I'll stick to that story. I'm sure I'll get an earful when I get back though."

"When are you going back?"

"When you kick me out." Another wink and crooked grin and I'm this close to sitting on his face.

"I don't think you're in any condition to go anywhere just yet. You're still looking kinda green."

"Yeah I think I need to puke some more. Can I take a shower? I smell as bad as I feel."

"Um, sure through there."

"Ya I know. I fell asleep in there for awhile. Nice tile. Very soothing to the cheek. ...Ok. Here I go. I'm going to stand up, walk to the bathroom, throw up, then shower."

I laugh heartily and he grins like a shy little boy...that reeks of vomit and sick. "Sounds like a plan. Let me know if you need anything."

"Oh I will."

**


	10. Chapter 10

**OMGYG!!! Thank you so much for the reviews and favoriting and such!! I'm totally hearing what you guys are saying and I'm really glad you are enjoying reading as much as I am enjoying writing!  
**

**OK so I know this has been a long-ass BPOV but I didn't want to skimp or rush through it (even though there was no full on sexiness yet). So this is the last bit of the BPOV before moving on - it's the finishing up of that night/next day. And then we'll be crawling back into Edward's pretty head.**

**Thank you again for the reviews - PLEASE MORE PLEASE :D  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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**BPOV**

Don't panic. There's no reason to start freaking the fuck out. The water's running steadily in the bathroom and has been for the past ten minutes. That's a completely normal occurrence when someone's in there taking a shower. Naked. Wet. With warm, soapy water sliding down their tight, chiseled body and…

I dive for the cordless and punch in Alice's home number.

A weak tired voice picks up the other end. "…._huhlo_?"

"Alice it's Bell can you talk?" I rush through the sentence like a freight train. Who knows how long of a shower this kid takes. I need every possible second for girltalk.

"…ughbella…" Even a grumpy, fuck-off groan sounds like a lullaby coming from Alice. I can hear her wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"It's…" a pause and rustling as her brain tries to figure out the time. "…ten-thirty. I got home five hours ago."

"I'm sorry, I just need to talk to you for a sec. I'll make it quick."

"…good." More rustling on her end and I launch right into it.

"Edward showed up at my apartment last night." Wait for it.

"So? Didn't you tell him you guys could be friends? And Bella, my god, his voice is amaaazing. I meant to tell you last night. Everyone was going crazy for him. Even Jasper says so. He really likes him by the way. He said so. In guyspeak, of course." More muffled noises and movement and mumbling. What the fuck is going on over there?

"…You should have heard the female vultures picking him apart after he left, discussing all the foul things they'd do to him. Especially that pig Tanya. She's gagging for it. It was gross but funny. He's hot."

"Well get in line cuz he's in my shower."

"Ha yeah right. I saw him leave," she yawns.

"Don't believe me? Let me put it to you this way…He showed up on my doorstep at 3am last night ten sheets to the wind. I then proceeded to take advantage of the situation like a fucking sex offender and NOW he's standing under the showerhead in my bathroom no doubt trying to figure out why his penis is sticky and repressing the overwhelming feelings of molestation he can't pinpoint the source of. Any minute now, those memories of how I violated him are going to surface and he's going to bolt out of here and never speak to me again."

"Bella!! You _fucked_ him??" It sounds even worse coming out of Alice's mouth. I'm truly ashamed.

"…Well, not exactly. Does dry humping your new _friend_ near to completion and then jerking him off between your bare tits count as fucking?"

"_BELLA_!! No fucking _WAY_!! You're lying!! Why did you do that!!?"

"Seriously? You've seen him, right? Yeah well it gets worse when he's sitting in your living room, ok, _drunk_ and being all Edwardy and you're me and it's been awhile since you've seen any kind of action, so you go from total drought to MONSOON in two fucking seconds and....Alice he's so fucking beautiful. I can't be expected to be responsible for my actions, can I?"

She lets out a looong breath and it sounds like she's put the phone down or muffled it against her chest because I can hear her talking to someone and it's not me.

"Alice? You there? …Al?"

"Hey yeah I'm here."

"Uh huh. And who's with you?" I say in an accusatory parent voice.

The awkward silence of an inmate caught scaling the prison wall fills the phone line.

"Hmm?"

"Don't avoid, Alice. You're avoiding. Answer the question. Someone's been sleeping in your bed." I drag out the syllable of the last word knowing full well that she is on the other end of the phone beet red and dying of embarrassment that I've caught her this way, the little sex-kitten. Which is awesome because it gets me off the hook a little, even thought what I did was shameful and what she did was a perfectly normal result of a drunken Friday night/Saturday morning

" - and I think it's great and all cuz at least _someone's_ getting some action of their own free will. But now I have to know, so spill it. Who'd you take home last night?"

More rustling, then the squeak of bedsprings, followed by the shuffling of feet against bare wood floor (how awesome is my hearing, huh?) and the closing of a door. Wait, I recognized that voice in the background!

"Hang on! Holy shit!! It's _Jasper, isn't it??" _I screech into the receiver. "Mary Alice Brandon you little _minx_!!"

I hear water running and I know she's in the bathroom with the faucet on. So why is she still whispering?

"Yes ok. Damn, Bella. You're right. You win a prize. Happy now? Don't go getting all smug and shit."

"Oh shut up, you know I've been dying for the two of you to cut the lovey-dovey doe-eyed crap and do the horizontal heyhowyadoin. How was it, huh? Was it sweet and romantic or an aggressive pent-up fuckfest? I need every detail."

"Ha! Not before you tell me what Edward's dick looks like."

"I think the person who's had a dick_ inside them_ in the last twelve hours should go first. Which means...hmmm...YOU. Now fucking SPILL IT. How'd he taste? Who came first and how many times?"

"Well let me just say that I was almost _gone_ before he even put the condom on. He's got the gift, Bella. A tongue like a Kimodo dragon and the fingers to match. I think I only needed three or four thrusts before I came like the freaking San Francisco earthquake." God damn I love angel/devil Alice.

Our girly sexscussion is cut short by the squeak of the tub faucet and the showerhead dripping and then becoming silent.

"Shit," I whisper to Alice.

"What?" she whispers back.

"He's done."

"Shit."

"I know. Now what?"

"I don't know. Look busy."

"Busy doing what?"

"Make breakfast or something."

"I have frozen bagels from H&H."

"Perfect."

"Bella?!" His voice floats through the air from behind the closed bathroom door. "Can I get a towel?"

"Oh my God was that him!?" Alice squeals.

"Shit! Alice, I gotta go. I need complete concentration in order to keep control of my faculties when he steps out of that bathroom."

"Ok call me later. Oh and Bella. _Friends_. Remember, he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah yeah bye." I hang up and drop the phone on the kitchen table. I haven't been to the laundromat in two weeks but I rummage around in my closet and manage to find one hot pink towel. While I'm in there I grab an extra large Radiohead Pablo Honey concert tee that I sometimes wear to bed. The butterflies swarm in my stomach as I approach the bathroom door. I knock on it three times with the knuckle of my index finger.

"Edward? Here's your towel." I open the door a crack and shove my arm through, looking away and closing my eyes. The steam beads up on my forearm and I try not to breathe in the scent of whatever Edward washed himself with. I have a dozen bottles of different body washes and soaps strewn around the rim of the tub so the possibilities are endless.

I feel the towel leave my hand with a "Thank you."

"And here's a shirt just in case you want to wear it." I shove it through and it leaves my hand quickly.

"Thanks."

"Feeling better in there?"

"A little.. Your shower's really nice."

"The water pressure sucks though."

"...Yeah. But it's cozy."

"And cluttered." We're making small talk through the crack of the door. Hilarious. I'm leaning against the jamb facing the living room so I turn my head slightly and open my eyes. I can't really see anything through the small sliver of space except for a piece of the mirror and part of the sink. Suddenly there's a flash of pink as Edward walks into my line of sight. He's got the towel wrapped around his waist and he's standing in front of the sink with his back to me. I feel like a peeping Tom but I can't look away. I can make out the strong line of his spine and the way it separates his back in two. Water droplets glisten in the divots of the small of his back and every time he lifts his arms I can see the skin stretch and slide and pull across the planes of muscles. Glorious.

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra toothbrush, would you?" he calls over his shoulder loudly, not expecting me to be standing two feet away. I dart in three big steps across the living room to the front door to make it sound like I'm farther away.

"Umm, yeah, in the medicine cabinet there's a cheap travel one. I've used it once but you can use it."

I can't believe what an inexcusable perv I'm being. If I were a guy I'd have been arrested by now. I go into the kitchen and plug in the coffee pot and toaster oven and will myself to calm the fuck down. A few minutes later I hear the bathroom door open completely as Edward steps out humming a tune under his breath. He shuffles over to the couch barefoot and picks the pillows up off the floor and folds the Linus blanket.

"Does it really look like you need to tidy up around here?" I joke, spreading margarine over half a bagel. Edward smiles and and shrugs and runs both of his hands through his damp hair causing it to stick up in all directions and then flop perfectly into place.

And he's wearing my Radiohead shirt. I'm going to die. It's a tiny bit too small on him, reaching just below his belt but it hugs his back and shoulders like another layer of skin and is so worn that I can practically see through it.

"The coffee smells amazing," he says, joining me in the little square of a kitchen. He opens and closes my cupboards like he lives here. I put a mug in his hand and pour it full of goodness.

"Edward, so listen, I was trying to tell you something before."

He's pouring in milk and sugar and takes a long breathy sip with his eyes closed before acknowledging what I've said.

"Right. Sorry. Ok, go ahead. I'm listening." He moves to sit at the table.

"Wait, I didn't do anything stupid did I? Did I break something?" He looks around, then realizes he'd have no idea if he was the one responsible for the condition of half the crap in my apartment. He turns and looks me over.

"...Fuck. Did I come on to you last night? Because I really meant it when I said I wanted to be friends. I don't want to lose that, Bella. I don't remember much of anything from last night, not that it's an excuse but...I'm sorry."

"No, it's not anything you did. It's me and something _I_ did."

"Huh? Something _you_ did? I give. What is it? Tell me."

"I don't know how to."

"Just tell me."

"I feel terrible about it and I don't want you to be upset with me or think differently of me because of how I acted. I really like being friends with you too and it's so unlike me. I'm really not...and you're just..."

"Hey hey slow down." He reaches out and grabs my hand.

"How about this...Hey, Bella. Hey, look at me. Are you listening?"

"...I'm listening..."

"Whatever it is that's bothering you.....just forget about it. It's not important. It can't be that bad, can it? I'm not angry with you, right? Look at me." He points to his face and his big stupid Cheshire Cat smile.

"Right? And anyways, _ I'm_ the one who should be apologizing. I show up here in the middle of the night drunk off my ass, I pass out on your couch and spend the morning barfing everywhere and letting you cook for me. Ridiculous. I'm surprised you're still speaking to me. So whatever it is you did or think you did, it doesn't matter. We're still friends. Y'hear?"

His genuine compassion and concern for my feelings turns my stomach, in a good way.

"You're unbelievable. You know that?"

He pauses with an air of seriousness behind his shining eyes. "It's true. I am." Then his face explodes into a laughter that can't be contained and he pulls me into his arms, into a strong yet gentle bear hug. He holds me that way until it's a moment away from meaning more than friendship and he whispers into my hair.

"I'm glad we're friends, Bella. You're the realest person I know."

**

"Your tattoos are awesome," he comments, smiling through his mouth full of bagel. We're sitting on the floor against the couch with our legs outstretched in front of us and our plates balanced on our laps. We're sitting close enough to feel the other's shoulder move each time we lift our food to our faces.

"You have cream cheese on your cheek," I giggle, pointing at the side of his face. I flicks his tongue out to find it and I hand him a napkin.

"How many do you have?" he continues.

"...Um... " I think as I chew. "Four? Yes, four."

"Oh I thought it was more than that."

"It just looks that way because they're kind of big. And this one's all scrawly." I point to the passage on my shoulder. It's the one that Jacob freaked out about when he showed up outside the club the other day. I didn't have it when we were together because he thought that getting words tattooed on your body was stupid and trite. I think getting a tattoo of a wolf howling at the moon is tacky and played out but you didn't hear me saying anything when he got one on our second date. Anyway.

"What's it say?" he sits up and pulls my back toward him so he can see it better. It's an innocent enough gesture but it makes me want to crawl into his lap and take my pants off. I move the strap of my baby tank down.

"It's a Walt Whitman poem." I look over my shoulder and see Edward's eyes brighten. I can tell he wants to know more and since I rarely, if ever, have anyone to share my love of poetry with, I indulge him without him even having to ask.

I recite it from memory and in the tempo that I knew Walt would have read it in.

"…O You Whom I Often and Silently Come. Where you are. That I may be with you. As I walk by your side, or sit near, or remain in the same room with you. Little you know the subtle electric fire that for your sake is playing within me."

"...Jesus...that's beautiful."

"It's what made me love poetry."

"Someone gave me a copy of Leaves of Grass the other day."

"Fuck off are you kidding?!" I jump up and go to my mini-Stonehenge book pile and pull it out from the bottom, causing the structure to crumble under it's own weight.

"Here's mine. Oh Edward, it's brilliant. It's absolutely the greatest collection of poetry ever written. It's reckless and indecent. It's romantic and immoral. Whitman spent his entire life writing it. It's your _duty_ to read it."

He giggles and humors me. "I'll read it, I promise. Next time I see you I'll have my favorite passage memorized."

"Next time?"

"Yeah I better get going. It's almost noon. Time to face the firing squad," he rolls his eyes and heaves to a standing position.

"Thanks for the bagel and the coffee and the shower and for putting up with me in general." He laughs heartily at himself and shakes his head.

God I don't want him to go. I feel like crying. There's a furry lump hanging out in the back of my throat scraping and choking me.

"Do you have to work today?" he asks sweetly.

"No I don't work on Saturdays."

"That's good to know," he smiles, stuffing his feet in his shoes. He picks up his polo shirt and stuffs his wallet and phone into his back pocket. "I'll see you later, ok?"

We're standing by the door wondering who's going to make the first move.

"...Wait a sec," I rush into the kitchen and snatch my notebook off the table and pull out a folded page taped to the inside cover. I grab a pen and write my number on the back of it.

I rush back to the door where he's patiently waiting and stuff it into his hand. "Here take this."

He looks down at it. "What is it?"

"Something I wrote. And my phone number." I give him a sheepish grin and blush involuntarily. His face lights up and he moves to unfold it. I lash out and slap his hand.

"No! Don't read it now. I can't deal with you reading it in front of me. Read it later when you're alone."

He rolls his eyes and chuckles. "Whatever you say, Bella." he shows it to me and then makes sure I watch him as he pushes it into his back pocket. "There."

I nod my approval thankfully and he lightly touches the side of my face with his hand and strokes my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"See ya," he barely whispers before disappearing down the staircase.

**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the awesome reviews last chapter!! :D**

**So…this EPOV has a lot of Victoria in it. I know it's heinous but it has to happen. It wouldn't make any sense and it'd be downright BS for a guy, especially a guy like EDWARD, to be living with a girl and for the girl not to notice that he didn't come home. Am I right ladies? ;p Plus it's important not to minimize the fact that he was with her for a long time and sometimes it's not as easy to break up with someone as it seems like it should be. **

** But anyway I won't give too much away. I hope you like this next chapter :) **

**Thank you again for the reviews - PLEASE MORE PLEASE :D  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

I walk a few blocks past the park until I finally find an empty bench. I plop down and dig my fingers into my back pocket to pull out the wrinkled, folded piece of notebook paper. I stare at it, turning it in my hand, reluctant to open it, enjoying the suspense of what's inside waiting for me. It's a warm, breezy Saturday afternoon. Refreshing considering every day since I arrived in New York has been oppressively hot and humid. I sit back and close my eyes, taking a deep breath and allowing myself a few moments to reflect on the pleasant morning I just spent in Bella's apartment.

There was definitely no AC . If there was, it must have been fucking broken because it was boiling in her little place. That's the first thing that was brutally obvious when I finally peeled my head off the pillow this morning – I was sweltering and hungover.

So that's the first thing. The second. Her kitchen is big enough to turn around in.

There's a window over her small sink where she has a few plants and a cactus and a view of Avenue C. It's where she stood in her pajamas with her back to me while she made us breakfast.

She has an orange owl napkin holder, a Mr. Coffee, and a George Foreman grill.

The kitchen walls are a muted yellow and they turn into a light pea green as you enter the living area. The bedroom door is to the right, the bathroom to the left.

I squeeze my eyes tightly and try to memorize each space with its own individual personality.

The floors. They're worn and wooden and they squeak in certain places. The entire bathroom is made of tiny white tiles.

I unfold the paper and I realize my hands are shaking. At the very top is her phone number. My stomach flips and I get chills at the small connection that holds us together. My eyes trail down the page about ten blank lines to the middle where the scrawled, loopy handwriting begins.

She writes very close together with only the tiniest of spaces between each word. I can see the words in front of me but I'm not letting them register as sentences yet. I need one more second, one more breath, one more piece of time before I'm forever changed.

Finally I let my eyes move over Bella's words.

_I twisted you over and under to take you_

_  
The coals went so wild as they swallowed the rest_

_  
I twisted you under and under to break you_

_  
I just couldn't breathe with your throne on my chest_

_  
_As quickly as I had the paper unfolded and the first few lines read, I have it re-folded and back in my shaking palm. Questions are already swirling through my mind and I still have a few lines left to read. I don't have the courage to tackle it yet. I start to replay this morning for the hundredth time. Bella asking me to wait while she ran to her notebook and ripped out a page for me. Bella's notebook - the inside of her heart and mind translated onto paper. Some people are able to work things out in their mind, but not Bella. She's a creature that needs to see her thoughts in front of her so she can organize them, examine them, understand them and process what's going on in her mind. Or else the emotions will build and build and consume her until she's had the life strangled out of her.

I unfold it again, but not before looking over my shoulder and to the side twice to make sure I'm truly alone.

Here we go.

_I'm wrapped in the depths of these deeds that have made me_

_I can't bring this sound from my head though I try_

_All night. All I hear, all I hear is your heart_

_How come, how come_

_So far under the bed into the beams you've gone_

_I've gone, you've gone_

_**  
_

I must have read and re-read and read those words fifty times during the subway ride uptown.

My heart is still vibrating and pounding in my chest when my phone starts buzzing in my pocket as I walk the few blocks from the subway station to V's apartment building.

"Yellow?" I answer, bobbing and weaving through the crowded sidewalk.

"…You're so weird."

"Who's calling?"

"It's your sister, dipshit."

"Rosebud!"

"Don't Rosebud me, asshole. Why haven't you called us in two weeks?"

"The phone works both ways, sis. Although every time our father uses one it's either to give me an ultimatum or to take something away from me. Were you aware that our dear old Dad has cut me off financially, the same way he's cut me off emotionally?"

"He misses you, Edward."

"Ahahaha!! Yeah right!"

"He does. …So does Mom."

Low blow. That's where she always gets me. She plays the mom card when she wants to win the hand.

"I worry about Mom all the time, Rosalie. Don't start with that shit."

"They've been acting strange the past few weeks."

"How can you tell the difference from their regular behavior? Are they sleeping standing up now? Or upside down?"

"Dad's barely been going into the hospital and when he does his shifts are short and he's back a few hours later. He's spending more time downstairs in his office with the door closed. Mom's been doing that thing she does where she stares at him with that creepy, glassy-eyed worried look, the one she used to give us when we were teenagers and she knew we were sitting at the table high off our asses. She watches every move he makes, every bite he takes at dinner. It's freaking me out."

"That's regret for ya."

"You're so heartless, Edward."

"I am not! What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to them about it."

"Why don't _you_ talk to them about it? Christ. If you don't like how they're acting then move out and move on, what do you want me to say? I can't always be there to hold you hand. Do something for yourself for once."

Oops.

I do _not_ like talking to my sister like that. She's the only other person who knows what it's like to be a Cullen child. Maybe that's why I get so frustrated with her. We were two peas in a pod our whole lives. All we had was each other in that crazy fucked up house of horrors. The truth is that over the years I told her I'd always be there for her. When our mother was too sauced to help her pick out an outfit for the 5th grade holiday recital, I was the one who sat on the floor in the middle of her frilly pink bedroom and watched her parade around in various red and green ensembles.

When James broke up with her on the night of the Junior Prom, I cut up my knuckles, took a gash to the eyebrow and nearly ruined my tux kicking the crap out of him on the front lawn. When he had the nerve to come back the next day to beg her to forgive him, I twisted my ankle chasing him down the driveway but not before ramming him into the side of my father's Navigator a few times to many. The dents never came out of the Nav _or_ James' skull.

Not that I'm congratulating myself for watching out for my baby sister, because I'm not. She's my twin. Younger than me by thirty-seven seconds. It's my job to look after her. Lucky for me she knows when I'm shooting my mouth off and I don't mean what I'm saying. She also knows when she's crossed me and I'm legitimately pissed. This is an instance of the former and not the latter.

"Can I please strike that last comment from the record, Rose? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"I know that, dummy. But for real, it's not fair. One day you're home and we're smoking pot on your balcony, and the next day you're gone. Off and moved to New York leaving me here to deal with them all by myself. And then you don't even call me to see how I'm doing."

"You're right. I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping in touch with you better."

"Yeah yeah. It's ok I guess. So how's New York treating you?"

"It's cool. It's big, it's loud. It's fun."

"And how's Victoria?"

"She's the same."

"Big surprise there." I can hear her eyes rolling out of her head. Rosalie was never V's biggest fan.

"She lives in this sick apartment that reminds me of sitting in dad's office during one of his hour long lectures."

"Oh no," she laughs. Her laugh is like a golden egg. Rosalie has the best, most beautiful laugh I've ever heard. It's full and true and it makes you feel really good when you hear it. She doesn't overuse it either, so when she does it's like receiving the gift of a rare songbird. It feels like a privilege and I wish I had a recording of it for the times when I really need to hear it.

"How are you, Rose?"

"Me? Oh I'm fine, Edward. You know, same. Things have been rough since you left trying to keep Mom together and keeping out of Dad's way so he doesn't ask me about grad school. …I decided not to go, by the way. He's really fucking pissed. I missed the application drop dead due date on purpose and..."

_Fuck_. I wince and pinch the bridge of my nose. That is NOT what I wanted to hear.

"You should _not_ have done that, Rosalie. I really _really_ wish you hadn't done that."

She knows I'm upset. She gets scared when I'm upset and I can hear the fear in her voice. It's the same fear that I'd see in her eyes if I were in front of her. I'd see it flash and bounce between her large black pupils as she cringed and waited for the storm to pass. I'd probably be even more pissed if I could see her face.

"I know, Edward. I wanted to tell you in person. Please don't be mad at me."

"It's such a fucking waste, Rosalie! You were Dad's last hope for a normal, successful child."

"Pfft. Normal. Yeah right."

"You know what I mean. You have the potential to do anything you want with your life."

"Oh please. You're daddy's golden boy and you know it. You're so much smarter than me, Edward. You're better than me at _everything._ You're better than _most_ people at everything. In school you aced tests without even studying. I had to study and cram and plan and get to class early and go to the library for hours. You fucking waltzed in after the bell, sat down and then waltzed out twenty minutes later."

"I wasted whatever it was I had. You still have a chance to be something. A really fucking good something, too."

"Promise you'll call more. If you don't want to talk to them, fine. Call to talk to me."

"I will. I promise."

"I love you, Edward. It's not the same here without you."

"I love you too, sis. That will never change no matter where I am."

**

I barge in the apartment ready for battle. I know V has every right to be pissed. I acted like a douche at dinner. I mouthed off inappropriately in front of her snooty co-workers, got wasted at the bar, stormed off like a child and never came back. Plus, and she didn't know it yet, I slept over a girl's apartment that she never met without even bothering to call to tell her I was alive.

She's not there when I walk in but she's ten seconds behind me. Bursting through the door she looks surprised to see me standing in the entranceway in a ratty borrowed tee with my polo slung over my shoulder. She's wearing clothes I recognize but not the ones she had on when I left her last night.

"I see I wasn't the only one who ran away from my problems last night," I smirk as she brushes past me and into the kitchen. She flings her oversized Prada bag onto the counter and fills a glass with water from the Brita.

"I slept at my father's apartment on the west side."

I follow her into the kitchen and hop onto the island, my legs dangling down, my heels knocking into the shelves underneath. She's quiet, her eyes scanning over me, taking me in, assessing my appearance, deducing my whereabouts.

"What were you thinking last night?" she asks softly. Man, she's fucking pissed. I think I see the steam.

"I was doing the clientèle a favor. No one wanted me there. Not even you."

"You humiliated me in front of my co-workers. In front of my team leader. In front of Richard and Guy who I'm sure will have the entire office filled in on the details first thing Monday morning."

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"_Dramatic!_? Edward, you're supposed to be starting in the legal department tomorrow. Do you know that one of the people you insulted last night, the one you told to get a refund on his hairpiece and try _plugs_, is the _head_ of that department? What were you _thinking_?"

"I was _thinking_ that everyone there sucked . But _they_ thought they were fucking awesome and brilliant and interesting. They sat there sipping their overpriced trendy bullshit drinks with the word 'spritzer' in it and thought everything they said was fucking blowing minds and that we were all lucky to be in their presence! Don't you find that irritating!? Doesn't it make you want to take them down a few hundred notches?!"

"Not when they're my co-workers and I have to work side by side with them every day. Not when they play a part in my success or failure at this company."

"Fine. I understand that, but they're still fucking assholes. You can't tell me that you actually enjoy hanging out with them all the time."

"Are you planning on telling me where you stayed last night?" she asks, changing the subject.

"I stayed with a friend." I'm still swinging my legs from the island, my heels hitting into the shelves with every pass. It's driving her insane.

"A friend," she repeats. "A friend that's a music fan I see? Nice shirt. …That girl from the bar?"

"Yes. She's my _friend_. And no I didn't sleep with her, if that's what your tone is implying. Not that you'd care much if I did."

I look around the immaculate apartment and how it's all hers, completely her, all of it…sparse, exact, in order, everything in it having a specific purpose, be it to cover the wall with a tacky image or the stainless steel Keurig because one cup of coffee in the morning is more than enough for civilized people. Nothing in this place reflects a shred of my existence. Nothing in it is me and she knows it. She's known it since the first time she came to my house in Forks.

We had been "going out" or whatever you call it, for almost two weeks and that was the first official step that said we were a couple. I could tell she was nervous. She didn't know anything about me other than the fact that our fathers were friends. I knew she must have asked him about the Cullen's as soon as she realized she was into me. I doubt she would have continued to give me the time of day if she went home and he told her that my father worked at the plastics plant on the edge of town.

I could see her shoulders relax as we drove up the mile and a half of winding tree-lined driveway that led to my house. Long private drive means money. I knew that's what she was thinking. I hadn't gotten into her pants yet so I didn't really care at that point. Whatever turned her on and would get me laid. That's what I was thinking at the time, like any good 17-year old boy. When the mansion on the hill finally emerged through the trees and the white plantation style house with six white pillars lining the front porch and massive double doors came into view, I thought she'd just about soiled her panties. She walked through the large corridors with their high white ceilings and individual hand-crafted chandeliers, exquisite museum-style painting lined the walls, the knobs on every ornate, intricately carved door were brass and shined bright, the carpets were lush and deep, the tiles were Italian hand cut and carved. I could go on and on. Stained-glass windows. Check. Bubbling fountain in the front entranceway. Check. Massive floor to ceiling fish tank in the den. Check. Everything on Victoria's mental checklist of approval was being blown away. I was acing this test. I could tell by the way her mouth hung open in amazement. It meant I'd get a blow job at the very least by the end of the night.

When we finally reached my room I could see the anticipation radiating off her skin, she was buzzing with excitement and euphoria. I was everything she hoped for and this house finally confirmed that I was good enough for her. She was doing the math in her head. In my head I was doing _her._ _Wait til she sees me naked_, I thought as I pushed the door to my room open. I was good looking from head to toe. She could tell that immediately from my clothes and hair and face. I was smart. She could tell that from my answers when I was called on in class. I was a good kisser. She moaned that into my mouth every day when I had her pinned against the gym lockers. I had a nice car. I could see the relief on her face the first time we walked across the school parking lot and I unlocked my brand new Volvo and opened the door for her.

My room was clean and tidy but it didn't reflect the posh, sterility of the rest of the house. I had a bookshelf built into one entire wall that ran the length of the room. Glass floor to ceiling window panels lined the opposite wall and curved around to connect on either side, encasing the entire room in a bird's nest view of our property. If you stepped directly to the edge of the window-wall and looked down, the bottom dropped out and a wave of nausea would pass over you as you came face to face with the sprawling back yard that extended for miles into the lush Forks wilderness below.

The bookcase wall was stuffed with CD's and vinyls and packed with volumes and volumes of books big and small. I had read and listened to every single item on that shelf more than once. I didn't have a television in my room. There was a plasma screen in the bathroom down the hall, but in my private bath I had a Bose stereo instead. My interests had always lay somewhere else. I read the newspaper for current events but I got my entertainment from books and music of my choosing, from research I did on what I found alluring and intoxicating. My father, for all his faults, was the same way. His office contained no distractions. Not even a computer (which I did have in my room. I needed the internet at all times.) A pen and a pad, his medical journals all around him, Verdi playing on the surround sound speakers connected to his turntable, the fire crackling in the winter, binoculars on the windowsill so he could engage in his favorite pastime of bird watching in the spring. These were the things my father enjoyed and as a boy I would sit in an overstuffed leather chair in his office lined with bookshelves, which was enormous but somehow seemed cozy safe and warm, and listen to him talk about the opera and how music like that could never be made again. The universe wouldn't allow it.

Victoria's eyes roll back in her head like I knew they would, like they always do whenever I bring up old shit. She huffs and slaps her palm to her forehead in frustration.

"We were _young_ then, Edward. Why do you keep bringing up the _past_? You moved out here so we could be together, so that we could start _fresh_. _Together_."

"Yeah well you seem to have _started_ without me."

"It's time to grow up, Edward. I can't keep waiting for you to catch up to me."

"Wow. Tell me how you really feel. I would have thought getting accepted into _two_ schools of law _after_ the application deadline would have somehow proven my worth. …oh and I start a new job on Monday that you'll probably take credit for pulling strings to get me."

She gawks at me with an exasperated look on her face and pulls her hair tie out of her makeshift bun. She's done answering me. This is what she does when she's had enough. She closes down, clams up, she decides when the conversation is over by refusing to entertain any further discussion on the subject, whatever it be. She turns and walks into the bedroom, pulling off her shirt and letting her long hair flow down her bare back. I feel a familiar twinge, a pull below of a strained and overlooked member. I roll my eyes at my body's natural, instant reaction to seeing Victoria take her clothes off. It's been a few days since we've had sex. What with V working late every single night and me being a complete ass to her every second we're together. I can't help it. I don't know what my problem is. She's really not acting all that different. And yet she is. Or is it me? Is it my new feelings for Bella that are inadvertently destroying our relationship? A relationship that I was always pretty comfortable with since its inception, a relationship that worked the way I wanted, where I took and got out of it exactly what I wanted, that didn't tie me down mostly because Victoria wouldn't let it tie _her_ down.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a man. I enjoy having sex with willing participant's – of which Victoria has always been one. But maybe I _wanted_ to be tied down. Is that such an abstract thought for a 23 year old guy to think? Maybe I wanted someone to want me badly enough that they _always wanted_ ME. Not me and then whoever else came along that struck their fancy.

"_Let's not tie each other down and stop the other from experiencing all this world has to offer while we're young. We're meant for each other, Edward. We'll eventually find our way back to each other someday." _

That was what she said as her plane departed Buenos Aries. I wouldn't see her again for another year, after her decision to move to New York had already been made.

"What are you going to wear to the office on Monday?" she calls from the bathroom. I can hear the water running in the tub. I'm digging through the refrigerator looking for anything resembling the contents of a sandwich.

"I kind of like what I have on," I grumble, pulling out a Whole Foods bag containing a loaf of hard-ass bread and sprouts and other various leafy things. I dump it all out on the counter and start arranging it into something edible.

"I heard that. …We should go out today and get you some clothes."

"Greeeeat. That's what I was hoping you'd say." God I'm a sarcastic bastard.

She walks out of the bedroom in nothing but a towel and her hair hanging over her dimpled shoulders and I'm immediately possessed by the most basic of human desires.

"I think it will be fun," she approaches me like a lioness and I try to suck back the sprouts that are hanging out of my mouth. "You look so sexy when you're all dressed up."

She leads me to the bedroom and even though my dick is doing somersaults at the thought of impending action, I'd be lying to myself if I said it was anything more than a means to an end.

**

Spending the day with Victoria is not necessarily an unpleasant activity.

Spending the day being dragged up and down 5th Avenue like a schoolboy shopping for new school clothes with his mom while she yammers into her cell phone and twirls me around like a monkey in front of a full-length mirror is fucking torture.

"Tell Dominic that the storyboards for the layout need to be ready by 8am Monday morning, no excuses. If that means he has to work all weekend to get it done, then so be in. He should be happy he has a job in this economy. …Can we see this in a gray pin-stripe? …Yes, Richard, it is important. I'm well aware of the legal ramifications if this goes bad. …Can we get this white shirt in a medium? …He starts on Monday. …Yes, I know what happened on Friday and it is in no way indicative of Edward or his work ethic. I assure you he is responsible and hard-working and he will be an asset to the team despite his indiscretion last night."

Does she honestly think I can't hear her? Just because the saleswoman at Bergdorf is inappropriately feeling me up and massaging my inner thigh with the tape measure doesn't mean I'm not in earshot.

God how things change.

**

After the bags are loaded into the cab Victoria excuses herself to go to the office to pick something up or yell at someone or something. Who the fuck knows. Anyway it gives me a chance to be alone for five minutes. I drop the bags off at the concierge and run around the corner to the enclosed patio reserved for tenants only. I pull the wrinkled paper out of my pocket and sit on the bench. My hands start shaking as I unfold it and press the numbers into my cell. It starts ringing and I have no idea what I'm going to say when she picks up. I want to tell her how much I love what she wrote but how much it confuses me. I want her to tell me what it means, why she wrote it and if there's more. I want to apologize to her for having sex with my girlfriend.

"_It__'__s B. Leave a message if you want."_

I gulp and start speaking slowly.

"…Bella, it's Edward. I realize you don't recognize this number and are probably screening your calls. Ha. So listen, um, give me a call back at this number…if you can, when you get this. Ok, uh, bye. …Your poem was very beautiful. Ok bye."

I read it over again and again, absorbing every word and imagining what she must have been feeling when she wrote it. Did she write it last night after I passed out on her couch? Was it even about me? What a pompous ass I am to think that it could be.

My phone starts buzzing on the concrete bench and I jump to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Bella."

"Hey! How are you?!"

"I'm good. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks. Yeah, no more throwing up, thank god. Um, whatcha doin?"

"Alice is dragging me around SoHo. I fucking _hate_ SoHo. It's too hot for these awful shops. She's in BCBG or Burberry. Something with a B, who fucking knows. I'm sitting on the step waiting for her."

She groans in a misery that I relate to all too well. I can see the expression of UGH on her face. I smile into my phone like a big dork.

"Yeah I know what you mean," I murmur like she's sitting next to me.

She sighs. "I think we might go to Jazz's restaurant for dinner. He'll be psyched to see us. Oh my God! I have to tell you about him and Alice! It's so juicy you'll die!"

"Uh oh. Spill it." I might as well have said, Spill it, sister. God I get so wound up just talking to her. I feel alive and excited about the silliest things, like Alice and Jasper gossip, two people I barely know but who she's talking about like they're our old friends from home.

We spend the next twenty minutes laughing and OMG-ing as she relays the tale of Alice and Jasper – how they've had this secret hidden connection/interest/lust for each other for months but have been too weird and edgy to get over themselves and get on with it. My throat and my sides are sore from laughing at the way she describes their swoony lovestruck behavior. I'm having such a good time bullshitting about nothing with her that I forget to mention the poem.

"Hey I meant to tell you...Jazz plays basketball at the courts a few blocks away from the club and he's always looking for someone to play with if you're ever interested."

"No shit?! I love basketball! I haven't played in ages though."

"Hey you should come to dinner with us tonight!" she exclaims.

"Um, I'd love to but…I have to…I don't know if…" I already have dinner plans with V that are non-negotiable.

"Oh right I forgot about…hey it's no big deal, maybe another time…"

I start to get another incoming call – I look at the screen. _V's apt_. I look at my watch. Shit. We have reservations in forty minutes.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I ask Bella hurriedly.

"Huh? I have to work at noon."

"Great. I'll see you then." I clap my phone shut and run inside.

**

**I could keep going but the next part's not totally done and I didn't there to be too long of a wait between chapters.**

**Take a look at my profile for a link to the Neko Case song "Furnace Room Lullaby" where the words for Bella's poem came from. So so so amazing!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I thought some Walt was an order. He's reeeeeeally been doing it for me lately, which made this chapter necessary.  
**

**Thank you to those who've reviewed. It really helps :)  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

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**

** Here the frailest leaves of me and yet my strongest lasting,**

** Here I shade and hide my thoughts, I myself do not expose them,**

** And yet the expose me more than all my other poems.**

** - _Here the Frailest Leaves of Me_, Walt Whitman**

**

**BPOV**

"Jasper, you dog. Get over here with your studley self."

Alice and I take a seat at a table for two in Jasper's section of The Organic Grill. His face is ten different shades of beet red as he makes his way over to us with his long black apron tied around his waist and his black tie buttoned into his pressed dress shirt.

"Hey hottie," I tease and slap his ass as he stands in front of our table with his hands clasped behind his back. He leans down and gives Alice a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"You're magnificent," he whispers in her ear. She wiggles under his touch and blushes into his neck. I look away from their intensely private moment and concentrate on the menu.

"Hi Bella," he swats my arm. "Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot. Get it out of your system. I know it's killing you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I bat my eyelashes over the top of my menu. It's complete bullshit of course. The first chance I get to have that fucker alone I'm going to grill his ass like a half-rack of ribs.

"Fine. I know you'll get me later when I'm alone. You love to prolong my agony." He rolls his eyes and whips out his order pad. I stick my tongue out at him. He knows me too well.

"What can I get for you?" He's looking lovingly at Alice but I cut in. She gets the same thing every time anyway.

"I'll have a mesclun salad...and the roasted garlic tempeh triangles...and a side of the blanched vegetables with spelt toast...oh and a carrot juice."

I smile and place the menu in front of me.

He turns to Alice. "And for you, my darling?"

"I'll have the usual."

"Macro Plate Special it is." he winks at her as he walks away and my heart skips a beat for their new-found happiness. She sighs after him and doesn't look away while he checks on his other tables.

"Are you going to come down from cloud nine long enough to have dinner with me?" I groan.

"Sorry. I know it's sickening."

"I'm just teasing. You know I think it's great. I'm just shocked that's all. I thought me and Em would have to tie you two in the basement of the club until you fucked your way out."

"Bella, I can't explain it. One night we're sitting at the end of the bar talking, just like we always do. We weren't even drinking. Next thing I know we're tearing each others clothes off in the stairwell of my building. It's like something in us finally snapped and we couldn't take it anymore. And um, wow, Bell. He's fucking _phenomenal_ in bed. He knows how to move, how to peel my clothes off , how to ask nicely before he pushes in, when to go fast and when to slow it down, all the while managing to hold off his own orgasm until I get off. I've never felt the way he makes me feel. Sexy and seductive and innocent and trashy all at the same time. But that's not even the best part. The best part is how I went from only _thinking_ he was wonderful and sweet and funny to now _knowing_ first hand that he really is all of those things and more."

"I'm so happy for you, Alice. I love you both so much."

"Aww sweetie. I love you too. So tell me, what happened after we talked this morning? Is clean Edward in the morning as dreamy as dirty Edward at night?"

"Dreamier." I roll my eyes. "It's disgusting."

"Fuck. Off. How is that even possible?"

"Check it out. I tried to tell him what I did to him that night, right? But as usual I couldn't get the words out so I stood there fumbling and fretting and getting more upset by the second, and that's when he grabbed my hand and told me to _forget about it_! He said that it – and I quote – _wasn't important_."

"He let you off the hook!? Holy shit, Bella. You gotta get this guy away from his girlfriend. You know he's into you. He_ told you_ he had feelings for you."

"...he's reading Leaves of Grass for me."

"Shut up you showed him your tattoos?!?"

"Just these two." I point to the poem on my shoulder and the ribbon on my back.

"Wow. Then what happened?"

"He called me later when he got home."

"Of course he did. He got the best dry hump session of his life."

A different waiter comes by with our plates and sets them down in front of us. The smell reminds me how starved I am and I dig in and talk with my mouth full.

"If only he remembered it. That was some of my best work. All my skill wasted on the finest boy I've ever laid eyes on and fucking blacked out and couldn't even enjoy it."

"The spooge on your tits was a dead giveaway that he enjoyed it, honey."

I half-laugh, half-choke on my giant tempeh triangle. "Good one."

Jasper comes by to check in on us and I remember to tell him what I told Edward.

"Hey so I told Edward about your b-ball games and I think he's going to join you on the courts tomorrow."

"Sick!! He's tall, too. Nick's gonna want him on his team but...hey, wait just a second. You're not sending him out there so he can be your own personal Magnum P.I, are you? He's not goning start asking me all these random sex questions like if I like to be tied up or spanked or if I've ever had the clap, is he?

OMG Jazz is such a spazz. It's great.

"Chillax. I told him about you and Alice yes, but I didn't go into smutty detail about the things you told me you'd to to her if you ever got the nerve to stick it in. ...That reminds me, did you ever find out if she does anal, or is it too soon? Al, care to shed some light?"

"Bella!!" Alice squeals in embarrassment as the couple behind us turns around and gives us the death glare.

"I'm only kidding. Shit you guys are uptight. All I told him was that it was his voice that provided the background music to your foreplay and resulting bump and grind, ok? Come on, that's a compliment! He was psyched."

I smile widely as they look at each another in horror.

**

"What the hell happened to you?" I ask as Jasper jogs into the bar with a towel wrapped around his shoulders tossing a basketball from one hand to the other. I've never seen him so sweaty in all the time I've known him, and I've been to a bunch of his games before. He's never looked this spent. It looks like someone clotheslined him, grabbed him by his mess of flaxen curls and wiped him up and down the basketball court before propping him up and using him as a punching bag.

"I just took Edward's dignity in a friendly game of basketball," he says with his smile on full beam.

"Uh, is that right? How friendly was it, Jazz?" I joke, tapping the side of my nose. "Your nose is bleeding."

His hand flies to his face, covering his leaking nostril. "Again? I thought it stopped"

Alice rushes to his side and dabs at his face with a soggy napkin. "Does it hurt Jasper?"

"N-yeah a little." He bends down to give her easy access to fuss over him.

She drags him to the bathroom and I hear Edward swallow a laugh as he slumps onto a barstool. He looks fucking perfect, of course. A few beads of sweat line his crease-less forehead and there are steady rivulets trickling slowly down the sides of his face to his neck and disappearing into his sleeveless mesh Nike b-ball shirt. His hair is sticking up but not drastically, spiky with sweat and there's a few stray pieces clinging to his forehead and plastered to his temple. Other than that he's completely unaffected. He's not even breathing hard. Jasper was gasping.

"Did _you_ do that to him?" I point, trying not to laugh.

"Well...sort of. I tried to go easy on him but he kept running into my elbow with his face." He winks and I bust out laughing. It's contagious and pretty soon we're both trying to catch our breath and I've got the hiccups.

"What time do you get off?" he asks as I place a glass of water on the bar for him. He chugs it appreciatively and I'm grinning so wide as I admire him with that bright shining smile, that contagious laugh, that I forget it's my turn to talk.

"Bella?"

"Oh, right, um," I blush heatedly and suck my lip ring into my mouth. "Three o'clock."

"Awesome. That's in an hour."

"We can go back to my place to shower," Jasper calls out as he exits the bathroom. He has tissue stuffed up his nose and Alice in tow still fretting over him.

"That'd be great. I stink," Edward wrinkles his nose, pretending to be disgusted with himself and his visible pit stains.

"I'll be back in an hour and we'll do something, ok?" He leans across the bar and that's when it hits me like a bitchslap across the face. His smell. It's not gross or offensive. He doesn't even smell dirty. He smells like a _man_. Like sweat and musk and heat and hard work and exertion. It's making me hallucinate, I can hear the grunts and groans of the game that put him in that condition and I'm jealous that the visual it was wasted on Jasper.

I don't want him to wash it off. I want him to cover me in it - I want him to wrap me in his arms and press my face against his sweaty chest, I want to burrow into the crook of his arm and lay there forever, I don't want artificial him. I don't want soap or body wash or cologne or anything to mask the true scent of Edward.

"Bella?"

Speak, Bella.

"...Uh...yes. I'll see you then."

**

After I fill Emmett in on the bookings for the upcoming week, I grab my bag and stand on the sidewalk to wait for Edward. I try not to look like I'm staring down the street in the direction of Jasper's apartment for a glimpse of him but even as I pretend to bum a cigarette off some skater chick and make meaningless conversation I can't help but look over her shoulder the entire time.

Finally I see him appear through the crowd, walking next to Jasper with his hands dug in the front pockets of his jeans and his gym bag slung over his shoulder. He looks at the sidewalk in front of him as he walks and I can see his lips moving. My heart lurches in my chest as he grows closer and I'm stunned by the way he looks in relation to other people. It's even more noticeable in the sunlight and it's 100% unfair to every single other human being in the world and we should all be insulted for one very simple reason...

God was showing off when he made Edward Cullen.

He blows everyone away – not just blows, he jettisons them out of the water into the outer limits of space. Even Jasper, who at one time I considered the best looking guy I knew, looks like he's trying too hard next to Edward.

Everyone, men and women young and old, follow him with their eyes as he passes. Their reactions are slight and no one else, including Edward, notices. I do but only because I'm hyper-aware of him and his surroundings, all that he comes into contact with and his effect on everyone and everything around him.

Including me.

"Hey," he says when he reaches me, slightly out of breath but with that same crooked grin.

"Hi," I respond, not even acknowledging Jasper's presence. Is there anyone else in the world right now? Oh sorry, I hadn't noticed.

"Ready to go?"

I nod dumbly and we begin strolling up the avenue with no destination in mind. The sun's beating down on our backs so I slip on my Jackie O. Chanel knock-off sunglasses and Edward has on his thick black Ray Bans. He's talking excitedly about the game, how awesome everyone played and of course how much he stunk even though his team won.

If I allowed myself to, I could believe that this is what it felt like to take a late afternoon stroll with my boyfriend...my boyfriend Edward. I reach out and I take his hand. It's swinging right there next to mine. It was a natural thing to do. He doesn't pull it away but he doesn't tighten his grip. A sense of panic that I've stepped over the line washes over me. Hand-holding is gf/bf territory. Everyone knows that.

I feel an immediate need to rectify the situation before it hits the 30-second mark. I take his hand and with all my force use it to jerk him across the street. It's an exaggerated move. I could have just asked him if he wanted to cross the street but whatever, I'm weird.

We decide to duck into an ice cream shop for some refreshment. Edward goes inside and orders for us while I grab a table outside in the shade.

As I wait for him to come back I have an epiphany.

I know how Alice feels about Jasper. I know why she pouts a little when he walks away or when he has to go or when he is in the same room with her but not right next to her.

I finally get it.

Jasper makes Alice happy.

That's it.

I'm _happy_. Syrupy sweet sickeningly so.

My stomach jumps at the thought that any second Edward is going to come back with our treats and he's going to sit down next to me. He'll be right there next to me with his fuck-me bed head because he wants to be. He's choosing to be. Edward Cullen is spending time with me _on purpose_. I want to laugh out loud like a giddy school girl. In fact I put my hand over my mouth to stifle any giggle slippage. I've never felt genuine excitement about something as mundane as eating ice cream, but I'd haul garbage bags full of raw sewage if I could do it with Edward by my side.

The door dings and Edward walks out with a giant heaping banana split in one hand and a milkshake in the other. He puts the sundae in front of me and has already got the tall bendy straw in his mouth.

"This was a good idea," he smiles, pulling out the plastic chair.

"This thing is HUGE." I stare at it in horror. There's about six scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream, three bananas sliced in half, hot fudge dripping everywhere, strawberry sauce, peanuts, sprinkles, caramel, whipped cream, and cherries.

"I'll finish what you don't," Edward says, sucking on his modest vanilla shake.

We're quiet for a few moments, enjoying the evening's approach and each other's company.

"I start a new job tomorrow," he says, breaking the silence.

"You don't seem thrilled," I answer, shoveling a giant spoonful of hot-fudge into my face.

"Mmm, that's because I'm not. It's at my girlfriend's company." He mumbles that last part through a cheek full of shake.

Great. I've lost my appetite. I put my spoon down and swallow the glop of fudge like it's a giant turd of dogshit.

Why do I even care? Why does it bother me? We're friends, right? Don't friends talk about work and girlfriends and sexual positions? I can handle this. It's fine.

I smile weakly. "What kind of company is it?"

He shrugs with little interest. "I have no fucking clue. Advertising maybe? Something to do with clients and accounts and reports and things that needed to be done yesterday."

"Sounds like a blast." I take my spoon and begin pushing all the cherries to one side.

"Dude what are you doing?" Edward looks appalled at the way I am destroying my delicious ice-cream creation. "You don't like cherries?"

"They're alright but why are there like _fifteen_ on them in here?" I ask, sneering and stabbing them with the tip of my spoon.

Edward scoops them up and carries them to the safety of his napkin. He picks one and puts it in his mouth, chewing happily and swallowing with a flick of his tender pink tongue. I stare at the red juice collecting on his bottom lip until it becomes obvious that I'm eye-fucking the shit out of him from across the table.

I blush cuz he's noticed. "Um, so, what's your job going to be?"

"That hasn't been clearly defined," he says in a stuck-up corporate nasal voice.

"I'm assuming I'll be a well-dressed desk jockey in the legal department shuffling papers from one pile to another all fucking day."

"Wow. That's really boring."

"Yeah I'm sure it will be. It's only part-time though. I'm starting classes at NYU law school in two weeks."

He what? Law?

"You are? ...You want to be a lawyer?"

He shrugs and stirs his shake with his straw. "I guess. It'll get my dad off my back - the school part. And the job part will give me money of my own so I can stop feeling like a Stepford wife."

"Wait, so you don't _know_ if you want to be a lawyer? It's not, like, something you've always wanted to be?"

"Not really. It's something i've always been told I'd be good at if I just applied myself."

"Call me crazy but aren't people doctors and lawyers because they've always _wanted_ to be those things?"

He shrugs again and sips.

"Ok. Look. Edward," I sigh and fold my hands on the table top.

"I'm looking. You look very pretty today." This boy is killing me from all sides

"Stop trying to dazzle me, I'm about to be profound."

"Dazzle?" he laughs his ass off. "What's that even mean? No one's ever said that to me before."

"Google it. Now shut up."

"My apologies. Please continue."

I've lost my flow so I take a few moments to gather my thoughts and regroup. He sits waiting patiently for me to begin.

"I'm the definition of a fuck up, Edward, so I have absolutely no right to pass judgment on anyone's career decisions or life choices. I went to ASU for four years for English and graduated with honors and now I work at a bar and scribble mind-diarrhea into a fourth-graders notebook. I'm too petrified and neurotic to get up and perform it in front of anyone other than my reflection in a bathroom mirror and I've reneged on a bet with the most handsome man in the continental U.S. which was the only thing that would have ever gotten me to do it. It's pretty clear that I have ZERO prospects, but you...Edward, you're different."

"You sound like my sister."

"Your sister sounds like a smart chick."

"And you're wrong about yourself, y'know. You can't bullshit me. I read what you wrote. I read it so many times I have it memorized."

"...You do?" I blush cherry red.

"Would you like me to recite it for you?"

"Oh god no! I'll die of embarrassment."

"Can I recite something else?"

I nod and suck my lip ring into my mouth in anticipation. His eyes close and he's silent for a moment, which is perfect because my eyes can travel uninterrupted and unnoticed across his flawless face until his lips part and the words flow out on the waves of his melodic voice.

"Once I passed through a populous city, imprinting my brain, for future use, with its shows, architecture, customs, and traditions; Yet now, of all that city, I remember only a woman I casually met there, who detain'd me for love of me; Day by day and night by night we were together,—All else has long been forgotten by me; I remember, I say, only that woman who passionately clung to me; Again we wander—we love—we separate again; Again she holds me by the hand—I must not go! I see her close beside me, with silent lips, sad and tremulous."

I don't bother wiping the tears away.

"You know that poem."

I nod and blink and the tears stream down my cheeks. He leans in and brushes at them and I notice that he doesn't wipe the wetness from his fingers. He lets my moisture dry on his skin.

"You kept your promise," I croak. I'm so overwhelmed by Whitman and Edward and Edward reading Whitman and Edward buying me ice cream that I think I'm having heart palpitations.

"I'll always keep my promises to you, Bella. I told you that already. Anyway you were right."

"Right about what?"

"It's my duty to read it. I can see the effect it's had on you and if it will make me close to the kind of person you are, I'll make it my mission in life to memorize every line."

"You're too much for me."

"How do you mean?"

"I feel like there's so much more to you that I don't know but I can barely handle the little about you that I've learned so far. I mean, I think you're so fucking amazing...as a person"

"Why? I'm not educated and I have no direction other than the direction people give me."

"So tell me, Edward. What do _you_ want to do? If no one else was around."

He shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

"I, uh...that's a really good question. I've never thought about it because it's never been a possibility for me. The whole 'no one else being around' thing, I mean. I've always been pulled through my life on a string tethered to someone else's decisions. My father, his friends, his co-workers, my teachers. They've all had a say in my life. Even when I went away after high school...I could have gone to Africa or Morocco or Barcelona but I went to the same place my father went when he went searching for himself. I don't know why I thought I could find myself in the same place my father looked. We couldn't be more different. Even coming here was a sham. I never would have come to New York if Victoria hadn't first. Although now I realize it's the best decision I ever made."

He's not looking at me when he says that last part but my stomach flips anyway.

"It was the same thing when I was in school. I'd go to parties every weekend, even during the week, and get drunk and get high. Eventually I stopped needing the parties to do those things. But before I started doing it in my room to escape I was doing it in front of others to fit in."

He sucks down the very last bit of his milkshake and burps the sweetest childlike burp.

"Wow where did that come from?" he laughs nervously. "Aaaanyway. This is getting a little deep. Feel free to run for the nearest exit."

I reach my hand across the table, palm up, and wait for him to take it. He looks at me curiously and slides his hand inside.

"Haven't I already shown you already that I'm not going to run away from you? It's too late for me."

**

"I should go. Gotta get up early. First day at the office and all."

He pushes his chair out and offers me his hand. I take it and stand.

"I'll walk you to the subway."

We stroll up the avenues and across the streets until we end up at the Astor Place station.

I smile sheepishly and rock back and forth on my heels. Edward's hands are stuffed in his pockets and he looks so tall even though he's not standing up straight.

"It was great hanging out with you today, Bella." The roar of the subway passing underneath takes some of his words away but I know what he means.

"Good luck at work tomorrow," I say loudly.

"Thanks. I'll call you."

He reaches out to give me a hug and I do the unthinkable. I fling my arms around his neck and pull him down to my level, giving him no other choice but to kiss me. I plunge my tongue into his mouth at the first hint that he's not fighting me off and he leans down to meet my lips with his own. He sweeps me off my feet with all his strength and presses his chest desperately against mine like this is all he's ever wanted. He's leaving me breathless. No seriously, I can't breathe. To breath would be to pull away from him and that's not an option. We're not slurping or porno-tonguing each other but we're damn close. I'm clawing at the back of neck and his hands are clamped onto the sides of my head.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I pant into his open mouth in between sweeps of our yearning tongues.

He nods but he doesn't let go.

"I shouldn't have done that," I mutter as I continue to do what I shouldn't be doing. "I'm throwing myself at you. This is so embarrassing."

I force myself out of his clutches and he stands for a second in the exact position as if I were still in his arms.

"I wasn't expecting you to do that," he admits, wiping my drool from his chin. "But I was secretly hoping that you wouldn't stop."

"I don't know what came over me." I'm still trying to catch my breath and not look at the noticeable crowd that has grown around us to watch the free show.

"Ugh fuck it. Yes I do. I like you Edward. ok. I like you a-fucking-LOT and sometimes it's hard for me to control myself and my...desire...for you."

He takes my hand and winds his long delicate fingers through my own.

"I hope you haven't forgotten what I told you that day when I was on dish detail, because my feelings for you haven't changed one iota since then. If anything they're getting stronger and I'm powerless to stop them. But I also don't ever want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of the situation or your feelings for me. You're too special, too important to be treated that way by anyone. I hold you to a higher standard than I've ever held any woman. You're unlike any woman I've ever known and for that reason among an infinite number of others, you deserve better than anything I have to give right now."

I nod in understanding and swing our arms between us playfully.

"I know you'll never hurt me, Edward. I told you I wanted you in my life and I meant it. I don't want to lose you. I'll play by the rules."

The passing subway drowns out my sentiments but I know he understands my meaning. He pulls me into a hug and his hands are deep in the thick of my hair, which I'm fucking so happy I don't have pulled back. I wrap my arms around his waist and press my ear against his heart.

His chest sighs underneath me and I feel him pull away as the rumble of the next train approaches.

"I won't be able to sleep tonight thanks to you," he kids, raking his fingers through his thick golden brown hair. He face is flushed and I take particular pride in knowing it has everything to do with me.

**


	13. Chapter 13

**More BPOV. Damn that girl likes to talk ;p EPOV will own the next chapter.**

**Sorry for any typos, I re-read and re-read and the critters still get by me.  
**

**StephMey owns all things Twilight.**

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**

**I am he that aches with amorous love;**

**Does the earth gravitate? does not all matter, aching, attract all matter?**

**So the body of me to all I meet or know.**

**- _I Am He That Aches With Love_, Walt Whitman**

**

**EPOV**

Her lips on mine and how she aches for me, wrestling against the raging fire that burns wild under her pale surface. Her fingers in my hair down my back leaving scratches. Her voice, frail but certain, contradicts her actions and I savor the taste of her sweet but pointless words. I don't fight her off because to do so would feed the lie. The lie is that she is not the one for me. The truth is that she is the one I want. For those brief seconds of euphoria as a nestled Bella safely in my arms I was able to release the weight of the chains that hold me down, that tether me to my past and pull me to my predetermined and expected future. I was free and there was only the moment we were making. The outside world swirled powerless around us unable to rupture the forcefield we created. We were safe and protected and she was mine.

The train is an accomplice, speeding me away from the scene of my crime and leaving the hapless victim behind to hold the pieces. The cold air of the screeching car threatens to take away the warmth that our bodies generated in the throes of an unfullfilled passion. I press my hand to my chest to capture what's left of it before it's gone.

**BPOV**

I'm making a fresh pot of strong coffee when there's a knock at my door. I squint at the clock on the stove…11:14 am. Alice and I took yesterday off and caught a movie at the IFC, making it an early night for a change. She's visiting her parents in Greenwich this afternoon and put me in charge of keeping an eye on 'her Jasper', which shouldn't be too hard since I'm fairly certain all he'll be doing from now until she returns is moping around and sighing listlessly into the tree tops.

I shuffle to the door in my slipper socks, Joy Division tee and short pajama shorts and open it without looking through the peephole.

Big mistake.

Edward is standing before me in what is NOT an off-the rack Calvin Klein suit from Lord and Taylor, but what is more than likely a made-to-fit custom suit from Freeman's or Lord Willy's. He looks absolutely other-worldly, the fabric draped over his perfect body has been sewn to fit every shape and contour of his form, the pin-stripe sleeves of his jacket stop at the cuffs of his starched white dress shirt. It's single-breasted, unbuttoned. I can see that his thin tie lands exactly at his belt buckle. When I finally bring myself to look at his face, he's staring at me with his head cocked to the side.

"You're up," he grins, stating the obvious.

"Wow. Is this what you wear to work every day?"

"Yeah I know. I look like a tool." He saunters in and I'm lightheaded at the breeze he creates.

"…No…not at all...you look amazing." I pull him inside by his arm and make him twirl around for me so I can get a complete look. Aaaand because it's a pathetic excuse to paw at him.

"I could get used to seeing you this way."

"Oh yeah?" he grins sexily. "You like a man in a suit?"

"I like _you_ in anything." _Oh my god did I say that out loud?_

He laughs modestly and squirms inside his suit jacket.

He's still the same Edward that made me lose my breath the first time I saw him, that tall, lithe, God-like body, that long muscular torso that I've pictured buck naked and hovering over me, that perfect waist, those broad shoulders. I feel the red hit my cheeks and I look away. What is wrong with me? I can't even look at him without perving. He's standing here fully clothed and I'm behaving like he walked in in a Speedo.

"It's not mine if that's any excuse," he answers, picking at invisible lint on his shoulder. "I mean, it's supposed to be mine, but I didn't pay for it and I didn't pick it out. I was just kind of brought there and they dressed me like a Ken doll."

Hot.

"Well, whoever's idea it was must know what fits you perfectly…" I hiss and bite my tongue at the realization of what I'm inferring.

Reality has a way of sneaking up on you. The past few days I hadn't even thought about _her_ or the fact that he was still with her or the even clearer fact that there didn't seem to be an end in sight to her existence in both of our lives.

Our subway make-out session was never brought up again. I don't even know what he thought about it. We both know it happened and acknowledge the randomness of it by giving each other sideways grins and smirks and knowing looks out of the corners of our eyes. It's childish but the thought of sitting down and having a grown up discussion that starts with something uncomfortable like, "About last night..." is an alternative neither of us wish to investigate.

Edward's been coming down to the club every day after he gets off work. He usually heads to the basketball courts around the corner first to meet up with Jasper and the other guys he's made friends with for a quick game of three on three or whatever it's called before he comes in all sweaty and gross and fucking hot as Hades to sit at the bar and talk to me for hours. I never ask how he gets away from her or it and to be honest I don't care to know. All I know is that I'm in heaven every second he's near me. I serve customers as quickly as I can just so I can continue talking to him about nothing. Half the time he doesn't even drink. He does ask a lot of questions, though. Every time I come back to his end of the bar he's thought of another one while I was away. They're usually related to my life back in Phoenix. What was high school like? Did I play sports? Did I go to the prom? What was my favorite Halloween costume as a kid? Do I get along with my mom? How often do I see her? Do I miss my dad? I rest my elbows on the bar and listen intently to every word, taking each question seriously and really thinking about the answers. I want him to know me.

"So are you collecting an award today or something?" I tease. I still can't get over how amazing he looks.

He's inquisitively opening and closing the kitchen cupboards like a clever little boy looking for candy.

"Mug? In there. Shouldn't you know your way around by now?"

He smiles and pulls out my favorite mug, a cracked white one with a faded picture of a happy dog on the side that says, _I Love My St. Bernard_.

"Popular dogs in Phoenix?" he raises an eyebrow and pours a cup of coffee. No milk, no sugar.

"Eww, black?" I reach around him and take out _Atlantic City Is For Lovers_, pour it halfway and fill the rest with whole milk and sugar.

"So what are you doing down here?" _And can you never leave? That'd be great thanks._

"I have a meeting on Varick St. Do you know where that is?"

"Uh _yeah,_ but didn't you look up directions before you left?"

"Nah."

"It's a little out of the way from here. You could have just gotten in a cab and gone straight there."

He rolls his eyes and sips. I watch his lips rim my mug.

"I know that, Bella."

"So why didn't you?"

"Oh for God sakes. You can truly be dense when you want to be," he huffs, but before I get insulted he makes it all better.

"I'm using my geographical naivety of the layout of New York City as an excuse to come visit you, okay? Way to ruin a moment."

A radiant smile appears out of his pursed lips so big and beautiful that I have to hold myself back from attacking him. He's making up excuses to come see me at my tiny apartment dressed like a corporate Adonis?

This boy will be the death of me.

"Oh. Oops," I blush as a glimmer catches my eye..

"Damn that's a _big_ watch." I point to the enormous blingfest hanging off his wrist.

He looks down at it disdainfully like he was trying to forget it was there. "...it was a gift. It's not my style but..."

I stare at it, holding his wrist in my hand and rotating it so the diamonds sparkle under the dim kitchen light. It's brash and gaudy and exaggerated and representative of all that is flashy and stifling and made me feel bad about myself growing up poor. I'll take my fluorescent green Swatch watch any day and that's all I'd ever be able to give him. I see now where I stand in relation to what he's used to and what the people around him value and I'm embarrassed that I thought I'd have a shot at someone like him.

He must notice my frown because he pulls his wrist away and sticks his hand in his pocket.

"This is my last weekend of freedom," he says, strolling around my living room jingling the change in his pockets "Classes start Monday and tomorrow I have an undergraduate seminar but after that I'm free." He turns on his polished heel in front of my framed Amnesiac poster signed by all members of Radiohead. I'm at a loss for words watching him stand two feet away from my cheetah print throw pillows. He might as well have been cut from the pages of GQ and Photoshopped into my tacky living room. That's the only explanation my mind will accept for his presence. He's too fucking perfect.

He sighs contemplatively and let's out the rest of his thought.

"I was hoping you were, too. Free, that is."

**

After begging Donovan via incessant annoying text messages, he finally agreed to cover my Thursday night AND take back the Saturday shift that I promised to cover for him weeks ago. I think I may have agreed to sleep with him to do so but I'll worry about that later. There are more important things to think about.

Like how Edward wants to spend an entire weekend with me, starting today!

Through no fault of my own – meaning I eavesdropped on a brief but tense conversation Edward had with his father in my kitchen while I was brushing my teeth - I was able to deduce that his girlfriend is out of town on business indefinitely.

"Will you meet me at the apartment tonight?" he asks, clapping his phone together and slipping it in the inside pocket of his blazer. "Do you remember how to get there?" I notice how he never calls it "his" apartment. It's always "the" or "hers".

I nod, still speechless by the sound of his voice.

"Great. Six o'clock. And bring a sweater in case it gets chilly."

**

Edward gave me the number of his apartment and the concierge at the door was waiting for me.

"Hello, Miss Swan. Mr. Cullen is expecting you."

I have no idea what Mr. Cullen has planned for tonight or where he's taking me so getting ready this afternoon was a challenge. I wish I could have called Alice to ask her what I should wear on a "not" date with Edward but doing so would have tipped her off that I wasn't on Jasper duty and I was not even a little bit in the mood for another lecture on how spending time with Edward was going to "mindfuck' me.

I took the safe route and wore black skinny jeans with red ballet slippers, a tight Bob Dylan tee and my black hoodie. I shadowed and lined my eyelids and put on lipstick – Moulin Rouge Red. I pulled my hair back in a low ponytail and pinned a sprig of bangs at my ear with a glittery barrette.

My stomach is doing back flips as I walk down the hall to apartment 310. I knock twice and wait.

I hear footsteps approaching and and the faint sounds of music.

The knob clicks and the door opens and Edward appears. The music is louder now, a gorgeous female voice singing in French with a delicate guitar accompaniment.

Edward is leaning against the door frame in a fitted white v-neck tee and dark blue jeans cuffed at the bottom. He smells freshly showered. His hair is still damp and he has one hand clenched in it as he looks me up and down.

"Hey. You look great," he smiles. "Come on in." He turns and walks into the apartment barefoot, leaving me to follow and check out that ass.

"Would you like some wine?" He takes two glasses from the cabinet and uncorks a bottle of white. I take a seat on the barstool on the kitchen island and look around.

"So where are we going? I didn't know what to wear."

"What you're wearing is perfect."

We sip our wine and make small talk about the weather and the beauty of the night. I tell him I think the apartment is very luxurious and he laughs.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going or not?"

"Not," he grins from ear to ear and downs the rest of his wine.

He sets his glass on the counter and walks to the hallway closet. He pulls out a wicker picnic basket. In it he packs the bottle of white wine we've been drinking from and another unopened bottle of red and two clean glasses. He opens the fridge and takes out three blocks of cheese, two baggies of raw veggies, a tin of dip, a sleeve of crackers, a wad of napkins.

"We're going on a picnic?"

"Something like that." He slides into a worn pair of brown Sperry Top-siders and opens the front door. "After you."

**

The cab drops us off on 80th street on the southwest corner of Central Park's Great Lawn. It's dusk and the streets are washed in orange and blues as the sun makes it's final descent.

Edward pays the driver and hustles me across the street, his hand around my waist to make sure I stay with him. As if there's anywhere else in the world I'd rather be. He's handsome and dashing and I feel like a princess on his arm as we approach the sidewalk and heads turn. They always do whenever Edward's around.

There's a crowd gathering and a line forming at the entrance to the part of the park that contains the Delacorte Theater.

I look up at the flags on the poles, blowing in the slight summer breeze and it hits me. I know why we're here.

"Shakespeare in the park," I say to myself.

Edward doesn't hear me over the noise of the crowd and we get in line. Edward's grip around my waist doesn't loosen. His fingers are snug against the jut of my hip bone while his other hand grips the handle of the picnic basket. I notice other couples in similar formations, holding bags and baskets and radios. I have a small clutch pocketbook, the only one I own (an Alice hand me down) with a thin strap on my shoulder. The air is warm and slightly humid even though it's starting to get dark. The streetlights have come on. I wiggle inside Edward's grip and attempt to shrug my arms out of my hoodie. He lets go of me so I can tie it around my waist but as soon as I'm done his arm is around me again. Without the hoodie his hand is flush against the bare sliver of skin that is separating my t-shirt from my jeans.

The line is moving quickly and soon we're at the front. Edward has been gently tracing over the dip in my hip with the pad of his thumb. I turn my head so I can see his profile. He's watching the line move.

We haven't said a word to each other since we left the apartment but the silence has been golden. I stared out the window on the cab ride over trying to ascertain where he was taking me by looking at the street signs zipping by. I knew better than to ask him again. Every time I looked at him, he looked at me and smiled.

I nudge Edward in the ribs with my elbow. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he's looking down at me smugly with raised eyebrows as if to say, Yesss?

I smirk. "Shakespeare in the park. You little sneak." The corner of my mouth lifts in a wry grin and a tight lipped smile spreads across his face. He turns his head and pulls me closer. My left shoulder is under his right armpit.

"It's the last night of this play. I thought you'd like it."

"I love it."

"I was fairly certain you would."

"And how's that?"

"You have every one of Shakespeare's plays on your bookshelf, with the exception of Richard the Third, which I suggest you acquire as soon as possible. Fate versus free will, the Machiavellian rise and fall of an anti-hero.. _Now is the winter of our discontent _and all that. _...My horse, my horse, my kingdom for a horse!!_"

Edward acts the last part out dramatically, his fist in the air and the emotion of a character actor on his face. The people behind us start clapping. Edward bows gracefully while I blush uncontrollably.

"Is there anything you _don't_ know?" I say through gritted teeth, slapping at his stomach.

"There's plenty. Just ask my father. He'll give you a laundry list." Edward chuckles and hands over the tickets as we enter the gate.

Delacorte Theater is a large semi-circular open air pavillion in the heart of Central Park. Edward takes me by the hand and leads the way through the crowd. The Great Lawn is packed with picnickers, people on blankets, some with ornate spreads of food and cheese and wine, others sitting on no blanket at all, just happy to be with each other holding hands on a warm summer night, one of the last days of August. The audience is bent in the shape of a horseshoe, the stage in the center of the round. Beyond that lay the shimmering lights of Turtle Pond. Perched above us on Vista Rock is Belvedere Castle. It's an exquisite sight that is only made more breathtaking by Edward's beauty passing through it. He is the perfect compliment to anything occasion.

He weaves us through the scenery and landscape with ease, guiding me around picnic blanket setups while we look for a space of our own. Soon we come to an open patch of grass on the hill overlooking the theater. It gives an uninterrupted view of the audience below and the play that will soon be coming to life before our eyes.

Edward spreads out a patchwork quilt and unpacks the basket, neatly arranging the wine and cheese and crackers. He pours a glass of chardonnay for each of us and cuts the blocks of mild cheddar and gruyere. I watch him and my heart is pounding.

He must notice the strain on my face that comes from being completely overwhelmed by my surroundings and environment; the faint sounds of violin music in the distance coupled with the contented sighs of people all around me, being here on a blanket with Edward, drinking wine, eating cheese, about to watch Shakespeare in Central Park. It's all too much.

"Is something wrong?" he asks, concern in his eyes. I couldn't think of something wrong if I tried. Except the brutally obvious. I want him to be mine. I want to be able to lay on a blanket in the grass and kiss him and it be alright. For one night can't it be the stuff that dreams are made of?

"Quite the opposite actually. This is so lovely, Edward. I'm overcome. Really I am. I can't thank you enough for bringing me here."

He raises his glass at me and I clink it with mine.

"The pleasure is mine, Bella."

He looks like he wants to say more and I'm about to press him but the stage lights come up and the music starts and the play begins.

We settle in on the blanket with our legs crossed indian-style. Edward's sitting behind me so I can see better. Every once in a while I reach my hand back to make sure he's still there and he'll catch it and squeeze it reassuringly. After the third time of me doing that he laces his fingers through mine and covers my hand with both of his.

We finish both bottles of wine before the end of the second act. I'm absolutely enthralled by the costumes and scenery and incredible acting. It only gets better as the play progresses. I know Much Ado About Nothing pretty well and can even recite some of the lines along with the players.

I'm not the only one.

"_Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps,_" Edward whispers into the back of my neck sending shivers up my spine.

"Hero," I mutter, lightheaded at Edward's breath on my skin. He scoots up until his knees are pressed into the small of my back. I lean back until my head touches his chin and I feel him breathing in the scent of my scalp.

"Hero and Ursula are plotting to trick Beatrice into believing Benedict loves her," Edward explains, even though I'm well aware how the story goes.

I twist my neck uncomfortably so I can see his face. The play is still going on but we're no longer looking at the stage. His eyes are hovering above mine and in the darkness they look like shiny eight balls. Our lips are inches apart. I can taste his acrid breath in my mouth. It's coming in short bursts.

"It's not a trick though. Because they're already in love with each other," I add.

He swallows and nods hesitantly, "They just don't know it yet." all it takes is one small movement downwards and his lips are on mine, softly, sweetly with no sense of urgency. Not crushing or desperate like that night at the subway. This time we're both expecting it.

My hand reaches back and finds its way into his hair. I'm coiled and contorted, wound around his body and pulling his head down so he can fill my mouth with his tongue. We lap and lick and savor how our saliva tastes when mixed with wine. His arms wrap around my stomach pulling and releasing the strength of their grasp and before I know it I'm in his lap with both of my arms tied around his neck. Tongue kisses give way to soft little pecks and we tease the tips of each others noses. Edward's smiling down into my face and I want to ask him why he has to be with someone. I want to know how much longer this is going to last. I wish I wasn't tipsy so I wouldn't care about ruining the mood with questions about his fidelity. But I'm a selfish girl and I'll take this moment any way I can get it.

**

**I've taken a few liberties with the set-up of the Delacorte Theater on the Great Lawn but I don't think it really matters ;p**

**Oh and I've updated a few things in my profile - which I will keep doing with each chapter.  
**

**Reviews are like a midsummer night's dream!!  
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	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks so much again for the reviews! I wish my responses were more eloquent ;p  
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**Sorry for any typos.  
**

**StephMey owns all things Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

I wake up and roll over to find my face buried in a field of strawberries. Light is pouring through the bedroom window but I'm too exhausted to open my eyes. Instead I snuggle deeper into the warm, fragrant nest of.........hair?

Scenes and images start flashing through my broken memory. _Bella's face in my hands, the audience erupting in a standing ovation, bright lights, tequila shots, dancing in the street, Bella laughing._

Bella.

I sit up like a bolt of lightning and a wave of nausea crashes over me. I groan and fight back the urge to hurl.

_Tequila shots, karaoke, gin and tonics, Bella laughing. Her hands on me._

I look down at the body lying next to me covered in a simple white sheet. Her hair is loose and splayed out on an oversized white pillow and her shoulders rise and fall as she breathes without a sound.

I blink exaggeratedly to make sure I'm not dreaming. But no, she's still there and she's an angel.

The sound of running water catches my attention and I pull myself to the edge of the bed. I'm about to put my feet to the floor when the cold chill of the AC hits my bare chest...and my bare legs....and my....

I squeeze my eyes shut and feel my way down my stomach praying that my fingers hit the elastic band of my boxer briefs. They do and I'm out of the bedroom and across the apartment in a flash. My head is spinning and I lunge for the bathroom door for support. I find my footing and reach to the sink. I shut the water off and stand there panting.

Holy shit.

_Tequila shots and dancing. Laughing and climbing stairs._

I examine my reflection in the mirror.

It's a freak show. I look like a carnival attraction. My hair is sticking straight up in all directions like I've been electrocuted for hours. I comb it down with my fingers but disobedient strands pop back up. My face is drained of all color except for the purple circles under my eyes and most noticeable of all...the residue of Bella's blood red lipstick smeared from the crescents of my upper lip to halfway down my chin.

"How the fuck…?" I ask myself, honestly expecting an answer from the dickhead in the mirror. _Well, asshole, you took a beautiful girl to the park and then took advantage of her somewhere. _

I sigh and jam my knuckles into my eyes, which only serves to intensify the hangover headache pulsing behind them. A nasty tasting, alcohol-filled burp erupts from my throat and I dry heave into the sink.

I swallow the bile back down and hang onto the sides with shaky hands.

It's time for a pep talk. I look at my reflection sternly.

"Ok, buddy, just relax. Take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. Don't panic. Everything is ok. These hallucinations are the result of a serious night of binge drinking. You've been here before. You need to go back to bed and sleep it off til _at least_ mid-afternoon and then you can call Bella and check in. I'm sure she's fine."

I splash water over my face and rinse my mouth out with Listerine. I shakily begin the walk back to the bedroom trying my best not to trip over shoes and discarded clothing along the way.

_Why are the couch cushions piled in the middle of the living room floor?_

That memory slowly bobs to the surface of my clouded brain.

_Oh right. The soldier fort. She was Pocahontas and I was Captain John Smith. _

It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. We were both far too drunk to find the lights in the apartment so we worked by the light of the moon streaming in through the sliding glass door on the balcony.

"_When you were a kid, who did you pretend to be?" _

"_Pocahontas,"_ she answered confidently.

"_Pocahontas, the Kings dearest daughter,"_ I recited, balancing on the back of the overturned couch and swinging the fire poker in the air.

"…_when no entreaty could prevail, got his head in her arms, and laid her own upon his to save him from death."_

I jumped feet first into the pile of cushions and pillows that Bella had built, destroying her measly fort with my brute strength.

She laughed and held her hands to her chest, gasping in fake surrender.

"_You're amazing. Do you know that?"_

"_Know what?"_ I grinned, kicking down the back wall of her fort and stacking the pillows under my head. I lay on my back in the rubble of our village. She crawled to me and lay across my stomach.

"..._That you're amazing."_

"_But _d_oesn't everyone have a favorite passage from 'The Generall Historie of Virginia, New England, and the Summer Isles'?"_

"_Stop it. You know what I mean."_

I conceded and ran my fingers through her long dark hair.

"…_I know what you mean." _I sighed. "_I know."_

I rub my eyes and look at the living room like it's a crime scene before I continue to the bedroom.

It's NOT a hallucination. She's still in the bed, wrapped in a sheet like a preserved porcelain doll. I need her to wake up. I need to explain this to her before she sees it on her own and freaks the fuck out.

I palm her shoulder and gently shake her.

"Bella. …Bella, wake up."

She moans low and kicks the sheet off her body. I move to politely look away, assuming we've done what I think we've done and that she's going to be naked underneath the covers. But she's still in her Bob Dylan tee and wearing a pair of my navy checkered boxers. I don't know whether to be relieved that she's dressed or terrified that she knew enough to put her clothes back on after we did what I fucking wish more than anything I could remember.

"Bella? Baby, I'm sorry to wake you but I think you should get up. We need to talk."

She comes to life under my hand, shifting her hips and fluttering her eyes.

"Oh god…my head." Her voice is pained and gravely.

"…Edward?" she calls out, disoriented.

I kneel down to her level and smooth her wet bangs from her sweaty forehead.

"I'm here, Bella." She turns slowly, wincing at the throbbing in her skull. She looks into my eyes and it takes a moment for her to process my face but when she does, she smiles.

"Hey you," she whispers stretching her arms over her head and pushing her feet to the foot of the bed.

She sits up on her elbows and looks around.

"Jesus Christ. What happened in here? Were you robbed?"

She sounds so serious that I can't help but laugh at her genuine concern at the possibility that intruders broke into the apartment during the night, tipped the couch over, built forts with pillows, ordered Chinese take-out, knocked over the barstools, and left opened bottles of booze and wine on the counter.

"Yeah those robbers could have at least put their glasses in the sink when they were done and thrown out their empties. How rude. …No actually I think _we_ did this."

I put my chin on the mattress and look up at her through the tops of my eyes.

Her jaw drops. "Oh god." She slides her legs under the blankets. "…did we…?"

I sit on the bed next to her and put my hands between my knees. She's staring at an invisible spot on the wall.

"It's possible. …We got pretty fucked up last night."

"…yeah."

"I don't see any condom wrappers though."

"Shit. Maybe we didn't use one."

"You should go to the bathroom and see if there's any…y'know."

What exactly am I suggesting? That she go check for my dried cum between her thighs?

"Could you help me?"

As if she'd ever need to ask me for my help.

Without question I lift her up and place her feet on the floor. She slides her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest. I put my arm around her and lean her weight against my side. We shuffle slowly towards the bathroom. I know she sees the mess we created as we walk to the other side of the apartment but she says nothing.

"I'll wait out here for you," I promise. She nods and closes the bathroom door.

It feels like an eternity but it finally opens again and she emerges, blushing at what she had to do to examine if I'd been there.

"…Well?" I ask, opening my arms. She steps towards me and I fold myself around her knowing that we're about to be very candid with each other.

"Did you…_find_ anything?"

"Like what, Edward? A used condom stuffed up my hole?" she snorts. I rest my chin on the top of her head and hug her tight.

"I meant like any bleeding. Are you in pain…down there?"

"You think you're that good huh? Tore me to pieces, didya?"

I sigh deeply and feel her smiling against my bare chest. Such a sarcastic girl. "Fine then. How else can we tell if we had sex?"

"Can we think about it later? I don't feel so good." She's getting the tremors and for the first time it hits me how tiny she truly is and how much we must have drank last night. I hoist her in my arms and cradle her into the crook of my neck, her mouth resting above my collarbone.

"Thank you, Edward," she says weakly as I carry her to the bedroom. I place her on my side of the bed and pile the pillows under and behind her head. I draw the sheet and comforter over her small frame and she curls into the fetal position, her hands tucked under her chin.

Pushing my own nausea and aches to the side, I concentrate on taking care of Bella. I set a glass of water and a can of ginger ale on the bedside table, stick a few pieces of bread in the toaster, and get out of her way when she runs to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. When she calls out to me I'm there to hold her hair back. When she's done I take the towel and wipe the tears from her eyes and flush the toilet so she doesn't have to look at it before carrying her back to bed only to do it over again fifteen minutes later.

When she's finally purged her body to exhaustion, she falls into a restless sleep in the middle of the bed. To avoid disturbing her I drag the Barcelona chair in from the living room and grab a blanket.

**BPOV**

"_Who did you pretend to be when you were a kid?"_

"_John Lennon."_

The soft subtle sound of a guitar pulls me from my coma-like state. I'm lying on my stomach with my arms crossed under the pillow. I open my eyes but I can't tell the difference in perception from when they were closed. The lovely strumming continues. It sounds like it's coming from close by. Edward must have the stereo on in the living room.

Edward.

_Bella. Baby, I need you to wake up._

I remember waking up the first time this morning to the heavenly sight of Edward standing by my side in nothing but a pair of gray boxer briefs. I thought I was dreaming until the sledgehammer hit me in the back of the head and I spent the rest of the day racing between the bed and the toilet.

Edward has great calves. And thighs. His bare body was just what I hoped it would be and more than I remembered. His stomach is flat and defined with a light brown trail of hair leading from his navel down into his shorts. His chest is perfectly sculpted and his shoulders and arms are muscled and strong. What I hadn't noticed the first time – probably because I was too busy pinning him down and dry-raping him - are the sprinklings of freckles and beauty marks that are dotted across his smooth skin.

"Edward?" I croak into the darkness.

"Hmm?" He's closer than I thought. His seductive voice is coming from the shadows I'm facing but I can't see him.

He's humming a melodic tune as he plays.

"What time is it?" My throat is raw and sore.

"Six-thirty. I closed the curtains to keep the light out."

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"Mm, about seven hours."

"Straight?"

"More or less." He stops playing and I hear him put the guitar down.

"You woke up a few times so I could give you ibuprofen." His weight presses down on the mattress and I can smell the alcohol and sweat residue on his skin. He hasn't showered.

"Hey didn't you say you had freshman orientation today?" I scratch my scalp and pull a hair band from my wrist.

"Mmhm."

"When was it?"

"This afternoon. From three to five."

"Did you go?"

He chuckles. "No I didn't go, Bella. Who was going to look after you?"

I bolt up to a sitting position. His face comes in to view. Fuck off he's gorgeous.

"What?!" I yelp_. Ow fuck that hurt my head_. "Edward, why did you do that?! You should have gone! You could have left me here."

"Stoppit, Bella," he blows the idea off. "That was not an option."

I flop back to the mattress. "You missed your orientation because of me."

"To _take care_ of you."

"I feel terrible."

"Do you need to throw up again?"

"Ugh no I mean I feel terrible that you were forced to stay here all fucking day and miss your first school function of the year."

"I wasn't _forced_ to do anything. I wanted to stay." His hand finds the top of my head. He takes the hair band and smoothes my hair back. Gathering it at my neck he pulls the band around once, twice and tightens it.

"What did you do all day while I was asleep? You must have been bored out of your mind."

"Mm, not really. I fell asleep in the chair for a little while, until you started calling out for me…"

"I was calling out for you?" I cringe. _Greaaat. I was hoping that would be the way Edward found out I talked in my sleep._

"Uh huh," he continues, unfazed. "Then I wrote a song."

"Is that what you were playing before?"

"Yeah."

"Can you play it for me?"

"Now?"

"Yes now. It's Friday night. You can pretend you're at open mike."

"For my audience of one," he smiles and kisses my forehead. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Bella."

He gets up and returns with his guitar. He flips on the small lamp on the bedside table. I notice that he's changed his clothes since I fell asleep, into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a plain white tee. Still barefoot. Still deadly.

"I should warn you, it's not very good," he prefaces, sitting down next to me. "It will probably sound better on piano. And it's really long. I've been writing it for five hours."

"Edward shut up and play." I roll my eyes and lay back against the headboard. He chuckles and shakes his head.

"I'll play low in case your head is still hurting..."

"Edward PLAY!!"

"I'm just trying to be courteous! Ok fine...here goes..."

I am your secret babe  
Watch me unfold  
Dancing in these streets so late  
nobody knows  
nobody knows us

His fingers fumble in a few places as he plays by the light of a small table lamp. He blushes and closes his eyes when he trips over his words. The lyrics are startling and raw, the product of too much booze and not enough rest, but they're also personal and honest, always honest to the point where I find myself unable to look at him at certain points.

and i don't remember falling asleep  
must have been holding on tight  
and all i can think of and all i can dream  
is dancing with you in red lights

The room falls into an awkward silence as the vibration of the last chord fades away. I feel like I should say something but my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid I might cry at the sound of my own voice in comparison to the way his has just filled the room.

"Edward, I..." I pull my hands away from my mouth so he can hear me. He's staring down at his bare feet crossed at the ankles. He sets his guitar against the nightstand and slides his hands between his thighs. "...That was magical. Thank you."

Fuck it. I lean over and kiss him on the lips. He smiles into my mouth and palms my cheeks.

"You're very welcome."

"...I think I'm ready to get up now."

He nods and gives me his hands.

**

We're sitting on the floor in the living room watching old movies on cable. I feel around in my mouth and lip. Some things are missing.

"Where's my..." I stick my tongue out at him and bite at the hole in my bottom lip.

"Your face jewelry?" he laughs. "On the bathroom sink. You were scrubbing your mouth and tongue so hard with the towel every time you threw up that you asked me to take them out before you ripped them out completely."

"Oh yeah. I kinda remember that. I also remember you singing karaoke somewhere last night."

"Ugggh," he groans. "Yeah I do that sometimes. Everything is such a blur. How many bars did we go to after we left Central Park?"

"No idea. Several?"

"I can't believe we made it back here in one piece. ….What was I singing?"

"Rhinestone Cowboy. Then you did an homage to Michael Jackson. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough brought the house down, I think."

"How. fucking. embarrassing." He drops his head in his hands and crawls them up through his hair.

"No way. You sounded amazing."

"You're way too nice to me, Bella. I don't deserve it."

"Shut up. ...I really need a shower. It's like eight at night and I'm grossing myself out."

"Are you hungry?"

"Starved."

"Take out?"

"Definitely." Obviously I'm staying over again. "Edward I am so sorry this is how you're spending your Friday night."

"I'm not dignifying that with an answer," he rolls his eyes. "Now what do you want for dinner?"

_You. On a plate. With extra hot sauce. _

"Are you blushing at the thought of food?"

"No. I'm just flushed from...being sick. ...Get me something greasy, with fries."

"You got it. I'll order while you shower."

**

Edward told me I could wear anything of his that's clean.

I race from the bathroom to the bedroom while he's at the door paying the Better Burger delivery boy.

Alone in the bedroom, nearly freed of my hangover and with a clearer head, I can finally process the fact that I am in their bedroom, whether Edward refers to it as such or not. It's where he sleeps, and where he sleeps - or has slept because I'm not entirely sure what's going on with them - with _her_.

I press my palm down on my lower abdomen, the fleshy part of my pelvis right above my pubic bone.

I haven't had sex in awhile, not since the last time with Jake six months ago, so me and my lady parts know the difference between waking up on a regular morning and waking up on a 'morning after'.

I was too ill and miserable this morning to know what I was feeling. Everything hurt. Everything ached. I couldn't tell if the throb between my legs was from yet another night of my body's unending want for Edward inside me or the result of its actual occurrence. Welcome back memories of senior year frat parties and the ever popular walk of shame.

I didn't want to alarm Edward until I was in a better frame of mind to know for sure if there were signs that we fucked like rabbits.

Then, in the shower, I washed my hair and body with his products – no way in hell I was coming out smelling like her. I stuck my hand between my legs and started feeling around. I began on the outside of my folds, pressing lightly with the pads of my first two fingers. I bit my bottom lip. How could I be sure? I spread myself open and slid my middle finger in slow.

Shit.

I pulled out and grabbed the small mirror hanging from the shower rack. I bent over and angled it between my legs for a better look around.

There was a tiny bruise developing on the inside of my thigh where my butt cheek meets my leg and where the identical place on Edward would have slapped together during intercourse.

I press on it and wince.

It's tender.

Shit.

The jury had reached a decision.

This was a 'morning after'.

**

**There's still more to this but the chapter was getting pretty long and I'm trying to keep the updates coming.**

**Much love in my profile to Joe Purdy - once again the inspiration for Edward's songs.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**This is a long one (hehehe). The talk and more Bella POV and some other stuff thrown in for good measure :p **

**Big thanks to those of you hanging in there with this story.  
**

**S (dot) Meyer is the owner of Twilight.**

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**BPOV**

After scouring through the walk-in closet filled with dress suits, skirts, and blouses with various designer labels attached, I move to the massive dresser that takes up the entire ajoining wall of the bedroom. I start at the top, opening each drawer and quickly closing it when I see it contains more items of hers. One dedicated to pantyhose, one to dress socks, one to casual socks, one to garters and thongs (I slam that one shut and hold back a dry heave), one long drawer is filled with sweaters (mostly cashmere I'm sure), the next is khakis (womens khaki's? How very L.L. Bean) and jeans sorted by wash. The very last drawer at the bottom holds Edward's small stash of t-shirts, jeans, socks, and underwear all stuffed in together in a mish-mash of unkempt. A wave of relief washes over me. Edward's things equals normalcy. I drop the fluffy towel from my body and pull a wrinkled Hanes tee over my head, inhaling his scent and sliding back into the worn, navy boxers of his that I slept in. Something about wearing Edward's clothes comforts me - they don't smell like laundry detergent and they don't smell like they need to be washed. They smell like they were pulled straight off his body after being dipped in his scent.

"Here's your weird tofurky burger." Edward makes a face and hands me a china plate with a paper box on top. "Enjoy that." I open and examine the small bun with the even smaller odd-colored patty and limp piece of lettuce between it. I frown and carry it to the couch.

"It's the only place that delivers this far uptown," he explains, seeing my less than thrilled reaction at the food selection, even though food is the last thing on my mind.

"If it makes you feel any better, look at what they consider a 'hot-dog.' I've seen better specimens on appetizer platters at dinner parties."

I want to laugh at him, he's so cute and he's trying so hard to make me comfortable here, I know that, but I'm too distracted by how to bring up my bathroom discovery. He senses something's up, I can tell.

He brings his plate over and stands a safe distance from the couch.

"…What's wrong?"

"I think we should talk about what happened last night."

His face instantly drains of color and a look of terror crosses his eyes. He sits down tentatively without looking at what he's sitting on.

"Ok."

We put our plates on the coffee table. I pull him closer and put his hands in my lap. I take a deep breath and I swear I feel his hands shaking under mine.

"It's not uncommon, y'know," I begin, my mouth suddenly parched.

His lips part. "Uh. What's not?"

"Unprotected sex."

He shakes his head adamantly, unwilling to entertain the idea that we did something so irresponsible. "I always wear a condom, Bella. _Always._ Drunk sex or not. Son of a doctor, remember? It's ingrained in me. If there was _one_ conversation Carlisle Cullen, M.D. wouldn't let me walk out of when I was a teenager, it was his well-rehearsed, fact-filled, threat-tinged discussion and PowerPoint presentation on the importance of safe sex."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

His eyes grow wide at the realization that I'm not kidding around.

"Are you saying that's what happened?"

I shift uncomfortably. My groin area feels like I just did two hours on the stationary bike.

"I know you were teasing me about it earlier, but…" It pains him to say it. "I hurt you, didn't I?"

I exhale deeply and ponder ripping the boxers down and bending over in his face so he can see for himself. He's staring at my crotch in horror.

"Let's just say that I wish to _God_ I could remember last night, because these bruises couldn't possibly be the result of an unpleasant experience."

"Bruises," he repeats. His eyes bore into mine. "I left bruises on you."

"It wasn't date rape, Edward. I'm sure _I_ threw myself at _you_…_again_." I roll my eyes, exasperated by my admission. "It's becoming a habit. If you hadn't figured it out by now, I'm pretty fucking horny for you at all times."

I want him to laugh at my pitiful attempt to lighten the mood or at least enjoy the compliment that I'm trying to bestow. Instead his eyes are searching my face and down my throat, tracing their way down my arms and legs to my knees and feet, anywhere where there's bare skin. _He's looking for marks._ He jerks his hand out to touch me but thinks again and puts it in his lap.

"I never meant for this to happen, Bella. I need you to believe me. I'm not that guy. I would _never_ set out to do that, to get you drunk and have sex with you like that. Never never _never_."

He drops to his knees and pushes himself between my legs piously as though he were praying to me. I rush my hands to his hair.

"I know that, Edward. And I'm not insinuating that you did."

He takes both my hands in his and squeezes them tightly.

"You say you know, but do you _really_ know that? Because I see how this looks and I never want to be anything but honest with you, Bella," he says softly, pleading with me to believe him.

"You're being too hard on yourself, Edward. I don't think you have any ulterior motives. I don't think you drugged me or got me drunk or took me out for an amazing night under the stars as a clever rouse to get me back to your apartment and into bed. Not that I would put up much of a fight - horny for you, remember? - but in this case I think it's something that just happened that we didn't plan. You've always been honest with me. I've never questioned that."

He shakes his head in frustration and tugs at me desperately.

"No, no. I mean, _yes_ _I have_ but that's not what I'm trying to say."

He squeezes his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

"Ugghh, what _am_ I trying to saaaayyyyyyy???" he growls at himself and takes a deep, cleansing breath in an effort to gather his thoughts. He looks me square in the eyes and a shudder rushes through me. It's unnerving to have those emerald orbs focused on nothing else in the world but you.

"Listen, Bella. We probably should have had this conversation weeks ago but I was too much of a pussy to rock the boat. I liked hanging out with you far too much to jeopardize it in any way, plus I hate talking about her, it's such a buzzkill...however, since I have no intention of letting you go, now's as good a time as any."

_Um....Huh?_ He leans back on his heels and waits for me to assure him it's ok to continue. I smile weakly and nod. He takes another deep breath.

"Before I came to New York I was prepared to accept the fact that Victoria was the only one for me. Everyone back home told me we were meant for each other and they did it so fucking convincingly that for a long time I believed it too. My parents were over the moon when they found out we were dating. I'm surprised they didn't have us set up from birth. I won't go into detail, but it all fit. Our families fit. Our money fits. It makes sense. For years I told myself that I loved her because I couldn't think of a reason not to…other than the fact that I _didn't_, but I chalked that up to being young and nit-picky and since I didn't have any idea what love was anyway, I just went with it.

"I also, to use my father's favorite phrase when it comes to describing his only son, _lack direction_. To him the best thing I ever did was land a girl like Victoria. The straight A's didn't matter because the arrests negated those. Then on the night of my high school graduation she broke up with me for her college professor. My father was devastated. He had a huge fight with her father in our dining room while I went onto my balcony and smoked pot with my sister. The next day I was on a plane to South America. When I came home a year later she had graduated and was back in Forks weighing her options. I didn't call or try to get in touch with her, I pretended like I didn't even know she was back until one day I came home from class and she was sitting in my living room laughing and drinking wine with my parents. I moved to climb the staircase and she ran at me and jumped in my arms like a soldier home from war. She then proceeds to tell me that she accepted a job in New York City and wants me to come with her. So I had two options - Community college in Forks with my elitist parents or free apartment in Manhattan with my ex ex-girlfriend?"

"Why are you telling me this?" I'm not trying to be rude or minimize the personal shit he just unloaded but this is getting way deeper than I anticipated.

"Because I met you," he says simply. "It was entirely by accident, much like what happened last night, but nonetheless when it _did_ happen everything changed for me."

He starts chuckling at the cheesiness of it all. "It's like the plot of a bad Woody Allen film - - stranger in town meets amazing girl that he falls for the second he lays eyes on her, but the reality of his life and what's brought him to town won't allow him to pursue what any sane man would be chomping at the bit to get to. So he suffers through a friendship with her that will never be enough for him, that will never fully satisfy him because what he wants from her is so much more than he has any right to have."

_Whoa. _There's a big difference between hoping it and wishing it and actually hearing the fucking words escape his full, open mouth! Holy shitting Christ did he really just say that he _fell_ for me??? Fell _over_ me, yes. But fell _for_ me??!!!

I put up a finger to indicate that I'd like to speak. He politely concedes and I push the words out in stutter steps.

"You…fell…for me?"

He nods without hesitation. The beauty and sincerity in his face is amplified by the confidence with which he answers my question.

"Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, Bella, just like I shouldn't have told you the second day I met you that I was developing feelings for you five minutes after I told you I had a girlfriend. I'm not being fair, but I'm not in control. I give up. You've stirred emotions in me that I didn't think existed and when they bubbled up it was new and exciting and I liked it and was high on it and I wanted it again and again. I couldn't wait for my next chance to see you so I could have that feeling. …Am I making any sense?"

I grin dumbly. He's blowing me away right now.

He shoves his hands in his hair and pulls at it, mumbling to himself. "I'm fucking selfish, Bella. I knew I wasn't going to be able to move on once I found you."

We sit in silence for a few moments looking at each other. He's sitting on his legs but he brings them out from under him and pulls his knees to his chin. I can't stand the small distance separating us any longer so I slide off the couch to the space in front of him and mimic his position.

"It's ok," I say. "I'm glad you told me how you felt about me. It turned out to be the same way I felt..._feel_ about you. Funny, innit?"

I was hoping my declaration would make him blush. Instead he's silent and contemplative, staring at me like he's plotting his next move.

"I have nothing of my own to offer you, Bella."

There's disappointment in his voice. Does he honestly think he's not good enough for me? _Look around, Edward. Now think about where I live._ I take his hand and bring his fingertips to my lips. I don't kiss them, I just hold them there.

"I'm not her, Edward. You're enough for me."

The sound of my phone ringing brings us back to earth. By the time I locate the sound and reach under the couch to pull my bag out I've missed the call.

"It was Alice. Great. She's probably freaking out."

"You can take it on the balcony if you'd like," he offers with a smile. He gets up and walks to the panel on the wall and presses the dimmer switch and the outside lights go on. He holds the sliding door open and I brush his hand as I step out. He leaves the door open and goes back inside. I watch him return to our spot and start picking at his fries.

I hit redial. Alice picks up on the first ring and in mid-rant.

"…Bell??! Where the hell are you? I've been calling you like _crazy_. I went by your place when I got back from Greenwich and you weren't there, then I come into work tonight and Donovan says you called out for the weekend?? You NEVER miss open mike. Is everything alright? Are you sick?"

"I'm fine, Al. I'm better than fine. …I'm at Edward's."

"What?! What the fuck are you doing there? And _where's he_?"

"He's here, you lunatic," I laugh into the open air. "He took me to Shakespeare in the Park last night and we went bar-hopping and came back to his place and drank and ordered Chinese food and had sex. I don't remember the last three things but I saw the evidence when I woke up this morning. Anyway, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Hold the _fuck_ on Isabella Marie!!! You fucking _WHAT_?! You _slept_ with him??!!! Come ON, Bella! This is getting pathetic and it has to stop! This is the second time you've done some stupid shit like this with him! How many times do I have to tell you he has a _girlfriend!_ That means he's off limits!! But you don't listen. You're going to get hurt."

I'm silent while she blows her top. I'm used to it. This is a typical Alice knee-jerk reaction and I love her for it. She'll calm down in three, two…

"…And if you're going to fool around with him at least be coherent enough to fucking _enjoy it_!! That boy is TOO FINE to keep using your imagination."

"Yes, ma'am, you can stop yelling at me now."

The sun has set and the wind is picking up sending a chill up my spine and flooding my arms in goosebumps. Or maybe it's not the wind after all. It's Edward behind me with his hands on my shoulders and his soft, wet lips on my neck. We're standing at the railing overlooking the picturesque cityscape stretched out below us. His fingers walk along the nape of my neck and find the edge of my red ribbon tattoo. He traces it with his fingernail and leans in for a closer look.

"This is so sexy," he mutters to himself but I can hear the lust tinging his words. His moist breath wafts across my exposed skin. If he was looking for my attention he sure as shit got it.

"I'll talk to you more about this later, ok Al? I gotta go," I rush breathlessly as Edward's arms wind their way around my waist and slip under the front of my shirt.

I can still hear her yammering and bitching me out as I clap the phone shut.

Edward pulls my back against his chest and nuzzles his face into the hair behind my ear.

"Your food's getting cold," he hums sexily, his thumbs following along the underside of my rib cage. His touch send sparks of electricity through me and a flash of what his hands felt like on my body last night whips through my memory. As fast as it's there, it's gone.

"She's right, y'know."

"Mm? Who is?" he mumbles, the tips of his fingers ghosting invisible drawings over my forearms. My arm hairs bristle and my entire body tenses under his touch. I want him. I want this boy so bad.

"Alice." I blurt out.

"Hmm and what was that? I wasn't eavesdropping. What did she say?"

"She said that we can't keep doing this." I turn around in his arms and gesture my index finger between our bodies. "This. What we're doing right now. This thing where you hold me and smile at me and I go weak in the knees and will do anything for you." He rolls his eyes and pulls me tighter against him and I feel his hard bulge pressing into my thigh. The thought that that bulge was pulsing inside me last night brings tears to my eyes.

"It's not fair," I whine into his chest. "I had you. I had you last night and it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. I feel like I'm in college all over again, going to bars and forcing myself to get drunk enough so I'll have the nerve to go after the boy I like. It's so juvenile. Alice is right."

"She's not right."

"She is. It's pointless." The tears are spilling down my cheeks – not tears of anger or pain but tears of sheer frustration and powerlessness.

"I came out here to be with her, Bella."

Flames of anger dart up from my stomach into my throat.

"I fucking know that, okay," I lurch away from him roughly, shoving my hands into his muscled chest and pushing him hard. He takes a step back with the force of my blow. "What the _fuck_ am I doing here then? Huh!? Why do you keep coming around the club? And calling me? And making friends with my friends? And doing all these things to make me fall for you? Why did you just tell me all that shit about me stirring fucking emotions in you and shit!? Why would you say those things?? Why did you take me out last night and do something so romantically _me_, something that you knew I would love? Why even bother?"

I'm yelling directly into his face but from the other end of the balcony now. The sobs are overtaking my body and I reach to the railing for support.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone?" I beg without turning to look at him. I don't want to see his reaction at my outburst. My defenses have finally come crashing down. My cries echo around us in the open night air and fall towards the city below. I don't want to be strong anymore.

I don't want to be friends.

"You didn't let me finish," he responds. I sense him standing directly behind me without having heard him bridge the distance between us created by my freak out. My skin bristles at his proximity. It's a natural reaction whenever he is near.

"Bella? Will you turn around and look at me? Please?"

I shake my head no but he keeps saying please. I obey his small wish and pivot on the ball of my foot until I am facing him. He looks down on me and puts his hands on my face, running the pads of his thumbs under my eyes to smear away the tears.

"I came out here to be with her," he repeats, and I'm ready to fucking puke.

"...but I found you instead."

The desire to kiss him, to touch him, to hold him, to feel the strength and potential of his body together with mine is overpowering. He's the most amazing creature I've ever laid eyes on and every minute that we are not together, that he is not inside me, that I am not around him, is the most brutal form of torture. I can't go on this way much longer.

"Edward, you can't say things like that to me."

"It's the truth. I'll only ever tell you the truth."

"I know that but I can't think straight when you talk to me like that. I don't think you understand what you do to me."

He cocks his head to the side and his mouth turns up in a grin.

"See? You're doing it again. You make me weak," I whisper breathlessly. He nods and kisses my forehead with purpose. He moves his lips down the side of my face, over my cheek and the tip and bridge of my nose before landing chastely on my eager open mouth. I suck his tongue inside instantly and without warning. He squeaks at my sudden aggression but reciprocates without hesitation. I grind my lips against his and plunge my tongue deep into his warmth. My hands wind behind his head and clasp together roughly pulling him down to me, closer, always closer. His arms hug me tight and our chests are smashed together. He lifts me off the ground, my legs dangling limply an inch above the concrete.

"I like you, Bella. I like you alot. More than alot. More than I know how to handle." He tries to pull away but I won't let him.

"Are you going to tell her what happened?" I ask into his kisses.

"It's the right thing to do," he mumbles into my mouth.

"She's going to go nuts."

"She won't care." He's so sure of that statement that my mouth falls open in astonishment and I shove him away for the second time that night.

"You don't expect me to believe that, do you? How can your girlfriend of five years – I know I know, on and off but whatfuckingever – how can_ any_ woman lucky enough to call you their own, to fucking introduce you as their _boyfriend, _not fight kicking and screaming to keep you? You're beautiful and smart...and and gorgeous and..."

"That's the same as beautiful," he winks.

"You know what I mean, Edward. How can she not feel a possession over you, an ownership...an an...?" My hands flap around my face, I'm flustered and at a loss for words yet he smiles and helps me out.

"The answer is simple, bonita. ...She's not you." I collapse on him again and shake my forehead into his breastbone in disbelief.

"I guess I'm never going to understand." He strokes my hair and holds me.

"Lots of men find Victoria very attractive. She leads a high-profile life filled with lavish events, dinners, and cocktail parties - all attended by wealthy executives, mostly male. Knowing them gets her what she wants - connections, clients, status, success. It's the life she's always wanted, it's the life she's been preparing for since I've known her."

"You're not threatened by that? That she's being wined and dined and who knows what else?"

"How do I make you understand this fucked up situation I'm in?" he sighs and inhales the scent of the top of my hair.

"Our families are the wealthiest in the Pacific Northwest. Decisions, business and personal, are made based on how it affects the family. Kind of like the mafia," he snerks. "We resigned ourselves to the fact that we'd end up together, so why not have fun? I guess you could call it an 'open relationship'. Even when we were officially broken up we knew we'd have to eventually get back together, because that's what was best. ...We're like each others back-up quarterbacks. It's always been that way. Coming out here was our last chance to grow up."

"That is _so. fucked. up_."

"Don't I fucking know it."

"You. A back-up." I snort and push my head deeper into his chest, my fingers gripping his shoulders. There can't be a better looking man on earth than Edward Cullen.

"Now it's my turn to ask a question," he frees my hair from the constraints of the hairband he put it in earlier and lets it flow over my shoulders. A few strands are picked up by the breeze and his shimmering eyes follow their path as they dance around my face.

"Do _you_ have any idea how beautiful you are, Isabella?"

My knees buckle and I grip onto his elbows for support. The balcony lights throw gold across our skin and he basks in it like an angel from heaven. I'm dumbfounded by his otherworldliness and the way the shadows dip and find ways to make his sharp features even more striking.

"Y-you've never called me Isabella before."

"It's more intimate, don't you think?"

"Yes," I barely manage to eke out.

"I don't want to be a confusion in your life, Isabella, and I fear that's what I've become. But I'm too involved now. The only way I can leave you alone is if you tell me you don't want to see me again."

"You know I can't do that."

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"No."

"Will you come back inside with me?"

I nod and he holds the door open for me to pass through.

Back inside we resume our positions on the living room floor and start picking at our plates. The television is muted and we stare blankly at the silent commercials. My mind is replaying the events of the past few hours in my head over and over again - - Edward's confessions and declarations, his unending honesty and openness, his cupid's bow lips and dimples, the beauty mark in his hairline and at the nape of his neck, the way he bends and flexes his toes while he watches TV, the ripples of his abs through his tee, the bend of muscles running down the length of his arms, his perfect legs, his two-day old stubble, his breath in my hair, his hum in my ear.

The only illumination in the apartment is the light shining in from the city outside our window. We finish eating and Edward takes both of our plates to the kitchen, tossing the trash in the stainless steel bin and putting the plates in the sink. The museum clock on the wall says 11pm and I feel the fatigue start to settle back in my bones. I stretch out on the couch and look over the leather arm at Edward cleaning up. He's rinsing out the sponge and running it over the surface of the counter, humming to himself. He washes the few plates and glasses and puts them in the wire drying rack. My heart lurches towards him as I watch him perform these simple every day tasks. It's a severe, agonizing, deep-seeded want and it's alive in me. I know now that I'll do anything to be with him including what I once told myself I'd never do for a man.

I'll wait for him.

He turns and catches me staring.

"Hey," he smiles. "I thought you fell asleep."

"No I was just watching you." A blush colors his cheeks and he runs his hand through the side of his hair.

"Um, I'm gonna jump in the shower. Can I get you anything?"

I smile and shake my head. "No thanks."

"Ok. I'll be quick." He shuffles to the bathroom pulling his shirt over his head with one arm as he closes the door.

**

Pulling the covers down on the unmade bed, I climb in on Edward's side and sit up against the headboard. From my vantage point I can see through the living room and down the hall to the closed bathroom door. The second I hear the latch click and the door open I slump to the mattress and roll on my side facing the opposite wall. The patter of his feet gets louder as he grows closer and my stomach is a field of butterflies. I hear him enter the room and drape something over the chair, his towel perhaps. _Oh god his towel._ The room is filled with his fresh, clean scent - the same scent I washed in this morning. There is no other noise in the room except for his breathing and the rustling of his body against the sheets as he sits on the edge of the bed. His hand moves up the length of my spine starting at the small of my back and traveling in a smooth, slow straight line to the middle of my shoulders. I move into his touch and turn my head to look at him.

Fuck.

He's wearing flannel pajama bottoms and nothing else. Beads of water are clinging to his bare skin like diamonds. His hair is damp and combed back around his ears. His emerald eyes are bright and shining down on me. He's brushed his teeth - I can smell the minty freshness on his breath.

"I was hoping you'd still be awake." His voice is low and gruff and chills instantly spread across my arms. "This is my side of the bed."

"Oh yeah? I guess you're going to have to move me." I bite my bottom lip and pull it into my mouth to taunt him. He raises his eyebrow in response to my challenge and pushes me flat against the mattress like a lion pawing his prey.

"You really shouldn't have said that," he growls, lifting his leg over and resting his full weight on my lower abdomen. His knees pin my hips in a vice-like grip.

"My clothes look they belong on you," he remarks without looking at me, instead watching his fingers play around with the hem of the Hanes undershirt I have on. He lifts it up past my belly button and traces the space between it and the thick elastic waistband of his boxers. I giggle and slap his hand away, pushing the shirt back down.

"Ticklish, huh?" a devilish look crosses his eyes and I know I'm in trouble. "Now _that's_ going to be your downfall." In an instant his hands are attacking my sides and I'm doubled over with shrieking laughter as he holds me down and races his deft fingers up and down my sides. I cry out and thrash, pounding his biceps with my fists and trying to kick him off me. My feeble attempts are no match for his brute strength so I do the only thing I can. I summon all my energy and channel it to my weak abs. Lifting myself up from the mattress I lunge forward and push him over, toppling on top of him and tangling our legs in the sheets and blankets.

Gasping through my bursts of laughter mixed with hiccups, I sit on his rib cage and attempt to catch my breath. My hands are clasped around his wrists and pinned at his side. If he wanted to he could easily flip me off him and bounce me right off the bed, but he doesn't move.

"This could get interesting," I pant, gusts of my breath washing over his face and blowing through the errant strands of his hair lying damp on his forehead.

"....I want to kiss you so fucking bad," he says without wavering. There's not one ounce of doubt or uncertainty in his voice. It's not shaking or stuttered. It's a firm absolute statement treated as fact and I lean down and give in to him. I release his wrists and let his hands find their way down my sides and over my hips. He grips me right below my ass cheeks and jerks me up, slamming my mouth into his. I grind down on his stomach and claw my fingers through his hair, pulling hard and causing him to groan into my open mouth. He tries to lift his head to meet my lips but I have him pinned to the pillows, owning him and guiding his movements underneath me. He overpowers me and manages to prop himself on his elbows and wind a hand through my hair to yank me back roughly, exposing my neck for him to lick and taste. I moan and shimmy my lower body around until I find the hardness of his erection. I rub its length between my legs and he gasps, dropping his forehead to my shoulder.

"Jesus Christ, Bella." His ab muscles strain and flex to hold himself in the half-sitting position. I run my hand between his pecs and down his toned stomach.

"Lay back down," I murmur, still grinding him through the thin confines of the fabric that separates us.

"We don't have to do this," he groans desperately. "Do you want to stop? Bella? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...you can stop...I won't..."

"I don't want to stop, Edward. You don't need to let me off the hook."

"Ok, I just...I don't want you to regret this." There's fear in his eyes and he grips my chin between his fingers.

"I can't be in this bed with you and just sleep."

"Maybe I should sleep on the couch," he offers mildly.

"If that's what you want." I sigh and run my fingers through the knots in my tangled hair. Alice would kill me if she knew what I was doing.

"It's not what I want, Bella. If _any_ of this was going the way I wanted our first time together would never have been in a black hole that neither of us remembers."

"…Well, that's why we should re-enact what we_ think_ happened last night and get it over with," I laugh and cover my eyes with my arms, embarrassed that I even said that out loud.

"Don't tempt me, Bella. ...Dammit. You don't know what it does to me to hear you say those things. We could never take it back."

"I wouldn't want to take it back."

"C'mere." He takes my arms and pulls me down next to him so we're laying on our sides facing nose to nose. "Hey pretty," he smiles, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. We stay like that for awhile, just laying and looking and touching and being. Every few moments he leans in and kisses me sweetly. "I'm so sorry," he whispers against my lips.

"What for?" I whisper back.

"I'd do everything different if I could do this over again. I'd do right by you, Bella."

"Edward?"

"Mmm."

"I need to come clean about something."

"...Um. Ok," He props up on one elbow and puts his head in his hand. "Will it require a trip to the free clinic afterwards?"

"No," I roll my eyes and smile. "It's my turn to be as honest with you as you were with me. I want you to know that I don't have the wrong idea about us and whatever we are or aren't. I'm aware of what's going on and I'm not deluding myself into thinking you're going to break up with her for someone you just met. I know it's more complicated than that – nothing is ever that easy. I know you don't want to lie to me and, regardless of what's happened between us in the past twenty-four hours, I know you're not a cheater."

His breathing is hitching in his throat and I can tell the words I am saying are having a profound affect on him.

"That being said - I think it's time that I took my rightful place in the circle of responsibility."

"If you say so, but I don't see…"

"Edward please let me finish."

"Sorry." He whirls his long fingers around for me to continue.

"You think that because you're in a relationship that you're somehow more to blame if things turn out badly, but I have just as much a part in this as you and, Edward…that night when you showed up at my apartment…"

"Bella stop."

"…and you stayed over because you were too drunk to go home…"

"Bella."

"…I took advantage of you and of the situation…"

"I told you it doesn't matter."

"How can you say that when I..." My words are cut off mid-sentence by his searching tongue hungrily pushing its way into my mouth. He sucks happily on my bottom lip and moans softly every time he lets it go.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" I lazily manage to answer as I lap up and revel in his taste. He pulls away, a string of saliva still connecting our top lips.

"You will have every kind of kiss, in every way possible, when we are together."

There's absolutely no way in hell that I can come up with anything coherent to say in response to that right now so I just grin into his face and continue to smother myself in his embrace.

"Can I see them?" he asks suddenly.

I raise my eyebrows at the question.

"The bruises," he repeats. "Can I see them?" The way he's asking is so sensual there's no way I could ever tell him no. He positions his body to strategically line up with mine and I slowly lower his boxers past my navel. Since I last looked, two more tiny dots have developed at the precise spot where Edward would have dug his thumbs into my hipbones as he came. At least that's what my sick imagination has decided.

"Fuck," he groans. "You even bruise beautifully." His eyes flutter over my flat stomach and he's rock hard against my inner thigh as I writhe willingly under him. He clamps both of my wrists inside one of his tight fists and holds them above my head. He runs his other hand methodically over my bare thigh from as high as it will go before it hits my crotch to the bend in my knee. He rubs it in unison with the low rhythmic thrusts of his pelvis and then squeezes the meatiest portion of my leg with his strong fingers, eliciting a sudden yelp from my parted lips. I pull forcefully out of his grasp and drag him down to meet my frenzied kisses. He puts his weight on either side of my chest to hold himself up and I go wild at the sight of his arm muscles straining to hold him above me. We kiss loud and messy, my lips drenching his stubbled chin with my saliva. I have his face in my hands as I suck on his full lips one by glorious one. We do this for an eternity, if this were intercourse we'd have been fucking for hours. His dick is perfectly centered over my most tender of areas, pressing down and grinding into it until I think I can't handle anymore.

"Edward, _god_, " I moan, clutching at his hair. The length of his hardness drags over my bud again and again. Each time he dips to kiss me he brings me closer to the edge. His hands travel up my shirt pushing it over my bare breasts. He pauses and admires my tits before going for it and gently flicking his tongue over one nipple, sucking it into his mouth and popping it back out before moving to repeat the motion on the other.

"Say something, Edward," I pant. "Say something. I want to hear your voice."

"Mmm, beautiful, beautiful bella," he murmurs against my skin, still suckling and licking and cupping my breasts. My hands are all over him, my nails scratch down his back, up his rippled sides and down his arms. He's covered in goosebumps and I know he's just as close as me.

"Don't stop. ...Edward...keep going," I beg, and his hand slips below my waistband. I open my legs and let him rub his fingers in a circular motion on the outside of my fold above my clit. And that's all it takes to leave me trembling as orgasm hits and washes over me. I cry out and he pulls his hand out and waits for me to come down from the ride. I can see the tips of his fingers glistening with my wetness.

"Let go. Edward. You can let go now."

"I'm almost there," he admits. His eyes have found mine and there's shock and amazement behind them. Without warning I shove my hand down his pants and wrap it around his pulsing erection. I'm startled by its size and how burning hot it is in my hand.

"Fuck yes. Oh god, Bella, that feels..." his head falls to my shoulder as I pump and rub my thumb over the slick tip of his cock. Covering the shaft with his own pre-cum I work my grip from base to tip and its not long before he lets out a deep grunt and spills into my hand. I don't pull away. I let his fluid run down his softening shaft and over my fingers. I pump a few more times to make him shudder and he laughs at the mess he's made on me.

"Do you think that's what last night felt like?" I ask, stroking his back with my nails. His breath is coming in short bursts and he shakes his head in between my breasts.

"There's no way in hell I would have lasted that long inside you last night, Bella. Plus I didn't taste you on my lips this morning and if last night had _truly_ gone the way I wanted it to, I _definitely_ would have used my mouth on you."

I feign shock and roll my eyes. "Pig," I laugh and he grins a sleepy grin.

We lay in silence until our breathing steadies and he's settled into the crook of my neck. I kiss his sweaty forehead and let sleep take me with him.

**

I wake to find an empty space next to me and stickiness between my legs. My face blushes red hot knowing it was Edward that did it this time and not a wet dream.

Hopping out of bed I exit the room and debate whether or not to call out his name. I'm about to when I turn the corner and my heart skips a beat. He's standing on the balcony, his stunning body bathed in the glow of the moonlight. He's smoking and my eyes follow the line of his spine down his sculpted back ending at the pajama bottoms that are hanging onto his sex hips for dear life. A trail of smoke billows from the end of the cigarette he holds between his middle and index fingers. He raises it to his lips and inhales deeply, the tip turning bright orange and yellow. He savors the taste and slowly exhales the smoke through his nostrils. In that moment it's the single sexiest thing I've ever seen. I stand as still as a statue watching Edward's private moment of peace and serenity through the large window.

Eventually I let my feet carry me onto the balcony and I slide my arms around his waist. The feeling of his smooth skin and the soft hair on his tummy makes me instantly wet and I want to drag him back to bed for another go at it. Instead I plant a kiss on his angel wing and hug him close. He turns in my embrace and the moon creates a halo behind his head. He takes a final drag of his cigarette and blows the smoke towards the sky before flicking the butt over the edge.

"Isn't this a nice surprise," he says running his hands over my shoulders and up both sides of my neck. I smile and kiss the inside of his hand. He wipes his thumb across my bottom lip and I take it into my mouth, sucking it lazily, never taking my eyes off Edward's.

"Don't start, Bella," he closes his eyes and hums in response to the sensation..

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, _I wish that wasn't my finger in her mouth_."

"Kind of like how I was thinking before_, I wish that wasn't his finger between my legs_." Edward laughs at my pervy joke.

"There's _nothing_ I want more than to be inside you, Bella. I'm obsessed with the idea. ....It's probably too late for this but I still can't stand the idea of you thinking I'm a cheater."

"I already told you that I don't think that."

"I know…I'm just worried that you if we keep fooling around, if we let this go any further than it already has, then you might start to broaden your definition of the word. And I can't let that happen."

"Why? …for arguments sake."

"Because," he sighs. "If you think I'm the kind of man that cheats… then you'll never want to be with me."

**

**phew!!** **no musical selections this chapter. just quiet times.** **please review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**This is kind of a weird transition chapter. Post-weekend and the set up of Edward in school blablabla. No sex and he's still with Victoria for the moment (wtf? i know!) It goes back in time a tiny bit too. There was a lot more to it but it was getting pretty rambly so I cut it and saved the rest for later. **

**This story is turning out WAY longer than I intended but I'm just going with it. :D**

**S (dot) Meyer is the owner of Twilight, Inc.**

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**EPOV**

Students are admitted to the NYU School of Law Juris Doctor program on a full-time basis only. The selection process is severe – only students with a B.A. degree from an accredited university or those who have completed their first year at another U.S law school are considered for acceptance into the respected program.

I had done approximately _none_ of these things and yet somehow I was on my way to my third week of classes.

**

The first time I took the SAT's I scored a perfect 2400 (800 in math, writing, and reading). Of course the administration thought I cheated and made me take it again, this time in the principal's office with all of my teachers and my father in the room watching me. Fuck 'em, I scored a 2400 again anyway.

I took the LSAT's after a weekend of binge drinking, vomiting, and waking up in Jessica Stanley's four-poster bed. I still scored in the 90th percentile. Three and a half fucking hours I sat in that stifling auditorium, sweating vodka out of every aching pore.

The analytical reasoning section of the LSAT's consists of four games and it's the most difficult and heavily mathematical part of the exam. An example goes something like this:

_Adam, Bob, Carl, David, Eric, Frank, George, and Hank are basketball players.  
Frank is the same height as Hank.  
George is taller than Frank.  
Eric is taller than Adam.  
Adam is taller than David and Carl.  
Bob is shorter than Carl. _

_Which one of the following must be false? _

_(A) George is taller than Hank.  
(B) Carl is taller than David.  
(C) Adam is taller than Frank.  
(D) David is the same height as Carl.  
(E) Bob is the same height as Eric. _

Fucking _what_?? I remember staring at the question and wondering if it was in English. I hadn't studied, I hadn't taken the preparatory classes that my father kept badgering me to take, and I only half-listened when he went over practice questions across the dinner table every damn night before I went upstairs and snuck out my bedroom window.

I had to hand it to Carlisle though. It must have gotten through to me by osmosis or some shit because all I had to do was take a deep breath and I sat there and I _thought_ about it.

_If George is taller than Frank who is as tall as Hank, then George must be taller than Hank. Hence (A) is true. This dismisses (A). Next, the fourth condition tells us that Adam is taller than both David and Carl; it does not, however, tell us who is taller between Carl and David, nor do any other conditions. Hence (B) is not necessarily false. This dismisses both (B) and (D). Next, no condition relates the relative heights of Adam and Frank. Hence (C) is not necessarily false. This dismisses (C). Finally, Eric is taller than Adam who is taller than Carl who is taller than Bob. Hence, Eric must be taller than Bob. This contradicts (E). Thus (E) must be false, and therefore it is the answer. _

The rest of the test was cake. Logical reasoning and arguments? Did they know my last name? Cullen is synonymous with conniving and contradiction.

Even though I had a 4.0 GPA from Forks High, I didn't have any college education other than one year at Peninsula College. What I _did_ have was Victoria's father, a NYU School of Law alumnus and a major benefactor to the university as a whole. He was Alumnus of the Year in 2008 and is a visiting Professor of Law whenever he's in town. He may be a pompous piece of shit but the man has more connections than Amtrak. So after calling in a few favors and threatening to pull funding for countless efforts and upgrades to the schools facilities, I was admitted solely on my academic credit and potential without having to abide by the bullshit red tape.

My schedule consists of the required first semester courses: Contracts, Procedure, Torts, and Lawyering. It sounds nauseatingly intimidating and normally I'd be stressed the fuck out that someone as scary as Victoria's father put their respected name and career on the line for me and my overpriced education, but there's a certain someone that has been vital in alleviating my anxiety.

**

I've been MIA for the past few weeks what with getting used to the new job at Victoria's office and then starting school. Lately I've been putting half days in at the office so I can make it down to my night classes. It's an exhausting haul and by the time I get out it's after eleven and I'm so tired I have to force my way back uptown, only to get up at 6am and do it all over again.

It's been tough but I've managed to stop by the club a few times on my way to class, not for very long, sometimes only for five minutes, but it's still worth it just to see Bella's face, to see what she's wearing, to ogle at her chest like a dirty old man, to have her smile at me, to smell her, to hear a quick story or anecdote, to get a weak smirk from Alice and then to catch her checking out my ass and raising her eyebrow at Bella when she thinks I'm not looking.

I still get together with Jasper as often as possible to embarrass him on the basketball court in front of his friends. We've grown close and I consider him a friend of my own now and not just Bella's friend Jasper.

Victoria's been out of the country on business and I've enjoyed having the apartment to myself with no one to answer to. Her company is opening a new international office in Zurich, Switzerland and she's in charge of getting it up and running. She left me a message on my cell phone to tell me that she wasn't sure how long it would take to get it organized and to hire the appropriate personnel. She said she missed me and wished me luck at school and told me she would call again as soon as she could. That was four days ago.

I text Bella everyday between classes; little notes like _FUCK THE LAW_ to which she'll reply _LOL! _or _Get back to work, slacker!!_

I call her every night on my walk from campus to the subway. It's usually pretty late by then and I know she's busy working so I'll leave her a message, something like, "Hey Bella did you know that a "Contract", as distinguished from the term "agreement", means the total legal obligation that results from the parties' agreement as determined by the Uniform Commercial Code as supplemented by any other applicable laws? I thought you would find that incredibly interesting and might want to give me a call back to discuss it further. If I don't pick up it means I've fucking thrown myself in front of a train or into traffic. ...I miss you."

We haven't been intimate since that weekend at the apartment. It's not for lack of wanting to though, because I haven't been able to think of _anything_ other than holding her and being with her again. I dream about having her near me and constantly jerk off to the memories of that night in order to get to sleep. The truth is there just hasn't been enough time to get together…which has resulted in a constant state of craving and horniness that's been gnawing at my insides for weeks. I've wanted to invite her back more times than I can count. Every time we talk on the phone I bite my tongue so I won't ask her. I have made a conscious effort not to drink at her bar or meet her anywhere that serves alcohol because I'm not going to let it happen again. The next time we're together I'm going to do everything right. I'll show her exactly what she means to me. It will be genuine and real and for the right reasons and we'll fucking remember it forever.

We woke up that Saturday morning in each others arms, the same way we had fallen asleep - her head on my chest, her arm draped across my stomach. I stroked her upper arm with my fingertips and watched her eyelids quiver as she moaned and rubbed her body up against mine. I laid there until the sun came up, listening to her light breathing and the way she mumbled my name through her parted lips. I made omelets for breakfast and fresh coffee and she walked out of the bedroom rubbing her eyes with a sleepy grin. We lay on the floor in front of the TV and watched cartoons and laughed and talked about nothing and everything at the same time. My mother called a few times but I didn't pick up. I didn't want anything to interrupt our secret bubble of perfection. Bella accompanied me to the university book store so I could pick up my textbooks and supplies and we had lunch at a café by the park. It was so fucking _nice _to be with her, yet clawing at the back of my mind the entire time were awful thoughts about how much of a disgusting asshole I am. How I'm a pig and how Bella deserves so much better than me. Even if I wasn't with Victoria I was pretty much convinced that I'd never be the kind of man Bella needed. I was conditioned and fucking brainwashed. I was used to dysfunction in every relationship I've ever had, parental or otherwise. I didn't know if I had what it takes to be in a "normal" relationship with a woman as spectacular as Bella, one where I'd actually have to _try_ and pay attention and not take for granted the fact that she'd be there no matter what because that's what was in the contract your parents negotiated behind your back.

These were the thoughts that plagued me every second of every day.

The things I told Bella that night are things I've never said to anyone before. I've never opened up and exposed my guts like that to anyone ever and for one important reason - I've never fucking _had_ anything to expose. Not in five years with Victoria did I ever feel a fraction of the power and passion I felt for Bella in the first five minutes. I was so fucking pissed at myself for not being able to chillax and enjoy the warm September air, the cloudless blue sky, the excited and nervous sounds of the city, of students being dropped off by their parents and signing up for classes. It was a college experience Bella had that I never did and even though I'm only mildly interested in the course work I'm enrolled in, it's something to do, a way to stay in the city even after I end things with Victoria, which I'm definitely doing. The difficult part is that her father put his reputation on the line for me, to get me in, something I know my father played a part in as well. Both of them have been waiting with baited breath and less than subtle hints for me to propose to V so we can finally join our two families and make babies and continue the line of privileged, self-important, self-absorbed aristocrats.

**

Recently Bella has begun handing me notes each time I leave her. Small pieces of notebook paper or napkin - anything that's nearby when it hits her - folded into tiny squares that I read as I walk to campus. They're usually a sentence or two long, sometimes just a few words, written in Bella's spidery script. I keep them in the inside pocket of my school bag. Sometimes during lectures I'll take one or two out and read them quickly. I dunno. It's just something I like to do.

She'll put them in my hand as I'm giving her a kiss on the cheek or on her forehead. She digs her fingers into my palm and she doesn't let go until I smile and start to pull them out. She's terrified that I'll read them in front of her or while she's watching me walk away. Once or twice she snuck them into my wallet. She gave me the first one at the end of our magical weekend. She had to go to work so she ripped off a piece off my napkin and wrote on it while I was paying the check for dinner.

_After tonight if you don't want us to be  
a secret out of the past  
I will resurrect it, I'll have a good go at it._

Not gonna lie...I didn't know what it was supposed to mean. I knew she was unsure and insecure about what had happened between us and I didn't fucking blame her. I was thrown for a loop myself. I mean, I always knew I liked her from the word go. Like, _really_. But something changed in me that weekend, in both of us, and I knew it because I saw it in her eyes too. There was a new fire burning and the heightened emotions were engulfing us.

I sent her a simple text back.

_I love it. Please don't worry._

Because regardless of what it meant or how it related to our relationship, Bella has a way with words and it was a beautiful sentiment.

The ones that followed were more motivational than anything else, but there were two in particular that really stuck out

_The real truth about it is, my kind of life's no better off if I've got the maps or if I'm lost_

_The real truth about it is, there's no end to the desert I'll cross. I've known that all along._

From the moment we met I could see the way her thoughts and emotions fought behind her eyes and burned her skin to a rosy blush. By her own admission she confided in me that the need to get those thoughts and visions out of her head and onto paper consumed her daily life and had done so long before I came around and fucked things up even more.

I've been finding myself thinking a lot more about that part of her and wondering if there's more to it than she's been willing to volunteer.

**

It's a gorgeous day in September and my afternoon lecture has ended early. I walk across the square and take out my phone to call Bella. She picks up on the second ring.

"Hey Edward! Did you get out of class early?" Hearing her voice on the other line is like taking a straight shot of bourbon. My shoulders immediately relax and my heart starts racing. I smile into my phone and lower my voice

"That I did, perceptive lady. I was wondering if you'd like to meet me for coffee. There's something I want to show you."

**

We take our coffees and stroll through Washington Square Park, chatting leisurely about the weather and work until we find an empty bench.

She sits close to me and crosses one leg over the other. The simple movement that all people make when they sit down instantly sets fire to a painful erection in my jeans. I can't stop myself from gawking at her thighs and letting my eyes travel up and into the slit of her crotch. I hate myself. I've only been in her presence for fifteen minutes and already I want to lay her down and fuck her right on this stone bench. She looks sexier than usual today. Maybe because it's been a few days since I've seen her but my stomach is turning flips as I look her up and down without trying to hide it. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and the choppy wisps of her bangs are pinned back haphazardly with plain brown bobby pins. She's wearing a short, short, dangerously short, schoolgirl-type green gingham skirt without tights. No tights! Bare legs! What is she trying to do to me?? Her legs are porcelain white and flawless. Her delicate feet have thin flip flops hanging from them and her toenails are painted bright orange. Her girly messenger bag is slung across her chest, the strap separating her breasts into two distinct shapes. She has a tight white tee shirt on with a black bra underneath. Her eyes are heavily coated in grey and lined in black, her eyelashes are long and thick. Anyone else would look like a slutty raccoon but on Bella it looks perfectly natural.

"So, what did you want to show me?" she asks curiously.

"Well," I lean into her shoulder and smile. Her face turns rosy and she bites her plump bottom lip. "I want to take you somewhere." The blush on her cheeks intensifies and it perversely sends my mind reeling back to the memories of her willing body writhing underneath mine, my hands between her legs, my tongue down her throat.

"Hi Edward!" A familiar high-pitched voice ruins the moment like nails on a chalkboard. A tall skinny blond with cosmetically enhanced breasts, skin tight jeans, leopard print stiletto Manolo's and a Louis Vuitton bag approaches us. I secretly curse Victoria for my ability to effortlessly spot designer labels a mile away.

"Oh hey Melanie." I'm about to introduce Bella when she cuts me off.

"Great answer to Professor Anderson's question today. I had no idea what he was talking about and I was terrified he'd call on me. He's such an asshole when you get shit wrong."

"…Yeah, but he's not so bad once you give him the right answer and put him in his place. Plus he's really funny if you get a chance to talk to him after class."

"Yeah," she smiles awkwardly. I know damn well that Melanie has never talked to a teacher on purpose in her entire academic career.

"Maybe we can get together one day...to study. You could come to my room and pick me up and we could go to the library...or we could stay in my room..."

Is she _eye-fucking_ me? She totally is. Her eyes haven't left my bulge since she started yammering. She's kidding right? With Bella sitting right here??

"...Uh, I don't really study..."

"But you're in that study group...?"

"...Because Professor Klein made me, remember? He said I project a look of boredom the likes of which he's never seen in his thirty-five years of teaching and if I expect to be allowed to continue taking up space in his classroom and, moreover, to even have a shot at passing his final exam, I was to join Maggie and Kevin's study group meeting every Tuesday and Thursday. It's a slow death but I'm dealing with it."

Deal with _that_.

"Oh." She looks dejected. I wish I cared.

"…Are you still going to lend me that book?"

"Yeah sure," I open my book bag and pull out "The Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie.

"Here."

"Wow. It's heavy."

"Wait til you start reading it."

"I'm sure I'll have a TON of questions for you."

_What else is new?_ I smirk and nod. She waves a bejeweled hand at me and turns on her high heel, not once acknowledging Bella's presence. I shake my head apologetically and start to explain.

"That's Melanie. She's in every single one of my classes." I roll my eyes. "Talking to her is the equivalent of getting sucked into a black hole from which there is no escape. My brain literally hurts after interacting with her for more than a few seconds."

"She seems nice," Bella replies generically, staring at the pavement. I know she's trying to be objective but her body language is twisted and she's crossed her legs away from me.

"Come on now, beautiful. Don't be like that." I wrap my arm around her and pull her close. She melts into my embrace but doesn't put her arms around me. I kiss the top of her head and she nuzzles into my underarm.

"I know. I'm sorry," she says into my chest. "It's stupid. I can't believe I'm getting jealous over a classmate when you have an actual real-life girlfriend."

"...Bella..."

"Have you spoken to her?"

I sigh, knowing what she's getting at. Fine. If she wants to talk about it we'll talk about it.

"Briefly last week. It's not a conversation for a staticky phone line, Bella. It's the end of five years. You can't sum something like that up in a voicemail or a text. It's a yelling, screaming, marathon of name-calling that dredges up years of resentment and hurt feelings on both sides. I haven't been the picture of a perfect boyfriend all this time, y'know. And she's not a _total_ harpy either. Right now she's an ocean away on business. The least I can do is give her the courtesy of a face to face break up so she can hit me or throw things at me or, I dunno, take my stuff and toss it over the balcony."

She laughs into my shoulder and slips her arms around my waist.

"I wasn't able to start things off the right way with you, Bella. I'll never be able to change that and it kills me every day. I'm not placing blame, it's not anyone's fault but my own but I want you to know that I'd do it all differently if given a second chance. ....This _is_ my second chance, Bella, if you'll grant it to me."

**BPOV**

Edward's sweet breath in my ear is the stuff my wet dreams are made of. It's the way they start and the way they end. His heartbeat thudding against my bare skin, his hands running all over my trembling body, his voice saying my name over and over, asking my permission, not doing anything without my permission. _Can I touch you? Is that alright? How does that feel? Do you want more? Tell me what you want and I'll do it. Anything, Bella. Bella._

"Bella?"

"...huh?" I look up at his gorgeous face peering down at me.

"Did you hear what I said?" he asks, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Y-yes?" Thank God I'm sitting down because I'm suddenly overwhelmed by Edward's potent scent - pure musk and summer sweat mixed with the lingering effects of his Nivea body wash. It's divine. I bury my nose in his warm tee.

"And what's your answer?" he murmurs, his lips brushing against my temple. "I asked you for a second chance, Bella. Please? Will you give that to me?"

_Sweet Jesus. _I nod and feel his smile against my forehead. Without a word he pulls me to my feet and hugs me off the ground whispering 'thank you' into my ear. _Fuck._

**

Jasper was sitting on my front stoop when I arrived home from the end of my weekend of bliss with Edward. I wasn't the slightest bit surprised to see his blonde head.

I stood in front of him with my arms crossed and a scowl.

"Lemme guess. Alice put you up to this."

"...Too many times, Bella."

He shuffled over on the step to give me room to sit down.

"What?" It's as if he wasn't even talking to me, but to the thought of me in his head.

"Jasper, what are you saying?"

"I've picked you up too many times." This was true. He's picked me up from the floor and down from the ledge. He's put me into bed and changed me in the dark and he's slept on the couch so he'd be there when I woke up. He did all of it when I asked and when I didn't have to. I'll never be able to thank him enough for his help and support and friendship but how many more times did he want me to say it?

"So you keep reminding me, Jasper. Why'd you do it then? Huh? Why'd you even bother to be there for me if you're going to throw it in my face every time I do something you – or _Alice_ – disapprove of? Is it because _you're_ the one who took me to a party where'd I meet Jake?"

He winced and I put my head on his shoulder. "You didn't know him, Jasper. It's not your fault. ...We all thought he was a good guy at the time. You can't keep torturing yourself over it."

"I know...and I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I'm just trying to remind you how easy it is to get carried away. You're letting him sweep you off your feet and you're not thinking clearly."

I bolted to my feet. "That's where you're wrong! I'm thinking more clearly than ever!"

"Really? Sleeping with a guy you just met?"

"Oh right, cuz _you've_ never done anything like that! Since when did you and Alice become so fucking holier than thou?! Need I remind you of the times YOU called ME the morning after waking up in some tramp's bed!"

"It's different, Bella. You don't want this to be a one-night stand."

I shook my head and started walking inside. I love Jazz but I know trying to make him understand will only serve to make the situation between Edward and I appear even more bizarre and fucked up than it already is. He followed me into the apartment and I put the kettle on. I took out his favorite mug, put it on the table in front of where he usually sits, and plunked two pieces of rye bread in the toaster. There was silence as the tension subsided.

"So did you have fun?"

I turned to him and smiled. My Jasper. He'll always have a piece of my heart. I ran into his arms and waltzed him around my tiny apartment.

"Oh Jazz it was amaaaazing. And I'm not even talking about the sex, because..."

"Yes yes," he puts his hand up to stop me. "Alice filled me in. Drunken, no recollection."

"Yes well, she didn't tell you what happened _after_ that because I haven't told her yet, so zip it until I do or she'll have my head."

"Pinky swear."

"Ok. Well..." I proceeded to fill him in on every juicy detail of my weekend with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. The way we talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open - to which Jasper gasped in amazement because I rarely sleep. The way he made me breakfast without even asking me what I wanted and it ending up being exactly what I was craving. We told each other stories from our childhood. The way my mom used to read to me from the encyclopedia before she tucked me in at night. The time he and his sister Rosalie stumbled on their parents having sex and hid in the hall closet and listened until they finished. I gushed about his gentle, caring nature and his genuine concern for my feelings and well-being.

I saved the details on the size of his cock and the sound he makes me he comes for Mary Alice, someone who could truly appreciate.

**

**

"So, Edward," I ask inquisitively as we leave the park and cross the street.

"Yes?"

"Is everywhere you take me from now on going to be a secret?"

He smiles without looking at me and holds my hand tighter.

"This way," he says. He leads me around the corner and up the stairs of an impressive university building.

"This is the Kimmel Center."

He holds the large door open for me to pass through and he's still holding my hand as we walk the corridors. Students mill in and out of classrooms, chattering quietly amongst themselves. It doesn't escape my attention how Edward's noticed by them, especially the female student body. My stomach rolls at the thought of how many times a day he's hit on by smart, well-educated women with bright futures.

The faint sounds of various musical instruments float easily through the air.

"I come here on breaks and wander the rehearsal rooms," Edward explains guiding me by my waist. "If I'm lucky I'll catch a practice or two or eavesdrop on an instruction. You're not supposed to use the instruments and you can't reserve the space if you're not enrolled in the music program, so I used to just loiter in the hallway and listen. ...There's genius walking through these halls, Bella."

"You _used_ to loiter?"

"Right," he stops walking and twirls me around, pinning me against the wall as the students continue to pass us by. He takes my breath away.

"…Now I just sneak in." He leans down and quickly brushes his lips against mine. It's a split second of a kiss and it's gone in the blink of an eye but the tingle lingers and I put my fingers to my bottom lip to try and grasp it. He smiles devilishly and pulls me through an open door into an empty rehearsal room.

"They think I'm a student," he says softly so his voice doesn't echo around the cavernous room. There's that grin again.

I walk the perimeter of the room and admire the vast array of instruments lined against the walls and stacked in cases. Electric and acoustic guitars are displayed in racks, several drum kits of varying complexity are set up around the room. The centerpiece is a black Steinway concert grand piano and that's exactly where Edward is headed. I walk towards him, drawn to him as if by instinct, my heart races as the space between us shortens. His back is to me and he's standing in front of the keys looking down at them in awe. His profile makes me want to weep, perfectly shaped features, strong jaw, angled nose, full lips, jutting chin. He sits on the bench and pulls me down with him.

"Is...Is this what you wanted to show me?" I ask breathlessly. "You wanted to play the piano for me?"

"Yeah, um," He blushes and runs his hand through his hair. "I mean...yes. I thought..." he sighs and starts again. "…There's this piece by Chopin...um, ok, see, Chopin died of tuberculosis at 39, but a few years before he died he visited his friend, Maria Wodinska, and her family at a place called Marienbad, near Prague. She was also a pianist and they spent that summer making music together. He asked her to marry him there and she accepted. But as he grew more and more ill Maria's mother forced her to call it off and their love affair ended. For the rest of his short life he kept all of her letters to him tied together with the words "My miseries."

"...Oh Edward," I put my palm to his cheek and he nuzzles into my touch. "That's so sad."

There's dead silence except for the hummingbird beat of my heart. I hold my breath while he inhales deeply and, closing his eyes, he puts his fingers on the keys.

"He wrote this for her..._Valse de L'adieu..._The Farewell Waltz. There's something about it. A simple pain. You can barely tell it's there, but you just _know_ that it is. I've always loved it and I want to share it with you. But...I hope I never have to write a song like this for you, Bella. Isn't that a stupid thing to think?" he laughs nervously and shakes his head. "Out of great pain comes great music...or something. Anyway, here goes."

He begins to play, starting out slowly and then moving faster as the piece gains momentum. My heart is pounding with each note his glorious fingers strike. Tremors course through my body as the sound fills my eardrums and the air in the room around us. I can say with absolute certainty that it's one of the most erotic experiences I've ever had. I'm tingling all over and the need for him is beginning to consume me. I'd never heard music like this before. Yes, I took ballet lessons and my mother played classical music at Christmas, but they were scratchy, warped vinyls on broken down turntables. Nothing like the pure ecstasy of watching Edward's fingers playing this glorious instrument right before my eyes.

Is this the sound of falling in love?

There are footsteps and voices coming from the other end of the hall growing louder as they head in our direction. I look at Edward but he is in the zone, pure concentration on his face and I hate the thought that we might be interrupted.

Too late.

"Is that Chopin?" an eager voice asks excitedly. Two male students are standing in the doorway. They have books of sheet music in their arms while Edward plays from memory.

"_Amazing_," I hear one say to the other. "_Valse de L'adieu_, isn't it?"

"This one is quite easy," Edward says under his breath for only me to hear. "And it was supposed to be for your ears alone. ...Freshman. I wish they'd come around when I was playing Liszt. His Sonetto 47 del Petrarca would have them jizzing in their pants."

I hold my hand over my mouth to snort back a laugh.

"I've heard you play in here before," the same one says, taking a step closer. "A Berlioz piece, I believe. It was enchanting. You're very talented."

Edward doesn't answer.

"But I haven't seen you around during classes," he continues. The kid means well enough but even I know it's rude to distract a musician when they're playing.

Edward wraps up the piece, rushing through the end just to get done, and raises his eyebrows at the boy.

"You wouldn't have. I'm not a music student here."

"Oh. Where do you go? Julliard?"

"No, I'm not a music student _anywhere_," he clarifies.

"So what are you, then? An unknown prodigy?"

"Aren't we all?" Edward smirks. "I go to the law school."

"Hm...That seems like a waste, doesn't it?" he says to his friend, shrugging. The comment smarts and I know Edward felt it because he changes the subject.

"What's your name?"

"Raymond."

"Raymond, I'm Edward. This is my very good friend Bella."

"Nice to meet you," he sort-of smiles. This kid can't be more than sixteen. It's impossible. What age do they start letting people into college these days?

"I think I've heard you play before, too. In this very room. Violin, right?"

"…uh, yeah." The boy appears uncomfortable at the thought of someone with Edward's talent listening to him without his knowledge.

"Well?" Edward motions to the violin case. "Let's hear it."

Raymond pauses and looks at his friend for direction. His silent friend slides off his backpack and takes Raymond's books to the corner of the room and sits down.

"Uh, yeah alright," Raymond agrees. He folds up his sleeves and plucks a bow from the stand before picking up one of the practice violins. "I don't have mine with me..."

"I'm sure that one will do just fine," Edward patronizes.

My hand clutches Edward's forearm and I dig my nails into his flesh. Edward senses the turmoil raging inside me as we listen to Raymond play.

"It's Paganini," Edward whispers in awe, never taking his eyes off Raymond's face.

"Caprice No. 24 in A minor. Very advanced. I underestimated him ...Beautiful."

"You know this piece?" I ask out of the corner of my mouth.

Edward nods slowly. He puts his arm around me and pulls me to his chest. He rests his chin on the top of my head and lazily traces his fingernails up and down my arm while we listen. I close my eyes and absorb the sounds of brilliance that surround me, courtesy of Edward and Raymond.

"…shit…"

"What's wrong?" Edward whispers, his warm scent wafting over me.

"Huh? Oh...nothing."

Nothing at all. Just the realization that my earlier question has finally been answered.

And the answer is yes. This _is_ the sound of falling in love.

**

**all song credits are in my profile. much classical love. reviews would be classic too, just not on my bad grammar or typos ;p 3**


	17. Chapter 17

**Jacob backstory courtesy of JasperPOV.**

**S (dot) Meyer is the owner/operator of Twilight, Inc.**

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**JPOV**

"He likes you."

"You think so?" Her eyes lit up with hope at the thought. She hadn't had great luck with guys back in Phoenix, she'd told me so during one of our first heady middle of the night conversations over three pots of high-octane coffee. She was too introverted and shy with odd interests and habits. She didn't fit in with the cheerleader crowd or the jocks, the drama queens or the geeks. She was too pale, too short, too flat-chested (her words, not mine). She was in a class by herself, something I figured out without being told. Most gifted individuals don't fit into pre-determined groups or structures. They stand out and create their own paths. That's what makes them vulnerable and subject to ridicule. Some are able to overcome these obstacles and succeed anyway, and those people become the geniuses of their time. Some, however, are not so lucky and become victims of their own brilliance, convinced of their inadequacies by the stigma and narrow-mindedness of the society they live in.

"Look at the way he's looking at you. …Wait, don't look now, he's looking. Ok now look."

"He's cute, don't you think?"

"If you say so. He looks like a guy."

"Mm." She was chewing on her lip ring, which meant she was thinking. I'd only known her a few weeks but I could already tell what her little quirks meant.

"Should I give him my number?"

"Sure go ahead."

"What if he doesn't call?"

"He'll call."

"Yeah but what if he doesn't?"

"Then he's an idiot and he doesn't deserve you."

She smiled up at me drunkenly. "Hey so my friend Alice seems nice, right? She's standing over there by the keg."

"I see her." Not only had I seen her, I hadn't taken my eyes off her all night.

"You should go talk to her."

"Yeah. Maybe." Maybe after ten more beers.

"Come on I know you like her. It's so obvious. You're always giving her those gooey doe eyes whenever we hang out."

"Shut up I do not." I rolled my gooey doe eyes at her. Bella was way too perceptive and I'd been nursing my solo cup of Budweiser for over half an hour. It was warm and flat and gross.

"Fine. I need a refill. I'll, uh, I'll just go over there and get one."

"K," Bella grinned victoriously. "Good luck."

"You too. Go give him the digits," I urged, making my way through the crowd. The music was thumping so loud that I didn't think she heard me but she nodded and waved me away. I watched her take a deep breath and walk across the room to where Jacob was standing and talking to his friend. I saw him eyeing her up and down as she approached. Something about his face seemed feral and predatory but I pushed the thought aside. At the time I thought it was a good idea for Bella to have the attention of a good-looking guy like Jake. I talked with his friend Paul in the line for the bathroom and he seemed like a decent dude. I figured the same would go for Jacob.

As the night wore on and people got drunker and inhibitions became non-existent, I started searching through the rooms of the West Side townhouse for Bella. I didn't even know who's party this was but whoever was in charge of cleaning up the mess of beer bottles, cups, condoms, and puke was gonna be _pissed_. Everyone was shitfaced and hooking up around corners, in bathrooms, on couches. Everywhere you turned there was various stages of undress in progress, mussed hair and smeared make-up, wrinkled clothes, embarrassed laughing and inevitable shame. The sound of bedroom doors opening and closing as people made bad decisions with friends and strangers echoed down the narrow hallways.

I found Alice in the kitchen sitting on the counter and chugging from a pitcher of water.

"Hey Alice." God she was so fucking sexy perched on that marble countertop in a black mini-skirt and fishnets.

"Oh heyyyyyy Jasperrrrrr. God it's hot in here isn't it?" She fanned her neck with her hands, beckoning me to gawk at her tits. Her cheeks were flushed and her mascara was starting to run. I wanted to hug her and take care of her. I wanted to fuck her but I wanted to make love to her more. I wanted to know her well enough to fall in love with her because I was nearly there and I wanted her to love me back. I wanted to take her to meet my family in Chattanooga. I wanted to start a fine Southern family with her in our sprawling home on the outskirts of Nashville, our children playing in the front yard while Alice swung on a tire swing in a checkered sun-dress.

"I like that shirt, Jasper. It takes a real man to wear a pink polo," she hiccuped.

"...It's a Lacoste and...." _fuck change the subject_. "Have you seen Bella?"

"Ummmm," she chirped and cocked her head to the side. "Yes!" She jumped down from the counter and bounced in front of me. For a small girl she had significant cleavage. I was already gone for her and I knew it.

"I saw her go out onto the patio with Jacob Black. Let's go look!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me.

Alice was right. There they were, sitting on a lounge chair, side by side, their knees touching, Bella's hands in her lap while Jacob stroked her hair and whispered into her ear making her giggle and blush. Even in the darkness with only the brightness of the moon I could see the pink in her cheeks and his hand moving up her thigh. It was innocent enough, I supposed. Shit, it was downright tame compared to what was happening inside. _She'll be fine_, I thought.

I closed the sliding glass door and looked at my watch.

"Come on, Alice. Let's share a cab."

**EPOV**

After stopping by a few of my favorite bookshops I swung by the park to see Andrea. It's been awhile and walking over I was nervous that she'd forgotten about me. Luckily she's got rampant OCD and is already set up in our spot when I arrive. I have our sandwiches in my bag and I brought my guitar knowing that she'll inevitably ask me to play for her.

"I got you something at the bookstore." I plop on the bench and toss a paperback copy of 'The Road' across the table.

"Read that."

Andrea turns it in her hand before sticking it under her shirt.

"Thanks. That other book you gave me was good."

"You're done with it?"

"Yeah. …Here's yours." From under her shirt she pulls a cracked paperback and holds it out to me.

_Une Saison en Enfer._

"A Season in Hell? You're giving me Rimbaud?"

"You speak French, don't you?"

"Yeah but _you_ don't."

"I used to have the English translation but I lost it when my bag got stolen on the subway over Christmas. I found that last week at a street fair. I've been waiting to give it to you."

And that's the extent of our book club review. She hits the timer and makes the first move on the board. I know she reads what I give her, every word, and I know she finds in my selections the same things that I do, which is why we get along and respect each other. The fact that I read and recommend them to her is enough. And vice versa.

"So where you been, hot stuff?" Her noticing that I've been gone breaks my heart. I've missed my friend.

"I started that job I was telling you about, the one in the legal department at the agency in midtown? And I'm taking law classes at NYU."

"Wow. Busy." She mumbles, concentrating on her next move. Andrea isn't easily impressed and I know my excuses are excuse enough for losing touch.

"Yeah it's pretty good," I mumble, chin in my hand and fingering the white pawn.

"You don't wanna be a lawyer."

"Andrea we've already talked this subject to death."

"You don't listen."

"I don't know what to say. I have no choice, ok? I have no other prospects. I have no education. No one is beating down my door begging me to come work for them or play for them or write for them or do fucking anything for them. I took the tests and I passed and it's paid for so I'm going. Fuck it."

"You still with that drag queen?"

"Andrea! ...Ugh. Yes ok?"

She gives me a dirty scowl. "So you're dragging that other one along for the ride?"

"Her _name_ is Bella and _Bella_ is amazing. Things are great with us, thank you for asking."

"How great can they be for her? She wants a guy that's already taken by someone else. Sounds shitty to me."

"I'm working on that, Andrea! Victoria isn't even the same country as me right now. Jesus."

"Why are you getting so worked up?"

"Because! You don't understand...forget it."

"I understand just fine. Don't take a genius to see what's going on in front of them."

"Damn you're in a bad mood today. Is Malcolm playing with Angel again or something?"

"No. He's getting me a soda."

"I know how it looks, but Bella and me, we're going to be ok."

She looks up from the chess board and I'm immediately uncomfortable. There's severity in her already creased face.

"Look, Edward. You may be gorgeous and have a fancy dress-up job and go to an important school, but you still have a lot to learn about real life. You're making dumb decisions about easy stuff. ...Check mate."

"Best two out of three?"

"No." She pushes away from the table and stands. "I don't want to play anymore. You're making me sad."

**BPOV**

"Edward!" I exclaim with a happiness so real that I nearly jump over the bar and into his arms. I can tell by the sheen of sweat on his upper lip that he's walked here from Jasper's apartment. My stalker skills have deduced this because he's got his gym bag slung over his shoulder and has freshly showered hair with that minty smell of the designer shampoo Jasper uses. Their relationship is so cute I can't even stand it. They're becoming good friends and I'm elated at the thought that one day Edward will be mine and we'll be one big happy...my god his smile is infectious. Time stands still as I muse over how much I missed him today; so much every day. When he's away from me its like a fishing hook has been ripped out of my heart and I've been left to bob aimlessly in an immense ocean. I live for these small bursts of time that he carves of out his busy days for me. For us.

He plops a brown paper bag on the table and points to it.

"Open it."

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I called in sick."

"You're not sick."

"Sure I am," he grins and I nearly pass out. "Sick of work. …Open it."

I do as I'm told. Inside is a plastic container.

"Oh my god. It's a peanut butter bomb." I'm salivating just looking at its chocolate brownie and peanut buttery vegan goodness.

"How did you know?" I'm practically sitting on the top of the bar. I can't get close enough to him. He's leaning in to meet me halfway and the urge to kiss his pouting lips is intense. I'm fairly certain that I will never get used to Edward Cullen.

"The other day at the café ...when I went out for a cigarette, I heard you ask the waitress if they had any left. They didn't and you sounded so disappointed. You said they're the best things you've ever had. So I stopped by just now and got two of them. One for you and one for me, so you don't have to share."

"That was very thoughtful, Edward, thank you."

"It's no problem," he shrugs off the compliment and reaches into the bag for the plastic forks.

These are our days, our small private moments that no one can see or have or ever take away from us. I value them more than all the money in the world. It's dangerous and I know it. Allowing myself to fall for him utterly and completely with no safety net, with no protection, is irresponsible and juvenile. But I'm not a child and I'm not stupid. I'm not inexperienced either. I'm in love with him. To deny that, to minimize the feelings I have for him, to turn them into a joke or a misunderstanding in my mind would be doing an injustice to myself and to Edward. I have to believe that everything will work out in the end.

"This is a great song," he remarks between bites, referring to Isis by Bob Dylan pouring out of the surround sound.

I smile and nod. Emmett chose it but I'll take credit for it. Emmett's taste in music is usually craptastic with the exception of Dylan, early Rolling Stones, and jazz. Emmett knows jazz music like the back of his hand – Coltrane, Mingus, Miles Davis, Thelonius Monk. He can rattle off the influences of each, their inspirations, album names, producers worked with, release dates, collaborations, and on and on. It's incredible and no one knows these details about Emmett but me. I'm the only one around here who takes the extra step to actually talk to him and ask him questions. Based strictly on outward appearances, Em looks like a mixture of Crosby, Stills, and Nash, a hint of The Beatles, and a dash of New York Giants linebacker. But if you take a step back, you'll see a strikingly handsome man with a heart of pure gold. It takes awhile to excavate it from his massive chest cavity but once you have it, it's a priceless find.

"Hey, so, what are you doing later? Do you have class?" I know damn well he doesn't. I have the boy's schedule memorized like it's my social security number.

"Nope," he grins, licking peanut butter from his bottom lip. "I have to meet with my study group for an hour or two but that's it." I find myself mimicking his motion, slowly running my tongue over my already wet lips. He doesn't miss the eroticism in my innuendo and repeats the gesture, this time tracing the tip of his tongue over the outline of his cupid's bow and sticking his thumb in his mouth, sucking on it in pure porno style. I feel that familiar throb between my legs reminding me what the beautiful mouth can do.

He notices my wide-eyed stare and drops to his elbows, his emerald eyes gazing adoringly into mine. "Did you want to ask me something?"

"Hmm?" I hum, completely transfixed by his face.

He laughs and shakes his head into his shoulder. His smile takes up his whole face when he laughs. I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at him.

"You asked me what I was doing later," he reminds me. "I haven't been propositioned in a very long time but it sounded like you were going to ask me out. Please don't get my hopes up if you were just making conversation."

"No, no I wasn't, I mean, _yes_, I _was_ going to ask you if you wanted to, I dunno, I was thinking...dammit!!! Why do I always turn into such a fucking _spazz_ around you?!" I groan loudly and blow air through my bangs in exasperation.

Edward's looking at me with a furrowed brow. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "You're killing me here, Bella. My imagination is running wild. You gotta tell me what you're thinking because right now in my mind we're in a gondola, we're sipping champagne in front of a crackling fire, we're making love in the sand at sunset, we're doing a million things that I dream about doing with you and if you're about to say any of them I'm going to go crazy."

"You..._dream_ about me?"

"Yes," he answers quickly. "Of course I do. Every night. Every day too, but I think that's technically called daydreaming," he winks. "Please, Bella. Tell me what you were going to say."

I gulp and attempt to compose myself. "I have to work tonight. And tonight's_ Friday_, soooo, I was kind of hoping that you might possibly want to come back after your study group, and..."

"Bella, are you asking me if I want to come back and _sing_ tonight?"

Is it suddenly 500 degrees in here or is it me blushing uncontrollably?

"I know it's not Italy or a cabin in the forest or fucking in the sand - which I'd _totally_ be into by the way, just sayin' - but for me it's something just as beautiful to behold. The last time you were here it was just...wow, is all I can say."

He blushes, embarrassed by the compliment. He picks up my hands and holds them to his lips.

"I'd love to sing for you, Bella."

"You'll be singing up there." I point to the stage.

"I know that, silly," he murmurs through my fingers, kissing them lightly. "I'll be in front of _them_ but I'll be singing for _you_."

**

**the night's just begun. part 2 up next :)  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Steph Meyer owns Twilight**

_____________________

**BPOV**

Emmett looks over the Open Mike roster with a frown. "Not too much happening tonight, huh? The crowd better not be down at Piano's." He tosses the clipboard behind the register.

"I hate the cunt that runs that joint. Can't book his own acts so he takes ours. Talentless fuck." He lights up a cigarette and heads out the back.

"It'll work out, Em," I call after him. _Of course it will_, I think to myself. _Edward's playing tonight._

"Speaking of talentless fucks, you better not have booked that Whitlock character behind my back again…it's fucking slow torture listening to that cat sing…" his voice booms and then fades away as the door closes behind him. I chuckle and finish wiping down the bar.

This will be the longest shift I've worked in weeks – all day and all night today _and_ tomorrow. It'll hurt but I owe Donovan hardcore for covering for me those four days in a row that I spent with Edward. I told him I'd work open to close Friday and Saturday to finally pay him back for taking it on the chin for me.

The door squeaks open and Alice trots in with Jasper in tow.

"Hi Bella!" she sings, joining me behind the counter. Jasper takes a bar stool at the end and falls into it like a lump.

"You look tired, Jazz. If it's got anything to do with sex, please spare me," I joke.

"What if it's got everything to do with your pseudo-love interest wiping me up and down the court _again_? The man is a machine."

He gulps down the glass of water I set in front of him and slams it down still parched. "His team is unstoppable. I've never seen anything like it. "

I grin like a proud parent. "Oh yeah? Tell me more."

"Well, for one, he's got a ridiculously good jump shot. He hits three pointers like it's his job. He's really fast, too. And passing? Shit, he and Craig are like steam engines…"

"…Uck not about _that_ stuff. Not sports stuff. Tell me about _other_ stuff."

"Like what?"

"Liiiiike, does he talk about me?"

"Yes Bella. Every time he lines up a free throw he says, _This one's for Isabella_, and blows a kiss in the air."

"Jerk." I roll my eyes and swing the towel at his arm.

"Where is your wannabe betrothed anyway?"

"I'm surprised you don't know. You two are total BFF's. Playing basketball, watching games at your place, having lunch, drinking beers. Do you guys bake brownies together and play My Little Pony, too?"

Alice bursts into a contagious giggle that spreads to me and soon we're both doubled over laughing to the point where it becomes one of those fits where there's no end in sight. Jasper sits patiently until it passes. "Easy you two. It's nice having a friend who doesn't tell me what to wear all the time. Edward's a cool guy. He's real smart and funny. He knows a lot about music and movies and sports. He eats my leftovers..."

"You're making me jealous," I pout. It's not fair that Jasper sees more of Edward than I do.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'm not sleeping with him. That's reserved solely for you. _I_ should be the jealous one," he winks.

"Wait, _what?_ Hang on a second," I wipe my hands on my jeans. "He told you that? What did he say?"

"Ugh just forget it. I don't want to get involved in you guys weird fucking relationship. Literally. Leave me out of it. You're my friend, he's my friend. You wanna know something, ask him yourself."

"But he _obviously_ said something to you and you're _going _to tell me, Jasper Whitlock, or your southern can is _mine_." I shake a threatening finger is his sweet little face. Alice has sidled up next to me and now it's two on one in the ultimate female stare down. Jasper's toast.

"Yeah Jasper, what'd he say? C'mon. Tell us." She leans over and presses her chest on the bar until Jasper's eyes bulge out of his head at the sight of her squished tits. "Remember what I let you do to me last night? I'll let you do it again and this time I'll put the blindfold on."

"He told me he wanted to be with Bella," he blurts out. "He told me he wasn't sleeping with anyone else and that he hadn't slept with what's her name since well before he started school."

"What else?" I press.

"He started asking me questions about you. If we ever dated, how long I've known you, have you had any serious boyfriends since you moved to New York…things like that."

"And what did you say, Jasper?" I press again. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him you had a boyfriend for awhile but it didn't work out and it ended months ago. That's it. That's all I said ok? Goddamn you two are stressing me out."

The poor thing is sweating. I pour him a beer. "And what did he say to that?"

"Nothing. He didn't say anything to that. Guys aren't like girls, Bella. He's not going to give me the third degree. Why is he asking _me_ about your past anyway? He should be asking _you_. You seem to know all _his_ business. Why doesn't he know anything about yours?"

**

It's not a Friday night until Tanya and the skank brigade stroll in. They are so fucking gross and painted in their tight mini-dresses with plunging necklines and gaudy jewelry. Thank God they order their fruity drinks with Alice and not from me.

Edward's sitting behind the bar and humming to himself while he replaces the strings on his guitar. It's busy and I'm everywhere, pouring pints, serving up bottles, mixing drinks, making change, wiping down the bar top and stuffing my tips into the empty pitcher I use to collect them in. These are the night's I appreciate Emmett's help. He's right there next to me and we have a great system going. I take the middle by the taps, he takes the end of the bar closest to the stage, and Alice is at the other end by the door. Edward sits on an overturned eggcrate directly behind me, his eyes level with my ass. He slaps a cheek playfully each time I bend over to get something out of the mini-fridge. I look back and give him a raised eyebrow and he gives me a sexy smirk. Every now and then I turn around on purpose and reach for something behind him so my crotch is right in his nose. His eyes turn crazy and his hand slides up the back of my thigh. I bite my bottom lip and grind the air in front of his face. You could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife.

I know Tanya notices Edward behind me because every two seconds she's turning around to one of her friends, pointing and tonguing her tiny straw in his direction. Edward notices too. I hear him laugh out loud as they try to strike up a conversation with Emmett. Wrong thing to do. Emmett is impossible to hit on. I've never seen a girl successfully hold his attention for longer than it takes to order a drink.

Edward stands and finally everyone at the bar can see him, this beautiful being emerging from out of nowhere. He leans over and whispers in my ear.

"Should I take them up on their offer? I heard the blond one say she'd blow me in a meat locker. It's making her wet just imagining how the cold air would feel against her pussy as I pound my rock hard cock inside her. ..._Her_ clever words, not mine."

"That's Tanya. She's a whore." I say loudly enough for her to hear me. Edward laughs and his breath on my neck sends sparks down my spine. Tanya's giving me the stink eye and I'm loving it.

"Her equally eloquent brunette friend said she'd let me fuck her in the ass on a bed of nails. Kinky, dontcha think? Gotta love the classy broads that frequent this fine establishment." He feigns a look of disgust and something in me snaps. I pull him down to my mouth and kiss him on the lips hard and fast. It's the first time we've kissed in weeks and I'm done waiting for the right time or for him to be single or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be waiting for. I dream of his body on me, in me, around me, every night and every day I yearn for him to an aching degree. I've been taking the small doses of him that I'm given, keeping the safe distance that we unspokenly agreed to until he ends his relationship with Victoria. He doesn't want me to feel used or confused or strung along but I'm at the point where I don't care anymore. I need his taste now, here, in front of everyone. He doesn't pull away. He's kissing me back eagerly, breathing tantricly through his nose and sighing lightly into my mouth as he rubs and moves his lips against mine. They feel incredible, just like I remember, moist and velvet and candy sweet. His hand grips the back of my head so I can't get away. Like I'd ever try.

"SWAN!!" Emmett barks.

Edward and I jump in our skin and blush into each others faces, suddenly aware that people are watching us.

"Um, yes Em?" I ask coyly.

"It's pretty boy's turn up there. Do you think you can separate your faces long enough to let him perform? "

Edward runs his thumbs over my cheekbones and places a kiss on the tip of my nose. He rests our foreheads together and nods.

"Gotta go," he smiles, his lips fluttering over mine. "Remember what I said. ...I'm singing for _you_ tonight."

Tanya and her ho-bags hoot and cat call cheap slut remarks at Edward as he takes the stage. I hate them.

I turn the house lights down and turn the stage lights on him making him shimmer and shine.

He sits on the stool and strums his guitar to life and the place goes wild. He clears his throat and taps the mike and everyone quiets down. He says a quick thanks and begins with no introduction.

There are no customers to wait on while Edward plays. All eyes are glued on him. Out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett and Alice standing next to each other watching him intently. Emmett's even tapping his foot. Edward's gravely voice seeps through my pours and buries itself under my skin. It makes my head spin each time he strikes a chord and holds a note, his head tilted back, his eyes closed, the deep panting breath he takes when he's done, the way he transforms from being lost in the moment a million miles away to the realization that he's in front of an audience when he connects with a person in the crowd. The smile that crosses his face when he sees that they get it, that they're moved by his music, by the sound his voice, by his words.

When he's finished I race out from behind the bar to meet him. He's smiling as he makes his way through the crowd. I try to mentally block out the comments he's receiving from girls stopping him with their hands on his chest telling him how amazing he sounded and how gorgeous he is. His cheeks are flushed with embarrassment as he politely moves towards me. He shoulders his guitar case and smiles, still high from his brilliant set.

"I kept going. I hope that's ok. I couldn't stop once I got started."

"Of course it's ok, Edward. You were amazing. I propped the front door open and people were walking in off the street just to listen to you. It was incredible."

"Really?" he grins ecstatically. He's still out of breath and happily saying thank you's to the people coming up to him with compliments - _Awesome set, where else do you play, do you have a cd_? He's so at ease with them. My heart swells with pride and adoration as I watch him interact with his new fans. I take his hand and thread my stubby fingers through his long ones, bringing them to my lips.

"You were so beautiful up there, Edward." I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze him tight.

"So beautiful everywhere," I mumble into his pulse. He hugs me with one arm and buries his face in my hair.

"Thank you, Bella," he replies.

"I'm only repeating what everyone else is telling you." I nod to the line of girls gathering behind him.

He cups my chin in his hand and looks at me with sincerity in his eyes. "It only matters when you say it."

The rest of the night passes quickly. Edward spends it drinking behind the bar with me and Alice and Emmett. He and Em go shot for shot of disgusting Jager and wash it down with beer. I stick to vodka tonics. Jasper shows up towards the end of the night to bring us leftover veggie wraps from his restaurant. Tanya and her lot have disappeared somewhere relieving me of their presence. Edward and I swap delicate kisses whenever we can and are constantly touching, brushing past each other on purpose, gripping fingers through belt loops, and inappropriately ducking into the storage room to kiss and grope.

"I don't want to wait anymore," I moan, kicking the door closed with the back of my sneaker, leaving us in the dark dank broom closet with the stench of dirty water, Pine Sol, and bleach filling our nostrils.

I grab the back of Edward's shirt and try to get it up over his head. He takes me by the wrists and lowers my arms to my sides.

"Bella, Bella, what are you doing?" he asks calmly, his alcohol drenched breath wafting across my face. I pull my hands out of his grasp and force them under his shirt, causing him to gasp at the shock of my touch. I run my palms up the muscled contours of his toned abs, over his chiseled chest and back down again, caressing the soft hair covering his skin and grinding my hipbone into his growing erection.

"I don't want to wait any longer to have you again, Edward. I want to leave with you _now_. Come home with me."

"Bella, what's gotten into you?" He struggles against me; I know he's holding back his strength so he can control me without hurting me. Good luck with that. I'm on fire and it's only burning stronger as he fights me off.

"Edward, _please._"

"Don't do that, Bella. Please don't ask me like that. You know I could never say no to you."

"Then come back with me. What's the problem? Don't you want me?" Is that what this was about? Was he content with the way our relationship was going? Was he secretly hoping his girlfriend would never fucking come home so he could postpone the inevitable indefinitely?

"Stop being ridiculous." There's anger in his tone, as if he's insulted by my inference. "You damn well know the answer to that. Not wanting you is an impossibility for me. There is no other way my body understands how to be now except with you. I don't want to hear you say otherwise again."

"I can't wait around for Tanya to get her claws into you. If anyone takes you home tonight it's going to be me."

"This isn't a competition, Bella."

"That's _exactly _what this is!!" I screech, removing my hands from his body. "It's been a competition since the day I met you!! Me against _her_! Against _them_! _Against all_ of these women that _want you_!"

"I thought I told you not to question who _I_ want, Isabella!?" Suddenly he's on me, pulling at me roughly, his arm tight around my waist, his other hand gripping my chin. He's thrusting his tongue inside my mouth like he's got something to prove. I take it in and wind ours together, I pull away to suck on his bottom lip, dragging my teeth over its plump surface as I let go. He stumbles backwards smacking into shelves of disinfectant and rags. They come tumbling down but we don't stop. His back thumps against the wall and I'm free to climb on him, our chests pressed together heaving in unison, his hand hooks under my knee hitching my leg up to his waist. I wrap it around him and shove my crotch into his hardness. He lets out a breathless _dear god_ and grabs handfuls of my hair pulling my head back exposing my neck licking and sucking and growling against my thin pale skin. He's leaving marks on me, something he should have done long ago - something I'd never object to.

**EPOV**

I needed a trip to the mens room after what just happened in the storage room with Bella. I was seconds away from coming in my pants due to Bella's ceaseless and precise grinding against my cock when we were interrupted by the thumping of Emmett's ape fist on the door.

"_Should I send customers back here to get their fucking drinks, Swan??? Or should I just tell them to go home??? Get the fuck out to the front fucking NOW!!"_

I manage to piss and actually make it land in the toilet even with my raging boner. There's no time to whack off and this dingy bathroom is softening my wood exponentially. I push it back in my boxers and zip up. I'm barely out the door when I collide with Tits McGee.

"Are the bathrooms back here?" she points and hiccups.

I raise my eyebrows towards the sign to my left that reads, you guessed it, RESTROOMS.

"So it would seem."

She giggles vacantly and sighs like she just finished her thesis or something hard. I attempt to get by her but she spreads her legs - something I'm sure she's used to doing - and takes up the small space available for me to get through.

"So. You were playing before."

Difficult first question. Let me think. "I was one of the people that played tonight, yes." _Please go away. This can be nothing but bad._

"I was watching you. You were incredible. Whoever's playing now has got nothing on you."

"They're playing totally different music than me, but thanks." BR and Timebomb combine jazz, R&B, rock, and classical together to make original hip hop music. I've seen them in bars around NYU. They're extremely creative and fun to listen to and I love when Bella books them.

"Yeah well maybe it's because you're so much better looking."

"...uh..." She's still blocking my way out. Why isn't anyone coming back here to save me? Doesn't anyone in this place need to use the bathroom? What's with the bladders on these people? Isn't Emmett running out of lime juice or Triple Sec? Anything?

"I better get back."

"I'm Tanya."

Shit.

"That's great. ...Hi. Ok well it was nice meeting you." I don't want to be overly rude. She hasn't done anything to me personally even though Bella despises her.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"Uhhhh, sure. It's Edward." I move to push past her but she puts her arm against the wall and the hallway is too narrow for me to duck around her without physically removing her from my path. And touching her in any way is the last thing I want to do. Knowing my luck she'll take it as an invitation to shove her tongue down my throat just as Bella rounds the corner.

_"Mmm._ That's a name you don't hear very often. It's sexy. Which means it fits you perfectly." She's inching closer. We're matching each other step for step - every step she takes forward I take a bigger step back. In any other even remotely-erotic situation I'd enjoy this game of cat and mouse. But not with this girl. She smells like trouble...expensive trouble.

"I think you might fit me perfectly too," she purrs.

I laugh awkwardly, looking over her shoulder for an escape route. I wish I'd had less to drink so I'd be quicker on my feet and sharper with witty comebacks that might get me out of my present predicament. She's got her hand on my arm and is tracing her long, french manicured fingernails up my bicep.

"I like muscles."

"Yeah, well lotsa guys have them. ...Look, uh..."

"Tanya."

"Right. Tanya, this isn't a good idea."

"Oh I think it will be a _very_ good idea if you just let it happen."

"It can't happen."

"Sure it can. Let me get you started." her hands have found my belt buckle and are undoing it with speed and finesse. _How the fuck did they get there without me noticing? Where'd she put the drink she was holding?? She's like The Flash!_

"Tanya stop. Stop. I don't want to do this." I push her hands down only for her to find her way out of my grasp and back to my belt.

"Sure you do. _All_ guys want this. I've never met a guy who didn't want to get his dick sucked. And Edward, I'm really good at it. It's my specialty."

_I wonder if it would make me less of a man to scream out for help. _She's undoing the top button of my button-fly.

"We can start slow. I'll show you what I can do with my mouth and then we can go to my place and you can return the favor." Somehow her hand has become part snake and is rooting its way into my shorts and through the top of my pubic hair.

"I said NO Tanya!" That's it. I grip her by the shoulders and, before she thinks it's the beginning of some sex thing, I plant her next to the wall and move to the center of the hallway. I quickly fasten my buckle, smooth my tee shirt down and pull myself together. _No more Jager shots with Emmett that's for fucking sure._

"Ohhhhhh, ok, I get it," she giggles with her hand over her mouth.

"I shouldn't even give a shit enough to ask but I will. _What_ do you get?"

"You're gay. I should have known you were too good looking to be straight."

"You think the reason I don't want to you suck my dick is because I'm _gay_?" I can't hold back my laughter.

I'm as open-minded as they come. I'll pretty much do anything sexually and I'll definitely try anything once. I've even had a couple physical encounters with men before. It's not something I'm ashamed of or unwilling to talk about and I am certainly not ashamed to admit that they brought me pleasure. They were experiments that were rewarding and that I took part in during a time when I was experimenting with a lot more than just sex. I don't feel a need to explain myself to this Tanya chick but I sure as shit am not going to allow her to disgrace the gay community by presuming that my homosexuality could be the only reason why I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot sterilized pole.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, Edward."

"I'm aware of that."

"I even have a gay friend. His name is Jonathan. I could introduce you to him. Oh wait, do you not want me to say anything? Are you not out yet?"

"No I am not out. Because I am not gay." This conversation is becoming absurd. Wait, strike that, it's been absurd since it started. I want to get back to Bella.

"The quicker you come to terms with who you are, Edward, the happier you'll be. I mean, look where you are. You're in the East Village of New York City. You'll find no shortage of willing partners. You're a gay man's dream."

"I already told you. I'm not gay - I have a girlfriend." I shove past her and return to the bar. Bella's making small talk with a customer while she pours him a Guiness. I race up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She lets out a squeak and turns around in my arms.

"Hey you! Where have you been? That was, like, the longest piss ever." I laugh into her shoulder and rock her gently. She smells like cinnamon and strawberries and home.

"I missed you," I murmur in her ear and I feel the goosebumps flood over her skin.

"I missed you too. Don't leave again, ok."

It's not a question so I know she's not waiting for an answer. I squeeze her hips and dig my thumbs into her hipbones. Fuck I wish we were alone.

"Is this the girlfriend you were telling me about?" I cringe at the familiarity of the voice and I feel Bella tense in my arms. I unwrap her and we both turn to face Tanya across the bar. The confusion in Bella's face as her eyes dart between me and Tanya is heartbreaking.

"I'm not his girlfriend," Bella answers robotically.

"Really? Hmm, that's interesting. Because as he was buttoning up his pants he told me he couldn't be with me because he had a girlfriend. And if it's not you then...ohhhhhh.....oops. You didn't know." She lets out a maniacal witchy cackle and it takes everything I have to not leap over the bar and destroy her.

"Well honey," she says to Bella. "Good thing you found out about it now. Us girls have to look out for each other. ...You're welcome." She slides down to the other end of the bar to have another go at Emmett. The hatred and anger boils in my stomach but it's quickly replaced by my need to make things clear to Bella.

"Listen, Bella, she's a freak. She cornered me by the men's room and tried to get her lizard claws down my pants. I pushed her away and she called me gay. I didn't know how else to get her off me, so I just said the girlfriend thing but...."

"It's ok, Edward," she answers quickly. The bar starts to get packed as a new wave of customers shuffle in and I'm not sure how to continue the conversation.

"Are you sure?"

"uh huh. let's just talk about it later ok?" She forces a quick smile and gives me a dry peck on the cheek.

I watch Bella from one of the tables by the stage. I'm not sure how she feels about what happened with Tanya so I decide to keep my distance. She hasn't looked at me once since I sat down. I feel so far away. I miss my perch behind the bar. I miss grabbing her ass. I miss hearing her laugh. I miss the gust of her smell that follows her when she walks by me.

When the rush dies down Bella comes over to the table where I've been sitting/moping. I jump up and take her hands in mine.

"Bella, please listen. I swear to god nothing happened with Tanya. She's a slag...she threw herself at me and then tried to make it sound like we were having some raunchy sex-romp in the mens room. She's vile. I would never touch her."

"Edward..."

"I want you, Bella. Only you. I need you to believe that."

"Fine. ...Then stop telling me with words."

**

**ugh I know cliffhangers SUCK. i'm sorrrrrry. it's just the way I have the next few chapters planned out and blablabla. and after like 5,000 word chapters my brain starts to hurt.  
**

**anyways, part 3 of the night is up next which will be a continuation of Edward's POV.**


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm playing around with tenses. hope it's not distracting.**

** Smeyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

**EPOV**

I wasn't sure what she meant by "show me" but I assumed there were two obvious possibilities. My rational side wanted to believe that "show me" meant 'break-up with your girlfriend, you asshole', which was an understandable sentiment from a truly patient woman. But my romantic side, the side that had been doing nothing but dreaming of Bella Swan for the last six weeks wanted to believe that "show me" meant the act of physical love, the passionate display of a desire mere words could not express. Whatever she meant, however, I would accept it on her terms and obey her wishes. I could never deny Bella Swan anything ever again.

She held out her hand and I took it and before I knew it we were racing down the sidewalk and tripping up the stairs to her apartment and it wasn't strange and it wasn't wrong. It was going home and it was normal and comfortable and right.

And she unlocked her front door and pushed it open and pulled me in and didn't bother turning on the lights. She led me to her bedroom where her window was letting a warm breeze blow through her thin white curtains. I lifted up my arms and she pulled off my shirt and there were no words, just the sound of our rustling movements as I did the same to her. She ran her palms over my bare chest and down my stomach and I closed my eyes so I could memorize her tender touch. Her lips followed her hands as she trailed kisses over my skin and my desire to see her naked overwhelmed me. I unclasped her bra and let it fall from her shoulders, gasping at her beauty. She slid out of her jeans and kicked them into the pile of clothes we were creating. She took her hair down and it fell over her shoulder to the peaks of her breasts. She undid my belt as I cupped her breasts in my shaking hands and she smiled at my nervousness. She rose on her tiptoes to kiss me with those sweet cherry lips and something about that small gesture of affection awoke the tiger in me and in an instant I was out of my jeans and boxers and I flung her on the unmade bed. We clawed the covers down and she lay on her back and I lay flush against her side. I drew pictures along her ribcage with my index finger and traced my nose in small circles around her hard nipples. My erection bobbed against her upper thigh and she smiled and hummed as its heat pulsed against her skin. I smoothed her hair away from her beautiful face over and over and she nuzzled and pushed her head into my hand like a kitten. I kissed every inch of her. I took my time. I wanted it to last. Her body was a work of art and the moon hanging outside her bedroom window was all the light I needed to worship her in.

"Are you sure you want to do this, my beautiful girl?" I asked. I tried to mask the painful need from my expression but I knew it betrayed me through my pleading eyes.

"I've never wanted anything more," she answered, pulling down her thin cotton panties. She kicked them off the bed and she was fully exposed to me. I climbed over her and settled between her legs; my abdomen warming against her wet heat. She extended her arm across the bed, barely big enough to hold us both, and pulled a small drawer open on her tiny nightstand. She pulled out a blue foil wrapper and ripped it open with her teeth. Without taking her eyes off mine she lowered her hands until she found the head of my cock. She slowly rolled the condom down the shaft until it reached the thicket of pubic hair at its base.I hissed at the contrast of chilly rubber against searing hot flesh.

I pressed my mouth to hers and she sighed into my parted lips. I steadied my hand at the junction of her waist and her jutting hipbone as I felt her hands run up my sides. She nodded. She was ready. I took a deep breath and pushed inside, watching her eyes widen as I filled her from tip to base in one slick motion. After I was in as far as I could go I steadied my breathing and smiled a dopey smile into her face. She had one too - made of a mixture of surprise and relief that this felt as good as we had both dreamt it would.

"Oh god, Edward," she breathlessly moaned, rocking her hips into my pelvis to get as much of me inside her as humanly possible. She clenched her moist walls around my cock to keep me in place so I wouldn't pull out. Her petite frame was intimidating in its aggression and acceptance of my body and its offerings. She wanted me to pulse inside of her. She wanted to savor the way my full length filled up all the space in her that she had to give.

She spread her legs wide and wrapped them around my waist pulling me forward to force me in deeper. I let out an animalistic growl and she dug her nails across my shoulder blades and up the back of my neck. I pulled out to my tip and thrust back in. Her hands fisted my hair and she yanked hard until I cried out.

"Do it again," I insisted, dipping my tongue into the sweat pooling along her collarbone. She complied. I got off on the pain and dove into her harder.

"Do you think this is how it felt the first time?" she asked as we rocked together as one.

"I think so," I answered honestly, sliding my swollen cock in and out of her opening. "I don't think there will ever be a time where it won't feel this incredible to be inside you. It's never been this good before. I've never felt this way. With anyone. Ever."

"Me either. ...You're everything I knew you would be. ...And more."

"Tell me, Bella. Tell me you need me."

"Always," she moaned.

"Say it," I growled, nipping her earlobe between my teeth. "Say. It."

"...Uggggh. Fuck." Her eyes rolled back in her head and her bottom lip clamped between her teeth. I felt her starting to tremble. I knew her orgasm was close. I had managed to keep mine at bay but it would only be a matter of seconds after she said it that I would be gone.

"...I need you. Edward."

"Always?"

"Always."

**BPOV**

I woke up with him still inside me. We'd only been sleeping a few moments, I was certain of that. The wetness between our legs was fresh and warm and the condom was still sticky when I wriggled underneath his weight in an attempt to wake him.

"Edward," I whispered into his thick, damp hair. His head was resting on my bare chest, his ear over my heart, his torso rising and falling with each shallow breath.

"Baby." I ran my fingernails up and down his spine and he moaned low into my breastbone.

"Edward," I repeated. "You're going to have to pull out. You're still inside me," I giggled.

"Mmhmm, there's nowhere else I'd rather be." I felt his cock twitch against my inner walls and a surge of need rippled through me.

"The feeling is certainly mutual, love, but you're a _big_ boy in more ways than one." I took a deep breath, which proved difficult with his dead weight pinning me to the mattress.

"Oh. Oops. Sorry babe." he rolled off me and collapsed onto his back. He snapped off the used condom and dropped it in the wastebasket. Without hesitation, , I reached over to the bedside table and located a fresh one. He heard the crinkling of the wrapper and the need returned to his eyes like a sickness.

He started to climb over me but I pushed him back to the mattress and pressed my palm to his chest.

"My turn," I insisted. The moon threw a beam of light across the bed at Edward's waist. I straddled him and shimmied down, pushing his legs apart to position myself between his knees. I nosed around in his coarse bronze pubic hair, inhaling what was left of my scent on him and flicking my tongue over his delicate balls, savoring the potent taste of his sweat and semen.

"God Bella it's too much..." His hands were in my hair, roaming around in it with no purpose.

I nudged him and he moved up to the headboard until his shoulders were propped against it. From my vantage point I could see into his lust hooded eyes staring back down at me. I ripped the condom open and he sucked the air in through his teeth as I slid it down his throbbing erection. His cock hovered in place in front of my bare breasts. He brought his hands back and gripped the headboard in preparation. I wrapped my hand around the base and lowered myself onto it. He slid into me with ease, we both hissed, and once fully inside he gripped my ass cheeks tightly to hold me down.

"...Fuck. ...Bella. This can't be real. You feel so fucking amazing. This can't be a real feeling. It has to be a dream."

"It's not a dream," I panted as I unlocked his hands and rode him to a crippling orgasm. "...this is really happening."

He bucked his hips upwards as orgasm overtook him. He let out a fragrant gust of air and held me as I came and when he knew I was done, he wrapped me in his sweaty embrace and nodded into my shoulder. "Thank god."

**

He's up and he's smoking by the window. I'm laying in bed with the sheet tucked under my arms. The rest of the covers are bunched at my feet. Moonlight is streaming in through the open window and pushed aside curtains and Edward is leaning against the sill dangling his cigarette over the edge. He's not wearing anything. His jeans are in a wrinkled pile at his feet yet he stands there in the nude, his perfectly cut and contoured body arched halfway out the window to taunt me. At this precise moment I think I might be the luckiest girl in the world.

He's gazing thoughtfully over the tops of the buildings into the cloudless, starless night. A beam of white light cuts his profile in half. The side facing me is bathed in it's glow, illuminating his features. The stream of smoke escaping his lips and nostrils curls around his angelic face and floats apart as it blows towards the heavens. I want to say something, but the sound of my voice will shatter this perfect moment into pieces that could never be put back together.

"You're awake."

He tosses the cigarette butt out the window and walks back to the bed. I feel a familiar wetness seep into the sheets at the sight of his perfect body.

"I am." I stretch my arms over my head and push against the headboard with a yawn.

"It's late," he whispers, sitting next to me and stroking my arm. "It's after 3am and you have to work tomorrow."

"I don't care," I answer sincerely. "I don't want to go to sleep. I want to look at you and touch you and be with you until I can't keep my eyes open another second."

His face breaks into an ear to ear grin that would stop traffic and he leans down to kiss me sweetly. His breath tastes like fresh cigarettes and spice and I wind my hand behind his head to pull him closer.

"You're insatiable," he whispers into my mouth. I suck lazily on his tongue until I feel him harden against my thigh. I spread my legs - an obvious invitation - and he falls between them as if in prayer. "I'll never get used to this feeling," he murmurs into the pulse in my neck as another empty wrapper is tossed to the floor.

"Of what? Me putting a condom on you?" I groan as he pushes inside. "At this rate, we're going to run out of supplies before the sun comes up."

He lets out a laugh mixed with a shaky sigh.

"No. ...It's you. ...The way you feel. ...I can't explain it. ...It's paradise."

I throw my head back and swallow his name as he thrusts repeatedly and with increased rhythm. "...I know. ...Yes, Edward...it's you...yes...god...don't stop, don't..."

He rests his forehead between my breasts and sucks on my nipples, blowing on them and flicking the tip of his tongue over their hardness. I writhe and cross my ankles at the small of his back, moving them over his ass as he pushes into me. I can't feel enough of him, I can't put my hands on him everywhere at the same time quickly enough, I feel him start to tense and his grunts become louder and I know he's close and I'm sad. I don't want it to be over. I want to fuck him forever.

"Are you going to come, Bella? I'll try to hold off until you do."

I blush and turn my face into the pillow.

"What? What is it?" His damp bangs are brushing against my forehead.

"I already did." I muffle my voice into the pillow. I'm embarrassed by how quickly I get off with him.

"Oh, I know that. I felt it," he smiles as sweat runs down his cheeks in delicate rivers. "...I meant are you going to come again. I'd like to get you off as many times as possible." He takes his hand and runs the back of his fingers down the side of my body, starting at my cheek, down my neck, over my left breast, down my ribcage, around my waist, back over my hip and stopping right above my pubic bone. I moan and lift upwards to meet his touch. He spreads my lips apart with his index and middle finger and begins rubbing my clit at the same tempo that he's thrusting inside me. I explode in his hand and yell out his name.

"How many was that?" His chest is heaving and I know he won't be able to hold on much longer.

"Three," I squeak. I feel the heat in my cheeks and I can't look him in the eye.

"Bella, hey. Don't be embarrassed. We've only just begun to fuck," he winks. How he's able to joke around and wink while he's seconds away from shooting his load is beyond me.

**EPOV**

The faint indication of sunlight sprinkling in through Bella's bedroom window wakes me from my restful slumber. _Restful slumber?_ More like I passed the fuck out after rolling off Bella for the fifth time in as many hours. I'm no minute-man by any means but I've never had to force myself not to come within the first three thrusts the way I do when I'm with Bella. What's more, the second after I come I'm hard as a rock again just at the thought of being inside her. This isn't normal behavior.

Speaking of Bella. I'm suddenly aware that I'm alone in her room. Before I let the panic and fear that she's gone overtake me, I use the opportunity to let my eyes roam around the tiny room. It really is a small apartment but instead of feeling cramped or claustrophobic or caged in, it feels safe and warm and private, a sanctuary, a nook filled with books and music and photos and soft blankets, plush pillows, drawings, even a Casio keyboard shoved in the corner next to the dresser with the record player on top. Everything has a place and a use and a personality and is part of the whole that is Bella. All of this is her creation. Nothing says more about a person than the space they occupy and Bella could live here uninterrupted and completely content through nuclear fallout.

I open the door and poke my head into the living room. Bella is reading by the light of a small lamp.

"Hey. Whatcha doing out here?"

"Reading." She twists the binding so I can see the front cover. Everything Is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran Foer. "It's one of my favorite books."

Her marble notebook is folded open next to her along with several pens and pencils. She's been writing as well. There's an indentation on the side of her middle finger where the pen rests against her knuckle. I should be amazed at how in tune I am with the smallest things about her, but I'm not.

"Can I sit with you?"

She smiles widely and knocks everything off the couch and onto the floor.

"What time is it," I ask, looking around for a clock. I want the day to come when I'll know where everything is in her apartment without having to ask.

"Almost six-thirty," she sighs. There's a deep sadness in her voice as I follow her stare to the kitty clock on the wall by the door. I memorize its location so I'll never have to ask again. She folds her legs next to her so she can lean against me. I put my arm around her and hold her close. She's wearing pj bottoms with playing cards on them and a lacy red tank top. On anyone else it would look like a mis-matched mess but on Bella it looks perfect. Her hair is down and I comb my fingers through the knots.

"Would it sound incredibly cheesy if I told you how amazing you were last night?" I murmur into her ear. She blushes and turns her face away just like I knew she would. I reach out and take her by her chin.

"Hey. Look at me when you blush at my sexy one-liners," I tease. "It's the truth, y'know. I can't stop thinking about it. Each time kept getting better than the time before. How is that even possible?" I lean in and press my smiling lips against hers and I feel the tension immediately release from her shoulders as she melts under my touch.

"You put your boxers on," she notices, a slight frown drooping the side of her mouth.

"Yeah well I didn't want you to think that all I ever have on my mind is sex."

She slides her hand between my knees and squeezes. "I wouldn't be entirely opposed to that thought process. It would be eerily similar to my own." I laugh at loud and push her down so I can lay on top of her. Kissing up and down her neck while her fingers trace circles over my back, I slide my fingers under her tank top and kiss all over her stomach until I reach the jut of her right hip bone and the large tattoo covering it. I run my tongue over the outline, reveling in the way it makes her hiss and writhe.

"I wanted to ask you about this so many times. The first time we were together and again last night, but I was, uh, a little too preoccupied to care, last night especially. ...Can I see it?"

"See for yourself," she challenges me. I grab the shirt by the hem, pull it over her head and toss it across the room.

"It's the Brooklyn Bridge," she explains, twisting so she can see it. "And those are bridge workers walking the cables. It's a reproduction of a photo taken in 1914."

"It's exquisite." I marvel at the detail in the lines of the structure and the precision of the city below.

"I got it when I first came to New York from Phoenix. I was alone and utterly terrified. I would stay up all night, paralyzed with fear - that's how I got used to not needing much sleep in order to function on a daily basis. Listening to the sounds of the city all around me, from the streets below to the apartments next to me and above me, people yelling, car horns blaring. I'd lay awake and wonder what the fuck I got myself into. Phoenix is big but it's nothing like this.

"Then one day I saw this photo and it seemed like such a perfect balance of the wonder of the city and the intimidating fear of it. Men like those balancing on the wires built this massive structure and everything below it. _That's_ fear. _That's_ intimidation. _That's_ bravery. I could look at this tattoo and be reminded of the frightening risks people made in order for this city to become what it is today. It put everything in perspective for me."

"That's a great story, Bella." I kiss all the way back up her body until I reached her lips. "And a gorgeous compliment to an already magnificent existing work of art."

She sighs a sigh of contentment and we lay there on the couch until the sun has fully risen. Bella's apartment may be small but it has a gorgeous window on the far wall with no curtain and we basked in the warmth of the sun's rays pouring through it.

"I think I'll go take a shower," she says finally. "Then maybe we can resume activities in the bedroom until I have to leave for work?"

"You have a brilliant, beautiful mind, Isabella...." I point at her to give me her middle name.

"Marie."

"...Marie Swan. I will see your bedroom romp and raise you a joint shower session. What say you, m'lady?" I climb off her and hold out my hand. She laughs at my silliness and lets me pull her up. She curtsies and heads toward the bathroom. Before joining her I look around for the tank top I threw aside earlier and find it laying on top of her open notebook.

I respect Bella's privacy more than anything. Not once have I intruded on her personal business or past or whatever you want to call it - even though I probably have every right to know, especially after last night's events. I never gave her a hard time about not upholding our end of the bargain we made when we first met. And more important than any of those things, I never, _ever_ looked through her notebook.

But it was just laying there, inviting me in. Open to the page she last wrote on. And in the second it took to retrieve her shirt, I saw my name at the end of the few short sentences. Call me a deceiver, call me a snoop, but you'd do the same. I didn't pick it up. I just squatted down and I read it, not knowing what to expect.

Not knowing that my life would be forever changed.

**

_Dear Edward._

_I write about you all the time, but this night my words will not do you justice. Therefore I have revisited an old friend and a passage of his that I've loved for years but that I never thought would be put to use. That day has finally come for me but I also hope that another day will come, one that will allow me to find my own way to tell you what I am now relying on him to convey. Let me start off first by saying that I love you, Edward Cullen. here's what else that means...  
_

_...I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else..._

_...Let love write on you for awhile..._

_...With writing, we have second chances.  
_

_xBella.  
_

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**Bella's chosen passage comes from the book, Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. **

**and my profile has been updated with Bella's 3rd tat.  
**

**Please review :D  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for the reviewing and favoriting. maybe one day I'll hit 100 ;p  
**

** I really like the idea of Bella and Edward laying around and learning about each other, so here's a little more of that - sorry if it's boring - we're turning a corner soon.  
**

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**BPOV**

I heard the padding of his bare feet against the wood floor and I knew he was following me into the bathroom. I stepped out of my pajama bottoms, ran the hot water, and stood on the tiled floor completely naked. I felt a warmth on my back and turned to find him standing directly behind me. I stared at him in awe and placed my palms on his bare chest, moving them over his muscles.

"Amazing," I whispered. "Your body is absolutely amazing, Edward." The words weren't so much for his ears as they were for mine but he smiled and mimicked me, putting his palms over my bare breasts and brushing his thumbs over my nipples.

"And yours is a sculpture," he marveled. "Seeing you like this...I can't think straight. I'm at a loss on how to do anything but ravish you. My brain shuts off and all that remains is..." He started fluttering his lips across my skin.

"...your eyes..." he pressed his lips over each one of my eyes.

"...your nose..." he kissed each side of my nose.

"...your mouth...oh god Bella your mouth..." he traced the outline of my mouth with his tongue and then sucked lazily on my top lip, humming with his eyes closed. We kissed our way into the shower. He turned me around and poured shower gel into his hands.

I didn't want to scare him off, but I had to know.

"Edward?" I asked, as he soaped my shoulders.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering why you've never asked me about my…y'know…"

He was quiet. I wasn't facing him but I figured he was wearing his puzzled face.

"Is this a trick?" he finally asked. "Your secret identity? Wait…Are you a _ninja_? You _are_ very limber. …No? Hmm."

"Stoppit," I giggled, slapping behind me and hitting him in the leg. "I don't mean like that. I mean, about my past relationships and stuff."

"And _stuff_? What kind of _stuff_? The lesbian porn videos you made in college?" He laughed and ran his soapy hands down my arms.

"Come on, Edward. Be serious. I know all about your past. Especially your _current_ past."

I closed my eyes and tilted into the stream of water pouring from the showerhead. It was warm and soothing and I let it run through my hair and down my face. It still hurt to think about the reality of the situation Edward and I were in – that even though Edward was here with me, naked with me in my shower, making love to me in my bed, worshiping me inside and out - _she_ was still there lurking in the background. What would happen when she came back? Would he really end things with her and if he did, would it scar him, would it be a clean break, or would she go all psycho-girl style and seek me out and butcher me? …yes, I thought like that.

"In my defense, Bella, you only know what I've volunteered to you. Of course everything I've told you about my past is 100% accurate but there could be tons more _stuff_ about me that I've left out."

"Is there?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"Like…I lost my virginity when I was fourteen."

I spun around in shock, nearly slipping and crashing to the floor of the tub. He caught me, pulled me up and caged me in his arms.

"You seem surprised," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. He's scared shitless that I'm going to think less of him.

"You've been having sex since you were _fourteen_?? Jesus Christ, Edward."

"…Is that young?" He didn't wait for me to answer. He knew it was. "How old were you?"

"I'm not telling you."

"See?! Dammit, Bella! You frustrate me!" He let me go and reached around to shut the water off. He pushed the shower curtain to the side and stepped out. I stayed inside and folded my arms at my chest. I could tell already that I would never be ok with him leaving me. He sighed deeply and turned around with water pouring off of him in rivulets. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. This was it. This was our first shower together. There would never be another time that we would have our first shower and it's ending like this. He saw the regret in my face and held out his arms. I stepped out and fell into them. He undid his towel and put it over my shoulders.

"I have other towels, y'know," I mumbled. He ran the towel up and down my neck and back.

"…I want you to have mine. I'll give you everything I have, Bella. Always. Remember?"

I nodded and nuzzled into him. He sighed and hugged me, resting his chin on my head.

"How am I supposed to learn about you if you won't tell me something as simple as how old you were when you lost your virginity? You _were_ present for the events that took place in your bedroom last night, right? I know you were. I heard you calling my name. How much more intimate can we get?"

"I was nineteen ok," I said simply. "Nineteen. You'd been having sex for _five years_ by the time I caught up with you."

"How many times do I have to tell you that this isn't a competition between you and me or you and her or you and whoever else might look at me or talk to me or want me? It's not a contest. I don't want them. I don't want anyone else but you. Shit. You're so fucking stubborn sometimes."

He pulled me through the door and led me to the bedroom.

As soon as we crossed the threshold he picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. The towel fell to the floor and we tumbled on top and curled together between the sheets. I snuggled into the dampness of his chest hair and combed my fingers through its softness.

"I guess it just hit me how much more experience you have than I do. And I started to compare myself with all the others you've been with and…"

"_All_ the others?" he snickered. "Geez, Bella. These assumptions are doing wonders for my ego. …You're acting like I hit the ground running at fourteen and started fucking every girl in sight. I've experimented with a lot of things. One of those things was sex, and yes, I started experimenting with sex when I was young. But until I was sixteen, I'd only had sex with the girl I lost my virginity to. I still remember her name. It was Rebecca. She was fifteen. I was her first, too. We wanted to see what would happen, what it felt like. It was awkward and messy and when it was over I slept on the floor next to her bed and listened to her cry."

"...then what happened?" I asked. A lumped had formed in my throat. Edward was telling me explicitly about his first sexual experience. It must mean he really trusted me.

"In the middle of the night I crawled into her bed and watched her sleep. I thought about what we'd done and how we couldn't take it back. I wondered if that was why she cried. To look at her, she looked the same. It didn't look like anything about her had changed, but at that moment I was the only one in the world who knew that something had. I put my arms around her and she woke up.

"_What are you doing_, she asked.

_Holding you_, I said.

_Why?_

_Because I want to_.

_Oh, _she smiled.

_Did it hurt?_ I don't know why I asked her that but I did.

_No._ She was lying. Tears were dripping down the sides of her face from the moment I pushed in. I knew it hurt her.

_Ok. ...I'm sorry anyway._

_"_And that was it. That was all I said. I could have said so much more, I could have comforted her, I could have told her that she was pretty, but I didn't and if there was one thing in my life I could change, it'd be that." he blew a puff of air through his lips and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

I was stunned.

"...That's an incredible story, Edward."

"You think so?" he mumbled into the pillow.

"Are you kidding? What teenage boy stays overnight with the teenage girl he just slept with to make sure he's ok? They're out bragging to their friends the second it's over." I kissed his left nipple and ran my hand over his rib cage. "It just proves that you've always been amazing."

He snerked into my shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"So how many?"

"How many what?"

"How many girls have you been with?"

"Girls? Twelve. ...I went a little crazy when I was in South America."

It was double digits but still it was less than I thought.

"You said _girls_ like there were more than just girls that you slept with."

"Right. I was into horses for awhile." He looked at me with a straight face and locks of wet hair drying into his eyes. I stared back, a second away from believing him, before a smile curled up the side of his face.

"You!!! You know I'm gullible!!!" I smacked him hard in the arm and he laughed and tickled me.

"I love that about you."

"So?" He wasn't getting off without answering the question. He snuggled me closer.

"Fine. …I told you I experimented with a lot of things, especially after high school when I was in Brazil and Argentina. And not just with girls and not just with drugs…"

"_Guys_?"

He nodded apprehensively.

"…How many?"

"One. His name was Paolo."

"Tell me about him."

"I met him in a dance club on the streets of Rio during Carnivale. I didn't know anyone when I first arrived in Brazil, so for the first few weeks I was going out alone every night. The girls were friendly but not overly interested in me and I didn't speak Portuguese which made the language barrier intense. Paolo spoke perfect English and bought me a drink and we talked for hours. He was a beautiful man and I told you I'm very open-minded. When he invited me back to his place, I knew what would happen if I went. I had never done anything like that before in my life but I went with him."

"You slept with him."

"Not in the way you're thinking. I slept in his bed and he kissed me, I kissed him back, he touched me, I touched him back. He went down on me and I let him."

"Wow. Did you like it?"

"Uh huh."

"Did you ever see him again?"

"On and off. I was traveling quite extensively so it was difficult, but the week before I left we ran into each other at a bar. It was great to see him again. He was my first friend there and gave me alot of pointers on how to survive and get around the country. ...and he had a hot ass." Edward winked and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Have you ever told anyone else about him?"

"I told Victoria about it when I got back but she didn't seem to care. She was more annoyed that I didn't fall apart without her there to control my every move. I told my sister and she's still convinced I'm bisexual even though I've had no interest in men since that one encounter. She's such a fucking prude though. I told her to fucking join a nunnery."

I was quiet, enjoying the warmth of our naked embrace and the thud of his heartbeat against my cheek.

"You're freaked out." I could tell that he had already accepted it and assumed that rejection would be my natural response.

I shook my head. "I'm not. Honestly. I was initially, but just by the number, not by the gender. That was actually a really beautiful story – about Paolo. He sounds very nice."

"…He was. What can I say, I like beautiful things." He rolled on his back and rolled me on top of him.

"And _you_, my gorgeous Bella, are the meaning of the word beautiful – delighting the senses; exciting intellectual or emotional admiration; the quality that gives pleasure to the mind and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality. _You_, Bella, epitomize the meaning, the concept, and the truth of beauty. Inside and out. ....Speaking of inside, would it be alright for me to be inside you again?"

I was fucking dumbstruck by his stunning face and his charming, cheeky grin.

"Are you a genius?" I asked seriously.

"No. But I have a photographic memory," and with a wink from his emerald eye, he lifted me up, entered me swiftly and I surrendered to him fully.

**EPOV**

As I pushed inside her and her warmth and caring and unconditional acceptance surrounded me, I wondered how the conversation had turned from learning about Bella to me dumping some of the most private moments of my life on her.

Why the fuck I told her about Paolo I'll never know. Telling her anything about my time in South America was dangerous. There's nothing about my time in South America that is the stuff light conversation is made of. I drank more, did more drugs, and slept around more in that one year than in all other years of my short life combined. Now I was faced with the truth that all that time there was a girl out there, waiting for me, and I finally had her now, and she loved me. I started laughing. As we were having sex I laughed from the sheer happiness that Bella loved me. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. I wanted to sing it from the rooftops.

I'd never betray her trust and divulge what I read in her notebook but I'm not sorry I read it.

"Why are you laughing?" Bella asked softly, sliding off my cock and lying beside me.

"I'm happy," I panted, spooning her and running my hand through the sweat on her back. "I laugh when I'm happy. What do you do?"

"I think about you and it makes me happy," she smiled at me over her shoulder.

"Soooo I'm not opposed to using sex with you as a distraction if I'm ever on your shit list, but I poured some of my most privatest of secrets onto the table earlier, I think it should be your turn."

"I'm afraid I don't have anything that interesting to report."

"Try me."

"Well...I've never been outside the continental U.S. I've only had three sexual partners. All of them were guys, none of them were gay, none of them hold a candle to you. My longest relationship was around six months and it ended a few months ago...ummmm, not exactly blowing your mind here, am I?"

"Was that with Jacob?"

"Yeah it was." She didn't sound surprised that I knew.

"Why'd you break up?"

"Um. It's complicated. Things got...it just wasn't...look I don't want to talk about Jacob, ok?"

"Sure, Bella. We don't have to talk about it."

**

"May I have the honor of walking you to work?"

She blushes and pulls her hair through a tiny elastic band. I wrap my arms around her waist and watch her in the mirror with my chin on her shoulder.

"Dammit, Bella," I murmur. "What is it about you?

"Hmm?" she bats her eyelashes at me.

"I've always been attracted to you, but now that I know how perfectly we fit together I can't get enough of you. I cant have you enough, I can't smell you, touch you, taste you, fuck you enough to get full."

"Em will kill me if I'm late," she moans, grinding her ass into my crotch.

We walked hand in hand down the streets and avenues. It was a clear, bright Saturday afternoon and I couldn't held but stare at Bella as we walked. The sunlight shined off her chocolate raspberry hair and soaked into her porcelain skin. She was wearing a tight white baby tee with black polka dots and skin tight black jeans that rode so low on her hips that the space between her jeans and her shirt should have had the word TORTURE scrawled across it.

She squinted in the sunlight and it only made her prettier.

I dropped her off and kissed her lazily on the lips. She moaned into my mouth and whined when I pulled away.

"Have a good day at work, honey," I teased. She rolled her eyes and I kissed her again and watched her fine ass walk into the club.

I thought about calling Jasper to see if he'd be up for me kicking his ass at a game of one on one but it would just be prolonging the inevitable. I had to go back to the apartment. I'd left it a mess and even though V wasn't around, it still made me uneasy.

I turned on my phone for the first time in two days.

No messages.

Odd. Not even one from Rosalie giving me crap about not calling. I dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. Odd.

"Hey RoRo, it's Eddie. Just checking in. Haven't heard from you in awhile. Did you get my message last week? ….Well, anyway...tell mom I said hi. And dad too if you want. ...Hope everything's ok. ...Ok. Love you. Bye."


	21. Chapter 21

**Much love to my consistent readers and reviewers. You guys are the best :D  
**

**I've had most of this chapter written FOREVER, well the Emmett/Edward and the Bella/Alice parts at least. it's one of the very first chapters I wrote back when I first started this story and it's taken me this long to finally post it. I couldn't figure out the right place to put it. Just goes to show how much I've been rambling on. haha.**

**Stephanie Meyer plus Twilight equals love.  
**

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**BPOV**

Saturday was a bit of a bore. I couldn't concentrate on anything knowing that Edward was out and about and I was cooped up in this dank bar instead of by his side.

"What's your deal, Swan? You're working in slow motion today," Emmett mumbled.

"Sorry. I'm not into it tonight. I didn't realize Saturday's sucked here. I'm bored."

"You want to be with _him_, I suppose."

The door swung open and Alice popped in.

"Hey losers," she sang.

"Hey bitch," I waved.

"I just had the BEST vegan club at Jazzy's restaurant. I think I might need some serious shopping to work it off."

"Why? I'm sure Jazz would be more than desperately willing to help you burn your calories."

"I wish. He's working the late shift tonight. Hey! Wanna come with me to pick out a birthday present for my mom? It's next week and I can't go to Greenwich empty handed."

"Can't. I'm covering for D, remember? Til close."

She pouted and stomped her foot and motioned for me to ask Emmett to let me go. I shook my head like there is NO WAY I am asking him that, but she's a persistent pain in the ass so after much begging and promising that I'd help him with inventory on Sunday…he shrugged, which meant I could go.

"You're lucky my dad's guilt-payment came today, Mary Alice. I just gave up a three-hundred dollar night for you."

"Oh pul-leeease. I heard Emmett say he'd give you his shift next week if you needed it, Bella. He loves you. He'll do anything for you. He should challenge Edward to a duel for your affections."

"He just worries about me, that's all. Ever since he insisted on taking me to the hospital that last time..."

"He thought Jake broke your arm, Bell. He was grabbing you so hard."

"Yeah well he didn't. I was fine."

The subject was dropped at that and we hopped into a cab. Alice is originally from Connecticut and comes from an extremely well off family so it was no surprise to me that she told the cab driver to drop us off on 57th and 5th.

"_Bergdorf_, Alice? I don't think I've ever set foot in this store. I don't think I've ever even walked by it."

"Sure you did, when we went to see the tree last Christmas in Rockefeller Center. What can I say, my mother has expensive taste."

"Shit," I bark suddenly, slapping Alice on the arm with the back of my hand.

"OW!! What the fuck?!"

"That's her!" I duck behind the building and point at the line of cabs in front of the store. "Right there. Getting out of the cab. _That's_ Edward's girlfriend."

"Holy fucking shit! _That's_ her? …She's pretty."

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Well, she is. She looks mean though. Like a pissy Pomeranian."

My heart is pounding in my throat. My stomach is churning. I'm going to throw up and cry but I'm not sure in what order.

"I...I didn't know she was back."

"Maybe she just got back today. Edward's been attached to your side like a barnacle this whole weekend. Surely he would have said something to you. …Right?"

"I don't know." My head is spinning. Had she been back this whole time? Alice sees my shaking hands and steadies me against the wall.

"…Honey, can I level with you?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No." She smiles and links her arm through mine.

"I'm your closest friend and sometimes that means I have to say things that might sound mean but are for your own good."

"Uh huh. Can't wait."

"You're wasting your time with Edward. If you think he's going to break up with a sure thing like that fiery redhead - who just walked into BERGDORF fucking GOODMAN and NOT because her shift was starting - you're living in a fantasy world. He comes from money, darling. Something you have very little of."

"Ouch."

"I told you this was going to hurt but it's only because I love you. Edward has family ties with her that are woven deeper than either of us realize. He's a man of status. No matter how much he tries to push it aside it's who he is. It's not easy to give up your upbringing and entitlement for someone you just met. There's a plan for his life. ...Take it from someone who knows.

"And, this part is going to sound terrible but, why would he jeopardize all of that for you? For anyone? He loves you. I truly believe that he does. You're interesting and colorful and unique. You're the absolute opposite of her."

"I sense a point somewhere."

"My _point_ is, he's getting his cake and eating it too. In more ways than one I might add, you giant slut."

"You're one to talk, Miss 'It doesn't count if you don't swallow'."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Anyway. He lives uptown. He mingles with money and influence. He meets you and it's a different world, exciting, grimy even, he plays with his toys and then he takes the train back to the right side of the tracks."

"He's going to NYU, Alice. I wouldn't exactly call that the wrong side of the tracks."

"I like him, Bella. I wish I didn't because it would be so much easier to talk shit about him, but this has nothing to do with like or dislike. I know my knee-jerk reaction is to jump in front of imaginary bullets for you, and I can see what draws you to him, but it was a summer fling, sweetie. She's back now."

I needed a drink STAT. I couldn't go back to the club and I couldn't be around Alice. She didn't know what she was talking about - she didn't know Edward - but it's what any good friend does. They give you a swift kick in the ass when they think you need it. But I needed to be alone, somewhere dark where Edward couldn't find me. I needed to go home and get my notebook first.

**EPOV **

I held the phone to my ear and ran the blocks of alphabet city. For the thousandth time that night I dialed Bella's number, but just like the hundredth time it rang and rang and rang. _"Hey it's Bella..."_ that's as far as I got into her message before hanging up and hitting redial. My phone beeped and flashed_ low battery_.

I turned the corner and shoved through the wooden door. My eyes adjusted to the red light and I searched for my Bella's small frame. I'd know it anywhere and I found it within seconds, sitting at a corner table alone.

"Where have you been? I've been calling you all night."

"How'd you find me?" She wasn't looking at me as she spoke. There were three empties in front of her and she was halfway done with her fourth vodka tonic, my girl's favorite drink.

"I went by the club, you weren't there. I asked Emmett where you were and he told me to go fuck myself. After nearly strangling him to death he said he let you leave early to go shopping with Alice but that Alice came back without you. So I went to your apartment and knocked and knocked until your neighbor told me to fuck off and die. After agreeing to walk her dog, she told me that you sometimes come to this bar called Manitoba. After walking up and down the block aimlessly...here I am."

"Here you aren't."

"Huh?"

"I think you should leave."

"_What??_ Bella, what's going on? Why are you acting this way? Did I do something wrong? I thought we had a great time last night. ...I know _I _did."

"I did, too."

I sat down across from her and she finally looked up at me. That's when I saw her pretty eyes were puffy and bloodshot. How long had she been here crying alone?

"Then what is it?"

"I saw her, Edward. I saw her this afternoon. On 5th Avenue. Getting out of a cab. ...I fucking _saw her_."

"Saw her? Saw _who_?" _Ohhhhh. _ "No, that's impossible. There's no way."

"Oh yeah? Then cheers to impossibility."

"No, Bella, listen to me. I went back to the apartment today. I took out the trash, I showered, I slept, I wrote a song, I chain-smoked on the balcony, I ordered Chinese, I watched TV. I even studied for five whole minutes, and I did all of those fucking things _alone_. She wasn't there. Are you sure it was her that you saw?"

She nodded, her eyes watering over, her chin trembling. I moved to her side of the table and slid next to her. "Bella, I swear to you, I had no idea she was back. She hasn't called me and she hasn't been to the apartment. I don't know what's going on and to be quite honest, I don't care. All I care about is that _we're_ okay. You and me. I've never lied to you and I sure as shit am not going to start now. I need you to know me better than that. Please. You've got me freaking out here."

"Join the club," she huffed and sniffled into my shirt.

I smushed her into me and felt her arms wind around my waist. "Can we please get out of here?"

**BPOV**

I believed him. Of course I believed him.

I loved him.

I loved him on our way to my apartment. I loved him while I put the coffee on. I loved him while we sat at my kitchen table and talked easily and sipped from our mugs. I loved him when he went to the window to have a cigarette. I loved him because he kept trying to explain and I knew it wasn't because he was covering up, it was because he was honest and true. I loved him when he held out his hand and led me to the bedroom. I loved him when he shut the lights on the way because all he needed was the moonlight and the natural shadows it created on our bodies.

I loved him.

His tender caresses. His soft lips. His manly scent. His long, forceful thrusts. His low grunts. His breathless whispers whenever his lips met my skin.

I loved the way he came and what it did to his face and how he didn't look away from me when it hit him.

I loved how even when he was dead tired he never fell asleep before I did.

I loved how he touched me absentmindedly while he daydreamed.

I loved when he told me that he wished night lasted forever.

**EPOV**

There will never be anything better than waking up with Bella's tits in my face, but there was no chance of lazing around the apartment today. Bella told me she needed to get to work early to do inventory for Emmett. I put the same clothes on that I wore last night and made coffee while she got ready. I poured two travel mugs and I walked her to the club.

"Hey, can you get off early tomorrow?" I murmur into her ear when we arrive.

"Only if you're in between my legs."

Fuck she's nasty. I love it.

"I want to take you to the movies."

"Let me run back and ask Donovan if he can cover me."

She bolts around the corner, leaving me and Emmett alone. I smile and do a standing push up on the bar.

"There's an amazing documentary playing…"

"Yeah that sounds great. Let me ask you a question, Cullen."

Uh oh. He called me Cullen. Emmett's barely spoken three words in a row to me since I've started coming around here and now he's calling me _Cullen_? This can't be the start of a good conversation.

"What's up?" I answer cheerily, pulling out a barstool. He finishes wiping behind the taps and slings the towel over his shoulder before turning to me with coal eyes.

"What are your intentions with Bella?"

Wow. Right to the million dollar question, huh?

"Who are you, her father?" I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Bad idea.

"You're goddamn fucking right I am, you smartass little prick. I'm the closest thing she's got to one in this town or anywhere else for that matter. So you better fucking pray that you don't hurt her. Because if you do, so help me, I'll make it my fucking mission to permanently impair your life. Is this is any way unclear?"

"Emmett, I swear to you. I care about Bella a lot. She's..."

What is she exactly? The love of my life? That's more accurate than what I'm about to say.

"…my friend."

"Friend. Right. Look, man, _I'm_ her friend. I see how she looks at you and it sure as shit ain't the way she looks at me or Jasper or any other of these fucking guys that come in here and hit on her. Are you blind or just plain stupid?"

I hadn't thought about it that way and it makes me sick to my stomach to know my Bella gets propositioned on a regular basis. I've been too busy giving her swoony looks of my own to pay attention.

"Ok let me break it down to you this way," Emmett continues, his huge hands and big knuckles planted in front of me.

I gulp and nod giving him the go-ahead.

"You've been coming around here a lot lately, which is fine. You're good for business and I don't get involved in the private lives of my customers. My job is to pour, make change, and listen. And lately all I've been listening to is people talking about _you_. This new guy, who is he, where's he from. Granted it's mostly that STD-ridden ho Tanya and her pack of hyenas but you're on everyone's mind and one mind in particular. _That_ mind belongs to my employee and my employees are my livelihood. I depend on them and they're my friends. So unfortunately for you, _your_ business becomes _my_ business if it in any way affects my interests, in this case Bella."

I can see in his eyes that the big lug has a soft spot in his Grinch-sized heart for Bella.

"The way it looks from my point of view is that you're having your fun down here until reality sets in and it's time to go back home..."

"It's not my home."

"Right, you don't have a home. You're very bohemian."

"Why are you starting with me?"

"She loves you."

"I know."

"And I want to know what you want from her. Because I don't think it's the same thing she wants from you."

"You don't know that."

"I don't know that? Well I'll tell you what I _do_ know. You're a man. You live with a woman who, from what I've heard, is pretty goddamn beautiful. I'm no fool. I know damn well that any _man_ who lives in the same space as a beautiful _woman_, that sleeps in the same fucking bed as her, that watches her change and shower, even if he fucking hates her guts, is still a MAN. We have needs and you're no different. From one dude to another, you can't tell me that you're not fucking your girlfriend. You'd be a fool not to hit that, even if you wanted to kill her afterwards."

I can't believe this conversation is happening. I'm embarrassed and irate at the same time. Who does this guy think he is??

"My question to you is," he leans in and lowers his voice, his black eyes digging into mine, "...do you tell her you love someone else while you're doing it?"

"You have no fucking idea what you're talking about, Emmett. And I don't need to explain myself to you or anyone else but Bella, which I've done countless times. What makes you think I'd give you the satisfaction of answering a question like that?!"

"You don't have to, bro. I already know the answer. If your girlfriend is hot, that's great. You get yours. But leave Bella the fuck alone. Don't give her false hope."

**BPOV**

I skip out from the supply closet after having secured yet another save from my main man D (I'm going to owe him sexual favors as soon as I'm not so busy giving them to Edward) to find Jasper sitting in Edward's spot and Alice behind the bar drying pint glasses.

"Hey guys. Where's Edward? ...Why are you guys looking at me like that? Where is he?"

"Outside having a cigarette."

I walk out with a curious look on my face and find Edward on the corner smoking.

"Hey so I was telling Donovan about the movie you want to take me to and he said it's playing tomorrow night at Sunshine. Wanna meet around seven and we'll get food first?"

"Are you sure you want to go?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? You said it's a great documentary."

"It is."

"Sooo why wouldn't I want to go with you?"

"That's what I mean. You don't have to go with _me_. You could with Alice or someone else. It doesn't have to be me."

"But…I don't want to go with anyone else. I want to go with _you_."

He doesn't answer me. He's squinting up at the clear blue sky like his thoughts are a million miles away. A light breeze blows through his perfectly disheveled hair.

"Edward?" I say timidly, trying to get his attention back.

I put my hand on his elbow. "Is something wrong?" I ask with fear in my voice. He's avoiding my stare and concentrating on the cracks in the sidewalk with a furrowed brow.

"No," he answers. There are more words on the tip of his tongue but I can tell he's keeping them from me. He toes the ground and takes a deep breathe and exhales.

"…it's nothing. I'll see you there tomorrow." He smiles weakly and walks quickly down the street. I watch him retreat until he's gone. I spin on my heel and charge back to the club.

"Ok what the hell happened in here?" I demand, barging through the door.

Jasper is sitting at the bar alone nursing a soda.

"What did you say to him?" I accuse all up in Jazz's face.

"Huh? …_Me_? To who?" Jasper asks defensively.

"To _Edward_. One minute he's fine, I leave him alone for five minutes and now he's acting like I have the plague."

"I didn't do anything to him, Bells. I think Edward's a chill guy. We've been hanging out practically every day, playing basketball, watching games on my flat screen, drinking beers. I dig him. Not as much as you, of course." He winks.

"I'm not playing around, Jazz."

"Neither am I, sweet cheeks. I can see what this is about and you can relax because I haven't said one word to him about the two of you. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up."

"Then who was it? Your lady love? Yes I bet it was Alice. She's had it out for him since the very beginning."

"I'm sure she didn't say anything. She likes him now."

"Oh don't you go defending her. I know what she thinks about him and me. She read me the fucking riot act yesterday."

We're interrupted by the sound of the basement door creaking open and Emmett emerging from its depths. The boiler must be busted again.

"What's going on out here? I can hear the sound of two brats bickering from downstairs."

Alice is trailing behind him with an air of innocence that makes me want to pound her into the ground.

"YOU."

I whip around the bar with my index finger outstretched and point at her button nose.

"Couldn't hold it in any longer, could ya?" What did you say to him?! Tell me what you said, Alice, before I _make_ you tell me!"

She can see in my wild eyes that I'm not kidding.

"Bella. Calm down. I'm going to assume you're talking about Edward, cuz really, who else would cause you to carry on like this, but I haven't said anything to him. I actually thanked him for singing so beautifully that first night and getting my panties jumpstarted for Jasper's benefit. I didn't even say anything to him about seeing Victoria yesterday. I thought you'd be happy. What the fuck is up your ass?"

She's telling the truth. Alice doesn't go out like a punk, especially if she's being wrongly accused.

I back down and cross my arms under my chest. I scan the room. That takes care of Jasper and Alice. Donovan isn't known for his social filter but he isn't here for me to yell at. That leaves…Emmett. Who's currently counting the cash in the till and printing out the register tape with last night's sales.

My aggression goes down a notch when it comes to Em. It has to. He's massive. Not only that, he doesn't take ANY shit from anyone and he's had my back more times than I can count and every time he's been right about his need to intervene. Cases in point:

Problem: Jacob making a scene at the bar after we broke up, grabbing me and openly threatening me in front of customers.

Solution: Emmett leapt over the bar, threw him out on his ass and threatened his life if he ever set foot in the bar again.

Problem: Jacob making threatening calls and following me home from work.

Solution: Emmett started escorting me home at the end of every shift. That went on for eight weeks until I moved into my new place.

Fuck that. Emmett has everyone's back all the time without question.

"Why'd you do it, Em?"

"I didn't do shit. And even if I did, it's my bar, I can do what I want."

"Ugh, Emmett!! You do this all the time!!! You sense danger and you strike before it gets close to me. And I appreciate that, I really do. I know I have this habit of falling for every lame pick-up line in the book and you guys are always the ones that have to pick up the pieces, but not this time. Not with this boy."

"_Especially_ with this boy, Bella." Jasper chimes in. "This boy is worse than all the rest. Because he's nice and we like him."

"You keep quiet over there!" I bark. I don't know who to make eye contact with. They're all standing and staring at me with these pleading eyes.

"Will you please stop protecting me?!!" I whine like a hormonal teenager. "I can take care of myself!"

"You're falling for him, Bella," Emmett shrugs, turning back to the register. "If he likes you so much, why is he still with her?"

I wince. "It's more complicated than that. She's not around right now and he's trying to get on his feet. He's started school and a new job and…arrrrgh!"

I rake my fingers through my hair in uncontrolled frustration, pulling at the roots and turning bright red. I walk around the outside of the bar and stand between Jasper and Alice and across from Emmett.

"I've been the one taking advantage of him since the day we met. Need I remind you that we made a deal? He came here and sang on Friday open mike all those weeks ago for _me_. Because I told him I'd go up and read my stuff. And I didn't do it!! I never did it."

I hold up my finger. "That's one." I keep it in the air so they know there's more coming.

"Then, after I told him we should only be friends, I took the first opportunity to come onto him like a freight train! I threw myself at him, practically raped him on my couch – which thank god he has no recollection of cuz he'd probably never speak to me again."

I put up another finger and hold them both up for effect. "That's two in the first two weeks, and since then he's done nothing but everything I've asked him to."

"Luckily everything you've been asking him to do involves sex. Guys love that," Alice says cuttingly. I ignore her.

"Don't you see, Emmy? He's not doing anything wrong."

"Right. Nothing wrong. ...Except leading you on."

* * *

**it's abrupt but I'm gonna cut it off here cuz there's a bigger part coming up :) Please review.**


	22. Chapter 22

**So yeah I don't know why this story doesn't have more reviews but thank you thank you thank you again to those of you that do review and favorite and read. It helps so much with motivation and inspiration. My stomach does little jumps when I get an alert and I can't wait to read what you guys thought of the latest chapter. I'm sorry for not commenting more but please don't let that stop you from telling me what you think - good or bad. I can take it. ;p**

**I'm going to keep going with this story until it's finished. There is a whole lot more set to happen if you care to stick around. :D**

**Twilight belongs to Steph Meyer.  
**

* * *

**EPOV**

Trendy bars do not like it when you vomit on their suede couches. Trendy girls in glittery shirts do not like it when you make comments about the size of their implants. Trendy bartenders do not like it when you talk shit about the lame-ass amount of alcohol they put in their bullshit mixed drinks.

These are some of the things I'm sure I won't remember when I wake up tomorrow, but I _will_ remember the look in Emmett's eyes when he told me to stay away from Bella.

I stumble down the street looking for a sign to tell me where I am. Someone with long fingernails is hanging on me and trying to get their hand inside my shirt. I push her away and fall into a cab. I mumble an address and hope it's the right one. I hope it takes me to a bed where I can pass out and die.

I somewhat recognize the lobby I'm walking through. It's as if I'm being led by an invisible mother. I wave at a stranger that looks vaguely familiar and trip into an elevator that I know I've been in before.

I watch my finger press a button and the doors close and we're moving. All the walls around me are mirrors and I stare at all of the me's in my reflection. I look like shit but I've looked worse. This makes all of us laugh.

I shuffle down the dimly lit hallway and magically the lock I put the key into is the right one. I open the heavy door and expect to have to turn on a light but all the lights are already on. This confuses me. So do all those bags piled in the corner.

I hear a rustling. I turn my head too fast and the world in front of me goes blurry until it manages to catch up.

I feel tomorrow's migraine banging at the back door of my brain.

The bedroom door opens in slow motion and I wait for Bella to emerge. In my mind she'll be wrapped in a towel with her mahogany hair cascading over her shoulders in gentle waves. She'll walk towards me with a brilliant smile and she'll hold me and tell me she loves me and I'll tell her I know, that I've always known and she'll tell me she wants me to make love to her now and never stop loving her and I'll tell her that she has no choice in the matter, that it's already in stone.

Instead Bella comes out taller and with red hair pulled back tight off of a face that's not hers.

"Where the _fuck_ have you been?" The shrill voice forces me to acknowledge the real person standing before me with an accusatory glare.

"Why the _fuck_ do you care?" I answer flippantly, lovelessly.

"_Excuse me_? Since when do you talk to your girlfriend like that?"

"Since when do you talk to me like my _fucking mother_?! ...Oh that's right, since _always_."

"You seem surprised to see me. ...This place is a mess." She opens the refrigerator and chugs from a bottle of FIJI water. Is she for real? I follow her step for step and slam the fridge door in her face to get her attention. It works.

"You haven't called me in two fucking weeks, Victoria! Of course I'm surprised to see you! What did you think you were coming back to? A sniveling, devastated wreck of a man curled in the fetal position? Or did you expect to walk in and find me on bended knee praying to a picture of you?"

"I _at least_ expected you to come home last night!"

"Fucking why should I?!! Maybe I was out getting drunk with my friends! Maybe I met someone and was too busy spending time with_ her_! In fact, that's _exactly_ what I was doing!!"

Part of me expected her face to fall and be sad and ask me why and beg me to stop. Part of me expected her to finally tell me all the things I had waited all those years to hear.

The other part of me knew better.

"With who? The _homeless girl_?" she chuckles. "You're drunk. Just like my father knew you would be. He predicted you'd be wasting your time with trash, that I would find you squandering your opportunities on pointless trivialities and useless people, the same childish behavior you exhibited back home. He told me you were never going to grow up, that you'd always be directionless, that you'd always be...a disappointment."

Blind rage washes over me as I try to absorb what she just fucking said to me. I find my way to the front of her face and I lean in, our noses almost touching, my eyes boring into hers and I feel nothing. I feel nothing for this woman. This woman that I used to think I loved, that I used to think was my destiny, that I used to put on a pedestal as the highest standard of a female, is now a shell of a memory and a lie. Our relationship has gone from playing a constant and vital role in my life to being nothing more than its most embarrassing joke.

I lean in and pull my lips back from my teeth and I snarl the words so she's sure to hear me.

"_Fuck_ your father. ...And _fuck_ you."

"You're a maniac," she says with disgust.

"What happened to you?" I ask directly into her stunned expression. She's squirming under my unrelenting stare. Any moment she will dart for safety like a clever mouse but for now I have her. I haven't taken my eyes off her, and I saw them when I was in the mirrored elevator. They were drunken and wild and she's frightened of what she sees in them. I grab her left wrist so she can't get away.

"What are you talking about?" she answers.

"You've changed."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm exactly the same as I've always been."

"No you're not. You're different." She shakes her head but I hold firm. "...Where's the beautiful girl that didn't give a shit what people thought of her, that laughed and cursed and fucked and wanted to conquer the world? Is this what she's become? Where's Vicky? ...You took her with you when you left for college and she never came back. Now there's charts and reports and meetings and clients and briefcases and hair pulled back in tight buns and there's no room for me in any of it."

"Nonsense," she rolls her eyes. "You're drunk. Why don't you take a shower and sober up?"

"Don't do that. Don't dismiss me like I'm your servant. I'm not your servant. I'm not your assistant or your charity case or your office boy. I'm the man in this relationship."

"Then start acting like it," she hisses. I flinch at her venom like I was just sprayed in the face with a can of mace.

"It's _over_," I growl. "_THIS_," I gesture to the apartment around me and everything in it, everything that is a reflection of the nothing we've created. "This rouse, this farce, this forcing of a couple past it's prime, our final attempt at salvaging our past and forcing it into a future, all of it, it's over."

"Nothing is over, Edward, and I'm not entertaining this discussion any longer." She tries to pull out of my grip but I tighten it and she winces.

"YOU WILL!!" I bellow, startling her with the volume of my voice. "You _will_ listen to me! For once in this fucking relationship you will listen to what I have to say! Because I am not doing this anymore. I am tired of it. I am tired of living by your rules, by your timeline, by your theories. I am tired of listening to you repeat your fathers quotes and of feeling his animosity pour out of you. I am tired of trying to resuscitate something that is DEAD. Whatever we were, whatever we had, it is _gone_ and it's not coming back no matter how hard we try and force it. No amount of pressure from our families will bring this, _us_, back to life."

"You don't mean what you're saying," she says softly. I let go of her wrist and she picks it up in her other hand and inspects it carefully. She shakes her head and brushes by me into the living room. I remain standing in the kitchen staring at the space where she just stood.

"I won't keep following you, Victoria." I call out after her. "I've been doing it since we met. It was the only way I could keep you. To go where you were, to keep calling you, to stay in front of you at all times so you wouldn't forget me."

Now it's her turn to yell. "What are you_ talking about_?! _Forget you_?! _I'm_ the one who invited you here! Because _I wanted you here_! I _want_ you to be with me!!"

"When it's convenient for you. When you need someone on your arm that cleans up well and looks good in a suit and who your co-workers and associates will ask you about." I approach her as she stands helpless in the center of the living room.

"You like parading me around your cocktail parties and uptight office functions. You like having me there so you can fantasize about stripping me out of the starched and pressed tuxedo you put me in. You love looking at me from across the room and knowing what I look like naked. You love watching me get hit on by other women. You love it when they ask you my name and how long we've been together and whisper rude sexual comments about my ass and the length of my cock. _I bet he's amazing in bed. God I bet he lasts for hours. You're so lucky_. I've heard the compliments they give you for having me and I see what it does to your face. You fucking love it. It gets you hot. It gets you wet. It's what makes you want to fuck me. It's what makes you tear my clothes off and mount me. It's not drink. It's not drugs. It's not even _me_. It's what _they think_ of me."

I'm standing flush against her tense body, my chest pressed against her shoulder blades. The way her breath is hitching shows me that what I'm saying is true. It's turning her on as we speak.

"You like how I look," I say, pulling the clip from her hair and letting it tumble down her back. "You don't care what I do as long as it's something you can attach to the end of my name, like a title. _This is my Edward, he's a lawyer, he's soon to made partner in a top-notch firm, he can make me come with one flick of his tongue_." I hum in her ear and a soft moan escapes her lips. I don't know why I'm taunting her like this, it's mean, but I'm drunk and I don't care.

She turns to face me and there's the familiar wanton look in her eye that used to lead to nights spent bending her over the bathtub.

I close my eyes and lace my arm around her waist. I don't have to pull her up because she's almost as tall as I am. Her lips meet mine without me leaning down to get them and my thoughts race through the dark confines of my mind. Hands wind through my hair and pull until I cry out. There's a soft spongy tongue in my mouth and I open wider to let mine out to play and dart and tangle with hers and with...

"..._bella_..." I grab her hips and pull her stomach into my budding erection. Something doesn't feel right about the proportions of her body under my fingertips but I keep going. I try to slide my hands under her blouse but they're blocked and pushed away. My eyes dart open.

"What did you say?" Victoria's stern face is creased and wide-eyed, appalled at something I apparently said.

"Huh?"

"We were kissing and you said_ bella_."

My mind, that had just been racing with thoughts of Isabella's perky breasts, has now gone blank. There's nothing I can say.

"Is that her name? Bella?"

I nod dumbly.

The unmistakable ring of her annoying iPhone fills the room. She sighs and reaches for her purse, immediately dismissing our conversation. I've always hated how easily should could do that - turn her feelings on and off and find solace in denial.

I take the opportunity to grab a bottle of Jack from the mini-bar and prepare to pass out on the couch.

"Hello this is Victoria."

I try to block out the sound of her voice with the sound of me glugging straight from the bottle.

"Oh hello, Esme. …Edward it's your mother."

_Fanatastic_. I roll my eyes and give Mr. Daniels my full attention.

"I don't know why his phone is off. He's drunk for a change. He probably lost it."

"Battery's dead," I belch, slumping over and dribbling Jack down my shirt. I fish the phone out of my pocket and attempt to hold it up to show her bitchy ass. It fumbles between my fingers and falls between the couch cushions. I can't be fucked to dig it out.

"I can't understand you, Esme. You're going to have to slow down. What happened?"

There's an uneasy silence for way too long and I sit up. Victoria's standing in the kitchen, her face is ashen and she's bracing herself against the island. She's nodding and trying to follow along with what she's being told.

"What's she saying?" I ask, attempting to stand.

A breath of air gets trapped between hers lips, muffling her words. "Esme, calm down, it's going to be alright."

"What's going on?" I insist.

"When did this happen?"

The air in the room is suddenly charged with the ominous spark of negative electricity and a foul liquid begins to rise in my throat.

"What's wrong with my mom?"

She shushes me and makes a _shut the fuck up_ face.

"Yes that was Edward. ...Yes I'll tell him. ...Yes. Don't worry, Esme. I will. Please get some rest and call us as soon as you know something."

She sets her phone on the counter and drops her head, sighing deeply.

"_Welll_??? Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?!"

"That was your mother..."

"No fucking shit. Where is she?"

"...She was calling from the hospital."

"_What_?! The hospital?? My mother's in the _hospital_?! Oh God." My legs won't hold me and I flop back down to the couch.

"What happened? Is she going to be ok? Oh my god." Tears spring to my eyes and my mother's face appears from my memory. The last time I saw her. I was leaving for New York and I didn't say goodbye. She said it to me. She told me she loved me but I couldn't say it back. I was so angry then and I didn't know why. Instead I did the only thing I knew how to do. I took it out on her.

"She's not in the hospital." Victoria's voice is monotone and lifeless.

"But you just said.."

"She's _at_ the hospital but she's fine."

My temples are beginning to throb and I can picture myself getting up and slamming her to the ground if she doesn't fucking spill it.

"You have three seconds to tell me what the FUCK is happening to my mother!! What is she doing at the hospital if she's not..."

"It's your father, Edward. ...He's in intensive care."

**BPOV**

The wind whipped through my hair as I stood outside the Sunshine movie theater. My eyes roamed up and down the city sidewalks desperate to land on a tall, lean statuesque man with tousled hair and emerald eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, with chiseled features and permanent five o'clock shadow, with perfect lips that curl into a perfect sly smirk whenever he's pleased with himself, with soft hands and long fingers, with a deep sensitive voice and eloquent tenor. I forced myself to find someone who fit those descriptions but it was impossible. No one could ever be mistaken for Edward Cullen. No one would ever come close.

I looked at my Swatch watch for the third time in thirty seconds. The movie had already started and the crowded sidewalk in front of the theater had emptied. I stood alone. The butterflies in my stomach turned to knots of dread. I tried to hold back the tears but the truth wouldn't let me.

He wasn't coming.

**

I'm standing in Alice's kitchen with a full mug of coffee in my hands, trying not to get seasick as I watch her pace in front of me.

"I'll tell you what you do," she speaks into the sides of her hands as she thinks.

"You go to his apartment. Right now. I'll go with you for moral support. We'll march in there and..."

"I'm not going to his apartment, Alice." I shake my head into my mug and lean heavily on Jasper. I put my head on his shoulder and he pats the side of my hair.

"Yes you are! You go there and you find out what his fucking problem is! You say, _I don't know who you think you're dealing with, you fucking prick, but I'm not some tramp at your disposal to play with as you please!_"

"What if something happened to him? What if he was hit by a cab? Or mugged?" The tears return to my eyes at the thought of any one of those things happening to Edward. The hole in my chest is fresh and bleeding and I press my palm to the wound.

"He still should have called," she snarls.

"Oh come on Alice!"

"No, Bella. He stood you up. Jasper could be getting eaten alive by a pack of wild dogs and he'd still show up on time."

She's got a point there. I nudge my side into Jasper's side and he pushes back on me playfully. His sweetness only makes the tears pour out faster, soaking the upper arm of his thin sweater.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason why he wasn't there," Jasper interjects thoughtfully.

"Oh _please,_ Jasper," Alice rolls her eyes and continues pacing angrily. "I knew there was something fishy about that boy from the minute I laid eyes on him. Talented? Good looking? Great taste in music? All of it spells trouble."

Jasper shakes his head at his stubborn girlfriend. "Give him the benefit of the doubt, Al. I've tried calling him and he's not picking up for me either. Which means he isn't avoiding just _your_ calls, Bell. Something serious could have happened to him and we're standing around here talking shit."

**

I knock on the solid, metal door once...twice...three times with a shaking fist.

I hear far off voices coming from the cavernous interior where Edward and I spent our first truly intimate moments. My heart races as I recall them and I'm filled with a renewed sense of love for him, not the anger which Alice told me I should force myself to feel. I couldn't be angry with him until I knew for sure what was wrong and why he stood me up. Until then there was only the sound of Edward's sweet murmurs in my ear, his breathless whispers as he described his unyielding desire and affection for me, the weight and push of his body against mine and the pull of mine towards his whenever we parted. I had practiced my speech on the subway ride uptown, imagining every possible scenario, the endless number of ways I could begin the conversation and the various rebuttals Edward might give me. Sickness, fear, cold feet, change of heart. What I would do if he opened the door wrapped in a sheet, shivering and sweating blood. What I would do if he opened the door wrapped in a sheet naked and with Victoria in bed behind him.

The footsteps grow closer. I smooth my hair out of my eyes and imagine what Edward will come to the door wearing. The tight gray American Apparel tee that clings to every dip and ripple of his stomach? The threadbare navy button-down that looks like he's had since he was a boy scout? Definitely the worn, torn, low-hanging pair of Lucky jeans that sag in all the right places.

Maybe I'll forgo the interrogation and just tear off whatever the fuck he's wearing and pounce on him instead.

The sound of the chain sliding and the latch clicking disrupts my porno fantasy and I take a deep breath, ready to launch right into the discussion the second his beautiful face appears.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

My heart stops. My breathing ceases. My eyes fail to process the sight in front of me and for a split second everything goes dark.

The one thing I hadn't prepared for stood before me. Even if I had prepared for it, I wasn't prepared for it.

_Speak Bella. She's waiting.  
_

"Is Edward here?" I blurt out in an unrecognizable language.

"Edward?" And for a split second, a surge of hope soars within me at the possibility that I knocked on the wrong door.

"…Oh," the disapproving face of my enemy frowns. "You must be her."

"I'm sorry?"

"The girl from the bar. Bella or something? Edward told me about you."

"He did?"

"Briefly."

"…Is he here?"

"Here?" she repeats. "Surely he told you?" My confused expression must have given it away.

"No…"

"He went back to Forks."

"…_what_?" I didn't intend to whisper but I was nursing a knock-out punch to the gut.

"Not a girl of many words I see." Her condescending tone, patronizing smile and the fact that she has called me GIRL _twice_ like the word was covered in shit sends bile up my esophagus and ignites a fury in my depths that has me inches from clawing her eyes out.

"Edward and I are from a place called Forks. It's a town in Washington State. ...That's on the other side of this country."

"Yes I know where it is. I just…I didn't know he left. He didn't tell me."

"Not a very good friend then, is he?"

"I was worried. He hasn't picked up his phone and..."

"That's odd. He's been picking up for me. Well, anyway," she moves to close the door in my face but I jerk my hand forward and its hard surface slams painfully against my small palm.

"Is he alright?" I demand.

"I'm not at liberty to divulge that information to you, honey. If he wanted you to know where he is or how he's feeling I'm sure he would have told you himself. But he didn't so..." she shrugs with fake apology and I am paralyzed with rage at her self-importance.

"Could you at least tell him I stopped by?"

"Oh I'll make sure to do that when I fly out to see him tomorrow. ...Is there anything else you wanted?" Her confidence is unnerving and I feel my mouth dry up as my underarms moisten. My eyes threaten to betray me, tears pooling behind them. Holding back is causing my chin to tremble but I will never cry in front of her.

"Is he coming back?" I whisper, almost begging for her mercy.

"I don't see how that's any of your concern. Once I'm with him, he'll have everything he needs."


	23. Chapter 23

**I know it's been awhile without an update - btw thanks again for the reviews and YAY for new readers!! :D - so I thought I'd post an EPOV piece since he came across as kind of a dick in the last chapter ;p **

**There's more**** to come from Edward in Forks after this bit - stay tuned! **

**Steph Meyer owns Twilight!  
**

* * *

**EPOV**

I throw a wad of bills at the driver and exit the cab running. I race through the sliding doors of the Intensive Care Unit of Forks Community Hospital, slipping and sliding down the shiny hallway until I collide with the nurses station.

"Cullen," I say, skidding to a stop and startling the nurse on duty. I must look like a deranged escaped mental patient. My hair is wet and wild from the rain and I'm completely out of breath and sweating.

"Carlisle. ...Carlisle Cullen. Where is...Doctor Cullen..." I can't get the works to sound right as they exit my quivering lips.

"Are you relation?" the young nurse asks.

"Relation??" I repeat. "_Relation????_ He's my _fucking father!_" I bellow.

_Oops...shouldn't have done that. Hospital, Edwardo. Don't want to be escorted out after being in Forks for all of an hour, do ya?_

"...Yes," I say calmly, holding both my hands up in apology to show her that I am not carrying a concealed weapon nor am I bound in a straight jacket.

"I'm relation." I lean over the counter to try and see what she's looking at. I hear her shifting papers around and murmuring to one of the other nurses sitting next to her. Neither of them are frantic enough for my taste and I'm seconds away from screaming in their faces. If she clicks that pen one more time or ummmm's to herself while she searches her list for my father's name I think I might freak out. I think I might need to be admitted to a room of my own. I think I'm going to pass out and die right here in front of her while she takes her _goddamnfucking time_ answering my ONE. SIMPLE. QUESTION!!!!!

"Edward?"

I spin around at the sound of my name and the familiar voice that uttered it.

"Mom!"

She's walking briskly towards me with open arms. I collapse onto her. She puts her arms around me and even though I'm an adult, I'm her little boy again. She strokes my hair and kisses my ear and she smells like my mother and being up too long and fear.

"I got here as soon as I could," I mutter. I'm taller than she is yet she can still cradle me to her bosom.

"What happened?" I whimper, trying not to cry as I prepare myself for her answer.

"Where are your bags?" she asks, looking around the lobby. That distinct, medicinal hospital smell suddenly reaches my nostrils and panic clutches my chest.

"I didn't bring anything with me, mom. Are you going you tell me what happened? Where is he?"

"Oh." She lets go of me and smooths her blouse, a vacant far-away look in her eyes.

"The doctors are with him now. They're doing some tests. We have to wait out here and they'll be out to talk to us once they know something." Her hands are shaking and her eyes won't meet mine.

"Look at me, mom," I demand sternly. "Tell me what happened."

"Oh...Oh Edward." My name catches in her throat – the name my father chose for me twenty-three years ago – and fresh tears spring to her eyes. A wad of tissues are clumped in her fist and she drags them under her nose. I put my arm around her and she leads me deeper into the annals of the ICU.

"We had just sat down to dinner, she begins. "Roast duck. One of my specialties and your father's favorite. He had only had a few bites when his Blackberry went off. He excused himself. He said he needed to check on a patient. He gave me a kiss on the cheek on his way to grab his coat and briefcase. He told me dinner was delicious and that it would taste even better after a night in the fridge. I moved to get up but he said no, 'Finish your dinner, dear. No need to get up on my account. My apologies for once again disrupting the lovely evening you prepared for us. I'm a lucky man to have such a patient and supportive wife. Not to mention a beautiful one.' As he left he turned and said, 'Forgive me, Esme.' Those were his last words to me. Moments later I heard the crash. I ran to the front entranceway and there he was."

She puts her hand over her face to cover the way the memory contorts her stunning features, but she continues to talk.

"Your father is such a handsome man, Edward. You have no idea how much you look like he did when he was your age. There should be more pictures of him around the house as he was then...and as you are now. It scares me to see so much of him in you and almost none of me. All of me is in Rosalie. You'd think you both came from different sets of parents."

"What did you see, mom?" I shake her slightly to get her back on track.

"He was crumpled in a ball at the foot of the staircase, his hands clutching his chest so tightly his knuckles were white. His lips were turning blue. I screamed for Rosalie to call an ambulance and I ran to him."

**

Rosalie is sitting on the leather couch outside the intensive care unit facing the large glass window staring into an empty hospital room with an empty hospital bed. She's not wearing any makeup. I prefer her that way. I don't know why she feels the need to wear so much. Her fair blond hair is matted flat to her head and to the sides of her face.

She turns at the sound of my footsteps echoing down the white empty hallway. A weak smile perks up the sides of her mouth allowing me to immediately see the cut splitting her bottom lip down the center.

"Hey Eddie," her voice croaks, raw from hours of crying.

"Hey Rose." End of the nice hello's. Beginning of the interrogation. "Why don't you start by telling me what the _fuck_ happened to your face?"

"Are you _insane_?" she snaps. "Not in front of mom." She pulls me down the hallway by my elbow and around the corner.

"Rosalie, what the fuc-"

"Lower your voice," she growls through clenched teeth.

"Not until you tell me who did that to your face!!" She turns her back to me so I can't see her. I grab her by the shoulder and spin her around.

"Look at me," I say to the second member of my family in ten minutes.

"...It was a misunderstanding."

"Oh yeah? And what's this _misunderstanding's_ name so I can straighten him – I mean, IT – out?"

"You won't, Edward?! Please?" She has the same look in her eye that she had after I found her folded in her bed with a James-sized black and blue on her cheek. She also knows it's best if I don't have to ask her for his name again.

"It's Royce," she sighs. "But you can't, Edward. Not with daddy sick and mom a mess. Promise me you won't do anything. Edward. Please promise me."

"Fine."

She smiles and squeezes my hand but she knows I'm lying. Well, partially lying. I won't do anything...while my father is sick.

A doctor appears from the depths of the dark hallway behind me with a clipboard in his hand and flanked on both sides by younger versions of himself in white lab coats. Interns most likely.

"Miss Cullen," he addresses my sister.

"Hi Doctor Weaver. This is my brother, Edward."

"Edward," he extends his hand and I shake it. "You made it here in no time at all. Very good. Let's find your mother, shall we?" He motions for us to lead the way and we join my mom in front of the ICU.

"Mrs. Cullen."

"Dr. Weaver! Please tell me you have news on my husband's condition?! No one has told me anything for hours! They took him _hours_ ago and no one's been back since. Is he alright?"

"He's stable, Mrs. Cullen." He takes a deep breath and puts the clipboard under his arm to give us his full attention. "Your husband...your father...had a heart attack. He has also suffered a broken shoulder and a fractured pelvis from his fall down the staircase."

"A _heart attack_? My husband just celebrated his forty-third birthday last month, Doctor Weaver."

"Heart disease begins affecting men around age forty, Mrs. Cullen. They're three times more likely to develop heart disease than women in their forties. I admit I was surprised that Carlisle suffered a heart attack at his age, however, his blood pressure is unsettlingly high, which indicates he is at risk for developing type 2 diabetes."

"Could this have been prevented?" I ask, rubbing my mom's back.

"What makes high blood pressure so dangerous, Edward, is that there _are no_ symptoms. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't make you feel sick or dizzy, meanwhile the pressure building up in your blood vessels is affecting how some important parts of your body work. It causes your heart to pump harder and over time high blood pressure can lead to congestive heart failure, stroke, or kidney failure. It's a very serious condition."

My mom's eyes widen and she grips my forearm for support. Dr. Weaver senses her increasing instability and smiles warmly.

"Don't be scared, Mrs. Cullen. Dr. Cullen is a strong man. We are running more tests and will take proactive steps to ensure that none of those things happen."

"Esme, please," my mom says stoically.

"Of course. Esme."

"I am somehow to blame for this," she shakes her head angrily. "I should be cooking better, making him take better care of himself. I told him to stop working such long hours. I saw that he looked run down, tired all the time, and yet I let him go on. This is all my fault."

"You weren't to know, Esme. You cannot take responsibility for this. It is the best doctors who are too busy taking care of others to take care of themselves. Dr. Cullen is neither overweight nor physically inactive. Quite the opposite. In fact, he is my racquetball partner at the fitness center. Unfortunately, this means that his condition is most likely the result of genetics and family history mixed with bad luck. Something that cannot be prevented or treated in advanced. Something you don't see coming."

My mother sighs and closes her eyes and nods in understanding. "Thank you, Dr. Weaver. I am greatly comforted knowing that you are in charge of my husband's medical condition and his recovery."

"I feel equally responsible for the well-fare of his family, Mrs. Cullen. Esme. You should go home and get some sleep. There's nothing more that can be done until the tests come back from the lab and the nerves and blood vessels in Dr. Cullen's legs have been thoroughly examined to deduce the extent of the fracture. We will call you first thing in the morning once we've had a look at the results."

"With all due respect, Dr. Weaver, I am not going anywhere. That's my husband in there. I only have one and I am not leaving this hospital unless he's coming with me. ...Edward, you take Rosalie home. I'm staying here with your father."

**

**

As I ascend the long, winding staircase to the second floor I close my eyes and try to push out the images of my father at the bottom, powerless and paralyzed with pain, clutching his chest and unable to call out for help. The stricken look on my mother's face when she finds him there, consoling him until the ambulance arrives. My sister, fraught and beaten, left to pull together the pieces.

My room looks exactly as it did when I left it months ago. I kick my Converse into my walk-in closet and pad across the plush wine-colored carpet to the French double doors that lead to my private balcony overlooking the sprawling front yard.

"Edward?" Rose's voice echoes through my spacious bedroom.

"Out here."

Her soft footsteps approach behind me like they have for years. So many hours we've spent out here growing up. Her bedroom doesn't have a balcony, a fact that she only a few years ago stopped reminding me about.

"Hey."

"Hey Rosie." I sigh and squint into the moonlight.

"I brought ya something." She digs into her jean pocket and pulls out a joint. She hands it to me and I put it between my two fingers and run it under my nose, taking in the familiar scent. I haven't smoked pot since the night before I left for New York...out here on this balcony with Rosalie.

"Nice. You rolled this yourself?" She nods and smiles. I flip open my Zippo, I light hers first and then light mine. The moon is high and bright and right outside my bedroom. Our smoke furls towards it as we stand next to each other in silence.

"When does Victoria get here?" she asks as she inhales and her shoulders immediately relax.

"Tomorrow I think."

"Her father already called."

I nod. "I figured."

We're quiet again. I let out thin trials of smoke through my nostrils with a sigh.

"I want to know more about Royce."

"No," she answers swiftly, concentrating on the moon; it's light bathing her in a muted yellow glow. I'm once again struck by how gorgeous my sister is.

"I broke up with Victoria last night."

That turns her head. A genuine look of shock crosses her face. I take a long drag off my joint and hold her stare without flinching.

"Wow." She takes a drag off hers and returns her attention to the moon. It's getting chilly out and the breeze whips through the air. Of course Rosalie is not dressed appropriately for the weather in a tight pink short sleeve tee with a glittery CK logo scrawled across it. She runs her hands up and down her bare arms. I take off my jacket and toss it at her.

"Your high school track jacket?" she mumbles, sticking her arms through the too-long sleeves.

I shrug. "It's all that was left in my closet."

She zips it all the way to the top and snuggles into my warmth. "So, why'd you do it? I thought you were going to come home and announce that the two of you were getting married or something. Mommy keeps dropping hints...about how happy it would make daddy."

"Don't, Rosalie."

"Sorry. But you know how much they love her. Or at least the idea of her, and of you and her together. It's gross. I've never understood it – I think she's a cunt - I don't know how you stayed with her this long. But I guess I'm not one to talk, huh? Still. Victoria as my sister in law? Blech." She sticks her tongue out and fake gags. I snort and blow smoke rings into the air.

"How'd she take it?"

"Hard to tell. It literally happened right before mom called, so it kind of got dropped."

"Well, don't worry, I won't say anything."

"I know you won't. But there's more."

"Ooooh, that's a very leading statement, big brother. Spill it."

I laugh at her tingling interest. "You're such a gossip queen. ...Alright. Ready?? .....I'm in love with Chief Swan's daughter."

She coughs up her toke and I slap her on the back til she regains her composure. "Chief Swan has a daughter?? I thought he lived alone. He is a DILF, though. Hmm. Did she go to Forks High?? I don't remember her."

"No, she grew up in Phoenix with her mom but she's living in New York City now. She's amazing, Rose. You know I don't believe in God or Divine intervention or any of that crap, but there's no other way to explain how lucky I am to have met her the way I did."

"Which was?"

"I tripped over her. Literally. On the sidewalk. I knocked into her, knocked her down. I thought she was going to beat the shit out of me." I laugh out loud as I recall the appalled look on Bella's sweaty face that sweltering August afternoon and how it turned to amazement once our eyes met.

"Ugh but Rose, I really think I fucked things up with her. This whole Victoria thing. You have no idea how patient she's being about it, how understanding. I feel like a fucking pig. I totally just left, too, without even telling her. I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sure she hates me now and thinks I'm scum. God, I'm such a fuck up!"

"Shut up you are not. So are you sleeping with her?" Rosalie tongues the hardened blood that's holding the middle of her split lip together and turns her face at an angle to hide the light shade of purple that's surfacing around the corner of her mouth. She knows the version of me a few months ago would be grilling her mercilessly for the whereabouts of the fucker that did that to her. She also knows that my mind is already working out the details of how I'm going to pound his face into the ground and leave him clinging to his life and his dignity on the forest floor without getting caught by the Chief of the Forks Police Department. All in due time, my pretty. All in due time.

"Yes." I answer. "But it didn't start out that way. I told her everything right from the start. I knew she was special and I didn't want to start out by lying to her. She said we should just be friends, and I understood. I'd take what I could get. She's that amazing, Rose, you have no idea. So anyway, the_ friend_ shit worked for about two seconds. We started hanging out all the time and one thing led to another. We got really drunk one night and...it just sort of happened...and then it kept happening..."

I stop and look for Rosalie's reaction to what I've said so far, to know if I should keep going or stop. My sister is the least judgmental person I know. Despite her own bad decisions, she knows right from wrong. She's never been a feminist and she's never yelled at me for the way I've handled my private life. When she disagrees with me, and she often has, it's always with a sound reason and very little emotion. Somehow that gets to me more than if she called me names or told me I was ruining my life. She leaves that to my father.

"She knows about Victoria?"

I nod.

"She knows you're _living_ with Victoria?"

I nod. _Um, yeah, we fucked in her bed._

"She knows that you moved across the country to be with her?"

I raise my eyebrow. "And she still slept with you?" I nod again.

Rosalie ponders this and begins pacing the length of my balcony, puffing on the last half of her joint and fishing a new baggie out of her pocket.

"You still buying from Mike Newton?"

She confirms with a mumble, pushing her long blond locks away from her face. "He's such a little shit. I hate having to buy from him now that you're gone."

Newton and I started a little side business when I came back from South America and enrolled in community college. It kept Rose in free herb until I left Forks and Mike started charging her. I'll have to have a word with him about that.

"So. Let me understand this." Rosalie returns to the discussion at hand. "You move out to New York to be with Victoria. You tell daddy you're going to work it out with her, but instead you meet Chief Swan's daughter...what's her name?"

"Isabella. ...Bella."

"Bella. That's pretty. Ok so you meet Bella one day, you guys start hanging out and...wait a sec...I thought you got a job at Victoria's office?"

"I did."

"_And_ you started law school like you told daddy you would?"

"Yup. Aren't I a good little boy? So disciplined."

"Yeah right." She snerks and rolls her eyes. "and in between all that you managed to fall in love with another woman?"

"Uh huh. Big time."

"Wow. No wonder you never call."

* * *

**Like I said above, more Forksward to come. Please review - love, hate, or indifferent!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Aww so it seems like the last chapter didn't win Forksward any new fans :( but in his defense, even though he ran to his family's side the second he heard the news about his father AND he's a scatterbrain, Bella is still on his mind 24/7. That has not changed. he just needs to get his shit together.  
**

**More EPOV. There's going to be a couple more of these EPOV's until we find out WTF is going on with Bella back in NY.**

**Please forgive any typos.  
**

**SM owns Twilight.  
**

**

* * *

  
**

**EPOV**

The last thing I want to be faced with on a chilly Forks morning is to pull into the hospital parking lot on my way to visit my father in intensive care and see Victoria and her father walking through the automatic doors dressed like they just arrived to a Hollywood premiere.

I groan and press my palms into my eye sockets. Rosalie parks in family parking and shuts the engine off. She shifts in her seat and looks at me through tired eyes.

We were up late last night, smoking and talking on my balcony. We woke up at 5am both curled up together at the foot of my bed just like we used to when either of us got in trouble and were sent to our rooms without supper. On top of the covers without blankets and in the clothes we wore all day that reeked of pot and cigarettes we slept silently until the phone rang. It was mom calling from the hospital with an update on my father's condition. _No better, no worse_ isn't much of an update but Rose and I parted ways to shower and dress. I looked for something to wear in my closet. All that was left was an oversized Nike sweatshirt and a few concert tees that I didn't bring with me to NY. A few stray pairs of boxers and assorted mismatched socks and the ugliest pair of khaki's my Great-Aunt Edna gave me that I'd never worn and never would. I kept on the same pair of Lucky jeans that I wore here and slipped a black and purple Modern Lovers t-shirt over my head followed by the blue and gray hooded sweatshirt. I wasn't about to ask Rose to borrow hair product so I let my hair stand straight up in all directions to dry at right angles.

"Come on. Let's go in." Rosalie puts her small hand on my shoulder and rubs it reassuringly. She opens her door and pushes me to open mine. "It's going to be alright, Eddie."

I hope she's right.

**

"Alastair. Victoria. It's so wonderful to see you both and so nice of you to come."

The smile on my mother's face as she embraces them and nods at their well wishes creates an acidic pit of nausea in my stomach. The extra large Dunkin Donuts coffee I sucked down on the way here isn't helping. I stand with my hands clasped behind my back and wait for my turn to receive them. I flick Rosalie a cross-eyed look of annoyance mixed with disgust. She catches it and giggles into her shoulder.

"Edward." Alastair extends his hand and I shake it, but only because my mom is watching. I say nothing and he walks past me and into my father's room without another word to me or my sister.

Asshole.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." Victoria throws her arms around my neck and presses her lips to mine. I jerk back but I don't pull her off. Not with my mother watching. Not with us standing in the hallway outside my father's hospital room.

"For what?" I ask without emotion. _For being a frigid bitch?_

"For what happened to your father. And for not being able to come sooner. I had..."

"Meetings." I finish the end to every one of her sentences. I untie her arms from my neck and hold her hands at my waist to keep her from hugging me again.

"It's fine," I say without another thought about it.

I'm three thousand miles away.

**

She keeps making little gestures of ownership; brushing by me on purpose, touching the back of my neck, leaning over my shoulder so her hair falls into my face. The entire time we're in the cafeteria she's doing it – leaning on me, looking at me, touching me, pressing her body into mine while we're in line at the register. Every second of her presence makes me yearn desperately for another. It's Bella I want beside me. It's Bella's face, Bella's touch, Bella's scent, the way she licks her lips after she puts Chapstick on because she likes the way it tastes. The way _she_ tastes. I need her. I need to feel her, to touch her. Fuck. I just need to _talk_ to her.

I want to get these sandwiches for my mother and sister and get the fuck out of here. The line at the caff is long and I've already been in this damn hospital all day with no break – no break from the sickness, updates on the sickness, the sight of my dad tubed, his eyes fluttering open and closed as he's poked and prodded and surrounded by doctors and nurses and screens monitoring his existence. And I could take all of that, I could handle every second of it and more if only those seconds weren't accompanied by Victoria's constant presence at my side…attached to me like my father is to the heart monitor.

I have to figure out a way to get in touch with Bella. I can't find my phone anywhere. I'm sure that means I left it at the apartment in New York like a fucking spazz. I'm lucky I remembered my wallet that night, drunk and trying to make spur of the moment decisions. Damn cell phones making it impossible to remember people's numbers. I have no clue how to get in touch with her. I could call the club where she works. Yes! I could do that! I could look up the number and call the club and pray to god she answers.

My mind is still racing. If only I could make it stop moving. If only I had a second to think without distraction; without pretending to be patient and strong, without pretending not to be shit scared every time a doctor says '_Excuse me, Mr. Cullen? About your father...'_, without the constant waiting around for test results and updates on his various conditions; the vague answers they give, the desperate look on my mother's face as she tries to follow the medical jargon they throw at her. Throw in the distraction of me trying to weasel information out of my sister as to what the fuck is going on with her and it's no wonder my hands haven't stopped trembling since I landed.

How many different ways can my family fall apart around me?

I want answers from Rosalie. I want to know how she got into yet another abusive relationship. I want to know why she keeps letting herself be taken advantage of and disrespected by men who don't deserve her. When will she stop giving herself away? Why doesn't she love herself enough to stop? I thought she had learned. I thought all of our talks and brother/sister heart to hearts had gotten through to her. Nothing hurts me more than watching my sister smile through the pain. It hurts more than watching my father lay motionless while they change his catheter. It hurts more than watching my mother try to keep her eyes open so she doesn't for one minute miss looking at my dad for fear that that moment might be her last.

The only comparable pain I've felt since is the pain of being away from Bella; the crippling fear of losing her, the endless thoughts that I might never have her for my own, the possibility that she might never forgive me, that her feelings for me have changed or have been discarded. I compare the severity of those feelings to those I had every time I tracked someone down who'd hurt my sister. Determination, a clutching nausea in my chest, my lungs burning, my eyes watering.

Then the added pressure of Victoria and her fucking father descending like vultures on the scene, their prying eyes and fake furrowed brows, their concerned tone as they badger the staff for more blankets, more pillows for my father's bed. Like he needs more fucking pillows!

I want to scream. But I don't.

I want to punch someone. But I don't.

I want to cry. But I won't.

Victoria laces her arm through mine as we exit the cafeteria and the grip of her talons on my elbow is the last straw. I stop in my tracks and turn to face her.

"Look, Victoria," I begin. Her face smiles up at mine.

_Is that adoration in her eyes? Why is she looking at me like that? It's creeping me out._

"I didn't want to get into this here..." I snatch my elbow out of her clutches and smash the UP button on the elevator. "...but I meant what I said the other night, ok? It's O-VER. I appreciate your support or whatever and the fact that you came out here was really nice and all, but that's where it ends. That's where _we_ end. _Stop_ acting like we're still together. And _don't_ kiss me again, not in front of my family, not anywhere. I don't want to make a scene in a hospital, so just…_don't_."

The elevator doors shuuuush open and we step in. They shush closed.

"You're ending us just like that," she says clearly, looking straight ahead. "You're ending everything we have just _like that?!_ Like the last _five years_ meant _nothing_ to you!?" Her voice is rising and echoing around the small chamber. "You move out to be with me and you're not there _two fucking months_ and you've already met someone who you're willing to give up _everything_ we have for?!!"

"You keep saying _WE_. What the fuck do _I_ have?! A frozen trust fund? Cancelled credit cards? My father's disappointment? My mother's ambivalence? It's _you_ who have everything! _You've_ always gotten _exactly_ what you wanted!"

"And I _want_ YOU."

"Oh really? And when did you decide that?" I hiss under my breath as a hospital janitor with a bucket of dirty water and a mop rolls by. "When you were _fucking_ your _professor_ at UCLA? After you broke up with me on my graduation day to be with him? Or while I was roaming South America in a complete headfuck after you left?""

"We got back together, Edward. Why are you bringing that up now? That's the past."

"To you, maybe. But then again it's always been easy for you to forget and move on, hasn't it? You never took the time to notice that I don't work the same way. I tried, Victoria. I really tried with you, but I don't want to try anymore."

We turn the corner and instantly I hear a voice I recognize but haven't heard in months. It's a male voice that's not my father's but that gives me the same spine-tingling shakes when it addresses me.

I take a few steps further and see the all too familiar uniform of the Forks Police Department. I suck in my breath and Victoria follows my gaze down to the end of the hall until it lands on Chief Swan. His back is to us and he's talking to my mother. Their voices are low from where I'm standing but I can still hear them talking.

"Charlie, how good of you to come," my mothers exhausted voice says sincerely.

"Wish I coulda made it sooner, Esme. There's been a crime spree hitting all the stores in the center of town the last two weeks and we've been out in full force trying to find the perps. I got all my men on it working double shifts and…ahh, anyway that's no excuse. I shoulda been here right away. …How's he doing?"

"He's making progress I suppose. Tomorrow he'll be moved to a regular room."

"Well that is good news," he exhales and stuffs his hands in his trouser pockets. I notice the bulge of his gun holster.

I walk towards them and take my place by my mother's side. "I brought you and Rosalie something to eat, ma. I'll put it over there."

"Thank you, sweetie. …You remember, Chief Swan, don't you?"

Is she kidding? How else would _she_ know Chief Swan if it weren't for all the times his cruiser dropped me off in front of our house in the middle of the night or the number of times my father had to bring bail money down to the precinct to drag my sorry ass home?

I put out my hand, unsure if he'll take it. My heart is gushing inside my chest. This man is Bella's father. Bella Swan. This is her father. Bella's dad. Bella.

I swallow thickly as he takes my hand and squeezes. "Hello Chief Swan."

"Hello Edward."

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course."

His eyes are the same shade of brown as his daughter's. Deep, rich chocolate. I wonder if they lighten to a burnt cocoa in the sun like Bella's do.

A nurse arrives to take my father's vitals and my mother follows her into the room, leaving me and the Chief alone in the hallway. Dammit. Where's Rosalie when you need her?

"So. Edward. Making it big in California?"

"Umm, I'm not in California, sir. I live in New York now."

"Oh." His eyebrows knit together and he runs his thumb across his black mustache. "…No shit," he mumbles absentmindedly. "Coulda sworn your father said something about California."

I smile politely.

"…My daughter is living in New York now. ...I think." His thought trails off.

"Yes, sir. ...Bella."

He shoots me a look of shock and elation. "You know her?"

He has every right to look surprised. There's no reason I should know his daughter's name. She was never in the Forks school system. He never brought her up while he was arresting me. It's possible he could have told my father and my father could have told me in between groundings and lectures, but I doubt it.

"Yes, sir. I sometimes play at the poetry cafe where she works."

"Play? Play what?"

"Music, sir. Um, I play the guitar and I sing...there...sometimes."

"You're playing clubs again?" Victoria interrupts. I had forgotten she was there. "You didn't tell me that."

I ignore her and look through the glass window pane at my father receiving an injection of some kind. Chief Swan moves to stand next to me. It's like we're at the movies but standing up. It's quiet and I want to ask him a hundred thousand questions about Bella. He's right here. Her blood. He made her. I want to hug him and thank him for doing that. Will there ever be the right time?

He finally breaks the silence before it turns awkward. "Your father told me you're going to law school." He nods through the glass. "At the gas station the other day. I ran into him and I asked how you were. He seemed very proud of you."

"No offense, sir, but I find that very hard to believe."

We watch Dr. Weaver talking to my mother. Her eyes are welling up with tears. This can't be good. My father looks like a stick figure in a giant bed, swallowed up by the blankets and dozen pillows, held together by tubes and bags and machines. The doc moves to walk out of the room and I notice Rosalie sitting at my father's side, her sunken eyes and quivering busted lip.

Dr. Weaver clicks the door shut behind him and stands in front of me and Charlie with his back to Victoria. I watch his lips move and out of the corner of my eye I can see Charlie nodding like he's listening to testimony. I don't know what he's saying and I don't care anymore. I don't want to hear anything unless it's telling me that my father is coming home or that he's dead. I can't stand anymore of this 'break it to him gently' or 'we need to run some more tests' crap.

The clock on the wall say 9:34. I'm assuming that's PM since we arrived at 7am this morning and haven't left since. Rosalie finally convinced my mom to go home for the night. She's going to sleep with her in her room. She can't bear to be in that enormous four-poster bed without my father.

They exit my father's room and I help my mother with her raincoat. I hug her and tell her to get some sleep.

"Where are you going?" Rose asks me, pulling on her jacket. "It's late."

"I'll be home soon." I pull her into a hug and tell her to take care of mom. "Don't let her fall asleep alone."

Victoria and her father are gathering their things, which I assume means they're leaving as well. I tell her I'll see her later. I don't know what else to say. She responds coolly and I place a chaste kiss on the far side of her cheek. She leaves with her father and I pray they're not at my house when I get back. I don't like the way her douchebag dad stares his pervo eyes at my mother. To call my mother a MILF is an understatement. She was a beauty pageant queen and fashion model before she met my father and looks like she hasn't aged a day since she turned twenty-five.

With everyone gone it's now me, the Chief, and the beeps from the heart monitor. I see where Bella inherited her adorably awkward ticks and gawky movements. Chief Swan looks like he's suddenly woken up and realized he left the house without putting any clothes on.

"Would you like to get a cup of coffee, Chief Swan?" I ask hesitantly. "…With me, I mean?"

He looks at his watch and then at my father. "Sure, Edward," he agrees and I follow him out to his police cruiser.

"First time riding in the front," I joke, suddenly nervous. I put my seatbelt on and sit up straight.

We drive in silence to a small, rustic diner in the center of town. From the reception he receives when we enter, I get the feeling that Charlie is a "regular."

"Wow, I haven't been here in ages," I say as the waitress walks us to our table. "It looks exactly the same as I remember."

"Edward Cullen?" the waitress asks curiously after she's taken our drink order. I nod and smile meekly trying to hide my face. The last time I was in this diner it was after an all night bender and I don't remember much other than yelling across the room to tell Tyler Wilcox to go fuck himself and proceeding to chuck a buttered roll at his head.

Charlie hasn't said a word since we left the hospital and I'm beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. He's not a large man, average height, not overly muscular, but he exudes a no-nonsense attitude and intimidation factor that leaves my stomach in knots. I remember being surprised at the way he threw me across the hood of his cruiser with ease and agility and had me cuffed before I even had a chance to resist arrest.

_"I'm not going to book you for possession this time, Edward. Out of respect for your family and the weight the Cullen name carries in this town, but you cross me again and I'll plaster your record in every storefront on Main Street. I know you're selling dope with that Newton brat. I haven't caught you yet, but I will and when I do, you're going to wish you stayed in South America."_

_I shrugged cockily._

_"You're better than this, Edward. I'm sick of seeing your face every weekend. Sober up and I'll take you home."_

"So Edward," Charlie asks in between popping fries into his mouth. "...How's Bella?"

I nearly choke on the scalding coffee.

"Uhh, excuse me, sir?" I wipe at my mouth and down my chest with my napkin. From the very little that Bella has told me about her family, I can pretty much say with relative confidence that her relationship with her father is strained at best. They talk very little, if at all.

So why do I feel like I'm being set up?

"You said you knew her," he raises his bushy black eyebrows at me. "I'm asking how she is."

"She's, uh..."

_Well, Charlie old boy, here's the thing. Bella is spectacular. She's small but strong, she's tough but she's also fragile; she's smart, brilliant even; sometimes she's shy but other times she's unbelievably outgoing and and assertive and she catches me off guard and gets me to look at things in ways I'd never thought of before. Did I mention she's gorgeous? Not like one of those phony Sex and the City bitches. Not even like a model. She's pure and natural and real and genuine and I love her. I'm madly head-fuckingly, crazily, incoherently, desperately in love with her and it terrifies the shit out of me. Does that about sum it up for you?_

"She's very well, sir."

"Uh huh. You don't say. Well, that's good to know." He's still for a moment, his expression more sullen than usual and I shift in the booth uncomfortably. Finally he sighs a resigned sigh. I've sighed that type of sigh many times. It's the sigh you sigh when you've given up.

"I'm asking you how she _is_, Edward, so if you know anything more than that, I'd appreciate you telling me. I would like to know how my daughter is."

His watery brown eyes are pleading with me to provide him with some solace and relief. I've never felt sorry for him before, I'm usually cursing and struggling and telling to get his fucking mitts off me while he's throwing me into the back seat of his police cruiser, but in front of me is not the Chief of Police, sitting across from me right now is a father, a lonely man who misses his little girl. Even if she was shitty I'd lie to him. Luckily, his daughter is the light of my ever-loving life. Mental note to leave out the sex parts.

"She's wonderful, Chief Swan. She's my best friend. I'm very lucky to know her."

He widens his eyes as if to ask, _That's it_??

"Jesus, Edward. I thought _I_ was a man of few words." _Did he just laugh?_

"Ok. How about this?" I clear my throat and go for broke. "I love her, sir. ...Those might be the most important words I've ever said."

"You do, huh?" He's still laughing. In fact that made him laugh even harder. His shoulders are shaking. He doesn't seem to be as phased by my declaration of love for his only child as I expected him to be. If anything, I expected him to leap across the table and shatter my skull with his bare hands.

"Have you told her?" he signals to the waitress for more coffee.

"No, sir."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Ummm. What am I waiting for?" I repeat to myself. I pull at my hair and scrunch my forehead as I try to find where to begin.

"I guess, first of all...I wanted to straighten out this mess I'm in with Victoria," I laugh awkwardly. Chief Swan isn't laughing anymore. _Shit_. _Backpedal, Edward, and fast_.

"What I mean is, she and I have this stupid past that's cluttered up and confused the shit out of my life for years, and I'm trying to cut those ties without making the current situation with my father's illness any more stressful on my family. Her father and mine go way back and it's...it's really fucked up...in a nutshell...sir."

I wait for him to kill me. He doesn't, so I continue.

"And I wanted to put my life in order, or at least get it on the right track. ...Um. I wanted to finally finish school, no matter what it's for, I didn't care. I wanted to do it to show myself that I could...and so my father could see once and for all that I'm not a waste."

"Those are all noble things, Edward." I notice he drinks his coffee black. Just like Bella.

"I want to be the right kind of man for your daughter, Chief Swan. I haven't done a very good job of it so far, I'm afraid. The last time I saw her I was distant and cold and I could tell by the look on her beautiful face that she didn't understand why. I hurt her, sir...something I swore I would never do. ....maybe she'd be better off if I didn't come back."

"Is that what you want?"

"...Not at all. I want to be with her. ...She's my dream girl. We have so much fun together. She's like no one I've ever known. She makes me feel special and important. She challenges me without being condescending. She's always happy to see me and sad to see me go. I'd do anything for her, Chief Swan. I mean it. I _will_ do anything for her, and if she ever gives me me another chance, I'll prove it to her."

"Kids," he mumbles, swirling the coffee in his coffee mug before taking a sip. "Well, Edward, I'm not much of an advice giver, so whatever you need to do to fix things with Bella, do it."

"Thank you, sir. I will. ...Hey, Chief Swan? You wouldn't happen to have Bella's phone number, would you? I left without saying goodbye, without giving her any explanation at all. She doesn't know what happened and probably thinks I'm still in New York and that I'm fucking blowing her off in the most dickish of ways."

"Wish I could help you out, Edward, but I don't have it. Last time I heard from Bella was when she called me for my birthday a few months ago. She left a message but didn't leave her number. I tried to get it from her mother but...me and Renee, we're not exactly on the best terms right now."

"Right, sure thing. It's ok, sir. She probably wouldn't speak to me anyway."

"Bella has always been very stubborn."

I snicker. No surprise there. "I wish I had known her when she was in Forks. Things could have been so different."

"Yeah well, fat chance of that happening. She was never the biggest fan of this place. When she did come, on holidays or over summer break, she spent most of the time in her room. Can't say I blame her. We're the same in that way. Don't like going out much. What do they call it...that social anxiety." He lets out a long breath and reaches into his coat for his wallet.

"Her mother and I have a difficult relationship and that's affected me and Bella. Didn't get any better when Renee re-married and Bella stopped wanting to visit. I went down to Phoenix when she graduated high school, but, Phil and me...we don't mix well. Renee told me not to come back. Then Bella went to college and that was it."

Charlie pays the bill and gets up without another word. I slide out of the booth and follow after him, smiling a thank you at our waitress and ignoring the oogling stares and giggles from the table-full of girls sitting in the booth behind us. We drive back to my house in silence.

"Thanks for the coffee, Chief Swan."

"You're welcome, Edward. Give your family my best. I'll try to pay your father another visit in the next day or so. And if you do talk to Bella again...y'know...if you could..." His eyes say it all and I nod. _I'll tell her you love her._

The house is quiet when I walk inside. I breathe a sigh of relief and head to the kitchen for a drink to find Rosalie in her silk pajamas at the stove with a pot of herbal tea. She whips around with a spoon pointed at me. She looks fucking furious.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!!! What the fuck did you do now?!!"

"Huh?? What are you talking about?"

"Why did you just get dropped off in a police cruiser?? Jesus fucking Christ. You can't go two fucking days in this town without getting into trouble, can you?? What was it this time? Huh? Someone looked at you funny? Mike Newton told you I was a great lay so you broke his jaw?!!"

"Rose, calm the hell down. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not in trouble. Chief Swan and I went to the diner." She immediately goes silent.

"......You went to the diner with Chief Swan." She puts the spoon on the counter and picks up her mug of steaming tea. "I think I might actually be at a loss for words on that one."

I smirk and give her a kiss on the forehead. "It's ok. I'm sure it won't happen again. The coffee with the Chief _and_ your loss for words. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Oh, and can I use your computer?"

**

Rose pads into my bedroom around midnight and hands me a huge mug of tea. I'm freshly showered and under the covers reading my father's copy of Leaves of Grass. I knew I'd find it in his office library and it might sound cheesy, but it makes me feel closer to Bella. I pretend that she's laying next to me, her soft body pressed against mine, her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed and her fingertips stroking my arm while I read to her. I put the book on the nightstand and sit up. I take the mug between my palms. I bring it to my nose and sniff it.

"Just drink it. You'll like it," she says, sitting on the bed next to me. I do as I'm told. And she's right.

"It's good," I admit, sitting up more and making room for her to fold her legs next to me. "How's mom?"

"I just checked on her. She's out like a light with the help of her friend Mr. Valium. ...Oh and Denny called while you were in the shower. I told him you were in town but that you don't have a cell phone. He wants you to call him."

"He's going to want me to go out to a bar with him and get shit-faced. I'm not in the mood."

"You should go out, Edward. There's no point in sitting around here pining for Bella every night. ...Did you try to call her?"

"I found the number of the club online."

"And?! Did you call??"

I nod.

"Well???? Did you talk to her???" She bounces in place on the bed.

"Emmett answered," I grumble, rolling on my stomach and burying my face in the pillow.

"Soooo? Did he put her on?"

"No he didn't put her on," I say into the pillow. "...The conversation went like this...*ring ring* 'Bowery'. 'Hey Em, it's Edward. Is Bella there?' 'What the fuck do you care if she's here?' 'Come on, Em, let me talk to her.' 'Fuck you.' *click*"

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"Oh honey I'm sorry." She squeezes my hand thoughtfully. "Y'know, I was thinking. Maybe you should go back to New York. Find Bella. Talk to her. Explain what happened. She'll definitely forgive you."

"That's a very romantic notion but you know I can't do that. Not with dad's surgery tomorrow. I can't leave you and mom like that. It's not right."

"You've got a good heart, Eddie, whether you believe that or not, it's true."

"Ha. Thanks. Now either get under or get out," I tease. "I'm going to sleep."

"I'm gonna stay with mom in my room, but thanks for the tempting offer." She rolls her eyes and hugs me goodnight. I hug her back tightly with both arms around her tiny waist.

"Call Denny!" she calls out as she closes the door behind her.

**

I'm sleeping dreamlessly when a rush of chilly air blows across my skin. I've kicked the covers down to the end of the bed in a restless fit of tossing and turning throughout the night. I don't remember leaving the balcony doors open. My eyes try to adjust to the darkness when I suddenly realize that I cannot get up. It's as if a weight has been strapped to the center of my body. But the weight is moving, squirming, wiggling rhythmically. It's making heavy breathing sounds and it's grown hands and fingers that are running up and down my chest. My arm darts to the lamp on the bedside table and the room is flooded in white light.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!" I shriek. Straddling my waist , her knees clamping my hips in a vice and her hands underneath my shirt and fingering my chest hairs, is Victoria in a black mini-skirt and elastic tank top.

"What in the name of fucking Christ do you think you're doing?!!" I exclaim in a panic. I grab her wrists to restrain her from pulling my shirt over my head and I attempt to sit up, which is difficult with her weight pushing down on me.

"Stoppit, Victoria. I'm warning you. If you don't get off me I'm going to have to _force_ you off. And it's going to hurt."

She's rubbing her pubic bone into my crotch to force me into an erection. Her skirt has ridden all the way up her thighs and I can see that she's not wearing any underwear. My stomach is boiling over in anger. There is nothing erotic or sexy or sensual about this moment.

"I said STOP!!" I bellow, flipping her onto her back, bouncing her roughly onto the mattress. I leap off the bed and dart to my bedroom door. I turn and look back at her. She's splayed across the mattress, her wild red hair covering the pillows. She's panting; a feral, possessed look in her eyes,

"Get! Out! You can go quietly on your own or I will _escort_ you out. And if I have to escort you out, you better believe it will NOT be a pleasant exit."

"You know you want this, Edward. Look at you." She points to my semi-erection.

"What the fuck do you expect, you fucking PSYCHO!!? I'm a MAN. You were dry humping me. It's a natural reaction!! There's no way in hell I'm fucking you so you can just forget that!! Now get out of my BED get out of my ROOM get out of my HOUSE!!!!!" I'm yelling so loud I'm shocked my mother or Rosalie haven't come tearing down the corridor to see what the commotion is all about.

"How the fuck did you get in here anyway??"

"I want you, Edward. ...And I _always_ get what I want. You can't tell me you don't want me anymore. That you'd rather have that skinny, plain, boring, mousy little _girl_. Do you really think she can satisfy you?" She giggles and slowly rises off the bed.

"Do you think she has the slightest idea what to do with a man like you? A man like you, Edward Cullen..." She takes a long stride, bridging the gap between us while accentuating her words with each step. "...Big..." Another long stride. "....Tall..." And another. "...Strong..." She's close enough now that I can smell the french vanilla. "Gorgeous and muscular. Smart and sexy. You need a woman who knows what to do with you, who knows how to handle what you're capable of, who can fulfill your every desire, who'll fuck you until you cry out and beg for more, who'll suck you dry down to the very last drop, who'll pleasure you in every way possible. I know how to do ALL of those things, Edward. I know your body. I know what makes your cock hard, what makes it twitch. You love how I can make you come, don't you?" She forces her hand between my legs and knocks me into the wall.

"That's enough," I growl through gritted teeth. I grab her wrist and bend it back painfully, forcing it back until it might snap if I keep going. "I'll break your fucking wrist, Victoria. Try me. Do you want to try me?? Hm? I'll snap it like a twig and I won't think twice." I increase the pressure of my grip and she whimpers and unclamps her fingers from around my cock. I drop her wrist like a used tissue and open the door.

"Now get the fuck out."

* * *

**Still hatin' on Forksward? ;p Hope not. And in case anyone was wondering, NO Victoria never told Edward that Bella came to the apartment that day looking for him. Of course not, cuz she's a fucking vindictive bitch and she'd never give up that info. **

**PLS REVIEW!!!!  
**


	25. My Secret Life

**I gave this chapter a title because...I dunno...I just wanted to. I thought it was fitting. **

**My profile has been updated to include the music used in this chapter. Edward reminds me of a young Leonard Cohen so it seemed fitting to use his lyrics as Edward's. 3**

**And thank you to my beta blackbeltgirll for being so patient with me :)**

**Steph Meyer owns Twilight**

* * *

**EPOV**

After several unsuccessful attempts to seduce my cock out of my boxers, Victoria ran out of insults and derogatory remarks about Bella and finally took the screaming hint that I wasn't kidding around and if she valued her dignity, she'd leave without a fight. She had come in through the balcony, leaving her shoes and her purse behind, which I took the liberty of tossing over the railing and onto the front lawn for her to pick up as she skulked down the driveway. I didn't want to watch her leave because I honestly wished it didn't have to happen this way. For all her faults, she had been my girlfriend for the last five years and a break-up is a break-up. I'm trying to be a better man about shit like that and humiliating people is not on the top of my to-do list. I take full responsibility for my part in the unraveling of our relationship. I let her control me, I let her navigate and make the decisions and I just went along with them because...well, because I didn't give a fuck back then, and for a very good reason.

I didn't know Isabella Swan existed.

I called Denny as soon as I had finished throwing Victoria the fuck out of the house. I needed a drink and a friendly face and I knew Denny could give me both.

Of course when I called he was already out.

"Hey, Den," I said, sitting down next to him like it was no big deal. Like I hadn't been gone for months. Like it was just another night out at the bar.

He turned at the sound of my voice and his eyes popped out of his head.

"Edwardo!? It really IS you!! What the fuck, dude!!" He wrapped his massive arms around my chest and pulled me off the barstool, dangling me in a crushing bear hug.

"You got fat, Denny," I wheezed, trying to catch my breath. "Jesus. I think you broke one of my ribs."

He laughed and ordered me a beer. "Sit the fuck down, man." He slapped the stool next to him.

"So what's up, bro? The last time I saw you was at that going away party Newton threw for you at his house. Remember? …Maaaan, I got so fucked up that night." he puffed out his cheeks and squinted his eyes.

"I remember catching Lauren Mallory giving you a marvelous blow job in the garage. That's what I remember. Walking in to get a beer from the cooler just in time for the money shot. You jizzed all over her fucking face, down her shirt, in her hair. Ugh it was disgusting. Hilarious, but disgusting. Then she saw me and started screaming."

I laughed out loud at the memory of Mallory's shocked expression as she looked up at me from her knees on the cement floor with Denny's cock still dripping cum on her lip.

"Yeah I think she was hoping to find you when she walked in there. Just about everybody's seen action in Newton's garage at some point. She totally fucked me in the back seat of his dad's station wagon later that night, too," he laughed. "…I see her every now and then. She works at the titty bar off the interstate – y'know, the one we got caught sneaking into the night of the junior prom."

I nodded and licked the foam from my lips.

"Your sister told me about your dad, man. That really sucks. How you holding up?"

I shrugged. "I'm just trying to deal with it."

"I guess if I had a girl like Victoria to take my mind off it, I wouldn't be complaining either."

I looked at my watch. Ten minutes. That's about how long I expected it to take for Denny to bring up Victoria. He always had the hots for her growing up and when she and I started dating it was like _he_ had somehow won the lottery, too. He used every opportunity to grill me about the size of her breasts, the smell of her pussy, whether she liked to be on top or bottom. He was our fucking groupie hoping for leftovers.

I slap him on his wide shoulder blade. "She's all yours, buddy."

"Ha, yeah I wish. God she's hot."

"And available. ...But I'm warning you. She's fucking nuts."

"You're fucking with me," he gaped incredulously "Holy shit. …You're _not_? …The dynasty has ended??"

I raised my pint glass and grinned.

"Dude what the fuck are you gonna do now?! You moved across the fucking country! Are you gonna come back to Forks?! That would be sick! The old gang back together again. ...Well Tyler and Ben moved to LA and Sam's in Florida – but you still got me and Newt. You think you'll hook up with Jessica Stanley?? She's been dying for your cock since the seventh grade."

He looked so fucking happy at the pathetic idea of me, him, and that dickhead Newton sitting around a smoky basement getting high and playing Mario Cart for the rest of our lives. I hated to break it to him but I had no intention of moving back to this rainy, depressing cesspool.

"Hey remember in high school when we started that band?" he asked excitedly, continuing his trip down memory lane. "You on vocals, Newt on drums and me on guitar? Shit that was fun. We'd practice in Newt's basement and you'd have to sneak out so we could play gigs at the roller rink and homecoming and shit. You wrote some really good songs back then."

I humored him and smiled. Those were good times. We were going to be discovered. We were going to be famous, run away, go on tour, have groupies and constant cocaine-fueled orgies, destroy hotel rooms, win Grammys and give the music biz the middle finger when we went through our "experimental" phase.

"What about that time you snuck into St. Michael's and played the church organ for an hour straight before Father Donnelly caught you?" Denny broke out into a belly-giggling guffaw that was funnier than me getting pulled by my ear into a confessional by one royally pissed off pastor.

I winced. "I thought my mother was going to crucify me. I had to be a fucking altar boy at Sunday service for the entire summer after that shit."

"You still playing?"

"I started to. Back in New York. At this little bar and poetry club. But then I started school and got a job...and I let it go again." There was no hiding the sadness that that fact brought to my voice. Denny knew it well. He'd seen me get endless shit from my father about my "pipe dreams".

"Hey man I know how it goes. It's worse for me. I don't have an ounce of the talent you've got. That shit doesn't come naturally to me like it does to you. You got it in your blood. You can sit down and just fucking_ play_. You open your mouth and you can fucking _sing_. You can try and stop that shit if you want but it aint gonna work. It's going to keep popping back up, just like it did when we were kids. Your dad may have grounded the shit out of you for sneaking out and playing and for blasting your music in your room when you should have been doing your pointless algebra homework, but you're a grown man now and the music is in you."

"Christ, Den. Don't go getting all deep on me. I'm hanging on by a very thin thread as it is. Plus I don't think you could deal with it if I just fucking started crying right here."

"Nah dude, it's cool. You can cry if you need to. ...You should talk to Leah, though. For real. She owns this place now and I bet she'd let you play. This podunk town could use some quality entertainment. At the very least it'd give you something to do while you're here."

I took another gulp from my beer and stared into the bottom of the pint glass. Playing had always been my release and when I couldn't play music, I needed to hear it. Music was the only language that made sense to me. It was the only language that didn't lie or have secrets. It could heal you. And when it hurt you, it always told you why. The idea of having that release of playing again sent a surge of hope through me. Something to get me through my time here until I could get back to Bella...

"I'll think about it."

**RPOV**

Edward has been moping around the house for days. He says he's fine but I know my twin brother, and I've never seen him like this. Even after years of knockdown drag out fights with my parents - battles that got so loud, so scary that I'd hide in my room for hours with my ear pressed to the door listening for Edward's footsteps on the stairs to tell me it was safe to come out – fights that led to permanent grounding and what my father liked to call having your "Cullen privileges revoked" – even those punishments didn't cause Edward the anguish that's lately been contorting his stunning, classic features.

I've heard him on the phone several times since the first night he tried calling Bella. In the kitchen when he thinks no one is home or in his room behind closed doors - each time the conversation is the same. Brief and unsuccessful.

_Emmett, please. I know she's there. ...Can you at least tell her I called? ...Emmett? Hello? FUCK._

_Donovan? Hey, it's Edward. Is Bella there? ...She's not. Can you tell her I called? ...Thanks, man. Here let me give you my number...hello? GOD DAMNIT!!_

_Just let me talk to her, Emmett!! Does she even know I'm calling!? Don't do this, please._

_**_

I find it scribbled on a pad on Edward's bedside table. He just left with Denny like he's been doing every day for a week straight, which means I'll be picking him up off the front porch at around four in the morning per usual.

I sit on his bed and stare at the number with the New York area code.

I look at the clock.

It's midnight on the West Coast, making it nine in New York.

With a trembling hand I pick up the cordless phone on Edward's nightstand and stare at the numbers. Then I stare at my toenails that are desperate for a pedicure. I'm stalling. I watch the digits on Edward's alarm clock steadily move as I waste time. I think of all the instances where my twin brother has been there for me over the years. How he's still trying to be there for me even now with this Royce mess. I think back to the time he defended me in this very room - the time our parents were in Mexico and we threw a giant house party. Towards the end of the night Mike Newton's friend Marcus forced himself on me in here, pinning me to Edward's bed and tearing my clothes from my body, his hand pressed over my mouth covering my cries, his breath in my ear telling me it's what I wanted; he pulled my pants down, forced my legs apart and thrust his fingers inside me over and over, slicing my dry insides with his fingernails. I clamped my thighs around him to try to yank him out of me but he was too strong. When the double doors to Edward's room were finally thrown open I was shrieking for Edward to help me with tears streaming down my face. Edward yoked Marcus by the back of his neck and threw him into the mirror shattering it and cutting the side of that asshole's face to shreds. Then Edward dragged him to the balcony and launched him over the rail, breaking his arm, his shoulder, his leg, and both his ankles and narrowly missing the guests who were standing smoking on the front lawn.

Edward could have killed him. He _would have_ killed him. He would do anything for me. This is the least I can do for him.

My fingers press the buttons and it begins to ring on the other end...once, twice, three times…

"Bowery."

It's too late to turn back now. I swallow hard.

"Is Bella there?" The voice on the other end of the line is crunching in my ear.

"Who's calling?"

"Rosalie," I answer swiftly. _Come on pleeeease put her on_. I cross my fingers on my lap.

"Rosalie who?" the gruff voice demands. _This must be that punk, Emmett, Edward was telling me about._ ..._He doesn't know who he's dealing with._

"Who's _this_?" I answer back snottily.

"I'll ask the questions."

_Ooooooh you want to turn this into a battle of wills, motherfucker? _I sit up and flip my hair over my shoulders. My adrenaline is pumping and my heart is pounding. I take a deep breath.

"This is Rosalie Hale." Hale is my middle name.

"Uh huh. And how does she know you?"

"Are you _for real_?" I ask with a sarcastic laugh.

"Do I sound like I'm joking?"

"No. But you _do_ sound like an asshole."

_Did he just chuckle??_ My blood is boiling. I can feel the heat rushing to my face and neck.

"What business is it of yours who I am anyway?"

"It's my _business_ because I _SAY_ it's my business and unless you want to figure out another way to get in touch with Bella, you'll _answer_ the _FUCKING_ question. …It's up to you."

My mouth drops to the floor. _Who does this guy think he is??!!! And why is he turning me on by talking to me this way?? _He's not even yelling, he's just...talking to me and accentuating his words at all the right times. I wonder what else he knows how to do at all the right times. ...Wait, what am I thinking?? This guys a dick, remember?

"Fine, whatever," I bark. I'm standing and pacing around Edward's room like a jungle cat.

"My name is Rosalie Hale. I'm Bella's friend from Phoenix and I would like to talk to her. OK? Is that good enough for you?! Would you like my blood type and social security number? How about my first born?"

On the other end of the line I hear the sounds of a busy bustling bar - noisy customers, clinking glasses, beer tops popping, liquor being poured, the register jangling and change being made. The music is loud but I can't tell what's playing.

"What are you doing?" the gruff voice asks.

"_Excuse me_?!!" Does he think this is turning into a phone sex call?

He's chuckling again and it's lighting a fire of anger in the pit of my stomach. But there's more to it than that. There's also a queasy unease, an exhilaration running over the surface of my skin, sending prickles of euphoria all over me like static electricity, but stronger. Like the aftershock of a lightning strike. Like live wires writhing on the pavement after an electrical storm.

"You sound out of breath, that's all." It's quieter now; he's moved to a place where he can hear me better.

"I'm just wondering what you're doing," he says directly into the phone, like he's concentrating only on me. "And I ask the questions, remember?"

"I…I…"

"Where are you calling from, Rose?"

"Only people who know me get to shorten my name," I stammer.

"Is that right? ...well...maybe one day." He lets out a breath he's been holding. "...Are you alone? It's Skits n Tits night, tonight. You should come down."

I snap out of my stupor and reverse back into bitch mode. "Are you crazy, pal? Enough with the fucking third degree. Are you going to put Bella on or not?!"

More low laughter as I hear him put the phone down. "Yeah yeah keep your panties on."

I exhale and brush the hair from the back of my neck…the back of my _sweaty_ neck.

" …SWAN! PHONE! ...No fucking clue. She says she's your friend from Phoenix."

There's a rustling and words I can't make out.

"Hullo?"

A soft but strong female voice hits my ear. It's her.

"Hi, Bella?"

"Yes?" she answers, a tinge of suspicion on her tongue. "Angela?"

"No...it's Rosalie." I cringe and wait to see if she hangs up on me. For a brief moment I'm afraid I've completely overstepped the line by doing this.

"I'm Edward's sister."

"I know who you are."

She's breathing nervously into the receiver, which means she's holding the phone close to her mouth for privacy. I'm pretty perceptive when it comes to details like that. I owe it to growing up in a household with a domineering father and a very nosy twin brother.

I need to keep talking before I lose her.

"Please don't hang up. ...Bella?"

"I'm here."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh good."

"...What do you want?

That's a great question. What _do_ I want? I hadn't even thought that far in advance. I didn't actually expect to get her on the phone.

"I uh, I just wanted to tell you..."

"Tell me what?" Her voice has grown cold, hardening to protect herself against what I might say next.

"I wanted to tell you that...Edward really misses you, Bella. He cares about you a lot." I immediately wish I had a rewind button so I could start over. I wasn't about to profess Edward's undying love for her - that's not my place - but I sure as shit could have thought of something more eloquent to say than that.

She snorts. I know she's rolling her eyes.

"He does, huh? I've called him about a hundred times and he never picks up. If he cares so much, why isn't _he_ calling me?"

"He's tried!" I exclaim. If she only knew! "He's been trying to get in touch with you since he got here and his phone is..."

"Sure he has," she interrupts. "He has my number. And, let's see, I have _zero_ missed calls and not one fucking message. ...Yeah, he's devastated without me."

"That's where you're wrong! He really is! Haven't you gotten…"

"Prove it. ...Where is he right now?"

"…He's..."

"_He's_…" she repeats.

"He's at a bar," I admit dejectedly.

"At a bar. At a _fucking_ _BAR!!_ That's perfect!! That's exactly where _I'd_ be if I was _missing _someone. I sure as shit wouldn't be doing everything I could to try and _reach them_! Look, Rosalie…"

"Wait, let me explain…"

"No, let me guess, he's drowning his sorrows in tequila shots because he's so lost without me. Poor baby..."

"Bella..."

"He's _sooo_ distraught and misses me _sooo_ fucking much that instead of trying to get in _touch with me_..."

"He HAS tried!!" I yell over her but she won't back down now that she's on a roll.

"...He's out at a bar getting drunk with his friends oh and maybe his _girlfriend_!! Bonus!!"

"Why don't you ask your CO-WORKERS if he's called!!? They've been hanging up on him for days!!'

I don't even know if she's hearing what I'm saying. This has turned into a shouting match that can only end one way - - she's going to slam the phone down and I'll have lost my only chance at getting through to her.

I have an idea.

"Bella." She's still ranting. "BELLLAAAA!!" I shriek. "_Please stop and listen to me_!!!!"

She falls silent. I continue.

"Will you give me your phone number?"

She's thrown off by the curveball and I don't want to give her time to think of a reason why she shouldn't, so I keep talking.

"If you love my brother, if you ever had _any_ feelings for him, you'll give me your number. Please."

**

I flash my ID at the bouncer and shove my way inside.

"Edward!! .....Edward?!!"

I search the crowded bar for my brother's unmistakable face. There was a time when I would have recognized every person in this dive but Leah has transformed the old tavern into a popular hot spot that's become the center of as much of a "nightlife" as is possible in our sleepy, drizzly town.

"Denny!!" I call out over the music. I've never been so happy to see the big lug in my entire life. I force through the crowd and tug on his arm.

"Denny!!! Denny, where's Edward?!!"

"Rosalie!! What's up, sista!! ...What are you wearing?"

"Not now, Denny!! Where is _Edward_!??"

"He's onstage." He points over my shoulder.

"He's been up there for awhile. Every time he tries to get down the crowd screams for more. Isn't it great?" he grins.

"I need to talk to him NOW!!"

"Is something wrong? Shit it's not your dad, is it??"

"No, but it's very important! I _have_ to talk to him."

"Well good luck getting through this crowd. They're like hyenas when it comes to our darling Edwardo. He's been drawing this kind of turnout every night this week. Sick, huh? I knew it. ...We totally should have kept the band together."

I'm used to hearing Edward sing. He always has. He does it all the time, everywhere, under his breath, in the shower, in the car, when he's making a sandwich, when he's walking the dog, when he's hanging up his clothes. We all do it. We all hum and sing along to the songs we like. Don't we? I know I do it. But I don't sound like Edward. Edward's voice is one of his many gifts.

His natural talent on the piano was realized one night when we were picking him up from choir practice when he was six years old. All the other children had been collected by their parents but Edward was nowhere to be found. My mother and I searched every row of pews, behind the altar and in the confessionals but we couldn't find him anywhere. We were about to start searching in the rafters when we heard the most exquisite sounds filling the cavernous church interior. We raced up the three flights of stairs to the ledge where the organ was kept and there he was. Still in his choir robes, he looked so tiny sitting in front of the massive instrument. His little legs dangling from the high bench, his tiny fingers pressing down on the large, white keys. His eyes were watching them as they moved, memorizing the sounds they produced. He was mimicking the music to the last song they sung at practice that night and he was playing it by ear, from memory.

It was then, after constant pressure from my mother and I, that we finally convinced my father to let Edward take private piano lessons on the immaculate Wurlitzer we keep in our living room like a museum piece. Three days a week an instructor came to the house to give Edward his two-hour lesson. Then Edward practiced four hours a day every day and eight hours a day on the weekends. He did that without fail until, when he was sixteen years old, I bought him a used acoustic guitar from the second hand music shop in town. My father would blame me from that moment on for ruining Edward's chance at culture and class. Shortly after, Edward joined a band and that's when he started doing drugs and sneaking out and coming home drunk and it was all my fault, my father would say. Edward had structure and discipline, perhaps a future as a professional pianist, and it was being destroyed by the "bullshit fairytale of rock stardom."

But I didn't care what my father said, because Edward was amazing. He taught himself how to play the guitar; he didn't even need the instruction books I got him. He said he used them but I know he didn't. He wrote his own songs and he sung them in that beautiful, breathy, soulful voice of his, and I'd go to his gigs and cheer and be proud. I wanted him to run away and make it big. I wanted to turn the radio on one day and hear his songs. I wanted to walk into a store and buy his album. I knew it was what he wanted too.

Then one day the music stopped. And I knew he had been beaten.

My hand is deep inside the pocket of my raincoat, clutching my cell phone for dear life. I've programmed Bella's number into speed dial and have every intention of pulling Edward offstage and dragging him into the alley outside so he can finally set things right with the woman he loves.

Denny wasn't kidding about the difficulty in making it anywhere near the stage. Was everyone who lived within a ten mile radius of town at this fucking bar? I'd never seen it so packed. Gotta remember to give Leah her props. She did a damn good job transforming this shit-hole into the place to be and be seen in Forks, for whatever that's worth.

I put my head down and my arm out and head into the mass of bodies.

"Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, I just need to get by, sorry, thank you, excuse me, move it fuckers..." I don't even see the faces of the people I'm pushing past and I try to ignore their irritated remarks. Edward's voice is pulling me towards him.

I dig my phone out of my pocket and hit the redial button. It's ringing. I watch it pick up.

"Bella?!!" I yell. Her faint voice sounds ten thousand miles away in a paint can.

_This is a new song_, Edward says.

"Bella can you hear me?!!" I think she said yes...

_I wrote it last night._

"If you can hear this," I yell into my phone. "...then LISTEN!!"

_It's called, My Secret Life._

Through the arms and spaces of the people in my way I can begin to make out the shape of Edward's guitar. I see his fingers begin to strum as his voice fills the smokey air. I'm stuck on all sides by eager listeners, pinned so I can't move any further. I thrust my arm over my head and hold my phone up high in the air.

_I saw you this morning.__  
__You were moving so fast.__  
__Can't seem to loosen my grip__  
__On the past.__  
__And I miss you so much.__  
__There's no one in sight.__  
__And we're still making love__  
__…In My Secret Life._

I curse my short 5' 4" height and stand on my tippy-toes, but I can't find Edward's face. Have I mentioned my twin brother is gorgeous? Looking at him should be deemed a Forks National Past-time. We are the perfect brother/sister compliment, which to me means, every time a girl swoons over Edward, I take it as a compliment.

_I smile when I'm angry.__  
__I cheat and I lie.__  
__I do what I have to do__  
__To get by.__  
__But I know what is wrong,__  
__And I know what is right.__  
__And I'd die for the truth__  
__…In My Secret Life._

Hushed voices start talking to each other._ Is this a cover? No I think this is his song. Is he from Forks? You don't know? That's Edward Cullen. You know...Cullen??? No way. Yes! Fuck. He's gorgeous!! _

I snicker to myself, why thank you. My arm is starting to tingle but I keep the phone held high.

_I bite my lip.__  
__I buy what I'm told__: __  
__From the latest hit__, __  
__To the wisdom of old.__  
__But I'm always alone.__  
__And my heart is like ice.__  
__And it's crowded and cold__  
__…In My Secret Life._

Applause swells and cheers fill the room as the last note fades away and Edward falls silent. I'm so close. I can see him now with tears in his eyes. I keep the phone held high. If I yell loud enough he'll hear me. I move to make a final push into the open when a strong hand painfully grabs my elbow and wrenches me back into the abyss. All is darkness.

"I thought I might find you here."

I don't need to look up to know who it is. I recognize the severity of the touch and the venom of the voice all too well.

"Royce." He's dragged me into the back hallway behind the kitchen door marked PRIVATE, where the muffled voices of the crowd and their cheering for Edward can faintly be heard.

"I thought you were spending every waking moment by your father's side?" he purrs devilishly, tightening his grip.

"Let go," I struggle against him. "You're hurting me."

"When did you turn into a liar, Rosalie? You never used to lie to me, but now...tsktsk...it's nothing but lies from you. What are we going to do about your lying?" he runs the back of his index finger down my cheek roughly.

"It's always the pretty girls that are the liars and sluts. We'll just have to do something about that, won't we?"

"There are people here, Royce. They'll see what you're doing. My brother and his friends are here. ...I'll scream for them."

"You won't be able to scream." His hand lashes out and grabs my neck, his thumb and index finger digging painfully into the pressure points behind my jaw. I can't swallow, can't talk, that helpless feeling has returned. I close my eyes and wait for the force of his other hand to strike my face, wondering where it's going to land, hoping it's my cheek or mouth and not my nose. A broken nose will take forever to heal.

"What the fuck is going on down there?" a voice suddenly calls out. "Rosalie is that you?"

Royce releases his grip. "Tell him everything is fine, or I'll slice your throat while you sleep. ...Do you understand?"

I nod numbly, but I don't have to say anything because Denny is already charging down the hall.

"Is this guy bothering you?"

My eyes dart to Royce's - they're black and staring down at me.

"...no. no I'm fine. We were just...catching up..."

His brow scrunches as he thinks over whether or not to believe me. "...Well...anyway, I uh, I told Edward you were looking for him. He's still onstage but he's stalling until he talks to you. I told him it wasn't about your father, but there's gonna be a riot if he doesn't start playing again soon so we gotta hurry."

Denny gives Royce the stink eye and takes me gently by my elbow, leading the way.

"Who the fuck was that creep?"

"...no one. Don't tell Edward you saw me with him, ok?"

"Uh, I dunno, Rose. If he asks me, I'm going to tell him. He had his hands on you. That's not cool."

Edward is standing on the stage with his guitar in one hand and his other hand at his forehead shielding the light from his eyes. I jump up and down and wave my arms in the air to get his attention. That's when I realize I've been clutching my phone in my hand the entire time.

_Bella_ _00:15:37_ flashes on the bright blue screen. I do the math in my head... from the time she picked up 'til the time Denny rescued me...which means...

I was certain...she'd heard it all.

**EPOV**

I've known Leah Clearwater since I was fifteen. I met her son, Seth, on the first day of high school, where you could tell in an instant who the freshman were by looking for the confused bodies wandering the hallways with their schedules in their hands like they were about to be set upon by a pack of wild dogs. Seth walked into third period Earth Science and I immediately recognized the panic and fear on his face, the same fear that I knew he saw in mine. He took the desk in front of me and a sigh of relief later Seth Clearwater became my closest friend. He remained my closest friend until the day he left for Alaska – which coincidentally was the same day I left for South America.

His mother, Leah, worked at Newton's Sporting Goods Store in town but we all knew she could run that place better than Pa Newton any day. We constantly prodded her about it and gave her not-so-subtle hints that she should go into business for herself. Needless to say I was elated when Denny told me she had finally done just that – turning _McMurphy's Irish Pub_ into _Leah's Wine and Spirits_. The interior had been completely remodeled and redecorated; cushy couches lined the shiny wooden walls, trendy iron fixtures covered the hanging lightbulbs, cascading thick velvet curtains were tied to the sides of every doorframe, elaborate tile mosaics covered the once dirty wooden floorboards, and in keeping with the desire to have a live music venue in town that didn't revolve around line-dancing, she installed a modest stage where the dartboards and pool tables used to be. It was more of a wannabe wine bar than the Bowery Poetry Club and Cafe that I had come to know and love intimately, but Forks would take what it could get.

I stopped by one rainy afternoon to speak with Leah about performing at her place. She knew I was musical, everyone in Forks pretty much knew that. I'd participated in every school recital and talent show since the second grade - always walking away with first place honors - and played the piano for the plays the drama club put on every half year. I carried the guitar Rosalie bought me everywhere, playing on the steps of the school during lunch, skipping class to play under the tree by the senior lounge. I brought it to school football games and got more attention in the bleachers than the players did on the field. When Denny and I decided to form a band we held rehearsals after track practice and scored unpaid gigs at various house parties and school social events. So I wasn't surprised when Leah answered her phone with her characteristic sarcasm,_ I wondered when you were gonna call me._

Leah met me outside and unlocked the front door quickly so we could get out of the rain...

"Alright, Edward, let's hear what you've got." She was known for cutting to the chase.

"Um, are you making me _audition_ for you, Mrs. Clearwater?"

"That I am, darlin'. Can't be too careful or I'll have Mike Newton in here pretending that he's Tupac again." She winked and I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't believe she remembered the 10th grade talent show where Newton jumped onstage dressed like Tupac Shakur - complete with a cockeyed blue bandana tied around his head - and started rapping and dancing like he was having a seizure. The funniest part was that he actually thought he sounded good.

"I understand, ma'am." Leah rolled her eyes at the ma'am shit. She hated being called ma'am - she said it made her sound like an old lady and she wasn't ready for the nursing home quite yet. But I couldn't help it. I've always been overly respectful of the Clearwater's and of all the members of the reservation. They had to work twice as hard for the same amount of respect and even then they didn't see much of it when they were the ones who deserved it the most.

I removed my guitar from its case and walked to the stage.

"I don't have anything set up yet, I'm afraid," Leah said apologetically. "We don't open for another three hours and I usually have one of the kitchen staff help me get the mics and sound equipment out of the back."

"It's ok. I can play and sing without anything. I don't need distortion pedals or an amp or anything like that." I held up my guitar and shrugged 'this is as good as it gets.'

She looked impressed. "Whatever you say, sweetie. Please. Go ahead."

I cleared my throat and strummed lightly as I decided on what song to play. I had a few in mind but I usually wait 'til the last minute, until I actually step on the stage and let the vibe decide for me. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander, settling on the song I sing for Andrea when I'm trying to distract her from check-mating my ass – the one she says makes her "feel good in her privates."

It was dark and murky in the small room that contained the bar, the couches, and the stage, and I couldn't make out Leah's facial expression as she watched and listened to me play. I hoped she liked what she was hearing - I wasn't sure I could handle any more rejection. I was out of practice and hadn't played in front of anyone but Rosalie since that last time at the Bowery, when Bella and I ended up back at her place.

I finished with a strum and waited for a reaction. There was nothing but silence and Leah's shadow. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I play something else? Did she think it was utter crap? Was she stalling while she tried to figure out a way to break it to me gently? I was about to step down and walk straight out the door with my tail between my legs when she finally spoke.

"You have far too much talent to be playing here, Edward. ...I guess that's lucky for me, huh? That being said, you can have every ten o'clock slot this week if you'd like and I'll give you forty-five percent of the door. I can't do better than that – got bills to pay and a life to lead."

I rolled my eyes at the insinuation that I was doing this for money and that I'd stoop low enough to take that money from her. "I don't want your money, ma'am, I mean Mrs. Clearwater. I just want the opportunity to play."

She walked into a lone ray of sunlight streaming in through the sliver of curtain and I thought I saw a brief flash of shock cross her face.

"Well. Edward Cullen. I do believe it's true what all the ladies in this town say about you."

I raised my eyebrows cockily. "And what do they say?"

"That you're too good to be true."

I shook my head and ran my fingers through my disheveled hair. I was well aware that women - _and men _- found me attractive. I've heard a million different ways that my appearance has been described, endless adjectives mumbled under people's breath as I've walked down the sidewalk or while I paid for something in a store. It was something that I never really concerned myself with. I woke up and I just naturally looked this way. It was easy. I could put anything on and it fit well and looked amazing on me. I could eat whatever I wanted and still have toned abs - the fact that I liked working out only added to what my body was capable of. If I shaved, it worked. If I didn't shave, that worked too...although the ladies seemed to prefer the second option...something about my stubble rubbing across the delicate skin of their inner thighs sent them into orgasm heaven. I knew I was better looking than every guy at school, shit, I knew I was better looking than every guy in Forks - but in my opinion that wasn't saying much. My escapades in South America proved to me that I could hold my own internationally and I was hit on constantly when I visited Victoria at school in California. But all that mattered fuck all to me now. I was different. The only thing I cared about now was what one girl three thousand miles away thought of me.

"If you say so," I shrugged. "But I'm still not taking your money."

"Free drinks all night, then?"

My face perked up and Leah knew we had reached an agreement. I stuck out my hand and we shook on it. "Now THAT I'll take."

**

Rosalie is pushing through the crowd towards me, her wild eyes darting from side to side to avoid being struck in the head by elbows and bags. I watch her coming closer and try to read the expression on her face. She was either hit by a truck on the way over here or possessed by a demon, or both. It's the only way to explain how she can look horrified and excited at the same time.

She's wearing her Burberry trench coat over the pair of hot pink silk pajamas I bought her for Christmas last year and she's waving her pink Blackberry Tour over her head.

"What are you doing here?!" I shout over the noise of the crowd. "What's going on?!!"

She shoves her phone in my face. "It's _Bella_!!"

"What??!!" I must have misheard her. I'm still standing on the edge of stage alone with the spotlight shining on me.

"Take the phone, Edward!!" I reach down and snatch the phone out her hand and start yelling desperately into the receiver.

"_Bella!!?_ Bella, it's Edward!! I'm sorry!! I'm so _so_ sorry!!" I push my finger against my ear. "Hello??!!! Bella, can you hear me?!"

Why isn't she answering me??? I look at the screen. It's on the main menu. There's no call. Bella's name is not on the screen.

"FUCK!!! She's not there, Rosalie!! You had her on the phone and you let her go??? How could you do that??!!"

I was yelling over the house music so loudly it was scaring her. Her wide eyes, her mouth hanging open like she had something to say but couldn't. I turn my attention to Denny standing behind her like her bodyguard.

"What the fuck happened, Denny??!!" I had told Denny briefly about Bella, this miracle girl I met in New York, but apparently I hadn't accurately conveyed my rabid need to get in touch with her. I jumped down from the stage into the audience and was forcing our way to the side of the stage.

"Well?!" I snap. He flinches, not out of fear – because he could easily kick my ass – but out of surprise that I was taking this so hard. Denny is what you would call....chill. He reminds me of Hurley from Lost. I'd never say that to his face though – but Denny has let himself go since high school.

"I didn't know what Rose wanted to talk to you about, dude. She told me she needed you, so I got you. Then when I went to get _her_, to tell _her_ I got _you_, she was in the back room getting roughed up by some douchebag".

Fucking...WHAT?? Rose sees the furious look on my face and immediately starts talking at a mile a minute.

"I had her on the phone, Edward. I was trying to get through the crowd to reach you so you could talk to her but then Royce grabbed my arm and pulled me back and I...I got distracted and I guess when I looked down...I thought I still had her but the call must have been lost and..."

"ROYCE??!!!"

"Yeah, man," Denny says, and points over my shoulder. "That dude over there. The one that looks like Count of Monte Cristo or some shit."

"Get her back on the phone!!" I bark at Rose, who starts dialing helplessly. I watch Denny's eyes narrow and blacken at the site of someone he's spotted in the crowd.

"I recognize one of the guys he's with, too. The pirate-looking one. Bad news, man. They've been in here a lot since this place opened. Snakes. Always lurking around and hitting on the girls. Creeps."

I blast through the crowd towards the bar area where there's more room to move and see and think. I have Rosalie's free hand in mine and am dragging her along with me. Denny follows behind her.

"Hey ASSHOLE!!" All four of them turn around but my eyes are set on the dark haired one with the pencil thin mustache.

"You like to beat up on girls for fun??! Well you picked the wrong fucking girl to _fuck with_ this time!!"

One of his cronies whispers in his ear, telling him who I am. "Is that right?" he raises his sculpted eyebrows at me and takes a swig from his Bud Light. "Mm, thanks, I'll keep that in mind." He moves to continue talking to his posse of cunty friends and I charge him, slamming him to the wall by his neck. I squeeze, my fingers sinking into the flesh of his throat, and I watch his eyes bulge out of his head.

"You think I'm playing with you, motherfucker?" I say calmly with rage boiling inside me. We're right near the front door, near the bar, there are people everywhere, the music is not enough to distract them, but I'm not thinking about them right now. I'm not thinking about Leah and what she'll say, I'm not thinking about my parents or the cops. For the first time in months I'm not even thinking about Bella.

I'm thinking about _him_, and how I'm going to make him pay.

"You're not going to do anything," he gurgles, forcing a weak laugh. I can feel him trying to swallow but the lump won't move past the blockage my fingers are creating in his airway.

I increase the pressure of my stranglehold and he starts choking, pushing out the words "...Just like...your sister."

I cock my head to the side and blink exaggeratedly. "What did you just say?" I feel Denny's hand on my arm, trying to pull me back.

"Come on, Edward. Let him go, man. He's turning purple." I turn my head towards the sound of Denny's voice but I still can't comprehend what this prick just said to me about my own fucking sister. Then the prick starts digging his manicured fingernails into my knuckles to get me to release my grip. That's when the lights go out. I pull away slightly, letting him think I'm letting him go, before slamming him into the wall again, grabbing him by the neck and doing it again, his head ricocheting against the wall.

"SAY IT AGAIN!!!!" I scream, blinded by the fireball of rage swirling behind my eyes. I ball my other hand into a fist, cock back and drill it into his face; his cheek or nose or whatever the fuck it is crunching under the force of the blow.

"SAY IT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" I scream as the blood pours from his face, his cheek his nose, everywhere. "TALK ABOUT MY SISTER LIKE THAT AGAIN!!! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY THOSE WORDS AGAIN SO THEY CAN BE YOUR _LAST_!!!

Denny's arms are around my chest pulling me back but I'm a rabid dog on a leash.

"You're lucky I don't rip off your fucking scalp right here and pin it over the bar, you fucking piece of shit!!!!" Denny's got my arms tied behind my back and is pressing me against his chest trying to hold me in place. He's stronger than me but I can feel him struggling to contain the force of my aggression. Royce and his pussy posse move to leave through the front door and I'm still wrestling inside Denny's hold.

"I'm not done with you, you fucking cocksucker!! You come anywhere near my sister again and I'll fucking kill you with my bare hands!! TRY ME!!!! I DARE YOU!!! I'll make sure no one ever finds your worthless body!!!!"

"Edward, please, enough. Let's go. Royce has a lot of friends in Forks and Port Angeles, and in Seattle too. I've seen them go after people." Rosalie tries to use her 'soothing' voice but it's not going to work this time.

"Fuck his friends," I spit.

"Listen to your beautiful sister, Edward." Royce blows me a kiss and if I wasn't being held back I'd have his fucking nuts in my hands.

"Stay away from my family or I will fucking _end you_!!"

Denny drags me to a barstool and sits me down. He's got both of my wrists locked up in one of his hands.

"If I let you go, do you promise not to run out there after him?"

I nod, catching my breath and staring at the ceiling. _That fuck. That fucking cock. I'll fucking kill him_, I pant. My lungs are burning, my mouth is a desert. I lick my lips and try to get myself under control.

Rosalie sticks her phone in my face to get my attention. "Edward."

My jaw drops and she sees the question in my eyes. _Yes_, she nods. I snatch the phone out of her hand and leap to my feet.

"Bella??!!"

"_Edward_??!" Oh my god it really is her. My name from her velvet voice fills the void and I let it flow through my body like an elixir, mingling with my blood and coursing through my veins. I head to the door with Rosalie's phone pressed painfully to my ear. I push it open and walk out into the cold October air. I need to get away from the noise so I can hear her, so I can talk to her without distraction.

"Bella??!! Oh my God. Thank God it's you. Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how fucking sorry I am. There's so much I need to tell you. I miss you, Bella. I miss you so fucking much."

"I...I miss you, too, Edward. ...Where are you?"

"Well right now I'm pacing in front of...fuck it doesn't matter I'm just so fucking happy to hear your voice. I've tried to call you, Bella, so many times, you have to know that..."

"I know, Edward. Rosalie told me and I just forced it out of Emmett."

I can't wipe the grin off my face. If I closed my eyes I could believe that she was standing next to me. I'd hold her in my arms if she'd let me I'd explain everything so she'd understand and forgive me. We'd make love all night, I'd show her how much I missed her, how much I need her, how I don't work without her, I'd worship every inch of her, I'd do whatever she asked, whatever it took to please her.

I continue pacing when someone bumps into me. I move but someone gets in my way. I try to move around them but there is someone else blocking me from getting by. I look up and find myself surrounded by a circle of intimidating, greasy guidos. I see Royce off to the side, smirking at me with his arms crossed.

"You might wanna put the phone down, fella. If you want it to remain in one piece," one of them threatens.

"Edward?? What's happening??" Bella's voice is shrill and panicked. She must have heard.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. For everything." It's the truth and it's all I can think to say before the force of the blow knocks Rose's phone to the concrete, shattering it across the sidewalk and into the street. I hear her anguished cry from inside the bar. I'm dazed but I don't fall. My ear is ringing and I hear the faint sounds of the words, _Fight! Fight!_

I'm not sure how many seconds or minutes go by before I'm able to see clearly. I'm holding my jaw and am about to throw a punch at the first fucker that crosses me when I hear the screeching of tires and a familiar voice calling my name.

"Let's go, dude!" Denny calls out from behind the wheel of his rusted Toyota Corolla. Damn, for a large guy he knows how haul ass and come through in the clutch.

"They're coming. Get in the car now man!!" he yells, leaning across the passenger seat and pushing out the passenger door.

"Come on, Edward!! GO!! Before you get yourself killed!!" Rosalie runs at me and shoves me into the car. She's a quick little minx herself and is in the backseat slamming the door shut in the nick of time. Denny floors it just as Royce's thugs reach the car, pounding their fists on the hood of the trunk and shouting threats at us as we tear down the street and out of sight.

"Jesus, dude. Can't take you anywhere."

"Denny, you're swerving all over the place."

"It's the alignment, it aint me, man. I'm an excellent driver."

I ignore him, cupping my chin to ease the throbbing. I turn around and look at Rose sitting in the backseat in a raincoat and pajamas with a look of horror plastered across her face and I can't help but stifle a painful laugh. This night is completely unreal.

"How'd you do it, Rose?"

"How'd I do what?"

"How'd you get Bella on the phone?"

"Oh. I found the number on your dresser so I called it and pretended I was Bella's friend from Phoenix and he put her on."

"Who did?"

"That asshole Emmett."

"Yeah well I think you need to rethink your definition of that word because compared to some of the winners you've chosen, Ro, Emmett is a regular Prince Charming."

"That's not how you colorfully described him every time he hung up on you."

"He's just protecting Bella. And I'm thankful for that even if it's me that he's protecting her from. He didn't trust me from day one and I sure as shit haven't been doing a very good job at pleading my case to win him over. The evidence against me is pretty brutal. I don't know how long Bella stood outside that fucking theater before she accepted that I wasn't coming, and then fucking taking off with no warning, not to mention fucking her in Victoria's apartment - shit I hope he doesn't know about that. Yeah I'm pretty sure Emmett is going to cut my balls off and string them over the bar when I see him."

"When you see him?" she raises her eyebrow.

I smile at my sister's ability to immediately pick up what I'm putting down. It's all in the non-verbal twin communication skills. There have been times when we've had entire conversations with absolutely no words exchanged.

_Elaborate, dear brother._

I nod in the affirmative.

"I'm going back to New York."

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**Please review.**


	26. First we take Manhattan

Sometimes you bring me flowers  
A misery it seems to me  
I don't want to live a day without you  
Haunting my memory

Goodbye misery  
Letters on the line

Summertime was hard  
And I knew it on the spot  
I would marry you some sunny day  
But baby I know it's strange  
To end up this way  
A mistress on a sunny day

- from _Mistress_, by Marissa Nadler

﻿

**BPOV**

"_Is he coming back?" I whisper, almost begging for her mercy._

The crushing blow of her words pushed me over…_Once I'm with him, he'll have everything he needs._

The ground fell away and I plummeted. I didn't land. I merely slipped under the surface, begging the tide to carry me away.

I don't know how I got back to my apartment that night. My legs ached for days so I assumed I walked the ninety-plus blocks in my Rocket Dog flats. A negotiable amount of time passed and eventually I woke up in my bed with his arms wound tightly around me and my head pressed against his warm chest. What should have felt right, instantly felt dangerous.

"_What happened?" _I tried to move but the weight of his biceps held me down.

"_I was at the bike shop when I saw you walking aimlessly down the sidewalk. You looked confused and distraught. You crossed the street without looking where you were going and were almost hit by a cab."_

He lifted me higher up on his stone body and I let my face bury into the crook of his neck, the unnatural heat rolling off of him in waves.

"_I asked you what was wrong but you just kept mumbling Edward. Edward. …Who's Edward?"_

The sound of that name sent a blade of searing pain through my eardrums.

"_How did you get in here?"_

"_You collapsed in the street. Cars were swerving around you, so I ran out into traffic and picked you up."_

"_You did? I don't remember that."_

"_You hit your head pretty hard on the pavement. I would have taken you to the hospital but you kept saying you wanted to go home."_

He'd grown massive since the last time I saw him. I was weak and I took solace in his muscled arms, telling myself it was just for that night and it was better than being alone.

I would have plenty of time to be alone.

I burrowed into his warmth and let the fears and concerns melt away.

_"Thank you, Jake."_

**

Jake was soon replaced by Alice, Jasper, and Emmett. Outnumbered he didn't put up a fight when Emmett told him to get the fuck out and forget where I lived. For innumerable days they held a revolving vigil in my living room, taking turns sleeping on the couch at night and keeping me company during the day. Not like I was in much need of companionship. I was dead to the world and oblivious to my surroundings.

What was left of my world swirled in front of me in a mess of muddled colors and disorganized shapes. Someone brought me food. Someone brought me water. Neither of which I ate or drank. Someone sat next to me and stroked my hair. They told me it was going to be alright, but it wasn't Edward's voice speaking to me so I didn't care. I curled in a ball and cried until there was nothing left. I tried to sleep so I could pretend it was a dream but each time I woke up I screamed knowing that it was a nightmare. The voices around me were worried. Then angry. There was slamming and yelling followed by whispering and the sound of my bedroom door opening slightly then closing again. I didn't care. I didn't care what was happening outside of my bubble of misery. The sun rose and set I lost count of how many times.

Days passed and eventually I rose from my bed. The anguish had turned into a feverish anger that consumed me like wildfire. I told myself I was glad he was no longer in my life. I called him names out loud to prove it. _Cheater. Two-timer. Lying sell-out._ I tried to make myself believe he was these things. I tried to picture him in my head as a conformist asshole on a leash but I'd lose the plot and he'd turn into a gorgeous, talented multi-instrumentalist with vocal chords made of gold and chocolate. I tried reminding myself he had a girlfriend that he wouldn't break up with for me, but I'd lose the plot again and he'd be in my bed, his perfect body hovering over me, his emerald eyes staring down at me, his crooked smile, his velvet voice in my ear; and he'd ravish me, sending me over the edge with his glorious body and his magical tongue, his nimble fingers and delicate touch caressing every inch of my skin, owning me with a pleasure I didn't know existed. Each time with Edward was the best sex I'd ever had, even in my imagination.

I tried to make him irrelevant but he wouldn't let me.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I went back to work. And I wrote. And I worked and I worked and when I went home I wrote some more and I tried to do it all and forget about Edward.

I worked two weeks straight without a break, 4pm to 4am. I had to keep busy. Even though it was painful as fuck to be at the club because it reminded me of Edward, it didn't much matter because being _out_ of the club reminded me of Edward. Being in my apartment reminded me of Edward. Walking around Duane Reade reminded me of Edward. I wasn't whole anymore without him and my body ached with the knowing. I felt lost and alone, more than I did when I first arrived in New York, because he was out there and I knew what I was missing. It wasn't just his body I craved, although that was a huge part of it. I missed his touch more than I can convey in words. But it was his mind, his self-deprecating humor, his modesty and insecurity and the fact that, even though he was aware of the way he looked and the affect his appearance had on others, he was convinced that once people got to know him that they would get bored with the mask and discard the person underneath. He told me that was why he fell for me; because when we were together he could truly be himself without the fear that I'd lose interest once the smoke cleared.

Emmett had taken to walking me home every night just like he used to do after Jake and I first split up. If he couldn't do it, he'd ask Donovan or Jasper would stop by after his shift at the restaurant. I felt silly needing a guardian to escort me home but Emmett insisted and Alice and Jasper agreed. Jake knew where I lived now. And even though he hadn't shown up at my apartment since the night he rescued me, they weren't taking any chances. I couldn't argue. Jake was a live wire and you never knew when he was going to short circuit.

**EPOV**

"What are you going to do when you get there?"

I shrugged and stuffed a few stray pieces of clothing into the Spartans duffle bag I used to use for track practice. It still smelled like old cleats but it did the job.

"Find my phone?" I smirked. "I dunno. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. I just need to get there."

"Don't beg," Rosalie teased.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not going to beg."

I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder, taking a deep breath and saying goodbye to my room for the second time in three months.

My father would be coming home from the hospital in two days and everything was set up in preparation for his arrival. He would stay in the living room until he was strong enough to walk up the stairs and a visiting nurse was going to come by every day to administer his meds and begin physical therapy. My mother's face was taking on a new look of relief and hope for the future and that alone made me feel better about leaving.

_You have to live your life, Edward, the only way you know how. No one else can live it for you, which is why no decision you make is wrong. Even if that decision doesn't work out in the end, there was a reason why it was made in the first place. It brought you to this moment._

"Well. That's it. Everything I own fits in one tiny bag."

Rosalie rose from the edge of my bed and walked towards me. "You don't need _things_, Edward. Everything you need is in here." She pressed her palm over my heart.

"And it's big and strong and capable of handling more than you give it credit for. Follow it and you'll be fine."

"Thanks, Ro."

"Don't mention it."

I wrapped one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to my chest, resting my chin on the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight.

"Get her back," she said into my jacket.

I kissed her hair and sighed. "I sure as shit am going to try. ...Love you, little sis."

"Love you, too, big brother." She pulled away and I could see her chin and bottom lip trembling even though she was trying to hide it.

"You sure you won't come with me, Rosie?"

"Nah. I'll be fine. Plus, with daddy being bed-ridden for the near future, I'm going to need to keep an eye on mother's best friend - the liquor cabinet."

I knew it was a lost cause. Her stubborn-ness knew no bounds - which is why I put Denny on round-the-clock Operation Protect Rosebud. Working part-time at the Jiffy Lube had its benefits...like plenty of time to spend parked in his car across the street from our house monitoring Rosalie's every move.

"Fine. But you call me the _second_ you feel uncomfortable. And _don't_ go back to Leah's."

"Don't you worry about that one. I think I'm banned by association," she smirked. "Now go. Have a safe flight. I'd say call me when you land but I'm pretty sure you'll have other things on your mind."

**BPOV**

"So you're finally doing it, huh?"

"Stop talking about it or you're going to freak me out."

"Have you told Emmett?"

"I haven't told anyone, Alice. I shouldn't even have told_ you._"

"Oh man. Emmett's going to shit himself, in a good way. ...Are you up next?"

"Uh huh."

"Did you choose which one you're going to do?"

"I think so."

"Is it the one you were writing last night? ...After he called?"

**EPOV**

My flight landed at JFK exactly on time. I stared out the window from my seat over the wing and watched the tall buildings and hazy skyline come into focus through the clouds. The dazzling lights glittered like a million tiny diamonds and I ran my hand through my hair in awe.

I looked at my watch.

8:47pm.

I caught a whiff of myself as I grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment and grimaced. _When was the last time I showered? _

I walked down the platform, smiling at the blushing stewardess waving goodbye, resigned to the fact that there'd be no one to meet me at the gate. There'd be no one there with a sign to welcome me. Or to hug me. Or to be happy I had returned.

Autumn in New York had turned downright frosty and I was shivering in my thin jacket as I stood at the curbside taxi stand. It was becoming apparent that I needed to go to the apartment for a shower and to change my clothes. Althought the desire to rush and find Bella was overwhelming, I figured smelling good would be a bonus in the hope that she might actually hug me or touch me or stand close enough to me to smell me. I still had the key to Victoria's apartment stuffed in my wallet. I hadn't told her I was leaving Forks. But I knew she was still there because I overheard her father tell my mom that while she was on the west coast she was going to LA for business starting tomorrow.

The doorman greeted me like I'd never left and the apartment looked exactly as it always did. Starched and pressed, everything in order and at a ninety degree angle, thanks to Victoria's OCD. I kicked off my Converse and tossed my bag on the couch followed by my jacket. I was itching to get into clothes that were clean and that didn't remind me of third period study hall.

First things first. I scoured the apartment for my cell phone. I immediately found the charger and chords curled in a pile on the living room table. My eyes roamed the carpet. I pushed the couch back and looked underneath. Nada. I shoved my hands between the cushions and dug around, smiling when my fingers hit a hard object. I plugged the charger and phone into the wall and headed to the bathroom.

I stripped off my t-shirt and tossed it on the bathroom floor. I unbuckled my belt, pulled it through the belt loops and let it fall. I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, pulled them over my ass and kicked them into the corner. I'd run out of underwear at my parent's house so I'd been going commando for two days. I looked at myself in the mirror, naked and exposed, and hoped that what looked back at me would still be enough for her. I stood in the shower and ran the water until it was hot and the bathroom had filled with steam. I pulled up the lever and lifted my head towards the showerhead, closing my eyes as the water poured over me.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I soaped my body and shampooed my hair. After I rinsed myself clean I turned off the shower and pulled a plush towel off the rack. I ran it over my head and chest and wrapped it around my waist. I padded barefoot across the shiny wooden floor into the bedroom. I tried not to look at the bed because I knew I'd see Bella in it and I didn't want to lose my nerve. I found my other pair of dark blue Lucky jeans and a clean pair of boxer briefs. I dropped the towel and slid them on. Stray droplets of water ran down my back as I decided on a shirt to wear.

While I searched I pulled my suitcase out of the closet and threw everything that was mine inside it, which basically consisted of one drawer full of clothes and assorted socks and underwear, a toothbrush, half a bottle of shampoo, an electric razor, and an Old Spice deodorant. I threw on a white Hanes tee and paired it with a white Abercrombie fitted button down. Then I dragged the suitcase out of the bedroom and propped it by the front door. I found my NYU messenger bag filled with schoolbooks and put it on top of the suitcase. My acoustic guitar was propped against the sliding glass door where I left it the last time I was out on the balcony and it joined my suitcase and bag by the door.

I went back into the bathroom and wet my hands and ran them through my hair. It stuck up in a million different directions in thick, unruly bronze waves. I combed my hands through a few more times before I gave up and let it do it's thing. After one last lap around the apartment, I realized I was done. It was amazing to me how quickly one could pack up the entire contents of their life and pile it by the door. I had done it in under twenty minutes. My heart was pounding in my chest and the butterflies were ravaging my insides. I thought I might be sick from nerves but I heard my mother and sister's voices in my head and I pushed the negative thoughts away.

I took the small gold key out of my wallet and placed it on the barren marble countertop. I stuffed my phone in my back pocket, opened the heavy black door and turned my back on a life that was never mine. Holding it open with the side of my foot, I pulled my things into the hall.

Once I lugged everything down to the lobby I arranged for the concierge to lock the bags in the storage room closet. He made me fill out a slip which I signed. I stuffed the carbon copy into my wallet, thanking him. He followed me closely out to the curbside taxi stand and hailed a cab for me, asking for the address of where I needed to go. As I slid across the leather interior, I thought about this man - who had a family and friends and problems and bills of his own. I wondered if he understood the enormity of this particular moment that we were sharing. I wondered if he'd ever realize that the information I just gave him was sending me in the most important direction my life had ever taken.

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**There is much more of the reunion to come but I won't be able to update for a few days and wanted to at least get it started. ps - i know i mixed up the timezones in the last chapter. d'oh _ it should have been midnight and 3am. thanks for going easy on me. xoxo**


	27. Heart like a canvas

**Thank you so much to my loyal readers and reviewers and to those who keep favoriting and following . You keep me going and I value each and every one of you. To those that review, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you think of the story. I truly value your input. Please continue to share your thoughts with me. xoxo.**

**There is some back and forth in time in this chapter but it should be pretty easy to follow. Thanks to blackbeltgirll for her quick beta skills on this chapter :D  
**

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No one's picking up the phone  
Guess it's clear he's gone  
And this little masochist  
Is lifting up her dress  
Guess I thought I could never feel  
The things I feel

from _Hey Jupiter_, by Tori Amos

* * *

**EPOV**

The cab lets me out in front of the Bowery Poetry Club and Cafe and into the assorted crowd gathered on the sidewalk; made up mostly of smokers and those who don't want to sit inside while all their friends are outside smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since I left Forks - a record for me - and my hands are shaking with the need. I wasn't sure I even had enough money to buy a pack, but it doesn't matter because the need I have is not the need for nicotine or for the quenching of an oral fixation. My body is craving something far more substantial.

Wasting no time and ignoring the lust-filled looks of the girls blocking my entrance, I push through the door and into the low lights of the club's musty interior. My eyes adjust to the dimness and I pray my instincts are correct. They have to be. I can feel her in the air. Does anyone else feel that? The charge in the air? The unexplained static electricity? I search the oblivious faces of those around me and suddenly my skin breaks out in chills. She's near… and then… my eyes settle on her...like a bird on a wire. She's at the far end of the room, crossing through the crowd with great determination on her face. I yell out, but there's no air in my lungs, no sound produced. She's taken my breath away. My throat constricts like a boa and I force a swallow to clear my air passage. There she is in front of me, separated by a hundred bodies packed tightly together. My heart lunges into my throat and threatens to strangle me but I find my voice.

"Bella!!" I call out over the loud music. Emmett's playing old school rap again, Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh, and the bass is deafening. I thought I saw her stop in her tracks and flinch like she was scolding a voice in her head. _Look at me, Bella. Please God, please let her look at me._

She shakes off the notion and steps onto the stage with surprising grace. She's wearing a tight denim miniskirt, striped tights, and a baggy off the shoulder shirt with a glittery picture of Debbie Harry on the front. I smile as I remember seeing that exact shirt hanging over the chair in her cluttered bedroom.

She sets a notebook - I recognize it as her trusty marble composition book - on the music stand next to the microphone and brushes her hair out of her eyes.

She's cut it and it suits her perfectly. It's shiny and noticeably shorter; pulled back to the nape of her neck in a blunt ponytail with jagged pieces covering her ears. Bobby pins hold twisted sections to the sides of her head in intricate patterns, perfectly framing her heart-shaped face, accentuating her delicate features. Edgy wisps of jet black bangs cut across her forehead from the left side of her part and hang into the thick black lashes of her right eye. She blinks them out without noticing. Her eye makeup is dark charcoal and smoky, her lips full with only gloss covering their natural light pink coloring. Her pale skin has only the slightest flush of rose in her cheeks, again natural. She's exquisite.

I move through the crowd that's beginning to gather by the stage. People take their drinks from the bar and once all the tables and wooden classroom chairs have been filled, they stand in makeshift aisles and along the back wall; any space where there's room to stand. I spot Donovan tending bar but he's too busy serving customers to notice me. My eyes roam for Alice or Jasper or Emmett but I don't see them. The music fades away and there's nothing but silence. _Call out to her, you fucking pansy. What are you waiting for? You've waited all this time and there she is in front of you!! CALL TO HER!!!!_

But I can't. Something is holding me back. Something is about to happen here and I can't interrupt. I have to let it unfold. I cross my arms against my chest and blend into the surroundings.

"Hey there," she begins. Fuck I love her. "Um. I'm Bella. ...I work here…well, I work over _there_ usually. Behind the bar." She points and the crowd giggles gently at her awkward cuteness. She looks uncomfortable under the scrutiny of their eyes and my immediate gut reaction is to leap onto the stage and save her, to fling her over my shoulder like a modern day King Kong and run with her out the door. But as she continues to talk in her charmingly stuttered steps, the rigidness in her shoulders, the tightness in her smile, begins to loosen. Her eyes move up from the floor and look out into the audience. Butterflies are swirling in my stomach.

"Thanks for coming out to Poetry Slam and supporting WordShop. It's a great honor to be in the company of some of today's most talented writers who are taking instrumental steps to bring poetry directly to the community. Please donate to the workshop and the cause and all that good stuff. ...So...um...yeah, anyway, it's really fucking hard coming up here after Gypsee Yo. Isn't she amazing, you guys?" The crowd claps and hoots and hollers and Bella smiles sweetly to her right at a woman smiling back at her from the side of the stage.

"Her words and performances are incredibly powerful and she brings me endless inspiration. She's truly magical. And we'll get her back up here before the night is over, don't you worry." She smiles at the woman again and it's at that moment - watching the glow of admiration radiate from Bella's beautiful face - that I understand what the craft means to Bella. Though short in duration, our entire relationship has revolved entirely around _my_ life, _my_ issues and past hang-ups. It's consumed me and I've let it consume _us_. _I'm such an asshole._ Yet miraculously, she's stood by me through it all. _And she loves me_. At least she _did_.

"...Anyway, um, I've wanted to do this for a long time...ever since I started working here actually, but I've never had the nerve. You all are so amazing and I...I never thought I could...well, you know, be good enough. I just...as you can see, I could never be a stand-up comedian." Another giggle from the audience and Bella blushes. There's no way I can interrupt this special moment in her life, something she promised me she would do if I held up my end of our bargain, a bargain I'm sure she's long forgotten.

"OK then. Here goes…be gentle."

She clears her throat and the butterflies in my stomach turn into a million tiny daggers. As her voice fills the room and finds its way to my ears, it's clear that the daggers are made of her words.

_Leaving is not enough;_

_You must stay gone._

_Train your heart like a dog._

_Change the locks even on the house he's never visited._

_You lucky, lucky girl._

_You have an apartment just your size._

_A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid._

_Don't wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes,_

_Your problems are paper mache puppets you made or bought,_

_Because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them._

_You had to have him. And you did._

_And now you pull down the bridge between your houses,_

_You make him call before he visits,_

_You take a lover for granted,_

_You take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic._

_Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic._

_Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries._

_Don't lose too much weight._

_Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge._

_And you are not stupid._

_You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars,_

_And here you stand._

_Heart like a four-poster bed._

_Heart like a canvas._

_Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street._

The room is silent, but before it becomes uncomfortably so, it erupts in applause. I clap weakly and wipe away the tears from under my eyes but they still manage to fall down my cheeks. _What do I do next? Is now the time to make this all about me?_

Her molten eyes meet mine and there's a fiery jolt in the pit my stomach that a look from her brings. I hope to God she's feeling the same warmth spreading over her body. She's holding her notebook close to her chest, to guard her heart, and she's starting to tremble like she's just been doused with freezing water. I struggle to get through the crowd waiting for her to come off stage. It's absurd that we're in the same room and not speaking. _Why is my life always like this? Why is everything so fucking difficult? Why can't anything just work out the way I planned it for once!_ I find the ground as I trip over someone's feet. I curse and catch my balance but when I look up, she's gone. The top of her head is making a beeline for the bar and Emmett. They exchange a few quick words and Emmett's face crunches tight, scanning the perimeter of the crowd. He's looking for me I know it. Bella's grabbed her jacket and it looks like she's leaving but I can't tell. A bunch of people have walked through the front door and are blocking my view.

"NO!!! BELLA WAIT!!!" I shout over the returning house music, frantically pushing to the front in an attempt to follow but a leaden fist punches me in the dead center of my chest.

"SO. You're back, huh?" Emmett is easily my height if not an inch or so taller and pure muscle, broad shoulders, defined arms, giant hands that could crush my skull like an acorn, but there's something in his dark eyes that tells me it's not something he makes a habit of doing, that he'll only react that way if he's pushed. I don't want to push him.

"Please, Emmett. Not now, ok? …_Bella!!!" _I call out over his shoulder. _I'm losing her._

"You think you can just come back here and pick her up like she's a fucking order of Chinese take-out?! You have a massive set of hairy balls. Who do you think you are anyway? You're not the only guy in this world, asshole. She doesn't need you to save her."

"Emmett, please move so I can get by."

"Not gonna happen, pal. Unless you _make me_. ...I dare you."

"Oh my God will you at least tell me where she's going?" I plead.

"It's not that easy, Cullen. You won't get any answers or assistance from me. That's my best girl and you hurt her, to put it fucking mildly. If you only _knew_ the fucking pain you caused her, what it was like after you left, what it did to Bella...fuck you I shouldn't be telling you any of this. Just stay the fuck away from her. You don't deserve the sweat off her beer."

Anger wells up in me, seeping through my pores and clenching my jaw. "I hurt Bella. ...You don't think I _know_ that!? God fucking_ knows_ I know that, Emmett! I'm _plagued_ by it. It haunts me every second of every day and hasn't let me sleep in weeks!! I don't need _you_ to fucking remind me!! But I'm here now and I'm trying to fix it!!"

"No you're not. You're just feeling guilty, and you want Bella to tell you its ok for you to fuck your girlfriend while you string her along for the ride. I warned you about hurting her. Leave now and I won't hurt _you_. Comprende?"

I push past him with more force than I should if I know what's good for me. "Fuck you, Emmett. You don't know anything about me."

**BPOV**

I'm slumped against the back of the bar, panting heavily and staring down at the register keys, still clutching my cell phone in my sweaty palm. My heart is racing. It can't be healthy for your heart to beat this fast.

A small hand runs up my back and massages the bottom of my neck. "Bella? Sweetie, are you alright? What happened?"

"Edward," I groan pitifully into her massage. She stops kneading and slaps the back of my head.

"Of _course_ it's Edward. It's _always_ Edward, honey. You gotta stop this. He's far away from you now and you are _better off_. He can't hurt you anymore unless you let him. Remember what that self-help book I bought you said? The Language of Letting Go?"

I snort and roll my eyes. "I threw that book out, Alice. After I blew my nose in all the pages." I shrug at her annoyed expression. "...Sorry. It wasn't my finest moment."

I stuff my phone in my back pocket and slide down to the grimy floor behind the bar. I pull my knees to my chest and sigh deeply.

"He called."

She squats down in front of me so she's level with my eyes. "What do you _mean_ 'he _called'_?"

"I _mean_...he _called_. As in I picked up the phone and he was on the other end. Well technically his _sister_ was on the other end and she put him on but you see where I'm going with this. …He called. He was _talking_ to me, Alice. With that _voice_. He still has that honey sex-coated voice."

"Hate to break it to you, babe, but most people's voices don't change in a month. Especially if that voice, filled with honey or strawberries or whateverthefuck makes you weak, belongs to a giant _pussy _boy who's waited all this f_ucking time to finally fucking call you_!! Are you _kidding_ me??? What kind of shit is that?? I hope you told him to go fuck himself."

"Christ when did you grow such a filthy mouth? Jasper's southern charm hasn't rubbed off on you at all, has it?"

"Oh Jasper's rubbing off on me just fine, sweetie...in allllll the right places and with all the right parts of his tremendously skilled body."

"Gross." I fold my arms on top of my knees and drop my head between them. "What am I going to do?" I whine.

"What _can_ you do? Did he say he was coming back?"

"No."

"Did he say he broke up with that wench?"

"No."

"Did he tell you he loved you and wanted to be with you and you alone, that he's lost without you, a wreck inside, a shell of a broken man, that you're his only reason for living and without you by his side life has lost all meaning and he's wandering this world alone barely able to carry on from one day to the next? Did he – "

"ALICE. Stop. He didn't say any of those things. He didn't have a chance to say much of anything, but his sister told me that he cared about me and that I -"

"Hang on. His _sister?_"

"Edward's been calling, Alice. He's been calling since he left, but no one told me. Emmett, Donovan – they knew this whole time but they kept it from me. That's why Rosalie called and said she was my friend from Phoenix."

I took a deep breath and explained everything from the beginning, starting with Rosalie's first phone call and our heated conversation as she tried to explain, but I wouldn't listen, I was yelling and Emmett told me to get the fuck in the back or get off the phone. I finally agreed to give her my cell number and her second call came an hour later from a bar where Edward was playing.

"_That's_ what you were doing in the kitchen that whole time? On your cell phone listening to Edward play? I thought you were doing the dishes."

I nod, my eyes swimming in tears. I had heard it all. Every word as clear as day. Edward's sultry vocals…the gasps and whimpers from the audience.

_I miss you so much, there's no one in sight. And we're still making love…In My Secret Life. _

My heart soared. "It was as if he were singing directly to me, Alice. Like he knew I was listening."

And then a different voice with a devious tone, _I thought I might find you here_, much closer, _When did you turn into a liar, Rosalie_, threatening, _You won't be able to scream_, then Rosalie, frightened and begging, _You're hurting me_. _Don't_…_My brother and his friends are here._

_I'll slice your throat while you sleep._ And the connection was lost.

Alice's eyes are as wide as saucers as I continue on to the call back moments later. I was still in the kitchen, quaking in my boots and trying to process what I'd just heard; contemplating calling my father for the first time in months when my phone began vibrating in my hand.

_Bella!! Bella, it's Rosalie again, please don't hang up. _A brief rustling, Rosalie calling my name out to another, more muffled voices and then the sound I had been waiting for, dreaming of…

_Bella!!???_

_Edward??!!_

_I'm so sorry, Bella. For everything._

Then the sounds of a struggle_, _shoes shuffling over gravel_, fight! Fight!, _a piercing shriek.

"And that was it. The line went dead. I tried calling back but it kept going straight to Rosalie's voicemail."

Alice's hand had gone to her mouth in shock at the description of what I heard. "Jesus, Bella. That's completely fucked. So you don't know what happened?"

I shake my head solemnly.

"Maybe you should call your dad."

"I thought about it but…"

"What are you two doing down there?" Emmett's deep voice echoes from above. He puts the drawer back in the register and looks down on us.

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Uh huh." He raises his eyebrows in suspicion. "...Well, I'm gonna lock up, Bells. Let me know when you're ready to go."

I nod up at him and he walks into the kitchen shutting down the lights as he goes. I lean closer to Alice and put my head on her shoulder. She strokes the fine hairs at the base of my neck and I close my eyes to enjoy the tingling sensation of her touch.

"Come on, bunny. Let's go home." She stands up and holds her hands out to me. "I'm sleeping at your place tonight."

I grab them and she hoists me up to a standing position. I wipe my hands over my butt and try to kick away the pins and needles that are settling into my calves.

"It's 4am, Alice. Which pretty much ensures that you're going to pass the fuck out on my couch the second your skinny ass hits the cushion."

"Nuh-uh. Because I'm sleeping with YOU. Your bed is insanely comfortable."

"It's also a double and you're a cover hog."

"So scoot the fuck over. Geez. I don't take up that much room."

I chuckle at that and grab my bag. "I love you, crazy girl."

Alice spends the entire walk to my apartment on the phone with Jasper, who, even though it's 4am and he got off work hours ago, is managing to stay up just so he can talk love-mush to his love-muffin. Emmett and I purposely walk slower to separate ourselves from the nauseating conversation.

"So, who's Rosalie?" Emmett asks, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket.

"I'm still mad at you," I answer, looking straight ahead.

"I told you I was sorry."

"No you didn't. You told me it was _your_ fucking bar and you could screen calls any time you fucking well pleased."

That shuts his stupid, though handsome, face up and we continue walking in silence. Out of the corner of my eye I can see his face scrunched in thought.

"What are you thinking about?"

"…Jacob Black."

"Edward isn't Jake, Emmett."

"So you've forgiven him?"

"Jake? ...Yes. I moved on a long time ago."

"I meant Edward."

"He's on the other side of the country, Em. Who knows if he's ever coming back. Our relationship, whatever it was, was obviously just a flash in the pan of his life and I got caught up in the intoxication of being with someone new after I broke up with Jake. That's all it was."

"You're such a fucking liar, Bella. I really need to teach you how to get better at that shit, because that was pathetic."

"What are you talking about?"

"I asked you about Jake – you said you moved on. I asked you about _Edward_ and you give me his geographical location and a million excuses. It's obvious you're not over him."

I open and close my mouth like a blowfish, unable to compose a coherent comeback.

"That's not...look Em...I know I was out of it for awhile after Edward left...and you guys...shit, you guys are my best fucking friends and I can't thank you enough for carrying me when I couldn't walk - "

"Yeah yeah whatever that's what friends are for and all that shit, you're ignoring the discussion at hand, which_ issss_, you're not over Edward."

"And your solution was to hide the fact that he was trying to reach me? So I'd continue to think he didn't care? So I'd continue to think he was a prick who just used me for a laugh and then went back to Forks to settle down with his successful girlfriend?"

Emmett's contemplative for a few moments as we wait for the light to change. "Don't get your hopes up just because he called you, Bella. Big fucking deal. He called. You deserve more than a fucking phone call. ...Now, are you going to tell me about this Rosalie chick or not?"

***

This is how it plays out in my dreams. I'm on an empty stage with a blinding spotlight pointed on me. I'm looking out into the black abyss of the audience, their silent anticipation sending bolts of lightning across my skin. I turn the mike on and fiddle with the microphone stand. _It's wrong to be doing this without him here_, I'd think to myself. But I promised him I would do it. That's when I would look up and see him standing against the far wall, his long arms crossed at his chest, a sexy smirk curled at the corner of his perfect mouth. Our eyes would meet and he'd push off the wall and walk towards me. I'd stand motionless, never breaking our electric gaze. He'd reach his hand out to me and I'd take it. He'd help me down and gather me in his warm embrace, thanking me, caressing me, asking if would be alright for him to take me home and worship me like the goddess I am.

All those things happened that chilly October night, but instead of going to him, instead of burying myself in his cinnamon and cinders...I ran.

"_Can I leave, Emmett? Please. I need to leave."_

Edward's voice echoes down the empty city street as his footsteps grow closer. "Bella!! Wait!!_ Please_ wait for me!!"

I cringe at the sound of his pleading, but I pick up the pace and I don't look back. If I look back, I'll stop. And I can't stop. To stop would mean instant forgiveness, because the truth is, I forgave him the second I saw him in the crowd. I need to run, I'm so angry at him and at myself!! Why do I have to love him so much? Why does everything else stop when he appears?! Why do I relinquish control? I'd convinced myself that the last few months were a vivid dream that I eventually had to wake up from.

_I came to terms with this already, Edward!! I sleep with your memory every night! It's how I've learned to get by. You can't do this! You can't just come back and rob me of my comfort!_

My internal monologue is so loud that I don't hear the blaring of the taxi horn as the cab swerves around me, warning me of oncoming traffic.

"Bella get back!!" An arm reaches around me and sets me back on the sidewalk.

"What are you doing?! You could have been killed!! Why are you running from me? Bella? ...Open your eyes."

I open my eyes one at a time and he appears before me like I was afraid he would. He's not a figment of my imagination, he's not an apparition. He's real, incredibly so.

"No. No," I shake my head repeatedly. "You're not here. This isn't happening. I can't do this anymore." I turn and attempt to cross the street but he pulls me back again.

"Stop walking into traffic, Bella. Look at me. It's Edward. I'm here."

"Wh-why? You were gone." A chill has set in and my chin begins to tremble.

"I know. I'm so fucking sorry. Can we maybe go somewhere and talk?"

"You weren't picking up your phone..."

"I didn't bring it with me. Bella, as soon as I got the call, I ran out as fast as I could and took the first flight I could find back home. I didn't even bring a change of clothes with me."

"But...she said...nevermind."

"_Who _said?"

"She said you were taking her calls and that once she flew out to be with you, you would have everything you need. Then she slammed the door in my face."

"Wait...You spoke with Victoria?" The way he says it makes me feel like I crossed the line.

"...yes."

"You went to her apartment?"

I nod dumbly. I don't want him to be angry with me even though I've yet to receive any answers from him on exactly why the fuck he stood me up, why he went back to Forks without one fucking word to me about it, and why he was gone for weeks without so much as a simple phone call.

But there's no anger or admonishment in his face; his tone doesn't contain anything but concern and confusion. In fact his eyes are resting on my shaking shoulders and he hesitates, licking his lips, before reaching for me, like I'm a wounded dog that could run off at any moment.

"Why did you do that?" he says so low that I almost miss the question.

Dear God he's even more beautiful than I had allowed myself to remember. The streetlights bounce and dance in his tousled hair and his breath creates a fine minty mist in the chilled air around us. We're swallowed in our own little pocket of warmth and at this exact moment, there is no one else on earth except me and Edward Cullen.

"Don't cry, Bella." He wipes a tear across my cheek with the tip of his index finger and then keeps his finger on my face, tracing it along the fine lines of my features. My hands have found their way to his sides and are gripping to the waistband of his jeans more tightly as each second passes until I can feel my fingers clawing into his hipbones. He doesn't wince or pull away. He couldn't get any closer to me without knocking me over. We sway against the weight of our bodies in a delicate dance without moving our feet.

"Bella, please don't cry, beautiful."

"You said you'd meet me in front of the theater. I waited and waited but you didn't come. It's not like you. You're never late. I thought something was wrong - that you were hurt or in trouble, I know it's crazy but that's how my mind works. I tried calling but your phone went right to voicemail. I just wanted to see you, to make sure you were alright, even if you didn't want to see me anymore. I panicked. ...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it."

Without warning he scoops me up and lifts me into his warm comforting embrace. His lips are flush on my shoulder as he pulls me against him and crushes our weight together. My feet have left the ground, I wind my legs through his and settle into the cage of his strong arms.

"Oh God you silly girl," he buries his face in my neck and pulls the hair tie out of my ponytail so he can breathe into my hair while he talks.

"Don't you know that seeing you is the best part of my day? Why do you think I did it _every day_? Do you have any idea how fast I used to rush down here after work? I changed like Superman in the executive bathroom and cursed under my breath every time the subway made a stop that wasn't mine."

He's brushing his mouth up my jugular until I think I can't take any more and my arms tighten around his ribcage. "I can't believe you did what you did," he murmurs into my ear, brushing the edge of my earlobe with his soft bottom lip.

"You're not mad at me?" I whimper.

"_Mad at you_?" he whispers, still running his mouth across my skin.

"For being a stalker?"

The vibration of his laughter against my body sends moisture to my silk panties.

"Bella, you amaze me. Even when I'm one hundred and ten percent to blame for everything that has happened between us, _everything_ I've put you through is _entirely_ my fault, somehow you still manage to find a way to let me off the hook. Fuck. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

I slump limp in his arms. He must think I'm trying to get away because he holds me tighter.

"I moved out, Bella. Tonight. As soon as I landed I went to the apartment and packed up everything that was mine, which wasn't much. I wanted to come to you clean of her, with no ties, with nothing holding me back. There's no reason for me ever to go back there now."

He loosens the embrace long enough to bring his hands to my face and cups them under my chin so I have no choice but to look into those eyes sparkling like an emerald city. I notice that they're coated in a watery sheen.

He's trying not to cry.

"What happened, Edward?" I slide my hands up and down the backs of his arms - it's a simple gesture that's always brought me comfort when I felt out of control. "Why did you go back to Forks?"

Edward's flawless face contorts with the memory but he takes a deep breath and tightens his grip around my waist.

"After I left you outside the club that day, I went to a bar and got shit-faced...but anyway, that's another story. When I went back to the apartment, Victoria was there. We had a pretty significant blow out. I told her we were through and she dismissed me like she always done, and that's when my mother called. She said that my father was in intensive care. She was hysterical. I didn't know what to do. So I left. I went straight to the airport and paid whatever it took to get a flight out that night. We have a shitty relationship, Bella, but he's still my dad. My mom kept crying and my sister was yelling and the whole time I'm standing there, in this circle of craziness, completely helpless."

"My God. Edward, I'm so sorry. That's terrible." He puts me down and I take his hand. We continue walking, Edward filling me in along the way on his father's condition and how he finally ended it with Victoria for good. He explains what happened the night Rosalie called, how he got into a fist fight with her boyfriend, Royce, and how Rosalie's phone was thrown to the pavement when Royce's friend punched him in the face. My gut twists at the thought of anyone or anything marring the perfection of Edward's face and I express my concern for Rosalie's safety in Forks with that psychopath on the loose. Edward assures me she is being well looked after by his connections in town. He tells me about Leah's and how he began playing there as an outlet for his creative energies and as a way to get through the mental fatigue and stress of being three thousand miles away and unable to get in touch with me. He said it made him feel closer and reminded him of the times he played for me at Bowery. He said he would close his eyes on stage and picture me sitting in the crowd smiling up at him as he sang and then clapping and hugging him when it was over.

Eventually we're standing on the stoop outside my building. He's run out of things to say and I don't know where to start. So we just stand and stare at each other in awe.

"I don't have anywhere else to go tonight, but that doesn't mean you have to let me in," he says sincerely.

I turn to walk inside, but he doesn't follow. He's standing under the streetlight with his arms crossed, watching me go. I walk back down the steps and take his hand, murmuring,_ Cut it out,_ before pulling him in after me.

We enter my apartment and I flip on the lights. "Well, here we are. Same shit." I roll my eyes and toss the keys on the kitchen table. If I knew Edward was going to be in my apartment tonight I would have tidied up.

"I love it here," Edward says as he kicks off his Converse. Without warning he's behind me, turning me around and scooping me into his arms. "Just because we're inside now doesn't mean it's ok for there to be distance between us," he purrs. I'm breathless at the sensation of his hard body pressed firmly against mine. Surely he can feel my heart pounding in my chest. His smell is intoxicating - warm apple cider mixed with cool autumn air. How is it possible for a man to smell like that? Simple. Edward is like no other man.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

He raises an eyebrow and a suspicious smirk forms in the corner of his gorgeous mouth.

"Go ahead."

"...Did you love her?"

I'm positive I just ruined the moment and I wish I could take it back, but the question doesn't send him running or freeze him up. In fact his expression remains unchanged. He's concentrating on running his hands through my hair, pulling out all the bobby pins holding it in place and smoothing it away from my forehead. He's focused intently on his mission - - my hair, my face.

When he finally speaks it's in a soft, playful voice.

"Fuck no."

The smoothing continues and I feel like a puppy being pet and caressed. He's combing his fingers through my hair and when he hits a bobby pin he pulls it out and contemplates the strands.

"See, I really am a selfish bastard, Bella. You should run while you can."

"Stop saying that to me." I push him but not hard enough to even hint that I want to push him away. He growls at me and pulls me closer.

"Fuck," he whispers. "I missed you _so. fucking. much_. I didn't know it was possible to miss one person so completely. I thought about you every day. I should have memorized your number the second you wrote it on that beautiful poem. A poem I love so much that I taped it to the inside cover of my copy of Leaves of Grass. ..._Come said the muse, Sing me a song no poet has yet chanted, Sing me the universal_.

"Isabella," he breathes my name into my ear and takes a deep breath.

"I told myself I wouldn't forgive you so easily," I stutter. "But then you start quoting Whitman and you still look and smell like I remember and I'm as lost as I ever was." I know I'm giving him mixed signals and I can sense the frustration and torture in his voice.

"I'll do whatever you want, Bella. If you want me to go, I'll go. I won't force you into anything you don't want."

"You're an idiot."

He snorts a laugh and shrugs his shoulders. "That's an understatement. But I had to try. I had to see you again even if it was to be rejected by you. Thank you, Bella, for entertaining my presence tonight. You are every bit as stunning as I knew you would be; as you are in my dreams. I deserve the disappointment of knowing exactly what I have lost by my stupidity and self-centered behavior. Whoever gets to have you is the luckiest man on Earth. But I better not ever meet him, because I will fucking murder him in the street." He forces a weak smile.

"No!" I yelp, hanging onto him as he attempts to pull out of our embrace. "I meant you're an idiot if you think I want you to go." I put his arms back where they belong around my waist and nuzzle into his chest. "...Don't. Don't go."

He kisses the top of my head and I whimper at the thought of what his lips look like pressing into my hair. _So much for keeping my composure_. He pulls his head back and grins at my reaction to his simple touch. I blush and let my eyes trail down his neck, following the curve of his body down his chest until it reaches the first few dots of short, wiry chest hairs sticking out from the neckline of his undershirt. He ghosts his hand up my side until he reaches bare skin. He runs the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip and I open my mouth slightly. He hesitates curiously but I flick my tongue out and he grins at my invitation, instantly dipping his thumb inside my waiting mouth. I close my lips over his heated skin and he moans low as I suck and run my tongue along the length of his long finger.

"My God, Bella. Watching you do that is driving me crazy." He takes a half-step closer and I can feel the heat radiating off his body. Our skin is tingling through our clothes with the nearness of each others flesh. I release my suction on his thumb and he removes it from my mouth, admiring the saliva glistening on its length.

He lets out a strangled groan. "Bella..." There so much passion in his voice. I know what he wants. His eyes are swirling emeralds of pain and ravenous desire. He cups his hands under each side of my jaw and lifts my face to meet his stare. He's radiating an intensity that's sending spasms through my entire body.

"Bella..." he repeats. "I..."

"What is it?" I whisper. His breathing has become ragged. He's beginning to tremble. The lazy circles he's tracing over my cheekbones are sending goosebumps up and down my skin like warning signs. There's something between us that cannot be contained. He'll only take his eyes away from mine for a second at a time to study my face and to watch his own fingers as they trail over my skin.

"My God," he mutters. "...Simply amazing."

"Edward?" My forehead creases in concern.

"Bella..."

Is he having second thoughts about us now that he's with me again? Has he realized that it's not what he wants after all? Is this how he's going to end things with me for good? I stifle a scared swallow.

"Yes? .._.Edward_?"

Suddenly and unexpectedly, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me flush to his chest, sweeping me off my feet and placing his lips on my hairline.

He squeezes me until I squeak but even then he doesn't loosen his grip on me. "I love you," he murmurs breathlessly, his warm sweet breath heating my skin. If he wasn't holding me so tight I'd surely have fainted.

"I love you so much, Bella, and with everyfuckingthing I have. Everything I'm made of, every piece of me, it all belongs to you. I never should have waited this long to tell you. ...I started falling in love with you the day we met. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I will never leave you again.'

Tears are streaming down my face. I'm speechless. All I can do is nod in the affirmative. _Yes, you idiot. Of course I forgive you._

He lets out a gust of air he's been holding in for weeks and moves to whisper my ear, "Can I kiss you now?"

I let out a laugh that catches in my throat, which brings a smile of relief to his face, and I nod again.

"Thank you," he says, bringing his mouth to mine and softly pressing our lips together. The memories of what it's like to kiss him, the sweet taste of his lips, the way they cover and move across mine with ease and grace, come flooding back and it's then that I realize I haven't said it back.

"Edward," I mumble into his kisses.

"Hmm?" he mumbles back, unable to take his lips off mine for a second. His eyes are closed and there's a look of complete immersion and concentration on his face as he kisses me.

"...I love you, too, Edward. I always have. ...I never stopped."

He pulls away to make sure he heard me correctly and we both smile. His lips crash down on mine and he locks me in his arms. I crawl my hands up the back of his neck and claw through his thick wavy hair. He's panting into my mouth and I open wider; he pushes his tongue inside where mine is anxiously waiting and they're dancing and lapping, licking and tasting. He finds his way under my shirt and I moan _"__God yes Edward__"_ as he slides his palms over my covered breasts. I walk backwards towards the bedroom with Edward matching me step for step, our mouths still connected, our tongues still dashing in and out of mouths. Once inside he kicks the door closed with his foot and we stop when the backs of my knees hit the bedpost. Kissing languidly, he begins undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. I push his fingers out of the way and start doing it myself, faster, needing his shirt off _now_, needing to see his body naked, to feel his bare skin under my touch, I can't wait for the romance of undressing . He grins at my desperation, "I was hoping you'd help me out." He tugs my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor, and pulls his Hanes undershirt off in one fluid motion. It falls at our feet. I step out of my skirt and roll my tights down my legs while he watches, his mouth hanging open, his erection tight and visible through his jeans.

"Fuck, Bella, you're killing me." he starts towards me, but I back away, and he shoves his hands through his hair in frustration. "Killing me," he repeats, pacing while he watches me slide the tights over my feet and hang them over the bedpost.

"I guess we better let him out before he starts to get cranky," I tease, standing in front of him in just my black bra and bright pink thong. I run my hands down his sculpted torso and brush them over his bulge, squeezing lightly but enough to make his groan. "...So big," I mumble, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

He growls gutturally and pushes me onto the bed. I move to the center and watch as he unbuckles his belt and slides his jeans over his ass, letting them fall to his ankles he kicks them into the darkness.

I rise to my knees and hold out my hands. "C'mere."

He crawls across the mattress and we collide together with tongues and hands, bare skin on skin. He unclasps my bra and pushes the straps from my shoulders letting the soft lace fall from my modest breasts. He kisses down my neck, pausing at the pulse in my throat, "Love you so much," he tells my heartbeat, and continues working his mouth down the mound of my breast, licking over my nipple before sucking it into his mouth and nipping it with his front teeth. I cry out and plunge my fingers into his hair, throwing my head back in ecstasy. He gives each breast equal attention with fingers and tongue and I'm absolutely soaked to the bone.

I sink down to the mattress, pulling him on top of me. I run my hands down the length of his long, muscular back until I feel the elastic waist of his boxers. Wrapping my legs around him, I stick my toes into the waistband and pull them over his tight ass and down his thighs. He shimmies them off the rest of the way and he's finally completely naked and hovering over me and it's not a dream.

"It's not a dream," I verbalize. Saying the words makes it real.

"No, Bella. It _is_ a dream. A dream come true."

"Edwarrrrrrrd," I whine, pulling his lips to mine I suck on his warm tongue. He shifts onto his side and snakes his left hand between my legs.

"Fuck. You're so wet." He takes his lips away so he can watch his hand disappear inside my thong. I moan loudly and open my legs to give him more room. He runs one finger down my moist slit and slips it inside to the knuckle, followed by another, and I buck my hips in the air to meet them. He slides them in and out and adds a third, my juices dripping down his fingers. He rises to his knees and straddles my legs, his erection heavy and at attention. With his other hand he pulls down my pink thong and tosses it onto the dresser. He removes his fingers and replaces them with his tongue, lapping up my juices and murmuring breathlessly against the swollen flesh of my opening before sucking me off to completion, my muscles tensing around his tongue as orgasm shakes my walls. I paw at the headboard as I come down from the euphoria, humming with satisfaction.

"Goddamn how'd you get so good at that?" I pant. He shakes his head and smiles shyly, lowering his body flush against mine, his erection digging into my hip, its pre-cum wetness warm on my flesh. He kisses me sweetly and I can feel his rock hard arousal pulsing between us.

"It's been too long. I can't control myself with you, Bella. I want you so badly. I can't stand it. It hurts to want you this much."

"Take me, Edward. I'm yours. It's yours. All of it." I spread my legs and he falls in between them, his cock pressing against my most sensitive area sending residual ripples of pleasure through me

"I...I don't have anything with me."

_Condoms. Shit._

"I think we used all of the ones you brought last time." I blush remembering the pile of used, stretched out rubbers that filled the trash cans in the bedroom _and _bathroom the last time Edward stayed the night.

"Are you on any other kind of birth control? It's such a crass, unromantic thing to ask but..."

I smirk.

I had been on the pill in college and went back on it as soon as Jake and I started dating. We always used condoms...except that last time...but until "the man" caught on, I continued to get my birth control pill prescription refilled under my mother's insurance.

"Bella, I've never had sex without a condom, not with _her_, not with anyone, not ever. Hard to believe but it's true. I swear to you. That being said, I understand if you feel uncomfortable and don't want to do it. I'll just go to the bathroom and jerk off for an hour." he winks.

"It's ok, Edward. I trust you." He sighs and kisses me tenderly, stroking the side of my face with his warm hand.

"And_ I_ _love you_. More than I'll ever be able to show you. ...But I'm sure as shit going to try...._right. fucking. now._" His arms flex as they hold the weight of his body above me. I run my hands over the lines of muscle that stretch underneath the surface and he pushes inside me with a primal groan.

"Fuuuuuck," he breathes out, steadying himself. "There's nothing in this world like your body, Isabella." His considerable length is completely buried inside me, I follow the separate lines of our bodies until my eyes reach the part where we connect, where we're one, I look up into Edward's eyes with tears in mine to find tears in his as well.

"Will you ever be able to believe how much I love you?" he whispers, thrusting slowly in and out of my throbbing wetness.

"If it's anything compared to my love for you," I moan, stroking my fingers down the side of his angelic face. "There will never be any doubt in my mind."

With that Edward settles into a rhythmic set of long forceful strokes, each one bringing us both closer to the edge. His mastery of the skill of sex, when to speed up, when to slow down, is the stuff PhD classes in the art of fucking are made of. He brings his hand to the jut of my hipbone and pushes it down into the mattress, giving him a sharper angle of entrance as he plunges his cock deep inside me. I cry out and dig my fingernails into his ribs. He winces and bites down on his tongue as he continues pounding into me, sending the headboard into the wall over and over and over. He kisses and touches every inch of my tingling flesh, making love to every inch of my willing and eager body. I meet every one of his thrusts, our sweaty skin slapping together, his low grunts turning me on just as much as the precision of his slick cock. He wraps an arm underneath the small of my back and arches me ever so slightly off the bed. He uses this new angle to lick a straight line up the entire length of my stomach, torso, and chest before pulling out to the tip and thrusting back inside me in one powerful motion, creating a friction between us that finally sends me over the edge.

"_Edward_," I cry. "Look at me, please. I need you to look at me while you make me come."

"Isabella." My name falls from his lips. "Wait for me. Wait for me to come with you." Our bodies are perfectly aligned like they were made for each other, every inch of what he has to give fitting perfectly inside everything I have to offer. His cock moves easily between my legs. He slides his hands to where my hips meet my thighs and squeezes as he pushes in to the hilt, groaning loudly.

"No one has ever made me feel like this before. It's indescribable." he rocks inside me, pulsing and quivering. His arms are shaking and I know the fatigue is beginning to set in.

"I'm ready, Edward," I murmur into his open mouth. "I'm there baby. ...I love you."

"Bella," he moans, closing his eyes. He pulls out halfway and the tremors begin, _yes baby, my God, so good_. He pushes in and his head hits my g-spot and orgasm washes over me. I writhe and moan and seconds later he grunts deep and low into my neck, gripping the bed sheets and shuddering as I'm filled with his seed. His orgasm pumps inside me and I take it all, savoring the thick warmth that's seeping down the inside of my thighs.

When he's empty and I'm spent he collapses on top of me. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his sweaty forehead. His panting breaths ease up and his chest begins to rise and fall evenly. His head is nestled in between my bare breasts and every now and then he presses his lips to my breastbone and murmurs, _thank you_.

"That was fucking amazing," he groans, rolling off me and onto his back. He crosses his arms over his eyes and exhales deeply. "You have no idea."

I giggle and he pulls me to his bare chest, my hair fanning across his shoulder. "Um yeah I think I might have a vague idea what you're talking about." I trace my fingers through the beads of sweat caught in his chest hairs.

He laughs heartily and wraps me in a bear hug. "Hey, have I told you in the last thirty seconds that I fucking love you?"

"Hmmm," I ponder playfully. "No I don't think you have."

"Well that is just inexcusable. You must forgive me." He props himself on one elbow and presses his forehead to mine, those emerald city eyes hypnotizing me. "Isabella Marie Swan, I fucking love the shit out of you."

I giggle and rub my nose against his. "Why thank you, Edward Anthony Cullen. ... Guess what?" He raises his eyebrows and my heart skips a beat.

"I fucking love you too."

* * *

**and of COURSE there is more to come. Life - and fanfiction - is NEVER that easy. ;p  
**

**Credit must go to Frida Kahlo, whose letter is where Bella's poem comes from. PoetrySlam and WordShop are real things. Please check out my profile for links, credit, etc.  
**


	28. Maybe you are magic

it's been a little while since I've updated, so here's a quickie *ahem* before I move the plot along ;p

I wrote this quickly and without a beta so please forgive any typos :)

Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

**EPOV**

I wake up naked and alone in her bed, the sweet scent of her arousal and completion still fresh in my nostrils. I lick my tongue across my upper lip in the hopes that there's still some residue of her moisture left over for me to taste. Her tangy vinegar hits my taste buds and I'm instantly rock hard. Running my hand down my taut stomach I wrap it around my cock and begin stroking my shaft. I close my eyes and envision Bella bouncing on top of me, her wild hair and parted lips, her palms flat on my chest as she rides me, moaning my name over and over as I fondle and squeeze her perky breasts and watch my cock slide in and out of her tight, wet opening and speaking of Bella and her beautiful bouncing breasts...where the fuck is she?

I roll over and hear the crunch of a piece of paper. I pull it out from under my side and hold it in front of my face. On the back of a Whole Foods flyer is a note in Bella's loopy, messy handwriting.

_No food in the house. Ran down the street to pick up some stuff for breakfast. Be back in a sec.  
_

_Yours, Isabella. _

_Oh and in case you've forgotten...I love you this morning._

That's all it takes. A few more strokes and I come hard in my hand and all over her sheets. I groan in sticky satisfaction and roll onto my back, panting and wheezing. I fold the crook of my arm over my eyes and I must have dozed off because the next thing I know there's a hand around my cock that's not mine.

"Mmm, looks like someone has been having fun without me," a low purr vibrates against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. I want to open my eyes but this fantasy is far too good to be proven a dream if Bella's not there when I wake up.

"And by the size of the wet spot on my side of the bed, I'm pretty upset that I was left out of the action." The purr is replaced by a soft kitten tongue, licking and dragging over the tender mound of my balls. I let out a whimper and my eyes fly open. The top of Bella's head is between my legs, her tongue teasing it's way up the length of my pulsing erection, her nails digging into the deep flesh of my thighs.

"Can it be my turn now?" she asks, batting her long lashes at me while the tip of her tongue plays with the slit of my cock.

My head falls back on the pillow and I curse at the ceiling. "_Fuck_. It's _always_ your turn, Bella. I never want to have to jerk off again. Not when I know I can come inside you instead."

She giggles and takes me deep into her mouth, gagging briefly as I hit the back of her throat. She settles into a fucking Academy Award winning blow job and I'm about two seconds from unloading when she pulls her head back and licks her lips hungrily. "Breakfast is going to burn."

Is she kidding me?? "Fuck breakfast," I whine like a pouty child.

"How about fucking _me_ instead?" she replies devilishly. I'm actually astonished at her forwardness. We haven't been together that many times, I think I can count on two hands, but she's never been this in control of me before. ...I like it. ...Alot.

"I was already deep inside you in my dream, baby" I wink and she bites the corner of her bottom lip, the side with the tiny silver ring attached. "And I'd _love_ to pick up where I left off. It was really fucking hot."

"Oh yeah? What was I doing?" She straddles me, my cock sticking straight up between her legs, and pulls her shirt over her head. I gasp out loud. She's not wearing a bra and her nipples are dark pink and erect. I massage my hands up the sides of her beautiful body, cupping her breasts and flexing my abs so I can suck her left nipple into my mouth, tongue it eagerly, then move on to the right. We moan at the same time and I take the opportunity to undo the button on her jeans. She wraps both of her hands around my cock, one on top of the other, and squeezes. She owns me. I can't take it anymore. I need to be inside her, like, NOW.

In one swift motion I've got her flipped onto her back. Her jeans and panties are gone and I have two fingers plunged deep inside her swollen flesh. My white hot erection is bobbing impatiently against her hip and she's writhing and moaning underneath me.

"Edwarrrd," she purrs, squirming into the now three fingers I have hooked inside. Her wetness is leaking down my hand and I take her top lip into my mouth. I proceed to slip my tongue along her plump bottom lip and her fingers wind through my hair . Pulling me down closer, our chests pressed together, she opens her mouth, deepening our candy-flavored kiss, and saying my name over and over.

"Yes baby? Tell me what you want." I have her on the verge of orgasm with my fingers.

"This is what I want," she heaves breathlessly. " Any way you touch me is the way I want to be touched. You make me feel so good." She's smiling sincerely and with so much love in her eyes, and I know I have the stupidest grin on my face but I don't care. I place another gentle kiss on her lips and then follow a trail a line of them down her neck, across her collarbone, down her chest, I pull my fingers out and whisper my love for her into her ear, I line myself up and she spreads her legs. I push myself into her as far as I can go until I'm fully surrounded by her warmth and wetness. I groan at the intense sensation of her tightness clenched around me.

"So fucking good," I whisper, pressing my forehead to hers as I slowly pump in and out. There's no rush. Her eyes are a warm honey syrup in the light of the morning and her lips part wider with each thrust. Her legs wrap around the small of my back and I reach for her right knee and hook it over my shoulder. This raises her ass off the mattress and allows me to plunge deeper than I ever have before.

"My god, Edward," she hisses, her fingernails clawing into my shoulder blades. Her hands roam down my back and over my ass. She squeezes and hangs on, guiding my thrusts and tracing the top of my crack with her index finger. I'm not going to last much longer. _Nofuckingway_. I bury my face into the hollow where her neck meets her sharp shoulder and will myself to hang on until she comes. I pull my cock all the way out to the tip and take a few deep breaths to compose myself. Bella grabs my ass cheeks and shoves me back in. My balls hit the back of her thighs and she tenses and cries out, her body exploding and shuddering with her orgasm. _Thank god_. I palm the sides of Bella's beautiful face and kiss her passionately, holding her lips to mine while I ride her to my own release. I keep my eyes open so she can see the effect that her body has on mine as the pleasure washes over me. "All because of you," I whisper, trembling on top of her. She nods and kisses my sweaty face, holding me until I'm calm.

**

"Smells great." I reach around my girl and snatch a piece of turkey bacon out of the frying pan. She slaps my hand but let's me take it. That's why I love her. She wants me to be happy.

"So, what are you doing today?" I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in her hair. She shifts her ass on purpose, so my cock slides up her crack. She should know better than to strut around in nothing but a stringy tank top and boy-cut underwear, likewise I should know better than to wear nothing but a flimsy pair of boxer briefs while in her presence. "I was hoping we could stay in," I groan, grinding my erection into her damp panties. "...so I could fuck you..._all...day...long_."

Her knees begin to tremble as she turns to putty under my touch. I slide my fingers under the thin band of her panties and down into the moist warmth of her soft spot. I'm about to push on her clit when her hands grab mine and pulls them out.

She turns to me with a wry grin on her face. "As much as I'd love to do nothing more than sit on your face all day, I can't. I promised Alice I would have lunch with her this afternoon. Her parents are in town and she needs my support. ...She's going to tell them about Jasper."

"You say that likes it's a bad thing."

"It is...kind of. Alice comes from an extremely wealthy Connecticut family and they have specific, umm..._standards_. Don't get me wrong, they are very nice people, but when it comes to Alice they see a certain path for her and..."

I put up my hand. "Please. I know where this is going all to well."

"I know you do, baby. And I assure you that Alice is not going to let her parents dictate her life for her. But, let me put it this way...the gardener's on Alice's property make more in a month than Jazzy makes in a year. But don't worry, Mr. Brandon is a big softie when push comes to shove. I just worry that one day he'll mistake Jasper for the valet and ask him to pull the car around."

I laugh out loud and gather her in my arms, hugging her tight and savoring the hummingbird thrum of her heart against my bare chest.

She hands me my plate and we sit at the table to eat. Toast and eggs and turkey bacon, orange juice and coffee. And Bella in her undies. I'm in heaven.

"Bella?"

"Mmm," she hums, chewing with her mouth closed.

"The poem you read last night," I begin. Her eyes dart up to mine like she's seen a ghost. I chuckle at her anxiety. "It was stunning, my love. And I'm thrilled that you got up to read it."

Her shoulders relax and smiles. "But," I continue. "Did you mean what you said? _...Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone..." _It hurts to repeat it, let alone recall the look on Bella's face as she recited it.

She swallows her bite of egg and takes a deep breath. My stomach churns as I wait for her response. "Yes," she finally answers. "I meant it. At the time. You hurt me, Edward. You said you'd never hurt me, and you did. But I've forgiven you and I love you and it's in the past now. But, yes, it happened and that poem is the way I dealt with it. That's where art comes from, right? Pain and love and struggle. So we shouldn't want to change what happened to bring it to life. That being said, I think you should concentrate on the line_, You take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic_. Because _that's_ the way you make me feel."

She smiles again and takes my hand across the table, rubbing the tops of my knuckles with the pad of her thumb.

Just when I think it's impossible to love her more she goes and blows my fucking mind.

"Hey, where is all of your stuff from the apartment?" she asks, forking a piece of bacon.

"I left it in the lobby of the building. I'll have to get it eventually, I suppose. Maybe I can have it shipped...somewhere. A storage unit or..."

"Or _here_, you dumbass."

* * *


	29. Hand over your heart, let's go home

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**BPOV**

"Slow down, Alice!! Jesus Christ I'm getting a cramp in my side!!" I haul ass across the intersection before the light changes and try to catch up to Carl Lewis Brandon as she bobs and weaves her way through the crowded streets of 5th Ave. I'm getting my ass kicked trying to follow her. Someone with a giant Bloomingdales bag just whammed me in the shoulder and I'm about to go ballistic.

"Hurry up, Bella!" she calls over her shoulder. "We're late!"

"Um, _correction_ - _You're_ late! _I _was on time."

I arrived at Alice's place at noon on the dot, after a quickie with Edward in the shower, of course – the boy is relentless - to find her standing in the middle of her bedroom in her bra and underwear staring into the mirror. Clothes were strewn everywhere and she looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. I sat her down and got her a shot of brandy.

"Everything's going to be fine, bunny. Look at me. Look at my make-up and hair. Look at what _I'm_ wearing_. Right? _I'm a fucking _freak_ compared to you," I laughed, pointing to my holey jeans, battered Rocket Dog sneaks and Edward's over-sized NYU sweatshirt.

"I'll totally take the pressure off you. They can ride me about my lack of motivation, blasé attitude, and the going nowhere direction of my life. Plus, compared to you and Jasper, I'm a relationship minefield about to detonate at any moment. If the convo starts going bad, throw it to me and I'll deflect their attention and make them realize how damn lucky they are to have you as their daughter."

Ok, so my pep talk didn't help. She is still bugging out and racing up the sidewalk towards the restaurant at full speed.

"Will you stop freaking out? You _have_ met your parents before, right? Why are you acting like you're heading on some fucked up first date?"

"We have reservations, Bella. My father HATES it when people are late."

We burst through the door of the restaurant and cut through to the front of the line. "Brandon, party of four," Alice heaves at the hostess, who takes a few menus and leads us through the posh interior of the eatery.

"Daddy. Mother. So sorry we're late," she blushes at her formally dressed parents. _This is just lunch right?_ I think to myself. _We're not meeting the President, are we? _I scope the area for secret service agents. "You remember Isabella, don't you?"

"Bella," I correct and smile sweetly at them. They stand and embrace Alice and we have a few moments of pleasantries before sitting down. I don't know what Alice's problem is. I think her parents are cool. And they'll love Jasper. She's freaking out for nothing, which means she must be completely head over heels in love with that boy.

**

"See? What did I tell you?" I clap my arm around Alice's shoulders and give her a squeeze as we exit the restaurant. "That was fine. Your parents are chill."

"They want to meet him, Bella. They want me to bring him to the _house_ in _Greenwich_."

"Um, _and_? You think they're going to give him 'inside chores' to do when he gets there? You already told them he's from the south, so they won't be surprised when he opens his mouth. Besides, the accent is sexy as hell. I fucking love how he adds _ya'll_ and _darlin'_ to the end of everything. _And_ he's a gentleman _and_ he's loved you from the second he laid his baby blues on you. He'll do _anything_ for you. That should be enough for them. Plus your dad barely even said anything when you told him."

"I know. I just…I don't want anything to ruin us. What if Jazz meets them and thinks they're snotty and superficial? You know how my mom can be sometimes. We haven't been dating that long. What if he thinks that's really the way_ I_ am too? God what if he has second thoughts about being with me? That house is so damn big, Bella. Jasper will never be able to give me a house like that. He doesn't even _know_ about our place in _Montauk_. Ugh what if he thinks those are the kind of things I expect from him?"

"Have you _seen_ your apartment, Al? He knows you have money. It's no secret. And if he was going to let that make him all insecure, he'd have started already."

"I guess..."

I decide to change the subject. "Hey, y'know what I should do? ...I should stop by Edward's old building to pick up his stuff. That way he doesn't have to ever go back there. It's only a few blocks away."

"Where is he?"

"He's going to campus today to unenroll."

"You mean '_drop out_'," she sneers.

"Please don't start with me about that. Ok? I have enough of a shitstorm coming my way from Emmett about this whole thing. I don't even want to think about going back to work tomorrow and enduring his wrath."

"Yeah well you should be thanking Jesus himself – if I believed in him – for bringing my parents to town today and distracting me from ripping you a new asshole. I can't _believe_ you let Edward off the hook so easily. Lemme guess. He's still to die for gorgeous?"

I nod. _Ain't that the truth_.

"He's still got those mesmerizing emerald eyes and heart-breaking, panty-watering smile?"

Yup. _To put it mildly._

"Those disheveled bronze locks?"

_Amen._

"The same brilliant mind, tender voice, nimble fingers, and talented cock of the gods?"

I throw my head back and laugh out loud. _Yes, yes, check, and HELL FUCKING YES._

Alice shakes her head and crosses her arms at her chest. I think I've got her stumped.

"I dunno, Bell. You were so completely..._crushed_ when he left. An absolute train wreck. We were all really worried about you." I wince at her words. I wish she didn't have to remind me about how I behaved after Edward left. It's so embarrassing, and now that he's back it almost feels like it never happened, like he never even left. But I know she has every right to remember and to remind me of how I was and how she saved me. They all did. And it would be wrong for me to forget everything they did to help me through.

"I swore I'd kick him in his teeth if I ever saw him again," she continues, and I laugh because I know she's not joking. "But if you forgive him...it's your life and you know I'll love your crazy ass no matter what. Good luck telling Emmett, though. Make sure you do it on my day off though. He gives me a headache on a _good_ day."

**

Walking into Edward's old apartment building makes me partially nauseous, but also partially excited that this chapter of his, of _our_, life is finally over. I leave Alice out on the sidewalk so she can talk to Jasper on her phone and walk up to the concierge desk and ring the bell. A young man appears and doesn't smile, or even look at me.

"May I help you?"

I swallow thickly. "Hi, yes. I'm here to pick up a few bags that were put in the storage room last night. The last name is Cullen. Edward Cullen."

He looks me up and down and reaches for a clipboard. Flipping through the pages he flicks his eyes at me every few seconds and then exhales impatiently at the pages. "Cullen, you said? I'm not seeing his name here. ...Oh wait, here it is. And who are you?"

"I'm, uh, I'm his..." hmmm.

"Don't give them to her," a familiar voice calls out across the lobby floor. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and try to stop time. _This isn't possible_. I open them to find the man still behind the desk, still staring at me, and the click of her high heels across the tile steadily growing louder. My palms are sweating all over the counter.

"Please. Just let me have the bags," I beg to the countertop, my head down, my bangs in my face. She's directly behind me now. I can feel the anger radiating off her. I have to turn to face her. I've done nothing wrong. _Edward loves me. Take comfort in that._

"You heard what I said," she snaps at the concierge before repeating his earlier motion and examining me from head to toe with her beady eyes. I wish she wasn't so damn attractive. "...Nice sweatshirt."

Fuck her and her skirt suit and perfect make-up and tall model body. "It looked even better balled up on my bedroom floor this morning," I smirk.

She rolls her eyes and brushes her long, red hair off her shoulders dismissively. I thought for sure that comment would guarantee me a slap across the face. This can't be good. Pent up rage. Where's Alice when I need her to back me up.

"You're much more forward than the last time we met. It's cute. ...If Edward wants his bags he can be a man and come back here to collect them himself. He needn't send his errand girl. ...Darren, you aren't to give this _girl_ anything of Mr. Cullen's. Do you understand me? You aren't to allow her in the building again, either."

"This is a _public_ building, _bitch,_" I spit. She doesn't budge or blink at my sudden aggression. It's almost as if she were expecting it.

"Haha, classy language. I thought you were some brilliant narrative writer. Another joke, I suppose. ...My father _owns_ this building, _bitch._ ...Darren, do as I say." She picks up her briefcase and sashays past me in the direction of the elevator bank before stopping in her tracks and walking back. I ball my fists and get ready for action. I sense the heel of a Manolo being chucked at me head.

"He's going to come to his senses," she hisses into my face Medusa-style, her blood red lips peeling back from her immaculate white teeth. "You _do_ know that, right? He's just doing this to get back at me. What other reason could there be? You don't _honestly_ think he wants you?" she laughs. "How could he? He's followed me everywhere like a puppy-dog for years and he came out here to be with me. He's not going to give up on us - no matter _what_ he says when he's alone with you."

I put my heels together and stand up as tall as I can – still only coming up to her perky breasts – and do my best to make myself perfectly clear.

"I hate to break it to you, _honey, _but _your_ time is up_," _I grin. "You're as old as last night's used condom. ..._If _we had used one, that is." I rise on my tippy toes and flick the words at her, one by one. "Mmm, but then again, you wouldn't know what it feels like to fuck Edward raw, now would you? Riding him bareback," I moan for effect. "...there's nothing like it on earth. His hard cock pulsing inside me, twitching and pumping as he fucks me with no barrier between our flesh, nothing separating us, no protection from the power and control he has over my body. He owns me. And vice versa. ...And when he came back this time, he came back for _me_."

Her face is twisted in a mixture of shock and rage and pain, and even though I hate her, I feel kinda bad about the pain part. Only because I know damn well what she's losing, and it's something she's had for years that she is only now realizing the value of. You don't just part with someone like Edward Cullen and walk away without scars.

"You're a joke," she hisses, but I can't take her seriously and she'll never be able to hurt my feelings again.

I turn on my heel and laugh at her over my shoulder as I give the building and everything it represents the middle finger. "The joke's on you, asshole. ...Oh and Darren, fuck you."

"Well?" Alice asks, clapping her phone shut. "Where's his stuff? I got a cab."

I'm still red-faced and stunned from the adrenaline rush of our encounter but the high is starting to wear off. The reality of her being back in the same city as me and Edward is starting to hit me. What if she tries to get him back? What if she's right?

"You mean you didn't see her prissy ass walk past you?" I ask, opening the door and slumping into the backseat of the cab.

"_She?_ You mean... _Victoria_? Shut! Up! She's back? Did you kick her ass?"

"No. I mean. I don't even know how I feel right now. I told her off, and that felt great but…I don't know. …I couldn't get Edward's stuff and she told them that I wasn't allowed back in the building and..." I groan and rub my hands down my face.

"That bitch!!" Alice screeches. She slams the door and the cab takes off. "Does Edward know she's back?"

"I don't think so. Unless she called him after I left this morning there's no way he could know. He's been with me all night. …dammit! Why'd she have to come back?"

I press my head against the seat and fight back the tears that are springing to life behind my eyes. I'm so fucking tired of crying; so fucking tired of fighting for Edward.

**

The cab drops me off in front of my building after dropping Alice off at Jazz's restaurant. I'm not in the mood to socialize or eat, especially not with the two doe-eyed lovebirds who have their own talking to do. And especially not after a blow out with my boyfriend's (is that what he even is?) ex-girlfriend.

I do a lap around my block and head for the park near my apartment. It's a cool, crisp day that I hope will help clear my head of the doubts Victoria implanted in it.

The park is crowded. Apparently I'm not the only one trying to rid themselves of demons. I step around a dice game and a pair of double-dutchers and decide to head back home and contemplate calling Edward to fill him in on my afternoon.

"Baby!! Hey!! Bella!!" I stop in my tracks and pivot on my heel to meet those glorious green eyes with my own boring brown. It's Edward calling out over the fence, waving his arm to get my attention.

"Come around to me!" His smile floods my skin in goosebumps.

Even in a city as big as New York, in a crowded park in the East Village, I can still pick Edward out among the masses. He is an unmistakable creature.

I weave through the people and make my way to the table where he's sitting with a frail homeless woman swallowed in a long black trench coat three sizes too big for her small frame. Her head is covered in a moth-eaten felt hat pulled down to right above her eyes with stringy gray hair poking out of the sides. Edward looks like a movie star.

They're immersed in what looks like an extremely tense game of chess. I feel as though I'm interrupting until Edward finally looks up and smiles. He stands and scoops me in his arms. He twirls me around and I giggle into his warm neck. His body feels so unimaginably fantastic against mine that I'm immediately lost in his smell and touch and flooded with the electricity of my love for him. He licks his lips and kisses me sweetly and slowly, pushing his tongue through my teeth and winding his hands through my hair. Dizzy and breathless, he sets me down on my feet and I wobble, gripping the table for support. He grins and sits back down. His 'friend' hasn't looked up from the board since I arrived.

"This is Angel," Edward begins. "Angel, this is..."

"…Don't rush me, officer."

My brow crinkles. Did she just call him…"_Officer_?"

Edward stifles a giggle. "Angel thinks I'm going to arrest her after the game, so she's taking fucking _forever_ _to make a move_." He leans over the board and addresses the last part of his sentence in her direction.

Angel, who isn't even paying attention, is in her own world focusing on the bishop and contemplating her next move.

"She's convinced I'm an undercover cop," he shrugs. "Last time we played together I was Henry the Eighth. The time before that I was Winston Churchill and she was calling me _Gov'nah_ in a British accent. I just pretend to be whatever she wants me to be," he smiles brilliantly.

"I see the move you want to make, Angel. So just make it." I don't know the first thing about chess but I'm assuming that means Angel has a check mate lined up.

Suddenly I feel a warm hand on my forearm pulling me down. I bend over until my head is level with Angel and her mouth is at my ear.

"He thinks I'm crazy." Her eyes are wild, slate gray like a storm about to break. Her breath is warm and slightly moldy but not offensive.

"I don't think you're crazy. I think you're brilliant," Edward scoffs.

"Shhh, you're not supposed to be listening," Angel snaps, pulling me closer. Edward rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest and watches the pigeons bobbing around on the pavement. Angel smiles at him like a mother looking down at her newborn son and turns to me. Her grip on my arm is too tight like she expects me to try and get away.

"He lets me win," she smiles a toothless smile and out of the corner of my eye I see Edward frown and shake his head at the pigeons in disagreement.

"He sets them up so I can take him down. But I won't let him lose for me. I'll find a way to win on my own. I'm no cheater. He'll be chief of police one day. He's very patient with me. I know how I can be sometimes"

Something about the way she's talking about Edward and the sincerity in her voice is going to have me in tears. Her bony hand squeezes tighter as the emotion boils up in her.

"…He likes to talk about _you_ though." Edward's body language immediately stiffens like he's smelled something bad and I can tell that the direction the conversation is taking is making him uncomfortable. But why? We professed our undying love for each other last night and had incredible sex until dawn.

"He's a good boy. So good. So considerate. He's very lucky and he knows it. He loves you very much. He'll protect you, don't worry. He said..."

"Okayyyyyy." Edward perks up and practically pushes the table into Angel's chest.

"That's quite enough out of you, Missy. Make your move or I'll make it for you." He sighs, exasperated, and puts his elbows on the table his head in his hands. His fingers claw in frustration at the roots of his thick immaculately messy hair.

"Oops. I've embarrassed him now. Ok fine, you've cornered me and I can do nothing but take your rook with my king and…check mate, sucker."

"Thank God. Now take your pieces and don't forget your lunch this time."

Angel reaches out and takes the brown bag that Edward has handed her, opens it, looks inside, smiles, and sweeps the chess pieces into the bag with her hand. She gets up and shuffles off, clutching the bag to her chest and smiling back at Edward. He nods and smiles back weakly. I'm not sure what to do now. He doesn't look at me. He hasn't moved from his spot on the iron bench.

"She's nice."

"She's nosey." He stands and smoothes his hands down his chest. He's wearing the same clothes we wore last night. He looks epic of course, but somehow delicate. His long, slender fingers fiddle with the hem of his shirt. He starts walking and I follow. He looks mad suddenly and I'm too taken aback to confront him. His forehead is all crunchy and his lips are pursed together in a mad beak.

I try to lighten the mood "She was just trying to be friendly, Edward. She should come to the club on Monday for spoken word and I'll introduce her to Bingo Gazingo." I thought for sure that would make Edward laugh but he just grumbles and runs his hand through his hair. I feel like I should be screaming at him but all I want to do his hug him.

"Hey, what's wrong with you? Don't be mad at her." I poke him playfully in the ribs. "It's only natural that she thought I was Victoria."

His eyes widen in shock. "_Victoria_?? Why would she think you're Victoria?" He shakes his head and starts walking faster through the park and I have to skip-step to keep up with him.

"Because she's back." I half-trip over a broken chunk of pavement and grab on to his arm for support.

"What? Back where?"

"Back in New York. …I saw her." I stop walking and watch him as he continues to retreat. Why is he doing this? I don't understand. He's almost to the park exit when he turns and walks the dozen or so steps back to me. I flinch.

"What do you mean you _saw her_? Saw her where?"

"I went by to pick up your stuff. I thought that I'd.....It's ok. Forget it. She's back now. You're both in the same city again…together."

"Together? Bella, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"It's fine. Really. …I'm not going to go postal or start stalking you or…"

"_Bella_." He grabs my shoulder and snaps me out of it. "Stop talking and listen to me. _Please_." He makes sure to end it with please. My knees weaken.

"You're so irrational sometimes. And I love that about you. I love _everything_ about you. Because _I love you_, Bella Swan. I should have told you that the first day I met you and every second of every day since then. I should have left Victoria that same fucking day without knowing how you felt about me, because it didn't matter. I had found you." He kisses the center of my forehead, letting his lips linger and tingle against my skin before kissing the tip of my nose and then moving down to place them over mine.

"Edward, please don't...You don't have to say that just because I threw myself at you and forced you to sleep with me. If you're having second thoughts about last night…"

"_What?_ Is that what you think?? That you threw yourself at me?? I told you I loved you last night and you think I'm just saying it to make you feel better about what happened?"

"Look Edward, I know I'm a freak but you don't have to feel sorry for me. I'll be fine. I'll find my way in this world and I wish nothing but the best for you."

"_You_ are what's best for me!! I don't want that job, I don't want to go to law school. I don't want to be someone I'm not. Conformist asshole, remember? ...You were right. You were always right. And I....well....I was wrong. And I didn't tell you I loved you to make you feel good about yourself. You don't need anyone to do that for you. You're confident in who you are and you don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about you. I've never met anyone like you, Bella Swan, and I'm telling you I love you because it's the truth. But if, after last night, you've had second thoughts about your feelings for _me_, I deserve that."

I shake my head repeatedly. "Not for one second. I missed you so much, Edward. I guess I'm still a little touchy about the whole thing. I mean, you just came back yesterday and I wouldn't put it past my shit luck for it to have all turned out to be a dream and..."

"I already told you it's not a dream, Bella. I left her. For good. And I'm not going back. It doesn't matter if she moved next door to us. Nothing will change how I feel for you."

I sigh and rest my head against his chest so I can feel the vibrations of his heartbeat.

"How long have you been coming to this park?" I ask as he runs his hands soothingly up and down my back.

"When we first met I used to come down early every morning and sit at the first table by the street. That way I could see your apartment building clearly. I didn't know if you were home but it made me feel good just to know it was there and that maybe you were inside. ...Stupid, I know."

"...It's not stupid. It's beautiful. I wish I had known you were out here."

"I loved you even then. Can you please believe me and never doubt the truth in those words again?"

"...I want to be with you _so bad_, Edward. And if I think you want the same thing and then somehow it turns out I misunderstood and you were to take it away from me...I don't think I could handle losing you again. I rather know that you love me and that I can't have you than to think I can have both and then be let down."

He's laughing. He's_ laughing_ at me. It's the most precious melody. His arms wind around my waist and crawl their way up my back and into my hair, his breath in my ear and across my face as he flutters kisses across my skin on hummingbird wings. "You're the most fascinating creature I've ever met."

I close my eyes and lose myself in the cage of his powerful embrace. His soft lips press against each of my eyelids.

"Then why were you acting so weird before?" I ask gently. "One second you're fine and the next...I dunno...you scared me just now."

"I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry about that. I was lost in my thoughts and..." he kisses me again. "Bella, can I ask you a question?" he whispers into my mouth. The warm fragrance of his minty breath fills my nose and I inhale it in and hum.

"Mmm?"

He sighs and presses his lips to the top of my head.

"Who's Jacob Black?"


	30. It's not like we planned it

**First and most importantly - I want to say thank you again to all of my awesome reviewers. You put a smile on my face and you make this story worth continuing. I mean it.**

**I'm trying to turn the corner now that Edward is back in New York and broken up with Victoria. hopefully I don't fuck it up lol**

**oh and I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

_Listen when  
All of this around us'll fall over  
I tell you what we're gonna do  
_

_You will shelter me, my love  
I will shelter you  
_

_If you shelter me too  
I will shelter you_

**_- Ray Lamontagne,__ Shelter_  
**

**JPOV**

Jacob Black is certainly not my favorite topic of conversation. In fact, the mere mention of how he became an unfortunate part of our lives stirs the boiling cauldron of anger and resentment living inside my gullet and sends the fire of a dozen burning ulcers screaming through its lining. Let's just say I can think of a dozen or so other things off the top of my head that I'd find more enjoyable, such as shutting my testicles in the door of a moving taxi or having my fillings removed with a letter opener, you get my drift.

Here's the thing. I am a relatively mild-mannered fella. I'm not one to fly into fits of unnecessary hysteria or fret without just cause. I have an innate ability to remain in a continuous state of calm during the most tumultuous of times. Perhaps this gift is the result of a low-income (let's be honest, we were broke) Tennessee upbringing. Panic, chaos, worry – these were consistent elements of my daily life in Chattanooga, and letting them get to you and bog you down was not a productive use of time or daylight. There was work that needed to get done and money that desperately needed to be made for the good of the family.

_The task at hand. Always concentrate on the task at hand._

_Let's not live in the problem, let's live in the solution._

I have utilized these - among other - corny phrases many-a time. I've even been told that the calmness and serenity I exude is contagious. So much so that it's been suggested on various occasions that I should become a mediator, therapist, or grief counselor, and they are avenues I would seriously consider if I could ever save enough money to pay for the proper certification. I have an affinity for seeing all sides of a situation and an unconscious ability to maintain my composure (my reluctance towards approaching Alice was a result of inexperience and insecurity, not anxiety) while others crumble around me.

Only one person has ever called my composure into question. Only one person has caused my blood to boil to an extent that rivals the blowing of Mount Vesuvius, to the point where I could taste the venom on the backs of my teeth.

And that man is Jacob Black.

It was for this reason that I felt Edward deserved some shred of an explanation.

I knew Edward was back in town before he called me. I was at the club that night for Open Mic but I was, um, _distracted,_ in the storage closet with Alice for a good hour, causing me to miss Edward's appearance and subsequent departure. When I returned to the bar, Emmett filled me in on Edward's return in colorful Emmett-detail. Which was why, when I saw Edward's name and number appear on my phone the next day on my way to work, I wasn't the least bit surprised. To be honest, I was hoping, _expecting_, him to call. I consider Edward a friend. A good friend. And I was hurt, although I never told Bella or Alice or anyone, that he hadn't tried to reach me during his time away. But of course I agreed to meet him before my shift at the restaurant started. How could I not? Isn't that what you do for a friend?

**EPOV**

I cross the street quickly and make my way up the block. It's a clear, autumn day that's turned unseasonably warm in true unpredictable New York weather fashion. People are seated at tables in the sidewalk dining area in front of Jazz's restaurant. I weave through them and open the front door with a ding. Jasper is already walking across the floor to greet me, his blond hair falling in loose curls around his face and ears. He's wearing the restaurant uniform, which is merely a long black apron with a white shirt and black pants.

To my genuine surprise, he extends his hand and when I take it, he pulls me into a manly hug, complete with back slap.

"Thanks for meeting me, Jasper. I hope I'm not getting you into trouble," I say apologetically, still held in his embrace.

"Nah, it's no problem. My shift doesn't start til noon."

We sit at an empty table by the window of the Organic Grille and Jasper brings over two cups of hot coffee in large white ceramic mugs. I pour in three sugar packets and thank him with a smile.

"It's good to see you, Edward," he says sincerely, sitting down and adding only one Splenda to his.

"It's good to be seen," I kid, but not really. I didn't expect Jasper's warmth, especially after the reaction I received from Emmett at the club upon my return, and I had every reason to believe that those reactions to my behavior and absence would be consistent among all of Bella's friends.

"I know what you must think of me, Jasper, which is why I wanted to come here and see you in person. You're the only friend I have in this city, besides Bella, and we've had some really great times together. You never judged me and you made me feel comfortable right from the start. I was an outsider but you treated me like I belonged, like I was part of your circle of friends. You didn't have to do that, but you did, and I just…I can't have you thinking I'm a complete asshole…I want to explain…"

"I don't think you're a complete asshole." Jasper smiles at me and nods hello at a co-worker hustling by. There's something so innately good about Jasper Whitlock, something valuable and rare that I never want to jeopardize, compromise, or lose. He's like an endangered species. That, and I trust him. I know he's not a liar. He doesn't seem capable of the act. He wouldn't know how to do it.

His co-worker refills our coffee and Jasper finally leans on his elbows, looks me in the eyes, and asks.

"...So, what _did _happen?"

And so I launch into the same explanation I gave Bella – starting with the phone call and the news of my father's sudden illness, my late night cab ride to JFK to catch a last minute flight back to Forks, my confrontation with Victoria at the hospital and how I dissolved our relationship for good, then how she somehow managed to creep into my bedroom in the middle of the night and attempt to fuck me in my sleep (I left that part out for Bella's sake), how I tried to get in touch with Bella the entire time I was there but to no avail (I'm careful not to bash his friends, Emmett and Donovan, for hanging up on me every single time I called), then the night Rosalie finally got through to her and brought the phone to me at Leah's club, followed by the incident with Rosalie's boyfriend, that dickhead Royce, and how that solidified my decision to come back to New York and to Bella.

I manage to take a breath in between paragraphs of explanation to give Jasper a chance to say, _Whoa_ or _Dang_, or to just stare at me with giant bug eyes.

After draining my mug once again, I go on to explain how I immediately moved out of Victoria's apartment upon my return to New York and how I then went directly downtown to find Bella, and found her I did, on stage reading a poem that tore my chest cavity open and bled my heart down my chest. Jasper laughed and nodded. He confessed that he had a feeling she was going to get up there from the way she had been clinging onto her marble notebook for dear life the day prior.

I told him how I followed Bella back to her apartment that night whilst begging for her forgiveness and then finally, by the grace of God or whoeverthefuck, being the luckiest sonofabitch on earth when she bestowed it upon me (and then the raunchy, hot make-up sex that ensued until dawn but I didn't go into that), and finally – today, how I'm planning on heading over to NYU to drop out and then quit my job at Victoria's agency – which should be easy since I'm sure I've already been fired.

"You're dropping out of school? Dang...Isn't NYU expensive?"

"Insanely. …And that's exactly what's going to happen to the person who was paying for it." I laugh into my newly filled mug as I envision the reaction of horror mixed with the loathing he's always had for me on Victoria's dad's face when he finds out that they don't reimburse you for the tuition of an aborted semester.

I'm sure I'll be getting a phone call from home cursing me out about it any day now.

"I would have passed, I suppose. Maybe even passed the bar. But I don't want to be a fucking lawyer. I never did. I was doing it…" I sigh and comb my fingers through my hair.

"...to have something to do," Jazz smiles.

"Yeah. I guess you're right. And Bella knew it all along. She knew I was going for all the wrong reasons. …I came here for all the wrong reasons…in the beginning."

"That's why it's called the _easy_ way out, right? But you know what they say, _Anything in life worth having is worth working for_."

"_Andrew Carnegie_," I answer, mumbling the quotation's originator.

"Hm?"

"Nuthin." I spare Jasper the reference and stir a few more packets of sugar into my coffee, not sure how to bring up the other part of why I asked him to meet me. We talk for a bit about the lunch currently taking place uptown between the Elder Brandon's, their only child, and my Bella. Jasper is well aware that he is going to be the main topic of conversation over mimosas but he seems resigned to the fact that there is very little he can do about who he is or where he comes from – neither of which he is ashamed of in the slightest. I listen in uninterrupted awe as he touches briefly on his past – how he dropped out of high school when he was sixteen to work in the air conditioning and heating factory with his father and older brothers, Alec and Felix; how he managed to get his GED before turning eighteen and how he still feels guilty as fuck for moving away from home a year later after his father died of a heart attack.

"I couldn't do it," he explains. "I couldn't follow in my father and brother's footsteps. I don't want that kind of life. Working to the bone like a goddamn dog every day from dawn to dusk in a windowless, heartless, stone cold factory. I had to believe there was something better for me. So...I send money home when I can, and Alec and his wife, Jane, have taken my mom in, so that eases the guilt some. I haven't spoken to my brother Felix since I left though. He won't see me. Calls me a deserter. I used to think he was right. I hated myself every day for leaving. …I was going to move back, y'know. To Tennessee. After my mom's last visit, I felt so bad about everything that I was about to call my landlord and buy a bus ticket home. That's when I met Bella...and Alice." His eyes glisten over and he's suddenly a million miles away. I'm positive it's from the vision of Alice in his mind, not from the sadness of his home life.

"I want to be good for her, but I know I'm not. You can only change so much, y'know. Before you break."

I contemplate his simple statement. "You're good for her because you're what she wants." I wonder if he'd get the wrong idea if I put my hand on his forearm to try and bring him back, but I don't have to because his eyes suddenly dart to mine and focus as he speaks.

"The same goes for you, Edward. You're what Bella wants. Never was it more apparent than while you were gone. I don't mean to bring it up again, cuz I know it still stings, but even when she was hating you and crying over you and missing you, she was loving you at the same time, and all that hate and all that pain couldn't kill all that love. It was then that she was forced to accept her powerlessness. ...There ain't no cure for love, man. And you're her sickness."

"I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy and to do right by her, Jazz. You have my word. And I wouldn't think too much into it," I advise lamely on the Alice situation. "I'm sure my girl's hot as fuck facial piercings and tats will steer the lunchtime conversation away from your family tree and bank statement." I smile weakly and notice that my hands have been shaking. They're not shaking much, I hardly even realized it, but Jasper's eyes have landed on them and I put them in my lap.

"Hey, you alright, man? You look shaken up. Is something else going on?"

"Uh, yeah, there is actually." I swallow uncomfortably, almost embarrassed to begin. My heart is thumping with the mixture of adrenaline and the amount of caffeine and sugar coursing through my system, but I need some answers. "Some guy stopped me as I was leaving Bella's apartment this morning."

Jasper raises his dark blond eyebrows. "Oh? …What did he look like?"

"Big." That was my initial reaction after the shock wore off. "Muscular, I mean. He was wearing a leather jacket but I could tell from the way it fit him that he was built like a tank. And he had short, black hair. Kinda dark skinned."

Jasper's sitting quietly. His gaze, that was once fixed on my eyes, another gesture of his unbreakable politeness, has now dropped to the table.

"You know who he is, don't you? ...Jasper. Answer me."

"What did he say to you?"

… _So you're him, huh?_

"It wasn't exactly your typical introductory meeting that's for damn sure. But apparently he knows who I am. ...How is that possible?"

"Well…" Jasper's eyes dart to the wall behind my head. "Remember the time we watched the Yankee game at my place over the summer?"

"Come on, man, don't change the subject," I sigh in frustration, but Jazz keeps going.

"…You had only known Bella a short time but I could tell there was something between you two. Something real. Something tangible. Maybe it was the way you looked at each other out of the corner of your eyes when you thought no one was watching. Or the way you did subtle things without realizing, like never interrupting the other when one of you was talking. You paid attention to each others every move like it was magic. ...Anyway, it was the bottom of the ninth and you were asking me all these questions about Bella, and I was trying to skirt around them, kind of like how I am now, but I finally caved and told you the one thing that shut you up. I told you that I didn't know much about her personal life in Phoenix, but that she _did_ have a boyfriend for awhile in New York. ...Vague, right? You didn't press me for more, which I appreciated. …Anyway_, _the tank you met today, that was him."

"Okayyy, so what the fuck did he do to her and why hasn't she ever mentioned him to me?

"No offense but I think she's been preoccupied obsessing over_ your_ significant other since you guys met. If I know Bella, and I do, she was probably thinking that the last thing you needed to deal with was _her_ ex-boyfriend drama."

I sigh and slouch in my chair. Jasper's right. I'm a selfish fuck who sucks at life.

"He's the one who found her in the street that night."

Whoa. In the _what_???

"_In the what???!_ Hold on. The _street_?!! What the fuck happened?!!"

Jasper snorts at the question. "That's exactly what we kept asking her for days. But she wouldn't talk. Or eat or get out of bed." He mumbles the last bit and I flinch. "After she went to your apartment looking for you, Jake found her wandering the streets like a lost puppy and brought her back to her place. He stayed with her there. He even called Emmett, which is huge cuz they fucking _hate_ each other. Anyways, _that's_ how he found out where she lives now. …After they broke up, no one would tell him where she had moved to…"

"...Wait a fucking second. She _moved_ to get away from him?"

"Wow, so she hasn't told you _anything, _has she?." Jasper flings his body against the back of his chair and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Don't tell her I told you all this shit, ok? She'd kill me if she found out. If she hasn't told you yet, then it's her place to do so, not mine."

"He told me I was interfering," I say without emotion as I remember the look of controlled restraint on Jacob Black's face.

"Sounds about right," Jasper sighs, his eyes still closed tight.

"Where does he live?"

"Canarsie."

My crinkled brow must give away my confusion as to where or what that place even is because Jasper elaborates. "It's in Brooklyn. But he works at his brother's bike shop in Chinatown. You probably don't know where either of those places are and you're better off, trust me. …Just, do me a favor. …Stay away from Jacob Black."

"You know I can't do that, Jasper. Not if there's even a chance in hell that Bella could be in any kind of danger. I can't let that happen. You gotta give me more information. Why does he think Bella still belongs to him? I haven't seen him until now and she never talks about him. It doesn't make sense. How did they meet?"

The question makes Jasper's face contort like he's about to start bawling on the tablecloth.

"Fine," he concedes. "But then I really gotta get to work and you need to talk to Bella about the rest." He raises his eyebrows like he's waiting for a confirmation of my understanding. I nod and he puts his elbows on the table and begins.

"There was a house party. It was one of those friend of a friend type things. Some of my buddies from the restaurant I used to work at were going. Friends of friends who were friends with Jacob Black and his brothers. There's three of them – Jacob, Seth, and Sam - and they live in the projects in Queens. ...Not that there's anything wrong with being on a low rung of the economic ladder – I'm not one to talk – but there _is_ something wrong with being bullies, cheats, and dealers to make up for it. Unfortunately, I found out all of this _after_..."

"After what?"

Jasper ignores my question and continues.

"Bella was new in town, I'd only known her a few weeks but already we were good friends…_and_ I was seriously digging on Alice, so I invited them along. There was great music playing, lotsa booze, lotsa drugs, lotsa ladies and at first it was fun. Alice and I were getting along and drinking. That's where Bella met Jake. I told her to go talk to him.

It was my fault."

"So then what? They started dating right away? …Fuck. …did he hurt her? Because if he did..." I scrunch my fist against my forehead and bite down on my bottom lip to stifle the rage bubbling inside me. "...why is he coming around her apartment???"

"This is really a conversation you should be having with Bella, Edward. It's probably one that you should have had a long time ago. Let's just say it wasn't your typical break-up…there's a lot more that goes into it."

I must look like I've just seen a ghost as Jasper begins to rise from the table. I see him motion in the affirmative to the man behind the order counter and he looks down at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I gotta get to work." I hadn't noticed that the lunch rush had shown up. There's a line of customers extending through the length of the dining area and stopping just shy of the front entrance. Jasper pats me on my shoulder and starts to walk away before thinking better of it and circling around back. He leans down and speaks clearly.

"Ever wonder why she barely sleeps? Why she stays up and writes in that damn notebook until her body shuts down? She told you it's how she processes her thoughts so she can function, right? and I know you haven't looked through it, because if you had, you'd know a hell of a lot more about her than you do now."

"I...I suppose so...she sleeps when she's with me, so I...I just assumed she didn't need a lot of..."

"Sure you did. It's ok, man. Look…just....Talk to Bella. Please. Just talk to her."

**EPOV**

It was a day I had dreamt of waking up in for weeks. So many of my recent days back in Forks had been mirror images of each other. I felt like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. The alarm would go off. I'd get up, have a shower, and throw on some clothes. I'd meet Rosalie downstairs, we'd get in the car, maybe stop for coffee on our way to the hospital and there we would stay until it got dark. A revolving door of doctors and medicines and diagnoses and people I didn't want to see would blur their images around me in fast motion. Around six each night I'd drop Rose and my mom at home and either drive to Denny's house or he'd pick me up and we'd go out and get shit-faced or I'd play a few songs at Leah's first and then we'd get shit-faced even further. It was a never-ending black hole of unfulfilled bullshit.

But the light had been switched on again and now I never wanted the sun to go down without her in my arms.

Bella had made plans to spend the afternoon with Alice, so I knew I had to make the most of the few hours I had before she left. And make the most of it I did. I made the most of it across the kitchen table after breakfast, spilling the contents onto the floor as I pounded into her shoving her shoulders across the remnants of sugar and syrup, then against the counter from behind as she tried to make another pot of coffee, then again in the shower as she attempted to get ready in vain.

It would never be too much.

It would never be enough.

I pulled her back to the bed for one more go, promising her I would make it quick so she wouldn't be late. We hadn't stop fucking or waiting for the next opportunity to fuck for the past twelve hours and I could happily live in this cyclical vortex for the rest of my life and never feel like I missed out on a thing.

Her warm breath wafted over my bare chest, hardening my nipples, her porcelain doll arms wrapped at my waist and every now and then she would grind her naked body and warm pussy against me in her light sleep and moan and my dick would spring to attention. Her soft hair was splayed over my shoulder and I hugged her close to me and she sighed a thank you sigh. I looked down and watched her head rise and fall as I breathed, the muted yellow light of the late morning sun twinkling across her shiny black hair.

I had her back. And I wasn't ever going to let her go again.

No one would take her from me.

I leisurely stroked her soft upper arm, creating note and chord combinations with my fingers and playing them across her skin as I watched the chills prickle in a trail along with my movements and she murmured breathlessly, _mmmyes Edward_. My dick stiffened and I wanted nothing more than to roll on top of her and spread her legs and push inside and never pull out, but she would most likely need another shower if I did, either that or she'd be standing up her best friend and I was trying to get back into their good graces, so I couldn't let that happen. Instead I hugged her close and kissed the top of her pretty head.

_I love you, Isabella Swan. I want to take care of you forever._

She left me with a quick kiss on the lips – anything else would have resulted in me picking her up and carrying her back to the bedroom or just ripping off her clothes and fucking her against the door – and promised we'd have dinner tonight.

_Stay as long as you want_, she said as she grabbed her wallet, keys, and phone and shoved them into the front pocket of my over-sized NYU sweatshirt.

It was a bittersweet sight – Bella in my only university clothing possession. I must have left it at her apartment the last time, before I left. I hoped she didn't recall the same memories when she wore it, but I imagined it to be a distinct possibility. In fact, I was surprised she had kept it period and hadn't burned it along with anything else I left behind.

_Don't ever leave_, she said, walking backwards down the hall as I stood in the doorway in nothing but my boxers and watched her go.

I felt the pull of my heartstrings towards hers, in the inevitable direction of my happiness. I had a connection with this incredible creature like I had with no other. She was everything for me and likewise I'd be the same for her. I would be good to her. I would be right for her. I would do whatever she needed. I would be anything to make her happy.

Returning to the kitchen I finished the rest of the coffee and washed the pot, mugs, plates and utensils in the sink. I dried them and returned them to their respective cabinets and then I sponged down the counter. It was quiet in the apartment and I liked it that way. I could have turned the stereo on but I didn't want to disrupt the peace and the way it eased my bones. I inhaled the warm scent of dust mixed with lavender and dried flowers mixed with sweat and sex.

I showered and put the same clothes on, debating whether or not to go uptown to collect my belongings. The thought of returning to that building sent fire through my chest. I decided to head to the university instead and talk to an administrator about terminating my academic career.

I clomped down the stairs like a Clydesdale and threw my weight against the front door of Bella's building. It gave and I pushed through, smacking full force into an immovable object.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled, dazed from the impact with the wall of stone. I opened my eyes, squinting and pinching the bridge of my nose.

"So. ...You're him," the mass standing in front of me stated bluntly. The sun was shining in my eyes as I looked up at his face. Creaseless caramel colored skin, thick black eyebrows and long black lashes, and eyes, he had _charcoal eyes_.

"…………_Huh?_"

"The _infamous _Edward," he spit sarcastically.

"..."

"Is that your name?"

"Who the fuck are _you_?" I winced, a dull pain forming behind my nose.

"I'm Jacob Black." He annunciated the single syllable of his last name like I should be intimidated.

"Are you a friend of Bella's?" I asked. We were circling each other on the sidewalk like we were in a face-off scene from West Side Story.

"You could say that," he answered cryptically through clenched teeth.

"Uh, ok. ...Are you going to tell me what the _fuck_ you want?"

"Just checking in on a 'friend', that's all. ...I guess me and Bella have more to talk about then I thought." The click of the T in the last word of his sentence hit my eardrums like a dagger.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You stay the fuck away from her."

"You're out of your league. You're messing around with something you have no right to," he growled. No really, it was a guttural, throaty _growl_.

"Jake, come on." Two identical members of Jake's posse appeared out of nowhere and flanked him on both sides. They were all dressed exactly the same; leather jackets, short black hair, stone-washed jeans, combat boots.

"Yeah yeah. I'm coming," he snarled over his shoulder before looking back at me. "...Have a nice day, Edward. I'll see you again real soon. You can count on that shit."

"_Jake!!_" the one on the left hissed. If he had fur, it would have stood up on the back of his neck.

"Shut the fuck _up_, Seth. I said I'm _fucking. coming_." Jake's dominance over the two of them was apparent by the way they cowered at his aggression. His massive chest heaved and his fists clenched. He nearly knocked them both down with the force of his shoulders as he stormed through their barricade.

"Word to the wise, bro..." The one called Seth and the other one snickered and mumbled something unintelligible between them and then directed their eyes on me. "…Don't get too attached. That girl has still got his heart in a vice. It's like he's imprinted on her or some shit."

Then they smiled wide, revealing their matching sets of sharp, white teeth before calling out, "Wait up, you _fucking asshole_!!" and scampering to catch up with Jake, who was already over a block and a half ahead of them.


	31. Look what thoughts can do

**So sorry for the delay in posting. Holidays, family, drama - you know how it goes ;p**

**Special thank you to Neko Case for her inspiration in this chapter. She's totally on the U.D. soundtrack :)  
**

**I do not own Twilight or Neko. They both own me.**

**This is non-beta'ed. Just me and my tired eyes. Pls forgive typos kthx.  
**

* * *

_I didn't know what a brute I was  
I dipped my cigarette and rode the bus  
Vengeance built me hastily  
And I drag the clanging notion I was nobody, nobody  
Nobody_

_All I had was my invention  
And my love invented on you  
Oh, look what thoughts can do  
What thoughts can do  
_

_I'm sure you're sleeping sound  
With a mistress of the hours  
The hours that grind your life to dust_

_Oh, easy loves  
You keep like pets  
Denied them you are powerless  
Whatever keeps you sleeping through the night_

_I'm not the man you thought I was  
My love has never lived indoors  
I had to drag it home by force  
Hired hounds at both my wrists  
Damp and bruised by stranger's kisses on my lips  
But you're the one that I still miss  
You're the one that I still miss  
And it's ruthless that it comes as no surprise _

_- Vengeance Is Sleeping, Neko Case _

_

* * *

  
_

**JPOV**

_"Ever wonder why she barely sleeps? Why she stays up and writes in that damn notebook until her body shuts down? She told you it's how she processes her thoughts so she can function, right? and I know you haven't looked through it, because if you had, you'd know a hell of a lot more about her than you do now."_

_"I...I suppose so...she sleeps when she's with me, so I...I just assumed she didn't need a lot of..."_

_"Sure you did. It's ok, man. Look…just....Talk to Bella. Please. Just talk to her."_

_**  
_

Edward loved the precious Belladonna, that was certain. His sincerity and adoration for her rivaled mine for Alice, which is saying a lot since I'd lay down in traffic for Mary Alice Brandon.

His explanation contained pure fact and raw emotion and there was no doubt in my mind that the pain Edward felt these last few weeks equaled Bella's in drama and intensity if differing only in the way he chose to react to the situation. Bella retreated inside herself when she fell apart. Edward acted out - artistically _and_ violently.

How could I evade the questions that he had every right to ask? He deserved answers but he was asking the wrong person. I had already said too much and if I kept going I wouldn't have been able to censor myself. And I couldn't...I wouldn't open that vault again.

The memories ran too deep.

**

The night of the house party - the night Bella met Jacob Black - I took Alice home and watched in pained longing as she walked the few steps to her building and closed herself inside. She waved at me through the glass and I waved back, smiling drunkenly and vowing that next time I would end the night differently. If I ever had the opportunity to walk Alice Brandon home again, I would kiss her goodbye. I would hold her without reservation and tell her how I felt about her hands and face and heart. I would feel the strands of her hair between my fingers. I would press sharps breaths of air from her delicate lungs as I kissed her without hesitating. I would do all these things. I swore it.

On the moonlit walk back to my place I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed Bella's number just to make sure she was ok. Any other night I would have felt comfortable leaving Bella to take care of herself, but there was something in the way Jacob Black looked at her, something in the way his legs were angled towards hers as they sat on the deck chair together, that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

He looked at her as if he had already claimed her.

Her voicemail picked up. _Hey, it's Bella..._

I clapped my phone shut and stuck it in my pocket. _I'll talk to her tomorrow_, I sighed, turning my thoughts back to Alice's milky white thighs and how they'd look hooked around my neck.

It was almost two weeks before I saw Bella again - for more than a minute at a time anyway. I was working overtime at an expensive Italian restaurant in SoHo - I always panicked as it neared the first of the month and rent was due, so I'd pick up extra shifts whenever I could - which made me pretty much than non-existent from one day to the next. But even when our schedules collided, Bella and I had always managed to make time for each other. We'd call and leave stupid phone messages or random texts, but days had been going by with no contact. Even Alice had barely seen her. They hadn't shopped in weeks. Unacceptable to Mary Alice and she made it my duty to find out what the fuck was going on with our girl.

Every time I stopped by the club Bella was either just leaving with Jake or had plans to meet up with him after her shift. I was happy that she had found someone and he seemed like a nice enough fella the few times I had met him, but there was still that something that nagged at my bones. He always had his hands on her, which normally wouldn't have raised a red flag to me – shit, Edward had his hands on Bella every chance he could get but you could see the way she absolutely melted under Edward's touch. She craved it, longed for it, and when he gave it she blossomed in his hand. It wasn't the same with Jake. She never pushed him way or cringed at his advances, in fact she always smiled when he showed up and kissed him sweetly and giggled when he nuzzled into her hair or slapped her ass. But the feral way he touched her and looked at her bothered me and I couldn't put my finger on why.

Then one day it came to me.

Edward looked at Bella like she was a goddess on earth; a diamond or fossil that he couldn't believe he had been lucky enough to find.

Jake, on the other hand, looked at Bella like something to eat and if the day ever came where she wouldn't want his advances anymore, pushing his hands away would not be an option.

_Weeks later_

My shift ended early so I headed over to Bella's to pay her an unannounced visit, just like I used to do before the days of Jake.

I knocked three times and the door opened quickly.

"...Jasper. Hey." She didn't look happy to see me and she wouldn't open the door more than a crack. At first I wasn't positive it was even her. The apartment smelled of cigarette smoke and pot and something else burning; a noxious scent that made my eyes water. There were several voices coming from the interior. Male voices speaking in low hushed tones and cursing and laughing and the sound of cartoons on the television mixed with video games being played in the background.

"Hey, stranger. Open up," I smiled, nudging my knee in the crack of the door.

"How'd you know I was here?" she said in a low tone that wasn't a whisper but that was definitely not meant to be heard by the people inside.

"What are you talking about? You told me you were off today. Remember? The one time you actually picked up your phone this week. You said if I got balls enough to ask Alice out we could all catch a movie or something. A double date. So I'm taking you up the offer. Haven't done the Alice part yet but..." I shrugged. "It's been ages. Where have you been anyway?"

"_Bella_? Who's at the door?" a voice I recognized called out from inside. "Is it Marcus? ...Tell him it's six hundred bucks for the package and another three if he wants the good stuff. Sam's cutting it now."

Bella looked over her shoulder and then back at me. "Oh, y'know, I've been around," she muttered.

"Ok what's going on?" I snarled under my breath, because something unsavory most certainly was.

"Nothing, I…" her eyes fell to the floor.

"Everything alright, baby?" Jake appeared behind her and put a possessive arm around her waist. He was puffing on a fat joint and clearly looked stoned out of his mind.

"Yes. Everything's fine. You remember Jasper."

"Oh right, yeah, hey man." He took another drag instead of reaching out to shake my hand like a gentleman would and walked away. "...Bell, did you get the vodka and cran like I asked?"

"It's on the counter. ...You wanna come in, Jazz?"

"Maybe another time," Jake yelled from the kitchen. "We're having company, remember?"

The list of things I did _not_ like about the situation was steadily growing in front of my eyes. I did _not_ like this Jake fella's tone or the way he spoke to Bella in her own fucking apartment. Who did he think he was? My southern hospitality was seriously pissed off. You do _not_ receive guests in such a manner, either, _ever_. You at least offer them a drink or a sit down. I didn't like how he walked around her apartment in a wifebeater and rolled up jeans showing off his significant muscles like a proud rooster. And the thing I did not like the most…it appeared that Bella was covering up for him.

"Bellbunny what the crap is going on?" I whispered through the crack in the door. "Is he hurting you?"

"No he's not hurting me. I swear."

"Then what's he into? Seriously. I'm not stupid." I stared into her doe eyes but she didn't answer.

"He sells," I said, answering my own question matter-of-factly. It didn't take a Rhodes Scholar to figure that one out. I knew a den when I saw one. They have them in the south too, ya know. My brother was a big fan.

She paused and nodded.

"Does he use too?"

She shook her head no. "He needs the money, Jasper. That's the only reason he does it. And his brother's do it more than him anyway. He just helps them out by giving them contacts. He doesn't actually sell anything himself, like on the street."

"Oh ok that makes it better." I rolled my eyes at her ignorance. "…Are you _insane_???" I hissed. I tried to keep my voice down but I was quickly not giving a shit who heard me. "There are other ways to make money. How about getting a fucking _job_? We need a dishwasher at the restaurant. Decent pay for a decent days work. That's how you succeed in life, Bella. Not by dealing crack."

"Hey man, you paying or what? Time is money." Jake reappeared with a roach clip in one hand and a vodka cran in the other. _Add not getting one for Bella to the list, you selfish prick_. I wanted to tear the shit-eating grin off his face with my bare hands. "No?" he continued, putting his hand on Bella's hip and pulling her into his groin. "That's too bad. ...You got any friends who might like what we have to offer here?"

"Shut up, Jake. I told you I wasn't doing that shit," Bella snapped at him.

"Doing _what_ exactly?" I asked.

"Nah, I'm just joking," Jake snerked. "I wasn't talking about Bella. ...She wouldn't do it anyway. But my cousin Jared knows a few girls that would be down for some action. You interested?" He looked me up and down, assessing my natural assets, his eyes stopping at the significant bulge in my jeans. He raised his eyebrows and the corner of his mouth in a mischievous grin. The puzzle suddenly clicked into place and I covered my crotch with my hand.

"_What??!_ NO I don't want to take you up on your _offer_," I rasped horrified. Jake laughed at my shocked and bewildered expression and walked back into the apartment, slapping Bella's ass on the way. "Your loss, man. Best money you'll ever spend. Drinks included."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I shook off the shock and focused on Bella's pale face. She was still holding the door open with her arm.

"That _sick fuck!_ Does he think he's running a fucking _brothel_ here?? He's trying to slut you out? Bella. Are you fucking _blind_? He just said it himself. He'd be willing to take _money_ from guys in exchange for letting them _fuck_ you!"

"You're overreacting, Jazz. I didn't do it. ...Jesus. Calm down. You're starting to sweat."

"Why are you taking this so lightly??"

"He wasn't serious, that's why."

"I bet if you said _yes_ to it he'd let you do it. He'd set it up! You heard him. He already knows who'd be _down_, as he called it." I put my hands behind my head and took a deep breath. "This is so fucked up. You're better than this, Bella. ...I never should have taken you to that party. I'll never forgive myself."

"I'm a big girl, Jazzy. I can make my own decisions. He's a good guy who fell on hard times. ...He cares about me. Don't worry. I'm fine."

"...Do you love him?"

"I...uh...I don't know. I mean, yeah...I guess."

"You _guess _or you _know_? Which one is it?"

"Who knows what love is anyway," she shrugged dismissively.

"_YOU _DO. And you _know_ that_ this_ isn't it. ...It's convenience or twisted companionship or, shit I don't know what it is but it's got _nothing_ to do with love."

"Bella! Come in here and help us, will ya? The pick-up will be here any minute and your tiny fingers can get these seeds out quicker. ...C'mon, baby. Tell your friend goodbye."

That was the last straw. I wasn't being dismissed by some fucking ignorant squatter and I sure as shit wasn't walking away from my girl. I pushed through the front door and barged into Bella's apartment. The blinds were closed even in the afternoon and the television provided the only illumination in the room. It stunk like pot and sweat.

"What the fuck is going on in here, as if I even need to ask?!! You think you're going to take over my friend's place, turn it into your personal satellite drug den, and then try to prostitute her out to her own best friend and I'm going to stand by and _watch_ it happen?! You're lucky I don't leave right now and call the fucking cops! If I didn't love her like my own flesh and blood, that's _exactly _what I'd do!"

Three guys that looked like Jake's slightly bigger and more intimidating mirror images sat around the living room in various positions with beer cans, bags of chips, and pretzels littered at their feet. I stood tall in front of Jake, who was sitting on the couch with a look of surprise on his face.

"Chill out, homey. I haven't done shit. I'd never hurt Bella. ...I, y'know, I love her and shit."

"Yeah right," I scoffed. "You love what she _does_ for you, I know that much is true. And what she puts up with. That's what you love. Her loyalty and acceptance." I looked towards my best girl, my first real friend in this city, and my heart swelled. She was my pretty Bella. _Ma belle fille_. There she stood, in the doorway like she was contemplating when the best time would be to dart down the hallway, to run as fast as she could as far as she could until she could turn back time.

"You don't know how lucky you are to have a girl like her," I continued. "...and I can understand why you wouldn't know how to treat her. I'm pretty sure she's not the type of female you're _used_ to attracting."

I should have sucked the words back into my mouth when I had the chance because Jake's face turned to stone and he slowly rose to his feet, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the arm of the couch.

"Watch your fucking mouth, _bro_. You don't know what you're saying or who you're dealing with. ...You don't want to find out what happens when I get angry."

One of the tanks sitting on the floor in front of Bella's coffee table, the one divvying up an enormous bag of pot, stood and approached me. I cringed and readied for the punch that was inevitably coming my way, whether it be to my jaw or gut, I wasn't sure. He was massive but with the face of a cherub. It seemed wrong that such a face should come along with such a hardened, muscled physique. But he was calm and when he stopped, he put himself between me and Jake, who was still visibly fuming.

There was quiet in the room except for the sound of the television and Jake's panting breaths.

"Sam, please," Bella pleaded from behind me, but Sam raised his paw to cut her off and addressed me with the serenity of a calm, yet dangerous, animal.

"I don't know you, _hermano_," he began and my skin chilled at the finality of his tone. "but listen closely. ...It's best if you leave _now_."

_Weeks later_

I slammed my pint glass down on the bar and growled into the stained and scuffed wood. "You have do something about it, Emmett. You're the only one who can put a stop to this."

"What do you want me to do?" Emmett mumbled. He rang out a wet cloth and wiped up the beer that had spilled out of my glass when it hit. He tucked the rag into his back pocket and braced his jacked arms on the edge of the bar, doing makeshift push-ups and snorting like a bull. "Want me to go to her apartment and fuck 'em up? ...Cuz I'll do it. I'm not scared of leather jackets and ponytails," he laughed, but he wasn't kidding. Emmett wasn't scared of anything or anyone.

"Is she being held against her will? Cuz I'll cut a motherfucker. If he's hurt her in any way, shape, or form I'll snap his limbs one by fucking one and use 'em to pick my teeth with. Because no one, _nofuckingone_, touches a woman without her permission, That's _Bro101_."

I could see the veins in his neck pulse and expand and the one in his head throbbed in red anger.

Alice and I had many talks about Emmett over coffee at 4am while she was supposed to be closing up the club. She thought he was a cocky, cock-sure prick who treated women like annoying entities he was forced to deal with and that he sometimes fucked. She thought he was a chauvinist pig because he never held a door for her, never told her she looked cute, never paid her any attention at all except to give her crap about not working hard enough for his taste.

I knew him differently. I knew him as a man who took care of his mother when she had cancer and then lost her when he was fifteen and who would step in front of a bullet if it was heading towards Mary Alice. And the only reason Mary – as I sometimes called her when I was being stern and trying to get my point across - hated him was because she knew it was true.

More truth...Alice doesn't hate Emmett. Not even close.

"Our bonita is in too deep with that punk, Em," I went on to explain. "And she's too nice to cut it off. She told me last night on the phone. ...She feels bad for him. He told her that she's the only girl he's ever loved. That she's the only person who's ever given him a chance and seen the good in him and that he's just doing what he's doing until he gets enough money to go back to school. He promised her that he'll change if she just sticks by him while he helps his brothers get on their feet."

"Sounds like a crock of shit to me."

Don't I fucking know it. "She said he's started staying over her place without asking and he's letting his friends crash there, too. _Uninvited_." Emmett bristled as I continued. "People she doesn't know are calling there at all hours and a lot of times when she wakes up, Jake's gone. And when he does come back he doesn't even offer her an explanation – like she's got no fucking right to be given one. Meanwhile she's putting food on the table and...sleeping with him and...Emmett, it's just..."

"Alright, enough!!' Emmett barked. The muscles in his forearms flexed as he clenched his fists. I could hear him grinding his teeth as he attempted to remain calm. "This it too fucking shady."

"To put it mildly, man." I shook my head and downed my Guinness.

"She's not answering her phone," Alice said, barging through the door and holding her phone in the air for us to see. "Second time I tried today. But her shift starts in ten and she's never late, so..."

Alice cut her sentence short as the front door opened and Bella appeared, sliding her Jackie O. sunglasses to the top of her head and smiling. If I didn't know better I'd say there was nothing wrong. She looked the same – same battered Chucks with mis-matched socks, same tight tee shirt with oversized zip-up hoodie hanging off her shoulders, same funky black hair smoothed and spiked and tied back in a ponytail. Same smeared make-up. She dropped her bag next to the register and looped a tiny apron around her waist.

"Fucking finally, Bella," Alice bitched, slamming her phone on the bar and putting her hands on her hips in an accusatory way. "I called you yesterday to see if you wanted to go to Bloomie's. There's a righteous sale going on and I saw the cutest Coach bag and Marc Jacobs pencil skirt..."

Of course Alice would be pissed that Bella didn't call her back in time to go to a _sale_. She was so clueless sometimes, god love her. Bella smirked and wiped down the taps as she listened to Alice go on for a full minute without stopping to take a breath.

"Sorry I missed all the fun, Alice. I, uh, I was at the shop...with Jake." I rolled my eyes. _No surprise there_. "One of the guys from Orange County Choppers came by with a bike Jake worked on for him. It was really nice, and then we, uh, went for tacos at this little shack in Brooklyn, and..."

Something wasn't flowing with the way Bella was speaking. It was hesitant and forced and distant, like she was a million miles away from the scene she was painting.

"Yeah great," Alice huffed. "I love tacos, you'll have to take me there. Listen, Bella, remember _us_?" She pointed to herself and me and even over at Emmett. "We like hanging out with you too, y'know. How come you never invite _us_ to chill with you and Jake? Are we not cool enough? Not grungy? Because that's not a problem. I can do 'grunge'. I have a great flannel I can wear with my destructed 501's and Doc Marten's. I'll totally fit in. I'll wear too much eye make-up and outline my lips in brown eyebrow pencil and wear big jewelry. Then maybe I'll see you for more than ten minutes between shifts or before _he_ comes by to _collect _you."

Bella's eyes were watering and her faced paled from the impact of the spikes on Alice's words. I hadn't shared the reality of Jake's "business" dealings with Alice for this very reason. She would _not_ understand. Like a true girlfriend she would play the tough love card and – like she did when Bella first met Edward – tell her to dump his ass faster than Jimmy Hoffa's body into the Staten Island landfill.

Then again, perhaps I made a mistake by not telling Alice. If it meant saving Bella one ounce of heartache or pain I should have run to her like a schoolgirl on the playground and spilled everything I knew. I would never let myself off the hook for my inaction. I was ashamed.

"Back off, Brandon," Emmett snapped. "...Can't you see she's upset? ...You ok, Bells?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks Em." She turned and faced her friend. "...You're right, Alice." She bowed her head and looked into Alice's face with fresh tears, not from the sting that Alice's words had caused but for what she was about to say next.

"We broke up."

"He _dumped_ you??" Alice blurted out.

"No, psycho," Bella laughed lightly through her tears. "I broke up with him."

"Oh bunny ears," Alice reached for Bella's hand and took it in her own. "I'm sorry for being an asshole just now. It's just...I didn't know what was going on with you...you never talked to me about him. We used to _always_ talk about boys and this time...nothing. Not one word. I kinda bugged out. ...So what happened?"

Bella took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "Jessica Stanley happened." The name didn't ring a bell as one of the regular sluts that paraded their wears around the club every day, so I waited for Bella to enlighten me.

"She's a gross skank. She came up to us on the street while we were walking back to his brother's place today and she started flipping out on him. Right there on the corner. Then she started pointing her grubby finger in my face – awful red nails, by the way – and cursing at me. _Who the fuck is this bitch_, blablabla. Real classy stuff."

A few stray tears slipped down her cheeks and I circled behind the bar to stand closer to her side. Me, Alice, and Emmett formed a protective cocoon around her as she told us the story of her encounter with Jessica Stanley – who sounded like a real piece of trash. A piece of trash Jake had apparently been fucking on and off for the duration of his relationship with Bella. It came out that Jessica Stanley was a well-known coke-head in the neighborhood where Jake lived and kept their liaison a secret as long as Jake kept her stocked up on blow. But Sam was tightening the reigns on the powder portion of his operation and had cut Jacob off from supplying gear to his "street hoes" as Bella delightfully called them. This sent J. Stan into a full on junkie freak out episode and she blew the whistle – bad pun intended – on her and Jake's behind the scenes bedroom shenanigans.

"I can't believe I let myself get involved in this shit," Bell sniffled into a cocktail napkin. "I really thought he was going to change. The past few days have been some of the best of our relationship. He kicked his friends out and apologized for letting them sponge and make a mess and then he helped me clean the entire apartment. He took me out to dinner last night and paid – and I know what you're going to say. _Paid with dirty money_ or whatever. But he told me he was looking for a place of his own and that he was going to move out of that dump in Canarsie. He was going to look for a new job, too, one that paid more than his brother was paying him at the shop and he was going to stop dealing and being an errand boy, because...he wanted to show me that he meant what he said – that he loved me and wanted to be with me."

She paused and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"God. How could I have been so stupid? I believed him!"

"You're a good person, that's why," I said truthfully. "And you want to believe the good in people."

"Yeah. It's called being stupid."

"Hey, enough of that shit, Bella" Emmett said sternly, handing her his wet rag. "It's a lesson learned, that's all. It doesn't mean you're stupid or a bad person. You trusted someone. Nothing wrong with that.

"So what lesson did I learn then?" she asked, dabbing at her eyes with the cloth.

"Be more careful next time with who you give your heart to," Emmett answered.

"Wow, Em. That was deep."

"Fuck off, Jasper, and get out from behind my bar. You wanna get me fined?" Emmett chuckled and pretended to clothesline me into the racks. Alice flung herself into Bella's arms and they hugged while we pretended not to watch.

"I'll sleep over tonight and do your nails," Alice mumbled into Bella's collarbone, squeezing her tight.

"Before or after you fall asleep on my couch," Bella winked at me over Alice's head while Alice rolled her eyes. "I'll make you a deal, Al. You stay up long enough to paint my nails that shade of purple you've been dying to try out on me, and I'll write a poem for you after you've passed out. It will be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. or to go pee, whichever comes first."

"Are you shitting me??!!" Alice shrieked, pulling away and jumping in place. "DEAL!!" She stuck out her hand for Bella to shake but Bella turned up her nose.

"We don't need to shake on it, tiny one. I said I would do it. That's good enough. ..I love you, girl."

"I'm sorry Jake broke your heart, Belly," Alice said with a frown.

"Aww thanks. It's not broken though. It's just bruised. Along with my pride. And _that's_ something that will take longer to heal."

**BPOV**

"_Bella, can I ask you a question?" he whispers into my mouth. The warm fragrance of his minty breath fills my nose and I inhale it in and hum._

_"Mmm?"_

_He sighs and presses his lips to the top of my head._

"_Who's Jacob Black?"_

Panic tightens my chest. How could I have expected Edward to live his entire life, for us to live our lives together, and never find out about Jake?

"You already know, don't you?" I sigh dejectedly, dropping my forehead to his dimpled chin before looking back up into those glistening green jewels. Edward's angelic face is unmoving, his brow remains furrowed and concern creases his smooth forehead. I'll never get used to the unmatched beauty of the man standing before me, but all I can think of now is how I want to rewind time and have him take back the question.

"Yes," he breathes.

"They why'd you ask?" I sound like such a coward trying to turn the tables on him. Why can't I just face this like an adult?

"Because I want you to say it," he answers truthfully, the words strangling him, and my heart cracks.

"Will you tell me what you know first?"

"Bella, please," he sighs in frustration and lets me out of his embrace. The loss of contact with his body shoots real pain through me. "No more games." He takes my hand and leads me to an empty bench on the other side of the park. He sits me down and then stands next to the bench for a moment, looking out at the traffic in the street. His face is turned away from me and it makes me uneasy that I can't see his expression. I can usually see the whole world in Edward Cullen's face.

After a few moments filled with the sounds of the city, he runs his fingers through the sides of his hair, tucking stray edges behind his ears, and finally sits down next to me. He's facing straight ahead with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him.

"Why won't you tell me about him?"

I fiddle with the tie of Edward's NYU hoodie. "Because.........If I tell you...it will change things between us."

He turns to me suddenly and I jolt at his expression. _Disbelief._ "How will it? ...Nothing can change the way I feel about you. I promise you that. Bella. Look at me. I _promise you_." He shakes his head, still unable to comprehend what I just said.

"After all I've put you through, after all you've put up with in order to be with me...just thinking about it makes the love I have for you...Jesus Christ, Bella, it's so _strong_, it's a constant tug in my chest and it hurts, it physically _hurts_ when you're not around, it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. I swore...when I was in Forks I swore, if I ever got you back, if I ever got back that feeling, I'd _never_ give it up. And I'm staying true to my word. I will _never _give you up."

"Oh Edward," I croak. "I'm so scared. ….There's some things...about me...that I haven't..."

"That's normal. Isn't it? We haven't known each other that long, and the whole time it's been _me me me_, my drama, my stupid fucking girlfriend, my fucked up family, my school, my job, my dad, ugh god why do you even love me? I suck."

"Yeah but only after you've asked nicely," I joke. There's a slight pause and then Edward's laugh fills the air and it's music and honey and chocolate and summer rain.

"Leave it to you to try and distract me with innuendo, you little minx." He leans in and places his lips on the bridge of my nose and I hum into his cleft chin.

"I haven't been fair to you, Edward. I love you so much. If I tell you about Jake will you..."

"...It won't change anything."

"You don't know that. How can you say that with absolute certainty?"

He cups my face in his soft hands searching deep into my eyes with his own and I feel weak in the knees even sitting down at being the subject of his intense stare. "Baby, you're starting to really freak me out here. Please. Just tell me. I'm here, aren't I? I want to know everything about you, and that includes your faults, your mistakes. Lord knows you know plenty of mine. ...Please don't keep things from me."

He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. I melt into him, inhaling his sharp, soapy scent mixed with pine and something distinctly Edward. He nuzzles his nose into my hair and breathes me in.

He's waiting patiently.

"Jake was really nice in the beginning," I begin on a positive note because it's true. I'm not one of those girls who are attracted to guys that treat them like shit. Ha. Come on, we all know those girls exist.

"He picked me up, brought me flowers, took me out. We had fun together. He made me laugh, even though his jokes were sooo corny. ...The neighborhood he's from is really bad so we would stay at my apartment most of the time, which was fine, I mean, I figured he didn't want to scare me away by showing me his place. Not that it would have but...anyway. One day he asked if his brother's could stop by and I said sure. I didn't think anything of it. They were always nice to me. But then they started bringing their friends with them, who looked like they could be very _not nice_, and...that's when I found out what Jacob's brothers did for a living. I should have known. They were _always_ home. They rarely left the house and when they did, they never left together. One always stayed behind, to guard the stuff. The few times I had gone to their apartment, I wondered how long it had been since either of them had seen the light of day. The curtains were always closed and they played video games morning, noon, and night while they drank 40's and smoked pot. They must have smoked a third of what they bagged for sale. Jake's cousin and one of his brother's run a bike shop but I think Jared does most of the work and on the side he runs this tacky prostitution ring. It's vile. Jake kept joking with me to become its newest member."

I keep talking, not wanting to stop to give Edward an opening to dump me on the spot. I feel his arm tensing around me. I know this is coming out of nowhere, which is why I never talked about it. There was never a right time to say, _Hey, let me tell you about my drug dealer ex-boyfriend who sometimes pimps out local crack heads and who used my apartment to set up a Manhattan branch of the family business and then stalked me for months after I broke up with him. Wanna introduce me to your parents?_

"Were you sleeping with him?" Edward asks, returning his elbows to his knees and looking straight ahead, his hands clasped tightly in front of his eyes.

"He was my boyfriend, Edward. So, yes. The answer is yes. It wasn't like he was beating me." Edward relents and I go on with my story, skipping over the sex - which was good but not great and_ nothing _compared to what it's like fucking Edward – and moving on to the encounter with Jessica Stanley. I look at Edward out of the corner of my eye and I can see him trembling. His eyes are closed. The knuckles of his fist are digging into his forehead. I want to touch him, to rub his back, I want to stop talking, but this is what he needs.

It's what he asked for.

"I broke up with him after that but it did _not_ go well. He wouldn't leave me alone. He kept showing up at the club and outside my apartment. I had my locks changed even though I never gave him a key. He would call me constantly, crying and begging and then becoming enraged and screaming calling me a bitch and a slut. Hilarious. He cheated on me and _I_ was the slut. But then he would go back to crying and pleading and I'd start to feel guilty like I was giving up on him, like he needed me, like I could somehow change him for the better, put him on the path to a new and better life, fix him, all the bullshit that women think they can do for men. But there was no love. If I really loved him, I would have been crushed by what happened, but I wasn't. I tried to force love. I wanted so badly to love him. Then at least I would have had an excuse for being in an unhealthy relationship. But I couldn't. He had turned into a friend that I felt bad for and slept with and wanted to help."

I stop there to see if Edward wants to say anything, but he's a statue. I lean forward a bit to try and see the front of his face.

"Edward?" I murmur.

"Are you done?" he answers robotically.

"Almost."

He swallows and takes a deep breath, putting his fist back to his forehead. "Go on."

I sit back and fold my hands in my lap, wondering if I should get up and run after him when he hears this next part and takes off. He's taller than me, stronger than me, he'll be faster than me, but I won't let him go without - another - fight. I think I could chase him to the end of the block and then I could jump on his back and that would at least slow him down while I tried to explain.

Here goes.

"A week after I broke up with Jake...I found out I was pregnant." I wince out the words, close my eyes half way and look at Edward through my lashes like I'm watching the scariest part of a horror movie. His ribs and the muscled contours of his back are expanding and contracting so I know he is breathing but his knee has stopped bouncing, he's stopped wringing his hands together, stopped burying his fists in his forehead. Instead, the palms of his hands are pressed into his eyes and I think I heard tiny whimpers escaping his lips.

"Edward. Baby. Please. Say something. Anything."

Still no movement. I reach out and slide my hand up his tricep. _Please Edward. Talk to me_.

"I was afraid you were going to say that," he groans.

"We always used a condom, Edward. And I was on the pill. I don't know how it happened. It turned out to be a false alarm anyway. A false positive, a chemical pregnancy. I got my period the day after I took the test...but for that one day...I thought I was pregnant...with his..." I couldn't finish the sentence. "My world imploded. To make matters worse, Jake had seen me in Duane Reade and he caught me buying the test. He went nuts and followed me to the club. I ran in and hid in the bathroom and took the test while Emmett forcibly removed him with the help of Donovan and Jasper. ...He stayed out on the sidewalk the entire night...until I came out...and then he grabbed me and...there were people around so it didn't go any further, but...."

"_MygodBella_," Edward croaks. He's shaking his head in his hands. A tear falls from the cheek and lands in his lap.

"It's alright. Edward, baby, I'm fine. He didn't hurt me." I pull his arm and make him turn towards me. His eyes are red-rimmed and moist.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll take care of it. I won't let anyone hurt you." His strong hands are on my face, his fingers through my hair, and tears well up behind my eyes and spill, tracing rivers down my cheeks.

"What do you mean 'take care of it'?"

"I'm not letting some steroid-ridden biker douchebags with bad crew-cuts prowl around my girlfriend's apartment and threaten me."

"Wait. You saw him? Crew cuts?? He...cut his hair?"

"Why? It that odd or something?"

"Well, sorta. It was always long and in a ponytail. It was his trademark. Him and his brothers. A family thing they shared in honor of their Native American heritage."

"Those were his brothers, huh. ...that would explain the coordinating outfits. Do they dress each other too?"

"They were with him?"

"Yeah. ...Do they do everything together?"

"You could say that."

"Well they told me not to get too attached to you. Too late for that, huh?"

"They _what_? Why would they say that?"

"I told you. Bella," he takes my face in his hands again and dapples feather-light kisses across my chin. His breath smells like green apple Jolly Ranchers and I want to take his tongue in my mouth and taste him. "I'll take care of it."

"You can't. Edward, please. You have to handle this calmly. Like how I handled the whole Victoria thing. Right? How many times did she call me fucking worthless and treat me like street trash? And how many times could I have tracked her down if I wanted to and cracked her skull? But I didn't."

"It's not the same."

"Why not?"

"Pride, Bella. You don't fuck around with a man's pride. Who knows what he's capable of and what he'll do to get you back."

"We've been broken up for months, Edward." I roll my eyes.

"Why are you taking this so lightly?" the muscles in his jaw tighten. "You had to fucking MOVE, Bella. And Emmett hates him. That right there is enough for me. I have a feeling there's even more to this that I don't know about and I can't have you hurt. I can't sleep knowing there's someone out there who could pose even the slightest threat to you. To us. We're an _us_, now, remember?" He smiles like a little boy and my concerns melt away. There's nothing that could frighten me. I have Edward. Only the thought of losing him could scare me.

"I could get hit by a car crossing the street," I tease.

"Never," he flutters his lips over mine. "I would stop it."

I giggle into his mouth and run my tongue over his bottom lip. He sucks in a breath and winds his fingers through my hair, pulling our mouths together, our lips become one, dissolving into themselves and swirling, his taste and scent engulfing me, a perfect fit every time.

"I would never treat you like that, Bella," Edward moans, moving his hands down my neck and placing them on my shoulders. "It makes me sick to think about it. I can't stand the thought of you being with anyone but me. My god, Bella, I would never ask you to..." he's tracing the pad of his thumbs up and down the length of my neck and I swoon under his touch.

"I know that, Edward. I _know_ you would never do that. I was stupid, naïve, in a strange place."

"If he ever comes near you again I will END him. Do you understand me? I will END him."

"Yeah well you and Emmett can duke it out for the honors."

We kills quietly, tonguing, lapping up each other's saliva and breathing in each other's breath through our noses and open mouths. I open and close my eyes in time with his. Every time I open mine, he's there looking back at me.

"I'd like to take you on a date," he says, pulling back. His lips are full and red and slightly chapped from the friction.

"A date?"

"Yes. A date."

"You're asking me out?"

"...Yeah, I guess I am," he smiles so I can see all his pearly white teeth and my stomach flips.

"Um, sure. ..._Yes_. I'd love to go on a date with you, Edward."

"Excellent," he sighs.

"Tonight?"

"Yes, my love, tonight. I'll have my bags sent to Jasper's apartment. I'll dress there and pick you up at seven thirty?"

* * *

**Yay/Nay?? **

**Next episode is Fluffy Date Night!!! Will ExB finally get the romantic night out they so desperately deserve??? xoxo  
**


	32. Victory is sweet

**Note: I usually hate it when entire song lyrics are posted in the body of a story, I tend to skip right over them, but this one seemed TOO perfect not to include. I think it reads like a poem or a love letter and I couldn't bear to cut it down. **

**That being said, feel free to skip over it if you want, it won't hurt my feelings ;p**

**Please forgive typos. Twilight belongs to s. meyer.  
**

* * *

_Victory is sweet even deep in the cheap seats_.

- Conor Oberst

**EPOV**

Melanie Palmer had a habit of sitting unnecessarily close to me in our contracts class, making sure our outer thighs were touching at all times so I could feel every movement she would deliberately make. It started the very first day she walked into class and we made accidental direct eye contact. She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled, walking towards me with purpose, like I was the Enterprise beaming her in with my tractor beam. I tried to look away, already knowing what was on her mind. It was the same look most girls gave me the moment they saw me. It used to make me uncomfortable when I was growing up. I always thought I had something in my teeth or hanging out of my nose or sticking out of my hair. But as I got older I realized it was just me. It was the way I looked, the way I smelled, the way I spoke no matter what it was I was saying. I'm not making it up, they told me so themselves, whispering in my ear with their nails digging into the back of my neck. Telling me it was all my fault because of what I was doing to them. I'd cross and uncross my legs, unsure how to stop it, unsure what to do next. What did they want from me? How was I to please them? I was thirteen, fourteen, then by fifteen I was taking them up on their offers – my mother's friends and my friends mother's especially taught me well. And their daughters were relentless. Even first thing in the morning, when I would show up to class late with raging bedhead and wrinkled clothes, usually the same clothes I'd worn and slept in the night before, I could feel the heat of their stares on me as I entered first period bio lab.

_I wish my name started with a C so we could be lab partners, Edward. But how about meeting me outside the gym after the bell rings instead? _

I'd smile and suck in my breath as a cool, thin hand found its way under the table and up my leg, her breaths becoming staggered as she felt my flesh under her fingertips, and she'd dig her nails into me wherever they landed and push her stool closer as the teacher droned on about frog anatomy and dissection and I could smell her lust and bubble gum breath over the formaldehyde.

Aaaaanyway, back to Melanie. She was my first "friend" at NYU Law for lack of a better term. We were put in the same study group and given difficult case assignments to work on. She asked a lot of questions that I know she knew the answers to, but I didn't mind the attention. It kept my mind from counting the seconds and obsessing over how much I was missing Bella.

Ever since Melanie saw Bella and I tangled together on a park bench in Washington Square Park that warm afternoon, my hands clasped inside Bella's thighs in an obvious showing of ownership and wanton desire, she'd been turning the charm up several degrees to let me know that she was up to the challenge. Good thing I only attended a few classes before being called back to Forks. Otherwise I was this close to having to make it abundantly clear that her advances were entirely for naught.

One good thing that came out of Melanie's incessant chattering during our useless study periods was that I came to find out that her older brother, Eric, was a part owner in Joe's Pub, a showcase venue for live music and performance on Lafayette that also provided nightly dinner and drink service. I had put it to the back of my mind at the time with the rest of the useless information Melanie spouted in a feeble attempt to gain my interest. I had no idea it would prove useful to me in the future.

Knowing a chick that did nothing but try to fuck my brains out every day came in handy when planning a spur of the moment surprise for my Bella. It was pure luck that I bumped into Melly-Mel - as I liked to call her, cuz she hated it - on my way out of the NYU Admin building after my lunch with Jasper. For all intents and purposes I had just dropped out of New York Law School with no other prospects in mind and was still pretty shaken up from my run in with The Brothers Black just hours before. I was looking forward to heading to the park on the east side to catch a game of chess before stopping by Bella's place. Melanie was heading into the building on business of her own but re-routed her destination when she saw me trotting down the steps. She held onto my arm for way too long, as usual, and followed alongside me as I hurried down the sidewalk. I told her what I had done, that I'd just unenrolled from classes, and a strained look of horror appeared on her face. She asked why I would do something so foolish and offered to tutor me one on one if I was having trouble understanding the coursework. _Right_, I thought, rolling my eyes. _Studying is exactly what you'll have in mind once you get me into your one room studio with a door that doesn't unlock. No thanks._

I didn't go into detail, instead telling her that I had been taking classes for all the wrong reasons, doing it for other people instead of for me, which was the truth.

_But you'd make such an excellent lawyer, Edward. I saw you at the mock trial, in your suit and tie, with your hair, just, mmm_, _so handsome_, she purred. _You'd win every case just by showing up. _Her grip on me tightened and I nudged her with my elbow to give her the hint to back off.

I laughed politely. _If only it were that easy, Melanie. Now get your hand off my ass before I sue you for harassment._

I'd been toying with the idea of doing something special for Bella for weeks, something to show her that she was it for me, that there was no one else on this earth that meant more to me than her, something so that she'd know that I meant it, that it didn't matter how long we'd known each other, it was over with Victoria for good and it was just beginning with her until forever.

After seeing the look on my girl's face today and the pain that filled her eyes as she recounted thoughts of Jacob Black, I knew the time had come. It was only my first full day back in New York and already both of our execs had made appearances in our lives in one irritating form or another, taking precious time away from us that could have been spent spent learning more about the contours of each others bodies or talking about our favorite board games when we were kids. Instead of closing ourselves up in our own private cocoon, we were still being plagued by our pasts, busy apologizing for our shitty mistakes, making excuses for why we couldn't see straight and how we veered off course.

I was sick of explaining _us _and ready to start _being_ us.

It was then that I remembered a particular one of Melanie's shameless attempts to make herself more attractive to me one day after she caught me playing piano in the Kimmel Center. _Just let me know when you want to do it, Edward, and I'll make it happen. It's the least I can do for such a talented artist. _She grabbed my cell off the stool and punched in her number. _Call me. ...Even if it's not about that._

The chick was relentless.

After Bella agreed to let me take her out on a proper first date, like a gentlemen should, I kissed her sweetly on the mouth and told her I'd pick her up at seven-thirty. She immediately called Alice and enlisted her fashion assistance and I watched with a heart swelled with adoration as she exited the park and cautiously crossed the street to her apartment.

I took my phone out of my pocket and sent Melanie a text.

_Tell your bro I'll take him up on his offer. Tonight._

Romantic dinner date venue. _Check._ Thank you, Melanie, and no I still won't fuck you.

I never had much luck pulling off surprises. I've only had one girlfriend in my life and Victoria _hated _them. Throughout our five year relationship she sought out every opportunity I had to orchestrate one – holidays, milestone birthdays, graduation – and squashed the very thought from my brain.

_Don't you dare throw me a surprise party, Edward._

_I wasn't going to._

_Liar. I heard you on the phone with the tent rental place. _

_Come on, Vicky, You only graduate once._

_You know I hate surprises. _

_Can't you give up control just once?_

_NO PARTIES._

I guess I should have been happy. No parties. No pressure. All's well in Guyville, right? But, believe it or not, some guys actually _like_ to do that kind of shit for their girlfriends. Seeing the look of shock on the face of the woman you love after a successful surprise is an ego boost like no other. Fuck textbook courtesies like flowers, opening car doors, or pulling our chairs. That stuff is the price of admission.

After calling uptown and arranging for my bags to be delivered to Jasper's apartment, I texted Bella on my way over. I hadn't hung out with Jasper since the days we used to play basketball on summer afternoons; days that made me feel like I was part of a team and that I had a real friend. I missed him and I needed his help. I'd never been on a real date before, not in all my years with Victoria. She thought they were cliché and trite; obsolete exercises that distracted you from getting to the point. _Bitch_. I shuddered and reached out to the one person who was the exact opposite of all the things I used to think a man should want in a woman.

_Hey gorgeous. I was thinking. ….wear that navy dress I like. you know the one?_

…..Flashes of my trembling hands tearing the thin straps from Bella's pale flesh, pulling down the satin and lace fabric that cinched at her tits and held them in place, snapping apart the one and only clasp that held everything in front together, the high pitched _riiiip _that released the dress from her body, fisting it and flinging it to the ground in a crumpled pile as we toppled onto the bed finally naked, my cock hard and throbbing in her hand......

Bella's response moments later went straight to my dick.

_The one you ripped to shreds? THAT navy one? The one I never even got to wear outside? yeah I think I know it ;p_

I chuckled and texted back.

_Mmm sorry about that. I'll try to be better this time._

_I love you, my sexy girl._

I pushed open the door to Jazz's building, smiling geekily at her quick response.

_i love you too, my animal. And please, be as bad as you want *wink* _

Romantic dinner date obstacle #2. _Clothing._ Now that Bella was all set…What the fuck was _I_ going to wear?

Solution. _Jasper Whitlock_. My go to man on the street.

**

"How does it fit?" Jazz asks through the door.

I loosen the knot of the skinny tie he's lent me and redo it until it falls in a straight line down my crisp, fitted white dress shirt.

"Good, I guess. …I don't fucking know," I mumble.

After fumbling for the past half hour with Jasper's ironing board, I managed to smooth out the wrinkles in the one suit I had left over from my short-lived job at Victoria's agency.

I exit the bathroom running my hands through my damp hair in frustration. It's pointless trying to get it to do anything other than stick up in all directions and normally I wouldn't give a shit. But tonight I actually _care_ about how I look.

"Well?" I shrug, knowing the suit fits me like a glove. It was cut and sewn to fit my body only, stitched and taken in to mold to every curve and line. There's no way it could fit any better, yet somehow getting dressed up still makes me uncomfortable. Weddings, funerals, dinner parties, anytime where I stray from the hobo chic I usually rock to play myself down, it only serves to make people stare at me harder, and for longer.

"Dude, you look great. I can never get a tie to tie right. Nice job." Jasper sucks down a home-made protein shake and slaps me on my back. He's wearing sweats and a Titans sweatshirt. His hair is getting long, the curls brushing his neck in thick ringlets. Handsome fucker.

"Thanks, dad."

"So where are you taking my little girl, anyway?"

"Haha. Nice try, Jazz, but it ain't gonna happen. You're worse than a girl. You'll be texting her in two seconds flat if I tell you that shit."

"Ahh, you got me there," Jasper laughs, holding out my Kenneth Cole dress shoes sparkling like mirrors. "Here. I managed to get the scuffs out with the polish I use on mine. Shined 'em up real good."

"Shit, man. You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to. I see what you're trying to do with Bella. _For_ her, I mean. You're standing by your word, like you said you would, and there's nothing more important than that. A real man is only as good as his word. If he can't stand by _that_, he'll never stand by anything."

Coming from one of Bella's dearest friends, it means the world to me to hear Jasper say that and I try not to get choked up like a pussy. Instead I smile from ear to ear and take a deep, cleansing breath. The clock on the wall says seven exactly and it's dark on the streets of New York. Jasper helps me slide on my charcoal gray suit jacket and I pull the cuffs out past my wrists. I check myself out in the full length mirror in his bedroom and adjust my collar at my neck and belt buckle at my waist. My stomach's in knots and full of butterflies as I picture how perfect Bella and I are going to look sitting next to each other. We fit together in every way possible. Physically, emotionally, even spiritually - if I believed in that crap.

**

The cab pulls up in front of Bella's building and I tell the driver to idle at the curb. Looking into the passenger side window I straighten my tie and comb my fingers through my hair in a last ditch attempt to make it do something. No such luck. It's trademark Cullen hair, that's for sure. Stubborn fucking mind of its own.

I ascend the dingy staircase, grateful that Bella lives on the first floor because I'm not sure my knees will take me up another flight. I've never been so nervous to see a girl in my entire life. It's like a blind date, only worse. At least a blind date gives you the option of letting yourself believe that the person on the other side of the door could be a troll or a hunchback, a mute or a tranny; someone with a fifth grade education or Tourette's. But I _know_ what awaits me. I know her scent and the taste of her skin, the bend of her knee as I arch it over my head, the way her voice turns raspy when she's horny. I knock once, twice - the Cartier watch my father gave me on my eighteenth birthday twinkling in the dim light of the hallway. Footsteps approach and I suck in a deep breath as the knob turns.

She appears in an instant and I'm hot and cold at the same time. I feel my jaw drop and a squeak-like grunt escapes my throat. She's standing before me in the same knee-length navy dress I tore from her body after she had the nerve to try it on and parade around in it in front of me. It has a deep V-neck that plunges into her modest, but fucking ample and sexy-as-hell cleavage and an equally deep V in the back, exposing her sharp angel wings. Her tattoos lace across her white skin, marking her flesh with their intricate designs, turning her body into a complete and glorious work of art on all levels. Her hair is down, the jagged pieces of her funky cut just brushing her shoulders, and it's longer in the back than I remember. She wears her hair pulled back so often it's such a pleasant surprise to see it down, to marvel at how perfectly it frames her heart-shaped face. It's twirled and pinned up at one side with a few wisps angled against her cheek and she's nervously tucking the other side behind her ear. It's shiny and clean like a freshly waxed Porsche and I smell her shampoo from where I'm standing, about two feet away, strawberries and sweet tea. I reach my hand out to touch her. I cup her cheek and she nuzzles into my palm.

_Goddamn,_ I mutter under my breath, overwhelmed with the sudden and intense desire to scrap the entire plan for the evening and drag her into the bedroom where I would make long, hard, passionate love to her all through the night.

I push the thought from my mind. _Down, boy. Later_.

"Good evening, Isabella," I manage to croak out in the sexiest voice I can muster.

"Good evening, Edward." Her voice sings to me. She looks me up and down, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and sucking on it discreetly.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

She smiles and nods, grabbing her coat and locking the door behind her. I extend my arm and she slips her warm hand in the crook of my elbow as we walk down the stairs. She's extra careful with each step and I notice that she's wearing strappy black high heels. My cock twitches in my pants as my eyes fall to her feet and follow up her bare calves. _Those must be Alice's._ I stop at the juncture where her legs end and the hem of her dress begins and I imagine what kind of panties she's wearing, if she's wearing any at all _Fuck._ _I'm never going to make it through the night without running to a bathroom to jerk off._

Even in heels she only comes up to my chest. I squeeze her hand and tell her not to worry. I won't let her fall.

"You look incredibly beautiful tonight, Isabella. Thank you for agreeing to go out with me. It's an honor to be in your company," I murmur into her hair as I open the door that leads to the street.

"You look very handsome yourself, Edward" she blushes, her eyes running laps all over my body, setting fire to my skin and I'm so hard it hurts. I squirm and adjust my dick into a more comfortable upright position in my pants without her noticing.

"Thank you. That means everything coming from you," I utter breathlessly, opening the door to the cab that's waiting for us.

"Where are we going?" she asks curiously as I hand the driver a note with the address.

I smile and press my lips against hers, hoping that kissing for the entire duration of the ride will fend off any further questions.

**

I escort Bella to our table situated directly in front of the stage and pull out her chair, motioning for her to sit. She smoothes her dress under her ass and sits down daintily, placing her small clutch on her lap. Goddamn it. My girl can be a _lady_. She looks at me lovingly through her thick black, lightly mascaraed lashes (yes I noticed even that), her chocolate eyes gazing lustfully into my own. Her make-up is startlingly minimal. Her eyes, usually coated in heavy charcoal shadow and dark liner, like a gothic vixen, are wiped nearly clean, just the faintest hint of liner on her bottom lid. Her plump lips are coated in a light mauve gloss and her cheeks are pink, but that's her natural blush. I'd know it anywhere.

I take her hand and press my lips to the delicate row of knuckles, sticking out the tip of my tongue to lick in between each web, savoring the peach flavoring of her hand lotion.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment, my love," I bow courteously.

"What? Why? Where are you going?" Her grip on my hand strengthens as I attempt to pull away.

"Patience, darling. All will be revealed."

A well-dressed waiter approaches us and politely interrupts. "Mr. Cullen?" he smiles. I nod in the affirmative.

"Sir." His eyes fall on Bella and his mouth drops open. I chuckle under my breath. _Yep. I had the same reaction too, buddy. _"Miss Swan?" he stutters.

"Indeed," I answer proudly. He places a bottle of red and two glasses in the center of the table. "Thank you, Jeremy. Please take care of the beautiful Miss Swan in my _brief_ absence. Bring her whatever she asks for."

I turn to Bella and kiss her hand again before returning it to her lap "Enjoy the wine."

"Uh. ...Okayyy," she obeys with kitten curiosity and I have to hold myself back from taking a knee right there and asking her to be mine forever.

**BPOV**

Jeremy pushes my chair in and uncorks the bottle of wine with ease. He pours a bit in my glass and waits while I taste it and nod. "It's good," I smile." He fills my glass halfway.

"Shall I pour some for Mr. Cullen?"

"Um, ….I _guess_?" I shrug with genuine uncertainty. "Where'd he go?"

"I don't have that information, Miss Swan," Jeremy answers, a wry grin spreading across his cherubic face. "Mr. Cullen kept it from me on purpose, knowing that I wouldn't be able to resist your charm if you were to ask me. …He was certainly right about that."

"You're too kind," I answer. "Yes, you can pour some for…for _Mister_ Cullen." I stutter over the name. Calling Edward _Mr. Cullen_ sets fire to my loins and causes my heart to race and my palms to sweat. It's so..._professional_ and sexy to hear him being referred to in that way.

The lights dim and Jeremy has suddenly disappeared, leaving me alone at the small table pushed flush to the stage. I'm out of my element in this place with its ornate light fixtures and plush-covered walls, yet at the same time I feel like I fit in here. The elevator music that I hadn't even realized was playing fades and I glance over my shoulder, surprised to find that the room has filled to capacity behind me. All the tables are taken and people are standing in the back against the wall with their coats still on.

A slight young man takes the stage and for a moment I think I recognize his face. He can't be more than nineteen with a sallow complexion and sandy blond hair. He carries a polished violin and draws a bow from the open case on the floor. Tucking the instrument under his chin, he bounces the bow off the strings and murmurs into the microphone.

"Hello. My name is Raymond Barnes."

That's when it dawns on me. _Raymond_…the violinist from the Kimmel Center who played brilliantly while I rested my head on Edward's strong shoulder.

**

_"It's Paganini," Edward whispers in awe, never taking his eyes off Raymond's face. _

"_Caprice No. 24 in A minor. Very advanced. I underestimated him ...Beautiful."_

_**_

"The piece I'm going to play is Bach's Chaconne for Solo Violin...um..."

I can't take my eyes off him. He's dressed in a ribbed black sweater pushed up to his elbows and a pair of heavy denim slacks. His most startling features are his eyes. They're not beautiful, like Edward's. Edward's eyes are magical, straight out of a fairytale. Raymond's are the opposite - clear gray and frightening in their lightness, like the color of the sky after a storm.

"Hello, Bella."

I lurch my head in the direction of my name to find Raymond looking down at me. He's not smiling and my skin prickles under his gaze. I give him a crooked smile and sit up straight to let him know he has my undivided attention. He seems to comprehend the gesture and the corner of his mouth twitches. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nostrils as he attacks the first few notes of the piece.

For a solid fifteen minutes Raymond holds the attention of the room on the head of a pin, our eyes following each calculated movement of the bow over the strings, each pluck of Raymond's meticulous fingertips. My eyes dart behind him and search the shadows for Edward. I want him near me, I want him to listen to this with me. Where is he? Where has he gone? I don't want him to miss this. Edward loved Raymond's playing, he was in awe of it, wouldn't stop going on about it for days after we'd heard him.

I want to get up and look for him but the music has me pinned to my seat. I don't want to miss a note. I want to know how it ends so I can tell Edward all about it. I look for Jeremy. I hope he's not in the kitchen or too busy serving customers to enjoy this. It's enchanting. It'd be the best beginning to the best date ever if only Edward were with me!

Where _is _he?!

I'm starting to get more frantic with each passing second that the music continues but Edward doesn't appear. That's it. I'm getting up. I'm about to when Raymond stops playing and the audience erupts in applause. I clap fervently, my eyes shining and a giant grin on my face. He bows politely and looks down at me. I swear he winked at me! But maybe it was just the spotlight.

I let out a deep sigh and start to wonder again about Edward. Turning all the way around in my chair I scan the crowd for familiar faces that could rival Edward's beauty. How stupid of me to thank that's possible. Everyone's chattering amongst themselves as they wait for the next act to take the stage. I saw the list of tonight's performers on the board as we walked in...Someone called Josh Ritter was headlining the evening, but I'd be lying if I said I knew his music.

The houselights lower again and a dorky dude with Buddy Holly glasses asks for our attention.

"Thanks everyone for coming out to Joe's Pub tonight to support up and coming artists in the New York area. ...That was Raymond Barnes..." the crowd applause cuts off his sentence and he raises his voice to be heard. "…from NYU by way of Jersey City. We're honored to have him play for us. He's a spectacular performer with a bright future. Speaking of spectacular, we have an unexpected addition to tonight's bill. Word of mouth does wonders in this town and from what I hear, you won't be disappointed by this next artist. …Please welcome singer songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, Edward Cullen."

The audience claps to a name unfamiliar to everyone in the room but me and when Edward appears on stage the applause increases and squeals bubble up from all corners of the room. He's squinting as his eyes adjust to the bright lights and I know he's searching for my face in the darkness.

He sits at the piano and leans into the microphone. "Thanks, Eric, for letting me call in a favor tonight," he grins sheepishly at Eric offstage and puts his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes. "Hey everyone. …I'm, uh, I'm actually on a _date_ tonight." There are more hoots and hollers and Edward smiles down at the piano keys. My palms are pressed to my thighs in anticipation. He looks so dapper and fucking handsome in his tailored suit and slight stubble. The lights play and glitter and dance off his copper hair.

"I wanted to take this opportunity to play a few songs for the beautiful woman I am lucky to be with tonight, and hopefully for the rest of my nights. The first song is one I heard in a cab just the other day on my way to get her back…long story…and it stuck with me. It's exactly how I feel about my girl. I wish I had the way with words that she does…and I wish I could find similar words to tell her how much she means to me. but I'm going to use someone else's and then hope that mine are adequate enough to follow."

Tears threaten to stream down my face as I try to comprehend what Edward's saying to the roomful of people. I can hear mutters and rustlings as people turn in their seats to look for this girl who's brought out such devotion from the god-like creature onstage.

"I've never played this song before," Edward continues. "A friend of mine has the CD and I listened to it about twenty times today, trying like hell to memorize the music and words."

There's muffled laughter and I warm my chilled arms with the palms of my hands.

He clears his throat and the room goes silent. "Here goes. I hope I get it right."

There's no sheet music on the piano. He wasn't lying about playing it all from memory.

"...I love you, Bella."

He leans into the mike again and closes his eyes.

_She's got a way about her  
I don't know what it is  
But I know that I can't live without her  
She's got a way of pleasin'  
I don't know why it is  
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere_

_She's got a smile that heals me  
I don't know what it is  
But I have to laugh when she reveals me  
She's got a way of talkin'  
I don't know why it is  
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere_

_She comes to me when I'm feelin' down  
Inspires me without a sound  
She touches me and I get turned around  
She's got a way of showin'  
How I make her feel  
And I find the strength to keep on goin'  
She's got a light around her  
And ev'rywhere she goes a million  
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere_

_She's got a smile that heals me  
I don't know why it is  
But I have to laugh when she reveals me  
She's got a way about her  
I don't know what it is_

Edward turns and sings the last line directly into the audience abyss, hoping that I haven't somehow gone deaf during the course of the song, as if this line were more important than any of the rest.

_  
But I know that I can't live without her any way _

"Here, Miss Swan," I hear Jeremy in my ear and turn to find him crouched next to me as the last note fades away. He holds out an embroidered handkerchief. I take it slowly from his hand and smile. He smiles back and stands up to join in the clapping. I dab at my eyes and then remember that I should clap too.

**EPOV**

My hands shook as I willed my memory not to fail me. People often tell me I have a photographic memory. I've always played it down as merely a heightened ability to capture and retain information. Even though I can repeat a piece of music, no matter how difficult, after only a few listens, I've rarely played piano and sang at the same time. The compositions I studied and practiced as a child were classical pieces that required every ounce of concentration and hand-eye coordination I could muster. I'd never attempted what could be classified as "pop music" let alone anything by the "Piano man".

I think it sounded ok. I didn't make any mistakes and I got all the words right and when I swiveled on the bench to nod thank you, I saw the glimmer of Bella's tiny blue dress. I stood up and strode across the stage quickly to get to her. I bent down at the edge and balanced my weight on one knee so I could take both of her hands in mine. They were shaking and she was crying.

"Baby, don't cry." I whispered, bringing her hands to my lips and moving them across the tips of her fingers.

"No it's ok. I want to. I'm happy," she smiled proudly.

"Oh," I blushed. "Alright then. This next one is for you, too. The only difference is I wrote it."

Returning to the piano I sat down and introduced the song as one I had written one lonely late night in Forks, Washington.

I left out the part about how the night was yet another in a blurry string of nights that ended with my sister Rosalie picking me up from my perpetual landing place on the front porch and watching helplessly as I crawled up the staircase on my hands and knees, feeling my way in the dark to the comforting recesses of my bedroom.

Rosalie followed and groaned in an unsuccessful attempt to hurl me onto the bed. I laughed and shifted my hips to the center of the mattress.

"Take your clothes off, Edward. And get in the shower."

"My sister is _not_ supposed to say things like that to her drunken sex-starved brother."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Maybe you should rub one out while you're in there."

"Ha. Maybe," I belched, rolling onto my side and tucking into the fetal position. "Ro?"

"Hmm?" she sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed my sweaty hair from my forehead. Our mother was probably passed out in the house somewhere. Rosalie would look for her later following the trail of red wine.

"Can you come back to check on me in about an hour?" It sounded pitiful but she knew what I meant.

She'd go to her room, shower, change into her pajamas, and go downstaits to put the kettle on. There'd she'd find our mother passed out on the couch in the den or on the couch in the library or on the one in the living room, some room, and she'd help her into bed like she did me. She'd clean the kitchen and eventually make her way back to my room with two cups of chamomile tea.

"Sure, Eddy. I'll tell our mother you love her." She smirked and ruffled my hair.

"You do that," I groaned at the headache waiting for me.

"Have fun in the shower."

I laughed into one of the far too many pillows that somehow ended up on my bed after the cleaning lady had been through.

"I'll definitely do that."

She closed the door with a wink and I rolled off the bed and into a standing position far too fast, a wave of nausea whipping through me and then passing. I sat down again and took my guitar out of its case. I began strumming a tune that came to me in Denny's car moments earlier as he dropped my drunk ass off at the end of the driveway.

I needed a pen and a piece of paper. Digging under the bed I pulled out an old calculus notebook filled with equations and scribbles and musings. I flipped it to the back cover and grabbed a pen off the dresser. I sat Indian style in the middle of my bed and wrote the lines that had come to me that night after the sixth shot of Jager and another failed attempt at calling Bella.

_We can use all the help we can _

_So many minor chords outside_

I crossed the lines out and started again, only to find myself writing the same words. I shook my head at my insecurity and kept going.

_I fell in love with your sound _

_Oh I love to sing along with you_

(Her breathless whisper in my ear as I held her on the balcony. _...See? You're doing it again. You make me weak.)_

_Last night there was a horse in the road_

_I was twisting in the hairpin_

I laughed, knowing none of this would make sense in the morning.

_My hands held on, my mind let go _

_And back to you my heart went skipping_

_I found the inside of the road _

_Thought about the first time that I met you _

(The fury in her voice as she shrieked at me..._Watch where you're going you fucking lunatic!!_ The rage in her eyes as she lay crumpled on the sidewalk. It made my dick hard just thinking about her stunning face snarled up like a pissed off kitten, half scared and baring its stubby claws. I sketched out a basic chord structure to go along with the words. _...I laugh when I'm happy. What do you do? _She smiled at me, _I think about you and it makes me happy_.)

_All those glances that we stole _

_Sometimes if you want them then you've got to_

I hummed the melody as I wrote. Reliving the memories was like having her here, sitting on my bed next to me laughing over old times both good and bad. (..._I came out here to be with her, but I found you instead_.)

_Babe we both had dry spells, Hard times in bad lands_

_I'm a good man for ya _

_I'm a good man_

**

I wave awkwardly with one hand, holding my guitar in the other. "Thank you for listening to me and thanks to Joe's Pub for the support…" Eric joins me on stage and wraps me in a quick bro-hug.

We walk offstage together and I loosen my tie. "Thanks again, Eric."

"Thank my sister, dude. I've never heard of you, but you're welcome back any time. ...That song was sick. You got more?"

"Yeah tons. Most of 'em are old, but I've started writing again recently. It just sorta happened."

"Uh huh. Wouldn't have anything to do with a girl named, _Bella_, did you say?" Eric crosses his arms and gives me a fake look of confusion.

"Ha ha. Yeah I guess it does." He can tell I'm itching to get back to the table and join my date.

"Well she sounds like a keeper. You don't dedicate Billy to just anyone. That's sacred territory," he slaps me on the back again. Invading personal space must run in the family. "Alright, man, you take care. And I mean it, get songs together, put that shit on a demo and make it happen. Call me." He jumps back on stage to intro the next act and I duck around the corner and through the curtain.

I can see Bella looking over her shoulders with anxious worry on her face. She wants to see me and I can't get to her fast enough. People and tables and waiters and trays are blocking my way and it's like being in a video game that I suck at playing.

Finally I reach the table and come up behind her without notice. I slide my hands up the back of her arms from elbow to shoulder and across the length of her porcelain skin to her long neck. Her chest rises as she sucks in a staggered breath under my touch. Her arms bend back and she puts her hands over mine. I lean forward and find her lips.

"Mmm, did you miss me?" I tumble the words into her mouth.

"You have no idea," she moans, pulling my arms around her in a backwards hug. "You were amazing up there."

"That's not the only place I can be amazing, y'know." I slip her some quick porno tongue before pulling up a chair.

"Oh, believe me, I know." She sticks her index finger innocently into her mouth and runs the underside of it over the tiny ball of the barbell stuck through the center of her tongue. In that moment it's the sexiest innuendo I've ever seen and I suddenly wish more than life itself that this place had a back room. Because if it did her pretty dress would be in shreds and I'd be so far inside her it'd take a road map to get me out.

"Are you..._toying_ with me?"

She sucks on the tip of her finger just long enough to further the strain of my massive erection against the extremely expensive fabric of my suit pants, and then changes the subject.

"Did you mean what you said in the park this afternoon?"

I mull the question over and pour us both some wine. "And what was that? When I said I loved you or that I wanted to pummel Jacob Black and his brothers into the pavement? Because both are true."

"Neither," she rolls her eyes. "The part where you called me your girlfriend."

I chuckle and clink my wine glass to hers, taking a long sip. "Of course I did, Bella. I want you to be mine, _only_ mine. I've never wanted anything more. I know we still have a lot to learn about each other and we should have started long ago, but none of that matters now. Maybe learning the bad things first, the ugly stuff that people usually save for last because they're too scared to share it, was the best thing we could have done. Because now the _fun_ begins. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. All those ugly memories, I want to replace _all_ of them with _my_ face, _my_ touch, _my_ lips on yours."

She doesn't say a word, she doesn't move and I'm figuring she's about to call my bluff and bring up something shitty that I've done and then I'm going to say something stupid and the night will be ruined, but all of a sudden I feel the toe of her shoe creep up my calf.

I look at her through the tops of my eyes and the corner of her lip is wedged in between her teeth.

"Bella?"

"Can we please get out of here?"

"But...we have dinner coming."

"Are you going back on?" she motions her head in the direction of the stage.

"Well, no, but…I thought you might like to listen to the other…"

"Are _you_ going to be doing anything else here tonight other than sitting next to me looking gorgeous?"

I laugh and push my hand through my hair. Damn I never knew a girl who could make me blush with just a few words.

"_No_, I haven't arranged for anything else this evening. I'm sorry if that disappoints you...."

"Then there's no reason why we can't be doing this exact same thing back at my apartment. _Alone_. Without interruption. Am I correct?" Her eyes widen and sparkle with lust and it finally dawns on me. _Edward you idiot. Take her out of here_. I push my chair out and reach for her hand.

"Absolutely," I grin.

**BPOV**

I don't remember the cab ride back to my apartment. I don't even remember if we fucking even took a cab. All I know is that I wanted him and I didn't care what it took to get me to a place where I could have him naked and inside me. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, however long it took was too long and by the time we crashed through the front door and into the living room I was gagging for it. I was like a she-wolf, ravenous for his taste and touch, crushing our lips together I couldn't get enough of his tangy saliva in my mouth, every time he tried to pull his tongue out to take a breath I sucked it back in clawing at the back of his head with his hair clenched between my fingers. Our clothes were flung to the floor piece by piece as we staggered and tripped our way into the bedroom. He was done with mine in two seconds flat, one serious tug of his hand down my zipper in the back and my dress tore right in two. He flung it on the kitchen table as we passed by and groaned in ecstasy at the sight of nothing but my bare breasts and black lace thong underneath.

He wasn't as easy to get undressed. "Too many layers," I whined, accidentally choking him as I tried pulling his tie over his head.

"Easy, tiger," he chuckled, removing my hands from around his neck. He kissed my right hand, then my left and put them at my sides. I whined as he took his time untucking his shirt from his pants and slowly unbuttoning each button with those long nimble fingers. Goddamn he was good. He knew exactly what to do to drive me out of my fucking mind. I wanted those fingers, in my mouth, in my pussy, I didn't care, I couldn't fucking wait any more. I was chewing my lip bloody, I could taste the iron. He cocked a clever eyebrow at me and that was it. I let out a squeal and lunged at him, throwing myself in his arms he caught me with an _ooomph_ and stumbled backwards onto the bed.

I crawled up his body until I was straddling him just below his waist. He ran his hands over my hips and grabbed at the swell of my ass.

"Enough teasing," I panted, unbuckling his belt and undoing his zipper while he crossed his arms under his head and watched me in amusement. "I want you, Edward...now. No more waiting." He lifted his ass and helped me pull off his pants and underwear. His glorious cock bobbed and swayed in front of me, semen glistening on its tip. I ran my hands up his thighs and clasped them together around his shaft.

"Bella..._fuck_..." he hissed, arching his hips and shoving his cock into the back of my throat. I stifled my gag reflex and took him in all the way to the base, inhaling the musty scent of his pubic hair. Moaning and humming I sucked up and down his length, grazing my teeth over his tender swollen tip.

"My...fucking god," Edward groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes and fisting the sheet with his free hand. "I'm gonna cum if you don't...ease...up...shit..."

I grinned into the soft, tender skin of his cock and inhaled, palming his balls and sucking hard and fast, once, twice, and he bucked and exploded, calling out my name as he rode his orgasm and I drank down every last drop. I rested my chin on his chest while he caught his breath, gazing up into his beautifully contorted face, knowing that it was all thanks to me.

"Jesus God, Bella. That was _amazing_." He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me up his muscled torso. I nestled my head into the crook of his neck. He played his fingers through my hair, flinging out bobby pins here and there and I listened to the music of his heartbeat.

"So good," he murmured. His hands started wandering over my skin and I knew he was ready again. He rolled me onto my back, caging me between his arms. His damp hair fell forward and brushed lightly across my forehead. I dragged my fingernails in circular patterns across the lines of muscles in his back and watched his eyes roll back in his head.

He shifted his hips and I spread my legs so he could nestle inside, positioning his head at my entrance.

"You've soaked right through your thong," he noticed, dipping a finger underneath the fabric and running it along my slit. "Fuck. You're so wet."

I nodded. "I want you, Edward. Please. _Please_," I begged. "_Fuck me_."

His eyes blackened with need and in an instant he ripped the skimpy piece of lingerie from my flesh and brought it to his nose. "Delicious," he murmured under his breath. "I think I might need a taste of the real thing." He pushed my knees apart and kissed a lazy trail from my belly button down until he reached the top of my folds. He licked a flat line up the middle, lapping at the juices that were seeping out before pushing his tongue through my slit to find my clit. He sucked hungrily and blew warm gusts of his breath across the trails of saliva causing me to squirm and writhe underneath his weight.

"Oh god...Edward...pleeeease," I pleaded. I was about to come and he could tell. I was shuddering, whimpering for him, and he lifted his mouth away. Before I could whine at the loss of contact he had shifted his body and thrusted inside me. I cried out at the sudden sensation of his hard cock filling me and I came hard and fast. He stayed still, rocking rhythmically as I convulsed around him. Once I calmed he slowly resumed his thrusts, picking up speed gradually until he was fucking me hard, lifting my left leg and bending it to rest on his shoulder. I arched my back to give him even deeper access.

"Yes...Edward.......more...harder," I repeated, clenching my walls around his cock. He kissed me gently on my lips and down my neck to my breasts. He sucked and licked my nipples and I moaned out his name. "god that feels so fucking good...."

"Never better," he uttered, digging his forehead into my shoulder as he pumped in and out of me. He placed baby kisses along my collarbone to counteract the sweaty sex we were having, his way of telling me that underneath the tiger he was still a pussycat at my feet.

"I know, Edward, I know," I placed my lips to his sweaty temple. He grunted and pushed down on my hip, pulling out and then thrusting in deep with a strangled moan filled with curses and my name. Suddenly I was in the air, his cock still in me, and I was on top of him, filled completely, his hands kneading my breasts and following the outline of my shape down my sides, he gripped me by my hips and moved me up and down on his pulsing length.

"Move on me, Bella. I want to watch you fuck me," he said through pursed lips. The need in his voice made my knees tremble as I grinded down on him with all my might. "Yes, my god, just like that. dear god you feel so fucking good, so tight."

My head fell back as I let the motions of our bodies moving as one overtake me. Fucking Edward was so easy. It was natural and right, like two pieces of a puzzle finally being joined together. He belonged inside me and I was meant to surround him and only him.

His hands caressed their way over my flesh and I pressed my palms down on his concave stomach as I rode him. "Ahhhh, baby, I'm almost there," I moaned, licking my dry, cracked lips.

He growled low and guttural, nodding his head and I knew he was close too. "Tell me. Tell me you love me. ...Say it." his eyes were shaking and his lips were parted as he fended off his impending orgasm.

I leaned onto his chest, taking his cock with me and kissed the beads of sweat from his top lip. "Edward Anthony Cullen," I whispered. "I. love. you."

He smiled widely and let out a deep breath, nodding, his eyes fluttering closed and his body stiffened underneath me. "Yes, yes, come, Edward, come inside me," I chanted. I felt warm liquid filling me as Edward kept thrusting up, emptying himself until he was spent and the sensation of his seed sliding out of me and pooling between our legs sent another wave of orgasm sizzling through me and I couldn't sit upright any longer. I collapsed on top of him, our hearts racing.

He wrapped his arms around me and slid me across his sweat-dappled skin until I was nestled flush against his side. I traced a circle around his nipple with the tip of my finger and lazily wrote my name over and over again in messy script through his damp chest hairs. Finally our breathing slowed and our heartbeats returned to normal. A wave of intense sleepiness washed over me and I felt my eyelids grow heavy. I was about to drift off when I heard Edward's voice crack faintly.

"Bella?"

"Mm?" I answered, snuggling deeper into his hold.

He didn't answer.

I looked up at him curiously. "Edward what is it?" His forehead was creased, with worry? Concern? Fear? He had a far off glassy look and he was stroking my arm robotically. I wrestled out of his grasp and sat up, pulling the sheet up to my chest. "Edward, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" His eyes flickered at me and brightened.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong," he smiled.

"Oh........ ok." I chewed my lip. "um...Are you sure?"

He laughed and placed his hands on either side of my face. "Yes. I'm sure. Bella, nothing's wrong. It's just that I'm in love with you," he shrugged. "That's all."

"Oh." I snuggled into the warmth of his body, ready to leave it at that, but then quickly pulled away again. "..._Huh?_?"

He laughed out loud and flipped me on my back, pinning my wrists above my head and pressing his new erection into my stomach.

"I _said_, I'm in love with you. ...I've never said that to anyone. I've never even said that out loud to myself. I've never had too. Because I've never _been_ in love before," he sighed. "It's a fucking _great_ feeling, trust me." He smiled bright and kissed me deeply, so deeply that I melted and moaned and shook. When he let me up for air I had forgotten how to breath so I said the firs thing that came to my oxygen-deprived mind.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to move in with me."

* * *

**I've been terribly lax at keeping my profile updated, so here's props to Billy Joel and Josh Ritter for their lyrical wisdom and inspiration in this chapter xoxo**


	33. Absence makes

**EPOV**

"Mmm," I moaned into Bella's sweet buttery tongue and open mouthed-kiss. I could feel the bulge in my boxers swell and harden as my hands felt their way up her sides. "My mouth probably tastes like a dozen stale cigarettes," I grimaced, pulling back.

I'm sure I'd had at least that many over the course of last night.

And what a fucking awesome night it was.

Bella made veggie fajitas and rice and I made my specialty Cuervo margaritas. Alice and Jasper came over and we ate and drank and laughed and watched bad late night television. They left around 1am and Bella and I took the after-party into the bedroom. It was the night before Thanksgiving and I had a flight to catch in the morning, which meant we had a lot of lovin' to stock up on.

The second our goodbye's were said and the front door was closed and latched, I lifted Bella in my arms and ran her into the bedroom, hurdling over any obstacle in my path. She giggled into my neck and hung on. I laid her down on the bed and started off slow and careful, caressing her body while she writhed and moaned underneath me, nuzzling into her neck while we pulled off each other's clothes, licking kisses over her throat and breasts as I gently fingered her, then gradually increasing our pace as we became frantic with an all-consuming need; like addicts who couldn't handle the first taste, like bettors who pushed all in after the river. We needed to _get there_. I withdrew my fingers from her wetness and she released her grip on my erection. I thrusted into her with such drive and lust that every whimper and groan that escaped her lips, breathlessly telling me over and over to never stop fucking her, spurned me on and I gave myself over to her completely. I unleashed everything I had, unable to hold back. It scared me to be so gone for someone but it was exhilarating at the same time to finally possess what I so desperately ached for.

I officially moved in with Bella a little over a week ago. Not that there was much for me to move in. I had two suitcases, a bookbag, and my guitar; a pitiful accumulation of belongings for a twenty-three year old man. She made space for me in her dresser drawers and gave me a shelf of my own in the bathroom, she hung my coat up next to hers and put my books in their own piles on the bookcase. Just seeing my shoes flung next to hers by the front door made me so fucking happy.

Things were going to be ok, I knew it.

I put my hand over my mouth to shield her from my morning breath. She rolled her eyes and pulled it away and crawled onto my lap.

"Don't you dare hide those immaculate, pleasure-giving lips from me, pal," she purred.

I chuckled and leaned against the headboard with her legs wrapped around my waist and my hands on her round ass. She pushed her crotch against the growing erection in my boxers and I let out a groan. I fondled her tits through her flimsy tank top and kissed her full on her soft, lush lips.

"Mm, you taste good. Minty fresh," I mumbled, suckling on her tongue.

"I've been up for an hour. ...Watching you sleep. It's a beautiful sight."

"You should have woken me up. I'd much rather be with you than be asleep."

It was meant to be a compliment but her smile turned sad and her head dropped to my bare chest. I lifted her chin and gazed into her deep brown eyes. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she smiled weakly. "I'm going to miss you, that's all."

"You can still come with me. Whatever it costs, I'll get you on that flight." I smoothed her hair back and kissed her neck.

"No really, Edward," she squirmed under my touch. "You go. You need to be with your family. I'll stay here and cook for Emmett," she giggled, running her nails over my shoulders. "He doesn't have any family in New York and Jasper will be with Alice. He shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving. It's too sad. We'll bond and maybe he'll give me a raise."

I sighed and nuzzled into her neck, sliding my hands under her tank and rubbing my palms over her hardening nipples. Her fingers wove through the back of my hair and I could feel her getting wet through the thin fabric of her skimpy short-shorts. I pulled at her waistband and dipped my fingers between her velvet folds. She bit her lip and whispered _fuck_ softly. That's all it took. I flipped her on her back in one fluid motion. She clasped her ankles at my waist and used her heels to push down my boxers. I stripped her of her tank and shorts and settled in between her legs. Her body trembled underneath mine and I didn't keep her waiting. I pushed inside her with a sharp hiss and we began to move as one.

**BPOV**

I stayed in New York with Emmett while Edward went to Forks for Thanksgiving. Jasper was spending the holiday with Alice's family in Greenwich and it was the closest I had ever seen Jasper to appearing nervous at the thought of doing something unknown. But I knew he'd do great. Alice's family would love him as much as Alice did.

During those few days he was gone, I missed Edward more than I knew physically possible. I tried not to associate his absence with what it did to me the last time he left. I reminded myself that this time was different. He needed to get back to check on the health of his family, a concern that continuously furrowed his brow when he thought no one was looking. He begged me to join him but each phone call to his mother and sister seemed to take more out of him and I insisted that he take the time to be with them without worrying about dragging me along for the ride. He put on a face on that indicated he was not happy about it one bit but he'd run out of time to argue. His cab had arrived to take him to the airport and I cried silently as I watched him disappear into afternoon traffic, the tingle of his lips still fresh on my face as he traveled them over my cheeks and eyelids murmuring how much he loved me even though he was "pissed as fuck" that I wasn't coming with him.

"I'll be waiting for you in this very spot when you come home," I said, emphasizing the word _home_, and running my tongue over his bottom lip in a desperate attempt to get as much of his taste in my mouth as I could before he left.

"I'll call you when I land." He held my face in his hands and I was once again taken aback by his astounding beauty, his stunning features and how they were mine and only mine to look at and to touch whenever I wanted. He kissed me passionately, our tongues combining, and I threw myself into his arms.

"I love you," I whimpered into his shoulder. "Goodbye."

He shook his head and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Don't say that, Bella. It's not goodbye. I'm coming back. ....I'll always come back for you. For the rest of my life, no matter where I am, I will always be yours."

**

Emmett dunked his serving spoon into the bowl of mashed sweet potatoes and plopped another helping on his plate. We'd pretty much had the most fun ever cooking up our Thanksgiving dinner for two. There was barely enough room for Em and I to even move if we were both in my kitchen at the same time. I thought it was tight with me and Edward (of course Edward was bending me over the stove and taking me from behind at the time) but it was impossible with Emmett. He was a former linebacker for shit sake.

After bumping into each other for the last time, I demoted him to clearing off and setting my tiny kitchen table; which meant there weren't enough spoons and too many knives when it came time to serve _and_ he had dropped the package of napkins all over the floor trying to open it. But he bought three bottles of wine and a 12-pack of beer – better than anything we served at the club, which meant he went shopping, _and_ he surprised me with a dozen vegan red velvet cupcakes. _Plus_ he was putting up with eating a Tofurky. He scored major points.

I made cranberry apple potato dumplings, wild rice, whole wheat bread crumb stuffing, and millions of veggies. It was enough food for a small army. Or enough for me and Emmett McCarty.

"So," Emmett chomped. "What's with the alternative vegetarian lifestyle, Bells? Have you become one of these trendy vegans?"

It was so cute how Em had no idea what he was talking about. He would have gone out and shot a turkey in Central Park if it were up to him.

"Uh. No. ….I dunno," I shrugged. "I just like it. But I'm not strict about it or anything, and I don't push it on people or try to convert them."

"Hey don't get me wrong, it tastes pretty fucking good. I'm shocked. …What does _he_ think about it?"

"He" was how Emmett now referred to Edward, _if_ he referred to him at all.

"You've forgiven him," he added, his disapproval apparent.

Ever since the night Edward showed up at the club looking for me and they had words, Edward had been trying to make amends, but Emmett had been distant each time, shrugging and giving one-word answers, never fully accepting Edward's apology. I think Edward would have preferred Emmett hauling off and punching him in the jaw to his dismissive silent treatment.

I sighed and shoved my fork through the mountain of peas on my plate. I was hoping the dinner conversation wouldn't veer in this direction but I suppose it was inevitable.

"Always," I answered truthfully. "And please don't make me choose, because it's always going to be him. ...I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say."

"It's fine, Bella. I'm not going to start with you on Thanksgiving, don't worry," he said with his mouth full. "But I don't have to like it. _Or_ him."

"That's true. It would mean a lot to me if you did, but I respect your decision."

"I told him I'd seriously impair his life and his ability to take a straight piss if he ever hurt you. I don't like going back on my word."

"You can't protect me from everything, Emmy. But it's cute how you try. …More sweet potatoes?"

"Hell yeah. Those shits are slammin!"

We ate and laughed. I teased him about his wild bachelor ways and his inability to settle down or sit still for more than two seconds.

"What's it going to take?"

"For what?" he belched into his napkin, making room in his belly for more. I poured some wine and handed him the vegetables.

"For you to, I dunno, want something that lasts a little longer than a one night stand?"

"Haven't found anything that takes my breath away. Or even fucking deserves my attention for that matter. Girls in this city are fucking skanks."

"But you like fucking skanks," I joked.

"Exactly." He pointed his fork at me like I'd just discovered the secret of Nimh. "And that suits me just fine. They wanna fuck me, I'm down. They wanna leave when it's over, that's even better. I pay for their cab rides, I'm not that much of a dick. ...Look, Iz, the chicks ain't banging down my door asking me to marry them. ....I manage a bar. They come in with their friends and want free drinks. They wanna give me head in the storage room in exchange, who am I to turn that shit down? Do I feel used? Yeah, maybe a little. But the feeling is mutual. So fuck it. The Alice Brandon's of the world wanna call me an asshole or manwhore or womanizer becuz of it? Fine. You tell me what my other options are. Going home and beating off to Jenna Jameson? Thanks but I'll take the real live bj. "

I shook my head and took our plates to the sink. "You're a catch, Emmy. I don't care what anyone says. One day you'll find the right one."

"What, like you did?" he made a face and pushed out his chair.

"Yeah," I giggled and winked over my shoulder. "If you're lucky."

"Did you talk to your mom today?"

"Yeah, she called earlier. She's in Kansas City with Phil and his family. She sounded really happy. Oh and they're not going back to Phoenix."

"Why not?"

"Phil's a minor league baseball player, so they're moving to Jacksonville at the end of the year."

"Well, that's good, right? At least she'll be on the same coast as you now."

I nodded and forced a smile. As happy as I was to have my mom move closer, it only served to remind me that my relationship with my father had not changed.

A few days before Edward left, he finally told me that he'd met my father at the hospital when he'd come by to visit Dr. Cullen. At first I didn't know how to take it – so I took it bad. A surge of misplaced emotions coursed through me and I wanted to scream and cry and laugh and curse and hit. He said they had gone out for coffee and spent the whole time talking about me. Was that supposed to make me feel good? Because it didn't. All it did was make me wonder why my father was able to spend hours talking to Edward about me but felt it beyond his realm of comprehension to pick up the phone to talk to me himself.

"It's not easy for parents to admit their mistakes, Bella," Edward had told me. "It's even harder for them to confront the living, breathing recipient of those mistakes. Sometimes avoidance and denial are the only ways to function. But I saw it on his face, the strain those mistakes have taken on him. He misses you."

"Yeah well," I had frowned, crossing my arms over my chest defensively and dismissing the conversation. I didn't want to hear that my father missed me. Because it forced me to admit that I missed him too.

**EPOV**

"What's this I hear about you dropping out of law school?" my father grumbled from his resting place on the couch. He looked like fucking Hugh Hefner in his red and black silk pajamas, smoking jacket and leather slippers. His voice was hoarse from the feeding tube that had recently been removed and his cheeks were sunken and drawn from fatigue. He was still on a cocktail of drugs and required daily outpatient care from a variety of nurses and health care workers. Tests were administered daily producing a category of results that made little sense to me. All in all he seemed like the same old bastard he'd always been; a big dog with no teeth.

I sat on the love seat across the room from him and clasped my hands behind my neck, facing him head on.

"If that's what you heard, then that would be correct," I answered.

He didn't move to argue with me. He didn't call me an ungrateful brat or a no good piece of shit. Instead he put his head back and let out a long sigh. We sat in silence, the smells of Thanksgiving dinner wafting in the air around us. Finally he lifted his head and gave me a crooked smirk, the very same one we share.

"I invited Alastair and Victoria to dinner."

I wasn't surprised. Even though I knew he was doing it to try and force me and Victoria back together, my father and hers had been friends for years and he'd been to our house on many occasions before Victoria and I started dating; before I even knew who she was. Her parents divorced when she was three years old and she spent every holiday with her mother growing up, leaving Alastair alone with no family.

"Unfortunately," he continued. "They declined." I smirked a fake "that's too bad" and promptly walked outside to have a cigarette. I usually ignored the "no smoking in the house" rule, but my father hadn't been out of the hospital that long and I wasn't about to start flaunting my devil may care/fuck you dad attitude on Thanksgiving while he was still recovering from open heart surgery.

Rosalie had spent the better part of the day preparing a feast like I'd never seen, while our mother attempted to help by stumbling around with a perpetually full glass of red wine in one hand and the bottle in the other. Over the years Rose had become quite accustomed to taking the reigns when it came to keeping the family in the holiday spirit. She cooked and decorated without having to be asked and somehow managed to remain in the spirit of the season despite having little to no support from the rest of us. Our father did his part by taking out his wallet and leaving her to it and I did my part by tying the tree to the roof of the Hummer and getting on the ladder to hang the star. And, because she liked it and it made her smile, I would play her favorite Christmas carols on the piano for hours while she trimmed the tree and filled out Christmas cards.

I stared up at the star-filled sky and exhaled a winding trail of smoke towards the moon and I thought about Bella. I missed her so fucking much and it had only been a few hours since we last spoke. I called her the second I landed and we talked for the entire cab ride from the airport to my house, but there was already a significant hole growing in my chest with each passing second we were apart.

Bella hadn't mentioned it, but I knew she was concerned about the possibility of Victoria showing up in Forks for Thanksgiving. Neither of us had uttered her name in weeks and I sure as shit wasn't going to be the one to break the silence. The reality was, and I didn't want to say it out loud to Bella even though I'm sure she was well aware, Victoria would never be truly removed from my life. Her family and mine were sewn together too tightly in places to be undone.

I pulled out my phone and decided to send Bella a pervy text. She was probably in a food coma from the amount of grub she would have had to cook to appease Emmett's king-sized appetite, but I hoped she'd still be awake and interested in being sexually harassed via text.

_These turkey breasts are nuthin compared to your luscious tits, hot stuff. I miss you._

I snorted a laugh and stubbed out my cigarette on the sole of my sneaker before heading back inside. My phone buzzed to life as I closed the door behind me and my heart skipped a beat as I flipped it open.

_If tofurky had a cock, it'd be nothing compared to yours. _

_I miss you more._

I laughed out loud and it echoed through the cavernous front hall. My father gave me a sideways glance as he shuffled into the dining room. "Your sister's been calling for you. Dinner is ready."

"Smells delish in here, Rosie," I announced, padding into the kitchen in my bare feet. "You outdid yourself this year." I kissed her on the cheek and peeked over her shoulder at whatever was smelling awesome on the stove. "You're gonna make some lucky asshole a fine wife one of these days. ...Speaking of assholes, has that worthless piece of shit Royce been staying the fuck away from you?"

She swatted at me with the wooden spoon but I backed away in time. "Yes, thanks to the fucking gestapo you have stationed outside my door and following my every footstep."

"I'd hardly give Denny and Newton secret service status but I'm glad to hear they've been doing as they were told."

"I don't need you to have them watching over me, Edward. I can take care of myself."

"Your busted lip and black eye told me different the last time I saw you, sis. Don't bullshit me. That over-gelled greaseball steps out of line even a little and I'll make him disappear permanently." I popped a green bean in my mouth and snapped it between my teeth. "He won't be missed."

"Stoppit," she scolded me. "I can't have you saying things like that."

"Why not? You're my sister."

"You're in love, aren't you? From what you told me the feeling is mutual. Which means you have someone else that needs you now. You have to think about her."

Trust me, that's not a problem.

"Have you told mommy and daddy about her?" She opened the oven and pulled the thermometer out of the turkey. It was ready. She moved aside and I put the oven mitts on and took it out, setting it on the stove.

"Not yet."

"Daddy flipped when he got the call that you dropped out of school. Why didn't you tell him yourself?"

"I was gonna tell him this weekend." It was such a pussy way out. And a lie. I knew my father would have gotten the news through his grapevine of bastard friends well before I came home, but I didn't care. I wasn't in the mood to call in advance just so I could hear his crap about what a fuck-up I was or a loser or whateverthefuck he chose to call me.

"Don't look at me like that, Rosie. I didn't want to fucking go to law school to begin with, and you know that shit."

"You still should have told him."

"Kind of like how you told him you weren't going to grad school?"

"That's different."

"Really? And how exactly?" I hissed as she darted away from me and into the dining room with the casserole dish.

"Not now, _Edward_," she growled through clenched teeth, setting it down in front of our tipsy mother. "Here ya go, mommy. Your favorite. Green bean casserole."

"Oh, just lovely, Rosalie dear," she hiccuped. "Now Edward Anthony, sit down and tell your father and I all about New York."

My dad rolled his eyes. "Yes, Edward. How's The Big Apple treating you?" He raised an eyebrow, another fucking trait of his that I inherited, baiting me with a question he obviously knew the answer to.

"Well, dad," I pulled out a chair and sat down. "Mom," I nodded in their direction at the head of the table. "This might be news to you and it might not, knowing the way gossip travels around this fucking place, but," I cleared my throat. "...Victoria and I broke up. I dropped out of New York Law School. I quit my job at the agency. I've been playing music around the city for free. ...And, most importantly, I moved in with Chief Swan's daughter. ...Bella," I smiled at the sound of her name from my lips.

My mother choked on a mouthful of wine and my father tapped on his plate with the tongs of his fork, decidedly unamused.

"And these are things you're _proud_ of," he scoffed.

"Bella's a really nice girl, daddy," Rosalie interjected. "I've spoken with her on the phone and..."

"They're decisions I've made on my own, dad. And yes, I'm proud of them."

"You throw away a six-year relationship filled with opportunity and potential with a girl like Victoria from one of the most promising families on the west coast, _and_ east for that matter, and move in with Chief Swan's renegade, directionless daughter, and you consider that a well-thought out career move?"

"Career move?! I_ love_ her, dad. ...She loves me. And I didn't need to show her my resume or make a fucking appointment to win her affections. ...Jesus Christ."

"Edward, watch your tone with your father," my mother slurred, dropping turkey slices onto my plate.

"Have another drink, mom," I mumbled under my breath. "She's a college graduate, dad, if that's what you're basing people's worth on these days."

"Is the Chief still subsidizing her housing?" he retorted smugly.

"What the fuck business is it of yours? ...I thought you liked the Chief." I crossed my arms and sat back in my chair, my appetite nonexistent.

"Will you two please stop bickering!" Rosalie whined. "Edward, daddy just got out of the hospital, remember? _Stop_. Daddy, Edward came all the way from New York to spend Thanksgiving with us. _Stop_."

I glared at my beautiful sister, her brow furrowed, her chin quivering, her eyes on the verge of watering, and the bristles on my back went down. I nodded. _Ok, I give_. She smiled and it lit up my world. She handed me the plate of carrots and I piled them on my plate and passed them to my left. My father took them with a resigned sigh. I grabbed the remote to the stereo and hit play. The room flooded with classical music and the tension lifted.

**

"Dinner was awesome, Rosie." I kissed her ear and made her blush. "If you had two seconds of patience I would have done the dishes for you." She was already up to her elbows in suds.

"Don't we have a dishwasher that, like, eliminates the need to do this shit?" I frowned.

"You have to wash the food off them first," she explained.

"Huh? That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, you're a boy. It shouldn't," she laughed. "Now bring me the rest of the plates."

Once dear old dad had passed out on the couch and mommy dearest was passed out...somewhere, Rosie and I sat on the island in the kitchen and ate apple pie straight out of the box in silence like we used to when we were kids.

**BPOV**

Emmett was laid out on the floor in front of the TV and I was sitting on the couch with my notebook in my lap. Dinner had been great, but it would have been even better if Edward had been home. I wasn't looking forward to going to sleep without him. So I probably wouldn't. We hadn't been living together for long but already I was used to having his body next to mine in our bed. I debated calling him many times throughout the night but decided against it each time. I didn't want to be a pest.

My phone started buzzing and I leapt over Emmett without disturbing him to grab it.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby." Edward's voice was liquid sex in my ear and a hot tingle flooded up the back of my neck.

"Hey," I blushed into the phone. Jesus, I was such a sucker for Edward Cullen. He was on the other side of the fucking country and had me blushing with just the sound of his voice. I was pathetic. I could hear Emmett rolling his eyes so I took the call into the bedroom.

"I know it's late, I just needed to hear your voice."

"I'm so glad you called," I smiled. "I was hoping you would." There was rustling on the other end of the line and I wondered if he was in bed, if he was under the sheets or on top of them, what he was wearing, if he was wearing anything at all, if he had his shirt off, if he had showered, if he...

"What are you doing?" his voice knocked me out of my trance and I realized my heart was racing and I was breathing audibly.

"Um, me and Emmett were watching 'It's a Wonderful Life.' It's his favorite movie. Swear to god," I chuckled. "What are you doing?"

"Being bored. And full. ...And horny," he sighed.

I gulped. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." His voice deepened and he drew out the edge of the word with a low, feral growl. The image of Edward's perfectly sculpted body, his long torso, toned and lightly muscled, sprawled out across his king-sized bed, his strong arm nestled under his head while his other held his phone to his ear, ignited a fire between my legs.

"It's scary how much I miss you when you're not around," he admitted, his voice suddenly vulnerable, which was unbearably sexy. "I miss how you smell, how you taste, I miss the way you say my name when I'm inside you, or when I dip my tongue inside your hot, wet pussy..."

"Oh god, Edward," I sucked a breath in through clenched teeth. "You can't say things like that to me when you're not hear to act on them. It kills me."

He was quite. Then............... "Pretend I'm there."

Wait, what? Was he serious?

"You know what I would do to you if I was there?" he asked again and I pictured him laying in bed with the crisp, white sheets tangled around him.

I couldn't speak. My jaw opened and closed but no words came out. He sounded turned on and I knew what he wanted to do.

Fuck.

I wanted it to.

"Yes," I finally blurted out.

"I'd start by stripping you of everything you're wearing, piece. by. piece. And I'd enjoy every minute of it. ...Can you take your clothes off for me, baby?"

I poked my head out the bedroom door to check on Emmett. He was out like a light and snoring in front of the TV. I closed the door and locked myself inside. I wrestled out of my jeans and underwear and pulled my top over my head.

"Ok," I said breathlessly.

"Are you naked?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Are you on the bed?"

"Yes. ...Where are you?"

"In my bed. Naked."

I swallowed thickly and dropped my head back to the pillow.

"Fuck. Edward, I want you so bad." I ran my hand slowly down my bare body and stopped it just shy of my swollen opening.

"Are your hands on your pussy?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes," I whimpered, running the tips of my fingers over my tender folds. I heard him suck in his breath and curse.

"How does it feel? What does your pussy feel like, Bella? Tell me."

"So wet. ...dripping through my fingers, thinking about you as I touch myself."

He hummed in approval and I could hear more rustling in the sheets.

"Are you stroking yourself, Edward?" There was silence on the other end. I waited patiently for him to answer.

".....yes.....fuck, I love the way it feels to be inside you, the way your tight pussy wraps around my hard cock....."

I spread my legs wider and inserted two fingers inside, thumbing my clit just like Edward would if he were between my legs. "I'm imagining my fingers doing the work of your talented tongue," I whispered. "It's not nearly as good as you though. The way you suck my clit and lap up my juices...."

"I can taste you," his breathing was speeding up. "Salty, sweet," he groaned and I knew he was working himself closer to the edge. "God baby you taste so good. Are you close to cumming for me? I want to hear you call out my name as you cum."

"Yes, god, yes...I'm..." I grinded me teeth together and arched my back off the bed as I moved my fingers in and out. "Tell me what you're doing to yourself."

"I've got my cock in my hand, I'm stroking its length, running my thumb over its glistening tip. I'm picturing your mouth on it, taking me all the way in to the back of your throat, I'm watching you as you suck me off." He cursed again and I pictured his ab muscles tensing as he approached orgasm.

"Faster," I growled. "The way you fuck my mouth....Your hands in my hair as you guide my head with each of your thrusts. The sound you make as you're cumming in my mouth, the taste of your thick..."

"Shit," he spat. "Bella. Stop talking like that."

"Are you going to cum, Edward?" I was nearly there. I wanted it to happen for both of us at the same time. "Please. Please come for me. I'm ready. Oh god... I'm ready." I thrashed, the phone laying on the pillow right by my ear.

"I am," he moaned. "I am. Bella...I'm..... _fuck_.... fuck.... Bella....yes, I'm coming," he called out my name mixed with a slew of expletives and I fell off the cliff with him, my orgasm exploding inside me.

"..._Edwarrrrrrrd,_" I purred, using one of my damp fingers to play with my nipples, rubbing them and adding to the sensation of my orgasm.

"Jesus...fucking..." Edward panted, coming down from his high. ".......that was.......Bella, are you still there?"

"Barely," I giggled, pressing the phone to my sweaty ear.

He chuckled. "Yeah, me too. ….I should probably go clean up. I'm laying in a pool of my own jizz."

"Mm, if I was there I'd lick it off you," I murmured seductively, rolling onto my side. I could heard him whimpering into his pillow, muffled words like 'goddess' and 'tease' and he finally returned to the phone. Clearing his throat he addressed me matter-of-factly, like we hadn't just spent the last half hour engaging in tawdry phone sex and coming in our own hands.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?" I answered, mimicking his formality. I bit down on my thumb, my eyes still hooded with lust.

"I can't wait to come home."


	34. You can do no wrong, in my eyes

**I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and start to 2010! I still have more of the season to get through with these guys but wanted to get an update out there :)**

* * *

**Rosalie POV**

Before taking his nightcap upstairs, Edward kissed me on the top of my head, saying goodnight and thanking me for everything. He always did that. Thanked me, I mean. And I knew he meant it. Edward never lied. If he didn't mean something, he wouldn't waste his time saying it. There were so many different qualities about Edward that I wished I had, and many that I was glad I did not, but his generous nature and unswerving loyalty were at the top of that list.

I couldn't remember a time when I fought with my big brother – older than me by a whole thirty-seven seconds – over anything other than my choice in men and my lack of self-confidence; the former the result of the latter as far as Edward was concerned. We didn't suffer from sibling rivalry. I looked up to him. I admired him. He could do no wrong in my eyes. When he was around, I saw stars. When he fought with our parents, which he did enough for the both of us, I stood by his side. I held his hand even when he tried to pull it away and stand on his own. I was there for him and in turn he was there for me. But I had become a pro at internalization. Never wanting to add to the pressure that hung over our household like a storm cloud, I attempted to handle my demons on my own, which is why I'm in the state I'm currently in. Goal-less, indecisive, unresponsive, self-loathing, over-compensating, starved for attention, wandering aimlessly towards nothing……

I dimmed the lights in the living room, leaving enough illumination in case my father needed to get up during the night to use the bathroom. I stretched and yawned, wondering if Edward would still be awake. It was after midnight and I had been up since five am, but I was bored, in an odd state of limbo, exhausted but reluctant to let sleep overtake me.

Standing at the top of the winding staircase, I looked down at the couch, my father covered in a blanket. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. He had always seemed larger than life. An intimidating force that left shaking knees and cowering shadows in his wake. ...But not now. Now he was...small...and fragile. I knew Edward noticed it, too. The persistent sheen of sweat he wore across his forehead. The slight unsteady shake in his hands. The worry living behind his light blue eyes. There was a time when Carlisle Cullen could go twelve rounds in the ring without batting an eye until his opponents, which were usually his children, gave up and either blatantly disregarded his orders, like Edward, or gave in and slinked off to their room, like me. Now, instead of doing a victory dance, he panted and fell to the mat in the first round.

**

I must have left the stereo on without realizing. The faint murmur of soothing music filtered through the air and underneath my bedroom door. We had a state of the art surround sound system wired throughout the entire house - the cause of many fights over the years between Edward and my parents. For example, they consistently disagreed on the appropriate decibel level for death metal at four in the morning on a school night. One day I called him out on it. _Why the hell do you like this music, Edward? ...I don't. Then why do you play it? ...Because it drives dad fucking nuts, that's why_. I chuckled to myself as I slid out of bed and made my way downstairs, hoping the music hadn't woken my father. He wouldn't have been able to turn it off on his own without incurring moderate to severe discomfort. It was still dark outside, making it difficult for me to deduce what time of the morning or night it was. I walked swiftly across the landing and stopped in my tracks before my foot hit the first carpeted step.

There was someone sitting on the ottoman at the foot of the couch where my father slept. My heart leapt into my throat as the image was instantly accompanied by the sounds I had heard floating under my bedroom door seconds earlier.

It was Edward. He was playing his acoustic guitar and singing in a sleepy, gravely voice. A song I didn't know but one that would forever be ingrained in my memory. From my vantage point it was difficult to see the look on his face, his head was down and concentrating on the strings and my father was swallowed in the couch cushions.

I sat quietly on the top step and tucked my knees under my chin. Clasping my hands at my calves, I wiped the happy tears from my eyes and listened to Edward play.

_Boys grow up to be grown men  
And then men change back into boys again._

_Now you and me are me and you,  
And it's a different ballgame though not brand-new._

_  
I don't know what all of this fighting is for;  
But we're having us a teenage/middle-age war.  
I don't want to die and you want to live;_

_  
It takes a little bit of take and a whole lot of give.  
It never really ends though each race is run,_

_  
This thing between a father and a son. _

**EPOV**

"Thank you for flying with us, sir. Enjoy your stay in New York," the polite, leggy stewardess with the fake tits and roaming eyes said to me as I departed the aircraft and began my walk to the gate. Bella would be waiting to greet me and I was euphoric with the excitement of being reunited with her. I wanted her sugary sweet scent in my nose, her tangy taste in my mouth; I wanted to see the blush rise to her cheeks as I felt her supple breasts through her shirt. I wanted to re-enact the scenes from our phone-sex conversation and hear her breathless moans against my skin.

"Hurry up," I barked behind me.

"I'm walking as fast I can. ...I can't run in these shoes."

"Who told you to wear high heels? It's New York City in the winter," I growled, my irritation apparent.

"_These_ are the shoes that _go_ with these jeans," the high-pitched response shot back as if it were the most obvious answer ever. I knew the snooty attitude would be matched with a roll of the eyes and a flip of those long blond curls.

I adjusted my knapsack on my shoulder and darted through the crowd on a mission, glancing over my shoulder every few seconds and shooting an annoyed look from the tops of my eyes. My legs had a mind of their own. They could sense Bella's presence in the near vicinity and the blood rushed through my veins, my heart rate quickening.

Suddenly the seas parted and coming into focus in front of me was that familiar shock of pale white skin set against jet black hair. Flushed cheeks and full red lips, white teeth biting down on her chipped thumbnail, sunglasses pushed back on her forehead. Wide chocolate eyes.

My stomach flipped and rolled.

"There she is! There's my beautiful Bella!" I broke into a run, desperate to bridge the distance between us. She hadn't noticed me yet and was turning her head back and forth scanning the flood of passengers. I raised my arms to flag her down and when her eyes caught sight of me they poured fresh tears and a huge smile spread across her face.

"Edward!!!" she exclaimed, weaving her way through the dense crowd. I dropped my bags and held out my arms just in time to catch her as she flung herself into my embrace. She was small and warm and I buried my face in the hollow of her neck, kissing her tender skin and inhaling deeply. I moaned at the sensation of her nails digging into my shoulders and up the back of my neck. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I held her close, hugging her, pulling her away slightly so I could see her face. Her face. Oh god the overwhelming beauty of her face streaked with tears and runny make-up and covered in smiles and sparkles and...

"I missed you so much," I whispered across her eyelids, kissing the right then the left, tasting the saltiness of her tears on my lips.

She wiped the pads of her thumbs under my eyes and pressed her lips to my forehead, to the tip of my nose, to my parted lips, to the clef of my chin, then back to my lips again, kissing me with passion and intensity, with tongues and teeth.

"I'm not even going to say it back," she mumbled into my open mouth. "...Because you know. ...You have to know."

"I do. God do I ever," I moaned low, pulling down the zipper of her hoodie and pushing my hand inside. I needed to be closer.

A subtle cough brought me back to reality.

"Oh," I said.

"Right."

I released Bella from my arms and put her down with a whimper. I took her hand and turned her around to face the source of the impatient sound.

"Bella," I smiled down at her curious expression. "I'd like you to meet my twin sister. Rosalie."

Her mouth gaped slightly as she took in the sight of my gorgeous sibling standing before her. I chuckled to myself. It was nothing new. This was how most people reacted when they first saw Rosalie.

"…Rosalie, this is my Bella."

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Rosalie," Bella said immediately, extending her arm and smiling sincerely. Rosalie placed her small, delicate hand inside Bella's and in an instant the handshake became a hug.

I took a step back to give them room. They were the exact opposites of each other in appearance yet the shapes of their souls were identical.

"Thank you, Bella," my sister whispered into Bella's ear.

Bella paused. "For what?"

"For sticking by Edward. For putting up with…well, with how he is."

"I love how he is, Rosalie," Bella replied. "And I owe you an apology for how I reacted when you called the first time. I was a nasty bitch and you didn't deserve my attitude."

"It's ok," she shrugged.

"No, it wasn't. I sucked. I was mad at him and I took it out on you."

She laughed, "I'm used to getting attitude when it comes to Edward. He leaves quite an _impression_ on people, and not always a positive one."

"Oookaaaayy, enough Edward smack-talk please," I sighed, rolling my eyes and putting my hands behind my head. "I've just gotten Bella back to believing how awesome I am and I don't need you negating all my hard work." I winked at Bella and she giggled into my sister's shoulder. "We all know that Rosalie Hale is daddy's precious little girl and I'm his fucked up ungrateful son."

Rosalie and Bella parted their embrace and Bella returned to my side, slipping her fingers through my own and squeezing my hand.

"You said it. I didn't," Rosie teased, flipping her hair over her shoulders.

**BPOV**

I loved watching Edward and Rosalie exchange secret glances and knowing looks with hidden meanings that only they understood. It was scary how alike they looked; the same sharp features, perfectly sculpted noses and cheekbones, and how on the same level their thoughts and actions were. I'd been with them only a few moments and already I noticed how they shared many of the same mannerisms. They fluttered their fingers and gestured rapidly with their hands when they were trying to get their point across. And they sighed...alot.

Rosalie was exquisite. An exotic leopard or lioness in human form. I didn't know such beauty could exist in a woman without statues being built of her on a daily basis. My initial reaction was, _Why the fuck isn't this girl a model? Or an actress off somewhere doing beautiful things with her gorgeous self?_ Standing next to her I felt like a fat slug oozing grossness.

"Shall we leave and see my sister to her hotel?" Edward asked.

"Hotel?" I squeaked. "Edwarrrrd, why didn't you tell her she could stay with _us_?"

_Us_.

Fuck I loved the sound of that.

"There's barely enough room in your apartment for _us,_ my love," Edward chuckled. "We have to announce each time we enter and leave a room so we don't collide with each other, or do you not remember the unfortunate salsa incident?"

He had me there.

"Besides, have you taken a look at the vast array of luggage that has accompanied my dear sister here?" Edward gestured at the mountain of Louis Vuitton suitcases and carry-on's stacked on the cart behind us. I'd seen them, but I didn't think they all belonged to the same person.

"_Packing light_ is not in her vocabulary."

Rosalie shrugged unimpressed. "I don't know how long I'll be here. Couldn't leave without all my best heels, now could I?" She gave me a glittering, devilish wink and I laughed.

"I need to introduce you to my friend, Alice. Something tells me you two will get along famously."

Edward draped his arms over both of our shoulders and escorted us out of the terminal to the taxi stand.

"Maybe the three of us can meet up for dinner after Rose has settled in?" Edward suggested. "How does that sound? Maybe go to Jazz's restaurant?"

"I have to work tonight," I frowned, sucking my lip ring into my mouth. "Hmm. ...Hey I know! You guys should stop by!" I loved Rosalie already and couldn't wait to introduce her to the gang. She paused and furrowed her brow, another Cullen trait she shared with her brother. _These Cullen's will be the death of me yet._

"That'd be great," she finally answered. "...I have to sort through all my crap, but it can wait."

"We can help you unpack if you'd like," I offered. "I don't have to be at work til three."

"Um," Edward interrupted, slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me into his muscled chest. "I think Rosalie's fully capable of unpacking her bags on her own. Aren't you, _sis_?" He raised his eyebrows at her. She met them with a knowing smirk.

"Edward..." I was about to protest but he growled and pushed his groin into my stomach. I felt the bulging hardness straining against his jeans and sucked in a squeal.

"I haven't seen you in days," he murmured breathlessly, paying zero attention to the fact that his sister was little more than three feet away and could hear every word. He spoke as if we were the only two people alive in the world.

"I would like to get you home, if you don't mind...and _slowly_ remove you of _all_ your clothing. Then I want to lick and suck every inch of your..._mmm_..." he moaned into my mouth, his warm breath fogging my senses. "..._perfect....tight...fuckable body."_

"Ugh, gross you guys," Rosalie blanched. "I get it. You want to go home and fuck. It's fine. I know how to give a cab driver directions. I'll see you tonight. Call me when you're, uh, done."

I blushed furiously and untied myself from Edward's constrictive hold. A sudden blur of vibration passed between them and Edward moved away from me towards his sister. She took his forearm and led him to the passenger side of the waiting taxi. I tried to concentrate on the rush of people and luggage and cars swirling around me and not on trying to eavesdrop on their private moment. I cheated and stole quick peeks out of my peripheral. Their lips were moving too quickly for me to make out the formation of words. It appeared as though they were talking at the same time in an ancient language, their faces serene and content. After a few moments they pulled each other into an embrace that spoke volumes. A window opened, a mirror was placed in front of the scene and there they were as children, in the same pose only with Rosalie clutching a ratty, brown teddy bear in one hand and Edward sporting Batman footie-pajamas.

He whispered into her hair and she nodded into his upper arm. He opened the car door for her and she waved at me as she ducked inside. I waved back and watched Edward watch his sister drive away. He sighed deeply, tugging absentmindedly at the hairs on the back of his neck, and then he turned to me and smiled.

"How'd you get out here?" he asked, scooping me up in his arms.

"Emmett lent me his car."

"Emmett has a car?"

"Uh huh," I answered, burrowing my nose into his sternum and brushing my hands up and down his arms. "It's an Explorer. That's technically a truck, right? I don't know shit about cars, but Emmett loves 'em."

"So does my sister," Edward mumbled, resting his forehead on mine and tracing the outline of the waistband of my jeans. He looked up at me suddenly, his eyes dark with need.

"Let's get out of here."

**EPOV**

Lying in our mingling pools of sweat, I pulled Bella's limp body on top of mine. We had been at it since the moment we arrived home from the airport. The second the front door clicked shut I had her pinned against it, pushing my jeans down just enough to get my dick out. Holding Bella in one arm she clung to the doorknob for support as I pounded into her. She clawed through my hair and screamed out my name and I came hard and fast, my legs shaking, my head dizzy. The next time we made it as far as the living room couch, the intensity of our fucking leaving us clawing to the edge of the cushions as we tumbled closer to the floor with each thrust.

Bella's slick pussy brushed against my outer thigh and I was instantly hard again. I wound my fingers through the knots in her hair and pulled. She moaned low into my open mouth and pressed her full, pouting lips to mine. Our tongues lapped and intertwined, her hands wiping through my wiry, damp chest hair. We kissed languidly and I grinded my erection into her hip. She pushed her swollen wetness into my pubic bone and I groaned out her name.

"One more time," I whimpered. "Please. Let me inside you one more time." I ran my index finger between our bodies, down her damp stomach, until I found her clit. I fingered it slowly and deftly and she let out an erotic moan, sucking on her bottom lip and rocking on top of me. She wrapped one hand around my erection and lifted her body, balancing against the mattress on one knee. She hovered over me and guided the head of my cock towards her opening, dipping it in and then taking it out just to drive me crazy. I growled in sexual frustration and bucked my hips up to try and dive inside her, but she had moved just out of reach. I grabbed the sides of her ass and pulled her back.

"Please, Bella." I was begging for her now but I didn't care. I had no pride. "Fuck. me."

With that her hooded eyes glazed over with lust and she nodded. Throwing her head back she sank down onto my cock and I watched it disappear inside her.

"_Fuck yes,_" I exhaled, dropping my head to the pillow. "_Always, so, good_." She hummed in response and I guided her movements with the tension of my grip on her ass cheeks, meeting her downwards thrusts as I pumped inside her.

She was the first to come, with a hiss she buckled and dropped her chin to her chest, her hair covering her eyes and she pressed her palms to my chest to hold herself up as she rode through her orgasm. I reached for her and cupped my hands behind her neck, lifting her face with my thumbs. Our eyes met and I nodded that I was close. So close. The edge was near. She smirked and grinned and slid me all the way out to my tip, waiting, and then shoved me back inside. I erupted in her in waves of pleasure and glorious pain, clawing at the bed sheets, writhing as the tremors subsided. It was one of the most intense orgasms I'd ever had.

"You're smiling." Bella traced the pad of her index finger over my closed eyelids.

"Mmhmm, am I? I asked drowsily. "That was fucking amazing. ......always amazing with you, but _that_...that was..."

She giggled and rolled onto the mattress, spooning my side.

"Thank you." I let it slip without realizing.

"For what? _Fucking you_? The pleasure was all mine, darling, believe me," she snerked.

"Not just for that. It's so much more than that. You calm me, Bella. I no longer feel this crushing pressure to please everyone. All that remains is my own desperate need to please _you_ and to be the only man worthy of your love. .....Jesus," I covered my eyes with the back of my arm and laughed. "...That sounds so terrible."

"Not terrible," Bella replied, crawling up my torso and moving my arm so she could see my face. "Never terrible." She leaned down and embraced me, pressing her naked body into mine, and she held me like that for many minutes before letting out a defeated sigh.

"I have to be at work in twenty minutes." She attempted to detach her body but I tightened my hold and slid her down my stomach until she was once again pressed against my stiffening erection. She moaned in understanding and spread her legs.

"That's plenty of time," I grinned as I entered her once more.

**BPOV**

"You have no idea, Alice. It was incredible. I fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled, 'Five second rule,' and kept fucking me. I think I'm in love."

I held the phone close to my mouth as I counted out the register. The last thing I needed was for Emmett to hear me gushing about my sex life five minutes into my shift. I shoved my hip against the ancient drawer of the beastly machine and threw my hair back in a quick one-handed ponytail. I was already exhausted and it was only 3:07 in the afternoon.

"On the phone already, Swan?" Emmett grumbled, walking out of the back with a case of Corona. "And where'd you park my truck? If there's a ticket on it when I get out there tonight, it's coming out of _your_ tip jar."

I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue. "Lemme go, Alice. Emmett's in a mood. ….Yeah I'll see you at six. Edward should be here by then and you'll get to meet Rosalie!" I squealed and kissed her goodbye through the receiver

"Who the fuck is Rosalie?" Emmett asked, sticking an unlit cigarette between his lips and cracking open a cold one.

"Edward's sister," I answered, wiping down the bar. "They're twins."

"Oh greeeeat. More Cullen's."

"Be nice, Em," I glared daggers at him. He looked particularly cute today in a black and white checkered flannel that hugged his broad chest in all the right places. His normally short and tight black hair was overgrown and in need of a trim, but I liked it that way. It gave him a sexy boyish quality that offset his crude attitude.

"Promise me," I whined.

"What? Can't you see my halo? I'm an angel, Swan. You don't have to worry about me."

"Yeah right," I mumbled under my breath.

"I heard that." Emmett brushed past me on his way out the back door with lighter and beer in hand. I plugged in my iPod and churned up the music as the front door swung open, letting in a cold gust of air. I lurched my head up and was greeted by the unsurpassed beauty of the Cullen's.

"Hey," I smiled, unable to come up with anything cleverer than that. It took my mind a few seconds to get back on track after being derailed by the sight of Edward. He was freshly showered, the fragrant smell of mint mixed with the remnants of the cigarette he had on his way over wafted off him as his lips hit mine. I practically climbed over the bar to get closer to him. He was wearing a puffy winter coat and gloves that he pulled off and stuck in his pockets. His wild copper hair was damp from the snow that just started to fall.

"Hey," he said back, smiling against my lips. "You look hot."

"I do?" I slid down from the bar and looked at myself. I didn't see what the big deal was. I was wearing a version of what I always wear. Tight black skinny jeans, low-top black Converse, an oversized off the shoulder t-shirt tied at my hip. I walked out and around to meet Edward's open arms. He held me close and I shivered against the cold shell of his coat.

"Yes. You do. Very..._edible_," he nibbled on my earlobe and I instantly forgot about the cold. Over his shoulder I saw Rosalie standing hesitantly in the doorway. She looked like Sleeping fucking Beauty, her long blond hair cascading over her shoulders and down the front of her knee-length overcoat.

I squirmed out of Edward's hold and pulled myself together.

"Come on in," I smiled. "I'll put your coat behind the bar. ...You want a drink?" I led her to a stool and stuffed her coat with mine behind the counter. The shine of the ornate oval cameo that hung from a satin ribbon around her neck just above her cleavage caught my eye.

"Um, sure." She looked wide-eyed at the selection of colored bottles behind me "I'll have a...an...um..." Her eyes darted to Edward who was already sipping on the pint of Stella I poured for him.

"I don't really drink, so I uh...I don't really know..." she muttered, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"No worries. I'll make you something. Do you like sweet? Sour? Fruity?"

"Fruity's good," she brightened.

"You got it." I spun around and plucked a glass from the rack. "One cosmo, coming up." I glanced at Edward through the mirror on the wall. He caught my eye and winked over the rim of his glass.

**EPOV**

Rosalie sipped on her cosmo tentatively while Bella and I watched in amusement for her reaction. Bella hadn't made it too strong, I watched her pour, but she didn't bitch out either. She had a reputation to uphold after all.

The seconds ticked by.

Rosalie licked her glossy lips – a good sign – and looked to me, then to Bella.

She nodded her head.

"It's good."

Bella's face lit up. "Good. I'm glad you like it. That's the best complime-"

"_SWAN!!!!_"

Bella cringed as her name echoed from the depths of the inventory stockroom. She huffed at Rosalie in jest and gave me a sideways grin. "Excuse me. I'll be right back." She pushed off the bar with both hands and turned on her heel, disappearing around the corner in a flash.

"That's her boss," I explained. "Emmett. He's a pain in the ass, but he looks after my girl, so what can ya do..."

"Oh," Rose answered half-listening, interested more in the contents of the glass in her hands than in talking to me. "That's nice." She took another gulp and hummed contentedly. "mmm, so good."

"Because I _said so_, that's fucking why, Swan. It's my bar and what I say goes."

The rumbling of a stampede approaching – should I grab my sister and hit the deck? - was Emmett's hulking frame stomping down the hall.

"But I alphabetized them," Bella's high-pitched voice yelled after him.

"In what language?" Emmett barked. Even I had to chuckle at that one. He stormed around the corner with Bella trailing behind him, her eyes wild, her cheeks flushed with exasperation. She was such a pistol when she pissed, it was great, but who did she think she was intimidating? He towered over her taller than I did.

"Y'know what, Emmett, _you_ fucking count them then. ....Dammit, you _always_ do this. You tell me one thing-"

"It's _your_ fucking job." He's not yelling, he's just riffing on her, but it's driving her insane in the cutest way possible.

"_Donovan_ unloads the truck, _I_ stack the cases, _YOU_ count them and log them in the book!" He stabs a key on the register with his index finger and the drawer ejects. He grabs a few bills and stuffs them in an envelope without acknowledging my presence.

"I did it last week while you were off Christmas shopping with Alice Brandon," he continues. "And it took me all damn morning to reorganize your ass backward way of-"

His sentence is stopped in mid-air as his black eyes catch the reflection of me and my sister in the mirror.

"And what?" Bella continues to instigate, oblivious of what just happened.

"Go on. Enlighten me, _Mister_ McCarty. And _what_?" She's bouncing around Emmett's frozen statue like Sugar Ray Leonard but Emmett's gazed is still fixed on my reflection.

"…What's up, Em?" I nod, assuming he's waiting for me to say something first. But my comment has no effect on him. He just continues to stare.

That's when I realize it's not _me_ he's looking at.

* * *

**Please review.  
**


	35. Do what's easy

**it's still January so i can still do holiday festivities, can't i? so here's Christmas and NYE.**

**I totally did not proof this well enough, I know it, so please forgive typos.**

**SM owns Twilight**

* * *

_His sentence is stopped in mid-air as his black eyes catch the reflection of me and my sister in the mirror._

_"And what?" Bella continues to instigate, oblivious of what just happened._

_"Go on. Enlighten me, __Mister McCarty. And __what?" She's bouncing around Emmett's frozen statue like Sugar Ray Leonard but Emmett's gazed is still fixed on my reflection._

_"…What's up, Em?" I nod, assuming he's waiting for me to say something first. But my comment has no effect on him. He just continues to stare._

_That's when I realize it's not __me he's looking at._

**BPOV**

I balanced on my tippy-toes and did my best to get up in Emmett's face, to stand my ground against the bullshit he was spewing about my lack of inventory skills. Ok, so my handwriting was _slightly_ juvenile and loopy and I could only fit a few words on an inventory line before I ran out of space. So what? Emmett defiled and disgraced the bathroom every single goddamn night and _I_ didn't give _him_ grief about it. jeez.

"What's the problem, Emmy? Cat got your tongue?" I kept on, raising the pitch of my voice until it reached that annoying register girls voices enter when they taunt - the kind that only dogs can hear. But he wasn't reacting. He was just - standing there - with his back to me and his hands gripping the sides of the metal register. It wasn't like Emmett to miss out on an opportunity to have a zing-throwing competition with me.

_When you go to the mind-reader, do you get half price? _

_If Disney made a movie about you, they'd call it 'Dumbitch'. _

We could get pretty creative with insults when the mood hit us the right way. We were both insanely competitive with dumb shit like that.

But he'd completely clammed up.

Did I say something to hurt his feelings?

_Emmett? _

There wasn't much room for us behind the bar and physically moving him to get him to look at me was not an option. The man was an oak. I poked my finger into the center of the rock-hard musculature that covered his back, in an attempt to antagonize him, and pushed down until the tip of my nail turned white and numb.

Nuthin. He didn't budge.

I turned and gave Edward a _WTF_-face over my shoulder. That's when I noticed the equally perplexed look on his.

_What's his deal?_ I thumbed behind Emmett's back.

Edward shrugged and smirked out of the side of his mouth, but I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on.

_What'd I miss?_ I mouthed in exasperation. _What happened??!_

Edward widened his eyes and flicked them to his left. I followed them over to Rosalie, who was casually sipping her drink and swaying breezily to the eclectic house music booming from the speakers. Every now and then she would look around from side to side and behind her, taking in her new surroundings - the dingy floors, the walls covered in band posters, graffiti, miscellaneous pictures of celebrities, newspaper articles – and she'd smile when she landed on something that amused her. The Polaroid of Emmett and Donovan pretending to tag team Raul, the line cook, over a stack of dirty dishes was a particular fave of mine that hung above the register. They had nearly managed to get Raul's pants over his ass before Alice walked in on the scene and to this day Raul refuses to be left alone in the same room with either of them.

Rosalie was having a good time and I was glad. It was important for Edward and I to have as many allies and friends on our side as possible considering the unsteady footing our relationship started out on, and the approval of Edward's twin was a major score.

I didn't realize how long I'd been staring at her mesmerizing features until her long, fawn eyelashes and crystal-blue gemstone eyes glittered up at me and a cherubic smile spread across her face.

"Hey, Rose," I said, immediately kicking myself for already shortening her name. But she was still smiling, so apparently I hadn't offended her. I opened my mouth to say something else but I noticed that she was more looking _through_ me than looking _at_ me. She was either admiring the crow that had magically perched itself on my shoulder, or she was looking _over_ my shoulder...behind me…

…at Emmett.

OH.

Suddenly I felt like the biggest, densest idiot in all of New York.

**

The second Alice and Jasper waltzed through the door I grabbed Alice under her armpit before she could put her bag down and dragged her into the kitchen.

"_Owwww_. What's your problem??" she whined.

"Okay listen," I pointed my finger at the tip of her button nose. "I'm going to tell you something, but first you have to cover your mouth."

"Dish it, bitch" she obeyed, placing her tiny palm over her painted lips. I leaned in and annunciated so there would be no doubt in her mind as to what I was saying.

"I think _Emmett_ …" I paused to let it sink in. "...has the hots for Edward's sister."

Alice muffled her yelp and punched me in the shoulder with her free hand.

"_Shut UP!!!_ Are you _serious_??!!"

I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip to hold back my laughter. "Isn't it great?? You should have seen him. One minute he's laying into me about the shit job I did organizing the order off the truck last week and the next, _bang!_ Nailed by the love bus. He was literally standing there, frozen in place, hanging onto the register for dear life, for like ten minutes. And Rosalie was completely oblivious. I had to kick him in the shin to get him back to earth."

"Oh my _god_ that is _scandalous_!!"

"I knew you'd like that one."

"Like it?!" she squealed, twirling around and clapping her hands together. "I fucking love it!! You don't know how long I've waited for this day! Where is she? Is she hot?"

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes. "Disgustingly so. You'll throw up when you see her. _And_ she's nice. Imagine _that_ shit."

"Where is she?" Alice pressed her forehead to the small square window of the kitchen door and peered out into the dark abyss of the club. "I can't see shit."

"She went to sit closer to the stage with Edward. Tonight's Sticky. I told them that if they get a good spot in the audience they'll definitely get picked."

_Sticky_ is a series of ten-minute plays that take place in bars and clubs, but can really be performed anywhere, even on sidewalks. And they can be about anything – sex, drugs, rock and roll, college life, city life. The possibilities are endless. They're performed throughout the room in all the space available and anyone can become part of the action. _Sticky_ is a fun way to blur the line between the artistic and the social to prove that anything that can happen in _life_ can happen in a _bar_.

I dimmed the lights and hopped onstage to quickly introduce the performers. The audience erupted in applause. You never know what to expect on a _Sticky_ night – drama, comedy, dance, cabaret, it's anyone's guess.

With the booze flowing and laughter filling the room, I slinked behind the bar and took my place between Emmett and Alice. I spotted Edward and Rosalie in the crowd getting propositioned by two of the performers acting out a skit and using them as human fireman poles. They waved at me through the legs of the two limber ladies doing handstands in front of them and I gave the thumbs up. Rosalie's cheeks were red and she was holding a fresh drink in her hand.

"It's a great first night in the city for Rosalie, dontcha think?" I asked nonchalantly as I popped the cap off a Corona. "She's never been to New York before."

Emmett looked at the top of the bar like someone had just taken away his brand new puppy. "I know," he muttered, intensely wiping up a spill.

"You do? And _how_ do you know?"

"Because she _told_ me. That's how," he snapped.

Well at least he's back to his grouchy self.

"She _did_?" I said with syrupy-sweetness and made change for my customer. "When?"

"Before."

"You _talked_ to her?" I asked cheekily. I knew I was pressing my luck with his patience and had mayyyybe two more questions before he bit my head off.

"Yeah Swan, I talked to her," he grunted. "What's the big fucking deal? She's just a-"

"Hey, Emmett," Rosalie's voice cut through the air like church bells and Emmett spun around to face her. "That was a great drink." She held the empty glass in front of her and slid the stem between her fingers. "Thanks for the suggestion."

Emmett gave her a look that I have never, and I mean NEVER, seen cross his face before. It reminded me of the look Edward gave me that hot summer day, the first day we met when he reached down to help me up from the sidewalk. There were sparkles in his eyes like he'd been rubbing at them with glittery fingers. Emmett had that similar glint in his - sparkles mixed with awe, mixed with shock, mixed with lust.

He put his elbows on the bar and crossed his arms. "It was no problem. I'm glad you liked it."

"I did. Very much," she replied, licking her red lips. "What was it called?"

Emmett sucked in his cheeks and tilted his head towards the ceiling as if the answer were written in the sky.

"It's a little thing I like to call.....An Emmett special," he grinned like it was most original name ever. "And I don't make it for just anyone. ...Why?"

"Just wondering," she answered, pressing her stomach against the bar. "Could you maybe make me another?" She slowly pushed her glass towards him and he slid it out of her fingers the rest of the way. He sucked his lips into his mouth and pushed his tongue between to wet them.

"It would be my pleasure."

**EPOV**

_The week before Christmas_

After managing to carry a five-foot tall Christmas tree down ten city blocks, up a flight of stairs, and into Bella's living room without killing ourselves, Bella and I spent the rest of the afternoon decorating her apartment and making ornaments out of everyday household items. Bella made a dozen origami cranes out of the funny pages while I popped popcorn and glued the kernels into elves and pandas and mythical creatures that looked like baby elephants. She used eyeshadow to paint glittery faces on snowmen made of cotton balls and for good measure I made a Star of David out of Q-Tips.

Our first Christmas in New York. Our first Christmas together.

I never wanted to run out of firsts with Bella.

**

"Honey, I already told you. You don't have to get me anything." I pulled apart of piece of tinsel made from shredded tissue paper and hung it on an empty limb.

"But it's _Christmas,_" she stuck out her bottom lip and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Is it really?" I asked, feigning shock. "I had no idea." I held back a laugh as she continued to pout in her classic recipe of spoiled child dipped in sex-kitten. It was almost dinnertime and she had changed into the reindeer pajamas her mother Renee sent from Phoenix as part of her Christmas care-package. Her father Charlie's gift – a check - was stuck to the fridge door with a magnet.

"You give me so much every day," I added, folding her warm body into my arms. "What more could I possibly want?"

"Oh I'm sure you could think of _something_," she purred, pecking a trail of kisses up my neck and under my chin. "Come onnnnn. …How can I not get my _boyfriend_ a present for Christmas?"

"Mmm. When you put it that way," I ran the tips of my fingers up her sides and watched her skin break out in tingles. "How about this," I kissed her nose. "...how about you surprise me? I'll like any gift you give me."

"Blowjobs don't count as gifts."

"They do when they come from _your_ mouth, baby. You have no idea how talented that glorious tongue of yours is."

She giggled and melted into me naturally and once again I was stunned by how deeply I had fallen for her over these past few months. It was still difficult for me to believe that I hadn't always had Bella Swan in my life. She was everything to me. How had I managed to exist to any degree of fulfillment without her?

She pushed me onto the couch and climbed into my lap. She parted my legs and stuffed her hands between my thighs. I spread my legs to give her easy access to the stiffening erection pressing inside the confines of my very own pair of green flannel reindeer bottoms. Green flannel – super comfy and easy to slide off. I hadn't even met Bella's mom yet and already the woman was sending me gifts.

"Unnnngh, don't start," I groaned, dropping my forehead to her shoulder. "We'll never finish decorating if you keep distracting me like this." I slid my hands under her cotton tee with the bow sewn to the front and traced my thumbs over her perky nipples. Her head fell back and she grinded onto me. I licked at the throbbing pulse point in her neck and hummed against its rhythm. She wrapped her arms around my neck and shoved her tongue down my throat uttering the most filthy perversions I'd ever heard come out of a woman's mouth. Unable to put up with the foreplay for another second, I wound her legs around my waist, hoisted her in my arms and carried her into the bedroom.

**

"Merry Christmas, my beautiful angel," I murmured, smoothing Bella's damp hair away from her forehead. "Baby. Look outside. It snowed last night."

Bella yawned and cracked open her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Edward," she smiled dopily. She crawled up the mattress and pushed the curtain aside.

"Wow. It's so beautiful. Everything's covered in white." Her voice was thick and grainy and the side of her face was covered in sleep marks.

"You're hungover," I snickered.

She wrinkled her nose. "I wonder who's fault _that_ is?"

Rhetorical question. It was my fault. _I_ made the eggnog and the chocolate martinis last night and _I_ made'em damn strong. Bella made bread pudding. We watched a string of Christmas movies, drank and made out on the living room floor for hours.

"My tongue feels hairy," she groaned, plopping face down on the bed. She turned on her side and squinted up at me. "…I love you, Edward."

She reached up and I pulled her to her feet. "I love you too, Bella," I murmured, kissing her sweetly. "Would you like to open your presents?"

I squeezed her hand and led her into the living room. The tree was already lit and the coffee was brewing.

"_Presents?_ _Plural?_" she croaked. I sat her down on the couch and rummaged under the tree.

"Yep. Alice and Jasper's were just messengered over. And Rosalie asked me to give you _this_ since she couldn't be here." I set a small box on Bella's boney knee.

Rosalie had taken one for the team this year and headed back to Forks two weeks ago so that there would be at least one Cullen child present in the house on Christmas morning. I promised I would make it up to her even though I knew she was worried about mom..._and_ dad. And _mom and dad_.

Thanksgiving at the Brandon house had gone so well that Jasper was invited back for the Christmas holiday. He and Alice left on Christmas Eve day around the same time Emmett had flown out to Chicago to be with his sister, Jane; his only remaining family member.

"But _her_ gift," Bella protested, pointing to the pink and white scarf that she had nearly finished knitting.

"She's going to love it, baby. Don't worry. ...And you're still going to give it to her. We're picking her up from the airport the same time Emmett's flight gets in, remember?"

Emmett and Rosalie's quasi-relationship has been the topic of constant conversation amongst the members of our little group since the day they met. Since that fated day, Emmett was – well, he was still Emmett – still crass and rude and impatient with everyone.......the difference was that he was impatient and rude with everyone _except _Rosalie. With Rosalie he was lighter and fuzzier and jokier. He made her laugh and in turn she made him smile. I imagined it was a dynamic similar to the one Emmett had with Bella...minus the sex. I didn't know if Emmett was fucking my sister and I honestly didn't care. Rosalie's main goal in coming to New York, second only to a much needed break from the suffocating oppression of her life in Forks, was to look at grad schools in the city – an issue I had voiced my opinion on in many colorful ways since she put her own academic and personal goals on the back-burner to hold our family together. Rosalie's smart. She's more than smart. She had a shit-ton more drive and initiative than I did when it came to schoolwork. Jesus, she used to offer to do my fucking calculus homework for my entire sophomore year, writing with her left hand so it'd be messy like mine.

Bella pulled the black and white satin ribbon off the plain white box and lifted the lid.

"Holy shit!" she screeched, slapping the cover back on and dropping it on her lap. "This is for _me_?"

"What is it?" I asked curiously, sitting by her side.

"That heart-stopping grin gives you away, Edward. You know what it is, don't you?" Taking a stuttered breath, she reopened the small box and pulled out the long silver chain with the ornate representation of the Cullen family crest carved into the onyx oval. It shone like a mirror and Bella stared at it dangling in front of her eyes.

"She thought it would look better on a Tiffany necklace," I said.

"Wait. It's _hers??!!_ The one she wears around her _neck_? Oh my fucking god, Edward, I can't accept this!"

"Why the fuck not? It's a gift."

"It's _HERS._"

I laughed and shook my head until my hair fell in my eyes. "We all have them, Bella. The crest. We all wear it somewhere on us. My mom has two rings, a pin, a choker, a bracelet, dangly earrings – all with the crest. Rosalie has it on a bunch of necklaces in different sizes, a charm bracelet, a brooch. My dad has it on the face of his each one of his Rolex watches and on his cufflinks So y'see?It's no big deal."

"Where do _you_ wear it?"

"I have a wristcuff."

"I've never seen it."

"That's because it's at home in Rose's jewelry box. ...I got it on my sixteenth birthday and then proceeded to lose it at least once a month for the next year. Each time I freaked the fuck out so bad that Rosalie locked it in her room where it would be safe."

Bella gingerly traced along the edge of the lion's head with the tip of her index finger and a tear fell down her cheek.

"She wanted me to have this," she said to no one in particular. "_Why?_"

"Why not?" I answered, inching closer to her and following the path of her finger with my own. Sparks jumped from skin to skin.

"Because she just met me." Her bottom lip and chin began to quiver. "She doesn't even know me."

"Of course she does. Maybe not every detail, but she knows what's important. She knows that I love you and that you saved me from a life that would never fully be my own. And she knows that _you _love _me_, Bella. Which means that you're patient and caring and good." I kissed her temple. "... _And_ let's not forget that you introduced her to Emmett."

"_Accidentally," _she smirked. She rested her head on my chest and played with the chain between her fingers. "Can I give you yours now?"

"Mmhmm," I hummed into her hair. She bolted off the couch and shuffled to the tree, returning with a brightly colored tube covered in shiny silver paper with a red bow tied around it.

"I hope you like it." she mumbled, biting down on her lip and bobbing in place.

"Oh shut up. I'll love it." I ripped the paper, popped open the top and reached my hand inside.

"Yeeeah you haven't seen it yet," she said, watching over me apprehensively. I toyed with the idea of dragging out the unveiling just to torture her, but my curiosity won out over my sadism. Instead I merely smirked at her silliness and pulled out the rolled piece of weathered and worn tan parchment.

I held it up and let it unfurl in front of me.

When it was fully exposed I took a moment to take in what it was.

It was a simple yet intricately detailed charcoal and pencil drawing of a young man, barefoot and in trousers and tails, sitting at a grand piano. He was hunched over the keys and each one of his ten long fingers was moving over them in perfect fluid formation. Out of the piano flew a handful of doves, each one individual and distinct from the next. I...I mean, _the young man_, had disheveled hair that hung in his eyes while it stuck up in every other direction. Every minute detail, down to the fingernails and spaces between the piano keys was represented in stunning accuracy. My...I mean, _his_, toes were bent and curled and there was tension in his shoulders as he played and even though the only facial features that could be seen in his profile were his nose, lips, and chin, I knew that his brow was furrowed in concentration. The room he played in was empty but there was someone sitting next to him on the bench. I leaned in. The faint outline of long flowing hair. Someone a head shorter than he.

"It's you," I said, turning to Bella. "There's a girl on the bench, sitting next to him......it's you, isn't it?"

Blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. "You once told me that you play for me even when I'm not there-"

"And that even when you're not there..." I cut her off.

"...I am," she smiled, finishing my sentence.

"Jesus, Bella. It's...this is..." I sighed. "It's exquisite."

"I was gonna frame it, but I hate figuring out frames and I didn't want you to feel like you were obligated to hang it up or anything."

"You're amazing, you know that? You're even good at putting yourself down." I stood up and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tightly against my chest and we held each other, smelled each other, were joined together as one without the need to make it sexual.

"I love it, Bella. And I would love it even if it wasn't yours, even if I'd seen it in a shop I would think it was just as fucking brilliant as I'm telling you it is now. The fact that your hands did that only makes it worth that much more to me. ...It's fucking priceless." She said nothing, just hung on to me with her arms curled around my back and her fingers stroking the back of my neck. "It's my turn now, angel."

I sat her back down on the couch and retrieved my gift from under the tree. I placed it on her lap.

"There." I pointed at it. "Open it." I was suddenly incredibly nervous and second-guessing my choice, which at the time seemed absolutely fucking brilliant, but now I wasn't so sure. I wanted to snatch it back and run out to the 24-hour diamond ring store and buy her one of everything. But that wasn't my Bella. This was. What she was about to see.

The present was book-sized because that's what it was. A hardcover book. But not just any book. It was the latest release from Bella's favorite author. She'd been talking about it non-stop since she heard it was coming out.

Bella's face lit up when she saw the cover.

"Oh, Edward. You remembered. He's my favorite. Thank you so much." She reached for me but I pulled away. Is that all she thought I got her for Christmas? A fucking book? And she was happy with that? Well of course she was cuz she's awesome, but pffft. I'm a better boyfriend than that.

"Open up the cover, sweetie." She looked at me curiously but did as she was told.

Her eyes widened the moment she saw the thick envelope folded and tucked inside.

"Shut the fuck up," she said calmly, but I knew what was brewing. She tore it open and read what was inside. It was confirmed. She was in shock.

"No _fucking_ way!!"

I grinned and nodded, yes, yes fucking way.

"Holy shit!! _Edward!!!_" She jumped to her feet and slammed into me.

"How'd you do it??! You got me into his workshop?? Foer's writing workshop?? Is that was this is?? Oh god I can't believe it. I didn't even submit cuz I didn't think I stood a chance. The spaces are so limited and- wait a sec. How did you......You sent my stuff?"

I nodded.

"...Where did you get it?" Her ecstatic expression suddenly turned violated, like I'd intruded on her naked thoughts, like I'd gone through her mind and stolen her words, which would be the only way for me to find them other than sifting through her notebooks. Which I could do while she's asleep; which I'm tempted to do every time I'm left alone in the apartment.

But I didn't look through her things and I needed to put her mind at ease before she flipped out.

"Alice and Emmett," I began. "You wrote a poem for Alice on her birthday to shut her up, right? And you wrote one for Emmett last year...the day after his father died. They told me. When I told them what I wanted to do for you they gave me copies – in envelopes that I never opened - and I sent them to the jury. And you were chosen, Bella. Whatever you wrote, and I wouldn't know because I didn't read them, you were chosen. ...you did it, baby. Only you. I didn't pull any strings or call my dad or write a check. They want you there based on your talent alone."

"I'm overwhelmed," she sniffled. "I don't know what to say."

"Yes you do," I corrected. "...That's why you were chosen."

I went out into the hall to call my parents and Rosalie and wish them a Merry Christmas. Mom sounded pretty sauced but no more than usual. Dad was brief but pleasant and Rosalie sounded tired. I sent my love and hung up. When I got back inside, Bella was walking out of the bedroom with a spiral notebook in her hand. She sat on the couch and patted the space next to her.

"What's this?" I asked, looking down at the five-subject.

She took a deep breath and placed her hands on the cover. "Emmett blamed himself for his father's death. Ridiculous really. His dad had lung cancer. There wasn't anything Emmett could have done. But you know stubborn Emmett. He thought that if he stayed in Chicago, if he never moved to New York, that somehow he could have gotten his father better treatment that could have prolonged his life.

"It broke my heart to watch him hold the pain inside. They were close. His dad was the one who gave him the money for the down payment on the bar. Of course every time we asked him, he said he was fine, but I know my Emmett. There was no way he was fine. Not this time. So when he came back from the funeral, I gave him this."

She flipped to the middle of the notebook and handed it to me.

_Do what's easy  
steal every red cent out of the wishing well  
smoke cigarettes til your chest rattles like hell  
just do what's easy_

_Waste every evening  
don't ever read and don't ever write  
never leave home and get drunk every night  
just do what's easy_

_Hate completely  
let every wall feel the force of your fist  
forget your debts cause forgiveness exists  
just do what's easy_

I sucked in my breath and ran my fingers over her raised, bubbly script.

"I wanted him to know that it was okay to lose control," Bella explained. "It was okay to be mad, to be fucking pissed, to get drunk and wallow_, to regress."_

"To do what's easy."

"...Yeah."

**BPOV**

Rosalie looked fucking exhausted, shaken, and uneasy when she finally emerged from the terminal. I assumed it was a by-product of spending the Christmas holiday at home in Forks without the buffer of Edward to take the heat off of her parents scrutiny, but I hoped it was just jet-lag from a long flight.

Edward went to her and they talked with their eyes and non-moving lips and Edward kept his arm around her while we picked her bags off the carousel and for the entire ride back to my apartment.

Rosalie had rented a monthly suite in a luxury apartment building uptown but it wouldn't be available until a week into the New Year so I insisted she stay with Edward and I. Edward was shocked when she agreed. He insisted that his sister never _had_ and never _would_ be amenable to sleeping on a couch_._

Her face saddened when we told her that Emmett's flight had been delayed coming in from O'Hare and that he wouldn't be arriving until late in the evening.

"There's going to be a New Year's Eve party at the club tomorrow night," I said, helping Rosalie carry her bags into the living room.

"_I_ wanted to go to Times Square but- _ Fuck!_ These fucking things are heavy, Rose. Couldn't you have left some of this shit behind?" Edward bitched, dumping the last of the carry-on's near the door.

"I'm trying to get into grad school, Edward. ....I have to look good."

"You always look amazing, Rosalie," I chimed in. I grabbed a few beers out of the fridge and passed them around. "Anyway, Alice is spending all fucking day cleaning and decorating and then I'm sure she's going to force me into letting her help me get ready."

"That sounds like fun. ...Is, um, Emmett going to be there?" she blushed.

"It's his bar," I grinned, spinning on my heel to shoot Edward a look. He was looking back at me, leaning against the sink, tonguing the rim of his beer bottle and suggestively running his hand up and down the neck. He winked and flicked his tongue across his lips.

The millisecond Alice heard that Rosalie was back in town and that I was allowing girly New Year's Eve preparations to occur in my apartment, she made plans to meet Rose at a store or boutique with a name I couldn't pronounce for a shopping spree I wanted no part in. I knew Alice would come back with something for me whether I liked it or not.

In the meantime, I made plans to meet Edward...naked...in the tub, with the basketful of Kiehl's bath gels, body lotions, shampoos, powders, soaps, and sprays that were Alice and Jasper's Christmas present to Edward and myself.

Genius.

**EPOV**

I made my exit the moment the front door open and Alice rushed in like the Tasmanian Devil with my sister in tow.

"I'll be at Jazz's," I said to no one listening. They were already in Bella's room with her pressed against the wall and pulling clothes and shoes and accessories out of the dozen or so bags they had carried in with them. Bella looked petrified like it was rattlesnakes or rats that were being shown to her instead of what surely were expensive designer frocks. I watched in half-amusement, half-horror as Bella put on a smile and submitted to their demands of, _Come on BELLA, put this on. It's New Year's Eve. YOU HAVE TO_.

I pushed my way into the bedroom to the groans and eye-rolls of Alice and Rosalie. "You can't SEE YET, Edward!" my sister yelled. "Get out of here! You're spoiling it!"

I ignored her. I was used to doing that when Rose got whiney. "I'm not spoiling anything. I want to see my girl." I approached her like a panther approaches it's prey. She was cornered between the bed and the dresser in nothing but a pink thong and black push-up bra. Her hair was a wreck, sticking up in all directions as a result of Alice and Rosalie tearing her clothes off her. I bit my lip and tried to hold back my stiffening erection.

"Christ, Bella," I murmured, running the back of my hand up her flat stomach. "How am I supposed to leave you here like this?"

"I'll be alright. They're not that bad. It's fun for them so, whatever," she shrugged.

"I'm talking about ME, not THEM," I laughed. "Seeing you like this. Fuck." I palmed my hand behind her neck and pulled her body into me. "I want you," I whispered into her ear.

"Are you two going to, like, have sex right here in front of us?" Alice huffed. "Because we need to get ready, too, y'know."

"Stop being so selfish, Edward," my sister sighed and I knew she was crossing her arms.

"Fiiiiiiine," I groaned, releasing Bella from my clutches. "I gotta let you go, baby, even though it kills me." She lifted her head and I leaned down to kiss her sweetly on her lips, suckling on her tongue and humming into her mouth with each breath.

"Oh god you guys are making me sick," Rose teased.

"You're just jealous, Ro. This isn't the way Emmett kisses you?"

"Shut up, Edward!" she yelled but when I twirled around she was blushing furiously and suppressing a grin.

"I knew it!!" I shouted, pointing at her. "You fucked him!"

"Oh honestly, Edward," she rolled her eyes. "You're so crass. When could I possibly have 'fucked him' as you so delicately put it. I haven't even been in New York that long, I just got back from Forks the other day, he works all the time, I barely see him."

"People can fuck anywhere, Rosalie, and it doesn't take that long. I thought we told each other everything."

"And I'm telling you I haven't fucked him. ...We're taking it slow, I guess, I don't know!" she squealed like a little girl. "You're embarrassing me!"

"Leave her alone, Edward," Alice snipped, taking my elbow and leading me out of the bedroom. "Go bother Jasper. You two can get ready together and do each other's hair."

"Can we suck each other's dicks, too?" I grumbled as she handed me my coat and shoved me out the front door.

"Whatever floats your boat, sugarpie. I'm sure you give great head. Rumor is you're an oral-expert," she winked. "Pick us up around nine."

"Yes, ma'am," I saluted as she slammed the door in my face.

**

"Then Mr. Brandon took me into the study and gave me one of his finest cigars. An actual_ Cuban_. Aren't those things still illegal?" Jasper asked, fumbling with his tie. "It was in an air-tight case and everything, _and_ he cut the end off and we smoked in front of the fireplace, just him and me. While the 'womenfolk' took their Christmas tea in the sitting room."

"Sounds like it went really well, Jazz. I'm glad for you," I said, sliding the black leather belt though the loops in my trousers.

"It was a little slow-going at first but once I found out that Mr. Brandon played golf, the rest was easy."

"You're a golfer?"

"Not really but I know enough about it to hold a conversation. He was just really happy to have someone talk about it with. Apparently Alice and Mrs. Brandon don't have the same, um, _interest_ in it that he does, so he just talked and talked and talked and I listened and made comments when appropriate. He has videos of historic PGA games and even knows the names of the players caddy's. It was damn impressive actually."

He turned on his dress-shoed heel. "...You look great."

"Think so?" I asked, sliding down the knot in my tie and leaving open the top button of my collar. I could hear Rosalie's voice in my head. _Simple, but elegant. That's what suits you best, Edward. Your looks can stand on their own. They don't need any help._

Long black tie that landed at my waist, white fitted dress shirt with the sleeves rolled to my elbows, black suit pants without the blazer, a fitting amount of stubble the way Bella liked it. I ran my fingers through my hair and allowed it to stand where it pleased.

"You too, man. That's a slick suit."

"Thanks. Alice picked it out. Charcoal gray, single-breasted. She said it showcases my mighty-fine ass," he chuckled.

"Yeah, I think Bella will agree that these pants showcase my mighty-fine cock." I adjusted my package and Jasper hooted a laugh.

"Well, we better get going before Alice has _my_ ass and _your_ dick in a sling."

**BPOV**

The door opened and before my eyes stood Edward and Jasper, both of them startling, fucking dazzling, like two fucking gods off the pages of GQ. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to take them in. I'd never seen Edward look as outrageously handsome as he did in this moment. It was sickening. He's so fucking beautiful. I'll never get used to it. I knew I had turned pale from the concerned look that immediately crossed his face. He reached out and took my hand in his asking me if I was ok with his eyes.

"JAZZZYYYYY!!!!!" Alice shrieked. She raced out of the bathroom and jumped into his arms, kissing and pawing at him ferociously. She looked hot. Her short hair was slicked and pinned in 1920's flapper-style waves, she wore a black-lace choker around her neck and a spaghetti-strapped empire-waist black cocktail dress. He carried her over to the couch and sat her on his lap. She hiked her dress up her thighs – and I knew she wasn't wearing panties – and was giving him quite the seductive lapdance.

Edward still hadn't entered the apartment. He remained in the doorway, staring at me, not even paying attention to the show that was being performed in his line of sight.

"She's been drinking. Alot. Shots, too. ...Bad news for someone so tiny," I chuckled. Edward acted like he hadn't heard a word I said. His eyes were traveling all over me.

"Are you going to come in?" I could see Edward's jaw flexing, he was grinding his teeth. I put my hand against the doorframe and leaned my weight against it, smiling inside when I saw his chest rise as he sucked in a stuttered breath.

"Yes," he whispered finally. "Just give me a.......wow. …You look fucking..._wow_." His shining emerald eyes scanned down my body, stopping when they landed on a spot that needed closer inspection and then flittering off again like jeweled fireflies.. They were dilated and wide and darting across my exposed skin, and there was aLOT of exposed skin.

"Bella...you just...I've never seen you look this way before. It's not just beauty, it's not just sex, it's...I don't...I don't know what to say other than..."

His tongue flicked across his lower lip and a guttural groan escaped his throat.

I was wearing a skin tight, strapless blood-red mini-dress that ended just under my ass and barely made it to the tops of my thighs. My hair, which was starting to grow out and the wispy fringes were now becoming long, layered bangs, was parted at the side and pinned across my forehead, accenting my natural waves with the help of Alice's skills with a curling iron. The Cullen crest, Rosalie's generous Christmas gift to me, hung on its silver Tiffany chain nestled comfortably between my breasts. This dress gave me amazing cleavage.

Rosalie did my make-up, too, smoking my eyelids a light charcoal and lining my cat-shaped eyes a lighter shade of ebony. I argued and flinched and tried to get away when she came at me with a lash curler, but it did wonders when coupled with the heavy mascara she applied. I had to give it to her. It was the best my make-up had ever looked. She powdered my face and pinked my already rosy cheeks just enough to make them pop.

"I might look like a hooker," I joked, smoothing my hands down my sides. "But Alice insists it's my size." The intensity of Edward's stare was becoming a little too much for me to handle.

"I'd happily pay to get inside you," he said, a crooked grin spreading across his perfect face.

"Wait until you see Rosalie. She looks incredible. I think she's quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"And you _never_ exaggerate, so coming from you that's-" Edward teased and I dragged him into the apartment before he could finish his sentence. We went into the kitchen to give Alice and Jasper the illusion of privacy and I started to make Edward a vodka tonic, but he stopped me.

"I can do it. You serve people every day."

"You're different," I argued. "It's not my job to serve you. I want to do it." I took the shaker out of his hand and kissed him on the cheek. "But thank you though. That was very sweet."

The sound of the bedroom door opening turned our attention and we watched as Rosalie emerged in all her jam-dropping gorgeousness. Her dress was dark blue, floor length, and it hugged every inch of her body. It had slits on each side that kept going and going up her legs until they reached just above her knees. There was no neckline to the dress, it started at her ample breasts and was held up by pencil-thin straps. Her hair spilled down her back and over her shoulders in thick waves and was held out of her face with jeweled combs. Her make-up was simple, the same way she always wears it, except for her lashes. They were feathered and curled and drew you into her sparkling ocean-water eyes.

"Damn, sis. If we weren't related, I'd probably hit on you tonight," Edward said, sipping his drink. "But I'll leave the honor to Emmett. He's going to cream when he sees you."

"Thanks. I think," she smiled, revealing her pearly white teeth. Alice and Jasper came up for air long enough to oogle over her and then it was time to head to the club. Jasper called for a car service so we wouldn't have to take a cab and I held Edward's hand as we left the building.

**

"Holy shit, Alice! The place looks great!" I exclaimed as I walked inside with Edward behind me, his hand on my waist. Thumpa-thumpa music was already pouring from the speakers and the flat-panel TV above the stage was showing the festivities in Times Square. People were starting to arrive, mostly regulars and I waved to a few I recognized.

"It doesn't even look like the same bar," Rosalie said, her mouth hanging open as she looked around in awe. It even smelled good in here. Like berries and cupcakes.

A disco ball hung from the ceiling, spilling endless diamonds of colored lights across the floor and ceiling and walls. They reflected off the glittered surface of the bar and silvery streamers hung in each doorway. Happy 2010 banners dangled from the ceiling and hats and horns and noisemakers were set up on the bar stools. Buffet tables lined the back wall and were piled high with chips and dip and assorted finger foods

"It didn't take that long, either," Alice said, putting on a pair of outlandish sunglasses in the shape of the year 2010.

"You're a goddess, baby," Jasper said, pulling Alice tightly to him and kissing her neck. She squealed and wriggled in his arms.

Behind the bar was Donovan, decked out in a flashy dress shirt and polka dot tie, a cone hat secured to his head and an unlit 2010 cigar in his mouth, cutting lemons and limes and setting up the stations.

"Hey you!!" I called out, making my way around the bar. "I'm so glad you're here!!"

"Yeah y'know, I figured I'd give the big guy a hand so he could actually enjoy himself for once. Happy New Year, Bell-bot," he said, giving me a big hug.

"Where is Emmett anyway?"

"He's on his way. I told him I'd open and get shit ready for the party," D grinned devilishly. I'd grown so used to Emmett's face being the first thing I see upon entrance it was almost unnerving to know that he wasn't even in the building.

"Alright what'll it be? How about we start with something simple." He set out a row of shot glasses and broke out the bottle of Patron. "Ladies, or should I say _beautiful_ ladies, first." He held a full shot glass to Rosalie who took it hesitantly. Jasper handed her the salt and a lime.

"Shake, lick, suck, darlin'" Jasper directed. We all busted out laughing at the horrified look on Rose's face.

"What Jasper's trying to say," Edward butt in, putting his arm around his sister. She relaxed under his touch. "...is that you put some salt on your hand, you lick it off, down your shot, then stuff the lime in your mouth and suck on it."

She still looked reluctant to have to go through a such procedure to consume what was in the tiny glass.

"Do it once and, trust me, you'll want to do it again," Edward added suggestively, shooting a wanton look in my direction. I quivered and swiped my tongue across my bottom lip as if to say, _Keep it up and we'll be ringing in the New Year in the back room with your face in my pussy._

"These guys giving you a hard time?" a booming voice asked from the doorway. Heads turned as Emmett strode towards us. At least I _think_ it was Emmett. I'd never seen him in anything other than jeans and a shirt before. _This_ was Emmett McCarty, Prosecuting Attorney, or CEO, or fucking 'damn I clean up nice, don't I?' He wore a white button down with a black pin-striped blazer and black pin-striped pants with shiny black shoes. It sounds tacky but the thin lines drew your eyes down his body and elongated his muscular frame, slimming his broad chest and thick arms. His wiry, black hair had product in it and was smoothed in all the right places.

Alice punched me in the thigh. She saw it too.

Emmett looked fucking HOT.

He stood next to Alice, who was looking visibly...uncomfortable?...taken aback?...aroused?...by the new and improved Em-Dog.

"Alice. Happy New Year," he nodded politely. "Jasper, Edward." He shook Jazz's hand, then Edward's. "Bells." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Ha, take that, Alice.

"Happy New Year, Emmy," I smiled up at him. He then walked over to Rosalie, and Edward took a step back to give him room. I could tell that Rose was holding her breath, her chest puffed out, her cheeks reddening by the second.

"Rosalie," he began very professionally. "You look beautiful tonight."

"....Thank you, Emmett. ....You look very handsome also." She tilted her head slightly and looked at him through her thick eyelashes. He took her hand in his and ever-so-slowly began to bring it towards his lips. She watched in wide-eyed anticipation as it inched closer and closer to his mouth, until finally he pressed his lips down and kissed the top.

"Happy New Year," he breathed across her delicate bones.

**EPOV**

"WOW. That's all I can say," Bella mouthed over the top of her apple-tini. We were sitting off to the side of the stage with little plates of food in our laps. Alice had taken it upon herself to book a few musicians for the evening as we counted down to 2010, and me and Jazz had already jumped on stage to sing back-up on a classic Simon and Garfunkel tune.

"Yeah," I said, popping a cocktail wienie in my mouth and washing it down with a swig from my Bud Light. It was one thing to know that there was something going on between Emmett and my sister. It was quite another to see it unfolding in front of me without the buffer of imagination and second-hand information.

"Do you think she'll go home with him tonight?" Bella asked. I cringed at the question and Bella stuck her thumb between her front teeth like she could tell that it upset me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that." She reached to put her hand in my hair, but stopped and returned it to her lap. I picked it up and kissed her palm so she knew I was ok.

"I want her to finally be happy. She has such shitty luck with men - mostly her own fault though. She attracts scumbags and then deals with the shit they put her through. There was a time when I was beating the ass of at least one guy a week that either talked to her the wrong way or made her cry or put their hands on her. I sprained my hand twice in one month from that asshole James' fat jaw and he gave me a black eye and a busted lip just in time for Senior pictures." I laughed and shook my head. It was funny now, but I'd do it again. No one fucks with my sister.

"You're a good brother," Bella smiled, putting her head on my shoulder so I could see right the fuck down her cleavage into the swell of her tits. I'd been making a conscious effort all night to keep my dick in my pants, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to last more than a stroke past midnight if I didn't get my cock stroked damn soon.

"Thanks, baby," I said, kissing the top of my girl's pretty head. Ryan Seacrest was on TV freezing his ass off in Times Square. It was 11:35pm. "It's almost time," I whispered. The noisemakers and horns were already blowing and Bella and I came out of seclusion to join the festivities.

"Hey man!" Jasper called out from across the room. He was clearly drunk off his ass and Alice was clinging to him like a barnacle.

"Eddieeeeee!!!" she sang. _Eddie??_ She never called me that. She was tanked. She stumbled over and fell into my arms. "I love you, Eddie," she slurred. "Not like that, cuz I'm all about Jasper, he's the one for me, he's the love of..." she hiccuped into my shoulder. "...my life. But, I love you like a friend. You were meant for Bella. I'm sorry that I was such an asshole to you in the beginning. I didn't trust you and you were too good looking to not be a player. But I was wrong. You love her." She was hanging onto me for support and I lifted her sagging pixie body into my arms to keep her from toppling over.

"Yes I do. Very much so, Alice. Thank you." I walked her back to Jasper and hung her on his shoulder. Jasper winked at me and I gave him the thumbs up. Bella was at the bar talking to Donovan and some other people I didn't recognize and leaned against the wall and admired the way her tight dress clung to her perfectly round ass.

"Penny for your thoughts, big brother?" Rosalie's wind-chime voice tinkled in my ear. She sidled up to me and leaned against my side. "Wait, lemme guess. You're thinking, _I wish midnight would hurry the fuck up and get here so I can chug some champagne and then go home and fuck my girlfriend's brains out_."

I laughed out loud and clapped in approval. "Damn it's scary how good you are."

"Yeah well, I've had plenty of practice growing up with you." She sighed and we stood like that for a few minutes, arm to arm, watching the crowd undulating in front of us.

"So," I said suddenly. "What exactly do you see in Emmett?"

She looked stunned. "What?"

"Don't what me, Rosalie. Since when do we keep things from each other, hm? You know every detail about every girl I've ever been with; my experiments with drugs and men and sex. You've got the goods on me and I sure as shit got the dirt on you so don't you dare clam up on me this time. ...You like him."

She looked away, towards the bar, where Emmett was standing drink in hand. "Don't be mad."

"Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"He told me. Emmett told me that he hasn't always been the nicest to you."

I laughed at that one. "Yeah I guess he's right about that."

"And he's sorry about that. He really is."

"Coulda fucking fooled me."

"He wants to talk to you about it but he didn't want it to look like he was doing it because of me."

"Whatever, I don't care if he likes me or not and I know he was just being a dick because of what I did to Bella. So fine, I get it. It doesn't matter. What matters is....let's cut to the chase.......Are you fucking him?"

"Edward!" she squealed, cupping her hand over her mouth.

I nudged my shoulder playfully into hers. "Don't be coy. Just answer the question."

"Arrrgh! You're so frustrating sometimes!!" She put the heels of her hands to her eyes and that's when I saw them.

Faint purplish-greenish bruises on the underside of her flesh near her armpit.

I grabbed her upper arm and she let out of screech.

"What the fuck are these?!" I barked over the music.

"Wh-what do you mean...""

"THESE," I jerked her arm and she winced in pain. "Finger shaped marks made when someone fucking grabs you like _this_ by the arm, that's _what_," I growled through clenched teeth and there was immediate fear in her eyes.

"How the _fuck_ did they get there?!"

"..."

"Answer me, Rosalie! Who put them there!!"

The music and voices in the club were loud but my tone cut through them all and I knew we were being watched.

Suddenly Emmett was between us.

"Everything alright?"

The question sent a blade of rage through my skull.

"Was it _you_??!!" I screamed, tossing Rose aside. "WAS IT??? Did you fucking touch my sister?!!!"

Emmett put his hands up and took a step back.

"Stoppit Edward!!" Rosalie cried. "It wasn't Emmett. He would never hurt me."

"Who the fuck was it then? Cuz I'm gonna kill them."

"Edward, not now. Please. It's New Year's Eve. We can talk about this later, ok?" she pleaded.

"Edward?" Bella's voice reached my ears and the tension left my shoulders. Without looking I held my arm out and she was there, snuggled into my chest with her hand rubbing my back.

"There's bruises on her arms," I said, my voice cracking. "Someone..." I couldn't finish. The lump in my throat was too big. I squeezed my eyes shut. "Rosalie, please tell me who did this to you."

"Rose?" I heard Bella say.

"Rosalie?" I heard Emmett say.

And then she sighed and I knew she'd talk.

"I.....I went out with some friends. Lauren and her sister.....I haven't seen them in forever and they were back in Forks for Christmas. I'd been stuck in the house with mom and dad for days and I couldn't take it anymore. So they picked me up and we went to a few bars. It was fun. We were having a great time. We danced on tables and sang karaoke like old times. .....And then..." She sucked in a breath and let it out slowly.

"I turned around...and he was there.

"Royce. He was standing in the doorway with his friends. Those two guys that follow him everywhere. I told Lauren we needed to go, but she was so drunk, she wasn't listening, and I couldn't drive. I was scared. So I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I found Denny's number that you programmed in my phone and I called him. He was at his grandma's house with his family but he said he'd leave and come get me. ...And he did, Edward. He came and got me. I tried to sneak out without Royce seeing me and I was almost out the door when I felt a hand grab me and pull me back. Pain shot through my arm and up my shoulder. I thought he pulled it out of its socket. I would have cried if I had time to think but he was dragging me into the mens room. He barred the door and I couldn't move he was holding me so tight. He was kissing me and I was begging him to stop. He was saying the nastiest things to me for I don't know how long. Then there was banging on the door and Denny's voice. I called out and Royce slapped me.

"Denny broke the door down and smashed the garbage can over Royce's head. The bartender called the cops but I made Denny take me home before they came and I made him swear not to tell you. ...I'm so sorry, Edward."

Emmett's face was drained of all color and his fists where clenched so tight his fingers were white. I'd heard similar stories come from my sister since Eighth grade so it wasn't as much of a shock to me, it was more of a familiar throb of pain-drenched loathing and my immediate instinct to hunt the fucker down and hurt them back.

"Oh god Rosalie," Bella whimpered, wrapping her in a hug. Rosalie patted Bella's hair. "I'm ok, Bella. I've gotten worse, haven't I, Edward?"

"Thank you for telling me, Ro," I sighed. "I'm going to kill him, you know that don't you? I warned him and he didn't listen. Now he's disrespecting me." I looked at Emmett and hoped he could read my mind. _And you, man._

"Why the long faces, you guys??!!" Alice yelled, barging into our circle. "It's NEW YEARS!!! It's time for celebrating with the ones we love and looking forward to the future!!! And it's about dancing!!! Come onnnnnn!!!! It's nearly midnight!!"

"Can you ever _not_ be a huge pain in the ass, Brandon?" Emmett roared with a smile curling in the corner of his mouth. I held back a laugh and looked at Rosalie who was trying to do the same. Bella let out a giggle and it all fell apart. We doubled over laughing and followed Alice to the middle of the floor. The house music was lowered and the television was turned up. The countdown was underway and Jasper came up behind us with shaking a bottle of champagne.

"YEEE HAWWWW!!!" he bellowed as we screamed out 3-2-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the cork is popped and there's fizz in the air and the bottle's passed around and we're cheering and laughing and clapping and kissing. Bella's in my arms, her warm tongue is in my mouth, our teeth are gnashing together, I can't kiss her hard enough, long enough, my hands are up her dress and I don't care, no one's watching, I can moan as loud as I want and squeeze Bella's breast and slid my finger inside her, her hands in my hair and down my pants and there's champagne all over us and our friends are around and I'm in love.

"Happy New Year, Isabella," I say, my hands digging through her hair, her fingers scratching down my neck. "I love you."

"Mmm, I love you, too," she moans, coaxing my erection through my pants.

"There's more."

"Ok," she slurps my saliva from my lips and chin and I have to hold her shoulders to control her frantic movements.

"I don't just_ love you_. .......I'm _in_ love with you. ....Do you hear me? ..........I'm head over heels fucking madly in love with you, Isabella Swan." I can't stop smiling as I say it. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Bella's head jerks up and her forehead creases. She wipes the bottom of her lip with the pad of her thumb. "Edward? I...."

"Hey hey I'm not proposing or even asking you for anything more than you've already given me....I just....well, I just wanted you to know how I feel." I kissed her lips again. "...And to tell you that you taste amazing."

Her bubbly laugh echos in my ears and it's all that I need to soothe me and I hold her close and I welcome 2010 and I dare it to give me something I can't handle.

* * *

**Thanks to Christopher Bathgate for his genius song, Do What's Easy. If I ever update my profile you can listen to it there ;p**


	36. Connection reset

**BPOV**

"Heyyy,"Edward yawns, his hands dragging through his unruly, coppery bed-head. He shuffles out of the bedroom and comes up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. He leans down and kisses the back of my neck, nibbling and humming against my pale skin. A sleepy warmth radiates from his body and my skin prickles under his touch. It doesn't matter where Edward touches me or what part of his body he uses, my body immediately responds.

"Whatcha doin?" he asks curiously with the enthusiasm of a four-year old boy.

"Writing my mom an email. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Nope," he murmurs across my cheek. I turn my head and meet his waiting lips. For a few moments we share a simple, intimate kiss and I sigh when he breaks it, returning to my email.

Renee and my step-dad, Phil, moved to Jacksonville a few weeks ago so Phil could attend spring training with the rest of his minor league baseball team. I was surprised at first, expecting my mom to be sad about having to leave Phoenix, but she's never sounded happier than when she's chewing my ear off about Phil and "the guys".

Edward begins to massage my shoulders with his strong, deft fingers. I loll my head back and hum contentedly as the sparks and tingles shoot through my tense muscles. He works his knuckles deep into the meat and I relish the pleasure mixed with pain.

"It's 4am," his sleepy, graveled voice informs me. "Either you just got up or you never went to sleep." I look back and notice that he's shirtless and wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that are sagging far too low on his sharp, sculptured hips.

"A mixture of both," I say. He fucked me so hard last night that I drifted into the deepest sleep the moment he pulled out of me. It took the blaring sound of an ambulance racing down the block to wake me and Edward was still out cold. I stared at him for a full ten minutes before tip-toeing to the kitchen, flipping open my laptop and clicking on an email that awaited me from my mother.

_Don't forget that your father's birthday is coming up, Isabella. You should call him more. He'd like that. He knows Edward is living with you now. I told him. He seemed hurt to have heard it from me instead of you, not that he'd ever admit it. But I know your father. You're still his little girl and remember, you can't choose your parents, just like you can't choose your children._

I rolled my eyes. _Thanks, mom, for the wonderful advice as ever_.

Even though they hadn't separated on the best of terms, my mother and father had remained civil if not borderline friendly towards each other throughout my childhood. Maybe it was the residue of a teenage resentment for Charlie's absence at the times when I needed him the most that I found difficult to let go of. He'd never apologized for it. But really, what did I want him to apologize for? And if he had to apologize, shouldn't Renee? Wasn't she equally at fault for the breakup of our family unit and my ensuing issues with the opposite sex?

Wasn't I a little old to still be dwelling on this?

I hit send and stretch, nuzzling into Edward's bare chest. He's still standing behind me, rubbing my shoulders and upper arms and humming a tune of his own that he's been playing with these past few days.

"Mmm, feels good," I purr.

"Coming back to bed?" His fingers find their way into my hair and I'm up and in his arms and he's carrying me to the bedroom. He sets me on the mattress and climbs over me, caging me between his muscular arms.

"It's beautiful," I murmur as he positions his considerable length between my legs. Its glistening tip knocks against my swollen entrance.

"That it is. I've never seen anything close to its equal," he moans, pressing his way through my wet lips and kissing his way down my neck, across my collarbone and over the mounds of my breasts. I giggle knowing he's referring to my body and not his tune.

"I meant your song."

"Iknowthat. ….And I meant you," he replies in a stuttered breath. He pushes inside me, filling me to the hilt, and I gasp, pressing both palms to the headboard.

"Godddd, Edwarrrrrrd," I writhe. He possesses me utterly and completely. I snarl my fingers through his hair and hold on. We ride each other until our bodies are covered in sweat and the morning sunlight streaks through Edward's hair, shining into his emerald eyes that can't bear to tear themselves away from my face; it sparkles across his skin peppered with its errant freckles, warming as he fills me, sliding in and out and I mooooan his name over and over as I come. It must be what he was waiting for and he grunts and explodes inside me.

Spent and emptied, he lays the full weight of his body on top of me and I stroke my fingertips up and down the outlines of his muscular back while he hums and nuzzles his nose into the flattened cleavage of my tender breasts.

Edward is exquisite. Have I mentioned that lately? I can't get enough of him. I can't hear enough of his melodic voice as he talks about music and history and books and movies and video games. Edward knows a little bit about everything - the observable universe, the crisis in Darfur, the latest developments in stem cell research, that a group of frogs is called an 'army' and a group of rhinos is called a 'crash' - and a lot about most things people only know a little bit about - the stock market, the IMF, Keynesian economics . Every time he laughs I want to cry. I'm so fucking lucky he's mine and I can hear that glorious sound any time I want to just by crossing my eyes and sticking my tongue out at him.

Sure. We've had a few arguments since he moved in – mostly about Jake. The recent topic being the fact that Jake knows where I live and has been doing drive-by stalkings since the day he found me in the street. The day after my first confrontation with Victoria. The day Edward left for Forks without word. The day the lights went out for weeks.

Jake has also managed to somehow figure out my cell phone number even after I've changed it twice and has been texting me incessantly. It's only gotten worse since he found out Edward's here.

_He's living with you now? _

_Do you let him fuck your ass? _

_You never let me near it. You better not be letting him._

_I miss you._

_Call me._

_My cock's bigger, right?  
_

Are guys really this fucking insecure and egomaniacal? I never text back, which only serves to drive him more nutso, if that's possible, and he's confronted Edward on several different occasions as Edward's left the building. Shockingly Edward's managed to remain relatively calm and has merely retorted by telling him to go fuck his mother and given him the clever middle finger. Thank god Jake only shows up in broad daylight, usually in the morning as he's heading to the shop and takes a detour to pass by my building. He hasn't been by the club in weeks, thanks to Emmett and the NYPD.

**

The smell of Edward's musky skin and the stale taste of his come coating my tongue rouses me and I yawn in his tight hold, my face buried in his armpit. I try to stretch but he's strong and won't let me budge. He's asleep and doesn't realize he's doing it. I wriggle and loosen his hold and when I'm freed I look up into his sleeping face, his peaceful, serene expression, his stubbled chin and I stretch out across the bed we sleep in. Together. Me and Edward. I giggle to myself and cross my arms over my head as I contemplate my new reality.

**

"I've been meaning to tell you," Edward says, pushing my bangs from my forehead with the tip of his pinky finger. The covers have been kicked to the end of the bed and he hasn't bothered to pull the sheet over him. Which means he's laying flush next to me buck-fucking-naked and I am NOT ok with it. My head starts at his shoulder and my curled body hugs every curve us his and stops at our interlocking knees. Seeing him like this, uncovered with nothing to hide his flawless and shocking perfection, his finely muscled abs and arms, his long lean torso, his angular hips, the defined sex muscle, his toned legs, and then there's whats between them....my face burns red as I chew the insides of my cheeks.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" Edward's cock is resting on his inner thigh. It's just fucking chilling there. It's not hard because it was just inside me, it's still glistening with the mixture of our fluids, I've seen it before, many times, but not this way. I'm waiting for it to perk up and notice me.

"Are you staring at my dick?" he asks incredulously.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah I guess I was. I can't help it. It's beautiful." I bite my bottom lip and blush into my shoulder.

"You're crazy, you know that?" he chuckles. "aaaanyway, as I was saying...My father is being honored by St. Jude's and the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for the work he's done on childhood leukemia research. He's flying in next Friday for the celebration and he's asked me to join him."

"Edward that's wonderful!" I exclaim, launching myself onto him and pulling his bare chest to mine. I know Edward's relationship with his father is a strained one on a good day - from what I can gather from the very little Edward has to say about it, his father put tremendous pressure on him to achieve the specific life goals he set up, and when Edward chose otherwise if created a rift that has yet to fully mend. I wouldn't know anything about that kind of pressure. My mom is about as proud of me as I can handle, seeing as I work at a bar and live in a closet, and Charlie, well, I wonder if he knows what state I'm living in.

"I'm so happy you're going to see your father," I tilt my head up and smile into his face as he lowers his lips to meet my own. We kiss sweetly and I find myself lightheaded and sliding through his arms, per usual. It's pathetic really. It's not even an open-mouth kiss and I'm already a human puddle.

"...he invited me, with Victoria as my guest." _Oh_. I sag in his embrace. "Stubborn prick. I told him we broke up a million times and that we're not getting back together." He runs both hands through his hair in angered frustration at the man he sees every time he looks in the mirror. "He doesn't fucking listen. He does it just to piss me off."

My dejected expression can't be helping things and Edward rolls off the bed and pulls on his grey flannel pj bottoms. I frown at the loss of contact and the sight of Edward's naked body being covered up by pesky clothes.

"Edward." I try to stop him with my voice but he's headed to the door. He stops in his tracks with his hand on the knob and turns to me.

"I should have told you about it sooner, Bella. I'm so sorry. Please say you'll come with me to the benefit."

"He doesn't want you there with _me_. He wants you there with _her_." Hmmmf. I might as well cross my arms at my chest and stick my nose in the air. _Mature, Isabella, real mature_.

Edward sighs and I immediately wish I hadn't said it. I don't mean it. I'd go to the ends of the earth with Edward, _for_ Edward, even if he told me not to. It's just, _fuck_, it's that fucking familiar twinge of jealousy at hearing her name pass Edward's lips. He says it so easily because he's said it for so long and when he does all I can see is the two of them fucking, Edward inside her, knowing that she had him first and that he'd still be with her today if it weren't for...

He's resting his forehead against the doorframe and concentrating on his hand wrapped around the knob.

"...Right," he says inaudibly. ...Of course. ...Well," he shrugs, suddenly defeated, weighed down and ready to give up. "I want you there with me, Bella,...so...I hope you change your mind."

"Edward, talk to me about him. You never talk about him. Even after he got sick. Even after he got better." I plead. "Why won't you?"

"I..." He twists the knob and his brows knit together. _Come on, Edward. Talk to me, baby. please_.

He shakes his head and opens the door muttering, "I'm gonna call Rose," and closes it behind him. I fall back on the bed and curse my stupid mouth.

**

Edward stands at the stove in nothing but those fucking grey flannel pants that scream for someone to help them as they desperately cling to his hipbones. His taut flat stomach and broad chest expands and contracts with each breath he takes and I stand mesmerized by his ballet dancer-like movements around my tiny kitchen.

He's cooking for me and after our terse exchange earlier, I wasn't sure who was going to make the next move. I laid in bed and fretted; willing him through osmosis to come back to bed as I listened to his murmurings through the door. I don't have any siblings. It's difficult for me to understand the relationship Edward shares with Rosalie. What I need to do is get over myself and realize that, even though he _says_ I am, there is no way I can be Edward's everything.

His cell phone rests on the counter within his reach and I wonder what he was talking with his sister about for the last half hour. Rosalie's working for a temp agency in midtown, answering phones and doing various bullshit office work that she's far too over-qualified for while she applies to grad schools and internships at various publishing houses.

I smell the hot syrup and the turkey bacon and the fair trade coffee. He knows they're my favorite things without me ever having said so. He doesn't think I eat enough. He definitely doesn't think I eat correctly. If it weren't for him, I'd still be existing on Pop Tarts and organic Panda Puffs. It makes me happy that he knows his way around the kitchen and feels at home enough to take it upon himself to cook. It's our place now. Yeah, I pay the rent because he's not working, but he constantly reminds me that he's looking for work and that he'll find it. We've had endless discussions about it because he's paranoid as shit that I'll think him a sponger. I've told him over and over that it's ok. I was living here before he came around and I'd be living here even if he wasn't. I'm paying the same rent as I was before he moved in and I'd happily pay to have his company anywhere. Living here with him only makes my life better.

"I'm sorry," I breathe into his ear as I wind my arms around his waist and stroke the fine hairs on his belly. His eyes flutter and a slight moan escapes his lips.

"For what?" he asks sincerely. "Making me instantly horny just by entering a room."

"Ha, no. But thanks for the ego boost. …...I didn't mean to sound jealous before. I really, really didn't. But....fuck it I can't lie...I really REALLY am."

"It's my fault. I should have told you sooner. The invitation came the other day." He pushes through a pile of mail on the kitchen table – hmm, I should eventually sort through that – and pulls out a creamy starched envelope with his full name in script, _Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_, and Victoria's address printed on the front. My stomach drops.

His mail is still going to her place.

"So...does this mean he isn't accepting the fact that you aren't with her?" It's not completely unreasonable to think that Edward lies to his father to avoid confrontation.

"I don't see how he'll be able to deny it much longer. Especially when I walk in with you on my arm."

"Edward-" I start.

"You're coming with me, Bella. That's all there is to it. ....Don't you think I should introduce my father to the woman I love?"

"Well, when you put it like that," I blush and sway in his embrace. His hands are locked together at the small of my back and he's pressing his erection into my abdomen. _Goddammit he'll always win. It's so annoying._ He looks like a living Greek statue, and his stare, when it sets in is unnerving. It's relentless and he never, ever looks away first. He was that kid in school who always won the staring contest during study hall.

He noses around in my hair, content and murmuring and smelling and letting the dark strands brush across his face. He nudges and I tilt my head up so he can get at my lips and I melt into a quivering pile of Jell-o as his tongue pushes between my teeth and I open up to let him taste me and to taste him back. He kisses me sweetly and languidly, every wide lap of his talented tongue is followed by a delicate peck and a thin line of saliva holding our lips together when he pulls away for air.

I'm lightheaded and weak in the knees and I let the entire force of my weight lean on him, pushing his back against the counter.

"Whoa whoa. Bella, look at me. Breathe, Bella. Did you almost faint?" he asks with concern creasing his brow.

"Uh, yeah, maybe." I feel drunk and he pulls out a chair for me to sit on. He pours coffee in my favorite mug and sets it down in front of me. I drink it greedily. He pushes my arms aside so he can make room for the plates and finally sits down.

"You'll make an excellent, Mr. Mom," I kid, chomping into a strip of turkey bacon. It's cooked just the way I like it. Two minutes from being burnt to a crisp.

He groans and shakes his head unhappily. "That's exactly what I don't want to hear, Bella. It's emasculating."

"Why? The thought of you in an apron is hot. As long as it's the only thing you're wearing." I break out in a fit of giggles at the thought and hiccup on my coffee.

Edward is not amused.

"Stoppit, Bella. It's not funny. I want to take care of you. I want to come home to you and our children and I want to take you in my arms and kiss you passionately and make love to you all night and fall asleep in your arms."

He smiles and sticks his fork in his mouth completely unaware of what he just said and the effect its having on my insides. My jaw hangs ajar as I watch him eat. _Snap out of it, Bella. You're not hearing things. He really said it._

"Children? You want..._children_?"

He turns to me with his mouth full. "With you?" he asks seriously. "Yeah, of course," he shrugs and digs back into his pancakes. I'm light-headed, completely overcome, spellbound, scared shitless. He's so non-chalant about it, like winter turning into spring.

"Bella," he continues with the same confidence. "I _will_ find a job. I know you don't want me to get one just to have one, but really, I don't know why you have such high ideals of me. I could take the night waiter position at that bistro in Soho. Or that bike messenger job. It's work, it's money."

"You're better than that. Keep looking."

He cocks his head and grins out of the corner of his mouth. "Why do you hold me in such high regard? I've certainly done nothing to deserve it."

"Don't start putting yourself down to me." I hold up my hand to stop him before he starts. I hate it when he gets like this, when he whips out the laundry list of his faults and non-accomplishments. It's his father talking and it breaks my heart.

"Once I turn twenty-five," he mumbles, pushing his fork around his plate.

"What happens when you turn twenty-five?" _Oh Edward, so mysterious today_.

"I collect my trust. My inheritance. So does Rosalie."

_Hm, I think I remember him mentioning something about that. Big Daddy Cash._

"And...how much is that?"

"Ten million."

_I'm sorry, say that into my good ear. Fucking what????_

"Oh. So like, five and five." For you and your sister.

"No. Like, ten and ten." He's not looking at me as he says it and I'm glad because my eyes are wide as saucers, his least favorite look of mine because he says it means that I'm shocked/mortified/appalled over something I've recently learned about him.

He's right as rain about the shocked part. I knew he came from money, a lot of money, but not the kind of money that produces twenty mill inheritances. How much are they paying doctors these days anyway?

"I've very glad you've agreed to accompany me to my father's reception, Bella. It's a great comfort to know that I will have you there by my side. You have no idea. ...My father and I..." there's immediate struggle in his throat. "We haven't always seen eye to eye."

I reach across the table and pick up his hand. It's warm and soft and he brushes the pad of his thumb over my knuckles. I sense a moment of clarity on the horizon.

"After his...illness..." He says it like he's not sure if he's using the right word. "I thought he would ease up on me. There was one night where he was delirious from the pain and he talked about the past, his past, what it was like growing up under my grandfather's iron fist. I don't think he knew who he was talking to or that anyone was there with him, but I sat and listened to him for hours. I learned more about my father in that one night than I have in my entire life. He's a brilliant man. And out of that brilliance grew arrogance, pride, lordliness, a sense of ownership over all he comes into contact with – people _and_ things."

I'm quiet as he shares. It's the most he's said about his father since he got back from Thanksgiving with his family and I don't want to miss a word.

"Bella. I'd like to go back with my parents when they returns to Forks."

"You...would?" I gulp, suddenly sick to my stomach.

"Yes. I need to clear up a few things that I've left...unattended."

Huh? Unattended? What the fuck is he talking about? It's presumptuous of me to think I know everything about Edward Cullen but...I sort of thought I did. The important stuff at least. Enough to know whether or not he has "unattended" business that needs to be "cleared up".

I shake off the shock and smile brightly hoping he can't see through the fakery. "Yeah yeah of course. That's fine. I've um, I promised Emmett I'd take some extra shifts and, y'know, I have the Foer workshop next month to prepare for so, yeah, baby...you go. I'll be here when you get back. As usual."

Before I can process it Edward is up and on my side of the table, lifting me to a standing position and cradling my face between his hands.

"Bella," he whispers. he sounds borderline angry with me, his mouth fluttering over mine ever so lightly so I can taste the sweet syrup on his lips. "Shut up and ask for the time off. Missing you is not something I ever plan on doing again as long as it's in my power to avoid it."

* * *

**yeeeah ok i know i know - the entire chapter took place either in the bedroom or the kitchen. lol. oh well. we'll move them around soon.  
**

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	37. This morning blue

The only thing I know is true  
Is when I close my eyes at night  
The only thing I see is you  
And I believe that we can see it through  
And I'm praying that you see it too

Joe Purdy – _This Morning Blue_

**EPOV**

"Edward, call me on the office phone. I can't talk on my cell here."

Rosalie gave me the number. I hang up and redial.

"Good morning, J. Walter, this is Rosalie."

"..."

"Edward?"

"...Yeah."

"What's the matter?"

"They placed you at J. Walter Thompson?"

"Yeah why?"

"On Lexington Avenue?"

"Yes, Edward. _Why?_"

"That's Victoria's agency."

"Shut up. ...Are you serious??"

"I think I'd know. I did work there after all. ...Have you seen her?"

"No, thank god. It's a giant company though. There's three hundred people in this building alone. She might be on another floor."

"Did you get dad's invitation?"

"To the benefit? Yeah. It came yesterday."

"He sent mine to Victoria's place," I sigh, running my fingers through my bedhead and standing in front of the open fridge door. "What an asshole."

"_He_ didn't do it, Edward. Do you really think daddy sat at the dining room table and filled out two hundred invitations?" she chuckled quietly into the receiver. "His secretary, Irina, sent out the invitations."

"Well she_ invited_ me with _Victoria_ as my guest," I hiss. "Her fucking name is printed on the place-card next to mine like we're-"

"...That's probably because she thinks you're still together. You have been since she started at daddy's office forever ago."

"And how'd she know your address? You've moved like twelve times since you got here," I snicker. All to be closer to Emmett, I might add, but I leave that comment to myself.

"You're hilarious, you know that. Maybe it's because I actually call home once in awhile and let people know where I am. And by the way I've only moved twice. I couldn't live in a hotel forever and I sure as shit wasn't moving in with you and Bella."

"Anyway," I dismiss her. " Are you bringing Emmett?"

She groans. "I guess so. I want to but they don't even know about him yet-"

"And what better time to introduce Doctor and Misses Cullen to their hunky, beefcake of a future son-in-law than at our father's benefit dinner for childhood leukemia? He can't very well cause a scene with hundreds of possible benefactors in attendance. How can they celebrate his achievements in cutting-edge development technology towards a cure if he's got Emmett in a headlock?"

"You're quite the comedian today. ....Besides, we're just _seeing_ each other," she retorts in a low voice, shuffling papers around and trying to remain professional.

"Seeing each other naked, y'mean."

"_Edward!_" she gasps and then giggles in her windchime voice. "...Are you bringing Bella?"

"You know it," I crow. "They can suck it if they don't like it."

"I'm glad you're bringing her. She's good for you. …Hey did you know it's $5,000 a _ticket_? Isn't that_ insane_? There's going to be raffles and an auction and all the proceeds are going to the laboratory that's opening in the new cancer wing at Cedars-Sinai. They're dedicating the wing to daddy, Edward...next month...in California. The Cullen Cancer Wing."

"Holy shit. I didn't know that. Sounds like a big deal."

"Indeed. ...Ok I gotta run. There's a delivery guy standing here staring at me. I'll call you later."

I hang up the phone and set it on the counter and decide to make breakfast for Bella. I didn't mean for our conversation to go all weird earlier. I just hate the fact that Victoria keeps showing up in our lives and making Bella all fucking insecure and shit. I need to do something drastic to make it clear to her that she's the only one I want, no matter how hard I'm being pushed in another direction by my father and his fucking secretary.

Only her. Only Bella. Never anyone else ever again for the rest of my life.

_...the rest of my life._

I crack a few eggs from the carton labeled "Pete and Gerry's Organic Eggs: Organically produced in the fresh air of the White Mountains of New Hampshire" into a bowl and scramble them with a fork. _Where the fuck does she find this stuff? Organic hens?_ I chuckle to myself.

I know how it looks. Why would a proud, independent woman like Bella want to attend a stuffy event honoring my father if she wasn't invited? Especially when Victoria _was_. No matter what I say, she's going to feel inferior. She's going to feel like my father doesn't want her there. That he doesn't want us together.

Bella. Inferior. Ridiculous. She's the most unique being I have ever met, and she looked so sad when I told her; trying unsuccessfully to hide it behind that pretty mask of hers; those deep brown doe eyes. Jutting her chin out and smiling, pretending like it doesn't bother her.

Rose is right. Bella's good for me.

_...too good._

She wants to know more about my father in the hopes of learning more about me. It must seem strange to her that our relationship is so volatile, at times so non-existent, when at the same time he's being honored by the prestigious upper echelon of the medical community.

What does she hope to discover? That from thirteen years old I did enough drugs, rebelled in every way possible, made myself sick, put myself in danger in various forms ranging from stealing Denny's dad's Harley and racing it down the main street of Forks in the middle of the afternoon without a helmet, to being dropped on the pavement outside the ER by Newton who fucking sped off after I took too many hits of acid in his basement and started carving a treasure map into my arm with a butter knife.....all in the hopes that my behavior would somehow make my dad want to be with me? He's a doctor. He fixes people. He finds cures. He saves lives. He was always talking about his "cases" and his "patients" with more love than he ever showed his "son". He was gone all of the time "helping people" and when he came home it was time for quiet, time for him to relax, not time for more problems, no more questions, only success. _You do as you're told. You're a Cullen. It's what's expected. You're grandfather built his practice up from nothing through hard work and determination. He was an immigrant who fought to get an education and succeeded when the odds were stacked against him. The odds are in your favor, Edward, and I won't have you disgracing his name, his legacy, with anything less than perfection._

The problems of an average teenager, the class system that existed in every high school that isolated and divided winners from losers, the competition for girls and boys and grades. The homework. The hormones. These were the petty trivialities of an under-stimulated mind and he had patience for none of it.

_Give your excuses to your mother. They'll do you no good with me._

_There is no such thing as average in a successful world. That word does not exist in this house, Edward. Turn that music down._

Getting A's was nothing to be proud of. It was to be expected. So when I failed, I did it on purpose. Most kids had to work hard to get good grades. I worked hard to sabotage them.

Whatever it took to get his attention.

**

**

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What is it?"

"What is what?"

"You're giggling. What's so funny?"

"Am I? I didn't realize."

"Well you are. It's cute as hell but you're killing me here. What are you thinking?" I wrap my fingers around her slender wrist and pull her naked body flush to my side, swiping her damp, knotted hair from her face.

She's still catching her breath in shallow bursts and inhaling deeply as she traces circular patterns over my rib cage with the tips of her fingers.

"I'm thinking about what we just did, and how good it felt."

I can't see her face but I know she's blushing. I can feel the heat of her cheek against my skin.

"I'm thinking about how you make me feel things I didn't know possible, how you know my body better than I know it myself, better than anyone does. You touch me like you've been doing it for years and each time is like the first. You never fail to take my breath away with just one look, just one sweep of your finger over my skin. ...I'm thinking about how you satisfy me in every way imaginable; sexually, emotionally, intellectually and how, when I first met you, I thought you were untouchable, so much larger than life, but now, lying next to you...you're not that big."

"Gee thanks."

"No," she giggles again, kissing her way up my chest. "That's not what I mean. You're big where it counts, trust me. What I _mean_ is...I thought you were so far out of my league, that I would never have a chance to be this way with you, like how we are now. There was so much of you that I wanted to get to know, mentally and physically, and every time I opened my mouth I sounded like an idiot. How could I ever be enough for you? I used to think..._how could he ever feel the same way about me that I feel about him_? And fucking _look_ at you, Edward. You know you're gorgeous. You have to know. It's fucking intimidating. I couldn't even look at you without blushing."

"You still can't," I tease, rolling onto my side and grinding my hardness into her stomach. Her eyelids flutter shut and she bites down on her bottom lip.

"See what I mean? You're doing it again. You've been doing it every second since the moment we met."

"Doing what?"

"THAT. What you're doing right now?"

"Bella, I'm not doing anything. Look," I pull away to the edge of the bed. "There. I'm not even touching you."

"It doesn't matter," she pouts. "You're still doing it."

I groan loudly and roll back onto my back. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That makes it even sexier."

"You're making me paranoid. Can you please tell me what it is I'm doing?"

"I can't explain it."

"Try."

She exhales a long stream of air from her mouth and sucks it back in. "...You dazzle me, ok? That's what it is."

"I do? I don't even know what that means."

"Yeah? Well, good. Cuz I don't want it to ever change and if you know what you're doing then you might try to, I dunno, use it to your advantage or something...and it's so much hotter when you do it without realizing."

"Fine, baby. Whatever you say. I'll try to continue to _dazzle_ you without knowing it." I press my lips to her forehead and run the backs of my fingers down her smooth neck. She moans softly under my touch and I have to stifle the urge to take her again right here right now. "...We should get ready. Cocktail hour starts at six."

**BPOV**

"Hey, where is this thing anyway? Is it going to be fancy?" I call out from the bathroom where I'm standing in bra and underwear and methodically removing my lip and tongue ring and limiting the amount of earrings to one small stud in each lobe.

"I think it's pretty safe to assume that it's going to be fancy," Edward answers from the bedroom. "It's at the Four Seasons."

I take a cleansing breath, _that sounds posh_, and ponder what to wear.

"Hey you don't have to do that," Edward says, coming up from behind in nothing but a pair of fuck-off-hot black boxer briefs. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on top of my head. Our reflection in the mirror makes my heart skip a beat. His intense jade-green eyes shine. His mass of unruly think bronze hair set against his flawless skin and stubble. His immaculate definition.

And then there's me. All weird angles and jagged edges. All awkward poses and distraction.

"Maybe. But I really should. I'm sure Four Seasons management has a limit on the amount of visible piercings and tattoos they'll allow in their ballrooms," I snort and roll my eyes.

He sighs and his minty breath wafts under my nostrils.

"I told you, Isabella, to be yourself. Your _stunning_ self. You don't have to pretend you're someone you're not. _This," _he fingers a long strand of jet black bang that's framing my face and stops at my chin. "...is who you are. This is how I fell in love with you. Don't ever fucking change. Not for me, not for them, not for anyone."

Godfuckingdammit I love this man.

I turn in his arms and look up into his heavenly face. I appreciate that. I do. His words soothe me like a salve. But I'm not doing it for them. Or for him.

I'm doing it for me.

"I love you. And thank you for that. Your support means everything to me. But I never want to count on how I express myself externally to speak for who I am on the inside. These things I have done to myself," I tongue the hole under the ridge of my bottom lip left by my silver lip ring and run my hand over the tattoo on my hip."They're just extensions of the creative need to blow off steam. I don't regret them in the least, but I won't allow them to rule my life. That would defeat the purpose of why I put them there. I can't give them that much credit or allow their existence to have influence over my decisions."

There's a stony stunned silence left in the room after the echo of my last word dissipates, and the pressure of Edward's grasp around my waist increases.

"Fuck you, Isabella Swan," he growls, pulling me into the bedroom with force.

"Oh yeah?" I swallow, my heart racing with sudden excitement and arousal.

We stop at the edge of the bed and he whips me around, forcing me roughly into his arms, his breath staggered, his chest heaving. "You don't know what you do to me, do you? With simple words, you level me, you drive me crazy, you-" he cuts his sentence short with a tortured snarl and crashes his lips to mine, maddeningly precise, moaning, nipping, teeth gnashing, his hands tearing through my hair. He pulls back leaving us both breathless and repeats, with a smirk, "Fuck. You."

His eyes are dark, his pupils huge and I want him. He finds the back of my bra and deftly unlatches the clasp freeing my breasts. His hand follows his stare down my body and his thumbs graze my nipples. He squeezes. I hiss and the corner of his mouth lifts. He dips his fingers into the front of my panties, teasing my wetness and circling his thumb over my clit.

I stand on my tip-toes and brush my lips over his. "Prove it, Edward" I taunt. "_fuck me_."

"Is that a dare, _Miss_ Swan?"

"Only if you want it to be, _Mister_ Cullen."

He pushes me onto the mattress and I bounce to the center. I brace my weight on my arms and part my legs slightly. He's still standing at the edge, looking down at me with his fingers stretching at the elastic waistband of his boxers.

"Oh, I want it." he licks his lips and climbs up the mattress towards me. I squeal and scoot closer to the headboard just out of reach.

"Where do you think you're going?" He grabs my ankle and pulls me underneath him pinning me in place. He places a firm kiss in the center of my forehead and I hear him mutter, _God I love you_, against my skin. I push his boxers over his ass and shimmy them down his legs.

"Now that you've got me, what do you intend to do with me?" I squirm and wriggle, egging him on. "Tame me, Edward."

A low, feral growl bubbles up from his throat and without warning he's pushing inside me to the base of his long cock in one long swift motion. I gasp and clasp my ankles at the small of his back as he begins his powerful rhythmic thrusts. He pauses briefly when he's fully sheathed inside me to nuzzle into my face and neck. I giggle at his ability to be silly and tender while he's fucking me.

"So good, Bella, fuck you feel so fucking good. Can't get enough. It's never enough." He utters these short fragmented thoughts that I'm not sure he knows he's saying out loud but our eyes are locked together as our bodies rock as one and I lift my head from the pillow to press his lips to mine.

"I love you, Edward. You feel so good. Don't stop."

He shakes his head and I know he's trying to keep his orgasm at bay. Growling he lifts my leg to his shoulder and pumps into me. I yelp at the sensation of his hips flush with mine and the fullness of his length buried deep inside me.

"I'm close, oh god Edward, close," I moan, digging my nails into the back of his neck and getting off on the way his face winces in pain.

"I can feel you coming. Come for me, Bella. I won't come until you do," he swallows and nods his forehead against mine. I can see his stomach muscles clenching. The sight of our bodies connected, of his cock sliding in and out of my swollen heat, is enough to send me over the edge and I shudder.

He's clawing at the bedsheet on either side of me and I know he's ready. I lift my hips from the mattress to meet his final thrust. He grunts and curses and calls out my name as fills me with his warm seed. His liquid seeps between my legs and we lay in the stickiness of our bodily fluids and inhale the distinct smells of our sex...and it's pure uncensored bliss.

**

The cab lets us out on 57th and Park and the doorman holds the door open as we step out. Edward hands them both a pair of folded bills and the driver and the doorman nod in thanks.

"You look like a goddess," Edward whispers in my ear as he wraps his arm around my waist and guides me inside the impressive 52-story building. I'm wearing a Donna Karan dress that Alice bought me during her last visit to Greenwich because she "loves me and couldn't resist". I don't know where she got it or how much she paid. All I know is that it had the word 'couture' in it. It's charcoal sleeveless taffeta that gathers at the side with a bow and a deep v-back. I mixed it with a pair of metallic Jimmy Choo peep-toe platforms that I found on clearance the one time I went to Bloomingdales.

"This way, sir," the doorman gestures, holding open the large glass door that leads into the hotel lobby. As soon as we've entered we're greeted by a short, excitable man in a dapper suit bearing the Four Seasons emblem.

"Welcome to the Four Seasons, sir. Madam. I think you will find that we have any and all the amenities you could wish for to make your stay here as pleasurable as possible. We are three blocks from Central Park and within a half-mile radius of Carnegie Hall, Saks Fifth Avenue, Rockefeller Center...."

I look curiously at Edward as the round-faced man launches into his pitch and recitation of the hotels accommodations. Edward stands stoically and is listening politely as the man goes on and on about the 24-hour concierge service, full-service gym, state of the art entertainment system.... My attention drifts up towards the onyx ceiling overhead and the breathtaking pillars that are holding it up.

"We're here for the Cullen Gala," Edward finally says, breaking the trance of both myself and the chatty-Kathy.

"Ah yessss. Of course, sir. And you are?"

"_Edward_ Cullen."

The stout man's beady eyes widen and his jaw slacks. "Oh my. Of course. Right this way. Please. Follow me. Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"

"You can show me directly to my parents. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Of course, sir. Right away."

He walks quickly and leads us down the grandiose corridors. Edward takes my hand in his and squeezes gently.

"Does he say anything but 'of course'?" I snicker into Edward's shoulder.

The corner of Edward's mouth turns up in a crooked smile and he shakes his head. "He knows better."

The sound of echoing voices and music and clinking of glasses and laughter grows louder as we turn a corner and head down another hallway. The lush carpeting under my feet makes walking in these heels a bit of a challenge but holding onto Edward's strong arm steadies me. He looks exquisite in his black Dolce and Gabbana suit, fitted perfectly to his perfect body, thin black tie, shined black shoes, crisp white shirt, mussed hair, just the right amount of stubble. He smells like Kiehl's herbal body wash and lotion and his own natural musky scent.

"The Gala is being held in the Cosmopolitan Suite, Mr. Cullen. The Hotel's largest event space." We stop at the end of the hall in front of floor to ceiling ornate double doors. Mr. Man grabs the knobs and shoves the doors open revealing the opulent banquet hall inside. I suck in a gasp as we enter the magnificent room and I'm immediately handed a glass of champagne from a white-gloved waiter.

"Thank you," I say.

"Ma'am."

Edward takes one as well as we weave our way through the tables. The carpet is taupe-colored, the walls are dark wood with onyx-inlay. The music is louder yet muffled by the voices filling the cavernous room.

The room fits around two hundred people and is filled to capacity. People are milling around with glasses in their hands. Each table is set with a lush flower arrangement and long, thin candle centerpieces.

At the very back of the room is a raised stage with a beautiful grand piano situated in the middle. Edward takes my hand and leads me towards it. There's a decent sized dancefloor in front of it and I have a better footing walking across it's slick surface.

"Your parents are in the side salon, Mr. Cullen." Our friendly tour guide points to a door off to the side. "Enjoy the evening, sir. Madam, you look stunning. Enjoy your evening." I smile and let him take my hand and suddenly I want him to take me with him, out of this room, out of this night. I feel lightheaded. I'm beginning to perspire. All at the thought of meeting Edward's parents in the very, _very_ near future. I hadn't let myself think too much about it the week leading up to tonight, I figured I'd just stay glued to Edward's side or follow Rosalie around, but now I wish I had. I wished I'd prepared something clever and charming to say to them, I wish I practiced the firmness of my handshake.

"Edward," I croak, clutching his upper arm. "I..." _Rosalie. Where's Rosalie? Why didn't we come with Rosalie? I can't do this._

"Bella? Are you alright? You're shaking?" Edward faces me and takes both of my hands in his.

I look him in the eye through my mascara-ed lashes. "....I'm nervous."

"I know you are. But please, baby, you don't have to be. Everything's going to be fine. You are so fucking beautiful and I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Edward. but...what was I thinking showing my face here? ...I...this...it's not..." I lower my gaze to admire his long fingers.

"Bellabellabella, look at me," he lifts my chin and his face falls when he sees the saddened expression on mine. "Oh god, my love. You'll never know how special you are to me. Your _face," _he closes his eyes and kisses me sweetly on the lips. "It belongs here," he continues. "You were meant to walk these halls, Isabella. You were meant to enter these rooms and be a part of these surroundings. But know this, my darling," he sighs and rests his forehead against mine. "_nothing here is better than you_. _You_ are the finest attraction."

"Well well well. Isn't _this_ a...._pleasant_ surprise."

Our heads turn towards the source of the familiar raspy voice. My insides cringe before they land on her face and I hear Edward's reaction in my ear.

_Fuck._

He stands at my side and drapes his arm around my shoulder, tracing his thumb over my collarbone.

I smile inwardly and step into his embrace as he clears his throat and speaks.

"Hello Victoria."

* * *

**I've taken a few liberties with the description of the inside of the Four Seasons. Unfortunately, I've never had the occasion to go there. *grumble***

**This is obviously just the beginning of the evening. More to follow soon! Pls review if you like where this is going and even if you don't!**

**oh and I didn't spell check this guy. sry.  
**


	38. A sword and a stone

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

Oh, love is so good  
When you're treated like you should be  
The sky goes on forever in a symphony of song

And how the water can flow  
Like it's streaming outta fountains  
And all you got to do is find a sword and a stone

- _Undertaker_, M. Ward

**BPOV**

_"Well well well. Isn't this a....pleasant surprise."_

_**  
_

"Why would it be a _surprise_?" Edward continues, giving Victoria a classic eyebrow raise. "This is my father's benefit. _I'm _expected to be here. The _surprizzzze_ is why _you're_ here." The buzz of Edward's against the back of his teeth sends a shiver between my legs.

"I came with my father," she answers swiftly, taking a sip from her tall champagne flute. She steps forward - and standing in those shiny black stiletto heels she towers over me -leaning towards Edward to whisper in his ear on the side I'm not standing. Her skin-tight black mini dress brushes against his side making the _swhoooshy _sound of contact.

"...Can I talk to you in private?" she mouth-breathes across his neck and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I might be forced to choke a bitch.

Edward closes his eyes and sighs and I wonder if it's time for me to make a scene.

"No, I don't think so, Victoria. I haven't seen my parents yet, and I'd like to introduce them to my _girlfriend_. _Bella_." He moves me in front of him and wraps his arms around my chest. I can't see his face but I know he's grinning.

"You've met Bella, haven't you?" He kisses my temple.

Victoria glares at me through her fur-tipped fake eyelashes and each one of our hideous encounters flashes simultaneously through our eyes like a searing poker straight from the fires of a persistent memory.

_Once I'm with him, he'll have everything he needs. _I fight back the nausea that comes with the recollection of that day and what it did to my subsequent weeks._  
_

_If Edward wants his bags he can be a man and come back here to collect them himself. He needn't send his errand girl. _

...and I'm about to punch her in the face. Or cry. Or both.

With a superior huff she smirks down at me from her perch atop her bazillion dollar shoes and licks her lips, turning her attention back to Edward.. "Your parents are in the side salon with New Yorker magazine."

"I know where they are," Edward answers curtly.

"Mmm." She takes another sip of champagne and watches over our shoulders at the party-goers, assessing which lucky ones are suitable to spend their time in her presence. I suddenly feel exhausted and depleted, like valuable moments of my life have been stolen from me by an undeserving time-poaching vampire.

"Well," she sighs dismissively. "Maybe we can talk later then. _Edward_," she says, making only partial eye-contact with him. She has no doubt spotted another potential victim in the crowd that needs their soul sucked from their body...and that's when it hits me.

I've finally seen it for myself.

Edward was right.

She never loved him.

All those years that he was hers, the bond that forms when you find someone you want to share your world with, those powerful connections never took hold of her. She never cared for him in any way other than on a basic surface-level. She may have loved what he represented or the superficial "know" that his name instantly brings, but the man, the mistakes, the glorious mistakes, the qualities and faults that make him real, that make him human, that make him Edward Anthony Cullen- those things weren't enough for her to fall in love with. And yet, those were the exact things that made him mine.

_We're like each others back-up quarterbacks. __  
_

As much as I want to slam her into the ground for having the over-inflated self-confidence to show up here and for daring to look my Edward in the face, it stuns me how she's able to find the strength to look away from his beauty.

"Bella."

I cringe at the sound of her voice speaking my name.

"It was lovely seeing you again," she continues. I return her phony smile. "........Oh and," she turns on her heel to look me up and down one last time.. "...Nice dress." With a twitch of her nose she walks away, wiggling her ass and I groan internally at the mental picture of her straddling Edward sweaty and naked with her cheeks flushed as red as her hair.

"I know I know," Edward mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose as he hurries me towards the side room attached to the banquet hall.

"I didn't say anything," I reply through clenched teeth.

"You don't have to. I can read your mind."

"No you can't."

"You're right. I can't. But I can read your body, and it's telling me that you were about two seconds away from clawing her eyes out."

"I'd never do that here."

"Ah, so you _are _a lady after all. I knew it."

"Not quite, But I won't give her the satisfaction of having me escorted from the building."

"Edward! Bella! There you are!"

"Rosalie!" I squeal, spinning around in time to see her hurrying across the dancefloor. Her baby blue floor length gown swishes silently at her feet and I'm amazed at the graceful way she avoids tripping over it. I imagine she's wearing glass slippers. Her platinum-blond hair is completely down, parted at the side with a delicate diamond-encrusted barrette and spilling over her shoulder in thick waves.

"Wow, you look beautiful," she says as she reaches me. She takes my hands in hers and kisses me on both cheeks. She smells like lavender and cake mix.

"Thanks. So do you, obviously."

She pulls me into a hug and out of the corner of my eye, behind her, I see....

...in a dapper cream-colored suit and loosely tied cream-colored tie...his jet-black hair setting off his freshly shaven face...those piercing good looks...

"What are you staring at, Swan?" Emmett grins, showing off his precious dimples.

"Huh? Me? Uh, nothing," I stammer.

_The fact that the suit you're wearing looks like it was sewn to your muscles and there's no way in hell you picked that shit out yourself? Maybe that?_

He leans in to kiss me sweetly on the cheek before standing up straight to face Edward.

"Glad you could come, Emmett," Edward says sincerely, taking Emmett's outstretched hand and shaking it firmly.

"Thanks, man." There's a tone to Emmett's voice that reeks of an apology. I know the tone because it's the same one he had the first time he made me cry. Which was also the first time he took a swing at Jake. A swing that fractured Jake's jaw.

"...Look," Emmett starts. "I, uh..."

And that's where it stalls. He obviously hasn't practiced this one in front of the mirror.

"It's ok, Em. You don't have to say anything. It's cool." Edward smiles, bailing him out and giving him a bro-slap on the back. He turns to Rosalie and raises his eyebrows in a show of approval.

"Damn, sis. You look hot."

Rosalie flings herself into Edward's arms. He catches her easily like she were a ballerina.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispers into her brothers ear, gripping his arm tenderly, and Edward knows it's for the gesture towards Emmett, not the perverted compliment.

"Have you been in to see mom and dad yet?" Edward asks. Rosalie nods and returns to Emmett's side.

"I wanted to get it over with," she sighs. "so we got here early. _You're_ late, y'know."

"Yeah, I know. We got _sidetracked_." Edward winks in my direction and my eyes immediately hit the floor. I feel my cheeks burn fiery red.

"_Edwarrrrd_, "I blush.

"Ugh really, Edward. You're such a guy," Rosalie chuckles. She turns to me and smiles. "Hey Bella, don't worry about Victoria, ok? She's a troll and she's only here because of her father. You're so much better for Edward. I mean it. I never liked her and I never understood what Edward saw in her. Her nose is too pointy and she does this weird eye-rolly/tongue thing when she's talking about things she thinks are important that nobody else cares about." Rosalie imitates the look and I hold back a snort. It's a perfect impersonation of Cher mixed with Big Bird.

"And she treated Edward like he was her fucking handbag. She hung on him and carted him around like an accessory. I mean, yeah, my brother's hot. I know it, you know, shit everyone knows it, but Jesus Christ, he's not a pashmina."

"Um, _hello _I'm standing right here, have you forgotten??" Edward barks and me and Rose bust out laughing. Edward rolls his eyes and holds me tightly against his side. "Alright that's quite enough you two. ...Come on, baby. Let's go show my parents how much better my taste in women has become."

**

My knees are knocking as we enter the small lounge that's also functioning as a press area for the guest of honor and where Edward's parents are currently being interviewed by a reporter from the New York Times.

"Ouch, Bella. You're hurting me." Edward pries my nails out of his forearm and brings my fingers to his lips. He kisses each one sweetly and breathes, "I love you," across them.

I take a deep breath and nod.

It's immediately obvious that the dashing pair in front of me are his parents. It would be obvious to anyone with half a brain. The resemblance is startling. Edward is the perfect combination of both of their finest qualities.

We stand off to the side watching his father answer questions while Edward's mother stands regally by his side.

"She's not drinking," Edward remarks. "They must have had one of their talks before leaving Forks."

The interview ends and his parents begin their approach towards us. I tense up and my stomach rolls. Carlisle looks like a GQ cover model in his classy tuxedo and Esme could be Jackie Kennedy's prettier sister. I assess my own appearance and perform the checklist. My shoes match my dress. I smell like Ralph Lauren's 'Romance'. I reapplied my lipgloss, my piercings are gone. I have a delicate gold chain around my neck and naturally pearly white teeth. I ate a handful of Tic-Tacs on the ride in. I should be in good shape.

"Edward, my darling. You look handsome as ever," his mother gushes, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly. She lets him go after a moment and smooths her hand down the front of his shirt and straightens his tie. "It's remarkable," she beams. "How much you look like your father did at your age."

"You look beautiful, mother," Edward begins. He shakes his father's hand and they exchange a knowing smile. Then Edward pulls me to his side and I know it's my turn.

"Mom, Dad. I'd like to introduce you to Isabella Swan. ...Bella, these are my parents, Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Mrs. Esme Masen Cullen."

I find my voice and extend my hand in their direction. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you both."

"The pleasure is ours, Isabella," Mrs. Cullen says. She is a remarkably stunning woman, shapely, yet not overly manicured or made-up, and with an immaculate up-do framing her heart-shaped face.

"Congratulations, Dr. Cullen," I turn to him and smile. "This is a wonderful event."

I feel like I should curtsy. Would it be wrong to curtsy? The moment feels like it calls for a curtsy.

He takes my hand and raises it chin level. I stand unmovable in the laser beam of his intense presence. He presses his lips to my knuckles and I swoon. _Damn, he's good. So that's where Edward gets it from._

"Edward tells us you're Chief Swan's daughter. I see him in town from time to time. Lovely man. Very honest and hard-working. And you are every bit as beautiful as he described."

_Huh? My father? Talks about me?_

"With all due respect, Dr. Cullen, I haven't seen my father in years. I doubt he'd even recognize me if he saw me now."

"Tsk tsk, young lady. Many assumptions are the result of misunderstandings and pride. The latter far more destructive than the former, but inexcusable nonetheless. I fear many valuable relationships are the victims of thought processes such as those, Miss Swan. We should work consciously towards avoiding self-inflicted destructive behavior whenever possible."

His clear, blue eyes glitter and shine and I can see how, when mixed with Esme's hazel, they created Edward's dazzling emerald green.

"Miss Swan?" he repeats, knocking me out of my daze.

"Please, call me Bella." My mouth is dry but I manage the words.

"Alright, _Bella_," he continues. "I'd hate to see a relationship as vital as the one between a father and daughter be compromised due to the petty trivialities associated with pride and ego. Entitlement - it's a vicious time-waster. Allow me to use my own misgivings as an example. ...Do we understand each other?"

"Y-yes, sir." _ I think._

"Bella, honey, why don't we browse some of the items up for auction and leave the men to get themselves a drink?" Esme fits her hand into the crook of my elbow and begins to pull me away.

"Oh, uh, sure Mrs. Cullen, that'd be awe-, I mean, yes that would be lovely, thank you."

I smile up at Edward and detach myself from his grasp.

"You ok with that, baby?" he asks with a look a severity on his creased brow. I rise to my tiptoes and place a demure kiss on his tasty lips.

"Of course, _darling_. I'll be just fine."

**EPOV**

"Whatcha drinking, dad?" I eye his empty glass as we make our way into the ballroom.

"Glenlivet, single malt. You?"

"Hadn't started yet. Suppose I'll have the same."

"Excellent choice."

"There you are, Carlisle. How did the interview with the Times go?"

_Fuuuuuck. I know that voice._

"Nothing I couldn't handle, Alastair. Talking to the press is old hat."

I contemplate continuing to walk away without looking back, but there's no escaping. I have to turn around.

_Dammit._

Behind us stand Victoria and her father, the white-haired old bean, as my father calls him behind his back.

I shove my hands in my pockets and rock on my heels.

"Edward," Alastair addresses me and I'm reminded of the summer I spent at his place in Tahoe. "Nice to see you again. This time under better circumstances of course." He doesn't reach out to shake my hand and I'm glad because I don't want to touch him. I can feel Victoria undressing me with her beady eyes.

"Uh, yeah," I answer. "I guess it's better here than a hospital."

"So, Carlisle, why don't you join me in the smoking room for a cigar." They exchange a glance and the decision is made. I know what they're doing. They want to leave me and Victoria alone together in this room full of people. Bella's been absconded with by my mother. Rosalie is preoccupied with Emmett somewhere, and my father is in sudden urgent need to go for a smoke with his boyfriend. I couldn't have orchestrated it better myself.

Grown men can be such school girls.

I lean against the wall and sigh, wondering what my mother has done with my girlfriend and if I'll ever see her again. The ballroom is packed and people are starting to take their assigned seats. Which reminds me. I realize I never picked up mine and Bella's seating arrangements.

"Mmm, isn't this funny." Victoria throws down the bait.

_Ok, I'll give._

"What the fuck is funny about any of this?"

"You. _Me_. Here, again. Standing on the outside looking in."

"If you want to be the belle of the ball so fucking badly, have at it. Mingle your heartout. You were always the sociable one at these bullshit parties."

"How can you call it that?" she says incredulously. "Your father is being _honored_ here tonight."

"If that were all it was, then that would be fine," I start. "But it's not. It's a bunch of rich assholes sitting around being proud of themselves for giving to a cause that, yeah it's important and good, but they don't give a shit about kids with cancer. They just want to be seen and they want it to be known that they came out and gave of their precious time and money. ...See the press?" I point at the journalists I recognize. Many of them are from Forks and have come out to similar functions that I've attended with my family - and Victoria - over the years.

"They're not just talking to my father. They're writing up the whole event, and they'll list names and dollar signs. There will be no anonymous donors tonight, you can be sure of that."

We stand in silence for a few moments as the waitstaff bring out the appetizers and the auction sets up onstage.

"I better go find Bella. I'm not even sure where we're sitting."

"No Edward, wait." She clasps her fingers around my wrist and holds me back. For a brief second I think I see the hint of tears beginning to form behind her eyes.

"Please wait."

"What is it, Victoria."

_This better be good._

"I...I just...oh_ Edward_.....What's happened to the man I knew and loved? Where's he gone to?"

"_What??_" I have to laugh out loud at that one, loud enough to cover my mouth with my hand. "Did you just say _loved?_" I roll my eyes. "You never loved me."

"Of course I did. I loved _certain_ things about you at least."

"Like what? The size of my cock? My future inheritance?"

"I have my own money, Edward. I don't need yours."

"You might not need it, but you _want_ it. You're _gagging_ for it." There's fury and resentment and years of built-up pain and stuffed-down hurt lighting fires inside my eyes and I know she can see it. She senses it like a scent rolling off me in waves.

"You think it's about the money, but I know you remember how I used to make you feel. It's so easy for you to forget now that you're occupied with someone else, but you used to be crazy about me. You couldn't get enough of me. Remember how you'd skip class just so you could be on my side of the school in time to meet me when I came out of bio/chem? You'd pull me down the alley behind the gym without a word and you'd fuck me against the cold wall. You were insatiable." She bats her eyelashes and sips from her freshly filled champagne flute.

"That was a long time ago," I answer without feeling.

"But it was real."

"Yes. It was. _Then_. To a horny teenage boy, you were the mother-load. I never denied that, and you knew it. You knew it and you used it. You used it against me, in your favor, to get what you wanted. And I let it happen because I was too fucked up on drugs and fucked up over you to care."

"But we're older now. Smarter. The world is a different place for us, filled with infinite opportunities if we stop being so stubborn and take advantage of them." She's somehow managed to find her way to my side and is pressed against the outline of my body, closer to me than she's been in months.

"Look at her," she groans, nodding over her shoulder. Bella is standing across the room, her hands clasped daintily in front of her as she feigns interest in the conversation she somehow got roped into with a group of my father's associates.

"She doesn't know what she's doing. She's not made for this kind of life." Victoria chuckles haughtily and puts her hand on my elbow. I pull it away but she's not deterred.

"I'm the best you can do. The old Edward knew that. That's why he never put up a fight."

I stare mesmerized at my girl while Victoria's voice falls on deaf ears.

Bella's nodding and smiling politely at the old perverts who surround her. Every now and then her hand reaches across her body to push the strap of her purse up her shoulder - and it's that delicate move, that simple gesture she doesn't even realize she's doing, that makes my heart ache for her. She's the one I belong with. If I was ever uncertain or blasé about my path in life and who I wanted to travel it with, I know with absolute conviction that the rest of my life will have Bella Swan by my side, with my ring on her finger and our child in her belly.

Bella moves her head slightly and she catches my stare with the corner of her shadowed eye. We're separated by a dance floor full of people moving in waves between us, but at that moment we're the only ones in the room that matter.

I wink at her and run my tongue over my bottom lip in a desperate show of seduction. She sees and giggles into her shoulder. Taking the tip of her index finger, she places it between her front teeth and begins lightly tonguing her polished nail. Clear polish. Fucking Christ. My sight is suddenly x-ray clear and I can see the way the light reflects diamonds off the saliva trails on her skin. She must be thinking the same thing I am. And why not. Our hearts beat as one, why shouldn't our brains function in tandem? I nod my head in the direction of the restrooms and she agrees, returning her attention briefly to her party and excusing herself.

"This is who I am now, Victoria," I say as I head across the room in the same direction as Bella. "This is who I always was. You just never took the time to notice and I never took the time to give a shit if you did."

**

I find her standing in the small alcove outside the restrooms, patiently waiting with her back to me, the edge of her ribbon tattoo exposed, and I have to stop briefly to compose myself. I take a deep, cleansing breath and walk up silently behind her.

"Excuse me, miss. Do I know you?" I ask low.

Her shoulder blades flex and I hear her breath hitch in her throat. She tries to keep her voice from shaking but she could never fool me. I see the goosebumps taking over her skin.

"No, I don't think so," she murmurs almost inaudibly.

"Hmm, that's interesting," I respond walking around to her front. "because I swear I've seen you somewhere."

"You must have me confused with someone else." She flicks her eyes at me and her through long lashes I see that familiar want boiling.

"Unlikely," I argue, biting the inside of my cheek. "But perhaps, if I had a closer look it might help to jog my memory." I trace my index finger over the length of her collarbone and she lets out a kitten-sized moan.

Her heart's racing; the blush is rising from her chest up her neck, climbing towards her cheeks.

"You're very forward, aren't you? _Mister_?"

"Cullen. But you can call me Edward all night long. ...And what's the point in waiting? When you see something you want, you should take it."

She pulls her plump bottom lip into her mouth while she ponders the decision I've laid out before her.

".....Yes," she reconciles. "You're right. I think that could be _easily_ arranged."

"Excellent." I take her wrist and pull her into the marble "spa lounge", a fancy term for toilets, and quickly scan underneath the stalls for feet.

All clear. We're alone. Everyone in the dining hall is just now sitting down to the main course – lamb or veal or salmon - while I'm busy serving up an entree of my own. She's supple and tender and cooked to order. She's my exact temperature with just the right amount of spice. She melts in my mouth and she's waiting for me, quivering against the spotless tiled wall, her left leg hitched and bent underneath her ass. There's mirrors all around us throwing dozens of gorgeous Bella's in every angle imaginable. The arch of her spine, the angle of her waist; they're calling for me.

"Goddamnit Bella you look so motherfuckingsexy," I growl into her mouth, shoving my tongue between her teeth. She moans and opens up for me, sliding her tongue around mine, mingling our warm saliva together in languid strokes. She sucks and hums and my hands are in her hair, pinning her shoulders to the wall with my elbows. I force my knee between her legs and grind my erection into her thigh. Her hands find their way inside my blazer and begin kneading at my flesh through my shirt.

I have to have her here and now, and to look in her eyes would be to see the same need burning low and steady.

"Quickly, Edward. Before someone comes in," she cries into my neck.

A low, guttural growl escapes my throat and I shove her into a stall and close the latch. I loosen my belt and tug my cock free. She's hitched her dress around her waist in no time and is bracing herself against the shaky wall.

"_Please Edward, hurry_," she whispers, chewing on her bottom lip, her eyes darting over my body. That's it. I'm at her; lifting her in my arms, she knows instinctively to wrap her legs around my waist. I brace our combined weight against the stall with one arm while supporting her under her ass with the other.

"_You're not wearing any fucking underwear_," I growl as my hand comes into contact with her smooth bare ass cheek. Furious at what she does to me, I slam my throbbing erection deep inside her slick pussy without warning. She's wet and tight and she drops her her head to my shoulder as I begin to thrust, slowly at first but with more aggression as voices begin to float under the door from the hallway.

"_Edward_," she bites down on my shoulder and I cry out in pleasurable pain.

"_Yes, baby, yes, hold on, almost there_." I feel the pressure building low in my stomach. The friction in the small space is intense. I pull out and push back in and Bella's fisting through my hair, searching for what I'll never know. My knees are trembling. I'm close. She's clenching around me and I know she's coming.

"_I feel you everywhere_," I pant into her ear. I'm not exactly sure what I mean by it, but it seems like the only honest thing to say. She's crying out my name as her muscles vibrate around my cock. One more thrust is all it takes and I spill inside her, grunting like an animal and saying her name over and over. She's breathing heavily against the tight constraints of her dress and I kiss her deeply, passionately and tell her I love her between her teeth.

I set her on her feet and take toilet paper to wipe up the come that's spilling down her legs.

"Thank you for that, my darling," I murmur into her hair as we exit the facilities.

**

After the silent auction for the antique living room set and the dozen or so paintings donated from the estates of Joan Miro, Andrew Wyeth, and Andy Warhol, it was on to the dessert portion of the evenings festivities.

Bella and I had opted out of the whole dinner and eating thing, much to Bella's protested concerns that she'd come off badly in front of my parents. After I convinced her that my father was more concerned with what his associates thought about him than the opinion of his only son, she conceded and agreed to make out with me in the stairwell until it was time to re-emerge for the after dinner drinks. In fact, we spent the majority of the night sneaking off to one remote corner of the hotel or another to kiss and grope and fool around. She blew me behind the Employees Only door that led into kitchen and I fingered her between the coat racks while the Coat Check chick was outside having a smoke. I needed Bella's constant distraction and the calming effect her body and voice had on me. She'd become a chemical in my bloodstream. A vital nutrient. An essential element. Part of my DNA, and I wanted to be part of hers.

Speaking of my better half, she'd been away from me for exactly seventeen minutes while the ten piece band set up on stage and out of my direct line of sight for almost six of those minutes. And for six straight minutes I've been standing here, leaning against the bar with a drink to my lips, avoiding anyone that might look like they want to talk to me about a) my father b) what it feels like to be a Cullen c) my future plans for the Cullen name d) my girlfriend, Victoria.

I blanch at the memory of seventeen minutes ago, when that squirrelly reporter from TimeOutNewYork and his Buddy Holly eyeglasses smugly asked me how it felt to be in a long-term relationship with Victoria Hamill, one of America's top ranked up and coming women of privilege. He gave me a wink and a nudge in the ribs and I nearly gave him a sucker punch to the face as he made a lewd gesture in her direction.

"Victoria Hamill is quite the catch, Mr. Cullen. How does it feel to know that your union will merge two of the most powerful families in the Pacific Northwest?"

_Union? Was this guy in a time warp? My patience with this bullshit was at an end._

"You might want to do some fucking research, buddy," I snarled into the young man's pimply, startled face. He took a step back, a reflex reaction to my aggression and whisky-tinged breath no doubt.

"Miss _Hamill_ and I, are history. Got it? Write it down. Spread the word to your cronies and stay the fuck out of my way."

So here I stand, counting the minutes until Bella returns to my side to ease the ache in my chest.

"Here, man." I feel the chill of a glass against my hand.

It's Emmett standing by my side holding out a shot glass full of a clear liquid.

"You look like you could use it," he smirks.

One for him, one for me. I take it.

"What is it?" I bring it to my nose. There's no scent.

"Damned if I know. I asked the bartender for something that'd take the hair off our taint and that's what they gave me. Bottoms up." Emmett raises his glass and I raise mine.

"Cheers." And we drink.

"Fucking Christ, Emmett," I cough. The liquid is burning down my throat like fire. I try to find Emmett's face through the watery lenses of my tear-filled eyes. When I do it looks like mine. He's wiping his nose and shaking his head.

"Shit," he coughs. "What the fuck was that?" he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand and we start to laugh at they way a drink can turn us into a pair of pussies.

"Where's my sister anyway?" I ask, ordering up a vodka tonic to take the choke away.

"She's off somewhere with Bella. They were giggling like teenagers so I figured it'd be best if I didn't know what they were up to. I made my escape while I had the chance. Before I could get roped into being an accomplice to their girly shenanigans."

I laugh and give him an 'amen, brother' nod.

"She's really great, Edward. Rosalie. I like her a lot."

"I'm glad." and I meant it.

"She told me that you're a awesome older brother. Her exact words. Her best friend, she said. That you've always been there for her. That she can count on you first thing in the morning or in the middle of the night. She's told me so many stories about the things you've done for her. Shit, the stories are endless. Unless she's making them up..."

"She's not."

"I know, man, I know. I also know that there's a lot of things she's leaving out of those stories. Like the real reasons why you did the things you did – reasons _other_ than being a model older brother."

"They're probably the same reasons you did the things you've done for Bella."

"Bella's like a sister to me. Closer to me than my actual sister if you wanna know the truth."

"Have you two...ever....?"

Emmett's face twists at my insinuation. "Oh fuck no dude. Never. Not that I wouldn't have, cuz I totally would. She's hot, and smart, and sassy. She's got tattoos and piercings in all the right places, yet she's still got this purity thing and innocence about her. ...The old me," and I knew he meant pre-Rosalie. "The old me would have fucked her in a heartbeat and then taken her out for a beer. But it was never like that with me and Bella. Maybe because ever since I've known her I've been protecting her from one asshole or another. That girl attracts more dicks than Gay Pride Week, dude. "

"Like Jacob Black."

The name purses his lips and a blackness fills his eyes. "Yeah," he sours. "Like Jacob Black."

I have so many questions but I don't even know what they are. How can I verbalize my paranoia? How can I ask him to look into the future?

"Listen Edward. There's something you should now about Jacob Black."

"I appreciate it, Em, but Jasper already told me all about it."

"Ugh, did he go on a whiny tangent about how it's all his fault and he'll never forgive himself for taking her to that awful bullshit party where they met, but that he can't bring himself to fully regret it because he got to spend quality relationship-building time with Alice and 'oh god does that make me a monster?'?"

I chuckle. "Uh yeah, sorta."

"Fuckin' guy," Emmett laughs out loud, rolling his eyes and ordering up another drink. We're getting pretty tanked but at least it's keeping the vultures away.

"In the beginning I thought it was because he secretly had the hots for little Bellerina the way he'd get all choked up over it."

_Bellerina? Interesting nickname. _

"He'd yakk your ear off for a goddamn hour at the mere mention of Jake or the break up or the aftermath. I had to slap him out of it one time. Literally. I warned him that I was going to do it but he kept on.....so I did. Not hard, but in the face and enough to shut him up. He was kinda pissed at me for awhile after but he got over it."

Back up.

"_Aftermath_?" Bella told me the break up with Jake didn't exactly go well and that he went all freak-show on her for awhile. And then there was the pregnancy scare that fucking did my head in when she told me about it. But what did Emmett mean by 'aftermath'? That had some Saving Private Ryan-sounding shit behind it. I suddenly wish I had been drinking virgin Shirley Temples instead of Belvedere.

"Listen to me," Emmett leans into my shoulder and the severity in his marble eyes catches in my throat. My palms begin to sweat and I've never wanted to hear anything more than what Emmett was about to say.

"Are you listening?"

"Yes. I'm listening," I croak.

"Good. Then I'll be blunt."

_As if I expected anything less._

"Edward," he began. "Jacob Black is a Barbie doll compared to his brothers. They are dangerous men who are involved in a variety of nefarious and illegal activities. Do not cross them."

"Well I can't just stand by and..."

"You're not_ listening_. I'm_ telling_ you. I've broken Jacob Black's jaw. His arm. His wrist. I've kicked him out of my bar more times than I can count and for months I walked Bella home every night while my buddy, Percy, an NYPD detective, trailed behind us in his cruiser. ...Bella doesn't know that part. She also doesn't know that his brothers have threatened me every day and in every way possible since the first time I put him in the hospital."

"The _first_ time? How many times were there?"

"Two."

"...how many times have they put _you_ there, Emmett?"

He's quiet, but I know he's going to tell me.

"Once." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swirls the ice in the bottom of his glass.

"I was tossing Jake out of my bar for the third week in a row - somehow he always managed to sneak in on the weekends when the club was packed. Anyway, I wanted to get rid of him before Bella noticed so I was trying to make it fast without having to call the cops. He fought back like a tiger each time but usually I beat him down real quick and he'd run off. This time. though, he brought his brothers. I'd never seen them before but I would never forget their faces. Before I knew it, one of them, the one with the scar down the side of his face, whipped a knife out and sliced open the palm of my hand. It was a really deep cut. There was blood everywhere. I jumped in a cab and went straight to the hospital. Needed thirty-seven stitches but I went back to work that night. Told Bella a pipe burst in my apartment and I fucked my hand up trying to fix it."

"And she bought it?"

Emmett grinned and nodded. He fished into his jacket and took out two joints. Handing one to me he motioned towards the exit and I followed him outside.

**

Freshly baked, I found my dad hanging out by the bar solo taking in his surroundings. Like father like son.

"Nicely done, dad. You owned the room tonight."

"Nonsense. But thank you."

"How much do you think we raised?"

"I'm sure in the neighborhood of two and a half million. Maybe more. If I know my colleagues, there were no shortages of bets on who would be crowned Most Generous."

He takes a long gulp from his tumbler of straight whiskey and motions to the stage.

"Are you going to get up there and play tonight?"

"I hadn't planned on it."

"That's a shame."

I open my mouth to give a sarcastic retort when Bella moves into our field of vision. My heart naturally skips a beat and I will her to look at me. She does and I give her a wink. Her face lights up and she waves before getting pulled back into the crowd by Rose.

"She's a beautiful girl," my father remarks.

"I know," I answer proudly.

"But she's not the one for you. She doesn't fit."

"Oh she fits." heheh.

"For Christ sakes, Edward, can you get your head out of your ass for five minutes? Start thinking with your head instead of your dick. She's the kind of girl you keep on the side. In private. On business trips when there's no one else around. Not the kind you have on your arm. You want to love her? Go ahead. No one is stopping you. But you don't show off a girl like that. You keep her hidden."

"You don't know her, dad. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know more than you think. ...Her name was Magdalene. Still is, I'm sure. Although I haven't seen her in years. I haven't been to Buenos Aires since you were..."

"What the fuck are you saying??"

"I think you know exactly what I'm saying."

"What - what about mom? How could you do that to her?"

"Oh please, Edward. Your mother is no fool, and spare me your newly acquired saint routine. I've seen you with girls. I've watched you take them to your room and I've watched them leave in tears. You think because you've found some charity case who's blown your mind sexually that she's fit to take the Cullen name? Quit deluding yourself and embrace the life with Victoria that's ready at your fingertips."

"I don't _want_ Victoria. How many times and in how many different ways do I have to say it? What's it going take to get through to you? To get through to everyone in this fucking room! To the journalists who keep coming up to me asking about my fucking wedding plans. Why do they still think I'm with her? Because even if I wasn't with Bella, I will _never_ go back to her. Why won't you accept that? _She_ has."

"Fine, fine, it doesn't matter. There are plenty of girls of Victoria's caliber worthy of your time. If not her than someone else. Dr. Clearwater's daughter, Leah, for example. She's a beauty and a Harvard School of Medicine graduate. A little older than you and far more mature, but I don't see..."

"Dad. Stop. I don't want to be set up with Leah Clearwater."

"Why must you be so difficult?" he snorts. "Look around you. You are my son. This is where you belong. You want to carouse around with the girls from the Lower East Side? Who work in bars? Go right ahead. They serve their purpose. But when you're through with them, you wake up with your _wife_, _uptown_ in your penthouse apartment, where you belong."

"I belong with Bella."

He scrunches his eyes shut tight and sighs. "If you say so, but Edward? Son. May I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Did you fuck Bella in the bathroom tonight?"

A gulp of scotch goes straight up my nose and I spend the next ten seconds coughing it up and wiping the tears from my eyes.

"_What??_" I spit.

"Answer the question."

I avert his gaze.

"That's what I thought. There you have it. She's an after hours plaything."

Before I can formulate a rude remark, a spindly Four Seasons employee rushes to my father's side.

"Sir, it's time for speeches."

My father nods and turns to me. "You're welcome to say a few words if you like, Edward. It is your right."

"Yeah well if I can come up with something profound to say about what they fuck you've actually done to deserve this in the next thirty seconds, I'll let you know."

"Very well," he sighs, refusing to give me the satisfaction of rattling him. "...Enjoy the rest of your evening."

My father thanks who he thinks he should and leaves out everyone related to him. The audience rises from their seats and applauds and I remain at the bar and continue to drink. It seems like an eternity since I've last seen Bella, since I last had her by my side. This evening has become an eternity and I'm ready for it to end.

I slide off the bar stool and stand on shaky legs. Shit. I've really had too much to drink. The pounding in my brain echoes in the room, the vibrant colors, the swirl of bodies assault my senses as I make my way towards the stage. People are standing. Society hags, divas, old money, new money. Dollar bills with hands. They're all clapping at my dad standing up there smiling. He won't be for long. I think I hear my name. It could be Rosalie. It could be my mom. I keep walking, weaving through the tables, my destination clear even if my vision isn't. There's a pull on my arm that I shake off without looking. I keep going. I find the stairs on the side of the stage and come face to face with my father walking down.

"Edward. I take it you've thought of something to say?" I smirk and shove pass him, tripping up the first step. The man helping my father down attempts to help me up but I shove past him too. I know my way to the microphone.

It's brighter up here than I expected. Why do they make it so you can't see out? There's only blackness and clapping as I approach the mike. The applause volume lowers and I clear my throat. _Hmmm, maybe I should have thought this out better._

"Uh, hello. I'm Edward Cullen." There's a few stray hoots and whistles. The applause level increases but I still can't see anything. I put my hand to my eyes like a visor and peer into the abyss. I scan the audience, the people at the tables, those standing against the walls and in the back. Finally my eyes land on her. I found her. Sitting at the table two back from the stage with my sister and Emmett and some other lady I don't recognize. Sipping on a glass of white wine her cheeks are flushed. My girl is toasted.

"Bella!" I point and feedback fills the room. "There you are! Where'd you go? I missed you." She's laughing and shaking her head in shock, mouthing 'You're crazy' and looking around at everyone gawking at her. Rosalie looks petrified and Emmett gives me the 'keep going' thumbs up.

"Oh, um, sorry everyone. That's my girlfriend right there. Her name is _Isabella Swan_. Need me to spell that for you, New York Times dude? S-W-A-N. Isn't she the most gorgeous creature you've ever seen? I'm one lucky sonofabitch to have someone like her who puts up with the constant bullshit that surrounds my life. I just wanted to come up here and clarify that, because the status of my private life seems to be the only question you fucking reporters could come up with to ask me all night. So let me repeat for the record. Miss Isabella Swan, I love you, without reason or explanation, without boundary, without limit, with all my heart and with every inch of my soul. You are my one and only. Forever and always. Thank you for changing my life, and for saving it. Now let's get the hell out of here."

I jump off the stage and into her waiting arms. I dip her backwards and kiss her, passionately, unabashedly, with pride, and for all to see until she squeals a delightful squeal, her hands clinging to my back. They're clapping now. All of them. The cavernous room is vibrating with the sounds of their approval. Coming up for air I smile into her face and she tells me she loves my crazy ass and I take her hand and lead out the fuck out of there.

* * *

**Leave me some love :)**


	39. Not like everybody else

**Thank you for all the reviews of the last chapter! it's what keeps me going.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

I don't want to live my life like everybody else,  
And I won't say that I feel fine like everybody else,  
'cause I'm not like everybody else.

But darling, you know that I love you true,  
Do anything that you want me to,  
Confess all my sins like you want me to,  
There's one thing that I will say to you,  
I'm not like everybody else.

- _I'm Not Like Everybody Else_, The Kinks

_I jump off the stage and into her waiting arms. I dip her backwards and kiss her, passionately, unabashedly, with pride, and for all to see until she squeals a delightful squeal, her hands clinging to my back. They're clapping now. All of them. The cavernous room is vibrating with the sounds of their approval. Coming up for air I smile into her face and she tells me she loves my crazy ass and I take her hand and lead her the fuck out of there._

**BPOV**

I'm breathless and light-headed, both from Edward's wet, passionate, lust-filled kiss in front of the entire ballroom-full of people, and from trying to keep up with him as he pulls me through the lobby of the Four Seasons. We're nearly to the front door when we spot Dr. Cullen striding towards us from outside.

"Hello, you two. Dashing off already? I've just said goodbye to Alastair and Victoria. They had to leave unexpectedly," he sighs, sliding his hands into his trouser pockets and rocking on his heels. Another Cullen trait. Edward does that shit all the time and it drives me wild.

_It's official. Cullen males will be the death of me._

"That was quite the testosterone-ridden display of possession up there, Edward. Could you have been _more_ barbaric and perhaps _urinated_ on Miss Swan?" Dr. Cullen chuckles, crossing his arms and looking down his nose at me with a playful glimmer in his eye. I blush into my shoes and sway on Edward's arm. _Too much white wine._

He takes my hand and once again brings it up to his chin before placing a kiss on my knuckles. _Swoon-worthy indeed, Dr. C. And your son will be reaping the benefits of your charm the second I get him home and naked._

"Thank you for coming tonight, Isabella. You were the epitome of style and grace."

_Aww shucks._ I blush again and grin stupidly. Edward looks annoyed by the comment and I wonder why. Dr. Cullen doesn't seem all that bad. He's been exceptionally polite to me all evening. If he only knew what I'd been doing with his son for the last five hours in the ladies room. And in the stairwell. And in the coat closet. And behind the koi fish pond. _Style and grace, indeed._

"Edward tells me you'll be joining us in Forks tomorrow evening."

"Oh how nice!" Mrs. Cullen chimes in. _Where'd she come from? I didn't even hear her approach._

"You can have any spare bedroom you like. Hell, you can have them all. We never use them." She giggles nervously and Carlisle puts his arm around her and kisses her forehead. Edward frowns again and looks away like he's in pain. What's his deal? His parents seem real nice. I squeeze his hand and he looks down. I smile up at him and wink. He grins that dazzling grin back at me and I'm instantly weak in the knees gripping onto him for balance. He rolls his eyes, unable to fathom how he could still have that effect on me.

"Bella's sleeping with _me_, mother. In _my_ room. In _my_ bed. I'm going to be twenty-four. I think I can have a girl sleep over."

Carlisle chuckles and gazes adoringly at his wife. "He's done more in that room than you or I care to know about, Esme dear. It's a little late for us to start exercising our parental muscles, don't you think?" Carlisle glares at Edward with raised eyebrows and Edward stiffens. Ok, what the fuck is going on here? The air between the four of us has suddenly turned tense with Edward and his father volleying back and forth in a silent competition for some unknown reason.

"Of course," Mrs. Cullen says, either oblivious to their behavior or too used to it to be phased. "I just thought if Bella wanted a place of her own..."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," I answer politely, trying to lighten the mood. "That'd be-"

"Her _place_ is with _me_," Edward bristles, and his tone is final.

**

Mrs. Cullen and I had a nice time browsing through the priceless works of art and antiques up for auction that night. She went on and on in her warm, chipper way, describing the tools and techniques used by each artist. I was impressed by her wealth of knowledge on the subject. Each question I asked had an extensive answer filled with examples and comparisons and history and influence to back up her opinions. It was during our little stroll that I learned she used to be curator at an art museum in Seattle. Of course Edward never mentioned it. He talked very little about his family life.

I tried not to act surprised and did my best to ask the right questions at the right times.

Here's what I learned. Mrs. Cullen loves to cook and for awhile entertained the idea of attending Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts in Portland.

Then she got pregnant.

Luckily her children shared her cooking gene, although Rosalie had taken it to another level while Edward dabbled when he was bored or dying to be creative.

"Edward was always sniffing around the kitchen. Even as a small boy. It was the easiest way to get his attention. Fry up some bacon, boil sauce in a pan and you knew sooner or later Edward Anthony would appear, pulling at your pant leg," she sniffled, closing her eyes and tipping her head towards the ceiling. "Or hovering over your shoulder, y'know, when he got older." She smiled a tight, pursed-lipped smile and put her hand over her mouth. "You'll know what I mean when you have children," she squeaked. "It's the little things about them that you remember when they're gone." She turned to me and her eyes were dilated and wet with tears.

"Aww, Mrs. Cullen, don't cry," I said lamely and rested my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, honey," she laughed, embarrassed by her sudden outburst. "It's seeing him here, like this, with you. He's so...happy." She seemed stunned by the revelation. "It's the happiest I've ever seen him. And it's all because of you. The way he looks at you, Bella, it breaks my heart. In a good way," she laughed, wiping at her eyes with a cocktail napkin.

A response alluded me. I blinked at her blindly.

"I'm sorry to go on so, sweetie. Don't tell Edward. He'll think it was another one of my 'episodes'."

"It's ok, Mrs. Cullen. You don't have to apologize for missing your son."

"You're a very perceptive girl." She wagged her finger at me and took another turn about the room, this time passing the vintage lamps and vases.

"Edward didn't have the easiest time growing up. He was wild and rebellious one minute, reserved and shy the next. He waffled between those two extremes for most of his life. A lot of it I blame on myself. His father worked eighty-hour weeks nearly every week, getting his practice off the ground, sleeping at the hospital or at the office, and I was left home alone with the children. I had to give up my job. It was hard for me, for us, for a long time." She sighed and paused to admire an abstract statue.

"I worked at a gallery. First it was just hanging pieces but I quickly moved on to booking entire shows and setting up installations. I adored that job. It gave me purpose. Don't get me wrong. I love my children. I would do anything for them, but I can't _be_ everything for them. Especially to a thirteen year old boy. Mom's are lame."

I chuckled and nodded in agreement.

Esme sighed and turned to me. "So, Bella, enough about my failures and regrets. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"Ohhhh, I'm not that interesting, Mrs. Cullen, trust me."

"You must be for my Edward to be in love with you so deeply."

I feign a dramatic eyebrow roll but inside my heart is doing somersaults. "Yeah I still haven't been able to figure that one out. I work at a bar and live in an apartment the size of a shoebox. Not very cutting edge," I laugh. "The bar was supposed to be a temporary gig while I worked towards my real goal. _Temporary_ has somehow turned into two years. I love it, though. Not gonna lie. It's never boring. I book all the acts, open mics, arrange spoken word and Word Slam nights. I've met my best friends there. And it's how I met Edward."

"And what _is_ your goal, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Uhhh, no, I don't mind. It's, uh...it's to be a writer. A poet actually. But I'll write about anything. It doesn't have to be poetry. Um, anything to do with words I guess." I blush and laugh in embarrassment.

"I think that's marvelous." Her eyes smile with a look of genuine interest and my heartbeat picks up. Any time I've talked to my parents about my desire to write they rolled their eyes like I was telling them I wanted to waste the rest of my life gluing macaroni to construction paper.

"It's just so hard to get started. But Edward got me into Foer's creative writing workshop. If I could be half the storyteller he is I'd be a genius."

"Perhaps you could show me samples of your work? I still have many friends from my days within the arts and cultural community. It couldn't hurt to revive some old connections and see where they lead. What do you say?"

Before I could go all fan-girl on her, Esme was approached by a friend she hadn't seen in ages and excused herself, hugging me and giving me a simple kiss on cheek.

_Shit, even the female Cullens made me gooey inside._

I came out of our brief quality time finding Esme to be a pretty fascinating lady.

While searching for Edward through the dense crowd and trying my damndest not to spill my third Cosmo all over myself, I somehow ended up in the middle of a discussion on the value of eating organic with three crusty doctors from Carlisle's practice back in Forks. They were then joined by two even crustier, even older suits with roaming eyes, and since I didn't know who was who or who knew whom I was polite to all of them, which only served to encourage their analysis of my tits further.

Thank God Edward saved me with his nod of intent towards the toilets.

He banged me against the shaky wall of the bathroom stall, lifting me off the ground and pressing his solid body weight against my heaving chest. I was desperate for him. His heady scent filled my nostrils and I dug my nails into the muscle of his back. He grunted in aggravation at the confines of the stall and shoved harder against me. I shimmied my dress around my waist and spread my legs as far apart as I could manage in the small space. Edward pulled out his cock and in an instant we were fucking hard and fast and around the corner from where two-hundred people had just sat down to dinner. Knowing that only served to get me off harder. I groaned Edward's name and he responded with a devilish laugh, pounding into me and sending me over the edge in under three and a half minutes.

_Most satisfying quickie ever._

_**_

According to a very intoxicated Rosalie, Victoria had been spending the vast majority of the evening eye-fucking the shit out of Emmett every chance she got and she was "going to pay".

At least that's what I _think_ Rose said. She turns into quite the ballsy motor-mouth after a few Mojitos and it can be difficult to follow her erratic train of thought.

"Disrespectful bitch doesn't know who she's fucking with," Rosalie slurred, pulling me by the wrist towards the back of the ballroom. I'd never seen her so drunk. I wasn't sure if I should laugh it off or be concerned.

"This way. I think I saw her walking towards the bathroom."

I followed behind her, marveling at how she was still able to keep her balance in those heels without tripping over the hem of her dress.

"There she is." Rose pointed heatedly through the crowd at Victoria talking to one of the journalists covering the event. He was excitedly writing down her every word in a tiny notebook like she was the fucking Dalai Lama.

"Ugh," she groaned. "Look at her. That slut. She thinks she's so perfect and amazing. I can't believe she was ever with my brother." She bit her lip and looked at me apologetically.

"Shit, Bella. I'm sorry I said that."

"It's ok." But I had to admit, it hurt to hear her talk so casually about Victoria. It made it all the more real that Victoria had been a significant part of their lives for many years. I could ignore her existence in my cocoon of safety in New York City but events like these were the norm in the world Edward's family lived in and I needed to get used to seeing people that made me vomit in my mouth.

"I'm going over there and telling her what I really think of her padded bra," Rose spat, setting out across the room but I pulled her back to avoid a scene.

"Maybe you should have some water first."

**

"Heyyyy, Emmy. You having a good time?" I nudged playfully into his chest with my shoulder. He looked completely baked. His eyes were red-rimmed and blood shot and he kept licking his lips and looking over my shoulder, eyeing the drinks people were holding like they were filled with diamonds in the desert.

"Yeah I'm goooood."

I leaned in and sniffed at him. _Yup_.

"You're high."

"A little," he giggled through the slits of his eyes.

"uh huh. ...You're a _lot_ high," I laughed and motioned for Rosalie to join me.

"And you're a lot loud," he winced, which only made me laugh harder. I love fucking with Em when he's high.

I poked him in the chest with my index finger. "You're such a fucking pothead, Em. Where's Edward?"

"By the bar, talking to his dad. So, do I even want to know what you girls were up to before?"

_Ah yes. Before._

"We were just filling the reporter from the Daily News in on the unfortunate case of crabs and genital warts Victoria Hamill contracted during Fleet Week ," I answered innocently.

"Horny sailors," Rosalie shrugged. "Sad that her long-term relationship with Edward Cullen had to be a casualty of her sleazy slut-moves."

"Oh my god," Emmett groaned and Rosalie and I tore up laughing. Yeah and we high-fived. So what? We're awesome.

**

The plane ride to Forks was long and uneventful. Edward tried to induct me into the mile-high club but the turbulence was making me nauseous and his parents were on the same flight, which made me uneasy and reluctant to do anything to risque. With my luck, the bathroom door would burst open during the money shot and I'd go flying out into the aisle with Edward's jizz running down my face. The thought was kind of a buzz-kill.

Carlisle and Esme insisted on paying for my flight – which they were somehow able to book at a moments notice. Edward said his father has "pull." Not sure what that meant but I didn't argue and promised I would pay them back if it took the rest of my life. Which it probably would since our seats were in fucking _First Class_. It'd never been in First Class anything in my entire life. I'd never even been in the coach seats in the rows that were _close _to the First Class _section_.

It was roomy and they gave us free booze and ice cream sundaes and our seats reclined and I gave Edward a hand job under the fluffy blanket and Edward fingered me to completion in the reclining seat and spent the rest of the flight tonguing his index finger and grinning at me.

Good times.

I fell asleep on the cab ride from the airport to the Cullen's house. Edward woke me up when we arrived and scooped me out into the night air. It was dark but the house was brilliantly illuminated from the outside. The driveway was lined with trees and lamp-posts and an ornate iron lantern hung above the front door. The cab driver put our suitcases on the porch – a porch that wrapped around the entire expanse of the house – and took his tip from Dr. Cullen gratefully. Edward slid his arm around my waist and escorted me up the steps. I gripped onto the massive white column for support as Edward fished his keys out of his pocket. The security system was impressive. Locks and a keypad with one long-ass code and even then there was a trick to the knob. Edward pushed the door open and the lights in the massive front foyer went on automatically.

"After you," he motioned with a sweep of his arm and I slipped by him with a smile.

I tried not to gape as we all filed inside. The Cullen's moved easily and gracefully inside the intense, immaculate space, while I klutzed around in my dirty Converse like a bug on a porcelain plate.

"This is where you live?" I whispered like we were in a library. Everything shone and sparkled like you'd never find a speck of dirt even if you put your nose to the Italian tiled floor.

"_Lived_. ...I live with _you_ now. Or have you already forgotten?" he winked.

"Ok, _lived,_" I clarified, my mouth still hanging open as I processed my surroundings.

"Why are you whispering?" his voice echoed throughout the spacious entranceway, down the halls that branched off in each direction and up the massive winding staircase that lead to the second level.

"Was I? Sorry. It felt like I should," I whispered.

"Bella, stoppit. Relax." He pulled me into a warm hug and kissed me tenderly. He pushed his tongue inside and I opened my mouth with a moan, savoring the sensation of his moist lips moving against mine. He was such an amazing kisser. He knew exactly how to move, how much lip to use and how much tongue. I never wanted him to stop. His arousal was evident and I knew he wouldn't be able to wait much longer before he took me to his bed. There were some things that I just knew about Edward...and the desire to fuck me in his room was something he'd been dying to do for ages.

"Mm, our first kiss inside the house I grew up in," he growled, sliding his hands up the front of my shirt. "The first of many firsts."

"_Edwarrrrd_, your parents are in the other room," I whined, writhing under his touch. He was a fucking expert at working me up with just the slip of a finger or a fan of his breath across my skin.

"Then lets go to mine. _Now_." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs. He broke into a run when we reached the top and I followed behind him as we made our way to the end of the hall.

He threw open the white door that led into his room and dragged me inside, swinging it shut behind us. He was on me instantly, spinning me around and walking me backwards to where I assumed the bed was. He didn't bother turning on any lights but I had a feeling his room was huge.

"Edward," I moaned against his lips. "I want to see you." His hands roamed through my hair and he panted heavily through his nostrils. The backs of my knees hit the mattress. Edward pulled the chain on the bedside table and the room was flooded in muted white light. There were stacks of books everywhere. One wall had a bookshelf built into it that was filled floor to ceiling with books in every shape, size, and color. Another wall was made entirely of glass windows that opened onto a balcony.

"Fuck," I groaned. "Even your room is sexy." I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted myself into his arms and we toppled onto the bed with a grunt. He hovered over me and pulled my drawstring track pants down my legs, kissing his way back up my thighs. I tore at his shirt and he pulled it over his head with one arm and tossed it to the ground.

"God I can't wait," he moaned against my neck. My hands were all over him and when the rest of our clothes had been discarded I bent my knees and bucked my hips and guided Edward inside. He filled me and I stretched around him. A low _fuck _fell from his lips and I whimpered with pleasure. He set the pace slowly, sliding in and out rhythmically, working me to the edge and then bringing me back. I ran my nails down his sides and over the contours of each of his ribs. I pressed the back of my head into the mattress and concentrated on the sight of Edward on top of me. There was a look of intense concentration on his face and I knew he was concentrating on mine, making sure he was doing it right, doing me right. I thought about where we were and I thought about how necessary it was to be with Edward. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew when to fuck me and when to still his thrusts and lean down to kiss me and whisper _I love you_ into my mouth.

"I wish you'd been here with me," he murmured, stroking the top of my shoulder with the tips of his fingers. "Growing up. I really could have-" he sighed and stared at the ceiling. I lifted my cheek off his chest and played my fingers through his damp chest hair.

"Hm?" I asked softly, wanting him to continue.

"What I'm trying to say is....It should have been you a long time ago. This shouldn't have been your first time in my bed. There never should have been anyone _but_ you. God I wish I could change that. If you stayed in Forks we would have met in high school, we would have gone to the prom together and fallen in love on the dance floor, I'd be a pro at sneaking into your room and your dad would hate me for bringing you home late every night instead of the real reasons he ended up hating me. We would have lost our virginities to each other. And so many other things, Bella. You should have been a part of so many other things."

I was floored by his declaration. Good thing I was laying in his arms or I might have toppled off the bed.

"Deep, huh?" he chuckled. "Yeah I know, it's cheesy. You bring out the teenage girl in me."

I crawled up his torso and kissed him on his lips. He was the sweetest man I'd ever met, I don't care who or what he'd done in his past. It would never change what he meant to me.

"We have our whole lives ahead of us, Edward. I'm not going anywhere. We can make up for lost time every day, every moment we're together we'll create memories that no one can take from us."

His smile made the walls around us sing and he cupped my chin in his hand. "I love you, Miss Swan."

"I love you more, Mr. Cullen."

"That's impossible."

**

We padded into the kitchen hand-in-hand, both of us wearing combinations of Edward's clothing. Me in his green flannel pajama bottoms and oversized Redskins t-shirt. Edward, barefoot, in jeans and an undershirt.

"Well, Edward, how nice of you and Bella to join us," Esme said with a devilish wink. "Your father and I thought the two of you had a change of heart and went back to the airport."

"I'm sure it's the time change disrupting their internal clocks, my dear," Carlisle said sarcastically, startling me as he came in from the foyer with a glass in hand. "Isn't that right, son?"

Edward scratched his head. "Uh, sure, I'll go along with that."

"I've got a great idea," Esme clapped. "Why don't we make dinner tonight? It won't be the same without Rosalie – she loves family nights - but having Bella here is a wonderful treat. We should celebrate. What do you say?"

"Sounds good to me, Mrs. Cullen." I grinned at Edward. _Say yes, darling._

Edward fisted his hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah ok, mom. What do you want to make?"

**

A run to the grocery store was necessary to collect the right ingredients for the stir-fry and Edward and I volunteered to take the ride into town. I hadn't been to Forks in I don't know how long and it felt surreal to be back. It was isolated from the rest of the world but it felt safe and comforting at the same time. Edward lived on the very edge of town down a long and winding road that snaked through the lush woods. It was a fifteen minute drive just to get to a two-lane road and then another ten minutes before you arrived at a road that took you to civilization.

Edward made a bee-line for the beverage section to check out the beer selection and I turned the cart down the condiment aisle. I was busy staring up at the varieties of soy sauce when my cart smashed full on into someone rounding the corner in my direction. It happened in slow motion and I helplessly watched the front of my cart make direct crushing contact with the leg bone of the man in front of me.

"_Ahhh Shit!!_" he bellowed, dropping his armful of items to the floor. "Watch where the hell you're-!"

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," I cried out, darting around the cart and rushing to his side. He was bent over grabbing his shin and cursing under his breath.

"I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"

"Yeah yeah I'm-" He sounded pissed but when he looked up at me I was startled by his calm expression. He had longish wavy black hair that hung in his eyes and he brushed it off his forehead so he could see me better.

"Yes," he smiled creepily. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Really?" I breathed a sigh of relief. "That sounded like it really hurt. Are you sure you're ok? I'm such a klutz." I slapped my palm to my forehead and shook my head in disbelief. "Such a klutz."

"No no, don't worry about it. I'll have to drop out of that marathon I was planning to run this weekend, but other than that-"

"Oh fuck. Are you serious??" _Perfect, Bella, just perfect. _ "Shit. I'm so sorry. I feel terrible. Do you want ice for it or something?"

"No." he grinned again and his eyes snaked over my body. I pulled my sweater closed and and crossed my arms over my chest.

"But," he pondered. "I _could_ use a drink. If you'd care to join me, that is. I think that would more than make up for my new limp."

_Um. Did he just wink at me?_

He stuck out his manicured hand. "I'm Royce. And your name is?"

Suddenly Edward was at my side, pulling me back and standing in front of me like a guard dog.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he growled at Royce, his hands balling into fists at his sides.

Royce peeled his beady eyes off me and flicked them at Edward. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, _asshole_. What. The. _FUCK!_ are you doing?" His rage echoed around the store.

"Chill the fuck out, Cullen. What's your problem? Is she, like, your _girlfriend_ or something?" he snorted.

"Yeah she's my girlfriend as if it's any of your fucking business, and even if she wasn't I'd make damn fucking sure you stayed far fucking away from her. I mean it, dickhead. Back the fuck up, _now_."

"_Edward_," I said, holding his bicep and taking an awkward step back. People were starting to stare but he didn't seem to give a shit.

Royce folded his arms and smirked. Edward didn't budge and the ribs and muscles in his back tensed and contracted as he panted through his anger.

This was turning into a fucking standoff.

I gripped the cart's handlebar until my knuckles turned white and started inching it down the aisle in the opposite direction.

"Whatever, man," Royce finally conceded. "There's others. She's hot though," he nodded at me like I was an item on the shelf. "Nice find." He turned on tip of his polished dress shoe and sauntered away, leaving his groceries scattered on the floor where he'd dropped them.

"I take it you know him," I asked as we made our way to the register.

Edward didn't answer. I could hear him muttering to himself.

"That grandma over there was about to call security," I said in a desperate attempt to make a joke. "And you almost made that baby cry."

"They're lucky I didn't rip open a package of plastic knives and slit that fuckers throat right in front of them," he hissed, handing the cashier his debit card.

_Ooooohkay then. Nevermind._

_**_

I offered to do the dishes while Esme wrapped up the leftovers.

I stood at the sink up to my elbows in suds and hummed as I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist and his warm fragrant breath on my neck.

"Would you mind if I went out for a few drinks with Denny?" he murmured against my skin.

I shook my head. "Of course not. Have a good time. I love you."

"Always," he whispered into my hair and pressed his lips to my temple. "I won't be too late."

**

A cool breeze and the faint smell of cigarette smoke lifted me out of a dream - a dream where Edward and I were laying out on a sun-drenched beach - back into the reality of the chilly Forks night. It was dark in Edward's bedroom. The double doors leading to the balcony were ajar and I could make out the tall, lithe silhouette of a man bathed in moonlight standing on the other side with his hands braced on the railing and a cigarette hanging from his lips.

I spent a few long moments admiring the outline of his body like a painter would before placing their brush to the canvas. I rose and crossed the room. The light grew brighter as I pushed through the doors and found Edward hunched over the rail with his back to me.

"Hey," I said quietly so as not to startle him.

He stood but didn't turn. "Hey."

"Have you been to bed yet?"

"Not yet."

He didn't have a shirt on and was wearing a pair of those light blue scrubs that most likely belonged to his father.

"It's cold out here," I shivered.

"I'm hot."

"Yeah you are."

Edward snerked and rolled his eyes.

Then he winced.

_Hmmm. Ok_. I stood on my tip toes and tried to get a better look at his face, but he wouldn't turn to me.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I pulled on his arm. "Edward, look at me. You're acting weird." I jabbed him in the rib with my index finger until he had to move to get me to stop and that's when I saw the damage on the right side of his face.

His bottom lip was split down the middle and the corner of his mouth was sliced through. There were a dozen or so tiny cuts peppered across his cheekbone, which was beginning to take on a purplish hue by the light of the moon. And his eye. His eye was puffy and starting to swell shut.

"Jesus Christ, what happened!?" I cried out.

He took a step backwards. "Shh, keep it down."

"What happened?" I said, calmer this time.

"I had an...altercation."

"A _what_?? What does that even _mean_??"

He brought his hand to his mouth to take a drag from his cigarette and that's when I saw his fingers black and and blue and bloody.

"Shit, Edward, your hand," my voice wavered and I felt the tears threaten to come. "Who did this to you?"

He blew a thin trail of smoke through his lips and pondered the question.

"Well," he sighed. "_That_ was Royce's face." He lifted his wrist to show me his mangled hand.

"And _this-_" he turned his face into the moonlight so I could get a better look at his busted lip, cheek, and eye. "was Royce's fist."

My eyes widened.

"Don't worry," Edward shrugged. "He looks worse."

"How can you laugh about this? You're hurt." I was appalled by how lightly he was taking this.

"Because, Bella, if I don't laugh I'm going to get back in the car and I'm going to find him again. And unless I'm prepared to go to jail to pay for the consequences of my actions if I do, I think I'll stay here with you and laugh about it, if you don't mind."

"All this because some fucking guy _hit on me_? When did you become such a jealous, possessive-"

"Maybe since that _guy_ started _hitting_ my _sister_. No wait," he wagged his finger, "How about since the moment he started hanging around her, flattering her, buying her flowers and jewelry, and then, once he had her, using her face for target practice."

Visions of Rosalie's exquisite, Grecian features being battered and beaten by that cocky prick – I felt sick.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't know."

He took a deep drag from his cigarette and stared out at the sprawling back yard.

"You should have your father take a look at this." I reached for his mangled hand and took it in mine. I brought it to my lips and kissed over the gashes and dried blood. "Emmett's going to be pissed that he didn't get to do it."

"Yeah well," he shrugged. "I've been doing things like this since she was sixteen. It's my job."

"Mmm, don't go all protective big brother on me. It's brutally hot." I flicked my tongue over his raw knuckles and hummed against his warm skin. He still smelled amazing – like cigarettes mixed with cologne mixed with beer mixed with blood.

"Sooo, before you beat up Royce at the bar, did you have a good time?"

He laughed and pulled me under his arm. I smiled into his chest, happy to have at least a little bit of my precious Edward back.

"It was what I expected it to be. Forks doesn't change. It was good to see Denny though. I owe him like twenty drinks on a consistent weekly basis for the next ten years after all he's done for me."

"He sounds like awesome friend. I'd like to meet him."

"Oh you will. I chewed his ear off about you all night. He used to say Victoria was way too hot to be with me. Wait til he sees you." He stubbed out his cigarette and flicked it over the balcony. "He's going to have an instant erection. …Kind of like this." He pushed my hand down his bare chest and into his pants. His cock was massive and hard and burning hot to the touch. I wrapped my hand around it and squeezed. Edward hissed and pushed his hips forward.

"Nothing could be as good as this," I argued, stroking his length once, twice, and rubbing my thumb over the soft tip. His hold on me tightened and a strangled cry escaped his throat.

"Mmmm, You like that?"

"What do you think?" he groaned and I pulled at his neck to get him to kiss me.

"Edward, are you sure you can do this? You're obviously in pain."

"I'll be in more pain if you deny me."

* * *

**More from Forks still to come. Show me the love!**


	40. Loosening ends

**BPOV**

"I think I'm going to see my dad," I announce nonchalantly at the breakfast table.

I nibble on a corner of wheat toast and wait for a reaction.

The Cullen's kitchen is enormous; lined with custom-made cupboards and granite counter tops. The appliances are stainless steel and the floor is made of large, shiny onyx tiles. Sitting at the marble island with Edward and Esme over fresh-brewed coffee and newspapers, we're in our pajamas and the room is filled with the smells of baking bread and syrup and jelly and I can't wipe the happy grin off my face.

"To let him know I'm here," I finish quickly.

"Bella!" Edward's mother exclaims, clutching her chest and nearly knocking over a plate of freshly baked muffins. "You haven't told him? If he were to find out and think we kept it from him, I don't know what I'd do. What if he were to run into your father?" She looks at Edward, mortified by the thought.

"Oh Christ, ma. Take the drama down a few notches," Edward scolds, shooting a clever wink my way. He takes my hand and kisses it sweetly. "I can go with you if you'd like."

He smiles like a school-boy and I melt into my buttered toast.

"It's ok. I need to do this on my own. I haven't seen my father in years. And...and..." My eyes start to brim over and Edward pulls me closer, murmuring low, wordless sounds in my ear that immediately soothe me. "It's the right thing to do. I was going to give him a call at the station. If he doesn't pass out dead from that, I'll ask him if he wants to meet me at the diner."

**

I stand up nervously when I see the police cruiser pull into the parking lot. I take my hair out of its ponytail and flip it over my shoulders. The diner door opens and I wave my hand to catch his attention. He smiles in acknowledgment and walks towards me.

"Sorry, I'm late. Emergency at the station," he frowns at the floor. I smile awkwardly.

"It's no big deal," I shrug.

Charlie's late to most things.

He takes a moment to look me over and his eyes widen. "Wow. You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I blush even though I'm not sure what's beautiful about me. I'm wearing jeans and Edward's track sweatshirt that's too small for him. Charlie's in uniform; complete with belt, gun, and badge, and he's as handsome as ever. I take after him in the looks department. Dark hair, darker eyes, pastel complexion. And in the personality department too. Pessimistic with a dry sense of humor. Where Renee is fiery, bubbly, and borderline reckless, Charlie is safe. And stable. And grounded. And sensible. If I stayed in Forks with him, he would have been a great father. I just know it.

"Um, is this table ok?" I motion to the window.

"It's fine. Have you ordered?"

"Just coffee."

"You read my mind." He smiles and sits down, taking off his puffy police jacket and folding it next to him.

"So. How's New York?"

"It's good. I like it alot. It suits me. For now, at least. Who knows, I mean, I'm still trying to figure it out." I feel myself starting to ramble, which is what I usually do when people ask everyday questions like _How are you?_ or _What's up? _ How much detail do you to go into on a question like that?

"Edward Cullen, huh?"

_Or how about a completely loaded, completely pointed question instead?_

The mere mention of his name brings the blood rushing to my face.

"Yeeeeah," I sigh dreamily.

"You like him?"

"I love him."

"He makes you happy?"

"That's why I love him."

He nods in understanding and plops two more sugar packets into his coffee.

"Are you taking care of yourself, dad?" I ask, disapprovingly.

He smirks at me and takes a sip. "You know it. Gotta keep the streets safe for the people of Forks."

"I'm serious."

"So am I." He wipes at his mustache with a napkin. "I'm fine, Bella. Really."

"Are you happy?" I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

He pauses and tilts his head to the side, holding his coffee cup with both hands.

"I'm happy to see _you_," he says thoughtfully. "And I'm happy you're here. ...So yes, I'm happy now."

"I'm sorry I haven't called. ...That I don't call more often."

"You don't owe me an apology, Bella."

"You might not think I do, but..." I cut myself off, not wanting the conversation to become a contest of who's more sorry.

I fiddle with fraying cuffs of Edward's sweatshirt and search for a new topic of discussion.

"I know what Edward did to Royce King," Charlie says abruptly and I look down at the table. "I saw it."

"......How?"

"Leah called me down to the bar when she heard there was a fight in the back alley. Edward was gone – they said Denny forced him into his car, otherwise I'm sure I would have found him there as well."

I purse my lips and prepare to get defensive.

"Dad-"

But he raises his hand to stop me. "You're an adult, Bella, you can do what you want. But I want you to know what you're getting into. If you'd seen the damage Edward did to that kids face-"

"Maybe Edward was trying to create an exact replica of what Royce King did to _Rosalie's_ face. Edward's sister."

Charlie's eyes widen. "What are you saying?"

"He would never touch me in anger, if that's what you're insinuating." I cross my arms at my chest, like I used to when I was a kid and wasn't getting my way. Charlie recognizes it immediately and the corner of his mouth turns in a wry smile.

"Look," he motions to the waitress for more coffee. "I long ago gave up my right to tell you how to live your life and I've been regretting that decision for most of mine. I can't change it, but if I could, I would...in a second, Isabella." He runs his hand down his face and sighs deeply. He hasn't called me Isabella since I was five. A lump is forming at the bast of my throat as he goes on.

"I loved your mother. I never wanted her to go away. But, more than her leaving, I never wanted her to take you with her. If she wanted to leave me, fine. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want me back. ...I guess she didn't trust me to be able to raise you on my own. I was only a detective on the Forks Police Force," he says sarcastically. "What did I know?"

The more he talks, the more the tears stream down my face uninterrupted. I do nothing to dry them. I wipe my nose with the sleeve of Edward's sweatshirt.

"Shit. I didn't mean to make you cry. Belly. Don't tell your mother, ok? That's all I need. She'll never let me hear the end of it and I just got you back-"

"Shut up, dad," I croak pitifully, and before I realize I'm doing it, I'm climbing over the tabletop and into his arms.

**EPOV**

"How's your hand?" my dad asks, shuffling into the kitchen.

"I didn't know you were home," I grumble, still trying unsuccessfully to spoon shredded wheat into my mouth with my left hand. "Hurts like hell. You wrapped it too tight."

"You fractured your tenth and eleventh metacarpal, Edward. You're lucky I didn't have to immobilize your wrist. ...Here. Take these." He puts two round white pills in my hand and pours me a glass of water from the faucet.

"Thanks." I take the glass hesitantly, surprised by his simple gesture.

He pulls out a chair and sits at the end of the table. I notice that my mother has somehow managed to slip out of the room undetected.

A few minutes of uninterrupted silence pass between us and I swallow the pills thankfully.

"I set Royce King's nose last night," he finally says without expression. "Impressive job by the way. Clean break. It should heal nicely."

I roll my eyes and wipe the milk from my chin. "I'll have to do better next time." I push away from the table and take my bowl to the sink.

"There's not going to be a next time."

"Not one that leaves visible evidence," I mumble under my breath, but old eagle-eared Carlisle Cullen catches the reference.

"Was there a specific purpose to this visit, Edward? One besides settling old debts?"

His face is drawn and the morning sunlight streaming through the large kitchen windows pools in the hollows of his cheeks. He seems exhausted suddenly, and worn down. If I hadn't conditioned myself to believe that my father didn't give a shit about shit about me, I would swear that he seems...disappointed...at the notion that I came back to Forks for reasons other than spending time at home.

The elaborate door chime sings through the house, relieving me of my obligation to answer.

"That's Denny," I shrug. "See ya later." I grab my jacket and throw open the front door.

"Hey," Denny says, peeking over my shoulder into the house. "Smells great in there. Your mom cooking?" He grins but then frowns when he looks at me. "Damn dude, that prick really fucked up your face."

I ignore his comment and head towards his car that's idling in the driveway. I have a brand new Volvo S80 and a Mercedes G-Class of my own, but for some reason every time I go out with Denny, we take his 2000 Honda Civic and he always drives.

"You sure you wanna do this, man? Buckle up."

I sigh and pull the seat belt around me. This car is a fucking death trap that hasn't had an oil change in 10,000 miles and he wants me to buckle up for safety.

"Where is he?" I ask as we reach the end of the driveway.

"Probably at the high school. It's almost lunchtime and he sells behind the gym. All signs point to him being there."

"Do you still buy from him?"

"Yeah right. Like I ever even did anyway. I don't smoke that shit and even if I did I would never smoke his. That kid's a fucking douche. He overcharges and he thinks he's the only white kid to ever sell pot. It's fucking annoying."

Newton was understandably shocked to see me charging down the sidewalk after him. So much so that he froze stiff as a board and barely fought me when I tossed him over the fence and onto the track. What a pussy. He stood up quickly though, all red-faced and huffing and puffing and picking the turf from his teeth.

"What's your fucking problem, Cullen?!" he screeched. "I thought we were cool!"

"If we're so cool," I hissed. "Why were you ripping off my sister with your sticks and seeds? Or were you selling her that laced shit from your newbie stash? What, cuz she wouldn't sleep with your degenerate ass for the good stuff?"

I wanted to rip his fucking head off and Denny sensed it. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me out of Newton's face.

"_You_ never had a problem selling that shit to freshmen,_ Cullen_. And I don't remember you turning down a blow-job if a hot piece of cheerleader ass didn't have the cash."

"Grow the fuck up, you pathetic loser freak. You're twenty-fucking-five. Yeah fine, I was an asshole when I was _seventeen_. Whatever. You're so fucking lucky you never touched her. Otherwise I'd be knuckles deep in your ugly face right now with the one good hand I've got left."

I stalked off, leaving him shaking in his grass-stained jeans as the football team took the field for practice.

"Wow. I thought you were gonna go way more psycho on him," Denny said, buckling in and shoving the car into drive. "Way to hold back."

"Yeah. Well. I kinda feel sorry for him. Who am I to judge people's choice of employment right now anyway? ...Speaking of not having a job, wanna come shopping with me?"

An immediate look of horror crosses Denny's face and I chuckle at his reaction. He looks down at his XXL Redskins jersey stretched over his massive belly and then at me - I'm wearing a fitted long-sleeved tee and G-Star hoodie. "Uhh, I can't afford any of the stores you go into, dude. They probably don't even let fat people inside."

"Just drive," I laugh, shaking my head in amusement.

**

"What the hell is this place?" Denny asks, parking the car on the side of the road and hustling across the street after me.

"A jewelry store," I say over my shoulder. "It's owned by a friend of the family. It's where my father bought the engagement ring he proposed to my mother with."

It's cold and quiet inside the small empty room on the not-so-great side of town.

No one's behind the counter so I slap my hand on the bell next to the register.

"No offense, dude, but this isn't much of a jewelry store," Denny frowns, turning in a circle and taking in the bare walls stained yellow with age. "First of all, where's the jewelry?"

"I'll be damned," comes a graveled voice from behind the curtained wall. The sound of shuffling slippered feet is followed by the appearance of a hunched and brittle old man with tufts of gray hair sprouting from his ears.

"Is that little Eddie Cullen?" the old man asks in a hoarse cough-like laugh.

"_Eddie_," I hear Denny snicker behind me and I elbow him in the chest.

"Good to see you again, Mr. Banner. You look good."

"You've always been a terrible liar, Eddie." He extends his wrinkled hand and I shake it carefully.

"What's the occasion behind this pleasant surprise?"

"Her name is Isabella," I answer with pride.

The old man raises a stringy eyebrow. "_And_?"

"And I'd like her to be my wife."

Without another word he moves behind the counter and pulls the velvet cloth off of two glass cases, revealing their startling contents. I hear Denny's breath hitch. My own eyes are mesmerized by the dazzling variety of jewels splayed across the lush folds of black fabric.

"If you wouldn't mind flipping that switch on the wall," Mr. Banner requests as he unlocks the back panels. I squint through the murky haze of the room until I find the switch and flick it to the up position, flooding the room in intense florescent light.

"You won't find anything in here that was made after 1950," Banner prefaces, pulling out a rack loaded with diamonds and placing it on top of the glass case. "But I'm sure you already knew that or you wouldn't have come."

I nod. _Precisely_.

He picks out a few rings and places them in a row in front of me. Each one is incredible in its own right. European cut diamond set with square claw prongs in a fishtail setting. 18K white gold leaf design. Elaborate carvings, delicately wrought laurel leaves.

Holding the delicate rings proves difficult with my right hand taped together. I fumble and curse under my breath when I drop one of them on the carpet.

"Try this one," Mr. Banner suggests, reaching into a safe in the wall behind him.

"It's similar to the one your father chose for your mother over twenty-five years ago. The world was a very different place then. Different wars, different presidents, an array of different challenges and obstacles, seasons that have come and gone, but one thing remains constant to this day. _Love_ remains, my dear boy. It's why I'm still in business. You're father knew that. He stood where you're standing right now - an excited young man of twenty-one with the world at his feet - and gushed proudly about the woman he hoped would consent to be his wife. He was a bundle of nerves as he described her insurmountable beauty and the joy she brought to his life and how he'd never be whole if she refused him."

_My_ father?

"Yeah, well, maybe you should call him up and remind him about that," I grumble. I want more than anything to feel proud of my father as a young man and the way he gushed over my mother, but all I can think about is what he said to me at the bar on the night of his reception. About the woman in Buenos Aires. _Her name was Magdalene. Still is, I'm sure. Although I haven't seen her in years._

The old man must sense my distaste (I tend to wear my emotions all over my face, which is why I'm a shit liar) and perhaps even knew where my frown stemmed from, which only served to make me wonder exactly _how_ much he knew.

He clears his throat in a phlegmy couch and braces his bony knuckles on the case between us.

"You've always done the right thing by your lady love, then?" he asks inquisitively. "In all endeavors? Never made a mistake or suffered a lapse in judgment? Never covered up those lapses in judgment behind a mask of superior indifference? Never wished you could take back the things that you've done, but grateful for the support and love of the only one who's opinion of you matters? Your answer may be 'no' now, but it might be 'yes' one day."

I was struck dumb by the intensity of this old man's stare and the razor-tipped edges of his words. Suddenly, instantly, he was no longer old and crotchety, no longer a sideshow attraction or grumpy muppet. He was an oracle of wisdom and insight and I was embarrassed.

"Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, sonny boy. Especially if that man is your father."

And just like that, his mask lifts and the serious man evaporates. The friendly businessman reappears and he places the selection from the safe on the tip of my left pinky so I can feel its weight and brilliance against my skin.

"1930's platinum band, one round centerpiece diamond with a collection of ten rose cut diamonds along the sides, delicately finished with millgrain edges."

I was speechless. It was exquisite.

"Can you see it on your fiance's hand?" he asks sincerely.

Closing my eyes, I picture the ring resting on my true love's hand as she covers her mouth bubbling over with laughter. My heart skips a beat at the thought of her wearing it for the rest of her life and for the rest of our lives together. It's unique and rare and represents my Bella's essence perfectly.

"I'll take it, Mr. Banner. Thank you."

I shook Mr. Banner's hand after I paid and left the store with the small bag in hand. It came in a plain blue box in a plain brown bag. No wrapping or bows. No frills or tissue paper would be necessary to dress up this gift. That was why I wanted to go to Mr. Banner's shop in the first place and give him my business. Quality. Purity. Heart. That's all that matters. Bella had taught me that.

Denny and I walk quickly to the car. It's just starting to drizzle down.

"So how you gonna do it?" he asks, blasting the rear defogger.

"Do what?"

"Ask Bella to marry you. Don't chicks make, like, a huge deal out of the way a guy asks them?"

I laugh at the ceiling. "Yeah I guess."

"You're gonna make her cry, aren't you? You're gonna turn on that suave thing you do and she's gonna cry, I just know it."

I look out as my hometown whizzes past the car window and I think about what my cheesy buddy just said. He's already been distracted by something on the radio and isn't about to press me for details, but it doesn't matter. I already have everything all planned out.

* * *

**show me the love?** oh and NO, this is not just some story leading up to a wedding. there's more to come.


	41. I am not a heel

**I just wanted to mention that I realize there's no continuity to the tenses in this story. I don't know how it happened but I just can't seem to figure it out. lol. Anyway, I hope it hasn't been too distracting to those who've been keeping up with this story. Thank you for hanging in there xoxo**

**Twilight forever and always belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

**BPOV**

The rude interruption of Charlie's walkie-talkie calling him back to the station ended our emotional reunion and forced us back to reality. Charlie rose out of the booth with me still in his arms and I clung to him limply until he placed me on my feet. I promised I would see him again before I returned to New York and the tear-tinged joy in his eyes at the thought nearly sent me into sobbing hysterics. I said a prayer to whoever was up there looking down on me and promised that I would never let him become a distant part of my life again.

We said our goodbyes and I stood in the parking lot and watched as the police cruiser pulled away.

Edward had lent me his silver Volvo X9000million or whateverthefuck it's called to drive into town. After I saw the way his hands were shaking as he handed me the keys, I told him I could take the bus instead, but he insisted.

"I won't let anything happen to it," I promised, snatching the keys out of his hand.

"I don't give a shit about the _car_, Isabella," he sneered, rolling his eyes at me. "I can't have anything happen to you. Please be careful driving. It's a very powerful car."

He wasn't kidding. I felt like a celebrity jetting around downtown Forks in such an elegant machine; shiny, spotless, black with tan interior and tinted windows. I opened the sunroof and let my hair whip around. I took Edward's Ray Ban's out of the center console and slipped them on. I revved the engine and tore through the one traffic light on Main Street the moment it turned green. The car took off like an animal, leaving everyone behind me in the dust. _What a fucking adrenaline rush_.

I parked Edward's car in front of the Cullen's four-car garage and walked past the guest bungalow through the gardens towards the main house. On my way, I admired the wide variety of plants and flowers in various staging of growth. I was in such a daze that I stumbled and nearly tripped over Esme, who was on her knees in front of a rows upon rows of fluffy black dirt. She had packets of seeds and a watering can beside her.

"Relatively easy flowers to take care of," she sighed deeply, taking off her gardening gloves and pointing to the rows of tulips behind her. "All they need is some tender loving care at the right times. Just like people, hm?" she winked.

I nodded in agreement.

"How did it go with your father, sweetie? Your eyes are puffy and red, so that either means it went very well...or the opposite."

"It did, Mrs. Cullen. It went very well."

"I'm so glad to hear it, Bella." She smiled sweetly and rose to her feet. "I'd love to know more, but I won't pry. I'll leave that to Edward," she winked again. She did that alot.

We went into the kitchen and Esme put the kettle on. I sat at the island and hooked my feet under the rungs of the stool. We chatted comfortably about nothing in particular and before I knew it the water was boiling and Edward and Denny were pulling up the driveway. The passenger door to Denny's Civic opened and my skin erupted in chills as I watched Edward step out and slam it behind him.

_Fuck_. Edward had the sexiest walk in the history of man walking upright. It was a leisurely gait with a sense of urgency brewing below the surface, and the look on his face was beautiful boredom mixed with pure determination.

"I know that smile," Esme cooed . I turned and caught her watching me from the stove. I hadn't even realized I was smiling, but the moment she said it I felt the grin pull at my cheeks and I blushed bright red.

"No need to get embarrassed. It's a natural reaction to seeing the one you love," she said softly as the front door opened and the house exploded in noisy boy sounds. My eyes were glued to the entrance to the kitchen in anticipation of Edward's arrival. My breathing increased and when Edward appeared I made an audible peep. His face brightened in the most gorgeous smile and he was at my side and I was in his arms in an instant. God he smelled so good, like cool rain, morning mist, mint leaves, and the original scent of Edward. I pressed my nose into his neck and inhaled over and over until he giggled at the tickling of my breath on his skin.

"I missed you," he murmured into my hair. I squeezed him harder.

"How's your hand?" I asked. I'd been so worried about him. I knew he was in much more pain that he would let on. My hands found their way out of his hair and I ghosted my fingertips over the dried cuts on his eyebrow, cheek and lip. He closed his eyes and hummed under my touch.

"Better now," he answered and I looked into my lap to find his bandaged hand resting between my thighs. I blushed and darted my eyes around the room to find his mother. She and Denny were leaning against the counter with their arms crossed looking at us like we were zoo attractions. Edward sighed a resigned sigh that meant he wanted me to himself and I slid off the stool.

"Let's go upstairs so you can tell me about your day," he said in perhaps the most romantic tone of voice I had ever heard escape his perfect lips. I was instantly damp in all the right places. He took my hand and led me from the kitchen, first looking back at Denny and doing some weird head-nod/eyebrow-raise thing that looked like secret code. I opened my mouth to ask what it was all about but the thought was gone the moment Edward's hand trailed up my spine.

There was something about the passion in Edward's lovemaking that made this time feel different; from the ragged, wheezing effect his breathing had taken on, to the ethereal way he had me pinned under his weight with the length of his cock nestled against my entrance. We moved wordlessly to his bed as soon as he shut the bedroom door and there was no sound other than the rustling of our clothes being removed and the sliding of our bodies across the crisp bedsheets. He knew where to go and how fast to get there without me having to tell him and in minutes I was on the edge of orgasm before he'd even penetrated. He grinded his erection against my slit while he kissed me long and slow, rhythmically moving his body up and down mine creating the most beautiful friction. The last few times we'd been together it had been rough and fast, both of us impatient and selfish for the other, but this time was calculated and deliberate, like he was following a blueprint that I had drawn for him. I lost count of the number of times he told me he loved me; the most tortured was through a guttural moan when he first slid inside me. I wanted to ask him if there was something wrong – not with the way he fucked me, because there could be no equal in that department – but did something else happen with Royce perhaps? Did he have another spat with his father? What was it that was making him so suddenly...emo?

Edward's skills in the sack never ceased to amaze me. We didn't do wild, trippy sex things, although a few times we experimented with bondage. He tied me up, gagged me and made me beg for it, which I did in about two seconds. I bought fuzzy cuffs and blindfolded him, making him seething-barking mad by teasing him with a feather, licking dribbles of ice cream off his abs and nipples and sucking him off painfully slow. Those kinds of games were fun and all, and Edward's body was designed to be shown off and used to bring women pleasure, but these were the times I liked more. _Loved_. Edward telling me he loved me got me off harder than any dirty sex talk involving his giant horse-sized-cock plunging into my deep, warm pussy. The glint in Edward's eyes when he pressed his forehead to mine as he came beat any perverse porno display. There was seduction in every word he spoke, every noise he made, every grunt, every whimper, every hum of approval as his hands felt up my body.

I could roll around in bed with him forever and never feel like I missed out on anything else the world had to offer. There could be nothing better.

My hips rose off the mattress to greet his last powerful thrust and we moaned in unison as he spilled his warmth inside me. I shuddered and followed his orgasm with a violent one of my own. It was so severe that the come down from the high of it made me queasy. My stomach rolled and there were ten seconds where I couldn't catch my breath. An immediate look of concern melted Edward's post-orgasmic bliss face off and replaced it with his 'oh my god Bella is pale and sweaty and I must blame myself for whatever's wrong with her' face.

"Bella? Breathe, baby. You have to breathe," he panted, the sweet sugar scent of his breath wafting over my face. His palms were on my cheeks and I giggled at the mixed sensation of gauze bandage on one and flat skin on the other.

"You're _laughing_ now?' he said incredulously. "You were hyperventilating not five seconds ago. I haven't even pulled out of you yet and I'm concerned as fuck that you're ill, and you're laughing?"

Edward about to be annoyed is the funniest thing ever, second only to Edward being slightly drunk.

"You feel so good inside me when you're soft and twitching, baby. Don't ever pull out," I said in my gravelly freshly-fucked voice. I knew that would bring Edward back to thinking about sex where he belonged.

"You promise me you're alright?"

"Of course, Edward. I couldn't possibly be any better." It was the truth. Name one thing better than being naked and in the arms of Edward Cullen. "Are _you_?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I sucked in a breath. Here goes.

"I don't know. You tell me. Not that I'm complaining, because I'm totally not and you're amazing and I love you more with each passing day, but you seem...well...vulnerable lately. You know I'm never going to leave you, right? Because, I guess, that's how you're acting. Like you're going to lose me or something. Does that make sense? You know I'm not trying to pick an argument with you, right? I just want you to know that the things you say to me, all those beautiful things you've said to me, in song and onstage - in front of people and when it's just been me and you – you now I feel the exact same way about _you_, right?"

I gathered myself on my elbows so he could see it in my eyes. Edward pushed his weight back to accommodate my movement. There was a pregnant pause between us. Edward's eyes were darting across my face. I could see his thoughts processing what he found. I never wanted him to doubt the existence of constant love in his life.

"Edward?" I whispered, palming his chin. He nuzzled into my hand and I stroked his face. He closed his eyes and nodded his head.

"Thank you for saying that, Bella. Not because I didn't already know it - because I did - but for always knowing what I need even when I don't. You're the-" He shook off the rest of his thought and I squeezed his bicep. It looked like there was something else he wanted to say. It was right there under the surface but it wouldn't have been fair for me to demand or press for it.

"Bella, do you have any idea how much I love you?"

I slid my hand to the back of his neck and brought his quivering lips down to meet mine. There was something so childlike about his questioning declaration and this was the only confirmation I could think to give him.

"I don't mean to be selfish," he murmured against the corner of my mouth. Taking a gulping breath he pulled his flaccid penis out of me and flopped onto the mattress. He stroked my upper arm with his fingertips.

"Tell me about your day."

I started at the beginning and gave Edward an in-depth analysis of my meeting with my father. Talking about it to Edward made the gravity of the meeting that much more crushing and I found it difficult to get the words out in sensible cohesive sentences. To anyone else listening the conversation would have made no sense, but Edward understood me perfectly.

"How could I have been angry with him?" I whimpered limply. "He would come to Phoenix for my birthdays and I wouldn't even speak to him. I _blamed_ him for us having to live apart. I never thought to blame my mother. I never asked her for my father's side. And she never gave it to me. I convinced myself to be indifferent and I let so much time slip away."

He rocked me in his arms. "You were a kid. Kids believe it's their right to hate their parents. They don't need a reason or justification for their anger. He loves you. He forgives you. He wants to be in your life any way you'll let him."

Edward made everything make simple sense. Now if he would only take his own advice.

We held each other for ages, talking and telling stories from our childhood. For instance, I never knew that Edward won talent competitions every year from the age of six to age twelve and that the trophies were still in a bag on the top shelf of his walk-in closet. They were all for playing the piano in various stages of advancement and used to be displayed on the mantel above the fireplace in the great room until Edward turned thirteen and had his first real fight with his father about getting his head out of the "romantic clouds of music making" and into the real world. There was a noticeable change to Edward's demeanor when he talked about music and playing and the endless joy it brought him. I didn't need him to explain beyond that. It was the same way I felt about writing. If it never made me much money it would still make me whole.

We freshened up in Edward's bathroom. It was big enough for us to do so without coming into contact with each other, but Edward made a point to wind his arms around my waist and move my hair out of the way so he could kiss my bare shoulder each time he passed behind me.

_I could get used to this permanently._

"We make a good reflection," he said dreamily as we stood in front of the foggy mirror. It was true, even though it was Edward who made up two-thirds of the beauty in the reflection. His green eyes shimmered in the glass. There were pieces of his wet auburn hair sticking up and pieces stuck to his forehead and to the side of his face in the perfect mixture of elegant disarray. And he didn't have to do anything to make it so. He came out of the shower that way. He was a spectacular creature. And me; I brought the plain Jane quality to the pairing.

He twined our fingers together and brought our hands to his lips, all the while keeping his eyes locked on our reflection. He kissed the top of my fist and inhaled sharply. There it was again. That aura of melancholy in the air around him and I thought I saw his chin tremble.

"Edward?" I whispered, turning away from the reflection to look at the real thing. He looked like he wanted to ask me something. His mouth opened and closed like a codfish but no words came out and each time he tried to speak but failed he would growl in frustration and pound on his forehead with his good fist.

"Hey hey, it's alright, you don't have to," I said, taking his fist and uncurling his fingers. I brought his fingertips to my lips and pecked kisses on them.

"I want to go home," he whimpered, bowing his head to me.

"You _are_ home, silly. This is your house, your room-"

"I mean _our_ home. Yours and mine. New York." His puppy dog eyes were breaking my heart, begging for me to take him seriously.

"Ok, Edward. We can go home. We can go tonight if you want. Maybe we can get on stand-by or-"

"No," he said. "We'll go tomorrow. ...I have something I need to do first."

* * *

**leave me some love :)**


	42. For a minute there, I lost myself

Karma Police  
I've given all I can  
It's not enough  
I've given all I can  
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you'll get  
This is what you'll get  
This is what you'll get when you mess with us

- _Karma Police_, Radiohead

**EPOV**

Denny drives really slow. Comparatively speaking. He doesn't obey traffic laws or use his directional signals and he exceeds the speed limit to a degree that would make anyone - other than a speed freak like myself - uncomfortable. But for my standards, it's subpar driving at best and it's still a mystery how I allow it. I could never tolerate it if it were anyone but him. He can't park for shit either, especially in my driveway. It curves in a semicircle that sends you straight back down in the direction you came once you've reached the top, and Denny without fail manages to somehow park at a right angle directly in front of the porch steps. It makes my father crazy. It's great.

After giving Denny the small bag containing Bella's ring to hold for me, I slammed the door to the Civic and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. I hunched slightly in reaction to the chill of the rain and headed inside with Den trailing behind me.

Bella was in the kitchen with my mother when I walked in and the picture of them hit me like a clothesline to the throat. They were chatting, smiling, I think they might even have been _giggling_ before I arrived. I was overcome.

I glanced at Denny and he patted the pocket of his cargo pants.

The sight of Bella in my Forks High Track and Field sweatshirt with her tight ass perched on the kitchen stool sent sparks straight to my dick. I had to get her upstairs – and soon – to take care of the mounting pressure between my legs. Her piercings were gone and had been since the day she'd taken them out for my father's gala and, although I liked her better without them, I had to admit I was kinda bummed that I'd be missing out on the hard metallic sensation of her tongue ring sliding up and down my dick. I was rock hard just thinking about it and pulled my hoodie down lower to hide my erection.

The only makeup on my girls face was the residue of mascara stained under her bottom lashes. Her hair was parted down the middle and she could tuck it behind her ears now that the choppy cut she gave it had grown out. She looked different without the paint and jewelry but the change in her appearance was as natural as the sunrise.

I went to her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into a soft hug.

Goddamit she made me so happy just by acknowledging me.

"I missed you," I breathed into her hair.

She tightened her hold and I felt her shudder against my chest.

"How's your hand?" she asked, her doe eyes full of concern. If she only knew how much it hurt. Not gonna lie - It hurt to an unrelenting degree. I mean _really fucking bad_. Daddy C wrapped it good and tight and was keeping me fully medicated in his supply of the hard stuff, but every time I bent my fingers shards of rippled agony shot through my wrist and up my forearm like poisoned daggers.

I shrugged and dropped my bandaged hand into her lap. "Better now," I answered and her face brightened. I wanted to drop to my knee and ask her to marry me right then and there. Fuck the waiting. Fuck what I had planned. She controlled me that much.

But Denny and my mom were staring at us like chaperone's at an ice cream social. Can't say I blamed them. They'd never seen me this way with a woman before. I was never overly affectionate with Victoria in private, let alone where anyone could see. With Bella, I wanted to be with her every second, it didn't matter where she was, I wanted to be there, it didn't matter who else she was with, I wanted to be with her. It was a desire I'd never had for anyone. I was a marionette for her. And I'm sure she knew, I didn't exactly make it a secret, but she never played the card. She never used her power over me, against me. It was how I knew she was the one. She was the exact opposite of Victoria. Which only served to make me want her even more.

"Let's go upstairs so you can tell me about your day."

**

I proposed in my mind a dozen times or more once the door to my bedroom closed behind us. Bella's hands gripping my shoulders, fisting through my hair, her tongue dragged the moans out of my mouth and it took every ounce of control I could summon to hold back the words...._marry me, Bella...Will you be my wife...I want to spend the rest of my life with you_...

We made love and each stroke of my body inside hers came with a declaration of my devotion. I was beyond caring about how corny it sounded. Bella's reactions incited me to keep going, to keep taking her to the edge, to keep watching her writhe and moan _yes Edward god yes_, the emotions coursing through me brought me to the brink of tears as I shuddered and came inside her.

For a split second, I thought I had hurt her. Was I more forceful than I thought? I _was_ ravenous when it came to my punishing need for her body. She winced and bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyes rolled back in her head and it looked as though she'd stopped breathing. I panicked...and then she laughed.

She sensed the weight on my mind; she was incredibly perceptive. I must have appeared just as vulnerable and bare as I felt. She could level me with a blink of her molten eyes. God I had never been so scared of a woman in my life.

"You know I'm never going to leave you, right?" she said.

And right there - I almost asked her again. Instead, I asked if she knew how much I loved her. I'm a selfish fuck.

And again, in my bathroom, as we cleaned ourselves and dressed, the sight of the two of us in the mirror, flushed and wet, caved my chest in. She was breathtaking, my girl. Authentic Bella. The lump reappeared in my throat and my legs threatened to drop me to my knees.

_No. Not here. Not like this._

"Edward?" her head tiled to the side and she took my face in her warm hands, her concern evident for thought that I was unhappy. When in actuality I was anything but. I was in heaven. I'd just made the decision of a lifetime only two hours prior and instead of feeling an all-too-human/manly sense of fear and dread, I felt an almost – ok I'm going to say it – _girly_ giddiness at what the future held.

"I want to go home," I told her, pressing our foreheads together.

I had done what I had come to Forks to do – with the exception of one final thing.

**

I woke the next morning before the alarm went off and dressed without making a sound. Bella was still fast asleep with her arms tucked under her pillow. I wrote her a note on a piece of scrap paper and placed it next to her head where she'd be sure to see it.

_Went to say goodbye to Denny. Be back soon. _

_Love you. E. _

I swore it would be the one and only time I ever lied to my girl.

**

After signing in at the front desk and passing my identification under the bulletproof window, I was thoroughly frisked by security before being taken into the large open room that served as the central nervous system of the Forks Police Department. It was a noisy, crowded room filled with officers bustling to and fro. They were everywhere - at their desks, on the phone, pointing at maps, huddled in meetings, rushing out on calls. It was chaotic for a small town, but it was an organized mess.

The receptionist led me to the back of the room. Chief Swan's office was tucked in a corner surrounded by steel file cabinets and stacks of disheveled paperwork.

She knocked three times on the open door and smiled at me. "You can go on in, Edward."

Nothing like being on a first name basis with the receptionist at your local police station.

I walked in slowly and closed the door. Charlie swiveled around in his chair to face me. He was dressed in uniform; his leather holster, complete with firearm, rested on a pile of manila folders on top of his desk.

"Chief Swan. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."

"Sure, Edward. Have a seat." He waved to the empty chair on the other side of his desk. I nodded and sat down.

He crossed his arms behind his head and soaked in the sight of me.

"I have to admit, I never thought I'd see the day that you walked into a police station and _weren't_ in handcuffs, let alone a day where you voluntarily requested a visit."

"I was hoping to catch you at home, but-"

"Eh, I'm hardly ever there."

I swallowed and took a deep breath. I couldn't believe how fucking nervous I was. I'd been in this very room more times than I cared to remember for a variety of misconduct; public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, reckless driving, inciting a riot (that wasn't my fault, Newton started it but I took the blame cuz he would have blabbed under pressure about where we stashed the drugs) – I was rowdy and mouthy and didn't feel a fraction of the fear I felt at this very moment. Of course, during each of those times I wasn't about to ask the Chief of Police for his only daughter's hand in marriage.

"What can I do for you, Edward? Are you turning yourself in?"

I stiffened. "Um...for-?" _Destroying Royce King's face? Threatening the life of Mike Newton? _And that was only in the last few days.

"Relax," he smirked. "No one's pressed charges against you. I just can't, for the life of me, figure out what you're doing here."

"Um...it's Bella, sir." I cringed the millisecond the words escaped my mouth. _Worst way ever to begin a sentence. _ Charlie's expression fell and he leaned forward in his creaky chair. He looked like he was about to crawl over the top of his desk and strangle me.

"What about her? Is something wrong? Is she alright? Because if any-"

"She's fine, sir. She's fine," I put my hands up in surrender. "She's perfect. Absolutely tremendously perfect. There's nothing wrong at all. With _her_, at least. There's something obviously wrong with _me_, however. It seems I'm incapable of constructing a thought and communicating it without sounding like a blithering idiot." I rolled my eyes and ran my hands down my face.

"Can I start over?"

"Please do," Charlie grumbled, returning to his seat-back position.

I took a deep breath and braced my hands on my thighs. _Ok. You're fine. You can do this._

"Chief Swan, I'm in love with your daughter, and I think she feels the same way about me."

He raised his eyebrows and I flinched in anticipation of the knuckle sandwich that was no doubt about to fly through the air towards my jaw.

It didn't come. I opened my eyes to find Charlie reacting with relative ease at my declaration. So I continued before I lost my nerve.

"And I wanted your permission to ask her to marry me. I'll be good to her, Chief Swan. I'll never let her down, I'll jump in front of a bullet or moving traffic or a charging rhino to protect her. I'll give her everything I have and I will find a way to get her anything I don't. I'll love her without question for the rest of my life and I will never take her for granted. I've done nothing to deserve your trust, but I swear to you, I will do everything to deserve Bella's love. Please, sir."

I couldn't believe I got it all out in one breath without stumbling or panicking or crying.

Charlie was silent stone.

The world hit the pause button.

_Fuck._

"When are you going to ask her?"

"When we get back to New York."

I held my breath. There had never been such quiet in the world. There wasn't such quiet in a black hole, I was sure of it. My ears were screaming in pain from the quiet.

"Well. Edward." Charlie stood up from his chair. _Damn he's taller than I realized_. He picked up his leather holster and fastened it around his waist.

I gulped. This could go any number of ways. _Please don't let one of those ways result in me needing to make my one phone call from a prison cell_.

He walked around his desk and stood in front of me. _Shit. _

_What do I do? _

_Get up, you idiot_.

I pushed out of my chair and stood to face him.

He stuck out his hand.

_Is he challenging me to a duel??_

"Good luck. I hope she says yes."

"S-so I have your blessing?"

"You have my blessing."

My face exploded in an ear-to-ear grin and I shook the Chief's hand with vigor.

"Thank you, thank you, sir." I increased my grip and pumped his arm forcefully to show him I meant what I said.

"You're welcome, Edward. You can let go of my hand now. That's quite a grip you have."

I let go and chuckled nervously, running the same hand through my hair.

"Oh and, Chief Swan, one more thing - - We leave for New York this afternoon. I know Bella is going to want to say goodbye to you before we do. ...Please...don't mention what we-"

"I'm no fool, Edward. I know how this works. I had to ask for Bella's mother's hand once, too, y'know."

I flushed red with embarrassment. Of course he did.

**

I laced through the corridors of the first floor in search of my father. I knocked on the door of his office. No answer. I opened it and peeked my head in. It was empty.

I breezed by the library and leaned my shoulder against the door frame.

"Dad?" I called inside.

Nothing.

Continuing towards the kitchen I whistled a made-up tune and snapped my fingers along with my made-up beat.

I passed the den and living room. Empty. Where was everybody?

Ending my journey at the front door, I decided to call him. I knew he was here somewhere. His car was still in the driveway. I dug my phone out of my jacket pocket and began scrolling through my contact list.

"Edward Anthony." My name echoed through the cavernous foyer.

"Jesus Christ!!" I screeched, jumping out of my skin and nearly pissing my pants at the same time. I spun around to see my father strolling towards me from the direction I just came.

He had his hands in his trouser pockets and was barefoot. Gotta say, my dad's pretty damn handsome. I hope I look as good as him in twenty years.

"You scared the shit out of me. I've been looking everywhere for you. We're taking a flight out of Sea-Tac and have to get on the road if we want to make it. I-"

"Let's see it," he interrupted.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll let that question slide because I honestly believe you don't know." He cleared his throat. "...The ring. Let me see it."

"Fuck." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "The old man told you. I should have known he'd squeal."

"Nonsense. Banner didn't say a word. He has more honor in the tip of his finger than all of the members of your wasted generation put together. Your oafish pal Denny did his best to hide it, but there's only so much a man of his size can do to keep a secret. I saw him slip it to you before he left. Banner has used the same bag for thirty years. I'd know it anywhere."

Fine. He saw the bag and made the assumption of what it contained. I wasn't about to start making up lies now.

"Chief Swan has already given me his blessing."

"And why wouldn't he? He's a smart man. He knows an upgrade when he sees it."

"Why do you have to be such a bastard?" I hissed. "How can you be so condescendingly sweet to her face when you hate her so much?"

"Hate? That's a strong word."

"And an appropriate one."

"What's to hate? I don't hate her, Edward. We've already had this talk. Besides, you're not _asking_ my permission to marry Bella Swan."

He was being unnervingly calm about all of this. I thought my head would be rolling out the front window by now.

"You disapprove."

"You're damn right about that."

"So...are you going to keep faking it?" I asked. "For Bella's sake? And mom's? You don't have to do it for me. I can take it. I'll take all of it. Direct your disdain and disgust towards me, I don't care. Just, _please_, be nice to _her_."

He shrugged in defeat. "What choice do I have? Hm? You're my only son."

"You think I'm making a mistake."

"I know you are."

"Then it will be the best mistake of my life."

"It will be the largest."

I let out an exasperated sigh. There was no getting through to him. He'd never cave, he'd never budge, and to be honest, I didn't give a hot shit if he did. As long as he was nice to Bella. I didn't want to have to punch my father in the face in front of the guests at our wedding reception.

My mother sauntered behind him with a full glass of wine in her hand...

_back to her old self I see_...

and rested her head on his shoulder before walking over and pressing the palm of her hand to my cheek.

"Your father told me. I think it's wonderful no matter who she is." I guess that's as much of a compliment as could be expected in her current condition. I gave her a sideways smirk.

"Romantic that your son has finally found true love, hmm?" she said, gazing at me lovingly through glassy eyes. "It looks like we underestimated him."

"Oh it does, does it?" he responded with vacant eyes. "Funny. It looks like something completely different to me."

His mouth set in a hard line. He wasn't going to win this one. He knew it. He couldn't stop me. Or he'd lose me. And in that moment I realized I must mean something to him. He could blow this family apart if he wanted to. He could disown me, retract my inheritance, he could remove my very existence from the tapestry of this family. And my mother would open a bottle of wine and drink herself out of caring. I was holding a live grenade in my hand and I'd just pulled out the pin.

But she was worth it. My Bella was worth the upheaval of the structure and chains of a future that was unlivable without her. I looked out the window to the driveway where Bella sat in the cab that was waiting to take us to the airport. She was having an animated conversation with the driver and laughing her ass off. I chuckled to myself and put my palm to the window pane at the moment she looked in my direction. The corner of her mouth turned up in a sly smile and she ran her tongue over her teeth and gave me a sexy Marilyn Monroe pucker.

"Let them be happy, Carlisle," my mother slurred. "We didn't have much when first started either. They'll figure it out just like we did."

"It's stunning how everyone continues to miss the point..." my father growled in white hot irritation.

"Edward," he continued. "I hope you and your soon-to-be-fiancé have a safe flight back to New York. Miss Swan is a beautiful young woman full of delightful energy and spunk who is entirely wrong for you in every conceivable aspect of rational thought. ...I will call Chief Swan this evening as a courtesy."

I extended my hand in a show of sportsmanship. My father sighed and took it in a good grip before turning on his heel and retreating to his office without another word. My mother remained, all interest in her beverage of choice lost.

"Please be fair-minded when it comes to your father, Edward. Ever since his heart attack he's become obsessed with his own mortality. You have to take his actions with a grain of salt. They are as much out of fear as they are out of ego and conceit, believe me. You've left, you've moved on, but I'm with him every day and I see sides you don't."

I kissed her at the corner of her mouth and she gave me a one-armed hug around my neck.

"Call me when you land," she said against my cheek.

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie."

I exited through the front door and jogged through the rain to the waiting car. I opened the passenger side door and slid in next to Bella.

"Hey," she said, immediately snuggling into my side.

"Hey," I mouthed. I took her hand and placed it to my lips. "Ready to go home?"

She closed her eyes and nodded, "Anywhere with you."

**BPOV**

"Thank you so much for your hospitality, Mrs-"

"_Esme_," she insisted.

"Right," I blushed. "_Esme_. Thank you. You've made me feel very welcome here." I was once again in the kitchen with Mrs. - _Esme_ – having a cup of tea and chatting. Edward had gone to see his friend Denny before we began the trek out to Sea-Tac and I had already finished packing both of our suitcases. I wasn't sure where Mr. Cullen was. I thought I'd heard his voice somewhere in the house earlier this morning but I hadn't seen him. He'd been rather elusive for the duration of mine and Edward's stay. Every time I was in his company he was more than cordial, but there was always a sense of something...missing. He was tolerant of my presence. He didn't seemed put out by me, but he was certainly not blown away by my charm. I said nothing to Edward about my observation. Esme seemed to dig me, though, and as long as I had the woman on my side, I was golden.

"It was wonderful getting to know you, Bella," Esme said, refilling my hot water. "You're a bright girl and you've brought out a side in my son that Carlisle and I haven't seen for some time. There's passion in him again."

_Oh he's passionate alright. I'm surprised you haven't heard just how passionate he can be. Heh._

"And don't forget to send me examples of your work when you get back to New York. I meant what I said. I will do what I can to help you – for what it's worth." She smiled sincerely and opened her arms to me. I leaned into them and sighed as they closed around me. _Edward's mom_.

It had been an uneventful few days in Forks, as expected. The highlight for me, other than seeing Edward on his home turf and lounging around his luxurious house, was reconnecting with my father. It was desperately needed salve on a persistent festering wound, and I felt...better. I was tempted to stop by my old house, the house where I was born and where my father still lived, but I wasn't ready for that. I didn't need closure. I knew I'd be back. I'd see my father again. This was not goodbye for me.

I hoped Edward had been able to take care of whatever it was he needed to take care of. I still wasn't sure exactly what _things_ he'd needed to _take care_ of, but I knew he would tell me when he was ready. I didn't mind if we had a few secrets from each other. I trusted Edward implicitly and didn't need to know every detail about every shit he took to maintain that trust. I was glad he was going out with his friends. He came home to me every night, desperate to have me, his alcohol-tinged breath and groping hands undid me and I gave myself over to him without hesitation. Over and _over_. He was the end for me.

I didn't know anyone in Forks besides Charlie, so after my one and only excursion to the outside world, I was content to spend my alone time exploring the spa-like features of the Cullen residence, from the Olympic-sized pool and indoor tennis courts to the state-of-the-art entertainment system and private theater with velvet-plush couches and built in bar.

I could _definitely_ summer here.

Dr. Cullen helped me pack up the cab when it arrived and stuffed a wad of twenty dollar bills in my hand. He cut me off with a lift of his finger when I attempted to protest and gave me a curt kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for the pleasure of your company, Isabella." He didn't come in for a hug or extend his hand to shake mine, but the nature of his stance and posture was anything but standoffish. He seemed...I swear...he seemed _sad_. Never would I believe that it had anything to do with my departure. It no doubt had everything to do with Edward's. I really wished they'd straighten their shit out. Of course now that I had mended things with Charlie, I thought I was an expert on healing family divides. I made a mental note to talk about it with Edward, specifically after we've just had sex. Post-orgasmic Edward would agree to anything.

"Uh, the pleasure was mine, Dr. Cullen. You have a magnificent home."

He smirked and stuffed his hands in his pockets. _Dammit, olderversionofEdward, you're killing me here._

It looked like there was something else he wanted to say. Just like the face Edward makes when there's something on the tip of his tongue that he just can't get out. Mouth open. Then shut. Then a resigned grin and a sigh.

"Edward should be back soon. I doubt any goodbye with Denny will last beyond a few sentence fragments and hand-slaps." He chuckled, exposing the creases in the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah," I said awkwardly, looking at the ground and shuffling from foot to foot. _God I am such a fucking idiot whenever Dr. C's around. Why does he have to be all dreamy and doctorly all the time, yet still so young and god he must work out, his bod is amazing._

_Shut it, inner voice._

**

I texted Emmett as soon as we landed at JFK. I had no idea what time it even was - it felt like we'd been traveling for days - but I knew Emmett would be up. He was just as bad as I was. Well, as I _used_ to be, before Edward.

**Back in NY. Miss me?**

We grabbed our luggage off the carousel and headed out the sliding doors. Edward took my bag off my shoulder and carried it for me.

As we stood at the taxi stand my phone buzzed.

**I miss not having to cover your shifts.**

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. Classic Em. But before I could respond with something snottier, my phone buzzed again. Edward and I situated ourselves in the back of the cab for the ride into the city.

**And yes, Swan. Glad to have you back on this coast.**

A cheesy smile spread across my face and I slipped my phone into my bag. There was barely any traffic on the expressway and we were in front of my building in under thirty minutes.

Damn I was glad to be home.

.......

What was left of it.

.......

I could smell something was up as soon as I opened the door and ascended the stairs to the first floor. There was a foulness in the air. Edward was still outside paying the cab driver and getting our bags out of the trunk. I wanted to call back to tell him to hurry up, but that would force me to admit that I was scared.

My heart was pounding as I approached the door to my apartment and my eyes turned to slits in preparation. I was ready to flinch, like I knew I was about to be slapped.

The door was ajar, half on the hinge, half hanging off, like someone had run into it at full speed and kicked it in.

"Edward," I said in a shaky voice, turning to him as he reached the top of the stairs carrying all of our bags.

"What's up?" he answered, out of breath and setting them down with a huff.

"Someone broke into our apartment."

* * *

**Review!!! Get me to 300+ you guys!!! **


	43. Count Backwards to Black

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

* * *

**BPOV**

"Holy fuck," Edward gasps, his eyes wide, his fists clenched as he assesses the damage done to the door, a precursor to what no doubt awaits us on the other side. Although I'm absolutely scared shitless and two seconds away from crawling into a ball in the corner, I can't help noticing how sexy my man looks right now, rolling up the sleeves of his light-blue button down and cuffing them above his elbows.

"Ok." He takes a deep, soundless breath. "Stand back." He points behind me. "Over there."

I do as I'm told and cross my arms at my chest, my body shaking, my eyes welling with tears. I swear I can smell the caustic scent of fresh wood and paint from the hinges being ripped clean out of the doorframe.

Slowly, Edward pushes open the creaking, broken door and steps inside. I stay in the hallway and watch him disappear into the darkness, my heart immediately panicking and lurching out for him in fear.

_Please, Edward. _

_Call out for me. _

_Tell me its ok. _

I strain to hear his footsteps as they move around the apartment and it takes every ounce of self-control I have not to run in after him. I begin an internal calming mantra in an attempt to steady my nerves. _Why did I drop out of those yoga classes I was taking with Alice??_

I count backwards from one hundred.

I name all the planets and their corresponding moons.

I run through the multiplication tables twice.

I recite 'Howl' by Allen Ginsberg from memory.

**

_I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,_

_dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,_

_angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,_

_who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,_

_who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs illuminated, _

_**  
_

Until, after what feels like an eternity, Edward finally pops his head out of the doorway and I let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Edward! Are you ok??"

He puts his finger to his lips. "I'm fine. There's no one here. I searched everywhere. Even out on the fire escape."

I sigh in relief and walk towards him, running my hands up and down my arms. I try to get past him and into the apartment but he blocks my way in.

"What are you doing? I thought you said the coast was clear."

"It is."

"Okayyy, so can I go in?"

He nods and holds out his hand. I slip mine inside his warm palm and squeeze it gently. I'm suddenly overcome with the rush of a thankful high that my precious, gorgeous Edward is still here with me, that he's still mine, and that he's still alive.

"Alright," he says in a tone that sounds like a warning. "Just.....be prepared."

I swallow thickly without asking what the fuck _that's_ supposed to mean and cross the threshold with a tentative step.

I feel on the wall for the light switch but when I flip it on, nothing happens.

My skin prickles.

"The lamp was knocked over," Edward says, answering my unspoken question. "And the ceiling fixture is busted. The only light that works is the one over the stove."

I walk towards the kitchen, pushing the toppled kitchen chairs out of my way. My potted palm tree, Sasha, has been kicked over and is laying on her side spilling her dirt-blood everywhere. Other than that, there's nothing obviously out of place.

_I guess they weren't after my shot-glass collection_, I muse.

_Hmm_. I turn and walk back into the living room where Edward stands waiting. I run my hand across his flat belly as I pass by him and take the three steps around the living room. Other than the standing lamp being knocked over and the shade smashed, nothing is broken or even moved.

In fact, there doesn't seem to be _anything_ of consequence damaged or missing.

"I don't get it," I shrug. "Even my laptop is on the kitchen table where I left it. That's the most expensive thing I own."

Edward's stunning face contorts into a grimace and his hand goes instinctively to his hair.

"Bella...."

"What is it?"

He sighs deeply and moves towards the bedroom door, pushing it open with the flat of his palm. It's too dark inside to see. I follow behind him but he motions for me to stay where I am while he goes in first.

_Weird. _

There's the clinky sound of glass being pushed across a hard, flat surface. Then a click and a small glow of pink light.

_My Hello Kitty night light._ _Smart boy. _I've had it since I was a kid. It came with me everywhere, on all vacations. My mother would leave it on in my room after she had tucked me in at night and magically every morning it would be off when I woke up. Mom used to tell me that Kitty knew when I had fallen asleep and she'd turn herself off.

A few moments later, Edward returns and leads me into our bedroom.

"This is what I meant by 'be prepared'," he murmurs against my temple.

I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. I pull Edward to me roughly and slam my face into his chest. He winds his strong arms around my shoulders and envelops me in a tight embrace. My fingers dig into his back as I try to get as close to him as possible. I'd climb inside him if I could. The tears have started but there's still no sound in the room apart from Edward's calming angelic voice humming into my hair, shhhing me, and telling me that it was all going to be alright.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm here. I will protect you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise. You're safe with me. I promise, baby."

He repeats versions of these sentiments over and over until my crying and shaking subsides.

I lift my head from his chest and turn to look at the scene once more.

The flannel sheets and blankets have been stripped from the bed and strewn to the floor. The mattress is shredded beyond recognition into massive piles of fluff by countless slices from a knife or dagger or a fucking samurai sword. There's stuffing everywhere. Even my feather pillows have been violently stabbed multiple times. The wall above the bed...Jesus Christ the fucking wall...it's been slashed and dug into by what I'm sure is the same blade that tore apart the bed. Delicate piles of white plaster shavings cover what's left of the headboard. The ruts in the wall are deep, like the person doing the digging had pressed down with all of their force over and over and over. Methodically. Angrily. With purpose.

_Wait a second._

I detach from Edward's embrace and approach the wall. Bracing my weight against the headboard, I balance on my knee on what's left of the mattress and trace my fingertips along the gritty grooves.

Five of them in particular.

In a jagged row.

That make letters.

Letters that spell out my name.

_B E L L A_

And, like a bolt of lightning, it hits me.

_It was Jacob. _

_He did this._

I leap off the bed and spin around to assess the reaction on Edward's face. To see if he saw what I saw. But he's turned away from me and looking into the small metal wastebasket.

_Where he used to drop his condoms when we first started sleeping together,_ I giggle to myself.

_How can you possibly think about sex at a time like this?_ internal Bella scolds.

"Looks like someone started a fire," Edward says, holding the can out to me. I reluctantly look inside.

At the bottom, in a blackened heap, are what appears to be crumpled, charred pieces of paper.

My stomach sinks.

_That bastard. He tore up my notebooks. He burned my pages. All my fucking work - gone. _

But looking closer, I realize I'm mistaken. Paper would have turned to ash instantly. These are photos; a dozen matted globs of partially melted photos.

The stench is nauseating.

I hold my breath.

"....My god."

"What?" Edward asks, moving closer and peering over my shoulder. "What is it?"

I stick my hand in and remove a few that aren't completely destroyed or stuck to the bottom.

".....They're of me."

Edward doesn't say a word and I don't turn to look at him.

Instead I squint in the little light there is and begin searching and feeling around on the floor. All my books and knick-knacks have been knocked off the shelves. A giant snow globe I got from a trip to Universal Studios when I was ten had fallen and smashed against the dresser and was dripping water onto exactly what I was looking for.

I bend and pick it up.

"They're from this photo album," I say numbly, holding the small, purplish book in front of the night light so Edward can see.

"Jake gave it to me for my birthday last year." I flip through the soaked pages. They're empty.

"...He went through it and ripped them all out."

Edward picks the burnt photos off the dresser and pries them apart to get a closer look.

_Me and Jake on the couch in his apartment. Jake with his arm around me. Both of us holding a beer and smiling._

_Me coming out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me, holding my hand up to the camera in embarrassment._

Edward's jaw tightens and clenches and I know he's grinding his teeth like he sometimes does in his sleep.

"It was before I knew you, Edward," I whisper, reaching out to put my hand on his forearm.

"That's not it." He turns to me and my heart skips a beat at the way the yellow light plays and casts shadows across his glorious, angular features.

"Bella. These photos are _warm_. They're fucking _warm_. Do you know what that means??? It means-"

He stops his sentence short. I know what it means. He doesn't need to say it. Whoever was here, was _just_ here. Maybe an hour ago, maybe two, maybe less.

A deep, overpowering fear sets in and I turn cold.

"Ok. That's it," Edward orders and suddenly everything kicks into high-gear. He tosses the pictures back in the wastebasket and is out of the room in an instant.

"Get your stuff," he barks over his shoulder.

"Huh?" I'm still moving in slow motion; still trying to process the shock and revulsion.

"Come on, Bella," he comes back in the room and leads me out by the wrist. "Take what you can carry and -"

"Wait. What do you mean?"

"What do I _mean_??" Edward stops in his tracks and stares at me incredulously. "We can't _stay here_. We have to leave, now."

"But. This is my _home_. _Our_ home. Edward-" It makes complete sense to me; then again, I'm pretty jet-lagged.

"Are you insane??" He crosses the floor and is backlit by the light from the hallway, giving the outline of his body a halo-like glow.

"Bella, the people, the _person_ who broke in here, was _looking_ for you. He was hoping to find you here and _alone_. Look at what he did to our _home, Bella._ He fucking tore apart the bed we sleep in."

He's growing more agitated with every word as the reality of the situation sinks in. "And if you were here – _fuck_, I can't even _think_ about what could have happened."

He paces away from me nervously and then returns to my side.

"Bella, baby, _please_, get your things and let's go."

"Well...ok...but..." I shuffle around the room like I'm drunk, hugging my arms under my chest. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know. To a hotel."

He picks up a few things from around the room and tosses them in a bag – it's too dark to see exactly what he's doing but I know better than to ask a dumb question like, _What are you taking?_ at a moment like this.

Instead I say something even more inappropriate for the moment.

"We can't afford to stay in a hotel indefinitely."

It's a logical statement in my mind, but somehow it sounds trivial and besides the point after I blurt it out.

Edward stops what he's doing and pinches the bridge of his nose. It if weren't so dark I could say with absolute certainty that I could see him shaking, but I can't be positive.

"Oh my god, Bella, _come on. _Please hurry up. We can talk about this in the cab."

I love how Edward still says 'please' even when he's beyond frustrated with me.

He is in the hall now, standing at the top of the stairs with his phone in his hand.

"Who are you calling?"

"The police," he mumbles, already in thought and holding the phone to his ear

"...I have to call my dad. I told him I'd -"

"That's a very bad idea," he says quickly while he waits to be connected. "There's nothing he can do and it'll drive him crazy with worry. Wait until we know more, ok? Baby, please. One thing at a time. First I need to get you safe. ...Hi, yes, I'd like to report a break-in. ...Yes? Well, I'm not sure if anything was taken. We're leaving the premises now."

**

It was a brief goodbye with the cab idling by the curb as I ran into the police station and into my father's waiting arms.

"I love ya, Belly," my father said in that deep voice of his. "Always have, always will."

He smelled like Canoe aftershave and coffee.

"I love you too, dad. I'll see you again soon, I promise."

"Oh I know you will," he winked like a devilish child.

_Uh ok? My dad winks now?_

_**_

I grab my Eastpak from the hall closet and stuff in my notebooks, the Foer novel Edward got me for Christmas, and my laptop.

Then I call Emmett.

It rings and rings and goes to voicemail.

_Arrrrgh!!!_

I call the club.

It rings twice.

"Bowery, this is Alice."

"Alice! It's Bella!"

"Bunny!" she squeals. "Are you back? It's so loud here, I can barely hear you. Dub Trio is playing tonight. They're amazing just like you said they would be! The crowd is-"

"Alice!!" I cut her off. "Where's Emmett?? He's not picking up his cell."

"Oh, that's cuz it's sitting on the counter. He's outside smoking. You ok? You sound panicked."

"My apartment was broken into. The door was fucking smashed in like a communion wafer."

"..."

"Alice?"

"_....oh my god." _Her voice falls low, almost inaudible over the pounding music in the background.

"Alice!!?"

"...Are you alright? Where are you? Where's Edward??"

The background noise is gone and her voice, though low, echoes through the phone.

"We're fine. We're here, but we're leaving. ...What's your problem? ...Are you...in the _storage closet_?"

"_Jake,_" she whimpers with the phone close to her mouth. "Bella, I think it was _Jake_."

"I _know_ it was Jake, Alice!" I start yelling. "Y'know how I know?? Because my fucking _NAME_ was carved into the fucking _WALL_ above my fucking _BED_! Why do _YOU_ think it was Jake??"

"Ok calm down and I'll tell you. ...He came by the club tonight. A few hours ago. Looking for you. Emmett threw him out and we didn't think anything else of it. It's been awhile since he's come around so we figured it was just another time that Emmett would have to kick his ass and send him on his way, but, shit, honey, we would never have, if we'd known, _shit_. That _psycho_. Hang on. I'll get Emmett."

There's rustling and a pause and Alice's motormouth and the thumping of the music and more rustling and then Emmett's gruff voice in my ear without an introduction.

"Go to my apartment. Now."

"Um, ok we'll stop by the club and pick up your keys."

"No. Don't come here. I'll meet you there."

I open my mouth to speak but he beats me to it. "Stop dawdling, Bella. Take whatever shit you have with you and get the fuck out of there. "

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and take one last look around my place before stepping out into the hall and shoving the door closed the best I can in its caved in condition. I feel like I'm leaving a friend trapped inside and it makes me want to cry all over again.

Edward is still on the phone with the police and pacing the sidewalk when I get outside. He's sighing in irritation at the questions he's being asked. "Yes, that's what I said. ...About forty minutes ago. I don't know. Yes, we have an idea....uh huh....

...Who's that?" he mouths at me.

"Emmett," I mouth back, hailing a cab.

He nods and turns his attention back, "...No, no, we're not staying here. My girlfriend is in danger, we're both in danger just by being here. Send an officer and we'll come to the station to give our statements."

* * *

**'Count Backwards to Black' is a song by Black Moth Super Rainbow.**

**Thank you for your continued support and reviews.**


	44. A Short Story by Emmett McCarty

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

* * *

**A Short Story by Emmett McCarty**

My sister, Jane, giggled in her sleep. Soft, squealy powder-fresh baby giggles, and I'd stand over her crib at night and watch her by the moonlight; watch the way her forehead scrunched and relaxed the moment before the smile of laughter took over her pudgy features.

When I got tired of standing, I would sit cross-legged on the floor and listen to her coos and ahhs fill the room. When I couldn't sleep, it soothed me. I'd slide out of bed and sneak down the hall without getting caught. Getting caught by him would not be good.

When the laughter was replaced by her steady, measured breathing, I would return to my room with my eyes finally heavy and my body finally willing to accept sleep.

Then one night, he caught me.

"What the hell you think you doin, boy?"

It was late. He was drunk. I smelled him before I saw him.

"Nuthin," I replied low, turning my face away.

"Nuthin but being a dirty peeper, innit that right? You like little girls?" he approached slow. I stayed in my spot on the floor.

"You like watchin 'em? Gits you off, don't it?"

He stopped in front of me. A beastly, hulk of a man.

"She's my sister." I glared at him in disgust. Jane breathed peacefully above me.

"You talkin back to me,_ boy_? You need anuther lesson in respect? You ain't learned yet?"

I was only twelve, but when I rose I reached his shoulder. He lunged at me and this time I didn't run. I let his fat, hairy hand grab me by the throat and shake me and when he tightened his grip, I drew my leg back and drove the ball of my foot into his knee. Once. Twice. Three times. Then without stopping I bent my leg between our bodies and rammed my knee into his gut. His grip loosened and then released and he doubled over, his hands clutching his ribs.

I darted out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Emmett," my mother's weak voice came from the recliner in our tiny living room. She was slumped over the arm, cupping her chin, her eye already swollen and purpling. I opened the drawer and took out a knife, one used to cut meat or carve turkey. Something we never did.

"Sweetie? What are you doing? Your father-"

"He's not my father."

"Emmett-"

"Stop." I was twelve but I acted like a grown-up and I was about to do what I should have done long ago but didn't.

I couldn't regret him even though he was a bastard, I couldn't completely hate him. Because, somehow in between his silence and nasty words and fists, he created Jane.

"Please, Emmy." My mom came towards me, her ratty housecoat tied loosely around her waist. She'd be so pretty if she wasn't always bruised.

"Put the knife down."

I ducked out of her reach and stood in the hallway looking back at her, the knife at my side. He was still in the bedroom. I needed to make sure Jane was still sleeping, still making her breathy, peaceful sleep sounds.

"Emmy," she repeated. "Put it down."

I shook my head slowly, looking directly in her eyes. ...Not gonna happen.

"I know you're upset, sweetie. Mommy's fine. Don't be scared. Everything is going to be alright."

I nodded. It sure would be. And soon.

I heard the pounding thud of heavy footsteps approaching and I braced myself for what their arrival would bring.

"That little fucking prick!! Where is he?!! C'mere you!!" he screamed like the fucking monster he was. I closed my eyes and stuck the knife out in front of me like a sword. I took a deep breath and then I turned to face him.

No I didn't kill him.

Yes I stabbed him.

And yes he bled. He bled all over the carpet while my mother hysterically called for an ambulance and my sister stood in her crib and cried. I stepped over his moaning, writhing body and walked into Jane's room, still holding the knife at my side.

"No one will ever hurt you now, Janie," I smiled. She quieted and looked at me curiously. Then she stuck her fingers in her mouth and plopped down on her butt. I followed her lead and resumed my spot, cross-legged on the floor and waited for them to come get me.

* * *

**Just a little insight into why Emmett is so protective of Bella, and of women in general.**

**Back to what happens after Bella and Edward get to Emmett's in the next chapter.  
**


	45. Slow Life

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

* * *

Even though you're the only I see  
It's the last catastrophe  
Place your bets on chance and apathy  
From the wind in front of me

- from _Slow Life_, by Grizzly Bear

**EPOV**

Since our break-up, my father has tried in vain to keep my interest in Victoria piqued by any means necessary; be it dropping overtly obvious hints at how well she's doing, how her career has sky-rocketed through her ambition and talent, how limitless her potential is and how it will afford her the opportunity to make her even more money than she's already raking in now; or sounding deeply saddened by the rumors that she is romantically linked with Jason Jenks, a successful dick-head of a prosecuting attorney based in Los Angeles.

"Like I give a_ fuck_, dad," is my usual answer whenever he starts in, to which he quickly responds with an innocent sigh,

"I just thought you'd be interested to know that's all."

"And why on Earth would you think that? ...By the way, _I'm_ fine, and so is my _girlfriend_, Isabella."

I was hoping the next time we spoke, I'd be able to refer to her as my fiancee, but the cards were not playing out in my favor.

* * *

"Calm down, Edward. Calm down, man," Emmett said, nodding towards the bedroom where Bella was laying down.

"It was him," I hissed in a whisper so Bella couldn't hear. "It was that fucking_ punk_ Jacob Black. He broke into her place with the intention of finding her there. Holy_ fuck_," I spat taking another lap around the room. "What would have happened if she'd been there, Emmett? If you could have_ seen _what he did to the _bed _where we fucking _sleep_. What if we had been home?"

"Well...you would have been there...aaaaaand kicked his ass," Emmett joked lamely.

"Don't tempt me. Do _not_ tempt me." I paced like a tiger in a cage. "If I ever find out where he lives-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there. You've seen the members of the Black clan and what they're capable of." He lifted the palm of his hand to show me the zigzagged scar that formed the new life line forever etched into his skin.

I huffed and collapsed on the couch with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. _What the fuck was I going to do? How could I possibly fix this?_

After arriving at Emmett's and tucking Bella into his king-sized bed, I took the glass of whiskey he kept offering me and tried to get my head on straight.

One drink turned into two turned into four.

I was stunned by the interior of Emmett's apartment. Not only was it big – almost as big as Victoria's – but it was fucking awesomely decorated. Not that modern artsy minimalist bullshit that Victoria liked with weird shaped bowls and vases strategically placed on end tables, and not overly cluttered and scattered like Bella's (I loved my girl but her organization gives me a headache, yet she knows exactly where everything is); there was just enough art and photos on the wall to hold your interest and just enough clothes laying haphazardly on the floor and hung over chairs to make it clear a man lived here. Dark mahogany furniture, thick drapes dusted the hard-wood floor. A flat-screen TV hung on the wall opposite the cream-colored couch. The stereo system was closed behind the glass doors of an impressive bookcase, filled with actual books. _Emmett reads?_

"So, who's that?" I asked, pointing to a row of photos in identical frames. They were of a girl with blond hair in a yellow cap and gown smiling bright and holding up her diploma proudly.

"My sister. Jane. Those are from her high school graduation. She's nineteen now. She goes to Loyola."

"She's beautiful," I added, and Emmett nodded in agreement.

Without warning the front door burst open and I jumped to my feet prepared for battle. But it was just Rosalie with a tear-stained face and shaking hands. She raced to me and flung herself limply into my arms.

"Oh Edward," she cried. "I was so scared. So scared. I saw him, too, yknow. He was there, Edward. At the club. I was there and I saw him." She held me painfully tight and whimpered into my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, RoRo. Don't you worry."

"And Bella? The poor lamb. She must be a nervous wreck. That fucking psycho," she spat.

"She's alright. She's laying down."

"Alice and Jasper are on their way," she sniffled.

I turned to Emmett with question in my brow.

"There was no way that pixie could finish her shift," he shrugged, his eyes focused on my sister. I continued to rub Rose's back. "She was buzzing all over me so I said she could quit early and come by. ...Nutjob," Emmett shook his head. "D's holding down the fort. He'll call at the first scent of Jacob Black or his brothers."

I pushed Rose's hair over her shoulder to let her know it was ok to let go of me. It was what we did when we were kids and one of us was upset. She'd scrunch her tiny fingers into a fist in the hair at the back of my neck, and I'd gather hers – which was always long down her back – in one hand and push it over her shoulder. It was our sign to each other that we were going to be ok.

Rosalie nodded and released her hold on me. She went into the kitchen with Emmett and I made a beeline to the bedroom to see about a girl.

I tried not to think that it was Emmett's bed I was crawling into even though it was fitted with pristine white sheets that smelt freshly laundered and a thick goose-down comforter. Instead I concentrated on getting close to my Bella, to hold her, and comfort her.

"Edward?" came her weak voice from under the covers.

"I'm here baby."

"Mmm," she shifted closer. "Good."

"Get some sleep. I'll be right beside you all night."

"Forever."

"Hm?" I hummed into her hair.

"Right beside me forever," she murmured, nuzzling into my chest.

"Of course my love. There's never been a doubt in my mind about that." I smoothed her long bangs from her forehead and kissed her temple.

"What did the police say?" she asked.

"They had a few more questions, but I said we weren't coming back to the station."

"What did they want to know?"

"Just some stuff about the items in your apartment, if there was anything the person who broke in might have wanted."

She groaned and sighed deeply. "The_ person_ who broke in wouldn't know the value of anything they found in there."

She was damn right about that. The only thing Jacob Black wanted was settled in my arms, and he sure as shit didn't know the first fucking thing about her value.

"They're taking another look around and are going to check out that address you gave them."

She shuddered. I knew it was the address in Queens where Jacob lived with his brothers and where Bella spent a good portion of her time when they were together.

"He's dangerous, Bella. He needs to be off the streets."

She nodded and tears ran down her cheeks and dripped onto the pillow. I wiped at them with the tip of my pinky. "I'm so proud of you, Bonita. You're so fucking strong."

"Where is she?! _Bella?!!_" A loud bang came from the front door and Alice's voice sang through the living room.

"Damn, Brandon, don't you knock?" I heard Emmett growl.

"Sorry Em but I need to see Bella." Her voice grew closer and the clicks of her heels grew louder as she clacked down the hall.

"...I know they're not fucking. Sweetie??" she called.

"In here," Bella answered. "It's ok, Al. You can come in."

The door pushed open and the light flipped on and Alice was revealed with Jasper in tow.

"Bunny!" she shrieked. She crawled across the bed and settled in between us. "Jesus- fucking- ass I'm so glad you're ok. And _Edward_, you wonderful man, you!" She slung an arm around each of our necks and pulled us to her chest.

"I love you guys so much and we're going to find him, Bella, we're gonna get him. The police. I mean. ...Edward. You told them everything them, right?"

I nodded as much as I could in her death-grip and she hugged me tighter.

"That's right. They'll find him and they'll lock him up and throw away the key."

"I don't think it works that way, Ally," Bella said.

"How does it work, then? He's not going to just _get away with it_, is he?"

"I don't know what's going to happen yet," Bella sighed. "My head's spinning from all of this. I just don't _understand_. ...Why would he do this _now_? It doesn't make sense to me."

"Maybe it wasn't him," Jasper shrugged.

"What?!" Alice squealed. "Of _course_ it was Jacob. We saw him in the bar tonight, he was _looking_ for _Bella_. Who _else_ could it be?"

"Dunno. That chick Eddie used to be with sounds like a pure-bred psycho-killer."

"You think _Victoria _did this?" I asked incredulously.

"She's not violent, Jazz," Bella interjected. "She may be able to make me feel like a pile of dogshit just by looking at me....but breaking into my apartment? Carving my name over my bed? Burning pictures of me and Jake? Nah."

"You guys enjoying the orgy you're having in my room?" Emmett butted in. Rosalie hung on his shoulder, having changed into a long frilly cotton night dress and ballet slipper-socks. She obviously kept clothes here. Interrresting.

"_Em_," she scolded, rolling her eyes.

_Did Emmett just blush?_ What had my sister done to him??

"Just fuckin' with you," Emmett said. "You can stay here as long as you need."

"Thanks, Emmett." I rose to shake his hand. "That's really decent of you. I was going to get a hotel room, I didn't presume to think that we'd-"

"Hey hey, you don't need to say a thing to me about it, man. I've been looking for a way to...I dunno...show you I'm not a dick...make me worthy of your sister...whateverthefuck it takes...you're a ...well, anyway. Just, uh, no fucking in my bed."

I laughed and gave him a pound.

"I need everyone here, Emmett," Bella insisted from her fetal position. "I need everyone I love near me or I won't be able to sleep."

"You got it, mama. The couch pulls out – Brandon and John Edward can sleep there - and there's a spare bedroom around the corner, down the hall. Me and Blondie will take it there."

"Wait a sec," I interrupted. "Down the _hall_? You mean there's more? Christ, Emmett, your place is _big_."

"That ain't the _only_ thing that's big, bro," he winked deviously.

"Huh?"

It took me a good few seconds before I got his dirty insinuation.

"...Aw dude! Ew!! Come on, man. My sister?...aw god...TMI!" I laughed, doubling over on the mattress and feigning a puke attack.

Once the madness had settled and everyone had retired to their separate areas to tuck in for the night, I laid next to Bella and stroked her arm until she fell asleep. Still fully clothed, I eased off the bed and tip-toed to the other side of the room, by the helpful light of Bella's Hello Kitty night light, to where we'd stacked our suitcases and bags. Luckily I'd left mine open. Quietly as I could, I dug my hand around through my clothes and toiletries until I came upon the plain blue box that contained my uncertain future. I sighed as I felt the comfort of it's weight in the palm of my hand. Jacob Black would never take my Bella from me. I was going to marry her. I was going to make her mine forever and there was nothing he could do about it. We were inseparable, she and I. You cannot stop something as meant to be as Bella Swan and Edward Cullen.

I opened the delicate box and removed the ring from it's tiny satin pillow. I blinked away the tears as I stared at it glinting between my fingers. Bella stirred under the covers and moaned my name in her sleep. _Edward._

_Yes, my love. Soon. Very soon._

**BPOV**

Eventually life returned to normal; as much normalcy as could be expected given the fucking mess we came home to after our relaxing trip to Forks.

My shaking and night terrors subsided after the first day or so, much to the pleasure of Edward's weary eyes. Jacob never hurt me in my dreams. He never got to me. Edward always stopped him before he could deal the blow that knocked me down. That was when I would start to scream. Loud, piercing screams as I watched Jacob's eyes turn black as coal and hate-filled as he sheathed his knife into Edward's chest.

"What is it, baby? What happened in the dream?" Edward would ask softly, rocking me in his arms as I told myself it wasn't real, that Edward was still with me.

"Jacob. He had me cornered in a closet and he was coming at me," I lied. Yeah the idea of that happening was scary as shit, but I'd take it any day over anything involving Edward. This was _my_ problem, _my_ fucked-up past fucking up my precious present.

Edward would curse under his breath and hold me closer, apologizing profusely for something that was zero percent his fault.

We stayed at Emmett's place for about a week while the debris and evidence was removed from my apartment. I had to buy a new bed and headboard, which Jasper and Edward installed in the bedroom. Emmett took it upon himself to sand down the walls until every malicious groove had been removed and smoothed down. Alice and Rosalie painted them a color of my choosing and I didn't step foot back inside until it was all done.

We went out for dinner and drinks as a group to mark the occasion of our return to the apartment, and Edward and I spent our first night together in our new bed reclaiming each others bodies in every position possible.

I returned to work at the bar, even though Emmett advised me to stay away. He suggested that perhaps I find somewhere else to work for awhile. At least until Jacob was found. But I refused and he knew better to keep arguing with me.

That was another thing. Jacob hadn't been found. The police showed up at the Queens address I provided them to find the apartment empty. They searched it and found a few baggies with the residue of white powder but no sign of Jake or his brothers. They questioned neighbors and the whores that hung out on the street corners, but if they had information they weren't giving it up. I didn't expect them to. Their loyalties didn't lie with the authorities.

It had been nearly two weeks since what Edward and I now referred to as "the incident" and there was still no word on Jake's whereabouts. But I wasn't going to let him or the fear of his brothers paralyze my life. I had a job, a home, a man I loved. He wasn't going to take the pleasure of any of those things away from me.

* * *

"Bella?" I spun in my kitten heels in the direction of my name. It sounded familiar, as though I'd heard it called with that same voice before, but I couldn't place it.

I quickly scanned the sidewalk for a face I recognized as belonging to someone who knew me. I wasn't scared, although my knee-jerk reaction was to run. I wouldn't put it past Jake to have had vocal re constructive surgery just to throw me off.

Finally my eyes narrowed and focused on the person - a slight, wiry young man with bright gray eyes, - who was saying my name again.

"Bella _Swan_, right?" he repeated, squinting in the high sunlight.

The sallow complexion, the sandy blond hair considerably longer than I remember. The violin case slung over his shoulder.

"_Raymond?_ Raymond _Barnes, _right?"

He grinned and stood a bit taller. "That's right. We met at NYU and again at-"

"Joe's Pub!" I exclaimed.

"You remembered."

"How could I forget? You played so beautifully. I don't think I ever told you, but honestly, you took my breath away."

"Thanks," he shrugged, unaffected by my compliment. "Hey, listen, I know it's been...what, six months? Damn, time flies or whatever the irritating cliché is that describes it's unstoppable passage. Anyway, um, out of curiosity – and allow me to apologize in advance if this is an inappropriate question given the fragility of most relationships involving twenty-something New Yorkers - but um....are you still dating Edward Cullen?"

"I most certainly am."

"Well, lucky you. And lucky me it would seem. ...Is he still playing?"

We fell in step and without realizing it, he was accompanying me on my walk to work. Edward was usually my walking partner, but he'd taken up a few extra shifts at Jasper's restaurant while he, in his words, "Gets his shit together."

"Ummm, he plays occasionally I guess. Not as often as he would like unfortunately. He played a bunch when we were in Forks recently...where Edward is from. But we don't have a piano at the club so he usually just brings his guitar and his voice to open mics."

"Which are not too shabby, I might add."

"Not too shabby at all," I smiled. I was definitely enjoying Raymond's company and his admiration of Edward made me beam with pride.

"It's a real coincidence to run into you this way," he began as we made our down the final blocks to my destination. "I've been thinking about Edward a lot recently. I'm taking an advanced summer composition and music theory course, and," he sighed deeply running his hand down his face in obvious frustration at what he was about to reveal.

"Some of the crap these kids are coming up with...it's just that. Crap. I'm forced to work with them and use their 'skills' in the performance of my compositions. It's absurd but I have no choice. It's the way the program works. I'm dealing with it. Anyway, it made me think. Some of the stuff I used to hear Edward play in the practice rooms when he thought no one was listening...I know some of that stuff was his own."

"I'm sure it was," I replied, unsure where this conversation was heading.

"Well, Bella. No offense, but to the untrained ear I doubt you could tell the difference between classic Liszt and an Edward Cullen original. _That's_ talent. That's skill and innovation and a dozen other adjectives. And _that's_ what's needed at the Kimmel Center."

He pulled a notebook and pen from his bag and ripped out a blank page. He scribbled something down, folded the paper five times into a tiny square, and handed it to me.

"Can you please give that to him? You can read it if you want. It's just my number and a note. I'd love to have him on my team...musically speaking," he winked.

"Sure, no problem." We were now stopped outside the club. I slid the note in my back pocket.

"It was great to see you, Raymond. I look forward to hearing you play again."

"Tell Edward to call me and you will," he smirked and began walking away. "Take care, Bella. Have fun at work."

* * *

It was an uncharacteristically crazy Wednesday at the club. Spoken Word nights were turning into a huge hit, and the bar was packed. It was great for business and before I knew it my shift was over. I offered to stay til close – which was 4am - but Donovan, Craig, and Emmett assured me they had it under control. Edward had called around midnight to ask if it was ok if he grabbed a drink with a few guys from the restaurant.

I rolled my eyes immediately. "You don't have to ask my permission, Edward. There's no reason you can't go out for a drink with friends. I'm fine. Really."

He'd been extra-special clingy since "the incident"; checking in every hour that we weren't together, making sure someone was with me at all times, even if was just Alice or Rosalie. I swear, I couldn't take a piss lately without someone standing outside the door. It was sweet and I reminded myself to put myself in his shoes and imagine the constant fear that must eat at him, but I missed my independence. I needed to know that I was capable of taking care of myself for five minutes without a chaperone.

"Alright," he said reluctantly. "Make sure Emmett walks you home."

"Yes, dear. I love you," I kissed him through the phone and hung up.

Emmett was taking fucking forever to come out from the back room. I'd been sitting on the barstool by the door for almost an hour waiting for him. I didn't want to bother D or Craig. They were barely holding it together at the bar and I was this close to putting my bag down and clocking back in.

Finally Craig broke away from the customers and made his way over to my end of the bar. He was panting as he lifted a few bottles of vodka from the case. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Bells. Emmett's breaking up a scuffle in the men's room."

I knew what that meant. People were fucking or doing drugs or both. Happens from time to time. A line forms and people complain and Emmett breaks the door down and rectifies the situation. Sometimes it takes ten minutes, sometimes an hour – depending on how cooperative the individuals in question are.

"As soon as I get a minute, I'll take you home, I promise. I just can't leave D to serve the whole bar right now. There'll be a fucking riot. I'm so sorry. Don't hate me." He gave me a frowny face and I giggled.

"As if," I rolled my eyes. "It's cool. I can take myself home."

"Don't you fucking dare," he gasped. "I mean it, you fucking sit right there and wait like a good girl or Uncle Emmett will have my head."

"Jesus fine I won't go anywhere. I'll sit right here for the rest of my life." I stuck my tongue out and pouted.

"Thank you, chica." He let out a grateful sigh of relief.

"Yeah yeah, get back to work." I waved him away and adjusted my sore ass on the wooden barstool.

Another half hour passed and the possibility of me going home any time soon seemed nil.

That was it. I reached across the bar for a cocktail napkin and left a note.

**Went home. I'll call you when I get there. Don't blame Craig. xo, B.**

I pushed the napkin towards the taps where I knew it would be found and slipped out the door unnoticed.

_Thank fucking finally._

I put my earbuds in, my ipod on shuffle and set out towards home. It wasn't a long walk, a few blocks, a couple avenues. I'd be there in no time and they could all chillthefuckout. I debated calling or texting Edward to find out where he was but I decided against it. He was making new friends at a new job and I understood the importance of fitting in. Plus he was with Jazz and I think Alice, so he was in good hands. Let him have his fun. I'd see him at home, if he wasn't there already. He'd be pissed when he found out that I'd walked home alone but I'd make him forget allll about that. Edward after a few drinks was easy to take advantage of.

I spent the majority of my walk envisioning the various ways to distract Edward from giving me crap about my escape. A well-timed blowjob would be the easiest route, he was putty in my hands when his dick was in my mouth. Hmmm. Definitely an option.

I picked up the pace as I turned down my block. Maybe Edward was already asleep. A groggy Edward was a yummy-fuckable Edward. Oh man I was soaked just thinking about those hooded emerald eyes shrouded with sleepiness widening as they realized I was laying on top of him sans clothing.

I'd almost broke into a run when suddenly I felt the weight of a heavy hand on my shoulder. I froze as the initial gripped tightened and swung me around. I pulled the earbuds from my ears and squinted in the muted yellow haze of the streetlight. Jake's face was mere inches from my own and his grip was tightening with each passing second..

"Hey Bella," he growled with a mock sweetness to his tone. "Where ya goin?" His lips were pulled away from his gums to bare his teeth gnashing and grinding inside his clenched jaw.

I gulped audibly and barely managed to eke out a weak response. I was fucking terrified.

"…Jake. Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I followed you. You shouldn't walk around the city late at night with your headphones on. Never know who might be coming up behind you."

I found my breath and got a bit bolder.

"Leave me alone, _Jacob Black_." I announced his name loudly to anyone around me who might be listening and who could run for help. Unfortunately, there was no one around. The street was eerily devoid of any life.

Jake took a menacing step forward in his steel-toed Doc Martens and I backed up until the small of my back hit the sharp doorknob of my building.

"I've tried," he snarled and I smelt the faint residue of pot and booze on his breath. "But I can't do it. You're inside me. I miss you. ...I miss being inside you."

My heart was racing and the seriousness of the situation escalated and grew more real with every passing second.

_I'm not going to be able to get away from him on my own. _

"That's never going to happen again, Jake. I told you it's over. It's been over for months. Why won't you accept that?"

"It's not fair, Bella. You never gave me another chance like I asked you to. I told you if you gave me another chance we would be happy together. Didn't I? We would be happy again."

"You broke into my apartment. I know it was you. You tore apart my _bed,_ you clawed my name into my_ walls_, you burned our photos. That isn't normal behavior, Jake. That's wrong and scary and I don't trust you anymore."

"Because you wouldn't listen! All I wanted was another chance!! You think you're too good for me now?! Is that it?!! You think you can keep ignoring me and I'm going to just stand by and let it happen?! I _saved_ you. _He left you and I saved you!!_ You owe me. _ I _was there for you. After _he_ hurt you. He's lucky I didn't make him pay for what he did to you. You love me."

"No I don't," I said softly with pleading eyes.

"YES you do." He grabbed my wrist and jerked me towards him.

"Let go of me!!" I screamed. "Stoppit!! You're hurting me, Jake. I said let go of my arm that hurts!!"

"What don't you understand, _asshole_? She said get the _fuck_ off her." Edward emerged from the shadows and shoved Jacob into the brick wall, ripping his grip from my aching forearm.

"Ooooh look who it is to the rescue," he snapped. "What a surprise. …This doesn't concern you, _Cullen_. This is between me and Bella."

"She _is_ my business, you fucking piece of shit, now back the FUCK up and walk away before this goes somewhere you don't want it to."

"_You're _threatening _me_?" Jake threw his head back and laughed. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into, pretty boy. She was mine first. You wanna fight for her? Huh?? You wanna show her want a man you are?" He licked his lips and pulled a switch-blade out of his pocket. He flipped it open and twirled it skillfully between his fingers. "Let's do it."

"Jake, NO!!" I cried out, dropping my bag and running down the sidewalk. "STOP!!"

But I was too late. It was already happening and would be over in an instant.

They battled. Jacob charged and sliced his blade through the air. Edward jumped back in time to avoid contact and threw a blow that made a deafening connection with Jake's cheekbone. Jake shook it off and charged again, arm outstretched with the blade pointed at Edward's chest. Edward stood his ground and kicked Jacob in the chest with the heel of his shoe, sending him stumbling. But he recovered and was back again in an instant, slicing that fucking knife through the air, narrowly missing Edward's torso by hairs.

I screamed and cried for help but no one came. It was a living nightmare.

"_Where is everyone?!!_" I shrieked. "_Someone help!! Jake, stop!! Edward, please!!_"

Jake rushed forward, but Edward ducked and managed to grab him by both of his arms, pinning them behind his back. Edward dragged him to the side of the building and slammed his body against it again and again.

"Drop the knife, Black!! Fucking drop it!!" Edward demanded, each time bashing Jake against a different part of the wall, the brick, the siding that covered the closed fruit stand.

Jake struggled and fought inside Edward's hold, stomping and kicking, lurching his head back to head-butt Edward in the face. But Edward only tightened the hold, wrenching Jacob's arms further back and locking them at his elbows. It looked incredibly painful and I swore I could hear Jake's shoulder joints cracking.

"I said drop the fucking knife before I split your fucking skull open, man!! I'm not kidding!" Edward bellowed, slamming him up against the locked wrought iron gate. They had moved out from under the light of the street lamp and I struggled to see exactly what was happening.

"Edward, the knife!!" I yelled. "Be careful!! He still has the knife!!" I raced towards them. I would help. I would get the knife out of Jake's hands and kick him in the balls for good measure.

"No!" Edward roared when he saw me approaching. "Bella, stay back!!" His eyes were wild as he held on to Jake with all his might.

I slowed but continued to walk towards them.

"I said stay back! …._Bella_..." My name gargled in his throat and at that moment I knew something was very, _very_ wrong. His grip on Jacob slacked and Jacob was able to wriggle free, but not before Edward cracked him across the face with the full force of his elbow, laying him out on the pavement with a splat.

Then Edward turned and what I saw will be forever burned in my memory. A circle of red was spreading and darkening his already dark green shirt.

"My god Edward!!" I shrieked. "Edward you're hurt!!"

He took one stutter step towards me and collapsed. "Run," he coughed. "Bella, run." My love was doubled over on the pavement, clutching at his belly in a feeble attempt to hold back the blood that was seeping out. I choked back a sob and dropped to my knees in front of him. Jacob was a few feet away, also laying prostrate on the ground.

"_Edward_," I whimpered, my throat constricting as I choked back the sobs threatening to escape. I squeezed back the tears and reached my hand out. It was shaking as I placed it on his cheek. "_Edward...no, Edward,no...I won't leave you._"

I ran my fingers through his damp hair and watched his life spilled onto the sidewalk. He was still warm.

He scrunched his eyes closed and his brow furrowed and I knew a wave of agony was ripping through his gullet. "_Bellaaaa_," he groaned. "_Get out of here_."

Over Edward's shoulder I could see the form of Jacob's body moving against the pavement. He was lifting himself off the ground and shaking off the daze of Edward's final blow. He wasn't nearly as injured as Edward was. Just a few cuts and scrapes and surface bruises.

Jacob stood, wobbly at fist, then straightened. The silouhette of the blade crossed Edward's body as his massive frame hovered over us. He still had it in his hand.

Edward's eyes widened as the shadow of its point passed over my face. He took a deep breath, as much as his broken and shredded body would allow, and he screamed in my face.

"_BELLA FUCKING RUUUUUN!!!!!!!_"

I scrambled to my feet just out of Jacob's reach as he stepped over Edward's body and lunged towards me. I stumbled backwards for a couple of steps before the adrenaline hit and I took off down the street in the opposite direction.

I didn't look back. I ran down the empty sidewalk, past storefronts that all looked the same. There were no headlights of oncoming cars, just the murky darkness of Alphabet City in the middle of the night on a Wednesday. I could hear his heavy footsteps gaining on me and the snorting sounds of his animal-like breathing. I kept going, the night air burning my throat each time I inhaled. Tears streamed down my face and blurred my vision as I ran in the direction of the only place I could think of to find safety.

I reached the end of the block, where 2nd Street meets Bowery. Cars and cabs whizzed by us now and I paused to avoiding sailing head on into traffic. I looked over my shoulder and that was where my journey ended. Jacob was right on my heels, his expression feral and ferocious. I made it across the intersection by sheer luck. With the club in my sights I moved to sprint the home stretch. It was with that first step that I missed the lip of the curb and plummeted to the concrete face first.

As my head met the sidewalk in slow motion, I knew then that I had failed. I'd failed Edward. I'd left him helpless and alone. All he wanted was for me to be safe, to run, and I couldn't even do that for him. He hadn't asked me to get help. As he lay injured to a degree I would never know the true extent of, his only thought was of my safety. I had let him down. No one would know where he was. He wouldn't be found in time to be saved. And it was all my fault.

I hated myself and I was glad that I was going to die.


	46. Stay with me, baby

**I've been in a serious Elliott Smith mood lately, so that should explain alot. lol.**

**is this the first EmmettPOV? erm. i think so. cool.**

**thanks for continuing to read and review and for being awesome in general xoxo  
**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

* * *

Because your candle burns too bright  
Well I almost forgot it was twilight  
Even if I think that you are right  
Well I'm tired of being down, I got no fight

- from _Twilight_, by Elliott Smith_  
_

**EmmettPOV**

Second time tonight.

_Motherfuckers._

It's the second time tonight that I'm banging on the men's room door. The first time I barged in just in time for the money shot. Fucking nasty.

What is it about poetry that makes people feel like fucking? I don't understand it, but whatever floats your boat I suppose.

"_YO!!_ " I yell over the house music, rapping my knuckles against the door. "Whoever's in there and whatever you're doing - You have _ten fucking seconds_ to pull your pants up and get the fuck out here or this door is coming down!! Get to know each other somewhere else! There's people gotta piss out here!"

"Hey man, can we at least finish?"

"Sorry pal. This ain't Babylon. Put your dick away."

"Oh yeah? What if I don't?"

"I'll be forced to remove you against your will. Which is fine. Just let me know so I can take this shirt off. My girlfriend bought it for me and I don't want to get your blood on it."

"Awright, awright, chill out we're leaving. ...Let's go baby."

The door opens and a scruffy hipster with a week-old beard is tightening his belt and leading his embarrassed lady-friend with the off-the-shoulder Flashdance sweatshirt out by the hand.

I peek my head inside to survey the damage.

"Hey hey hey. Take your trash with you, bro. It's nice to see you're protecting yourself, 'specially with the skanks that come in here, but I ain't picking up your used rubber _or_ cleaning up your jizz."

I head back to the front to fetch my wallet and cell before taking Bella home. She's probably pissed as fuck that I've kept her waiting this long. I turn the corner and scan the barstools.

No Bella.

I check outside to see if she's smoking a cigarette like she does when she's bored. I don't even like the idea of her doing that without someone accompanying her but I'll let it go this once.

No Bella.

I stalk inside and give Craig the stink eye.

"Where is she?"

"Huh?"

"Huh??!!" I imitate in irritation. "_HUH???_ Where's _BELLA_?"

"Oh. Um. Sh-she left."

"She left?" I repeat, taking a deep breath and willing myself to not hurdle over the counter and pummel him. "Okayyy. That's fine. Who took her home. D?"

"Umm. No."

"Edward picked her up? Jasper? Brandon? Someone escorted her_._ Stop me when I reach the answer I want to fucking hear." My blood is boiling.

Craig's eyes fall to the floor and I know I'm not going to like what I hear next.

"I told her to wait. I told her I'd take her when I had a second to breathe, but you know Bella, she has no fucking patience. When I turned back around she was gone. She left a note though."

"A note." My brain's literally pulsing inside my skull and dribbling out of my ears.

"A NOTE?!!!" I explode. "A fucking _NOTE!!!_ What did I _tell you_?! What did I tell _all of you_??!!" I shout, enraged.

"N-never leave her alone. A-lways watch out for her."

"Exactly!! And she left a fucking NOTE. ...If you can't take her home – FINE – but you come back and you get me. You _find me_," I lecture, my fists digging into the wood counter top.

"Emmett!" Donovan calls out from the other end of the bar. "Phone!"

I turn to Craig and growl through clenched teeth. "That better be Bella telling me she's home and safe." He cowers as I push past him and grab the phone out of D's hand.

"You better have a damn good reason for leaving, Swan," I snap. "We talked about this."

"Dude, it's Percy," comes a familiar voice on the other end of the line. My heart sinks. Something is wrong. Percy never calls me when he's on duty.

"What's up? Your shift over? Wanna come by for a drink?" I try to keep it light to force this call to be good when I know it's about to be anything but.

"Wish I could, man....but...I just drove by your club on my way to a call when I saw a commotion up the street. A group of people huddled around the corner looking at something on the ground."

"And???" I bark. I'm at my wit's end with this suspense bullshit.

"I pulled over...It was Bella, Em."

"Where the fuck are you now?"

"Driving around the Lower East Side looking for Jacob Black. Bystanders told me they saw a large – they used the word _large_ - man chasing Bella across the intersection when she tripped and fell. He tried to drag her off but ran when people started to notice. It had to be him, man. Bella wouldn't cooperate, wouldn't let me help her into the car. There was no blood but she was curled in the fetal position and kept repeating some other guy's name."

The rest of Percy's explanation fell on deaf ears after the words _Jacob Black_. I had already dropped the phone and bolted out the door without another word.

* * *

"Back up back up back up," I ordered, shoving my way through the small crowd built around Bella. A forty-something man was attempting to lift her to her feet. All I could hear was Bella crying and screaming out the word HELP over and over and at the top of her lungs.

"I can take it from here, thanks man, give her here," I said, nodding him a thank you and removing Bella from his grasp. She cried out unintelligibly and drooped in my arms.

"Bella, Bella. It's alright. It's Emmett. I'm here. Tell me what happened." I tried to soothe her, to get her to look at me but her head had fallen lifelessly to my shoulder.

"Edward," she sniffled.

"Edward did this to you?" I knew that wasn't true but I needed to get her attention.

"No!'"she yelled, quickly pulling herself up straight. She attempted to stand on her own but the moment she put pressure on her ankle, it gave and she slid to her knees with a thud. I squatted beside her. The crowd had quickly grown bored with the scene and disbursed. Passers-by seemed equally uninterested in the man and woman kneeling on the grimy sidewalk.

"Edward's hurt," she cried inconsolably, digging her nails into the broken cement. "Jacob...Jacob _stabbed him_. ..._Emmett_, he _stabbed_ him. You have to go...you have to find _Edward_. ..._Edward I'm so sorryyyyy_," she wailed. She made a second attempt to stand, reaching to grab the bottom of my jeans. She pulled with all of her might but there was no strength left in her broken bird-body. Her eyes were wide and dilated, her expression nauseated and dazed. I scooped her under the armpits and lifted her into my arms the way a groom does his bride.

"What the fuck are you doing??!!" she protested.

"You want me to leave you on the sidewalk?"

"Edward's hurt! He's bleeding out on the pavement in front of my apartment!! You have to help him!!!"

"I'm going to, Bella. I'm going to help him right now."

"_How??_ _How are you going to help him??" _she shrieked.

"By keeping you safe." I kept walking.

"_Put me the fuck down!! You're going the wrong way!!_"

She was hysterical. Thrashing and kicking in my arms and crying hysterically at the pain and the images in her mind. She was making her injuries worse by fighting me. Luckily she weighed 110 pounds soaking wet and her incessant struggling could be contained by a tight grasp from just one of my arms. I used the other to fish my phone out of my pocket.

"Percy it's Emmett. Did you find him? ...yeah. Look I need you to pull every string you can and get an ambulance to Bella's apartment in thirty seconds. ...Pull them off the call! ...No she's fine. It's Edward. Her boyfriend. That fucker _stabbed him_. ...You're faster than 911, bro. ...I knew you'd come through. ...Peace."

I could feel Bella's stare. I turned my head slightly to look at her from the bottom of my eyes.

"Connections, Bella," I smirked.

I kicked open the front door to the club and walked in with Bella still in my arms. Behind the bar Craig gawked at me with fear in his eyes.

"Holy shit, what happened?!" He threw his towel down and jumped over the bar.

"Take her," I barked. He's lucky I didn't have the time or energy to punch him in the face for letting Bella leave in the first place.

"Take her where?" he looked around for a chair or empty stool.

"Take her in the _back_, put her in my _office_, and _make sure she stays there this time_!!!" I roared in his face.

"...Bella? Bella look at me," I took her chin in my fingers. Her eyes were glazed over like she'd done a hit of heroin but I knew she could see me. "An ambulance is on it's way to Edward right now. The police are searching for Jacob Black. My boy Percy will make sure every officer in the area drops whatever the fuck they're doing to take this call. They'll make it priority."

"He's all alone," she sobbed, dropping her face into her cut up hands. "all alone all alone."

"Not for long, Bell," I hushed. "Not for long."

I turned to Craig who was still hovering over us like a confused child.

"You." I rocked him in the chest with the tip of my index finger. "You're closing up tonight. Keep your phone _on_ and on you at all times. Don't put it down for a fucking _second_. You think you can handle that, genius?"

I turned back to Bella, who was still whimpering into her hands. "_ And you_ stay put, y'hear me? I mean it. And stay off that foot. I think you broke your ankle."

"Wh-where are you going?"

I knelt down to put us at eye-level with each other. I sighed and patted her leg. She nodded her head once. And then I did something I'd never done.

I hugged her first.

* * *

By the time I'd run my ass off and reached Bella's block, the ambulance had already arrived and the paramedics were loading Edward into the back.

"Whoa whoa whoa wait!" I yelled, sprinting across the street. The skeptical paramedic adjusting the stethoscope around his neck stood back and assessed my intentions.

"I know this man," I continued, out of breath and raising my hands to show him I was unarmed. "His name is Edward Cullen. He's my friend. Please. Can I ride with him? Percy McGuinn, the officer who called you out here, he's my buddy. You can check with him if you don't trust me. Please man," I pleaded, sweating like a fiend. "Please."

The paramedic, he couldn't have been more than twenty-three, paused and finally relented. "Yeah ok get in."

I was pushed to the back of the wagon, flush against the double doors, as they attended to Edward in double quick time. There was blood everywhere. All over Edward, all over the gurney. Somehow there was even some of Edward's blood on me. There was a haze of noise and sickening smells and the ambulance speeding through traffic.

They called out his name while attaching tubes and hooking him up to monitors that blinked and blipped and had all these colorful lines across them. I strained to hear but there was no response from Edward, no sound that I recognized, and my heart sank as the words 'shock' and 'hemorrhaging' were used in passing.

"Is he going to be ok?" I choked out lamely.

"That's impossible for us to tell you right now, sir," one of them responded without looking up. "He's lost a lot of blood. The number of wounds is indeterminate, although it appears there is just one. It is also indeterminate whether or not that wound has hit a major organ. ...Although by the blood loss...attach the pressure cuff..." he trailed off.

The second paramedic popped up to a standing position. He snatched a walkie-radio off the wall and began talking into it a mile a minute, using words that rang a vaguely familiar bell from the time I spent at the hospital with my father.

In what seemed like seconds but was in actuality more like twenty minutes, we pulled up to Beth-Israel Medical Center and I was kicked out of the ambulance as Edward was removed on a stretcher and rushed into the ER.

I hadn't even managed to see his face. I prayed that he knew I was there.

I did my best to keep up with the fast-moving procession of doctors and nurses that followed the paramedics through the lobby. Information was relayed to the hospital staff who noted it quickly and efficiently.

_Stab wound to the abdomen. Victim presents altered mental status, hypoxia, unequal pupils, signs of shock, major bleeding. Foreign object was not found lodged in abdomen but may have penetrated the omentum, possibly the stomach, large intestine, or pancreas._

Double doors swung closed in my face and I watched through the small window as Edward was wheeled down the hall and out of sight.

My head spun in a fog. _What the fuck just happened?_

I didn't know much, but I knew one thing with absolute certainty.

This was _really fucking bad_.

With my mind rotating around the rings of Saturn, I answered a million questions from the triage nurse. I may as well have been talking to President Obama. That's how out of it I was. Luckily I could remember my name, my relationship to the patient, I told them everything I knew about Edward and Jacob Black and the incident, which wasn't much. I assumed that Jake showed up at Bella's apartment and when Edward fought to protect her, he was stabbed in the process. It didn't take a genius to come to that conclusion. I told them the police were out looking for the suspect and that was all I knew.

_Oh and yes, he has family in the area. A twin sister. Rosalie Cullen._

_Fuck._

_Rosalie._

How the hell was I going to make_ that _phone call?

I sat in the waiting room, head in hands, the scenarios racing through my skull like grenades fastened to parachutes. Taking a deep breath the internal discussion with myself began.

There was no way to shield Rosalie from the news. She needed to know what had happened. Every passing second made it more unfair for her to live those seconds without the knowledge of her brother's condition. I needed to make the call before she showed up to the club and found me gone. I had to tell her that her twin brother might not make it through the night.

Then there was Bella.

I checked my phone.

Five missed calls. All from her cell and one from the club. There was no protecting her from the truth. She fucking saw it happen. Saw the blade disappear into Edward's gullet. And now it was time to add to the story.

It was clear what my first call would be. It would be to Bella. To tell her that the love of her life hung on by a thread.

The bile rose in and burned in my throat.

_Before I do anything, I think I'll go in the bathroom and throw up first.  
_

_

* * *

_The sliding doors swooshed open and my head turned for the seventy-seventh time that night. I closed my eyes and played roulette in my head. Where would the little ball land? Gun shot wound. Blunt force trauma to the head. Heart failure. Choking victim. Food poisoning.

The ER was quite the freak-show at night.

But this time there was no rapid-fire diagnosis as the body was passed from the emergency medical technicians to the doctors and nurses on duty.

It was worse than that.

It was Rosalie on the arms of Jasper and Alice.

"Where is he!!??" she shrieked. "Where is my brother?!! Edward??!! _Edward??!!_" Her hair was wild, her eyes red and bloodshot, her face paler than usual.

I stood and walked swiftly through the rows of chairs until I reached them. I knew they'd have questions that I didn't have the answers to. No one had been out to see me since Edward was taken away.

"Oh Emmett, thank god," Alice sighed, her voice low. "She's been hysterical since you called. It was smart of you to call us first so we could be there to collect the pieces."

I nodded numbly and gathered Rosalie in my arms. She clung to me like a wet napkin.

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked, her eyes scanning the surroundings like she'd been here before.

"Donovan dropped her off. She's in an exam room. I think they're going to admit her. Her injuries are worse than they looked. They're doing that thing where they take an x-ray of your head."

"That fucking bastard Jacob Black," she spat. "This is all his fault." Jasper kissed her temple and gave me a pound.

"Hey man. You did a real good job tonight. I wish I could have been here with you from the start. Hell of a thing to have to handle on your own."

"Thanks, Jazz," I smiled weakly, hoisting Rosalie in my arms and tying my hands around her waist. She had grown quiet out of exhaustion but I didn't know how long that would last. "I don't know how well I handled it though. I was running on pure adrenaline, but after they took him and I was here by myself, I kind of freaked the fuck out."

Rose whimpered into my neck at the mention of her brother and I held her tight. "It's ok, baby," I whispered, hoping to god she didn't notice the splashes of blood on the hem of my polo.

"They're taking good care of him. The best doctors in New York work here."

I had no fucking idea if that was true.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

**Sorry to continue the suspense, but if I put it all in one chapter, it'll be a damn long chapter and a damn long time before an update. haha. don't be mad. **


	47. Restless brown eyes

**Thank you for all the awesome reviews and HI to new followers! *waves***

**Time for more hospitalness. *deep breath* **

**Oh and sorry about the headf*ck with the tenses. I keep skipping around. I can't help it.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

hey what did they say,  
to get you so lonesome today?

hey restless brown eyes,  
don't you sound.

and there comes a time  
when you, when you aughta know  
oh there comes a time  
so quit, so quit all that runnin'

- from _Stay Free_ by Black Mountain

**BPOV**

"_Edward?" I said quietly._

"_Yes?" came his silky voice from above my damp, exhausted body._

"_What do you want to be?"_

_"When I grow up?" he laughed and his laugh filled my world with bright colors. He was silent for a moment while he thought. My head, resting comfortably on his muscled chest, rose and fell with each breath he took. I nuzzled into his fuzzy chest hairs and traced my name across his taut belly, humming the melody of the song he just sang for me. The one he wrote with me in mind._

"_I don't know exactly," he finally responded. "I guess...I just..." he sighed contemplatively and I knew his hand was in his hair._

"_I want to be someone who leaves something behind; something that I will be remembered by; something that lasts; something that will live on after I die." _

_I didn't ask what that something was because I assumed that he meant his words and his voice and his music. All things that would inspire and motivate and bring tears and joy and hope for years and ages and forever. _

_But before I could speak, I felt the sensation of heat and light pressure against my skin, and I looked down to find Edward's hand pressing against my belly._

_

* * *

_

_Bella. Bella. Wake up. Are you awake. Can you hear me.  
_

The voice from the tunnel is getting louder and clearer. Someone has removed the weights from my eyes and I'm able to open them. Slowly at first. The light is intense and I'm scared of what I'll find on the outside of my lids.

But when I open them and they adjust, what I see is pretty and friendly and I recognize that smile and those gentle features immediately.

"_Jasper_."

I said it out loud, didn't I? I can't be sure. I've been screaming for days but all that could have happened in my head.

I did say it out loud though, because the pretty boy whose name I got right is smiling back at me. _God he's pretty. I should introduce him to my friend Alice. She loves blonds..._ There's a dimple in his cheek and I see my hand reach out for it. But when I see it I get scared, pulling it back with a start. That hand can't be mine. It's black and blue and there are wires coming out of it, wrinkling my flesh under sticky tape. The pretty boy called Jasper must see the look on my face that mirrors the fear in the pit of my stomach because he scoots closer to me and starts talking. I wish he would talk slower so I could understand him. His fast talking is making my head hurt.

"Bella...accident...hospital...Wednesday...club...Edward..."

_Edward._

_...something that will live on after I die..._

The pretty boy that answers to the name of Jasper is still talking but I can only see his mouth moving now. There is no sound after Edward's name. Because there is nothing else that matters but him. Suddenly the clouds pass and I feel less clogged. I can breathe deeper. I take a few breaths and watch Jasper watching my chest. I look down and see that there are wires coming out of my gown hooked to patches placed strategically on my bare skin and on the sides of my breasts.

"Jasper," I repeat. I know I said it out loud this time because I can finally hear my voice in my ears. "Don't worry," I say. I feel my face form a smile and that smile makes him smile and his smile makes me smile bigger and it also makes me want to cry.

"Don't cry, Bella," he says sweetly and that makes me cry harder. I just want to cry forever. It's the only thing that makes sense. I don't want to be in this strange place anymore.

"Jasper?" My voice sounds funny. Low and squeaky and not my own. I repeat his name louder this time but it comes out the same. "Where is he? Where is my Edward? Please take me to him." I ask more questions but they don't make sense when mixed with the crying.

"I can't do that, honey," he says and he puts his hand over mine, the one with all the wires coming out of it. "He's still in ICU. It's for immediate family only."

I don't understand the letters ICU and why they're keeping me from Edward.

"I am his family!" I screech in a foreign voice. It unnerves me. It doesn't sound like me. I shut up quickly and whimper deep in my throat.

"_Rosalie_," Jasper says and that name sounds familiar. It calms me. "Rosalie is with him. And his parents flew in from Forks. They'll be here in an hour."

Forks. The name of that place sounds familiar. It's far from here. It's across the country. My brain hurts as it tries to process geography and distance. If they came from across the country to be with Edward...

"That means he's going to die!" I shriek, and I recognize_ that _voice. It's mine - high pitched and panicked.

"Doesn't it?" I continue screeching. "_Tell me, Jasper! If you know anything you'll tell me right now!_"

Jasper's flinching in surprise at my unexpected outburst. His long, fluttery eyelashes blink rapidly and he looks apprehensively at the monitors I'm hooked up to. The lines are moving quicker now and up and down. I wonder what that means.

"I'm not telling you anything, Bella. And if you don't calm down I'll have to get the nurse. You've had a pretty serious head injury and getting worked up like this is not going to help."

I lay back against the pillows and regulate my breathing in time with the response from the monitors. Jasper seems to relax so I take the opportunity to ask again.

"Please take me to him, Jasper. I'll hit the call button if you don't. Then they'll make you leave and I'll find a way to get to him on my own."

Jasper sighs and I notice that his hands are dainty and thin. He places them on his thighs, stands, and leaves the room. I count backwards from ten but he's back before I reach five. I have no concept of time, however, so five seconds could be half an hour in my distorted reality.

He returns with a nurse and a wheelchair. The nurse checks the various machines and their read-outs against her chart. She scribbles a few things down and gives Jasper the go-ahead nod. I'm moved from the bed to the chair. My wires and tubes are rearranged and re-threaded and before I know it I'm being pushed out the door.

_"...down the hall...turn left...last door on the right..."_

Jasper pushes me down the stark, empty white hallway towards Edward. I hang on to the railings of my wheelchair as we turn the corner. This new hallway is made of windows on one side and lined with chairs on the other. Out of the twenty or so chairs, there's only one person sitting down and staring vacantly at the opposite windowed-wall. I recognize him immediately.

It's Emmett.

He turns his head at the sound of us approaching and frowns when he sees who it is.

"What do you think you're doing bringing her here, Jazz?" he says between gritted teeth. He stands and meets us halfway down the hall.

"She wanted to come. I got permission from the nurse. He's in _Intensive Care_, Em. They don't know if he's -" Jasper lowers his voice so I can't hear the rest. Emmett calms but still doesn't appear happy with the situation.

"I don't see how it's ok for her to see this," he mumbles leading the way. We stop in front of a white door and I look through the window into the dimness of the room on the other side. It looks alot like the room I came from. The bed and the machines are in the same places, except there are more machines in this room, more wires, more bags, more beeping. There's one light on - other than the ones that come from the machines - and it's attached to the wall over the bed. And it's shining down on Edward.

Jasper is squatting in front of me with his hands on my knees. "Bella, what is it? Are you alright? You were making an awful sound just now."

"Maybe because she sees Edward in there with tubes up his nose hooked up to wires like he's in the fucking electric chair. How would you sound if that was Alice?"

"I'd sound alot worse if I wasn't able to see her."

That shut Emmett up and I knew he was thinking about Rosalie.

"Take me in," I say. Emmett pushes open the door and holds it while Jasper wheels me in.

"Closer," I say and I hear Jasper sigh. It's too dark in here and I can't see. Edward is a lump under a white sheet being held together by wires and beeps. I need to be closer, to touch him, to feel that he's real.

"Remember, Bella," Jasper says, stopping the wheelchair at the bedside. "Edward just came out of recovery a few hours ago. He was in surgery for fours hours before that and he's going to be asleep for a long time. But that's a good thing. He needs to get better. So don't be upset if he doesn't open his eyes, or talk to you, or move."

"I understand, Jazz." I reach my hand out, the one with the wires and tape attached, and place it on top of Edward's hand with the matching tape and wires.

He's warm.

"...He's alive," I squeak and the tears are back and my chest is convulsing with sobs.

"He's alive, Bella," Jasper repeats. But he doesn't tell me he's going to be ok.

"Do you want me to leave you alone with him?"

I nod, still silently sobbing.

"Ok. I'll be right outside waiting. I'll come back in and get you in a few minutes."

I nod again and wait until I hear the _shuuush_ of the door to talk to Edward. His chest is rising and falling but I can't get close enough to rest my head against it like I do whenever he's laying down like this. I close my eyes and pretend I am. I remember what it feels like to have my head on his chest and his hand in my hair and his voice in my ear.

"E-Edward," my voice shakes and I swallow. There are no marks on his face. If it weren't for the tubes up his nose, if I didn't know what had happened to him or why we were here, I could believe that we were home in our bed. His face is _that_ perfect. Racks on wheels holding bags of clear liquid block me from getting as close to him as I want to be, but I push myself into the mattress until I can't go any further and I lean in.

"Edward. You probably can't hear me, but that's ok. I hope you're having good dreams. I hope you're dreaming about playing music onstage in front of a crowd of people who can't take their eyes off you. And your voice is filling the room and you can hear a pin drop. They're mesmerized. And I'm there. I'm there too. In the front row, Edward. I'm watching you and you're singing to me. You're amazing and I'm so proud of you. And when you come off stage you come right into my arms. I'm waiting for you there. ...I'll always wait for you, Edward. And I'll be here when you wake up. I won't leave you. I promise. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so sorry I ran. I shouldn't have run. I should have stayed with you. I'll never leave you again, Edward. I promise I won't. Please don't leave me. Please...Please...Edward..."

"Bella." I'm being pulled away from the bed, away from Edward, and I cling to the sheet that's covering his body.

"No," I growl low. "Jasper, no."

"We have to go now, Bella."

"No! I promised!"

"Bella, don't yell." He's wheeling me faster. "Or you won't be able to come back."

I quiet down and put my hands in my lap.

"The nurses have to check on him, Bells," Emmett says. "And you need to get some rest."

"I don't want to rest anymore," I grumble.

But I did rest. I didn't have a choice. My body was broken and my spirit was crushed. I didn't have the energy to fight them off; all the nurses and doctors with their dripping syringes and multi-colored pills, and my friends with their kind words and no answers. I don't know how they managed to deflect the endless questions I hurled at them about Edward and his condition.

Has he been in to see me, does he know I'm alive, does he know how I am, does he care?

More importantly - Does he know how much I love him? And how much I think of him every day?

I never asked about myself. I didn't care how I was. I didn't ask how much time had passed; it could have been days weeks months.

Eventually they moved my room. One day I woke up and I was somewhere else. Light was streaming through the window next to my hospital bed. Only it wasn't the same hospital bed I had been in. It was more like a real bed. There were no bars, there were no beeping machines. I wasn't hooked up to anything. There were no wires coming out of my hands.

_You're in the rehab center_, I was told by a new nurse in a new uniform. Patterned this time with little puppies and ducklings - instead of plain light blue. She didn't check my heartbeat every five minutes and she didn't poke me with needles. My room looked like a room, with a television and dresser. Alice brought me flowers. Rosalie brought me a stuffed bear. Emmett and Jasper signed their names to the cards. Edward never visited.

The nurses there talked to me. They wheeled me to therapy sessions and explained my injuries and why I was in ICU for so long.

_Subdural hematoma. _

_Huh?_

_Blood on the brain._

It was a small hematoma and needed only to be watched until my body healed itself. Amazing.

Then there were the bones. Fractured tibia. Broken wrist. Broken ankle. All on the same side of my body and all from my fall head first to the pavement...while running away from Jake.

_Jake._

It was the first time I'd thought about him since I woke up in the hospital. My thoughts were only ever of Edward. Now not only did I not know what happened to Edward, I had no idea what happened to Jake.

**EPOV**

_Eddie. _

_Edward. _

_Edward Anthony._

Slowly, like light at the end of a long tunnel, Rosalie's soft melodic voice came into focus. It dipped and turned in my ears. The wetness of her tears splashed against the skin on my face and neck.

"They got him, big brother," she repeated over and over. "They found him. They got Jacob Black."

I wanted to wake up, to open my eyes and tell her how happy I was to hear that, but I couldn't will my body to move. My brain sent signals to my limbs to no avail. It was not in control. The only thing I could manage to do on my own was swallow.

Did she see that?

"You've been with him for hours, babe," came Emmett's voice to my left. "Why don't you let me take you-"

"I'm not going _anywhere_," she snapped. Her tone was final.

"Ok," he sighed in defeat. "I'll go see if Bella's awake."

_Bella. _A shiver swept through me and Rosalie gasped.

"_Emmett. _Did you see that? Edward's face just twitched. ...I think he can hear us."

She slipped her hand softly inside mine and squeezed.

"Edward if you can hear me, squeeze my hand. ...Do try. Please Edward. Do it for me. Do it for Bella."

_Bella._

"_Yes!_" she squealed.

"You felt something?" Emmett's footsteps grew closer to the bed.

"I think so. It was very slight."

"It could have been a muscle spasm, Ro. The nurse said that might happen. Something about synapses or some shit."

Rosalie sighed and I felt her shift on the bed. "Edward," she repeated, closer this time. "Edward, squeeze my hand." Her warm breath wafted across my face. "Squeeze with all of your might. I know you can hear me. Please."

"...Well?" Emmett asked anxiously.

"Nothing. Maybe you were right."

"...I wish I wasn't."

Then there was silence and the hum of machines. I wanted so badly to speak. I tried to open my mouth. I thought about it, I could see it happening, my lips would pull apart, my jaw would lower, and words would come out. I screamed in my head. I heard it but there was no reaction. My mouth wasn't opened.

"Did they say if Bella slept through the night?" Rose sighed somberly, her hand still in mine.

_Bella._

"Shit he did it again!" she squealed. "Every time we say Bella. ...Is that what you want to hear, Eddie? You want to hear about _Bella_? Squeeze my hand. ...Yes! He did it! Oh my god."

I felt a drop of wetness on my wrist.

"Well stop crying and tell him about her, like he asked!" Emmett laughed.

"She's fine, Eddie. Bella's _fine_. She's being released tomorrow. She hit her head but they watched it and it's fine. She broke a few bones and has surface injuries from her fall. She'll be on crutches for awhile, but other than that...she's going to be ok, Eddie. She loves you so much."

"Is he awake?"

_My father's voice?_

"Dad!" my sister exclaimed. "He can hear us! Edward can hear us!"

"Oh thank god," came my mother's voice from the hall.

_Deep puncture wound. Avoided the liver and colon. Major blood loss. Shock. Transfusion. Surgery._

Words like these swum around my head for days with nothing but my imagination to provide details. Did this mean I was going to die? If Bella was dead, then I wouldn't have cared. But I knew she was alive, which meant I needed to live. So I fought. I took the medicine, the intravenous nutrition, I laid still, and I listened. I still didn't have the strength to talk or open my eyes but my brain worked. It slept and it woke and - I wasn't a doctor - but I believed it was healing. I was so fucking sick of being helpless. I was trapped in my own personal interpretation of 'Johnny Got His Gun'. Was I maimed? Would I be helpless forever? Dear god, what did I look like under these bandages? Would I ever be able to kiss Bella again? To tell her how much I love her? To see her beautiful face smiling back at me? These simple things were all that I wished for.

* * *

There were murmuring voices coming from outside my door. Irritating voices like the buzzing of gnats. They'd been talking for hours. Or minutes. I still wasn't sure, but I wanted them to stop. The nurse had just left and I couldn't have called her back if I tried.

The door shushed open again. Another nurse checking another monitor and the voices grew louder. I heard her footsteps leave but the door remained ajar.

"Don't worry, Carlisle. I'm sure this incident has brought him to his senses."

My stomach revolted in my abdomen and I groaned in pain. I had improved to the point where I could lift my head slightly off the pillow and my sight had returned, watery and blurry but it was there. The door had begun to slide shut and the remaining words were crushed. From my bed I could hear, but I couldn't see the people speaking. I strained my neck to raise my head and out of the corner of my eye I caught the unmistakable sliver of Bella's profile, her wrinkled brow, her pursed lips, her trembling chin.

_Nothing but trouble from the beginning._

_Not suitable for the Cullen name._

_Finally we can begin again._

_No. _My voice was too raspy to be heard over the hum and beeps of the various machines that surround my bedside.

But Bella could hear them. They didn't see her and what was worse, she was _watching_ them _talk_ about her. I could tell even in my altered state of pain, medication, and confusion.

I kicked my legs but no one was watching me. They couldn't hear my muffled cries. My throat was dry and blocked and there were patches on my chest that pulled on my skin when I moved. They made me wince but the pain was dull compared to the breaking of my heart. Everything was dull and numb. Everything except my desire and need for Bella Swan.

Footsteps. More muttering. The door shushed open and the voices grew loud again.

"Oh. Bella. We didn't see you there. ...He's not taking visitors right now that aren't family. We're here. We're all he needs. You can go."

_That voice._

_ NO! _

_Bella!_

The voice came closer, heels clacking against the vinyl floor followed by the familiar smell that assaulted my senses. Expensive french vanilla perfume. More agony as my stomach rolled in violated response.

"Edward, darling. How are you feeling?" A manicured hand rested on my arm on top of the tubes and tape. I followed it, already knowing where it would land. The exact opposite of the face I wanted and longed to see.

_Victoria._

I struggled against the armbar of the bed, banging into it with my shoulder. My cries were kitten-like and pitiful. My eyes were watery and dripping. I couldn't see Bella anymore.

She was gone.

* * *

**Review and tell me what you're thinking.**

**Not exactly sure why I chose the Black Mountain song this time, it's just awesome. So that's a good enough reason haha.  
**


	48. There are powerlines in our bloodlines

I am a writer, writer of fictions

I am the heart that you call home

And I've written pages, upon pages

Trying to rid you from my bones**  
**

**from _Engine Driver_ by The Decemberists**

**EPOV**

_I struggled against the armbar of the bed, banging into it with my shoulder. My cries were kitten-like and pitiful. My eyes were watery and dripping. I couldn't see Bella anymore._

_She was gone._

**_** later that same day **_  
**

"Edward."

I moved my head to the side and smiled. "Hey mom."

She put the back of her hand to my forehead. "You sound better today."

"I feel better today," I croaked, swallowing down the pasty film that coated my throat.

"Hi son." My father stepped tentatively towards the bed.

"Hey dad." He was wearing a cream colored suit rumpled and creased like he'd been sleeping in it for days. I don't doubt that was the case. He had three days worth of growth to his beard and lines under his eyes from lack of sleep.

"Where's Bella?" I asked. "Can you take me to her?"

"You aren't to leave the room. Not yet. Doctor's orders."

"Then will you give her a message for me? Will you tell her that I'm alright and that I love her? Please?"

"Carlisle," my mother ordered, turning on the bed to face him. "Be a dear and deliver Edward's message to Bella."

He stood frozen to the spot and then nodded. "Certainly."

My mother smirked at him and he turned on his heel, leaving us alone.

"You should probably know…" she said, palming my hand, the one with the wires taped to the top. "…Victoria is here."

I laid my head back on the stack of pillows and sighed at the ceiling. "I know. I heard her talking shit to dad earlier. About Bella. ...Bella heard the whole thing."

My mother's mouth fell open. "That's awful. The poor lamb."

"Yeah. That's why I want her to get that message. I need to see her so I can explain."

"Your father has been calling Chief Swan and Bella's mother daily, keeping them in the loop on Bella's condition. They send their love to you and from what I hear, Bella is improving steadily. I try to stop in and say hello to her as often as I can but she's usually sleeping or being tended to, which is a good sign." Her chin started to tremble and her grip on my hand strengthened.

"Oh Edward, we were so worried about you. _Sick with worry_. There were moments when...when the doctors thought…oh I can't think about it now. I don't know what I would have done if I lost my little boy. My angel. …Things will be better from now on."

"How will they?"

"_I'll_ be better. Your father and I are going to seek counseling when we get back to Forks. I love him, Edward, and I took a vow to stand by his side for better or worse. Where I come from that still means something. And he has as much to forgive me for as I do him, believe it or not. It takes two people to let a marriage fall apart and two people to rebuild it. We're in it for the long haul. This incident has only helped to confirm what we already knew. We don't want to lose our family."

"Family, huh? Then why is Victoria here and not Bella? She's my family now."

"Because her father told her what happened and she strong-armed her way in. I was too distraught to fight her off. I didn't care who was here and who wasn't. All I could see was you. You're all that matters to me."

My father returned with his hands in his pockets.

"Dad? Did you give my message to Bella? What did she say?"

"She wasn't there. She was released this morning."

"_What?_ Oh perfect! So the last thing she heard before she left was you and Victoria sniping behind her back about how she wasn't good enough to be a Cullen? Unbe_liev_able!"

"Carlisle, how _could_ you?" my mom lashed out in disgust.

"I didn't say the words that Bella heard," my dad said, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. "Victoria did. But I won't lie and say that I don't partially agree with her. Our son is in a _hospital bed_ with a _stab wound_ to the abdomen – a life threatening injury, _Esme_, as I'm sure you're aware. Excuse me if I blame his involvement with Isabella Swan for his altercation with this Jacob Black character."

My mother put her hand up. "Enough. You are to contact Bella and get her back here immediately so we can straighten this mess out."

"Esme-"

"No Carlisle. We – and by _we_ I mean _YOU_ – are done interfering in our son's life." And with that she turned away from him and back to face me, signifying the end of the discussion.

"Thanks mom," I said after my dad left in a pout.

"Nothing to it, sweetie. I've made a lot of mistakes and have my share of regrets over the way I've handled things concerning you and your sister over the years. A lot of regrets-"

"Stoppit, mom, it's ok, it's in the past."

"Thank you for that, Edward. You are a treasure to me and I appreciate you letting me off the hook, but I can't be so easy on myself. I hope it's not too late to be the kind of mother you deserve."

" 'Course not, ma. Just keep smacking dad around for me," I chuckled. She ruffled my hair and kissed my sweaty cheek.

"_Eddieeeeee!"_ A shrill shriek sang through the air and a rush of blonde raced into the room and launched itself onto my bed.

"_RoRo!"_ I exclaimed as loudly as I could, which wasn't very loud.

"Rosalie, I thought we agreed that Emmett was going to take you home so you could get some rest," my mother scolded, winking at me out of the corner of her eye. "She's been beside herself ever since she arrived. Emmett's the only one who's been able to get her to eat-"

"Gross cafeteria food," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"She finally passed out in his arms this morning," my mother continued.

"I'm not tired now," Rose persisted. "Edward's awake!" She clapped her hands together and kissed me on the top of my head.

"Your hair still smells good," she noticed. "Emmett's waiting outside. Can I tell him to come in?"

I nodded yes.

Emmett appeared even bigger than I remembered. He towered over my bed and the first thing I noticed were the purple bags under his swollen eyes.

"Hey man," he gave me a makeshift pound on my good hand.

"Hey Em. Thanks for holding my sister together," I smiled weakly. "She can be handful sometimes."

"Hey I am not!"

"Especially when it comes to _you_, bro," Emmett chuckled. He looked so wiped. He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. "This is crazy, this hospital shit. And I deal with crazy shit every night. But _this_, this is _crazy_."

We talked for awhile and I filled him in on what happened with Bella – how she overheard Victoria's hate-filled comments and how my dad had gone to bring her back. Finally he managed to pry Rosalie away from my bedside and take her and my mother out to an actual restaurant for an actual meal.

I took the pill the nurse put on my tongue and laid back to wait for my Bella.

**BPOV**

"You're seriously going to let that phony bitch intimidate you?" Alice hisses, her leg pumping back and forth in irritation. She's sitting on one end of my couch with her arms crossed at her chest. She's fuming at what I just told her about Victoria. I'm at the other end with my cast-covered leg propped up on a menagerie of pillows.

"That's_ your man_! Fuck that, I'll hold her down and stuff my elbow in her mouth if she tries to get in your way. We're going back there _right now_. I never would have signed your release forms if I knew about this an hour ago. Come on. Let's go. ...Honey, get a cab, we're bringing Bella back to the hospital." She grabs her bag and hops off the couch. She's 100% serious and I want to hug the shit out of her.

"Why don't you ask Rose to get you in to see him?" Jasper asks calmly.

"I can't do that, Jazz. She's been a wreck ever since this whole thing happened. I can't put added stress on her right now."

"Bella, Edward is your _boyfriend_. You have every right to see him. If Rose knew what Victoria said to you, she'd flip out. We're going back."

"Maybe if my _friends_ weren't so overprotective of me the whole time I was in there and actually told me what was going on-" I huff. It's irrelevant right now but I'm still bitter about it.

"We didn't want to upset you, sweetie." Alice sits back down and takes my hands in her lap. "If you knew the truth, if you knew how bad Edward was, how close he came to not making it, all those frightening, gory details...how would that have helped you? What could you have done about it from your hospital bed? Nothing besides freak the fuck out and worry yourself sick. You were in pretty bad shape too, y'know. We were there with you every day and one of us stayed by your side or in the waiting room every night, hoping to God Edward pulled through. But half the time we didn't know what the hell was going on. We were getting mixed information from the staff on your condition, and when it came to Edward...Esme was crying all the time, Rosalie was a mess and would only talk to Emmett, and Dr. Cullen was always off somewhere with the doctors. It was madness. We didn't want to burden you with that shit."

"Jasper snuck me in to see him one night," I grin, batting my eyelashes up at my Jazzy.

"Yeah and Emmett almost ripped my nuts off," Jasper blanches. "You were shaking so bad I thought you were having a seizure. It scared me."

"I'm so sorry you guys. I don't know what else to say. This is such a disaster. My head is spinning. I deserve to be where Edward is right now. Not the other way around."

"Bunny, stoppit. None of this is your fault. The police caught Jacob Black and he'll pay for what he did to Edward. And as far as how you acted in the hospital, I would have acted the exact same way if someone tried to keep me from seeing Jasper. We should have handled it differently. Looking back on it now we should have taken you to see Edward from the start, even if you didn't like what you saw. We should have told you what we knew when you asked instead of shielding you. But you have to know that we meant well."

"Edward's parents visited you every day," Jasper adds. "You were out of it half the time, but they were there."

"Then Victoria and her father showed up and everything changed. Ugh she's so gross," Alice spits. "She started acting like she ran the whole show, ordering the nurses around, demanding they bring Edward more pillows and hovering over him constantly. She had the whole floor on lockdown. Everyone had to be quiet and sign in if they wanted to see him. It was ridiculous. When they moved him out of ICU she demanded a private room and we were turned away every time we went to visit him. He was always 'sleeping' or 'not taking visitors'. She was like the fucking gatekeeper. I wanted to kick her face in."

Alice's bitching is cut short by a sharp knock on the door. Our heads spin and our eyes meet in the middle of the room.

"Who's that?" Alice whispers.

"How in the hell should I know? I've been back for exactly ten minutes. No one knows I've been released except you guys-"

"It couldn't be Edward. The police have Jacob in custody. Maybe it's your nosey neighbor."

Another sharp knock and I jump in my skin. "Ok. I'm getting it. Stand back. ...I'm getting it." I grab my crutches propped against the arm of the couch and hoist myself up. _I'm getting good at this already._

"Let Jasper get it," Alice offers. How's he supposed to get it with her clinging to his arm? I roll my eyes and crutch my way to the door. "I'm not crippled. It's my apartment. I can answer the door."

There's no peep-hole to look through. _Mental note to speak to the super about that_. I take a deep breath and turn the knob.

"Hello, Isabella."

"..."

"Isabella?"

"Doctor Cullen," I say breathlessly as if staring at an apparition.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"N-no. Of course not. Please. Come in."

"Mr. Whitlock. Miss Brandon," he addresses them politely. "I hope you don't mind if I borrow Miss Swan for awhile."

"How long is awhile?" Jasper asks.

Dr. Cullen surveys the surroundings of my apartment. Not impressed with my decor, I'm sure. His eyes stop on Edward's leather jacket draped over the kitchen chair and I swear his breath hitches in his chest. "Well," he sighs contemplatively. "I suppose that will depend on how long she chooses to stay with Edward."

"_Edward!_" I blurt out. "You're taking me to see Edward!"

Dr. Cullen gives me a crooked Edward-y smile and nods.

"What about that nasty bitch Victoria?" Alice asks. "Don't you have her guard-dogging the place like a snarly chihuahua?"

"Edward has specifically asked for Bella," Dr. Cullen answers Alice's curt remark politely. "...Miss Swan?" He extends his bended arm in my direction. "Will you please come with me?"

He leads the way to the rented Audi TT with its hazards on parked in front of my building. He opens the passenger door and helps me inside with ease and grace. Taking my crutches he pops the trunk and stows them inside. He then walks around to the drivers side and lets himself in. We begin the ride to the hospital in silence; the low sounds of talk radio filtering out from the dash. Out of the corner of my eye it's impossible not to notice the remarkable way Edward resembles his father even when it comes to slight things like the way they handle a car. Everything about them is fluid - the way they shift and maneuver the vehicle - it's all very sensual if you tend to notice those things, which I do.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Cullen finally asks without turning his head.

"I, um, I'm ok, I guess."

"Are you in pain?"

"No." The confined front seat requires me to bend my leg uncomfortably and I wince. "Well...Yes. A little."

Dr. Cullen's brow furrows and a concerned frown creases his face. He steps on the gas and speeds up.

More silence and I try to concentrate on the weather report.

"How's Edward?" I ask.

"He'll tell you himself in a few minutes."

My stomach does a somersault at the knowledge that in a few minutes I will be with Edward.

"You might not believe this Isabella, but I care about my family very deeply."

Taken aback by Dr. Cullen's sudden remark, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Why wouldn't I believe you?"

"Because I know what Edward thinks of me. He's quite vocal and doesn't hold back his opinions. We're very much alike in that way. In many ways," he sighs sadly. "I'm a stubborn man. When I want something, I want it my way. I know what's best without discussion, especially when it comes to my family. I don't take lightly to receiving no for an answer. Even a heart attack couldn't get me to see the error of my ways." He turns a corner and stops at the light. "You don't stop learning as you grow older. In fact you learn more than you ever did as a child. The difference is - you're learning how to correct the mistakes you made when you were young. ...Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I think so. You want what's best for your family. That's what all parents want."

"Except...the reason_ I_ wanted what was best for my family was because it was ultimately what was best for _me_. It solidified my social standing among my contemporaries. You see, I've had my life planned out the way I thought it should be since I was fifteen years old. I would become a successful doctor just like my father, get married and have children who would also become successful and get married and have children, securing the lifeline of the Cullen name. All within the confines of my approval of course."

"You're saying these things in the past tense."

"You're a sharp young lady." The corner of his mouth turns up in a grin. _So like Edward it's scary_. "I am indeed. ...After what happened to Edward-" He swallows his words thickly and downshifts. "I swore to all that was holy that I would take his place in that hospital bed, I would gladly replace his body with my own, I would give my life for his if it meant he would live. ...I was petrified of losing him. Therefore, one could deduce that I can't be entirely bad, can I?" he asks sincerely.

"I don't think you're bad, Dr. Cullen."

He grips the wheel with both hands. "I was very angry with you, Isabella. I blamed you for what happened to Edward."

"Believe me, sir, _I_ blame myself. I hate myself."

"At one time that would have made me feel better. But it doesn't anymore. You shouldn't have heard the things Victoria said. I don't want you to hate yourself. Nothing productive can come from those emotions, trust me. Edward loves you. If he were angry with you then maybe we'd be having a different conversation. On the contrary, his love for you has not diminished in the slightest. This further proves what I was saying about continuing to learn as you grow. I'm a doctor, I deal with patients and loss every day, I've led seminars, counseled families, but I never saw past my role as doctor. Until now. My son's first words when he woke were for you. It reignited the love I have for my wife; love that has long been tarnished by my conceit and all consuming need for self-gratification."

"It's never too late, sir."

"You should call your parents."

"Edward first. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but Edward has been there for me more in the past year then they have in my entire life."

Dr. Cullen mutters something under his breath, something meant for him alone, but I can partially make it out. It sounds like, _The teacher becomes the student._

* * *

We arrived at Beth Israel and Dr. Cullen was very attentive to me, asking for a wheelchair so I wouldn't have to crutch-hobble through the hospital to Edward's room. He pushed me through the lobby to the elevator and then navigated me through the hallways with ease.

"Thank you for doing this, Dr. Cullen," I said over my shoulder.

"It's my pleasure, Isabella."

"You can call me Bella."

"As you wish. ...Ah, here we are. Room 306." He parked me next to the row of chairs and put the break on. Out of nowhere he produced a pair of crutches and helped me to a standing position.

"You're very fortunate, _Bella_. I'll leave it at that."

"Pfft don't I know it, Dr. Cullen," I snorted.

"Please. You can call me Carlisle. Off you go," he pointed to the door. "Edward's waiting."

"Are you not coming in?"

"Certainly not. I'll find a way to make myself useful somewhere in this big old hospital." He winked at me and made his way down the hall, taking a left at the arrow pointing towards the neo-natal unit.

I crutched across the hall and pushed the door open with my shoulder. There he was. On the other side of the room. My chest seized and I forgot how to breathe. Even in a hospital bed, Edward took my breath away. The tubes were gone from his nose, the patches attached to his chest and arms and legs had been removed. His eyes were closed. His hair was in elegant bronzed disarray. His stubble was borderline beard and incredibly sexy. A sudden wave of fear swept over me at the thought that I might not have ever seen him again.

"Why the tears, baby?" came Edward's enchanting voice. His eyes were open, a sly grin spread across his gorgeous face.

My fingers went to my cheek. I hadn't realized I was crying. I threw the crutches down and hobbled the rest of the way. I couldn't get to him fast enough. A slice of pain shot up my leg and I groaned in pain.

"Hey hey take it easy. You're broken," Edward said reaching out in vain.

"Broken without you, nothing without you." I panted out sentence fragments as I climbed onto the mattress. Edward shifted his body over to make room. "Only you, always you," I pressed my lips to his face and kissed him over each eye, the tip of his nose, his dimpled chin, and then his lips, those lips, dear god, sweet, soft, tender lips and velvet tongue, and I palmed his cheeks and deepened the kiss, kissing him with every ounce of strength and pressure and with everything I had.

"I love you, I love you, I'll never stop," I mumbled into his mouth. "You're everything to me." Edward smiled and pulled back, breaking our kiss with a string of saliva and I whimpered.

"Only you, always you," he repeated. "I love you and the second I can walk, I'm going to walk out of here with you on my arm and never look back. Dammit I'm so pissed you had to hear that shit from Vic- from _her_. And my dad just won't-"

"Shush. I'm not upset by what she said. _I_ let you down. Twice. I left you on the pavement and then I let her chase me away."

"But you came back. You didn't leave me." He tucked strands of my hair behind my ears. _"You came back_. You're here right now. That's all that matters. All this bullshit that keeps happening to us, through it all you keep coming back. You have no fucking idea how much that means to me."

"My ex-boyfriend _stabbed_ you, Edward. I think that's a little different than your ex-girlfriend being a giant bitch to me."

He's laughing. Aww god I made him laugh. His laugh is so fucking beautiful. And he's still laughing even though it hurts him to do so.

"Wow we haven't heard laughter in here in ages," the nurse said sweetly from the doorway. She moved to the machines at the side of Edward's bed and recorded the cryptic readings. Then she lifted the sheet and for the first time I was confronted with Edward's bandages. He was wrapped tightly and completely around the middle, from sternum to hips, in thick gauze.

"Lookin' good, Mr. Cullen," she smiled. "I don't think these need to be changed tonight, the area is no longer seeping. You're healing nicely."

"I thought I requested limited visitation at Mr. Cullen's bedside, nurse," a vile voice shattered the mood.

"Carlisle brought me here," I started defensively

"You don't need to explain anything to her," Edward said. "Get out of here, Victoria."

"You don't know what you're saying, darling," she smirked condescendingly. "Have you had your meds today?"

Edward returned the condescension with a devilish grin. "Unfortunately for you, I have regained control of my senses and now possess the ability to decide who visits me and who does not. ...Nurse, please ask Miss Hamill to leave. Permanently."

"How can you _do this_?" Victoria hissed like a serpent. "I looked _after_ you. I made sure they were taking _care_ of you. I saw to it that you had everything you needed."

"And as usual, you were the wrong woman for the job. Now if you'll excuse me, I would like to spend some long overdue quality time with my _girlfriend_."

"Get the fuck out, bitch," I added. Come on, I deserved a cheap shot.

Edward laughed like a giddy schoolboy and wrapped me in his arms.

"That's my girl," he giggled in my ear. Then his expression grew suddenly serious, as though he were about to say something desperately profound. He slid his long, sculptured fingers through my smaller, nubbier ones. He brought them to eye level and examined each one carefully.

"Edward?" I asked in a whisper. "Baby? What are you thinking about?"

He was still turning and fanning my fingers in front of his eyes as if he were looking through a kaleidoscope. He smiled that stunning smile and shook his head in amazement.

"Oh, beautiful, I was just thinking about you and me now and forever. Nothing else matters. And when we get home I'll prove it to you."


	49. Home is wherever I'm with you

**No big surprises or reveals in this chapter. Just letting the kids have a little fun ;p**

**Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight. Damn lucky girl.  
**

* * *

[Him:]

Holy, Moley, me, oh my,  
You're the apple of my eye,  
Girl I've never loved one like you.

[Her:]  
Man oh man you're my best friend,  
I scream it to the nothingness,  
There ain't nothing that I need.

[Him:]  
I'll follow you into the park,  
Through the jungle through the dark,  
Girl I never loved one like you.

[Both:]  
Ahh Home. Let me go home.  
Home is wherever I'm with you.  
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.  
Home is wherever I'm with you.

-_ from "Home", by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros_

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

Edward sat straddling me, a meaty leg pressed against either side of my hips. He squeezed them together and smirked at the resistance my body put up against the vice-like grip of his inner thighs. He laid his palms flush against the sensitive skin of my belly and let out a guttural, manly sound. He was sitting straight up; the length of his lean, muscled torso stretched out above me. His coppery hair, grown long now and hanging over his ears was tousled on top and matted on the sides from constant bed rest and contact with the pile of pillows I kept propped under his head.

"The doctors _said_ I could benefit from some exercise," he said in a husky voice and focused on watching his hands move across my bare flesh. I wriggled slightly under his touch; not enough to stop him but enough for him to tell the effect he was having on me.

I took one of his hands and brought those luscious fingers to my lips. "They _meant_ a walk around the block," I said, pushing the tip of each finger against the swell of my lips. "_With_ supervision," I added, continuing to lick the pads of his long, slender digits. "You naughty boy." The fingers of his other hand had found their way to the heat building between my legs. They nimbly spread apart my moist folds and played and fondled and I groaned when he moved his index finger followed by his middle, pushing them both inside me with ease. I sucked in my breath through my teeth.

"_Edwarrrrrd_."

His eyes darkened with lust and need and even the gauze pads taped to his lower abdomen didn't stop him from lowering his body to mine. " You have no idea how badly I've wanted to hear you call my name like that," he murmured against my open mouth. His fingers slipped out of me and I whimpered at the loss of contact.

"I want you, Bella. I'm ready."

I didn't want to doubt him. I didn't want to ask mood-spoiling questions, but his safety, his health, his recovery, was my top priority – _not_ my orgasm. I pushed up on my elbows and he leaned back. His stomach muscles clenched and I raised my eyebrows in concern.

He'd been in so much pain. My love, he'd been through so much, and he never once complained. He'd only been home for a little over a week and today was the first day without a visitor. His parents were leaving for the airport, Emmett had finally returned to work full-time, Alice and Jasper were in Greenwich for the weekend, and Rosalie had three job interviews lined up. We were finally alone in our home after more than a month.

I ran my hand down the center of his chest. It was sizzling hot.

"Are you in pain?" I couldn't help it. I had to ask. It was a reflex in me.

"Not at all," he growled, pushing my hand away and nipping at my chin.

"You're not just saying that so you can get laid are you?" I snickered but Edward was serious.

"Maybe." he shifted his weight on top of me and his heavy erection dug into my thigh. "But I'll be in even more pain if you stop this."

**EPOV**

I needed this. I needed to know that I could still please her, and I needed to make her come first since I wouldn't last long once I was inside her. She was hesitant at first but her wetness betrayed her. She was leaking desire down her legs and the look of wanton desperation in her smoldering brown eyes told me she needed me too.

"I don't want to stop," she moaned. "I've missed this. I've missed us...like this...so much." She was babbling Bella-speak that only I understood and my heart pounded in my chest.

The meds and the trauma hadn't stopped my hormones from raging at the mere thought of my Bella. Those dirty thoughts were the only thing that kept me going during those lonely nights in the hospital when I couldn't tell fantasy from reality. Since we returned home there wasn't much Bella could do for me. I know it killed her. I humored her now and again by asking for a glass of water or another pillow. The smile on her face as she nodded and darted into the other room to fetch these things made my heart soar. She wanted to help me, to take care of me, and I knew we'd always be together.

Last night I finally asked her for something I _really_ wanted. Something that would have had me whacking off every night in my hospital bed if I let my imagination run wild.

I asked her to take her clothes off and sleep next to me naked. She looked at me curiously for a moment but she complied without question. I was still too sore to sleep on my left side so I laid on my right and she spooned behind me, fitting behind me perfectly. She pressed her breasts between my shoulder blades and wrapped her arm lightly around my waist just above my bandages. She rested her head against my upper arm and pulled her body into the curve of mine. I arched my ass into her stomach and she molded her heat to my skin. If I hadn't just begun to feel the effects of the meds I took at night I might have flipped her over and taken her from behind.

But I wanted to see her. I wanted this day, this sleepy morning.

I found my way back to her hot wetness and hooked my middle finger deep inside causing her to arch off the mattress like a woman possessed. I worked her clit with my thumb and trailed kisses down her pale neck. She moaned and writhed and I steadied her by pushing down on her hip with the heel of my free hand.

"It's ok, baby. You can let go. You're not going to hurt me. Look at me." She turned her head from biting the pillow and her eyes were wide and glazed.

"_Edward_," she whimpered. She was close. She grinded her pubic bone into my hand.

"I love you, Bella. Come for me." Three more passes with my thumb and the low vibrations in her walls exploded into fireworks and she screamed out my name. She pulled my hair _hard _and bit down on her bottom lip _hard_. She was coming _hard _and I tried not to grin, but I did_. I still had it._

Once she had calmed down and her breathing resumed I watched the flush leave her face. God she was gorgeous. Stunning body, tight and small. Flawless skin, immaculate features. She hadn't put her piercings back in since the night of my father's reception at the Four Seasons. They never took away from her beauty so I didn't really notice, but I had to admit, I missed the lip ring and what the stud in her tongue did to the tip of my dick.

"Mmm...more," she sighed breathily, stretching out underneath me.

I didn't need anymore prompting than that invitation. I was hard as a rock. I shimmied between her trembling legs and pushed inside her with a hiss. She moaned and dug her heels into my back. She scraped her nails up and down the ridges of my spine. Dear god the feeling was indescribable. She enveloped me, surrounding me in a velvet warmth and I nearly shot my load right then.

"So wet. Bella, baby, sweet jesus," I murmured against the rapid pulse in her neck. She smiled and I found my rhythm and pumped into her again and again. The bed creaked and shook and the sweat poured off my body and mingled with Bella's scent. I felt the pull of orgasm deep in my groin and the low throb of pain coming from the area of my stomach held together by sutures. I brushed them both aside and concentrated on the lovelust look on my Bella's red face. Her mouth was open but nothing came out but broken words and sound fragments.

"_...Don't...stop...fuck...unnnn...Edward...harder...yes...nnnffff...more...more...god yes..."_

I flipped my hair out of my eyes. Sweat beads landed on the pillow. Something about that combined with Bella's animalistic groans sent me over the edge and I began to shake. She bucked her hips to meet each one of my thrusts and I spilled inside her just as she clamped her walls down on my shaft. We climaxed together for what felt like hours and I stayed inside her to ride out the residual pleasure tremors. Pulling out I rolled onto my good side and gathered her spent body in my arms. She was slick and damp and I splayed her mussed hair out on the pillow beside her.

"Thank you, baby. That was just what I needed."

"Oh yeah?" Bella giggled into my neck. "Me too."

"I mean it. I needed to feel like a man again and not just a patient broken and torn," I sighed wishing I had her way with words. "What I mean to say, Bella, what I want to say is...You make me feel like a real man."

Her breathing stilled and I knew what I said had a profound effect on her. After a few seconds of silence, she spoke.

"There are no limits to what you can do, Edward. And not just sexually, cuz _damn_, I think you have the market cornered in that department. You are such a talented person. You can do anything you set your mind to. You've already proven that. Shit, you excelled at that bullshit advertising job and you didn't even like it. You were accepted into a prestigious law school and got amazing grades while you were there. You've walked into venues, took the stage and sang and played your heart out like it was the only thing you'd ever done. ...Jesus Christ do you see why I'm in love with you?" Her eyes were brimming over with tears.

"...Hey," I held her close. "Where did that come from? Why are you crying?" She shook her head and buried her face in my chest.

"Bella?"

She let out a strangled cry and talked into my chest hairs.

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you. You're the most important thing in the world to me, Edward. I can't picture my life without you."

"You don't have to. Bella, baby, come on now. Stop crying. I'm here. I'm alright. I'm not going anywhere. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." She nodded again and kept rambling.

"You make me feel so fucking good. What we just did, godammit Edward, you own me, do you know that? I'm just, ugh I'm completely lost to you; body and soul. It scares me. Not because I don't think you feel the same way, because I know you do, but because of the power you have over me, if I ever lost that, I'd be like a plug pulled out of its socket."

"Hey, _beautiful_, did you hear what I said? I'm not going anywhere. I know you had a scare, believe me I was scared as shit too. I didn't know what happened to you. For a minute there I didn't know if you were dead or alive, if he'd...gotten you. You wanna talk about power and control? You seem to forget, it was _me_ stalking _you_ in the beginning remember? Finding ways to make myself relevant in your world, showing up at the club, making friends with your friends."

"They're_ your _friends now."

"They're my best friends. _You're_ my bestfuckingfriend, Bella. My...soul mate."

The urge to ask her the question right then and there swept over me. _Propose, you big pussy. Ask her to marry you. You want to spend the rest of your life with her, don't you? What are you waiting for?_

But something in me knew that there was a better way. Bella deserved a proposal filled with drama and raw emotion; filled with purity and the honesty that she always gave without question. I couldn't let a vulnerable moment overtake me and spoil it.

"So. How about that walk?" I asked with a crooked grin.

"Really?" her face lit up. "You think you're up to it?"

"Bella," I rolled my eyes and propped up on my elbow. "We just had _incredible_ sex." I placed her hand over my still thrumming heart. "Feel that? That's what you do to me. If I can handle being inside you, I can handle walking next to you." She blushed and cupped my chin in her hand.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. It'd be an honor to walk by your side."

"Dammit," I growled, rolling on top of her. "What are you trying to do to me when you say shit like that?" I took her earlobe in my mouth and sucked gently. "You drive me crazy."

**BPOV**

Under my instruction Edward swallowed a pain pill with a full glass of water. This would be his first time out of the house without a half-dozen people flittering around him like anxious hummingbirds. It would also be his first time out of the house NOT going to a doctor's appointment.

I helped him with his jeans, even though I didn't need to. He was fully capable of dressing himself although he couldn't pull a shirt over his head, he could button one up. I fretted and hovered waiting for the slightest hint that my help might be needed. I think Edward's patience with me might be infinite. I'd abandoned my crutches a week ago for a knee-high walking boot with thick velcro straps. My wrist cast had been taken off - it was a fracture not a break - and replaced with a soft brace. My head injury was a thing of the past. Short term memory was a challenge and would continue to be for the next year or so, but I knew my Edward and I knew my family and friends and that's all that mattered to me.

Edward slipped his arm though mine and walked slowly favoring his left side in a protective stance as we strolled hand-in-hand towards the park. It was a warm, sunny day in the East Village and the streets were alive with bustling activity. To the casual observer Edward and I looked like a normal, happy couple on their way to the corner store – not the recent victims of a violent and almost deadly attack. Sure we were walking slower than the average New Yorker and I had a clunky boot on, but we were smiling and laughing and in love. I got a crick in my neck from gazing up at Edward's immaculate face. He slid his dark Ray Bans down his nose and I gasped at his jeweled eyes glittering in the sunlight.

"Can I help you? Why are you staring at me?" he grinned. His grin - that cock-eyed turn of the side of his mouth - that's what had me at hello all those months ago on a sidewalk in New York City and it's still there, I hadn't lost it.

"You're hot," I shrugged.

Edward laughed a hearty laugh with his head thrown back. He kissed my temple and hurried me across the intersection.

"Officer Cullen!" A high-pitched voice rang out from across the street. I looked at Edward curiously and he gave me an equally puzzled look. Then his face softened like he was having a realization of its source and he smiled.

"I know that voice," he said softly, walking towards the stone benches at the edge of the park.

"Hello, Andrea. Long time no see." She was wearing the same Britney Spears tee shirt she wore the last and only time I'd ever met her. "How are you?"

"Starving," she frowned. "...Kidding. Angel gave me half her sandwich. I'm peachy. What the hell happened to you?" she asked curtly, eying his awkward posture.

"I was stabbed last month."

"...Gross."

"Yeah it was pretty gross," Edward chuckled.

"And you?" she finally addressed me. "What's your story? Fashion statement?" she pointed to my boot and Edward laughed out loud before I could answer.

"Damn I've missed you."

"Bullshit," she rolled her eyes. "You've had better things to do."

"Don't say that. I mean it. No one puts me in my place like you do. Not even Bella."

"Mmhm. Sure. ...Pussywhipped," she muttered, glaring at Bella.

"Andrea!" Edward scolded.

"Sorry, Chief, and Chiefette. ...You gonna play?" she asked motioning to the table where the pieces were already set up on the chess board.

"I hadn't planned on it, but..."

"Go ahead," I urged. "I'd like to see you play."

"Yeah you would, sweetheart," Andrea smirked. "It'll soak your panties straight through."

Edward cringed at the comment. I couldn't help but giggle. _She had that right._

"Oh save me the modesty, sexy. You know what you got. Who you tryin' to kid? I may be homeless but I sure ain't blind. ...Am I right, sugar?" The question was directed at me.

"You sure are. Edward packs the heat. Trust me," I winked. "It's huge. I can barely handle it."

"_Bellaaa_," Edward bristled.

Angela sat there staring up at me wide eyed and speechless. "I knew it!" she exclaimed like she'd just been given the location of the Holy Grail. "Wait til I tell the others! We've had bets going for months! ...Sit down, sister." She scooted over and patted the spot next to her on the bench. "Now spill the goods. I want inches down _and_ around." Edward grimaced and I laughed, knowing that I had finally won her over.

* * *

**Yes we are coming down to the home stretch. not exactly sure how many more chapters. I originally thought it'd be around 50 depending on how long I ramble (lol) but since I'm nearly there already there will be a few more. xoxo**


	50. The end is the beginning, part 1

**I know it's been awhile since I've updated. No excuses, which is why I wanted to post a part 1 just to keep her going towards the finish line.**

**I do not own Twilight and barely proofread this so pls forgive typos.**

**xo  
**

* * *

I drag the chalkboard onto the sidewalk and squat down in front of it wearing black stretchy jeans and a skin tight black tank top. Probably not the wisest wardrobe choice today but this outfit always gets me a shitload of tips. It pushes my boobs up and makes them look all super bouncy, and it's definitely gonna work tonight cuz it took three attempts to finally get past Edward and out the door this morning. He's back to his old self and _all_ hands. I couldn't be happier to have to fight his insatiable ass off every minute of the day.

The last trip to the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and one last refill on his pain meds for any residual spasms near the site of the wound, but he won't use them. The last bottle with three refills is just sitting in the medicine cabinet. He's so sexily stubborn sometimes.

Wiping the sweat from my brow and peeling the ponytail from the back of my neck, I erase last weeks saying, _Let's have a cuddle party with your liver_, and replace it with this weeks offering, _Sexist special_. Very fitting in my opinion. Emmett's been particularly annoying this past week with his whole, "You really should be spending more time taking care of Edward," speech every time I show up to work. He was _this_ close the other day to saying "a woman's place is in the home taking care of her man". Oh _man_ I would have punched him so hard...in the arm. He knows better, though. He knows I'll run straight to Rosalie and rat him out. And he would _not_ want that. All of us, even oblivious Alice, have noticed an obvious change in our Emmy-cakes lately. Ever since the..._attack_...for lack of a better word, and I fucking _hate_ that word...Emmett has become, um, in _love_ with us. _All_ of us. Even Craig, who I though he might actually murder with his two bare hands after the whole 'letting me leave the bar unescorted' thing he pulled on the night it all went down.

Sure, he's still crass and bossy and a huge sarcastic smart-ass every second and he infuriates me to the point where I want to scream at him, but oh _god_ those things make me love him so much more. His _awful_ taste in music (Tom Petty _again? Really?_) has me pulling my hair out, but now he's at least trying to have an open mind and not talk shit about everything _I_ play. He actually asked me to make him a mix CD last week. I almost passed out swear to god. Thought I was having a post-traumatic stress epi. But I went home and scoured my itunes library. I had so much fun making it, too. And I almost cried when he came up to me the next day after listening to it and told me that he really liked "that Sunset Rubdown guy's voice."

More importantly, Emmett took me to Jake's hearing last month. Edward was still in the hospital. He'd been moved to a regular room and was rehab-ing every day, but he couldn't leave. My dad flew in for a few days, thanks to Dr. Cullen who insisted on taking care of the cost no questions asked, and Renee came a few days after Charlie left, once again at the insistence of Carlisle. It was a comfort knowing I wasn't alone when I had to identify Jake in the line-up and I had Charlie with me when I was asked to provide every gruesome, upsetting detail of the stabbing and subsequent chase. When the hearing was finally set, my parents had already gone, which is why Emmett sat with me. He held my hand, he didn't say anything when I cringed and whimpered, and he didn't ask me if I was alright when he saw that there were tears in my eyes. He was absolutely everything I needed him to be. My immovable rock.

When it was all said and done and over, Jake got 25 to life for attempted murder and a slew of other charges they worked up against him _and_ his brothers. I had to take the stand and point Jake out in the courtroom. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done next to seeing Edward in ICU. I knew my testimony would decide his fate. And I should have been angry for what he did. He almost killed Edward; he would have killed me, but sitting there I couldn't feel anything but sadness and pity when I looked into his big brown eyes. I was shocked when they read the list of charges, each sentence tacking on years behind bars, including drug trafficking and the prostitution ring he tried to make me a part of. He'll be eligible for parole in 10 years but I'm trying not to think about that.

In pink and blue chalk I list the drink specials Emmett's come up with and circle them in a fluttery design. The afternoon is turning into another scorcher. I'm almost glad I'll be stuck inside the dingy club all day. _Almost _because it means I won't see Edward until after midnight. He's meeting Raymond at the Kimmel Center today and the depraved thoughts I'm having about the sounds they're making together soaks me right through my thong. They're both staggeringly good-looking boys with talent in everything they touch. They're going to accomplish great things together and I can't help but get turned on by that thought as well. Raymond's got a pair of lips on him that could put a sucker-fish to shame and Edward, well duh, he's a fucking demon in the sack. _Fuck_ I wish I could slink out of here and find the practice room they're holed up in all sweaty and agitated and full of music and longing and brilliant ideas. Oooh maybe I'll find them in the middle of a squabble – Raymond seems equally as stubborn as Edward when it comes to the arts - and they'll be pleading their cases and arguing their sides on a subject like the causality between music and violence. I can just picture Edward going all Supreme Court Justice Cullen on Raymond and Raymond getting all Public Defender on his ass. Siiiiigh. Best daydream ever.

"SWAN!," Emmett roars from inside, startling a passerby. "You can walk now. Stop milking it and get in here! What the fuck's taking so long out there? You're scribbling shit on a blackboard! Let's GO! I need some help in the kitchen."

I roll my eyes and finish my drawing with a chuckle. Gotta admit I missed this old dive while I was in the hospital and then at home recovering with Edward. It's personality and fuckoff charm. It's grimy walls and sticky floors. The characters who walk through the door each day. The friends I've made.

And Edward. It brought Edward to me. It brought us together.

And even Emmett. What the fuck would I have done without Emmett? I'd be _dead_ without Emmett. Dramatic? I don't think so.

A shadow falls over the chalkboard and I twist my neck into the relentless sunlight until I find its source. Even through squinted eyes I can make out the shape of Edward's heavenly face and jagged unruly hair shining in the sunlight.

"Hi," he says with a crooked sideways grin. One word casually spoken in his deep raspy voice and its no longer the heat that's making me feel faint.

"Hey," I answer back with my own sheepish smile. If asked I'd lie and blame my blush on sunstroke.

"I thought you were meeting with Raymond?"

"We finished early. I couldn't wait to get back to you." He squints into the sunlight as if asking it to let up and sighs when it says no.

"God you're so fucking sexy when you're...breathing," I say, shrugging my shoulders. I roll my eyes at myself. Edward does the same and crosses his arms. "That's all I could come up with."

"You're crazy," he laughs.

"You love it."

"That I do," he says. Reaching down for my hands he pulls me to a standing position and kisses me sweetly. Then deeply. Deeper. Passionately. Urgent lips and his delicious tongue mingle our saliva and the taste is tart and amazing. My hands travel up his back, under his t-shirt that's slightly damp with his sweat, higher up the ridge of his spine, and I feel his right hand doing the same as his left hand finds the back of my neck. He pulls me flush against his chest and my skin is searing from the heat his body is putting off. I yelp into his mouth and he smiles against my lips.

Mmhmm," he confirms with a growl and licks his tongue across my bottom lip. I taste the few beads of sweat on his top lip and I kiss him hard so I can savor every drop.

"Emmett's going to be out here any minute to kick my ass," I murmur, running my fingers through the back of his messy hair.

"Is he going to be mad that I'm keeping you?"

"Who knows," I kiss down his neck. "Who cares," I run my tongue up his jaw line. "God you taste so fucking good." I slip my fingers down the front of his low-rise jeans and thumb his sharp hip bones.

"I want you. Take me home."

"Bella," he chuckles, tugging my arms down and clasping them behind my back. "Your shift just started." He kisses the tip of my nose and the smell of his breath makes me wet.

"Then meet me in the bathroom in ten minutes." I nibble on his ear and palm his crotch. He sucks in his breath and bites his lip and I know I've got him.

"You're incorrigible."

I wink and then turn on my heel to walk inside.

"But you'll be there."

He winks back. "You know it."

* * *

Edward's almost there. I can feel his knees shaking and I can see it in his face, the scrunchy crinkle face he makes when he's about to come. My orgasm is boiling in my belly and I'm clinging to him for dear life. His jeans are around his knees. I don't even know where mine are. His hands are cupping my bare ass and his powerful thrusts are bashing my back against the stone wall. His grunts are breathy and rhythmic and could get me off on just their intensity alone and the way they echo around the small, dank space.

"SWAN! Stop fucking in my bathroom!" Emmett howls on the other side of the door.

"Don't listen to him," I pant, clawing at Edward's muscular back. "Don't stop."

"I couldn't...if I tried," Edward breathes into my neck. "Close so close." He rests his forehead on the wall he's pounding me into and hoists me up higher in his arms. I clench my legs tightly around his waist, which in turn crushes my moist walls around his pulsing cock.

"_Jesus_," he moans. He shakes his head in disbelief and I wonder if he's thinking what I'm thinking...which is how fucking happy I am to be able to fuck my man whenever and _wherever_ I want. I will never, ever, take anything about Edward for granted again. He feels too good, he smells and tastes and looks too good and _is so good_ at _everything all_ of the time. How did I get so fucking lucky?

A final grunt and Edward pulls out to his tip and then slams back into me at a sharp angle and we both cry out as he spills inside me, filling me with his soapy warmth. A few more pumps and I shudder around him with hot and cold flashes and a shiver of goosebumps coating my skin.

"_Godddd Edwarrrrd_," I moan throwing my head back and my legs start to loosen like jelly.

"I like the sound of that," he whispers in my ear. "I'm going to put you down now, ok? Can you stand?"

"I think so."

He kisses me softly on my lips and sets me on my feet. Clear filmy liquid runs in a thin stream down my inner thighs and I wipe it with toilet paper.

"Ten fucking seconds, Swan!" Emmett yells. "Or the door comes down!"

"I love how this is all my fault. Like I'm in here fucking myself. You guys sure know how to stick together."

Edward laughs and shakes his head. He knows I'm right.

He hands me my jeans that were in a ball in the sink and pulls up his own.

I slide them on, refasten my bra and pull my tank top down. I lean into the graffittied mirror and attempt to fix my hair.

"You look beautiful," Edward says from behind me and I feel the heat rising to my cheeks and swelling between my legs...again.

"You are one smooth operator, Edward Cullen. Keep it up and we'll be spending the whole night in here."

Edward's face frowns. "Tempting, but..." his eyes travel around, scanning the humming florescent light, the streaked walls, grimy floors and yellowed toilet seat. "...Make sure you wash your hands."

Emmett has his fist raised to the door about to smash gorilla-style when I fling it open and saunter out without a word of explanation.

"You of all people know what happens in those bathrooms, Bella. I'm surprised at you," he seethes, following me down the hall.

I stop in my tracks and smile devilishly. "You _wouldn't be_ if you saw the size of Edward's cock. It's magical, Emmy."

A low grown comes from behind me and I know it's Edward with his face in his palm.

"_Bella, pleeease_," he says clearly appalled. It's so cute when he gets embarrassed by my lack of social filter and the shit I say. When will he ever learn?

Hopefully never.

"Oh. God. Gross. Edward, _really_? Can't you control your woman?" Emmett blanches.

"Not at all. Not even a little," Edward answers sincerely and slumps into his usual stool at the end of the bar.

"That's right, baby." I kiss him proudly on the top of his head and walk around the bar to pour a beer for my first customer of the day and one for Edward.

"We cleaned up after ourselves, Emmy, fret not."

Emmett ignores my comment, which means he's done with the conversation and wants to ignore and erase the last twenty minutes from his memory. He counts out the drawer and takes the bag into the back room.

"Emmett better not _ever_ take my sister in there and do what we just did," Edward grumbles into his beer.

"I wouldn't worry about that, sweet face. I think Rosalie's got Mr. Big Man wrapped around her manicured finger."

"Yeah we'll see."

Edward in over-protective big brother mode = Bella in distracted staring at her boyfriend all night mode.

* * *

"Pssst. Excuse me, miss?"

"Yeah? What can I get you?" I say unflinchingly with a wet towel draped over my shoulder. The night has gotten extremely busy and I'm having way loads of fun treating Edward like a regular customer. It's driving him insane, which will make our sexcapades when we back home tonight even insaner.

"I'll ignore that distracting line of questioning." He leans his elbows on the bar and moves in closer. I'm attracted to him like a moth to a flame and in seconds we're nose to nose.

"I want to take you away somewhere for a few days," he says throatily over the music pounding from the speakers.

"Oh yeah? Like a...vacation?" I gulp.

"Sorta. You think Emmett will let you?"

"He will if you ask him. He's got a raging guy-boner for you."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious. After you went all superhero on me and were all nearly killed defending my honor and then when you were all brave and strong in the hospital, Em's been showing a side I've never seen before. A side that screams, _I want to go gay for Edward Cullen. I bet he's soft and warm and would be really gentle the first time_."

"You're certifiable."

"I'm telling you. He's like, _all_ about your happiness and well-being and shit. It's annoying. ...And adorable."

Edward suppressed a chuckle and took a cleansing breath. "Fine. I'll ask him for permission to take you away for a few days."

"Don't tell him where. And _don't_ let him invite himself along either. Next thing you know he'll be sleeping in between us wearing dinosaur pajamas, then he'll be spooning you and somewhere along the way I'll end up demoted to the couch while you two have quiet alone cuddle time." The mental picture is enough to send us both into a laugh out loud giggle fit.

"Isabella Swan," he says as soon as he's able to catch his breath. "You are, without a doubt, the most fascinating creature I have ever met."

* * *

**part 2 coming up soon**


	51. The lake in the sky

**I knoooooow, I shouldn't have said SOON. It has SO NOT been soon. I suck. Forgive me?**

**for those of you that remember, there WAS a part 1 to this and I promised a part 2. Since it's been a million years since my last update, I posted the last bit of part 1 of Bella's pov as a refresher before moving onto Edward.  
**

**Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight.**

* * *

_"Pssst. Excuse me, miss?"_

_"Yeah? What can I get you?" I say unflinchingly with a wet towel draped over my shoulder. The night has gotten extremely busy and I'm having way loads of fun treating Edward like a regular customer. It's driving him insane, which will make our sexcapades when we back home tonight even insaner._

_"I'll ignore that distracting line of questioning." He leans his elbows on the bar and moves in closer. I'm attracted to him like a moth to a flame and in seconds we're nose to nose._

_"I want to take you away somewhere for a few days," he says throatily over the music pounding from the speakers._

_"Oh yeah? Like a...vacation?" I gulp._

_"Sorta. You think Emmett will let you?"_

_"He will if you ask him. He's got a raging guy-boner for you."_

_"Shut up."_

_"I'm serious. After you went all superhero on me and were all nearly killed defending my honor and then when you were all brave and strong in the hospital, Em's been showing a side I've never seen before. A side that screams, I want to go gay for Edward Cullen. I bet he's soft and warm and would be really gentle the first time."_

_"You're certifiable."_

_"I'm telling you. He's like, all about your happiness and well-being and shit. It's annoying. ...And adorable."_

_Edward suppressed a chuckle and took a cleansing breath. "Fine. I'll ask him for permission to take you away for a few days."_

_"Don't tell him where. And don't let him invite himself along either. Next thing you know he'll be sleeping in between us wearing dinosaur pajamas, then he'll be spooning you and somewhere along the way I'll end up demoted to the couch while you two have quiet alone cuddle time." The mental picture is enough to send us both into a laugh out loud giggle fit._

_"Isabella Swan," he says as soon as he's able to catch his breath. "You are, without a doubt, the most fascinating creature I have ever met."_

**EPOV**

It was a hot summer day in Tompkins Square Park. A year to the day that I stumbled upon the beautiful Bella Swan crouched down on the sidewalk outside the poetry cafe. Little did I know how that tiny misstep would redirect my entire life in the space of half a second. I could have moved to the right. If the sun hadn't been in my eyes I never would have collided with the most spectacular creature ever to walk the earth. I would have missed her completely. _And_ her funky attitude. The thought scared the fucking shit out of me so this is where I'd usually stop the train of thought and move on to better things; like how we fit together even when we're walking side by side.

I held her hand, damp and small in mine, and brought it to my lips to kiss her knuckles as we strolled under the trees finishing each others sentence fragments.

_Remember the time I chased after you and nearly got creamed by a cab running through the intersection?_

_Yeah. You looked hot when you caught me, all pissed off and sweaty._

I couldn't believe it had been a year since Bella entered my life. We'd been through so much; more than most couples go through in a lifetime.

And I've never been so in love with anything the way I'm in love with Bella. No love has ever felt like this. She's the absolute reason for my existence; my dream realized. I'm the luckiest man on the face of the earth to get to spend each one of my days with her in it. And soon, very soon, I will make her mine officially and permanently.

I just have to fucking _ask her_.

She rested her head on my chest as we meandered through the park and I thought through all the styles her strawberry-scented hair has gone through in response to a chapter in our life together; the way she chopped it off when I left her, the way it framed her face as we watched Shakespeare in the Park - two strangers falling in love under the stars - how soft it felt as I held it back from her face that same night she got sick in my toilet.

"You ready to go back?" I asked, kissing her temple and squeezing her hip.

"Only if you plan on taking me back to bed and fucking me," she said seriously, slipping her hand under my thin white tee and fingering my belly hair.

"Sex addict," I teased, pulling her flush to my side so she could kiss my neck.

"Mmmm, it's your fault," she kitten-moaned, licking her way to my jaw.

"Keep it up and we're going to be late meeting Jasper," I tried to reason with her, but she obviously wasn't listening. "_Bellaaa_, we're in _public_," I scolded, removing her hand that was finding its way under the waistband of my boxerbriefs.

"Then take me _home_," she whispered breathlessly into my ear with a flick of her tongue. "So I can take these_ off_." And her hand was back in my waistband, her nails scratching the skin of my pubes. "What are we meeting Jasper for anyway? Why won't you tell me?"

I pinched my fingers to my lips and pressed them together to let her know that she was not winning this one. For once, I would be able to keep a secret from her from start to finish. And maaaaaaaan did it drive her butt-fucking-nuts! She stomped her foot and crossed her arms at her chest. I whimpered at the loss of contact with my balls but it was for the greater good. She turned her back to me and huffed in annoyance and I did my best to suppress the giggles. I fucking loved it when she pouted.

"Aww, baby don't be mad." I took hold of her hips and pressed my growing erection into her ass. "Come on, the quicker we meet Jazz, the quicker we get home, the quicker we take care of_ this_." I pushed the hardness into her again and she rolled her head back to my shoulder.

"You're the devil." She smacked her lips and tightened her side ponytail. "Ok let's go."

...

The lunch rush was in full swing at Jasper's restaurant, the line was almost out the door, but what we had come for would only take seconds to collect. I took Bella by the hand and led her through the crowd to the counter.

"Hey Edward!" Valerie was at the register and her face lit up when she saw me. She's always had a small crush on me and gets all red and nervous when I'm around. It's cute, even though Bella's convinced that all she's thinking about every second is what it's like to fuck me.

"Hi, Valerie," I smiled politely. Out of my periphery I caught Bella's amused stare. Alright fine. She was right. Valerie's thinking about fucking me.

I shot Bella a sideways grin and pulled her to my side.

"Is Jasper available for a second? He has something for me."

"He's in the back. I'll go get him right now." Valerie practically threw the customer his change and dashed behind the curtain into the kitchen.

"You should have asked her for a blow job," Bella snorted. "She would have dropped to her knees in a heartbeat and serviced you in front of the entire dining room."

"Jealous?" I smirked.

"Should I be?"

"Why would you even ask a stupid question like that?" I knew she was kidding but I lifted her chin anyway and placed a soft kiss on her beautiful mouth.

"Hey hey get a room you two," Jasper teased, pushing through the curtain. He came around the counter and scooped Bella in a hug. They exchanged words I couldn't hear and Bella blushed and slapped at Jazz playfully.

"Here ya go, man," he said, holding out his hand. "Be good to her," he winked. I held out my hand and he dropped a shiny set of keys in my palm. "I hope you can drive standard."

I nodded. No problem.

"Good. I got her out of the garage this morning. She's parked at a meter on Houston. She's filled up and ready to go."

"Thanks, Jazz. I mean it."

"I know you do, Edward. That's why I offered." He put his arm around me and led me a few steps out of Bella's earshot.

"Listen, you need anything else, you call me. I have a friend who lives in the area and Emmett - well, he would never admit to it, but I know he'll want to hear from you...y'know, after."

"We'll call you, I promise. I have your all your numbers programmed into my phone. ...Oh and thank you for getting Alice to keep her mouth shut."

Jasper laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "It was easy. I just threatened to withhold sex from her for a month."

"Nice."

"Ok, get out of here. And good luck."

...

"You should get packed," I murmured, lazily kissing my way up Bella's naked spine. She was sprawled out on her belly and taking up most of the bed but after what we just did, I could give a shit.

"Mmuhmm," she mumbled into the pillow. "Don't wanna get up. What more of you." She rolled over and spooned against me, her bare flesh as damp and heated as mine. She writhed against me and trailed her fingers across my chest and down my stomach. She took my erection in her hand and stroked it slowly. I propped my head up on my arms so I could watch her work me.

"You have all of me," I said in a strangled voice. "God what you do to me...you have no idea." She kept going, rhythmically working my shaft. I figured she must be sore since I was about to come and she hadn't moved to put me inside her. I thought too soon because suddenly she pulled me on top of her and I nestled in between her spread legs.

"I want to feel you inside me again," she was pleading with me with her eyes, like I would _ever_ turn her down.

"You sure you're ok?" I whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I want you, Edward. I don't care if it hurts." With that she grabbed my ass cheeks and slammed me inside her with a moan. The friction between our bodies was intense as I pushed inside her and out again over and over. She clasped her ankles at the small of my back and rode me, pulling me in and stilling my movements when she wanted to savor the sensation of fullness. I didn't want to hurry her, I loved having sex with Bella, and making love to her, and fucking her, depending on our mood, but I reeeeally wanted her to get packed. She had no idea but I had a timeline planned out and we were already grossly behind schedule.

But she was in control and I was powerless against her. The way she made me feel owned me, but _I_ knew _her_ body better than she did and she was seconds away from cumming all over me. I toyed with her, pulling out and staying there with my dick bobbing against her upper thigh until she whined and cried and I pushed back in and did it a second time and then a third and on the fourth pass over her clit she bucked and moaned and we rode the wave of pleasure together. She came down kissing me hungrily and lipping _I love you I love you I love you_ into my mouth.

After a shower and some coffee, I hailed a cab outside the building and loaded our bags into the trunk. I had been packed for days; little by little I'd put stuff in my track bag so Bella wouldn't notice. It's better for Bella not to have too much time to think about packing which is why I waited til the last minute to tell her we were going somewhere. She's the Queen of Procrastination and I didn't want to give her extra days to grill me on what she should be bringing or trick me into telling her where we were going.

"Move your ass, darling!" I yelled up the stairs and into the apartment. "The cactus will be fine by himself for a couple of days."

"_HER_self!" Bella called out and I finally heard her locking up and closing the door.

"Whatever you say, now let's go!" I held the front door open for her as she clomped down the stairs in her Rocketdog flip flops and cut-off jean capri's. Her ripped Blondie tank-top that she found in the Salvation Army bargain bin held on to her slender shoulders with safety pins.

"You better not be taking me out for a fancy dinner cuz I brought nothing but slut clothes," she snipped. It was hilarious. She was still annoyed that I wasn't divulging a single detail.

"No you didn't. I saw you pack your light blue mini dress, the one you bought with the gift card Renee sent you, the one I told you gave me an erection when you tried it on at Bloomingdales."

She opened her mouth to argue with me and then closed it. Ha. I win.

"You're mean," she pouted, crossing her arms and staring out the window of the cab.

"No I'm not," I said with a sly grin.

"If you loved me you'd tell me what I want to know."

"I do love you, which is why I'm going to show you instead. Don't you trust me?"

She was silent and then turned to me, her eyes glistening. "Yes."

"Oh baby, don't be sad. Hey, c'mere." I pulled her close to me. "This is all good stuff. You know I wouldn't take you anywhere that I didn't think you'd like, right?" She nodded and nuzzled into my neck. "I love you so much. I just want to show you, that's all. I'll never surprise you again after this, how about that?"

"Ok," she said softly and I laughed because I could feel her starting to laugh.

The cab stopped on Houston St right next to the vintage 1962 Jaguar that I had the keys to. We loaded it up with our stuff and I opened Bella's door.

"_This_ is Jazz's car? But he's broke. Why doesn't he sell it?"

"You don't just sell a car like this, Bella. It's been in his family for years."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Now no more questions."

She opened her mouth to protest but I gave her a classic Cullen eyebrow raise and she shut up quick.

...

We zoomed up the New York State Thruway heading north. Much to my surprise, Jasper had the Jag decked out with some pretty sweet options including a stereo with iPod hook up and a GPS nav. _Some things are worth being behind on your rent for_, he told me the day we went to the garage in Chinatown where he keeps the car for cheap. He'd taken Alice on some day trips and weekend getaways upstate a few times and said she rode like a dream. He also recommended the place where Bella and I were currently headed.

A little over two hours after we left the city - alright so I was speeding a bit - we arrived at our destination.

Mohonk Mountain House.

Bella had been relatively quiet for the second half of the drive, saying things to herself but out loud like, "I didn't know New York could look like this." Mostly she just stared wide-eyed out the passenger window. I had to admit I was in awe myself. Coming from the Pacific Northwest I knew the beauty of nature, I had it all around me every day, but there was something different about these surroundings. Maybe because it was so unexpected; in my naivety of the state I figured it didn't get much better than Central Park. I was going to have to eat my words, and then some. I'd thank Jasper later. The boy knew his stuff. This place had the market on secluded romance.

We checked into our room quickly and easily by the friendliest of staff. And they should be. We were staying in the most expensive room in the entire hotel. The Mountain View Tower Suite. It was the only room that would do, the only room that could match the beauty and enormity of the purpose for our stay.

"Edward, we can't stay here," Bella said softy after I'd tipped the bellboy.

"Why not?"

She looked like she was going to cry. Her face was crunching up, her chin was trembling, her eyes were shaking as she stood in the center of the room.

"Baby, what is it? What's wrong?"

Completely overwhelmed by her surroundings, she just shook her head and the tears poured down her face.

"Bella, talk to me." I was getting scared now.

"I don't belong here. Edward. This is too good for me. _You're_ too good for me." She hugged her arms around herself and rocked in place. I rushed to her side, pulled her arms apart and reattached them around my waist. I hugged her close so I could smell her and so she would understand.

"Are you crazy? Of course you belong here. You belong with me. You belong anywhere that's as beautiful as you are, and believe me there aren't many places that stand up to the challenge. Why do you think we had to come so far?" I kissed the top of her head and then lifted her chin. "Oh Bella don't cry." I wiped her tears with the pad of my thumb. "I love you so much. I want to find all the different ways to show you just how much you mean to me."

"You show me every day just by breathing. You didn't have to do this-"

I put my finger to her soft lips. "Stoppit. I wanted to. But if you're unhappy here-"

"I'm not unhappy. It's gorgeous here. It looks like all the places I've seen in my dreams."

"Except this time it's real."

She finally smiled and I leaned down to kiss her sweetly.

"I'm sorry for making you think I didn't like it here," she said after we'd pulled away breathlessly. "I'm just a little - well, look at me." She wanded her arm over her appearance.

"Well, you _do_ look a bit like a raccoon right now," I grinned and brushed my thumb under her eyes. "But I doubt you're the only one here with tattoos and piercings."

"God when are you going to start being _ashamed_ of me?" she asked sarcastically. "It's what I keep waiting for."

"You're going to have a long wait I'm afraid." I kissed her again, deeply and with more passion this time, until she was weak in the knees and trembling in my arms.

"I also keep waiting for _that _not to happen anymore," she mumbled, dizzily swaying in place.

"I'm in trouble if it does," I joked. "It's what's been keeping my ego afloat since we met."

...

After we unpacked and freshened up, we strolled the breathtaking grounds hand in hand, pointing out birds and flowers. We rocked in rocking chairs on the massive front porch and watched the boaters out on the lake. Everything was calm and serene, yet at the same time bustling and alive with the buzz and excitement of uninterrupted nature.

Bella breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly and I leaned my head back on my rocking chair and just fucking listened. I could hear my Bella breathing next to me and I knew this was the way I wanted to grow old. With her rocking next to me and our grandchildren playing at our feet. We had the whole weekend like this, to do with as we pleased. There was hiking and bike riding, fishing, swimming, boating, gardens, and a Victorian maze to get lost in.

As the sun went down we retired back to our decadent room to change for dinner. I had already called in advance and requested the vegetarian meal for Bella and for a private table secluded from the rest of the dinner crowd. Attire was semi-formal, which I also knew in advance.

"Oh my god, you're wearing a suit," Bella gasped when she emerged from her private dressing room.

"It's not a suit," I said, looking down at myself. I didn't see the big deal - I was wearing black pants and a black blazer with a white button down underneath.

"You're wearing a blazer and dress pants. It's totally a suit."

"Ah but I'm not wearing a tie," I corrected her.

"You're wearing the Ferragamo shoes you wore when you worked at the agency," she argued, circling me like a lioness. "Jesus fuckloving Christ, Edward Anthony, you are hotter than fuck, do you know that? The last thing I want to do is eat right now."

I rolled my eyes in embarrassment and walked her towards the full length mirror. "Look at_ you_, Bella Swan. I mean, _godammit_ how did I get so lucky?" Our reflection took my breath away. Bella, in her light blue mini dress with the plunging neckline, her hair half up-half down and spilling in loose curls down her back, those clear kitten heels that made her look like Cinderella, and I had to admit I did look pretty damn suave. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles.

"May I escort you to dinner?" I asked, giving her my most dazzling smile. Unable to speak, she simply nodded.

...

I woke up the next morning at dawn, my stomach already fluttering in anticipation.

Today was the day. I had planned it to the tee.

Today I was going to ask Bella to marry me.

* * *

**don't kill me for ending it there. next chapter is the proposal from Edward's POV.**

**couple things - I have NO clue if the 62 Jag is a standard or not. research meant further delay so I winged it. lol. and i know i blatantly ripped off a line from new moon.  
**


	52. Most of all, I love how you love me

**I want to thank everyone for staying with this story and following it through to the end. it's like watching your babies grow up and leave the nest but it sure was fun getting them to this point.  
**

**i'm debating whether or not to do an epi. i always said this wasn't a story that ended with a marriage, but I do have some of it written so what the hell. depending on the response will decide if I post it or not. **

**if you like my writing, please feel free to follow my other stories also in progress, although they are both very different from this one though so beware. **

**you guys are the best. :)**

**and so is stephenie meyer for writing Twilight.  
**

* * *

**I love how your eyes close  
Each time that you kiss me  
And when I'm away from you  
I love how you miss me  
I love the way your kiss is always heavenly  
But darling most of all  
I love how you love me **

_I woke up the next morning at dawn, my stomach already fluttering in anticipation._

_Today was the day. I had planned it to the tee._

_Today I was going to ask Bella to marry me._

**EPOV**

I opened my suitcase and quietly took out the box containing Bella's antique engagement ring - the diamond I'd bought months ago. The day had finally come to present it to her and propose. I held it to the light and smiled. It was going to look great on her hand nestled between her smooth fingers.

Bella sighed in her sleep and adjusted her pillow. I froze in place until she'd settled back down.

We had an amazing night last night. Dinner was perfect, at a table near the wide open doors that led to the lake. It was private, just like I'd asked. A warm breeze moved our hair and brought in the sounds of summer from the outside; crickets and frogs and the rustling of leaves. Bella was glowing. Sitting across the table from me she was absolutely fucking _glowing_ and I nearly got down on one knee right then and there before they'd even brought out the appetizers.

But Bella deserved better; she deserved the best of me. She'd waited so long. Our mutual brush with death made each day more precious than the next and today, _this day_, was going to be everything I hoped she'd been waiting for. Bella would wait for me forever, I know she would. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. There's nowhere else she wants to be. I want that look to change from one of grateful anticipation to one of absolute certainty. After today she'll never have to wonder, even the tiniest fucking bit, if we'll always be together.

I put the ring back in the box and picked up the phone in the adjoining parlor.

…

"Hiking? _Me?_ Are you sure about this?" Bella frowned. She stood in front of the full-length mirror in her private dressing chamber and surveyed her outdoorsy-est outfit – tight jeans, Sketchers, and a New York Dolls tank top.

"It'll be fine. There will be plenty of other hikers doing the 'squeeze and I've heard that once you get to the top, it's totally worth it."

"See, right there. It's called the _'squeeze_. That can't possibly be a Bella Swan-approved activity. I sense impending doom." She gathered her hair in a ponytail and whipped an elastic band around it. She dug in her pockets and pulled out a bunch of bobby pins, moved her bangs around and slid them strategically in place.

"I called the front desk and they told me it's the one thing you have to make sure you do while you're here." I stood behind her and rested my chin on her shoulder. "If you get freaked out, we can climb down. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Ya big chicken."

I opened the door so Bella could leave first. Surveying the room one last time in OCD-like fashion, I made sure I had everything. Wallet, phone, keys. Check. And the most important item of all in the pocket of my cargo shorts. I stuck my hand inside and touched the box for the millionth time. It was like having a tiny security blanket in my pocket. My stomach leapt. _It won't be long now_.

"Come on, Edward!" Bella whined from the hall. "Breakfast is only served for another hour and I'm _starving_!"

…

After Bella devoured her gluten-free pancakes and I finished my egg-white omelet, I picked up our trail passes from the front desk and we were on our way.

There were a variety of different hikes we could take; some guided, others not. I wanted the day to be as personal as possible and wasn't really into the idea of being led in a group, but I also thought it wise to have others around in the quite possible event that we lost our way or needed some kind of outdoorsy guidance. We decided on a hike through the rock scramble that would eventually take us up to what was referred to by the locals as the 'lemon squeeze'.

"Two point seven five miles round trip with some moderate to strenuous uphill sections," I recited from the guidebook. "Ever-changing angles of rock surfaces, increasing altitude, blablabla. ...I think we can handle it, what do you say?" I asked Bella with a grin. She squinted up at the mountains and chewed on her lip.

"I think I'll need to be airlifted out of there.

"Nonsense. ...Three hundred sixty degree views of the Hudson Valley at the summit," I read on. "It'll be great. Let's go." I took her hand and pulled her down the gravel path that led to the start of the trail.

"Maybe we could walk through the Victorian maze instead. Down that way...on flat ground," Bella suggested, dragging her feet like a willful puppy.

I stopped in my tracks and sighed, running my fingers through my hair. She wasn't going to make this easy on me. I should have known.

"Sure," I consented. "Yeah, alright, we can do the maze." I didn't want to argue with her. There was no reason – other than the fact that I was going to propose and in a maze was not where I wanted to do it – that under any other circumstances I'd be against getting lost in the woods with my girl. It wasn't in line with my timetable but I'd work around it. Bella kept me on my toes. It's what I loved and what I wanted.

We headed down the east side of the grounds, following the signs for the maze, until we arrived at a larger sign strung across the entrance of the massive hedges that read: _Closed for minor renovations_. I turned to Bella, whose face had suddenly contracted the fear of all that was holy, and brushed my thumb across the swell of her plump bottom lip.

"Please try the hike with me?" I asked sincerely.

"Ugh. You really wanna do it, don't you?" she sighed and pushed her black sunglasses to the top of her head. "Dammit. You're too damn sexy when you look at me like that. ...Alright, fine. But you're totally doing me doggy-style behind a rock at least once."

_Fuck_ I loved this crass little girl.

...

I kept Bella in my sights at all times. My eyes were always ten steps ahead of her scanning for any possible sign of danger, any opportunity for her to slip into a crevice or lose her balance and stumble off the path. Keeping up with her was a challenge. Once she found her rhythm she was bounding from rock formation to rock formation, steadying herself on tree trunks and hanging limbs. She found a group of hikers that were taking the same route as us and she fell in step with them, following their movements. I watched her observe how they assessed each obstacle. If a rock appeared too slick with condensation, they avoided going right and went left through the mud instead. Her confidence was growing with each bend in the trail and I was glad to see her begin to trust herself without looking back to me each time for reassurance.

We came to a fork in the trail; one made of rubble that went straight down before it curved up, and the other a steep narrow path with very little traction.

Bella followed the rubbled path. I called out to stop her.

"That's not a good idea, Bella. If you fall forward, I won't be there to catch you. Let's go this way. That way if you slip, I'll be behind you."

"But this way's prettier," she protested, taking her first steps down the path.

This was going to be bad. I felt it in my gut. I let her go, but instead of following her, I jogged further up the path we had been following, jumped a boulder, cut through a dense cluster of bush whose bristles painfully slashed the skin on my legs, skidded unexpectedly down a portion of trail where the rock bed had come loose, and eventually managed to link up with the path Bella had chosen about fifty feet in front of her.

"Hey! Where'd you come from?" she called out, a big satisfied smile on her face. She was sweaty, her cheeks smudged with dirt and she picked up the pace to get to me faster.

"No! Bella! Slow down! Watch your step! There's nothing for you to hold onto!"

But it was too late. Her smile turned to panic and the rest was slow motion. Her arm reached out for something to brace against but there were no trees, the rock wall was out of reach. Her legs were unsteady, her equilibrium off balance and all I could do was watch as she slid.

"_Edward!_" she screeched, knowing she was in trouble. There was no time to answer. I dug my feet in the dirt and took off after her. The rocks slid out from under me and I went over on my ankle but I kept running through the pain. I made it to her just as her footing gave way. She fell into my arms with an _ooomph_ and a cry.

"It's ok. You're ok. You're fine," I hushed, steadying her against my body.

"Shit shit shit, I told you I couldn't do it," she whimpered into my chest. "I told you'd I break my neck and die out here."

"You didn't break your neck and you aren't dead. You didn't even fall."

"Only cuz you were there to catch me. I can't do anything by myself."

"Bullshit," I rolled my eyes. "And it's my _job _to catch you. If I can't do that, well," I shrugged. "What else am I good for?"

A sexual innuendo was exactly what my pervy Bella needed to take her mind her near-fall. She lifted her head from my chest and looked at me through thick, black lashes. A sly grin curled the corner of her mouth and she tightened her fingers into fists at the hem of my shirt.

"How about we take it behind that wall and I'll help you think of something?" she suggested just like I knew she would.

Bella blew me in record time. Damn my girl was a pro. I didn't even have time to panic about being caught by hikers coming around the bend. In one swift motion she had my cock in her hand and was stroking me to completion. Then she sunk to her knees in the moist grass and I was in her mouth before I could tell her that it'd be just fine if she finished me with her hand. I moaned out loud and knocked the back of my head against the rock as she worked me. It didn't take long before I came hard down her throat with a grunt. Bella was wiping her mouth and had my limp cock tucked in and my shorts zipped up just as a pack of hikers walked up the trail.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly, the salty taste of my cum on her breath. "I feel better now." She kissed me on the tip of my nose and took my hand to lead me.

We continued our hike through the Shawangunk mountains which finally culminated in a passage through a deep crevice of stone wide enough for only one person to pass at a time. It was flat and there were other people around so I went first and Bella followed behind. At the end of the passage was a rope ladder that hung from a narrow opening on the rocky ledge high above. In order to reach the precipice, you had to climb the ladder and squeeze through the ever-tightening sliver of rock until you reached the top. Hopefully someone would already be up there to help pull you out, otherwise you'd need all of your upper body strength to hoist yourself through the opening. But when you did, your reward was the world at your feet and the panorama of a spectacular mountain range exploding on all sides.

"Are you ready?"

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" Bella replied in irritation as she stood at the foot of the rope ladder and looked up into the abyss. "You don't honestly think I'm going to make it up there alive?"

"You made it this far," I answered cheerily.

She gave me the stink eye and crossed her arms at her chest. "Barely," she grumbled watching as those behind us took hold of the ropes and began their ascent through the 'squeeze.

"See? They're all doing it and they're no better or more in shape than you are. And _that_ girl's carrying a huge backpack. She'll probably get stuck at the top," I joked. "Come on, baby. We're almost there. I know you can do it. I'll go up first and pull you through."

Each hiker that walked by had a piece of advice to give as they shimmied up the ladder.

"One hand over the other, one foot at a time."

"I did it with a cast on once."

"My grandma did the 'squeeze last year."

"Mind over matter."

And so on and so on until I was nearly doubled over with laughter. Bella looked at me and her cheeks were red. She was trying to hold it in too.

"Ok, let's do this before I change my mind," she giggled.

"That's my girl," I murmured into her ear, licking her lobe til she moaned.

I took the first step and began to climb. The first few were shaky and the ladder bowed and creaked with the weight of the people that were clinging to it at various stages, but I got the hang of it quickly and could see the light at the top growing brighter.

Every now and then Bella slapped my ass to let me know she was still behind me, or just because it was an excuse to slap my ass - one never knows with Bella. The walls grew closer together, the space for our bodies to fit grew smaller, tighter, until I thought there was a good possibility that I wasn't going to fit. I took shallow breaths of air. There wasn't room to turn my head to look back for Bella. I hoped she was still behind me. My palms were sweaty and my grip slipped from the ropes several times. The hiker in front of me had long reached the top and pulled himself through and the sound of silence all around me was deafening. Rivers of sweat poured down the sides of my face. I was literally _wet_ and nearing a claustrophobic state when I felt the slightest movement of breeze through my arm hairs. And then a sliver of light. And then faint echo of sound. An arm thrust toward me through the opening, catching me off guard.

"Take my hand, man. I gotcha," came a friendly voice. I tentatively let go of the rope ladder and stuck my arm through the murkiness. Our hands clasped together and I felt an instant, sharp tug as I was pulled upwards. My knees scraped against the wall and in seconds I was up and out and the brightness was blinding, the wind whipping through my hair.

"Takes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust," said the gray-haired man in the Grateful Dead shirt who'd helped me.

"Thanks alot," I panted, wiping my brow and brushing the dirt off my legs.

"No problem, man. We can all use a helping hand once in awhile."

I crouched down in front of the opening and called down for Bella. "Baby, you almost there?" A waited through the longest second of my life until I heard her voice call back to me.

"I got dirt in my mouth from your boots!"

I threw my head back and laughed out loud. "Well you can kick my ass when you get up here." I reached into the abyss for her and my heart skipped a beat when I felt her hand take mine. I pulled her out with ease and she threw her arms around my neck.

"I missed you," she whispered dipping her head into my sweaty shoulder.

The view was breathtaking. It was all around us; too much for the eyes to take in at once. The mountain range rippled to the horizon on and on in curves and waves; and the sprawl of the valley below was every shade of green and lush with trees and fields dotted every so often with silos and farmhouses.

"It looks like a painting," Bella gasped. "It's not real. It's from a book."

I took Bella by her waist and sat her gently on the stone wall that lined the perimeter of the plateau. Her legs dangled and the breeze lifted and danced with strands of her hair. The sun was blindingly bright in the cloudless, blue sky, giving everything it touched a golden hue.

"It's so incredibly beautiful up here. It's where dreams are born," Bella said out loud to no one in particular. Her eyes were everywhere but on me, which was fine because the scene sprawled out before us was spectacular, but not fine because I was about to do my thing and I kinda needed her attention.

"Exactly," I began and put my hand on her warm forearm. "Isabella?" She turned to me, like she'd done a million times only this time she immediately recognized that something was different in my eyes. I quickly took her hand in mine to keep hold of the moment.

"Oh my god," she gasped and clapped her other hand over her mouth. "You called me Isabella."

Her eyes widened and I could feel her hand trembling inside mine. She knew what was coming and I chuckled in amazement. My heart was pounding and fresh beads of sweat were sprouting on my forehead and upper lip.

"I know I did, baby." I pushed her knees apart and settled in between them, leaning my weight against the stone wall she was sitting on.

"...That means..." she mumbled from behind her hand unable to verbalize the rest of her thought. Tears pooled in her eyes.

"Just let me get this out ok?" I smiled sweetly. I needed to do this before she came apart.

"Okay," I kissed her hand and sighed. "I didn't think I'd be so nervous. I always knew I'd do this. There's never been any doubt in my mind that you're the one for me. We were made to be together. Wherever we are, whatever we're doing, as long as I'm with you, I'm home. Even when we've been apart and things have been shitty, I always knew the only way I'd ever be complete, that the only way I'd only ever feel better was to be with you."

I took a steadying breath and continued. "I've practiced so many different ways to ask you this one simple question. I've rehearsed so many different _things_ to say to you at this exact moment. But now that we're here, now that I have you in front of me, all I fucking want to do is_ tell _you..."

I took a step back and got down on one knee, still holding her hand in mine and that's when the sobbing started. "_Oh Edward..._" she cried behind her hand, but I kept going.

"...I love you, Bella. Madly and with all that makes me a man. I promise I will do everything in my power to show you _every day_ how much you mean to me. You are my_ life_."

Without breaking eye contact, I lifted the ring out of my pocket and placed the box in the palm of my outstretched hand.

"Will you make me the luckiest man on earth, and agree to be my wife?"

I opened it so she could see the ring and then I wasn't sure what to do next besides wait for her answer. This is where my rehearsal in front of the mirror usually ended. Now the pressure- filled seconds began to tick. Should I have taken on a more official tone and said, _In summation, Miss Swan, I would like to enter into a legally-binding agreement with you to become my spouse and power of attorney over my generous wealth and inheritance_.

Bella stared at the ring with those wide, brown eyes of hers. If there was a way to kill someone with the power of a pause, she could do it.

"You didn't say please," she sob-hiccup-laughed, taking her hand away from her mouth to reveal her blotchy, tear-stained face.

"Of course I didn't," I chuckled, letting out a deep sigh. "How thoughtless of me." I cleared my throat and gave her my best heated stare.

"_Please, _Isabella, with a cherry on top..._honor me_. Marry me."

A tiny crowd of hikers had gathered at the light house behind me and were watching my curious attempt at a proposal unfold. They weren't close enough to be intrusive, but close enough for us to hear their conversation.

"_Mm, if she doesn't marry him, I will, honey. That boy is fiiiiiine."_

Bella hiccuped-laughed again and I grinned, nodding over my shoulder. "You heard the woman."

"Actually it was the guy who said it," Bella corrected in between sniffles.

I was still on bended knee with my heart in my hands.

"_And?_" This was about to get embarrassing.

She started crying again, softer this time, with not as much stuttered breathing. Her hands were still shaking when she cupped them under my jaw. She scooted forward on the wall and I was about to stand when she reached the edge and plopped down onto the ground and sat in the dirt in front of me. I was still on my knees with the ring in my hand, waiting for an answer. She took hold on my shoulders and pulled me to her so her back was flush against the stone.

"So that's what this trip was about?" she whispered against my lips. "Edward? You did all this - you brought me all this way so you could ask me to marry you?"

I nodded. There was nothing more to say. That's exactly why I brought her here.

"You're so amazing," she whimpered, her bottom lip quivering. "But you could have asked me in the parking lot of the train station and I would have said yes."

I nodded again and nuzzled my stubbly cheek into her hands. "Isn't this much more romantic?" I asked innocently. I kissed her palm and she inhaled slowly and exhaled.

"_Yes._"

I pulled my head back to see her better. "Yes? ...You mean, yes as in yes it's much more romantic or..."

She snaked her fingers around mine and pulled me in. We were nose to nose and I could smell her sweat.

"I mean yes as in, _Yes_, Edward Cullen. I will be your wife."

And it was my turn for my hands to shake and my throat to tighten. I pulled the ring off its cushion and slid it down Bella's slender finger. A perfect fit. She held it up and watched it glitter in the sunlight.

"Oh Edward," she cried, her words tripping out of mouth. "It's perfect. I love it. I love you." She launched her weight at me, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tight. I stood and pulled her up with me. I lifted her in my arms and she wrapped her legs around my waist and we stayed joined like that for minutes, hours, I'll never know how long and it didn't matter. There was the sound of faint clapping in the background but all I cared about was the feel of my girl in my arms and the smell of her hair and the salt of her tears and my ring on her finger and our future together.

"I'm so happy," I murmured into her hair, smoothing it as she clung to me. "You've made me so so happy, my Bella. You have no idea."

She cried into my shoulder and moved her lips across my neck. "I think I just might."

...

The climb down the mountain was a blur of sliding and kissing and holding and smiling and touching and stopping to make out on rocks and giggling and making plans for the future.

"Who should we call first?" Bella asked catching her breath, her arms snaked around my neck.

"Congratulations, man," said a passing hiker with dread-locks piled at the top of his head in a colorful bandanna. "I saw your proposal at the lighthouse. Right on." He held out his fist and I bumped mine into his knuckles.

"Thanks," I said politely.

"Yeah, she's hot. ...Sorry, miss," he corrected and spoke directly to Bella. "I just thought he should know that he's a lucky dude. You're a fine woman. No offense, bro."

"Uh, yeah. None taken, man. Thanks."

"Awesome ink," he said, pointing at the red ribbon on Bella's shoulder. She blushed and shook the hiker's hand and he grinned and took off down the cliffside.

"Ooookay. That was random," I said, sliding my hands through my sweaty hair.

"He was sweet," Bella gushed. "So anyway, my first thought is to call Alice cuz she'll pout if she doesn't hear before Emmett or Jazz."

"I think it should be your father."

"Fuck!" Bella twirled in place and stamped her foot in the dirt. "We haven't even thought about how we're going to break this to Charlie! You really should have done that thing guys do when they ask the father for permission first. Charlie would have eaten that shit up. It would have given him a giant Chief of Police power trip."

I stood with my arms folded and shook my head in endless amusement. Bella bit her lip ring between her teeth and squinted at me. "What are you finding so terrifically amusing this time, Mr. Cullen?" she accused, hands on hips.

"Only that I asked your father's permission the last time we were in Forks. Which was also when I bought your engagement ring." I couldn't help the satisfied smile that curled the corners of my mouth.

"You _sneak_!" She pushed her hands into my chest. "Both of you! He's known this whole time and never said anything!"

I chuckled and nodded.

"That means, you've been waiting to do this for months," she deduced sadly.

I took a deep breath and pulled her into my sweaty embrace. Kissing her hair I murmured, "So many times, baby. There were so many times when I wanted to ask you. I was planning on asking you the day be got back from Forks, but..."

"Jake tried to kill you," Bella finished.

"Yeah. Kinda put a damper on my proposal plans. Although I _did_ consider asking you from my hospital bed, but I couldn't get down on one knee with the IV attached to my arm."

We were quiet for a moment on the mountainside and then Bella started to shake in my arms. I wasn't sure if she was ill or crying. Turns out she was neither. She was laughing.

"Oh god Edward, our lives have been so fucked up. Do you think we can do this?"

"Do what?"

"Be normal married people?"

"_Normal?_ You? And me? Uh, no," I laughed. "But I don't want to be normal. Normal is boring, and I'm never bored when I'm with you. Promise me we'll never be normal."

...

The phone started to ring and immediately I pictured it disturbing some important high-level investigative reporting that Charlie was working on. My hands trembled in anticipation of hearing his irritation at my insensitivity on the other end.

"Swan," came the gruff, monotone voice and I cleared my throat.

"Hello, sir? I mean, Chief Swan? This is Edward Cullen."

"Hello Edward. Is everything alright? You sound out of breath."

"Yes, sir. Everything is fine. It's more than fine actually. I'll get to the point. ...Isabella, um, _Bella's_ agreed to marry me, sir, and I wanted you to be the first to know."

There was silence on the other end and I began to panic. Each second that ticked by was torture. What if he'd changed his mind about me after all that happened since I'd asked for Bella's hand? Had he heard about my questionable behavior in Forks during my last visit? My pounding of Mike Newton on high school grounds, the public humiliation and pummeling of Royce King in front of all his douchebag friends? If he gave me a chance, I'd explain it all; how they deserved it, how Mike Newton was selling shitty drugs laced with baby powder to high school kids and how Royce King used my sister for his personal punching bag. I'd make him understand that I would never let anything like that happen to his daughter. I would never treat Bella like anything other than a princess. I wasn't like that anymore. Bella had calmed me. She'd changed me for the better.

"Um...sir?" I croaked into the receiver and I finally heard a rustling sound on the other end.

"That's wonderful news, Edward. Really wonderful. About damn time you worked up the nerve to ask her."

I let out a grateful laugh. "You couldn't be more right about that, Chief Swan. Thank you, sir. I'm a lucky man. Well, let me put Bella on. She's practically clawing the phone out of my hand."

Bella stuck her tongue out at me and swiped my cell from my fingers squealing _daddyyy!_ before she even got it to her ear. I'd never heard Bella refer to her father as _daddy_ and I could only imagine what hearing those words did to Charlie's heartstrings. I sat on a fallen tree trunk and waited patiently. Eventually she returned to me with the phone in her hand and dried tear-stains on her cheeks.

"He said he'll come anywhere for the wedding. It doesn't matter where we have it or what we do, he said he'll be there," she cried.

"Of course he will," I said, gathering her in my arms. "You're his little girl. That will never change."

We called Renee next and I don't think I understood one word of the conversation that transpired between her and Bella. All it sounded like was a mish-mosh of shrieks and cries and garbled vowels. And when I got on the phone it wasn't much better. Renee was in quite a tizzy over the news and I did my best to keep up by saying things like, "Yes, Renee...I promise...I love you, too Renee...Yes of course I'll take care of her...Thank you...yes, I love you too..."

Alice and Jasper were elated at the news and Alice bitched Jasper out for knowing and not telling her. They both promised not to say a word until we'd told everyone ourselves and we made plans to go out for celebratory drinks once we got back to the city.

"Emmett's working double's this whole weekend so you could go away with Edward. Just be prepared for his shitty attitude when you call the club," Alice warned.

Since we weren't sure what mood we'd find him in, we decided to put Emmett on speaker. He picked up on the first ring.

"Bowery..._yeah I fucking said I'd do it, I'm on the phone_...yeah, hello, Bowery."

"Emmy? It's Bella and Edward!" Bella squealed.

"Fuck," he groaned. "What happened now? Do you need to be bailed out of some backwater jailhouse?"

"No-ah. Nothing happened. Jesus," Bella rolled her eyes. "Why is that the first thing everyone asks us when we call?"

"Because you two are like Indian Point. You could blow at any moment." I had to laugh at that one. Emmett knew us pretty well.

"So how's it going out there? You didn't fall headfirst off a cliff yet and it's been almost an entire day. I'd say that's a record."

"Ha," Bella snorted. "We _are_ going headfirst into something though. ...We're getting married!"

"...We_ are? _Aren't you supposed to ask me first? And where's my ring? What's Edward going to say about this?"

"Shut up, _Emmett_! I mean _me_ and Edward are getting married?"

"Today?" he asked sarcastically and I could hear the tinge of laughter in his voice. He was fucking with Bella. He knew exactly what was going on and he wanted to torture her. My man-crush on Emmett was official. Well, it was official the night he saved me from bleeding to death on the pavement outside Bella's building but this marked a close second.

"No, not today, you big jerk! Edward asked me to _marry him today_ and I said yes! Aren't you happy for us?"

Emmett paused and sighed and the noise in the background faded and when he spoke next he spoke clearly and quietly. "Yeah...I am. I really am. I mean it, Bella. Congratulations. ...Edward, congratulations, man. 'bout time."

"Thanks, Emmett," I beamed. "So I've been told."

"Emmy, are you crying? You sound funny."

"Me? I'm not fucking crying. I'm...I'm in the stockroom. Bad connection."

Bella put the phone to her chest and looked at me with her mouth hanging open. _Oh my god I think he's CRYING_, she mouthed and then put the receiver to her ear.

"I love you so much, Emmy. You'll always be my best guy."

"And you'll always be my pain in the ass."

"I know," she grinned, swaying in place. "Some things never change."

"Hey don't say anything to Rosalie," I interrupted. "I want to tell her before I call my parents."

Rosalie freaked out. I don't really know how else to describe it. She had just come from apartment hunting - yes, _again_ - and was walking through midtown when we told her. If it had been anyone other than a tall, pretty, very well-dressed blonde girl jumping up in down in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral you would have thought they were an escaped mental patient.

"Did you call home yet?" she yelled over the honking of traffic and roar of pedestrians.

"No not yet."

"Oh my god you have to call them now! Mom will freak! And daddy..." she paused. "Daddy's going to be real happy, Edward. I know he will be. Bella! We're going to be sisters!"

"I know! I'm so excited!" Bella yelled back and it echoed all around us. "I've always wanted a sister!"

"Me too! I love my brother, he's my twin, we're two peas in a pod, but I'm sure he would have passed on hearing about my periods if he had the choice growing up. I love you both!"

"We love you too, sis. Now watch where you're walking before a crazy cabbie takes you out," I chuckled and inwardly cringed knowing that she was probably wearing some crazy high heels that wouldn't help matters when she dodged oncoming traffic at an intersection.

Bella couldn't stop staring at the rock on her finger as we strolled back to the lodge. She held her hand up in front of her face and twirled her fingers in front of her eyes. The sun was setting low, throwing brilliant reds and oranges and yellows across the sky.

"Edward," Bella sighed. "You still haven't called your parents."

"It's a three hour time difference," I shrugged. "My dad's probably still at the hospital."

"You're avoiding."

"I am not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not. Come on, let's go up to the room." I flashed her my bedroom eyes and slid my hand across the meat of her hip.

She pulled away from me and pouted.

"Why don't you want to tell them?"

"I do want to tell them. Of course I do. They're my parents."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

How could I make her understand without insulting my family and without making her feel like crap?

How about starting on the right foot and telling her the truth...

"Bella, today has been perfect in every way. I asked you to marry me and you said yes and we called our friends and they were incredible and we called your parents and they were so happy."

I sat her down on the wooden bench with the expanse of the glistening lake behind us and dusk cooling our overheated skin and I held both of her dirty hands in my dirtier ones.

"My parents will be happy, too. Rosalie's right. They'll be ecstatic. ...But what if it's not the same? What if it's not the reaction you were hoping for? Renee set the bar pretty fucking high today and I don't think anyone can top that amount of enthusiasm. But the thing is, my beautiful fiance, you _deserve_ that enthusiasm. I'm used to not getting it, it doesn't bother me, but I don't want anything to spoil this day for you."

Bella snort-laughed and pulled me down to sit next to her on the bench. "Is _that_ what you're worried about? _Seriously?_ Edward, I love you, but you're crazy."

"I'm trying to be profound," I mumbled like a hurt puppy.

"I know baby, and I don't mean to laugh, but you're selling your family short. They're amazing. Yeah they give really shitty first impressions, with the exception of Rosalie, but your father has changed. I see it, why can't you? That day in the hospital when he was standing outside your door with that skank-ho, and later that same day when he came to my apartment to bring me back to you - he was trying to be strong, but I could see through his weak mask. You were broken and he knew that I was the medicine you needed. It's a shame that's what it took to get him to see the error of his ways. Not even a heart-attack of his own could do that. But_ you_...almost losing you...it put things in perspective for him. Shit, he's been back to visit us _three times_ since you got out of the hospital and every time you make excuses and say it's because of business when you know damn well it's because of you."

I was silent, letting the truth of her words sink in. Bella was right - my father had been back to visit and each time he spent more time bugging me than he did at the medical conferences he was supposedly in town for. My mother was looking better too. She told me they'd started counseling and that my father was participating and opening up about the demons inside him. She said it was scary and they often left the session in tears but she could feel the fissures mending.

"Alright. You're right." I stood and dug my phone from my pocket. Bella stood too, her mouth slightly ajar like she'd been ready to argue with me but now had nothing to say since I had agreed with her. The line on the other end rang and rang and went to voicemail.

"You've reached Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Leave a message at the tone."

I did, asking him to call me back.

"See?" I sighed dejectedly, shoving my phone back in my pocket. "Voicemail. Typical."

"He'll call you back. ...What about your mom?" Bella pushed.

"Can we go upstairs first? I need to lie down for a minute." All the excitement of the afternoon had me ignoring the fact that I'd turned my ankle in a direction it wasn't physically designed to go when we were on the mountain and now that we were off the trail, the pulsing ache had set in and it was painful to put weight on it.

"My god, what happened?" Bella exclaimed, bending down to take a closer look. My ankle was swollen fat inside my sock and dark pink and hot to the touch.

"Nature happened," I winced. "She kicked my ass up there."

"Oh did she?" Bella asked sarcastically. "I didn't notice her kicking your ass, _Mr. Watch me jump from this boulder to that one in a single bound._"

"Just trying to impress my future fiance." I limped along leaning lightly on her shoulder for support.

"So this happened _before_ the lemon squeeze and you didn't say anything?"

"I had more important things I wanted to say," I reminded her with a kiss.

We returned to our room slowly and one step at a time. The nurses station had some quality painkillers waiting for me on the bedside table and a note to call any time if I needed assistance or medical attention. The bedsheets were turned down and the lamplights were on the most muted setting, mimicking the final moments of the sun setting outside our windows. I sat on the bed and Bella helped me remove my Timberlands and socks. I took two painkillers and laid back on the mountain of pillows. Bella ran a bath and gave me a slow striptease in the doorway down to nothing but her thong and the ring on her finger. I propped up on my elbows and watched her from the tops of my eyes, my erection straining in my shorts. Bella took notice and strolled into the room, stopping just shy of the edge of the bed.

"How ya feeling, handsome?" she asked throatily. I reached out to cup her breasts in my hands but she stepped out of reach. "Oooh, dirty boy. Are you ready to join me in the tub?" She turned away to torture me with the full curves of her bare, sumptuous ass and began walking back into the bathroom. I slid out of bed and limped after her.

The bubbles were lush and filled the enormous claw-footed porcelain tub to the point that they spilled over as we sunk into them. I pulled Bella between my legs, making sure to tuck my erection against my inner thigh so it wouldn't jab her in the back.

"Thank you for doing this," I whispered into her wet hair. I pulled the elastic band out of her ponytail and fanned her dark locks over my shoulder.

"Anything for you, " she sighed, nestling her back against the slickness of my chest. The water lapped under her chin and the aromatherapy bubbles piled around us in spongy mountains. The heat and mint and eucalyptus soaked into my skin and weary muscles. Steam beaded on my lips and forehead and I held my future wife in my wet arms.

"I can't wait to be Mrs. Edward Cullen," Bella sighed as if reading my mind. "I used to wonder if the day would ever come for us."

I ran my hands over her breasts and down her torso to rest in the concave of her stomach just below her belly button. "Not me," I said in the hollow at the back of her ear. "...You've _always_ been Mrs. Cullen to me."

**BPOV**

I stood alone in front of the floor length mirror in my private dressing room wrapped in nothing but a thick off-white towel. My hair was damp and gathered off my neck in a clip. No make-up. No face art. Just me.

One by one I had taken out the small silver ring in my bottom lip, and the tiny stud in my eyebrow. I slid the dainty silver barbell out of my tongue and the small hoop in the cartilage of my right ear. I held them in the palm of my hand and looked at my reflection. All that remained were the tiny diamond studs in my earlobes that my mom had given me for my sixteenth birthday and the engagement ring on my finger that Edward gave me that afternoon. And I was still me. I was more me than I ever had been.

There was a knock on the door and Edward stuck his handsome head in.

"May I come in?"

"Sure," I smiled, placing the tiny items in my make-up bag. He walked towards me wearing only PJ bottoms and nothing else – his tight torso and defined abs still sporting a few beads of water from our bath earlier. His hair was damp and mussed and everywhere, just the way I like it. And holy shit, that's right. I'm marrying him.

He held out his cell phone.

"Someone would like to speak to you."

"Uhhh," I raised my eyebrows and reached hesitantly.

"It's ok," he mouthed. I took the phone, he kissed the top of my damp head and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Hu-hullo?" I stuttered, putting the phone to my ear.

"Good evening, Isabella."

Holy shit.

It was Carlisle. He'd called back and he wanted to speak to me.

Instantly shaky in the knees, I lowered myself onto the plush chaise lounge. I should probably be sitting for this one.

"Good evening, sir. I mean, Dr. Cullen. Sir." _Oh this was convo was off to a greeeat start_, I thought, rolling my eyes.

"Please, my dear. We've advanced far beyond these overly polite greetings, haven't we?" he asked with a chuckle. "You needn't address me in the same manner you did the day we met. After all, I shall soon be able to call you my daughter, which changes the nature of our relationship immensely, don't you think?"

"I, uh,-"

"Although I already consider you a part of my family."

My mouth hung wide. I was speechless. I told Edward his father had changed, which he had, but I was still nervous around him, even on the phone with him, uncomfortable in my own skin, itchy and wanting more than anything for him to like me. Dr. Cullen had a presence about him; unnervingly handsome and brilliant and, fuck it all he _made Edward_. That in itself caused the intimidation factor to skyrocket.

"And as a member of my family," he continued, oblivious to the fact that he had me quaking in my towel. "You are no longer to call me Dr. Cullen or Sir. How you choose to address me is up to you, but those two are out of the question. Are we in agreement?"

"Yes," I answered quickly.

"Good. Now on to more important things, which include me putting you on speakerphone so my wife will stop bobbing in front of me like George Foreman."

At that moment Edward walked back into the room and I was saddened that his immaculate bod was now covered by a lightweight button down and dark jeans. He was barefoot though, which always gets my ovaries in a bunch. Edward's feet are sexxxy delicious.

He kissed me on my lips with just enough tongue and just enough breath to speed my heart before the other line clicked over and his parents voices were in my ear.

"They have me on speaker," I mouthed, pointing at the phone. Edward nodded and sat next to me on the lounge.

"Isabella?" Carlisle called out from the other end of the phone. "Can you hear me? We're in my study which is much like being in a tin can."

"No, it's ok, I can hear you," I said a little louder than how I'd been speaking before. Edward's long fingers were playing with the hem of my towel.

"Isabella, darling! It's Esme!"

"Hi, Esme!" I chirped. It was so nice to hear her voice; always friendly, always inviting. Edward's fingers were now traveling up the part in the towel where it crosses at the center of my body.

"Carlisle and I are busting, absolutely busting at the seams over the news of you and Edward's engagement! We couldn't be more thrilled to announce it to the rest of our family and to Carlisle's co-workers and associates. We insist on throwing a party either in Forks or New York and your parents must come – both of them and don't you dare mention cost, young lady!"

"Yes, ma'am," I giggled as Edward reached the point where I had the towel knotted near my armpit. He tugged once to loosen it and twice to slip his hand inside. I whore-moaned as the terry-cloth fell away and Edward's hand found my bare breast. His face was serious as he watched his fingers manipulate and harden my nipple until I could barely form a coherent sentence.

"Bella? Are you there? ...Maybe we've lost the connection. This damn study..." Carlisle mumbled.

"I'm still here!" I blurted out as Edward pushed me back on the chaise and tossed the towel to the floor leaving me completely nude underneath him. He began kissing down my neck, pushing my legs apart and settling in between them. I was already wet and he knew it because his fingers were at my slit and pushing inside. I hissed and threw my head to the side, pinning the phone between my ear and the pillow of the chaise. My hands were in his hair as he tongued and nibbled my erect nipples and slipped a second finger inside me.

"Well we just wanted to say congratulations again, dear, and we'll see you soon. Is Edward there?" his mother asked. I jerked my head up and our eyes met. His burned with need and desire. He shook his head 'no' and went back to my breast.

"Um, no Esme, he's in the bathroom," I gasped as Edward thumbed circles over my clit.

"Funny that's where _he_ said _you_ were. ...Alright then, give him our love and you as well." I don't know if she was finished talking but I said _kluvubye_ and hung up as quickly as I could. I flung the phone to the carpeted floor and found the top button of Edward's shirt and began undoing them as he kissed his way back up my torso.

"Mmfuck you taste so good," he mumbled against my throat, lifting off me and resting on his knees so I could get to the rest of his buttons. I tossed his shirt to the floor and attacked his chest with my teeth and nails. He withdrew his fingers from my wetness and unbuckled his belt. We were both breathing heavily, panting, wanting, ravenous; our first sex as an engaged couple was going to be on the chaise lounge in the vanity room of my dressing chamber. How tacky and posh at the same time.

Edward pushed his jeans over his ass and down and off and his boxers went with them and he was sprung free and rock hard. He spread my knees apart and laid his perfect body out over me. He worshiped me with his mouth and hands. I was squirming, soaked, begging for him to be inside me and with a sharp thrust he was and I was filled with his warmth and pressure. I cried out and he hissed each time he pulled out and thrusted back in. It was pervy, awkward, borderline uncomfortable sex on a chair that was way not long enough for Edward's way long legs and body, and the "pillow" it came with was not very "pillowy" at all, yet something about the way Edward made it comfortable for me, the way he held the back of my head in his palm to support my neck while he moved in me, the lusted love-filled look of devotion in his dark green eyes as he poured into me, the feeling of his hot sweaty skin sliding against mine and the effort it must have taken for him to brace his weight and keep from crushing me; dear God I loved him more in that one moment of lovemaking than is possible to convey in words. Edward Cullen is my dream realized and alive and he loves me.

When it was over, and he had made me come twice just on egotistical principle, he picked me up and switched positions with me so I could rest on his body and he took the uncomfy spot against the back of the chair. I didn't want him to clean me off like I knew he would try to do with a warm washcloth and soap between my legs. I wanted to be dirty and sticky and smell like him and if I licked my skin I wanted to taste like him. I wanted to be bound to him.

"I want to get a tattoo," he said suddenly, the tepid air around us filling with the sound of his beautiful voice. I lifted my head from its spot on Edward's damp chest and gave him my knitted brow look of confusion.

"You do? It really fucking hurts, yknow."

"Yeah," he sighed, stroking my back with his skillful fingers. "I know. But I want one."

"Of what?"

"Well, I was thinking we could get one together. At the same time."

"You want me to get a tattoo with you?"

_Hmm, interesting. I'm listening._

He smiled and nodded. "Cuz I'm going to be scared shitless and having you there will make me feel stupid for crying but it will make me feel better overall because you'll be there with me." He was rambling and it was so cute I thought I'd implode. I stroked the side of his face with my hand.

"...And I was thinking that we could get...well, I was hoping that you might get..." He was blushing pink from the heat of his post-orgasmic state and the embarrassment of what he wanted to ask me.

"Just tell me, Edward," I said softly, moving up his body to kiss his mouth. "I'm sure I'll love it if you thought of it."

"The Cullen crest. My family crest. I was hoping you'd get that...on you. Like, my mark or something. I dunno," he shrugged, blushing even harder. My breathing hitched. Edward's mark was already carved in my heart. Putting it on my skin seemed like the natural thing to do...and the fact that he asked me, that he wanted it there, that it would brand me his for everyone to see, it would make him proud of his family and that I was now an official part of it, I belonged in the crest, too. Tears fell from my eyes.

"Of course I'll get your mark on me," I whispered against his lips.

"And I want yours on me," he fluttered his lips against mine and I tingled all over.

"I don't have a family crest...unless they make divorce crests," I snerked. He rubbed my shoulders and I had a feeling his legs were falling asleep from my weight on them but he'd never say anything.

"I was thinking of..." and there was the blush again in his already rosy cheeks reddened by the bright sun.

"Stop blushing, it's turning me on," I moaned low, grinding my pelvic bone into his.

"Mmm, this is why what I'm thinking of is perfect," he growled, shifting his growing erection so it pressed into my inner thigh.

"Do share."

"A swan," he said simply. "They're fascinating creatures. They mate for life. They can also be homosexual or transgender, which is hot. They are a symbol of inspiration found throughout literary history. _A good woman is a rare bird, as rare on earth as a black swan._ ...Your Swan song will call to me even when you're a Cullen."

My heart pounded in my chest - I knew Edward could feel it on his - and the tears streamed down my face as I nodded yes, yes to all of it.

"I think that's the most beautiful thing you have ever said to me," I gushed kissing him like mad with my palms flat against his cheeks.

"Wait til you hear my vows," he mumbled into my mouth with a grin.

In one swoop he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom where we would spend the rest of the night ordering room service and watching movies and making love and laughing and talking about everything and anything that had happened to us so far in our crazy life together and all the craziness that awaited us. No topic was off-limits - old lovers, mistakes, regrets - none if that stuff mattered. It was just him and me, Bella and Edward, girl and boy, soon-to-be man and wife, and nothing would break our bond. People had tried and failed to pull us apart but we always found our way back together. We were permanent - he was the upside to my downtown and I was never going to let him go.

* * *

**Thanks again for reading. Please give me your final reviews and let me know what you think of the ending xoxo**


	53. Chapter 53

OMGYG! Upside Downtown has been nominated for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand! Please please please go there and show the love and vote for her! Weeeeee! How exciting! My little baby's all grown up.

**tehlemonadestand. net**

Happy holidays!

FH


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